Passions vs Stability, what should I go after?

I need help. All my life I’ve been a creative person and in grade 7 I realized I didn’t want to go to university, I knew I wanted to be an actress. The problem? My parents couldn’t afford acting classes and didn’t take me seriously. A few years later I decided I wanted to become a lawyer since I realized that I’m good at school. I work hard in school and have done well, so I thought I would use this to my advantage since my first choice (acting) didn’t work. The plan was to go to business school for my undergraduate degree and then pursue business law. I graduated this year and I’m enrolled in a business program that starts on Tuesday. I have never felt this unprepared and anxious to start school. I don’t want to go to school, the thought of being stuck in a degree that I no longer wants haunts me. I’ve had so many breakdowns over this, I wish I had taken a year off to start with but since my school never discussed the option, I ignored it. Now, I’m realizing I would prefer a year off and I don’t know if I should try to defer my offer for next year, drop out, or just go through with it. I value education as a first generation student who’s parents never had the chance to go to school, but I also value my desires. Note: My mom fully supports me no matter what, my dad on the other hand will probably be upset that I’m throwing away a chance at education. The problems - I applied for financial assistance and they’re going to give me the money in a week, I need to let them know about what I wanna do before they try to throw me into debt. - If I take a year off it’s possible that my financial assistance will put me on probation, it won’t affect me unless I go to school next year (drop out- won’t affect, defer- maybe) - If I try to defer, my financial assistance will be received and I think the only thing I have to do is return it. But the problem is that my school has the right to deny me a deferral, so I am not guaranteed time off. I could be stuck at school anyway. - If I drop out, it’ll solve all my financial problems and it’ll make it easier. The problem is that I will have to reapply to my program if I decide I want to go back and that process is complicated. The options (please note that I’ve submitted for some talent agents and I will continue to do so. I haven’t heard back yet but if I do, I’ll take their contract in a heartbeat) - Go to school and try to manage both instead of fully devoting myself to one. If I continue school I will not have time to work a job and pay for acting classes, I will only be able to take small roles and hope that’s enough to build my resume. - Defer my offer and hope that I can make enough progress in this year to either drop out completely. If I take a full year off I will work a job and possibly pay for classes or I will take some small roles in student films and try to build my resume. Of course if I hear back from one of the agents I’d take their contract and just jump into that. - Or drop out and do the same as this option^ except there’s no time limit. Dilemma The thing is, I can try to do both school and acting but if I am ever presented with a choice between the two, I’ll go with acting. Meaning if I get a big job two years down the line, I’ll be halfway done my degree but I would still jump for the acting opportunity. I don’t want to waste my time and make myself anxious and stressed over school if I don’t need or want it, but then again I don’t know what the future holds and I don’t know when I will be given a breakthrough. I love business and I think law is so interesting, but I can’t imagine myself working in a cubicle for the next sixty years or my life, I think I’d go crazy after two years. I know acting is my passion. I’m aware that acting is not just sunshine and rainbows, I know it’s not the most stable job, I know there’s annoying people in the industry, but it’s really the only place I see myself having fun while working. I have also realized that I don’t know myself, I’ve only ever identified as a student, my whole life has been about school. I’ve never had the chance to soul search or learn anything about myself. I want some time to enjoy life without constantly doing school. PLEASE help me out, give any insight you can, I really need help and my mind has been a mess recently. I can’t seem to figure out what to do. Thank you to anyone who leaves me any insight and thank you to anyone who read this long story. I appreciate it.

I think I put way too much emphasis on dropping out. I guess what I’m really wondering Is if I should take a gap year to work and pay for acting classes (and soul search, as mentioned I don’t even know who I am apart from school), or If I should go to school and do small roles.

Hi You sound like someone who could benefit from a gap year. Don’t go into university unless you’re confident that you want to pursue your chosen major. It can be difficult to change later on and a lack of passion can cause you to achieve poor grades. In my opinion I think you should contact your university and ask if it’s possible to defer your application. If it is possible use that gap year to figure out what you want to do. If it’s not possible you have two options: 1) Dropping out. Only do this if you’re certain that your high-school grades and extracurriculars are strong enough to guarantee you admission at universities of your choice next year. 2) Become a part time student for this year. This option will allow you to remain enrolled in your current university but also allow you a lot of free time to figure out what you want to do with your future. I’m not familiar with your specific university’s policy on part time students but you should be able to take as little as one course each semester. Next year if you want to remain in university you can become a full time student. However, you will likely receive less financial aid this year on account of being a part time student. As far as I know universities allow their students to change between full time and part time studies at will but make sure to confirm with your university if this is the case. Regarding your financial assistance I think you’re correct that if you defer you’ll simply have to return the money. I don’t think deferring or becoming a part time student for a year will effect your ability to get financial assistance in the future but again contact financial assistance to confirm if this is the case. Best wishes, Sun God