Game gone wrong

A decade ago my partner & I started writing a novella containing several characters. It was to be something we do together. Was supposed to be our very own entertainment, creation, fun & a secret pastime at home just for us. Over the years it has grown to quite the obsession. We role play into characters! However, the two main characters (Lovers Mirra & Pete with kids never married have experienced major highs & lows) started fighting a lot! Meaning outside our writing/play acting we started arguing over the characters behaviours & actions. Sadly it has now shockingly damaged our real life relationship! My actual human Real Life Partner will not forgive me for the moves I had my pretend character take. Now my actual Partner is saying that my female character (Mirra) is EVIL. Because she had a male friend (Lee) whom she grew very attached to emotionally. Lee befriended her long term partner Pete. Being sick of all the arguments both within this game which started to dribble out into our personal lives outside of this game I made my female character (Mirra) leave my partners character (Pete). She had fallen in love with her friend (Lee). To say 'shit has hit the fan' in our daily lives is an understatement! My Partner will not forgive me for this move. So I had Lee die in a MC accident. My Partner still will not let it go, forgive nor forget. Says I have betrayed our trust through the game. Won't play anymore & is acting really hateful towards me. Says I deserve his daily tirades & character assignations & that my choices for my character show I'm unstable, untrustworthy, deceitful, cunning & yesterday he wished me dead.

It started as a fun game, but now it has developed into something that's really shown a different side of your partner. Plain and simple, if your partner actually wished you dead, then you are with the wrong person. You should be able to have fun with your partner and do things like this together, and it's a shame you had been able to do that for a decade but now no longer can.

Thanks for responding Balance, I appreciate your opinion. To be honest we are literally sharing a unit & not speaking for many days. We only converse on the perfunctory necessary matters. We had a HUGE blow up since my post. I am still in shock over what was said & his cold shoulder treatment since has hurt big time. I don't think there is any coming back from this. What was supposed to be a cheap, fun form of entertainment & safe throughout lockdown has escalated in a way that has left me baffled. A game means more than the real relationship? Names were yelled at me that this time I just can't get passed. I'm struggling. I feel lost & alone. I'm crying myself to sleep.

Agree! "Says I have betrayed our trust through the game." Rubbish. What you've actually done is use a safe way of acting completely out of character BECAUSE you'd never get the opportunity in real life! Tell him to grow the uck up - not everything is about him! HE is the betrayer. Because he's using your PURE FANTASY ROLE-PLAYING (PLAY-ING!) as his great excuse to take his insecurities and latent resentments (who at?!) OUT ON YOU. And obviously you automatically assumed (trusted) he wouldn't do that. Otherwise, you wouldn't have found the whole idea so appealing (duuh?...or does he think you're a secret masochist). You've unexpectedly, inadvertently, uncovered a gross immaturity and bad attitude in him alright! Having said that, you did START to use the story as your medium because - look - you felt the need to kill off one of your characters to shut your (er) partner up. "Won't play anymore" GOOD. PHEW. Finish the book yourself. It would have been your idea originally, anyway. Alternatively, maybe deeper down you sensed he had this overly dark side and so established yourself a medium through which to more safely communicate because, what with it all being just a story, you could use Plausible Deniability as your way to block any sudden surfacing of this side of his? Or maybe a mixture of BOTH (usually is - AND more). That still doesn't give him carte blanche to turn into Chucky, though. HOPEFULLY, he's not a Covert Narc who's been smoked-out out of his secret bunker, but purely a once-victim of a Narc, for whom, for whatever reason, this game and his misinterpretation of your reasons for your story twist has proven a giant TRIGGER (CPTSD). You're NEVER slime-free after too many encounters with one or more of those! There will ALWAYS be a bit of gunk in the far reaches of the corners. Even a microscopic amount can be enough to put you back into outraged victim mode. Test him out. Ask him, does he want a 'divorce'. If he says no, tell him that you need him to prove it by ceasing this downright paranoid and abusive treatment of you, immediately, and agree to a proper, CALM, adult, sit-down talk about it all. Add that, if he doesn't cease, you will be forced to take that as meaning he DOES want a divorce and will start one immediately. Let's see if that will shock him out of it. You have the right to issue that ultimatum, thanks to him and him alone. I mean - so WHAT if you HAD been secretly wish-fulfilling? That does NOT give him the right - or mean you "deserve" (what-ah!?) daily, verbal BEATINGS. Yes - BEATINGS. "There is more than one way to beat your wife, Sir!" I don't hold out much hope, though. Even IF he's only a once-victim of an abuser - he still seems to suddenly be mimicking their entire repertoire of disgusting behaviours since that showdown... for, now, we have The Silent Treatment (yeayyyy!...not). So who cares, anyway, whether he's one or not! A punch from your over-excited, over-hand gestural, local Vicar is no less painful than a deliberate punch from an a-hole. Your nose is still broken. It's looking more like, this is what it took to accidentally-unwittingly make the secret wife-batterer behind the Lovely Guy mask, go so beside-himself that said mask fell completely off and rolled under and to the back of the bloody fridge and beyond! But then, they ARE PATHOLOGICALLY jealous and insecure. So it's understandable that this hugely protruding nerve was going to be the one to get hit and set him off. Invasion Of The Body Snatchers, isn't it just. You must feel really head-f***ed right now.

PS: Also (!)....turns out Lee didn't really die. NO! It was all just a bad dream! She wakes-up to find him alive and well, in the shower! (ref Dallas) OR...it was a bee sting with a comatose-ing effect (ref Misery). He's immortal. Whatever... Resurrect Leee-EE, Resurrect Lee-EE (everybody!), Resurrect Lee-EE!.... LOL Simultaneously - have a grand piano fall on Pete's over-large, over-grand head. Ohhh, the power!!! ;-D

Ha-ha...Or you could tell Chucky that if he doesn't watch himself, you´ll have Pete undergo a total castration (to become a Eunuch...a reaction to losing his only friend, Lee, LOL). And sprout terrible facial acne....and nasal hair....and a reduction in height to under 5'5". And have his castrated parts sewn onto his face (as a kindly Early Warning System for other potential victims, spelled-out). Here - in fact, this inability of his to separate fantasy from reality could prove rather useful! Sorry to poke fun at his expense but, by god, this one has to be THE most ridiculous Narc Rage excuses I've ever, ever heard! AND I'VE HEARD A LOT. I mean - don't you agree that this is the overriding feature? Ridiculous. Inane. Ludicrous. Childish. Petty. Deluded. Retarded. Self-Destructive. Needlessly so. ...oh, wait - that spells Narc. Some can continue their non-stop, Benign Guy acting job for even longer than yours has. Some don't do a complete mask removal until they hit 50 - or 60, even. These tend to be the deeply Covert, self-repressed (and PASSIVE-aggressive, normally) type. Anyway, all joking and trying to raise a smile aside - are you alright or on the floor right now?

And you most certainly are NOT alone. And nor are you lost. We're Recovery Path tour guides with very powerful torches - and even a lovely picnic hamper, featuring champers and oysters, no less! You're not lost. He just suddenly turned the lights on. Remember that?...when the nightclub closed and turned the full venue lights on? EW! - right? "But-but-but...it looked so LOVELY and ROMANTIC and MAGICAL...where's it gone and what's THIS dirty dive?!" It was just an illusion (scuse disco pun). Don`t worry. You WILL cope with this and WILL be fine and WON'T give a sh*t. You wouldn't have if you'd stayed your whole life with him, though. He's done you a favour. But for now, just cry it all out, give yourself a hall pass, and wait until your mind can recover from the shock and adapt to the new reality. Don't book much...go very easy on yourself and spoil yourself - your legs are in invisible traction in emotional hospital. And if you can't eat solids, try soup in a mug. You need your energy. Next comes going crazy with relief and freedom and ready for fun, really enjoying being single. It's a bit up-and-down (rollercoaster in reverse) but you get on with it, get used to the new routine, and then feel clean and shiny again, ready to go back onto the market (or start a new venture, whatever). Meantime, this is your safe, venting place. So post as often as you like - for a purpose or just for company and cheering-up. (Alone, my bottom!)

SOULMATE (moderator) I think you just may be my kind of people! THANK YOU!!!!!! ONE THOUSAND TIMES OVER. You made my scowl, laugh & cry (all within a 5min time frame). It has now been 10 days since our first big blow up. Believe it or not we are still not normal nor even talking. He however is still arguing at every given moment & I am walking away. Not responding. We only say a few necessary things per day in a semi-normal tone such as 'going to take the rubbish out'. Immature...yep agreed! The only thing benefitting is the dog. It seems we are trying to outdo each other with who she sits with & who gives her the most treats. Pathetic. I'm ashamed. I've cried myself to sleep most nights. Alone. He's in the other room. Attempted to talk sensibly in a mono tone about the whole issue. This resulted in a barrage like none other. I'll give an example soon as I wrote it down as it was being hurled in my direction. In fairness I gave some consideration to Soulmates remarks that he may be damaged. He says the Narc has been me for years. He says he is the victim. He says I've controlled him through the game. He says much more...he says A LOT. I am trying to get through my days. No smiling until I read Soul Mates full replies. Truth is I do the chores & shut up. What he's been saying is on repeat in my head. It has disturbed me. Greatly! You are insightful because I've always feared he has a suppressed dark side. He says the only thing that he hates in this World is me. I can't believe you suggested I bring Lee back. I already did in secret. My Partner tracks everything I do. Snoops even. There have been fights about getting into my doco files etc. I'll admit i got a sick joy out of bringing Lee back. Hence my username 'Transmutation'. Lee loved Lot so very much he literally did a deal with God. Bargained & came back in a new body. Reincarnation. Welcome Zaddy. I was enjoying this personal little secret until the real man behind Peter found out. How he discovered it is a mystery. But to say he's furious is an understatement. More later as he's trying to see what I'm doing as I type this.

