Another failed family gathering

Just had another family gathering today. For my birthday. I turn 39 in a couple days. Amazingly, the shortest yet. I think we (wife and I) were only there 5 minutes. **A little history, to understand the dynamic. I'll keep it short. When I was young, my father had an affair. Causing my mother to go on a tyrannical warpath for years. Hated all men, and constantly punished all males for her pain (myself included). Lasted about 10 yrs. This has caused my father to become a beaten down version of a man....basically doing whatever is needed to appease the females in his life (my mom, and sister). To the point that it disgusts me. My sister learned from my mothers behavior and mimics it to this day (she is on her 3rd marriage at 37 yrs old).** Back to today. My wife and I arrive (after an hour drive) and notice that my sister is already in a bad mood. She was cooking the birthday dinner (maybe had 10-15 minutes left in the oven). And she is slamming cupboard doors, yelling at her dogs, and saying that she is going to stab anyone in the kitchen (we came in to say hi). So we move to the dining room to talk to my parents and neices/nephew. We weren't even in there a minute, when I hear her say

Well that's annoying. It cut my post in half. Anyways. It was a bad family gathering, caused by an overbearing relative. And I am not retyping all that lol. Anyone have any stories of their own to share, or just want to commiserate, feel free to drop a reply.

I'm sorry for your family's behavior. It's too bad the parental units never got counseling to get past the affair or just went their separate ways. Either would have been preferable to the chaos that was left behind. My rather functional family never made a bid deal about birthdays. I don't remember anything but a phone call from Mom on any of them past high school. I'm always a little puzzled that anyone past 13 or 14 expect people to make a big deal of his/her birthday, or even expect the day off work. At 39, maybe it's time you and the wife plan your own celebration, without family.

It's a weird thing on both sides of the family. We always end up having at least 2 parties, sometimes 3.....per birthday.

That's what you took away from my response? You don't have a problem. You have solutions you don't like.

Not sure what you are referencing here, in referring to solutions I don't like? At no point did I disagree with anything you said.

You're a grown man. If you don't like how your family celebrates, make your own plans without them. They frankly sound unpleasant, and you're not obligated to spend time with them. You're continually disappointed with the gatherings they hold - yet you refuse to do anything different. That's on you. Really, once somebody gets to be 39 or 40 years old, is it really necessary for one's FOO to make the came fuss as when you were 5? If you didn't live nearby, what would you do? Maybe I'm missing something. Do you just like feeling superior to your relatives and complaining about them?