Need advice on a friend breakup

—->TLDR: I lost myself due to mental health issues last year and selfishly took it out on those who meant the most to me. Completely ended our friendships. It’s been a year and I am still overwhelmed with guilt and regret, now that i have a better grasp on my mental health. Should i reach out simply to apologize? And if they’re willing should i try to rebuild that bond (even tho i know it’ll never be the same)? Below is a longer version of the story if you’d like to read to understand better. ——————————————————————————————————————— So last year i moved out of my parents into an apartment with 3 of my longest and closest friends. I ended up spiraling with my mental health and having an incredibly hard time adjusting. My closest friend ended up moving out due to extreme drama in the friend group and we didn’t speak after that. Me and my other friend grew even closer then i really struggled with my mental health. I was in a pretty abusive relationship and then i got out of that. I ended up developing pretty serious ptsd that led me to have a severe alcohol dependence. I took things out on the people closest to me bc I couldn’t deal with my shit properly i didn’t know where to start. i had too much trauma to deal with. In no way we’re my actions excusable(bc they weren’t) but I just completely lost myself in all aspects. I was working a dead end job 6 days a week and i just stopped caring and became really suicidal. My anger towards the world got the best of me and i became a terror to be around. I completely burned bridges. oh and to top it off the friend who moved out ended up moving back in after I attempted suicide to be there for me but they ended up sexually assaulting me twice. So that killed me. But i completely burned bridges with my friend who was there for me through it all. I didn’t know how to handle my emotions or trauma and i couldn’t properly communicate my triggers. We ended up not speaking for the last 2 months of our lease and haven’t spoken since. It’s been almost a year and i am overwhelmed with guilt. Words can’t describe how much I’ve missed that companionship. I completely took what i had for granted. Now don’t get me wrong i wasn’t the only problem, my friend definitely did their fair share of fucked up thing, but ultimately i was the one who ruined the friendship. I do take full responsibility for that. I guess my question would be is it a good idea to reach out? I mean i’ve been in therapy consistently and on medication and stopped drinking. I’m back in school now and by no means am i all better but i’m actively trying to better myself and be more conscious of how my actions affect those around me. I really just want to reach out and apologize. I know i’ll never get that friendship back and i’ve accepted that. Should i reach out and apologize? I just feel like i’ll never fully be able to move on and forgive myself for how i treated those who were so important to me until i give them the respect of a genuine apology.

A few months ago, my first serious, long term boyfriend died. He treated me poorly and I, being a dope, kept trying to fix myself, the relationship, while he was out with other women. I finally saw the light and walked away, and (probably the smartest thing I've ever done) refused to start dating him a year later when he seemed to want to. I still am a tiny bit disappointed that he never acknowledged the hurt he caused (and it's been 40 years). He was an alcoholic as well as a philanderer. When he died, I felt no loss for myself, other than the fact I would never hear him say he was sorry. I did send a condolence note to his sister; she was a wonderful woman who had lost her sibling. I didn't mention he was a rat to me. Reaching out, owning your actions and apologizing for them would be an amazing adult response. You may not ever hear from him or her again, but I can tell you that person will remember your attempt to make amends.