PS Zaddy means Walks with a Swag, Sexual, Attractive & Fashionable among other things. Aptly chosen.

PSS Zaddy is also after the Archangel Zadkiel of mercy & freedom. I gave it some thought.

OH Lot is Mirra. My story has many twists & turns. She also needed a new look & name.

OK Sadly tonight it has ceased to be amusing in anyway. He is yelling that I am an abuser who used the game to manipulate & control his life. That I'm out of control. Don't know what I do. Told me to please go drink bleach so that he can call an Ambulance, have me admitted as insane & get the help that I need whilst locked up setting him free. I am now filled with woe. I didn't realise he saw things this way. I was acting my character (I must be very good at it) but it isn't a game. This is now very real. He's making up stuff & exaggerating. He is saying he's a victim of me & has been for years. He HATES me. I've caused him anxiety. I'm incapable of love. There is so much going on here & some is definitely contrived in his head. It is my fault. I didn't see this happening. I was so full of myself I was oblivious to his feelings. Guess that is true. He's taken all the money & cards. I said I was going to leave tomorrow. Now I'm penniless. I have nowhere to go. I've locked myself in my bedroom & I'm typing this. I feel a mixture of sick in the stomach & numb. I don't know him anymore. I don't like him anymore. My heart is shattered. Honestly, truly. I thought I was a good person, flawed of course, not wonderful far from perfect but he's yelling I'm a Monster. He says I turned the dog against him. Basically I'm a Horrible Person. Lesson Learnt! Don't play games with people you love as emotions get confused & mixed up and some people are unable to decipher the fiction from the fantasy. He couldn't switch it off. He took it to heart. My character was a bitch often. He took it personally. I wish I'd never started the game. It is too late to turn back the clock. The damage is done. I've lost 10 years of my life & the only person I had a chance to love me. He says he's talked to a counsellor & it is damage from the Controller (The Voice) they call me. He says I'm an Abuser, a Narc & will do anything to get my own way. He says that I won't kill myself because I love myself too much but how he wishes I would. I asked him if I'm this bad why didn't he leave? Why is he still here? He says that is what happens. He is afraid to be alone because of me & the damage I've caused. So what can I say to all this? I'm the Narc. I'm the Abuser. I caused his Anxiety. He has PTSD because of me:( I guess I did it. He says Peter is a victim of control freak Mirra. Lee was sucked in by the manipulative Bitch & is lucky to be dead away from her. Zaddy is her next victim and He (himself) my Partner has gone along with it all until somebody at his work made him realise that I am abusive & controlling through whatever means I can.

Hi there! Let me just have a thorough read of your latest...

"Believe it or not we are still not normal nor even talking." I do believe it, yes. Perfectly easily. Again, it's called The Silent Treatment, one of their main torture tools. "He however is still arguing at every given moment & I am walking away. Not responding." Woah. TEN WHOLE DAY'S WORTH OF OUTBURSTS? Now, this degree I've NOT seen before. . Woah. He's REALLY DETERMINED, isn't he. He's worked out that you're still at 80% confidence and is trying to kick the whole lot out of you in one fell swoop (of multi-swoops). IOW, this guy is actually trying to break you. (He won't, btw, you're WAY bigger and stronger than him, is the truth (that he can't abide...A WOMAN?...STRONGER THAN ME, A MAN?!). That's why he wants to deflate you down to his size - well, smaller actually.) Kudos for consistently refusing to engage. Did you read you should do that or do you just have incredible instincts? That's right- let HIM be the only one to exhaust himself! "Pathetic. I'm ashamed." Oh, GOD, don't even waste any time or energy WORRYING about it! That's like being ashamed because you turned up to what was supposed to have been a Chess Championship but found yourself forced to play bloody Tiddleewinks against a roomful of Downs Syndrome toddlers - winning (obviously) - and having had to accept your trophy...with the BBC news cameras there! How's that YOUR shame/fault/embarrassment? It'd be the organiser's, wouldn't it. Realising that - you'd take the PISS out of them! It's likely you're only feeling ashamed because the rest of your pack (him) should, according to the laws of sane, survivalist, pro-pack (pro-social) behaviour, be feeling and showing shame, BUT, DISTURBINGLY, IS FAILING TO.....and not just that, but WORSE - heaping on EVEN MORE reasons to need to feel like that! DAILY! ("Cuckoo!") When one is insane (it turns out, underneath the overly convincing mask of normality), the other has to suddenly switch up to DOUBLY sane, for the pack's continued survival..to counter the deficit, if you like. IOW, it's just yer wiring, luv. Ignore that "freaked-out behavioural critic" nonsense -- or it'll make your next few miles on the path, needlessly hard-going. You're going to be feeling a LOT of things that don't belong to you, were generated 2nd-hand. After all - remember - you are now his Feelings Dumping-ground. These feelings that make you illogically down on yourself are included in what happens when you're de-toxing (which you're doing daily since he spat the dummy). YOU ARE IN COLD TURKEY - psychological version. Does that now Ping! with you? Cry a river. Enourage your anger (it's your Turbo). Just grieve, within what is the last dribbles of the (er) relationship and - be sad and disillusioned, etc., yet. But do not judge and criticise yourself for what your mind is doing to uncontort itself (whether conscious-you likes it or not). It's just a well-worn process, but which only FEELS scary as hell, when it's not. It's your friend. Just be natural, trust what's happening to you, neurologically, is very much a part of your hard drive, needs no input from you, just cooperation, and do whatever it makes you strongly feel like doing...cry when you want to, punch sofa cushions or smash plates (when he's not there), stuff your face with chocolate...whatever. And taking the dogs for an actual RUN in the fresh air will be like a can of Red Bull, so do that...but not overly - you need spend only the anger fuel that's gone off, not the fresh stuff as well (keep that for dealing with him).

To continue... OMG, he's a HUGE one! But all those accusations - this is a well-worn part of the constantly, world-wide repeating, NPD plot as well. Go Google, narcissistic projection / why Narcissists project. Everything he's accusing you of - take note. Because it's actually a CONFESSION on his part (minus a bit of paranoid, unrealistic over-imagination, maybe). I know what he's doing now I've read more. Oh, this guy's WELL COVERT, he's a maestro. Luckily for you and tough luck for him - I'm a super-maestro. Let's squish him - shall we? He's cheating on you (probably always was - or nearly-was, keeping other women warm on the side, ready for the inevitable truth and his getting spat out) (sorry...better truth-out than in), AS WELL AS wants to knock you down to tiny size. So in with his latter agenda is his agenda to Blame-Shift (google) to avoid the tiny bit of conscience Sociopaths (weirdly) DO have that other types lack. It's called Demonization (google, why do cheating husbands demonize their wives). And it's just another outwardly-expressed form of their cheating AT EVERYTHING. Trying to disarm you - because you were on your way to your radar sensing it and then you playing PI and finding out. Anyway - I repeat - it is all lies and tactics. I know the sound and movements of Narcs and you're most definitely not one. Another way I know? Because the very (er) person who is accusing you of this exhaustive list of abusiveness is the who has spent the last 10 days behaving SEVERELY abusive towards you...and has now cranked up to REVEALING THAT HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN FINANCIALLY ABUSIVE AS WELL, which now he doesn't mind you seeing (since you now know he's a monster anyway). If his non-existent counsellor saw or heard - or even heard about his behaving like this - and not even to the degree he's using! - even 5% of that! - she would take it all back instantly and grovel at your, his victim's (target, actually - you ain't nobody's victim, you ain't) feet! When you're distraught you go into Fight or Flight or Freeze or Fawn mode. Or Grey Rock (you). It dumbs you down by a serious number of iQ points, whereupon your negative imagination goes haywire and you can't feel safe. You need to see a Family Law solicitor who specialises (a lot do, all of a sudden) in divorcing Narcissistic Abusers. They will get you emergency Interim Maintenance ASAP, paid monthly but backdated to when he cut the cord. (Simultaneously ring your bank about a short-term emergency loan, while you're waiting for it - ask solicitor to help.) And the fact he tried to cut off your financial lifelines, which again is just an emerging of a secret habit that was hidden from you all these years, will count very much against him in terms of how the marital wealth pot gets split. (Eeez goin DAAAWN!) Try really hard not to worry. The worse he behaves, the more he'll be doing you huge favours. You're doing remarkably fine, in fact, despite doing fine won't suddenly, instantly make you feel any better as emotions are slow to adjust down or switch off when a major change of data presents. It'll take a few days to sink in, but it will, and you will feel better again. I'll try to attend here more frequently. But please don't panic. I know first, second, third, etc-hand that although he can push your fear & insecurity buttons, there isn't ACTUALLY anything to feel fear about.

Also, as opposed to your mis-conclusion that you've wasted all those years, in fact, you've not. You've been and done an highly intensive diploma at the University of Life (inside your mind) that is going to give your bravery and capabilities a massive increase, to where your lifestyle and joie de vivre can't help but automatically without you even expending any real effort, improve MOST NOTICEABLY.

