Challenging relationship with my mum

As I type this, my mum just asked “who’s that?”, I asked “who’s what?”, she replied “who are you typing to?”… I’m 22. I work abroad for around 6 months of the year on super yachts, I’m an only child and my parents are divorced however my mum has had a partner for the past 15 years. To say the least, she is obsessive, highly sensitive and controlling. She will say “I don’t care what you do, do what you like” however if I stay at my dads, or cousins or at a friends she will inevitably make me feel guilty for not being at home, or for the time I’m leaving, or time I’m coming back. Now in some ways I get that she feels I have to make up for lost time when I am back home, but I equally want to make up for lost time with other people that I haven’t seen. Between myself and a friend who is a counsellor, we have established it is likely my mum suffers with boardline personality disorder and ptsd (she was in the police force and dealt with a lot of harrowing cases of children’s abuse etc)- so I feel very sad for her, but her behaviour towards me is exhausting and puts a lot of stress and guilt on me for things I shouldn’t feel bad for. Any advice or suggestions will be gratefully received. Thanks in advance.

Honestly, you need to move out. It will drive her crazy and she will try insanely hard to guilt trip you. Stick to your guns, and let her know this behavior is unacceptable. She'll come around. Had to do the same thing to my mom, when I moved out.

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