I’m head over heels in love with a gaslighter and i’m so confused

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months, and he’s lovely. He’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of and more. We have beautiful times together and both feel it’s meant to be. He makes me feel like a princess, does really sweet things for me, makes me feel protected and loved and cared for. He makes me really happy and the last thing I want is to lose him. Unfortunately though, there are some issues which have upset me, which are really hard to sort out because our conversations about them are so confusing and always end up making me feel bad, when I was the one upset in the first place. We always make up in the end, but it’s working less and less for me as I don’t feel I can trust almost anything he says anymore. The issue currently, is that he was living with me for a couple of months whilst not working, and so I was supporting the both of us (on my tiny part-time GP receptionist’s wage, as I’m a full time student.) Feeding 2 people for months on a part time wage is surprisingly devastating. He also asked me for certain amounts of money, under the absolute promise he would pay me back. It racked up to several hundred that he had borrowed from me. I accidentally got myself into debt due to all this money I was being asked to shell out. He knew this and comforted me about it when I got anxious and upset, promising me he’d pay me on certain dates, promising me the world. These dates rolled around, and I never got paid back, despite reminding him a lot, which felt horrible as I’m a generous person and don’t like asking for my money back, but I couldn’t even buy food. It has now been 2 months, of me working extremely hard, and I haven’t seen a single penny, whilst he has some money. He always complains to me about his own financial situation and his debts to other people, never even mentioning his debt to me. I have spoken to him about how this hurts me as it feels he doesn’t prioritise me, and he promises he will but never, ever changes. He seems to conveniently forget what he’s promised, and just tries to say the right thing at the right time. It hurts me that he knows I’m struggling and just lets me struggle, when he’s meant to love me more than anyone. I could never let that happen to him. Lately, when I continue to bring up the money thing and the fact that I’m struggling, he’s been getting angry and turning it around on me, doubting that he did cause me to go into debt when he knows he did, claiming that it’s actually my fault, implying I’m ungrateful for times he’s spent money on me. I think this is really unfair, and suspect it’s gaslighting, do you guys think so? It makes my head really muddled and somehow succeeds in making me feel bad or that my point is invalid, but I’m still upset and don’t know why. I’m really, really confused. Moreover, (it’s getting to the end I promise, thanks for listening to far) he does have some controlling tendencies, which are relatively benign seeming but do play on my mind and make me feel stifled and guilty for no reason about things. For instance, the last time we spoke about the money he owes me, he said I need to ask him every day to buy me food and tram tickets to work, instead of him just paying me the money back. To me, it seems he wants to be in control of my money…It makes me feel like a child and it’s horrible as I work really hard. I can’t wait to finally get paid from work again and get out of my overdraft, as I will be snatching my independence back. There are other little signs of control he has shown, such as his reading of my diary and messages one time, which really hurt me, and his disapproval of my going out without telling him, and wearing certain things in the past (although he has actually listened and stopped trying to dictate what I wear now so that is good.) Anyway, thanks for listening and I’m sorry for such a long explanation, it’s all very confusing and there’s a lot to it, I tried to be concise, believe it or not. I do love him so much and don’t want to have to consider having some time apart or leaving him, but would love some genuine advice from anyone on what I should do, even if the advice is to end it.

Thanks for your response, I really appreciate the advice and am going to consider this carefully.

Thanks for your response, I really appreciate the advice and am going to consider this carefully.

You've managed to describe this guy to the T and there's nothing you can do apart from walking away as far as possible and as quick as you can. When a guy truly loves & respects you, he'll treat you accordingly and not like a doormat like this guy does.

I agree with what others have said, I think it's time to just cut your losses with the money and move on. You sound like a smart woman who wants to support herself and you should do exactly that. Find a man who supports your career and uplifts you, not pulls you down. Heartbreak hurts but it's better than the emotional toll this relationship will have if it continues. I wish you the best of luck.

Run for thoes of us who can’t.it’s starts one goofy way or bad way quick and it never changes for the hood