" I asked him if I'm this bad why didn't he leave? Why is he still here? " Every victim's purely logical question to what seems like illogical choice-making on his part (because yes they do hate you, despite fancy you and need to get with you to look sane and normal). But his true answer would be this: I'm still here because you and the situation are/were always/might still be useful and convenient (or certainly once I've taken all that new-found air out of you!). You're not my wife, really, you're my job...you're how I get rich-quick before you inevitably see my monster and spit me out. And my shop window (all normal in here, folks!). And my safetynet, should I need one. And my warm hole to put my you-know-what in. You're a tool of purpose I desire, at any moment. (I'm still gaffaw-ing over his calling YOU the abuser as he stands there in the midst of non-stop abusing you. Reminds me of a YouTube clip where the toddler swears and the father responds with, Stop *ucking swearing!)

PS start a diary log (on here if you like) of everything he does and says that day, and also start recording him and saving it to one of those data stick thingumies (haha, soz).

For now, call the Police and ask for the Domestic Abuse Unit. Explain that he has been subjecting you to a marathon 10-day-worth of verbal attacks, having now moved up a level to cutting off your access to any finance whatsoever - "please advise". (Don't let him get wind.) Before you do that - is there anyone you can stay a few nights with? PS: I'm sure it's because the dog is now scared of him. He's too aggressive and barks too much.

I have to ask: is he or has he at all been displaying any outward aggression towards the objects around you, e.g. punching tabletops or cupboard doors, walls, throwing cups, etc.? PS: the ridiculous (ffs, let's name him Violent Elizabeth, shall we?) please drink bleach. Reminds me of when some lady said to Winston Churchill, Sir, if I were your wife I would put poison in your cocoa! to which he replied, Madam, if I were your husband - I'd drink it.

Were it me, I'd not leave that house. I'd phone the Police (so they'd come round and warn him and he'd know his every move were being watched) and my doctor and a solicitor for an emergency Initial Consultation (after agreeing to bill you at the end of the divorce process) and my bank. I would then pack his suitcase - having (obviously all this when he's at work) called an emergency locksmith (who by the nature of his profession should agree to delayed payment in view of your situation just now), not to change the locks (not really legal) but ADD ONE (legal). And then put his suitcase on the driveway before securing all doors and windows. And then NOT LET HIM IN BY THE HAIR ON MY CHINNY-CHIN-CHIN! You can ask the Police to have an officer or Special be with you for just before he gets home. He's got to go.

Not you. You're not the one abusing anyone. And how he took that GAME makes him worryingly a bit deranged (or willing to look deranged in his bid to pull you down 10 pegs...both, probably). Him. He's too much. He's gone from 0 to 60 too quickly. 'Looking forward to' hearing about whether he's including physical intimidation tactics yet.

PS: when a Sociopath realises you're inches from waking up to the real, Monster Him and getting-rid, he tries to prevent damage to the petty conman position he'll need to ressurrect, in case no gullible (not really) woman rescues Poor Wickle Victim Him. As his ability to charm and con a replacement(s) of you will rely on those he knows not having any reason to stop believing what they've always believed - that he's Mr Nice, Normal, Husband Guy, NOT A Con Man Whatsoever, Totally Trustworthy... (well, it worked on you, huh). You might shop him to absolutely everyone you both know. So behind your back, the minute you stop being their No. 1 Fan, off they go, from house to house (so to speak), telling mutual friends, possibly even family, possibly even YOUR family, that YOU are the one who has been abusive in this marriage. Those that are worth keeping will know this isn't in your nature and stay your posse. Those that secretly never liked you will take his side. This means you'll lose the people who used to - even under your radar - dent your welfare, meaning, the quality of your social group will have become higher. Bullies rely on your silence, yet bust a gut encouraging you to shout from the Honeymooning rooftops, I've found the best guy in the world, gush-gush-gush. (You see, even from Hello they're preparing to leave you without getting their cover blown because... This means your relationship witnesses have to go from one extreme belief (he's her soulmate), too far over to the opposite (he's a monster and was all along). ...in which case your newly honed social circle will also contain the most intelligent people. :-) You're not actually in a position where you can lose anything. You can just be seriously impeded for a few weeks, that's all. You're in a position - thanks to him - where things can only get better and will. Whereupon you'll reflect on how it could be, that being no longer with your (ugh) soulmate (not) has left you chasmically better-off than with him. That's not how it works with pairbonding where the bloke is healthy and romantically full-functional. It's the other way around. ***** Again, don't panic or worry about how badly you feel in whatever moment. Nor believe some colleague got told the true events on which to form any valid, worthwhile opinion - IF the conversation took place at all, that is. DO NOT LISTEN OR CONSIDER FOR A MOMENT WHETHER THERE'S ANYTHING IN WHAT HE'S SAYING OR ACCUSING. I GUARANTEE YOU THERE IS NOT AND I KNOW MY ONIONS. You're right now, very clearly, feeling and behaving exactly like every other target who suddenly sees behind the mask and gets her brain duffed-up for it (whether for the purposes of sucking you back in to (obedience and) the marriage once you're too spent to protest, or to hobble you against going out-of-doors with your bell and loudhailer (hear ye, hear ye!...local man reveals he's really a monster...)). You fit the victim behavioural and attitudinal script EXACTLY and in 10ft neon. ;-)

Now let me totally disempower what he is doing and you're doing back. When my son was little, he hit that fledgeling adult point where he decided to try wielding his force of will on safe, trusted me...basically play Bart Simpson with me and wear me down with, "Yes it is". So I sat down at the table with him, reclined nonchalantly back in my chair and said, "No it isn't". By doing so, I had committed to a long haul. Had to. Had to show him (for his own sense of security and safety) who was still boss. If I'd let him so-called win - when he was only trying a grown-up suit on, not ready to leave home in it! - then he'd have felt that no-one had his back and his confidence would have crashed some. The beta male had taken on the alpha, and not adultly-well enough, so had to be shown that the trappings of adulthood was far less easy to achieve than that and would require far more practise, effot, intelligence, and mental discipline. Because out there, once he left home - the people he might have to lock horns with *wouldn't* be handicapped by loving him like a parent, with making allowances and giving in (and might just punch him in the face if he wasn't careful) so, why practise on one. What he needed for a true workout was a sparring partner. So...17 minutes later, his having previously grown so bored with the repetition he´d started switching it up here and there ("Sniz"..."Tis"..."Is tho"...), I sat and continued with my mantra despite he'd already given up and left the table a full 2 minutes beforehand. Can you see it's the same dance? He's trying (but for-real) to dominate you by breaking you? I mean - let's stop looking at the negative...let's stop focusing on what HE is doing or not doing. Let's look instead at what YOU have proven super-strong enough to do: SIT THERE, GOING, "NO IT ISN'T" - AGAIN AND AGAIN WITHOUT 'BLINKING' - FOR 10.....WHOLE......DAYS.............AND, LETS BE HONEST - NIGHTS! He can't believe it. "His bullying isn't working, waaaah!!!" Hence the attempt to crank up the pressure. I wonder if, whilst you're sat there making like a robot with a stuck record, his head will at some point, actually explode........? Ooh, let's hope. But anyway. He wants you to get in the mud with him, to get so worked up you FORGET TO REMEMBER about the fact there are the Police and courts out there, supporting the way you function, and punishing the way he does. Let him do the worrying because he's the one who's in the worst danger.

