Advice needed, please help!

My daughter is about to turn 2 this June and I decided to book an outdoor pavillion for her bday party. I was able to book it on a Saturday but my hubby's brother's girlfriend's birthday is that day . Now before I booked the pavillion, I did have her in mind but I was thinking that since my daughter is younger, we can celebrate her during the day and if she wanted to do anything, we can go do it at night. Well, a week ago she messaged our group chat(hubby, me, hubby's parents, hubby's brother and her) saying she wanted to do something during the day with us and go get drunk with her friends at night. So I said, we won't be available because of the reservation that I have booked however we are open to celebrating either the night before (Friday) or the day after (Sunday). She was livid at this msg and said that I had a choice between Friday or Sunday and asked why I had to take "HER DAY" and she put it all in caps. When we explained to her that Saturday works best for everyone because everyone was working on Friday, she responded with "no comment". My problem here is, would it be rash to cut her off in mine and my daughter's life? This is one instance that she's acted super immature (she's 25) towards me but she has acted out multiple times in different occasions in the past and has gotten mad at basically every single person in the family and she's not even married to my brother in law. She is so entitled and so spoiled and I just don't want anything to do with it. I'm not sure if me wanting to keep my distance is called her. I am super upset that I have to see her every single family function but I do want to civil but I just don't want to be close. After all the message exchange, I decided not to respond to her "no comment" reply and left it at that which has made our group chat a little awkward. Which I don't mind but it also makes me feel uneasy.

Hi, Lack of communication between the two of you is the problem. I can see this from both sides. I’m taking into account you put she immature and she upsets people in the family. I also get it’s your daughters party, and with covid it probably wouldn’t of been easy to book . She should have a party! BUT I would of spoken to hubby’s bro gf straight away to see if she would comprise? I think a lot of people would share the day, I would. Or were you worried she wouldn’t and cause a big scene? Always good to practise empathy, even if you think that person is in the wrong, it’s does help! Put yourself in her shoes, if she was arranging a family members birthday party would you be offended if she organised it on your birthday? Or that she didn’t contact you Ito talk about it and give you the chance to say yes or no or say how she feels about it? Now your husband parents are put in a bit of an awkward position too. I would get in contact with her (even if I didn’t like her that much)in a day or two, don’t just leave it with her response of ‘no comment’. No matter how immature you think that reply was. She’s angry, but don’t leave it until you have to come face to face with her. It give her a chance to show if she can be mature about this. If it ends well organise another day with her to celebrate with her so she feels valued. Unless she’s a really toxic person, (tell us more) I wouldn’t cut her off ...yet.

There is no doubt that little angel need attention 1st !!! about her attitudes towards your family don't mind but for me its seems that she just used your family like she wanted too. she trying to dominates that she could just say anything and every one would run after her after her responded "no comment" if I were in that situation I totally ignore her and her celebration and when someone ask in group "why" then I also respond "no comment" hop you got your answer Stay safe and stay blessed

@LILY31 she got mad at my in laws before because they refurbished a drawer for her when she was a baby and she said she had asked my in-laws to refurbish her drawer a long time ago and they never did it. She didn't talk to them for 3 months and even sent a nasty disrespectful email to them about how they (inlaws) take her for granted... We're like huh? As for my birthday, I don't care to celebrate it the same day . My dad and my uncle's bday is 4 days apart. And most of the time their bdays are celebrated together. No one cries about it. We did consider her by giving her a choice to celebrate a day before or the day after since the night of her bday wasn't an option. I'm not sure how much we have to bend over backwards for this person... She's 25... It just seems so unacceptable. I mean anyone who acts like this towards a child seems like a child herself... I get you're trying to justify her actions but I'm still not seeing it. We all practice empathy towards her because she doesn't have family here in Canada. She's completely abandoned her family and decided. I know you asked if I'd be offended if she had organized a party on my birthday if I would be offended... I don't think offended would be the word. Quite frankly, I wouldn't care. My daughter is her godchild. She is fighting her for attention, it's really getting out of hand.

@786 that's how I feel. I feel like she's so entitled that she thinks she'll get whatever she wants.

then welcome to the club ;-)

@lily31 sorry correction, I meant she got mad at my in-laws before because they refurbished a drawer for my daughter and she apparently had asked them to do one for her a long time ago***

Thanks for saying a bit more! I asked for more details because you had mentioned this isn’t the first time she’s reacted like this and she’s upset other people in the family too. And you were considering cutting contact with her ... I’d definitely keep her at arms length. Sending a nasty email to your in-laws and giving them the silent treatment for 3 months because they did something nice for your daughter, says it all really. She abandoned her own family, it sounds like there were issues there, it wouldn’t surprise me if that is connected to her (odd) behaviour in some way.