Break ups

so.. I was with someone for four and half years. I split up with her because I thought she would be better off with out me because i was so worried about hurting her. she was the most amazing person and I regret putting through what I did. Its been over a year since we split and all I've done is think about her and wonder how she was getting on. each day has been a fight within my head trying not to break down in tears because I don't want to mates to see me this way I know mates are there for you, but I just cant talk to them about it. I think this has made me have really bad depression I'm struggling and I have no idea who to talk to about this. I just really need help..

After a 3 years of being together we spoke about having kids and I think for about a year we was trying. but nothing was happening we spoke about getting some help but we never did.. so after a while I started to think it was all me ut instead of talking about it I just let it build up and I kept thinking to myself she needs to find someone who can give her what she wants.

Sounds like you blew it bud. Go to a fertility clinic and get checked out, so you know for the future. Then I would suggest moving on, she may not be very receptive of you trying to get back with her.....although you can certainly try. Also. Wait until you're married to try for kids. With your track record for running when things get real, you need to make a real commitment first. Last thing your future kids need is to be without a father.