I don't actually feel like talking. I'm sick in my stomach, in shock & just feel BROKEN. I'm heading out soon to try & get some money. It is like the last 2 weeks are playing over in my mind. I'm wondering how it got this bad. The Thursday before Easter we were at the grocery store & it was super crowded. Like you'd think people were buying up big because a cyclone was coming or some such event. I turned to him & said "let's just grab a couple of things quickly & go as this place is making me nervous" & standing there I was shocked when he loudly said in response 'RETARDED BITCH'. I just turned on my heels & walked away. About 10mins later he found me in the grocery aisle & acted as though that hadn't happened. I didn't speak. I just scanned the items whilst he talked about Easter coming up on Sunday. I nodded at the appropriate moments. On Good Friday I didn't speak much at all. I'd listen & go 'yeah' when required. I was confused & hurt. Easter Saturday was BAD! He couldn't find the shirt he wanted. He demanded where I'd put it. I said 'haven't seen that one for awhile sorry don't know'. This tirade followed "You Selfish, Self Serving, Deceptive, Lying, Cunt. You are a Sociopath, schizophrenic, gas lighting, hypocritical idiot. Your personality is dangerous. You've taken it because you knew I wanted to wear it. You will be made to learn some bitter lessons". He fell silent for a few minutes & then followed up with this (you need to understand I have a doll collection that I love) "I'm going to get your dolls & set them on fire to teach you a lesson". I'd just sat on the sofa looking at him through all this. I felt physically ill. I grabbed the dog, my laptop & went upstairs to barricade myself in my room. I was shaking. (I spend a lot of time in my own room to avoid him) this time I felt so scared I actually pushed furniture up against the door. Tomorrow would be Easter Day & we were to go to Mums House. I sat there just staring into space. Then I heard as he'd put it on loudly the movie Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. He was laughing. Called out to me this is actually funny & then began singing along with the songs. I didn't come down until the next morning which was Easter Sunday. I didn't really sleep so felt like hell. My hands were actually physically shaking so hard on Easter Morning that I chipped my crock pot & couldn't hold my coffee cup properly. WE faked it at Mums. Happy Life Image was presented as always! She has dementia so isn't really with the program anyways. I'm gonna go for now. I feel inside like a betrayer as I type this. Truth I've been hiding away for some time. Told nobody until now anything. Don't like feeling like a failure. Don't want to admit that lovely one they all like so much has had me nervous for some time. Once again I whole heartedly thank SOULMATE. Your support has been truly wonderful. May I ask is it not possible that I'm a demanding Bitch who complains a lot about life in general & I wore him down over the years with my nagging? He's put up with me for years & I'm no skip through a flower filled park. I'm demanding. I'm high maintenance. I like things kept a certain way (neat & tidy) that has always irritated him. He is not cheating. He wouldn't. That is something he's always been adamant about. Cheating is the lowest of the low to him. That is why my character of Mirra set him off into fury. I made her want Lee & not him after years. Why did I do this? I was sick of him constantly berating me with what is wrong with me (my personality) in real life. Then my Partner started yelling in character as Peter at my character Mirra all the time! It wore me down. I was lonely & sad so I made the perfect man (Lee) enter my World. I made him come in as a Mate to Peter. I thought it would make the character of Peter pull his socks up. I was wrong, very wrong. (Talking Real Life now) Whenever I shut myself in my room (which is often) I'd write the Bio of Lee. I confess (pathetic) that I fell in love with my own character as I could make him treat me how every woman wants to be treated. Escapism. Fantasy. The lot! The day real life Partner read the script with Mirra having feelings for Lee well my Partner lost it. He put a hand on each side of my cheeks & started squeezing my head really hard. Like my face was in a vice grip. He was telling me off severely. Name calling flying! My first ever (Physical abuse) from my Partner. To say I was devastated when he finally let go does not cover it. I ran to a nearby park with strangers staring at me as I balled & rang my Sister (who lives far away) she couldn't understand me through the tears & told me to just calm down. She would not believe for one second that he hurt me physically. She said she was busy, had to go but tell him 'violence is never acceptable no matter how angry you get' that was the extent of that phone call. I doubt she even remembers. Many years ago now. The only time I ever indicated to anybody that things were not working out. There was never any caring or follow up from her. When she said goodbye I sat on a rock & sobbed my heart out with passers by staring at me. I stayed on that rock until night fall. I recalled this story with clarity to my Partner last night. He's said I'm imagining it, I fabricated the whole thing, OMG he doesn't know what I'm even talking about that I'm nothing but a twisted liar. That I'm mental & need serious help. He followed up with his Counsellor says I'm getting worse & that he is in danger from me as soon I'll lash out. I said that is rich. In danger from somebody that has never raised a hand to you in any way, shape or form. But you have slapped my face once with a blow when the game pissed you off & you also shook me once for a few seconds. All made up & contrived inside my damaged mind he said in response. BUT IT ISN'T. I know exactly where I stood & exactly how it went down. The next day after that episode I went into town to shop (retail therapy). I walked past his work & peered in the glass from across the street. I was not noticed by anybody. Why? They were all having a good laugh. My Partner especially. Real jolly so in the moment guffaw. Whereas I was shopping to try & comfort myself for the previous evening. I told myself my character had obviously taken it to far & rubbed him up the wrong way & he lost his temper (which was rare back then very out of the blue & unexpected). Not like these days the assassinations of my person (real life) & my character Mirra come thick & fast DAILY. I admit I've tolerated too much for too long but I didn't know how to stop it? My family is divided by distance, dysfunctional & one of those kind that pretend everything is normal when it is not. As my one off phone call years back to my Sister proved she didn't care & was disinterested well I've kept it to myself what really goes on behind closed doors for years. WOW! I talk too much. SORRY.

Note: he might well suddenly appear to fold and apologise. Do NOT fall for it, do NOT fall gratefully in his arms as if he's rescued you from that horrid dungeon. Remember he is the one who put you there (by pushing you down its stairs) as well as the one who repeatedly tortured you. He is NOT rescuing you or coming to his senses. He is simply taking a teabreak from torturing you, while he seemingly can, and presenting it as if he's decided to have mercy and cease. Continue your tack of not engaging, but start acting as if you're Eyeore and have lost your will to walk properly (shuffle-shuffle). Add in pretending to have no appetite (eating the minute he goes out). He'll believe his persistent assult is working and lay off a bit, probably taking the opportunity to continue where he left off working on whichever other woman he's presently working on (or male Flying Monkey if none of his extras were warmed-up enough to take the bait), i.e. duping into taking 'poor, victim-him' in, the minute you chuck him out. They will do anything not to end up in a position of in-between relationships (i.e. jobless). Even if you weren't his job - neither can they stand spending any time alone. They are such empty, dull, bored and boring personalities, compared to their acting character, that, as well as being unable to self-sooth, likewise can't self-entertain. More to the point, nor can they risk what's left of their conscience getting loose and starting to lecture them in their ear and asking uncomfortable questions....but mainly the bored and boring bit. Pathologically bored (google).

" I'm wondering how it got this bad. " You're wondering because the clues were all going on behind your back. He has used this play as his completely false excuse of a catalyst when in fact it's his quite long-awaited opportunity (because there's some other, more obseqious woman willing to get with him) to actually Discard or Pretend-Discard you. He could tell from the health and impressive functionality of the world and characters you'd created that he had under-estimated you all along and was going to have to get the bigger guns out. I'm sure you could tell he had a touch of arsehole in him before all this (just not to THIS horror-film-style degree!). But, as opposed to what he'd been hoping, you (again, your authorship and independence of mind was striking) hadn't let it or it hadn't been enough to erode you any. He decided that MAYBE you were too tough a nut to ever crack (into a personal Slave) and he'd be better off with less good-looking but far pliable and trainable Linda down the road. (Remember, he's unaware you know through me about what's going on behind the scenes. He thinks you still have no clue! As I said - he's DEEPLY covert. So normally, you wouuld't...until suddenly he - and her going along with it - were flaunting their soulmatedom on Facebook and with some of your mutual friends.) This is him putting it to the test to find out HOW strong...and to hopefully meet your breaking point (hence I know he's incredulous right now at your true Titanium-ness). Outcome A: You roll over and never disagree with him again, for fear of another marathon pasting and punishing. He then gets cockier than ever and keeps seeing this other pie he's gone to the trouble heating up so may as well benefit from. Your protests fall on deaf ears and your legs have long left you so you can't even show your disagreement by walking out the proverbial door. Outcome B: You don't roll over. He skips over to Linda's (and sets about planning how to manipulate you back but not back as you were, this time demoted...to another Linda figure - the mistress). Linda may not be as ideal a provider as you but she's better than living in someone's garage while watching out for another suitable victim to walk by (for when Linda wakes up and spits him out). Linda is then the wife figure while you're the more tantalising mistress (for a while, on-off). Then Linda gets cheated on, and demoted. So then it's wife-figure plus two mistresses (who never talk because they've been duped into loathing one another)......aaaand so on. (Sociopaths are ridiculously greedy (yet another reason to have lots of, always generous, Lindas). They'd rather live for a while in someone's garage or up a tree or on the street like a tramp or pretend traveller-backpacker, than spend any of the stockpiled money they'd subtly been extorting from you - and possibly any others his position as your partner made accessible - this entire time. They don't tend to spend their own money, they spend yours or save money by you. (Trust me, with a sociopath - the narc and conman (both romantic and street) in-one, it's always first and foremost about money, material assets/aids. E.g. they'll quietly sell any non-personalised fancy gifts you buy them and hope you don't ever notice (but with a plausible story ready, in case you do). Because that's the portal to their Unholy Grail: POWER. If you have power, you're untouchable. But they don't want to have to work for it, oh, no. They don't want to work for ANYTHING. You and the rest of the world can do that bit too! Because the world owes him. ************ I see you've posted again - hang on...

