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Physical relationship and emotional effects

DHARSHINI profile image
Hi.. I am 26Female. I lost my dad when i was 19. I planned to study CA. I fell in love with a guy(X) different caste, during my 21 and i did not study or be happy with him or with my life. I know it was toxic but i was scared that i will lose him. Because I don’t have anybody else. I was very impatient, over possessive on him. I tried a lot to come out of that relationship but couldn’t. When i was 23 itself i said n my home but mom gave no reaction. We Were physical once or twice. But i dint have much interest in it. Finally after three years f relationship, it was difficult and he said n his house. His dad wanted to meet me. I met him. I guess he dint like me. After that i again said about this in my home and shouted at them to marry me to him. He was diff caste. My mom and my elder sister and her husband did agree at all. We all spoke with him (X) in conference. He wasn’t patient. His dad was forcing him to talk to me and ask my parents to say yes right away. They did not want anybody else to know. They did not want us to ask around if they are good. He rings 50 times a day to ask if i spoke in my house cus they wanted yes from my parent. My side no support. He said he cant deny his parents words and wanted to break up. I was holding onto the relationship just becus i was physical with him. I had mental pain more that that so to be alive i broke up.. All happened in 3 days. I lost 5 to 6 kgs in two or three days, After breakup i felt so relieved and good. I felt horrible of myself that a guy cheated on me. Why did i go into such relationship. After two weeks he voluntarily messaged me, said he got engaged to a girl. his parents shud hav already had this plan, they wanted him to force me to force my parents just to get a ‘NO’ from our side so that they can marry him to a girl of their caste. What did i do wrong ? Why did at all happen? Its running inside my mind everyday. I try to ignore and continue my work but still it haunts. I am scared if it will spoil my future relationship with my husband after getting married. I want to be true but i cannot talk about my physical relationship before marriage etc with him. Guys in my family or my relations are very orthodox and they won’t take it lightly… Did i do wrong by being physical? People here say its a sin, they would even kill me if they knew I slept with that guy. Very backward. I dont know if i can be physically happy with anybody. I m Scared about being n physical relationship now. I am scared to trust anyone.

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