Okay. Houston, we have a full-on wife-batterer here. But his trying to turn your talent output TOXIC is obviously your line in the sand. Thanks for the extra data. I now know this defunct human is as follows: Retarded A bitch Selfish Self-serving Lying Deceptive A c**t A Sociopath - comorbid with Paranoid Schizophrenia (no shit, Sherlock, ha!) An arsonist A gaslighter (psychological abuser, not just emotional) An idiot A hypocrite (a special kind of stupid) Dangerous A child-hater (including their effigies) (probably because they're naturals at grabbing attention, whereas he wants it all, and also because he knows how much you love them...this is him scraping the barrel in his bid to finally shove you into SHOCKED-and-stupid mode, so that he stands a chance)... ***************************************** At this point let me just break off to say: " I felt physically ill. I grabbed the dog, my laptop & went upstairs to barricade myself in my room. I was shaking. (I spend a lot of time in my own room to avoid him) this time I felt so scared I actually pushed furniture up against the door." You're perfectly safe (albeit very upset). You have a HUGE talent. Because SOMEHOW you instinctually, quick-as-lightning respond to and tend to yourself, rathern than react to or tend to him. That is exceptionally rare, to behave so sensibly and intelligently under such enormous fire. Example, I often have to tell people to respond with an attitude of YUCK, I`M OFF!, rather than MEW-MEW, WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEEEAN TO MEEEE? Not with you, I don't. This bozo must be your first. You too easily are shocked (GOOD!) at his abnormal behaviour and too easily jump into your suit of armour (EXCELLENT!). Put more simply, you refuse to play the game and are impossible to suck in. You're too stubborn (FANTASTIC!) to brainwash. Wow, he really WAS deeply undercover, wasn't he. This really IS a case of "the first day Dr Jekyll turned into Mr Hyde' - or should I say, the first day WITH YOU PRESENT TO WITNESS IT. ****************************************** ...Self-important Convinced he is automatically superior ("Now I feel better so you, Slave, have to feel better too") ---------This is what I foretold above - here it is - him pretending the tea-break is a resumption of normality and that, by his pleasant invitation to watch TV with him, the storm is over. It's not. You're in the Eye. Additionally, should you decline, he at least gets a skin-graze shot in - via the fact that hearing him laughing would insult the hell out of your sense of justice!) And by the way: "I feel inside like a betrayer as I type this. Truth I've been hiding away for some time." Actually, that's not it at all. You feel a sensation that mimics feeling like a betrayer (we have a limited range of spirits for mixing our emotional cocktails, so telling them apart can be difficult), which is lucky when you only have language for that state, not THIS alien one! When a truth is this world-faith-shattering, our survival instinct takes over and forces us to see and hear nothing on the conscious awareness level. It ekes out from the Preconscious in tiny little layers of jigsaw pieces until a slow (but seemingly sudden when it hits critical) dawning on you takes place. That way you haven't crashed at 90mph into a tree, you've merely rolled to a standstill against the tree and experienced a bit of a bump. A bit of a bump with a tree, however, produces more of an impact than you'd expect. So it's still shocking. Just not to the degree that could have snapped your mind or at best blown a few circuits. You and every other human being on the planet, lack any control or say over whatever is your inner animal's job (dodging tigers 'n shit) and decisions and tactics thereby to take to ensure your continuance and mental sanity. So it's simply not true to say "I feel like a betrayer" and suchlike. The truthful statement is that you have an incredibly strong, capable animal intelligence inside of you that takes really impressive care of you. OHHH NOOOO, HOW TERRIBLE. Listen, if bozo had what you have, he too would have landed gently enough all those years ago not to have broken. But he doesn't so he did. As it's now the wee hours, I'll have to resume my list and responses after a sleep. Try a sleep yourself or listen to the radio to keep you grounded in reality and normality. PS: "WOW! I talk too much. SORRY." Don't worry about it. I'm really quite clever - I can even read WHOLE BOOKS! LOL. No, seriously - do NOT stop talking, it's very helpful.

Okay. Houston, we have a full-on wife-batterer here. But his trying to turn your talent output TOXIC is obviously your line in the sand. Thanks for the extra data. I now know this defunct human is as follows: Retarded A bitch Selfish Self-serving Lying Deceptive A c**t A Sociopath - comorbid with Paranoid Schizophrenia (no shit, Sherlock, ha!) An arsonist A gaslighter (psychological abuser, not just emotional) An idiot A hypocrite (a special kind of stupid) Dangerous A child-hater (including their effigies) (probably because they're naturals at grabbing attention, whereas he wants it all, and also because he knows how much you love them...this is him scraping the barrel in his bid to finally shove you into SHOCKED-and-stupid mode, so that he stands a chance)... ***************************************** At this point let me just break off to say: " I felt physically ill. I grabbed the dog, my laptop & went upstairs to barricade myself in my room. I was shaking. (I spend a lot of time in my own room to avoid him) this time I felt so scared I actually pushed furniture up against the door." You're perfectly safe (albeit very upset). You have a HUGE talent. Because SOMEHOW you instinctually, quick-as-lightning respond to and tend to yourself, rathern than react to or tend to him. That is exceptionally rare, to behave so sensibly and intelligently under such enormous fire. Example, I often have to tell people to respond with an attitude of YUCK, I`M OFF!, rather than MEW-MEW, WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEEEAN TO MEEEE? Not with you, I don't. This bozo must be your first. You too easily are shocked (GOOD!) at his abnormal behaviour and too easily jump into your suit of armour (EXCELLENT!). Put more simply, you refuse to play the game and are impossible to suck in. You're too stubborn (FANTASTIC!) to brainwash. Wow, he really WAS deeply undercover, wasn't he. This really IS a case of "the first day Dr Jekyll turned into Mr Hyde' - or should I say, the first day WITH YOU PRESENT TO WITNESS IT. ****************************************** ...Self-important Convinced he is automatically superior ("Now I feel better so you, Slave, have to feel better too") ---------This is what I foretold above - here it is - him pretending the tea-break is a resumption of normality and that, by his pleasant invitation to watch TV with him, the storm is over. It's not. You're in the Eye. Additionally, should you decline, he at least gets a skin-graze shot in - via the fact that hearing him laughing would insult the hell out of your sense of justice!) And by the way: "I feel inside like a betrayer as I type this. Truth I've been hiding away for some time." Actually, that's not it at all. You feel a sensation that mimics feeling like a betrayer (we have a limited range of spirits for mixing our emotional cocktails, so telling them apart can be difficult), which is lucky when you only have language for that state, not THIS alien one! When a truth is this world-faith-shattering, our survival instinct takes over and forces us to see and hear nothing on the conscious awareness level. It ekes out from the Preconscious in tiny little layers of jigsaw pieces until a slow (but seemingly sudden when it hits critical) dawning on you takes place. That way you haven't crashed at 90mph into a tree, you've merely rolled to a standstill against the tree and experienced a bit of a bump. A bit of a bump with a tree, however, produces more of an impact than you'd expect. So it's still shocking. Just not to the degree that could have snapped your mind or at best blown a few circuits. You and every other human being on the planet, lack any control or say over whatever is your inner animal's job (dodging tigers 'n shit) and decisions and tactics thereby to take to ensure your continuance and mental sanity. So it's simply not true to say "I feel like a betrayer" and suchlike. The truthful statement is that you have an incredibly strong, capable animal intelligence inside of you that takes really impressive care of you. OHHH NOOOO, HOW TERRIBLE. Listen, if bozo had what you have, he too would have landed gently enough all those years ago not to have broken. But he doesn't so he did. As it's now the wee hours, I'll have to resume my list and responses after a sleep. Try a sleep yourself or listen to the radio to keep you grounded in reality and normality. PS: "WOW! I talk too much. SORRY." Don't worry about it. I'm really quite clever - I can even read WHOLE BOOKS! LOL. No, seriously - do NOT stop talking, it's very helpful.

Hi again, Let me just clear up some important confusions: 1. " May I ask is it not possible that I'm a demanding Bitch who complains a lot about life in general & I wore him down over the years with my nagging? He's put up with me for years & I'm no skip through a flower filled park. I'm demanding. I'm high maintenance. I like things kept a certain way (neat & tidy) that has always irritated him" No it is not possible. And being clean, tiday, fussy, particular, are not faults in a marriage, they're quirks - AND BENEFITS if you, the bloke, want to be able to ask your friends round without cringing in embarrassment over the dirt and chaos everywhere. 2. The becoming complaining and demanding bit is what most almost all long-suffering wives (and some husbands in your position with female sociopaths) end up behaving like, thanks to having lived and drip-drip-suffered too long with them, a symptom of her despair (at her seeming helplessness and loss of hope) and frustration. They start to bring the worst out in their live-in victims, too, whereby the victim behaves in ways uncharacteristic for them, to the extent where, inevitably at some point, the victim 'catches sight of herself in the mirror' and feels bad about it. 3. You're shaking, suffering anxiety. Narcs don't shake or suffer anxiety. Not least because they're the one in control, knowing what's going on and what's going to happen next (if they have their way), they aren't the one having been systematically torn to shreds whereby their neurological system goes into overdrive (the shakes). 4. Giant Narcs also don't beat themselves up (no shame, no guilt, no remorse), especially in front of another person. (Questioning whether YOU are to blame is a perverse attempt for the victim to regain some control. Because if they're to blame anywhere, then they have the power to change it and improve matters.) 5. A healthy spouse also would sit down and rationally, calmly talk to YOU if he were unhappy with a situation, not a colleague (ridicuous!) who knows only the lies and blame-shifting he's being fed (thus clearly can't spot a narc, thus clearly knows nothing about how they operate and use and manipulate other people - all just so's the narc can attempt to lend weight to, i.e. double their false accusations (some gullible, surface-story-swallowing bloke down the road who's never met you agrees with me that you're the abusive nutter, so that's two against one and now you have to believe me...pff.). It's part of Triangulation (google). 6. They also don't feel and show gratitude to anyone who offers to help them. Because the world owes them (Narcissistic gross over-entitlement - google). I could sit here all day, pointin-out the glaring (to those that know what to spot) differences. **************I'm sure I advised you not to tell him anything? You obviously mentioned the N-word, however. DO NOT INFORM HIM OF ANOTHER THING, NOT WHAT YOU'VE FOUND OUT, HOW YOU FEEL, WHAT YOU PLAN TO DO (THAT YOU HAVE ANY PLAN FULL-STOP). Please google - How to safely leave a sociopath - so that you don't say or let slip or show anything else that could crank him up worse.***************** Make him believe business is back to normal, that you don't want to think, can't think, don't even know how you feel, you're just sad and upset, don't want to talk, can't talk, and want to be by yourself. I have another sign in particular, the biggest, most noteable, that you aren't the Narcissist: Virtually every narcissist, when accused of being such, turns around and projects. They do it, even to assessing psychiatrists... will scream, "I'M NOT A NARCISSIST - YOU ARE!" etc. Inwardly, secretly, however, they don't even care or will take it proudly as confirmation that they're different, special and superior to us normals. Only a non-narcissist and victim would ever even remotely question whether they themselves are the problematic element. Plus, of course, the glaring fact that you and only you are the one being systematically put through the meat-grinder. If YOU were a bully and he an innocent, then he'd be the one on this forum. OKAY?

Every cheating or eventually-cheating narcissist is he (or she) who throughout the marriage swore they wouldn't-couldn't ever be a cheater. Mantra for you: I asked the liar if he was a liar and he said no. I asked the liar if he was a cheater and he said NO WAY, NEVER-NEVER-NEVER. And then got found-out. And then blamed it entirely on his victim It's called "Look what you made me do" (to you). Give a normal-healthy male an house-proud, fastidious wife over a spouse-batterer ANY DAY!

Another thing: AS SOON AS the wife turned into a harridan, a healthy bloke would also quite quickly demand counselling or seek a divorce. Actually - wait - he wouldn't. Because she wouldn't GET so ground-down with the healthy husband in the first place so there'd be no need! This blaming-the-victim crap is just that - crap. Sociopaths are pathological liars (go google). They'll even deny the sky is blue and, if you prove it is, insist you're deluded and your evidence nothing of the sort and anyway what do scientists and meteorologists know, anyway...the sky is NOT blue, it is pink with purple spots, and by the same token, well if it is that's YOUR fault. Are you web-surfing up on all of this while you're in your room? I strongly suggest you do. And then you won't suffer any more of this needless, but harmful self-doubt and confusion. Try TrueLoveScam by Jennifer Smith (once-victim now lay expert). And lots more ladies and gents in the know. ********** To finish off my list: bet he's a petty thief as well. Because that's what they are - thieves seeking a respectable cover, long-term (by conning the clearly decent, respectable woman into being convinced he's The One so she should let him move-in or marry him). Anything ever gone missing, any money from your purse e.g.?

Next tip for this stage: Never say, Don`t do X, it hurts - or would hurt. It's called painting a bullseye on yourself. At the first negative opportunity, they will deliberately do EXACTLY what you've warned them not to do. A person who is most of the time hurt and ground-down is significantly easier to control (and these boys are nothing if not lazy) than a healthy, confident, vibrant woman who knows herself and her own mind well. It is a perverse huge compliment if you attract a social predator to begin with. They're superior (not) so they deserve (don't) a partner who turns heads or (normally) attracts people to her...is a bit different and special or charasmatic or good-looking or career-successful, rich, particularly warm, understanding and generous...whatever. Nurses and Carers are a common target, for instance. And counsellors all the way to psychiatrists (yep! Because we none of us fall for someone using our logical minds. It's the domain of the emotional. EXCLUSIVELY SO if the narc Love-Bombs them enough during Honeymoon. Many, many, many women (and some men) are in your exact same position today. Trust me on that.

Here you go - read this extract by Dr George Simon about when the mask comes off/he rips it off in one go - website link: https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/when-the-mask-comes-off-a-covert-character/ Caps (to relate it to you and your sitution right now or explain things more clearly) are mine. ************* "Covert Narcissists and Aggressors When the mask comes off a covert narcissist or aggressor, it’s usually too late. Too late for what? Too late to recoup your emotional, and sometimes, material losses (THROUGH MAKING THINGS RIGHT AGAIN WITH HIM). Of course, you can’t reclaim lost time, either. (YOU CAN, ACTUALLY.) But it’s never too late reclaim a more vital life. To do that, however, you must first reclaim yourself. Covert narcissists and aggressors know how to gaslight. And years of that can have you losing a sense of who you really are. (INCLUDING THAT YOU'RE NOT THE REAL ABUSER-CONTROLLER YOURSELF) So, for all you may have lost, there’s much to be gained once the mask comes off.(OHHHH YES! - WITHIN EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE) You don’t just see them for who they truly are. You begin to know yourself again. (AND WILL IN RECORD TIME CATCH UP TO THE PERSON YOU'D HAVE BECOME AT THIS POINT HAD YOU NEVER MET HIM, BUT *MORE* INDEPENDENTLY CONTENTED AND SUCCESSFUL DUE TO THE FACT YOU DID.) Covert narcissists and aggressors can be quite charming at first. (UNDER-STATEMENT!) (See: How Charming Narcissists Fool You.) (See also: Narcissistic Charm Can Easily Blindside.) They know just what to say and how to act to curry your interest and favor. Their aim is simple: to get something they want (WINDOW DRESSING, USING A LOVELY PARTNER/WIFE AND HER LIFESTYLE) and to look good doing it. But there’s a really big difference between looking good and being good. It’s a matter of character. Nowadays, we have to be a lot more careful in vetting a potential relationship partner’s character. That’s why I wrote In Sheep’s Clothing and Character Disturbance. Many have debated just how aware covert narcissists and aggressors are. (IF YOU'RE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOUR OWN, CRAP NATURE TO ACT THAT WAY DELIBERATELY BECAUSE YOU MAKING A LIVING OR ACCRUING SAVINGS LAZILY IN WHATEVER WAY DEPENDS ON IT - THEN YES, OF COURSE THEY'RE AWARE OF WHAT THEY'RE DOING. IF ALL THEY DO WITH THEIR CONDITION IS PECK, BITCH, MOAN, COMPETE, SCORE EGO POINTS - CLEARLY *NOT*. SOCIOPATHS KNOW FULL WELL.) The longstanding theory was that we all wear masks. And we’ve long believed everyone was unaware of both the masks and the reasons for them. But some folks (WITH BROKEN MINDS) are intentional with the masks they wear. Their life script is one of impression management. They know very well that they could not manipulate if they didn’t first deceive. If they were known for who they really are they might not even be liked, let alone invited into a relationship. When the Mask Comes Finally Comes Off Most generally, the mask comes off a covert narcissist or aggressor when there’s no more need to keep it. Once they think they have you where they have always wanted you, (OR ARE CONVINCED THEY'VE BURNED YOUR BRIDGE ANYWAY) manipulators have no more need for pretense. But by then in a relationship, it’s too late to undo the damage done (THROUGH HIM). So the only thing left is to cut your losses (AND TELL YOUR SOLICITOR EVER-Y-THING). This is difficult. It’s painful to realize what a character-impaired relationship has cost you. And it’s even more painful to reckon with what it will likely take to put your life back together. (BECAUSE IMAGINATION IN A NEGATIVE STATE OF MIND EQUALS NEGATIVE IMAGINATION RUNNING AWAY WITH THE VICTIM AND SCARING HER OFF HER ESCAPE ROUTE.) Sometimes it’s a complete shock when the mask comes of a skilled covert character. (- YOU) But at other times it can be a real relief. (YOURS HASN'T KICKED-IN YET BUT IT WILL) Knowing and facing the truth can put an end to the gaslighting effect. Under the gaslight, you stop trusting your gut. But once the mask comes off you realize your gut was right all along. So, you’re free to start trusting yourself and your instincts once again. This is something to be truly grateful for. But sometimes manipulation victims just blame themselves for not waking up sooner. That’s not only sad but also pointless. And it often keeps manipulation victims from embracing lessons learned and moving on."

PS: If you're the type who did't grow up thus wasn't slowly-steadily over the decades made too tolerant to narcissistic (bad) behaviour whereby you believed "all families and people are like this" (nope!) and are also ticketyboo the day you cross their path, then you're not THEIR type. UNLESS!....you're down and needy and desperate enough to believe their impression (that they're the answer to your prayers somehow). And then that makes you a REAL CATCH! because NORMALLY a woman like you would see them (and how they behave and speak) as too far down the league table from you and, during chat-up, think, Ugh what a creep, make your excuses and leave, never to see him again. So WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY! They bust a special Acting gut to ensure you say yes to a date or another date.

If he wasn't a Narc, and had been healthy like you, everything you had been doing and saying over the years would have produced the correct outcome: Contented Couple-ville. But unbeknownst to you, you've basically been trying to persuade (then nag) a lizard to want to put up shelves.

PS: " How he discovered it is a mystery." He's electronically snooping. Check for bugs and trackers in your hardware and software or call a techie in. Delete your history on a regular basis. If there are any other examples of 'his being a wizard' - let me know immediately.

IMPORTANT PS: If anyone else you finally confide in has trouble believing you or that he could go so 'from Jekyll into Hyde' like this, after significant but too petty signs in the however-long run-up back when he was still in-character (Mr Mainly Nice Guy) - AND YOU TRUST THAT THEY ARE, ALWAYS HAVE BEEN AND ALWAYS WOULD ONLY EVER BE IN "TEAM TRANSMUTATION" - your true posse - then let them read this, followed by this thread: *********************************************************************************************************************************************** Oy, pal! She luvs ya but ya needs to get an education so you understand how it works and why she had to wait til now to tell you the whole picture - okay?

Natalie Imbruglia - "Torn" I thought I saw a man brought to life He was warm, he came around like he was dignified He showed me what it was to cry Well you couldn't be that man that I adored You don't seem to know, or seem to care what your heart is for I don't know him anymore There's nothin' where he used to lie Our conversation has run dry That's what's goin' on Nothing's fine, I'm torn I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel I'm cold and I am shamed Lying naked on the floor Illusion never changed Into something real I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn You're a little late I'm already torn So I guess the fortune teller's right Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light But you crawled beneath my veins and now I don't care, I have no luck I don't miss it all that much There's just so many things That I can't touch, I'm torn I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel I'm cold and I am shamed Lying naked on the floor Illusion never changed Into something real I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn You're a little late I'm already torn Torn There's nothing where he used to lie My inspiration has run dry That's what's goin' on Nothing's right, I'm torn I'm all out of faith This is how I feel I'm cold and I am shamed Lying naked on the floor Illusion never changed Into something real I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn I'm all out of faith This is how I feel I'm cold and I am ashamed Bound and broken on the floor You're a little late I'm already torn Torn ************* I thought I saw a man brought to life = I was convinced my dream man had finally materialised on my path for-real. He was warm, - nuff said he came around like he was dignified = He used to "come around" (after or during a fight, seemed willing to listen to my side and compromise). He showed me what it was to cry = But even during Honeymoon I'd find myself far more upset after a clash (that always proved "too much") than I ever believed possible (EARLY RED FLAG - taken as a positive thing rather than a sign the man was too extreme and okay with making her cry a lot). Well you couldn't be that man that I adored - **you act nothing like him any more, more like the complete opposite...oh, and we do NOT have loads of things in common like you made out, including beliefs and morals - in fact, looking at you today you have somehow morphed into THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF ME! You don't seem to know, or seem to care what your heart is for = Doesn't have one any more, that's why I don't know him anymore - (nor see him anywhere any more, just monster-you) - Nuff said **There's nothin' where he used to lie - Ditto Our conversation has run dry - Unsurprisingly...plus she probably daren't open her mouth at all any more That's what's goin' on = I! - ME! - have somehow found myself in the position of a battered wife! How the eff and when did THAT happen?!? Nothing's fine, I'm torn - Cognitive Dissonance..."Where do I stand? Let's see....He obsessively loves me (- it was infatuation actually), he obsessively loves me not (hates me), he obsessively loves me, obsessively loves me not, lovesmelovesmenotlovesmelovesmenot.........but he can't do BOTH (oh, HE can) so - WHICH IS IT?!, AAAARGH MY POOR BRAIN! I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel - Nuff said I'm cold and I am shamed = Me! Me! Now a battered wife! Seriously - WTF...?! Lying naked on the floor - He's stripped me of my ability to keep warm and protected, as well as of my confidence and energy with which to take remedial action. Illusion never changed Into something real - NOPE! I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn = The illusion is over because the mask is properly off. The love-sky was never real, it was a piece of theatrical scenery (think The Truman Show final scene when he bumps into the fake horizon). Mine and other healthy men and women's sky is Blue but his actually IS pink with purple spots (or may as well be)! I got heavily involved WITH A LOON! You're a little late I'm already torn = I can't come back from this. No self-respecting person could and still live with herself. So that means we're over already so - save the attempt to fake apologise and hoover me into resuming with you and let me get on with getting my head around this utter madness So I guess the fortune teller's right Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light = Whichever friend tried while I was still on Cloud 9 to helpfully hint that something about his behaviour and vibe wasn't right...but I should have seen it myself (NOPE - YOU WERE DRUGGED-UP ON HONEYMOON HEROIN - PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE - hence why driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs has to be a crime, lol). But you crawled beneath my veins and now = You surreptitiously turned me into a mind-homemade heroin addict I don't care, = you and this ephiphany have kicked the last bit of Love out of me I have no luck - (The lament of the woman who's dated only Narcs or the heavily narcissistic) I don't miss it all that much = Because now you creep me out plus getting romantically physical would obviously be as FUTILE an act as it turns out it all along was! There's just so many things That I can't touch, I'm torn = Things I can't control or influence, let alone mend. I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel = No faith that any kind of relationship with you could ever be possible. It's how I feel too hard, now, so now, neither is there anything you can do. You've simply gone too far. You've nuclear-bombed our relationship beyond repair or hope. She's wide awake. Wide awake means wide awake. Going back to sleep or being drugged back to sleep, not possible. Give it up, creep. Just leave me the hell alone or better yet - leave.

By the way... Creating a story character that you can fall in-love with (CHEERED-UP BY) is a very clever, VERY CREATIVE AND ARTISTIC, coping mechanism for having had it dawn on you that you were unjustly incarcerated in your own Guantanamo Bay. ACTUALLY. Not pathetic in the slightest! That's a bit like automatically, involuntarily, just naturally doing professional ballet moves while untying all the ropes that bind you! That makes you an Escape Artist. Or Artistic Escapist? LOL Pa-WHAT, NOW? Stop beating yourself up FOR him, please. That's what he WANTS - his onslaught to echo and continue going frantically round and round your brain (due to not being able to work it out and make it make sense). STOP. Only the shiniest, reddest apples from the top of the tree attract the Narcissist. As they're too lazy to climb the tree (or anything), they, as I say, either wait for you to drop to the grass below due to an unexpected gale or bolt of lightning OR chuck sticks and rocks at you until you fall down to the grass (beneath them). It's a compliment. You're a catch. And I'll bet your house looks GREAT! So you're hard-working as well. Well, look at the rate you're going at and, nuff said. It's rare that I'm the one trying to keep up with the poster rather than the other way round!

Oh, wait - I missed this! "My family is divided by distance, dysfunctional & one of those kind that pretend everything is normal when it is not. As my one off phone call years back to my Sister proved she didn't care & was disinterested well I've kept it to myself what really goes on behind closed doors for years. WOW! I talk too much. SORRY." The reason she didn't care is because she's a narcissist whose condition demands that anyone even remotely in her life has to agree with her all the time over everything, especially that she is SO FAB!, even if she's just minutes before finished being a nasty arsehole. You don't suit her purposes. And god FORBID you try to make her feel obliged to help you! And as love is no bind (because they can't bond), either - all they feel like doing with you is dropping you in the bin. Other people to them are just tools, like tin-openers - the ones that work the best being in the Empath range (big givers for the taker). But like the stunted toddlers they are, the minute another brand comes out, they ditch you for it (because they have no sentimental attachment to it....they'd be unlikely to keep their teddy, give their car a pet-name, for example, or have a favourite cup (although these little signs aren't diagnotic in isolation). Your sister is a biological robot so you're a broken or inadequate tin-opener. You just make such a good case that you succeed in making her feel- not BAD, but wrong thus Not Superior (that can't happen so out you go!). It's like a rapist, soon as he's finished, demanding you admit and apologise for having MADE HIM do that, OR/and running to the Police to tell them you've just raped HIM. Trust me, your life would be FAR worse if she too were still in it. One monster at a time, please, LOL. But somehow, you DIDN'T come off that family tree all rotten on the inside! You came out of the womb with better, bouncier genes and ones that made you too aware of the truth versus ollocks and right versus wrong, even BEFORE the actual parenting could begin. You came out REALLY WELL BAKED (AND DECORATED). You wouldn't want her. Sad and Not Normal nor the way it should have been, as it understandably is. If you're not a masochist, if you wish to live a long, healthy life, if you wish not to go slowly mad or at best turn into someone with "something not right up-top and too bad-moody and stressy", etc., etc, then cutting them out is the only DIY life-saving choice. And by the way, it's not your interpersonal duty to tell the other person you talk too much and apologise for it. It's their right, based only their personal preference (thus subjective opinion), to politely tell you or indicate clearly if they find you too talkative for them so could you slow down a bit, please, etc. There is need for you to tell me how to take you. Especially not when it's not even your own true opinion but the "opinion" of one or more seriously psychologically-disturbed individuals like your should-have-been-sister and should-have-been-husband/partner. It's a product of how they've trained you to walk on eggshells (google) around them, which you've taken on to the point where you're extending it to everyone. To a narcissist, this sort of white noise would be a Green Light to come scoop you up. Note that and try to stop pre-apologising for yourself. Personally, I think you're fab. A very impressive individual, even in a beaten-up state. But then, I have no need to "hate" any people who tell the truth and tell it like it is, even if they're in my ear daily, do I. You have the right qualities but the wrong receipient (monster-partner) (and monster-blister before him). Monster Man spat the dummy because the man you brought to life (Lee), whom clearly lit your candle in every way possible - as could be seen as Lee emerged more and more into view - epitomised everything your monster wasn't and could never be. And if your plasticine man is the opposite of monster, then clearly you're unhappy with monster BECAUSE YOU CAN SEE HE'S THE OPPOSITE. Get it? So he could work out that although the collective truth about him, monster, hadn't yet hit your full conscious, it was only days or weeks away from doing so! HENCE THE 10-DAY MENTAL TORTURE CAMPAIGN. You were wide awake, couldn't be drugged back to sleep, so got duffed-up (which is exhausting enough to put you back to sleep). That simple. Also, ref I'm not the Narc, you are!, crap : If you passed an inebriated, clearly bona-fidely alcoholic tramp in the street and voiced your plain observation to him that he was, and he denied it as well as claimed, NO, YOU ARE! - would you change your mind or consider if his accusation possibly held any truthful basis? No. Clearly not, considering the glaring evidence and actions say the complete opposite. Go on the web and browse all the victim support sites and blogs with their comments below, to see evidence of the innumerable amount of people in your same boat out there as we speak - with what sounds too uncannily like the one, same bloke! ********* He once WAS a bloke (or could and should have been if he hadn't been made Narcissistic) (and yes, you CAN "make" CHILDREN do and be stuff) but now he's a zombie. A walking corpse. And zombies are all the same,...carbon copies. Save for the hair and eye colour etc. It's so easy to break a child. If they're delicate and not intelligent or strong-minded enough when attempts first start. The difference is, even if a non-delicate kid starts to fall under the effects of that way of being and, say, for the first time, takes all their understandable, banked-up anger and directs it at (does something bullying to) their friend or sibling - they can SEE what they're doing as they do it, *it's getting fed back to them*. And seeing themselves reflected like that, shocks and horrifies them out of it. And then they feel SO INCREDIBLY ASHAMED, GUILTY AND TERRIBLE at having behaved so horridly like a truly horrid person, that they can even go TOO far, PAST Nice, from then on, either towards that nearly-victim or everyone indiscriminately. This doesn't happen to a Narcissist during his first virgin mission to bully-out his bad feelings on someone innocent. Either he doesn't see himself or he does but doesn't cease BECAUSE HE LIKES IT! And it's results and after-effects. Same for serial killing. Some try it once and REALLY DON'T LIKE IT, are very disturbed by it and never ever dream of trying it again. The ones that LIKE IT, like it more and more and start doing it more and more. (Ending other humans...can't get more powerful than that (not).) They become addicted to killing and find life too "nothing" without it. Plus by then it's the only way they can experience any state of emotional arousal. It's like when your drug of choice ceases to do the trick because you've been doing too much and have desensitised to it, so you move to harder and harder drugs just to get the same effect. So for those experts out there still insisting sociopathy has nothing to do with genetic disposition like does psychopathy. There you go. Being shocked at your own behaviour when it's alien to you at your young age, relies on intrinsic morals (i.e. genetic memory) and parental reinforcement of them. The child might not find what they're doing shocking (because the parents are shocking but unshockable), but that programming will, and will generate said feelings to make him stop. That's why (properly) going No Contact is so fantastic. If your shockability still lives but has been gaffataped, your system gets time to re-set, whereby, next time you see idiot behave "not right", you (FINALLY, HURRAH!) rightfully find it truly shocking into feeling repulsed and wanting nothing more to do with them. But it also gives them time to (if they're mild enough and just got too out of control in a lather) wake-up to themselves and seek therapy. Or not (usually)...thereby just providing yet further proof of what they are and always will be and how you made the right choice. My opinion is that only Benign Narcs seek therapy. Malignants are maligants because they're too far gone and daren't. They sense correctly that to recover from NPD takes having virtually every misshapen bone in your body (mind) broken by the therapist in order to reset them correctly. (Puts dreading the dentist into the shade, eh!) You don't have to anticipate an outcome when someone is unfairly hurting you and refuses to stop, anyway. You just have to get them the hell away from you and quick. And THEN try to work it all out. Same reason why a homicide detective doesn't elect to move-in with a suspected serial killer or invite him to stay at his house. He can work out what the guy is and what deaths he's guilty for, perfectly easily from his desk at the station...innit.

I'm naming the rabid puppies for you. Cute names to disempower their rabidness. "psychologically-disturbed individuals like your should-have-been-sister and should-have-been-husband/partner" As acronyms (almost) - we have sh-ister = Shister. And then we have sho-ve-band = Shoveband. Shister and Shoveband. Haha - like them?

You're very quiet. Do I take it you've got Shoveband in your face again right now?

I´ll continue anyway. Feel free to dive back in at any point. " I recalled this story with clarity to my Partner last night. He's said I'm imagining it, I fabricated the whole thing, OMG he doesn't know what I'm even talking about that I'm nothing but a twisted liar. That I'm mental & need serious help. He followed up with his Counsellor says I'm getting worse & that he is in danger from me as soon I'll lash out. I said that is rich. In danger from somebody that has never raised a hand to you in any way, shape or form. But you have slapped my face once with a blow when the game pissed you off & you also shook me once for a few seconds. All made up & contrived inside my damaged mind he said in response. BUT IT ISN'T. I know exactly where I stood & exactly how it went down" Trying to deny that you experienced what you experienced is Gaslighting - the most serious and injurious form of abuse out (as is its conduit - known as Lying, and lying`'s cousins, Failing to Mention and Twisting The Facts To Suit). He does not have a Counsellor. Or if he does, he has told the story with your places reversed, whereby he's describing his abuse of you as if it had been you doing all of that to him. If the counsellor believes he's the victim rather than the per, then, to all intents - he does not have a counsellor (and he or she is going to feel really stupid once they finally cotton-on or find out). What they predict, however, is correct. The true narc - him - WILL soon lash out. " I recalled this story with clarity to my Partner last night." Why did you do that when I advised you not to tell him ANYTHING AT ALL? Right. Tell me what steps you've so far taken behind his back to counter his financial abuse measure and secure yourself a safe exit? Have you done any yet? Or are you still refusing to believe he's a madman and banging your head on a brick wall by trying to have rational conversations with him?

Thank You once again & sincerely for supporting me through this haze. I've made small moves but they are moves. I do not own a car so I walked to the bank. Once I found where he'd hid the cards. I took only 1. The one I knew I'd been contributing to the most. I figured I'd need about $5000 to get out & set myself up again. I'd like to say it was a refreshing walk in the sunshine but truth is I realised when I got there that I don't even remember walking over. I'm just that preoccupied. It wasn't easy being amongst shoppers (happy people). Found the tears starting to dribble within 2 mins of entering the shopping centre. It was an epic fail. He'd put a block that no more than $500 could be withdrawn in a day. The card is solely in his name. I could do nothing. I did take the $500. I then stood there & stared into the abyss. Until I realised people were looking at me like a crazy lady. My legs are leaden. I'm finding it hard to move off a spot. Anyway, I rang my Mother & Step Father. Not a very wise thing to do. I debated it for the 5 mins I stood stock still like a mannequin. Why? My Mum has always been a worry. She is a manic/depressive with bipolar. The step father is ever suffering but being with Mum for years has somewhat altered him. He hasn't any thought of his own, opinions. He's robotic. Sometimes nasty with his comments towards me. He takes money out of her purse (I've seen him & lies about it to her. stuff like that) Now Mum is 79 with on & off dementia (sometimes I think she fakes it like last Christmas Day when she was in a full on manic & threatened my dog). When Mommy Dearest is having a rare normal moment I get a glimpse of what a Mother could have been. Luckily for me yesterday she wasn't too bad intermittently as the moment I arrived she said "what's wrong? I can see it in your face. Is it him that has made you unhappy? you seem sad a lot". I nearly fell off the chair. This was more caring from her than I'd experienced in years. I considered it a rare gift from the Gods. I nodded. When to my shock the step father pipes up & says "if you think I haven't heard stuff, especially over the last few months when I've been outside your front door & chose not to knock but leave well I have. you are not being spoken to very nicely. I also heard him be nasty to you when we had coffee a number of weeks back. don't think either of you realised I heard it. when you went to the bathroom I said hey be nice to her." This was a revelation to me. While I was there my adult niece made an impromptu visit. I felt awkward as she entered right in the midst of my step fathers words. She said 'I don't talk to him sorry it is because well...he's different...always has been. let's not get into it. want to see my latest artwork I bought my folder over?'. So that was it. Nothing more was said. I stayed one hour & went home to the dog with my $500. He was out.

Puppy & I got about 1 hour to ourselves before I heard the dreaded key in the front door. Trepidation. In comes a happy person with shopping bags. Instantly puts them down on the floor, digs in & gives the dog a new toy. Telling the dog how much it is loved. Traitor dog enjoyed it. Then he pulls out a Grogu Yoda plushie. For you (he hands to me smiling widely because you always wanted one). I didn't react initially. I took it & said a flippant thanks. I got 'What is wrong with you? no excitement? you've always wanted one'. I put Grogu on the shelf behind me & said "why the fuck would I be happy? why the fuck would I be grateful for a toy after how you've treated me in the last 24-48 hours? Do you really think a stuffed toy will make up for the emotional abuse of the last 10 days? the name calling. the yelling & treatment. thank you for the toy I'm glad you're happy but it doesn't change a thing". I got eh...whatever narcissist. then he went about doing whatever he wanted to do. unperturbed. I went about doing chores. no further convo was entered into. after the housework was done & the dog fed I took myself to my room. dog followed. I came down about 8pm & just watched what he'd put on the tv. nothing much else to report. new day. i can't financially get myself out of here. I have begun packing up some stuff. he said 'what are you doing'. I said 'declutter for the op shop'. he continued to watch tv. end of story

PS forgot a detail. normally i do everything for him. washing, folding, cleaning, dog care the works. Our usual routine goes something like this...'are the towels done?', 'did you clean that shirt I need for tomorrow?', 'where's my keys did you take them?' & 'what's for dinner as I'm getting hungry'. So last night I said i'm not hungry so if you find yourself hungry I suggest you find yourself some food. My parting words when i went to my room. Please be proud of my pathetic attempts to regain some self respect. Inside i'm mush. a mixture of fear, nausea & guilt (I now feel like i'm being mean & keeping it going because of the toy attempt to mend fences. i'm not stupid. i know it is a manipulation. hard. very hard. i've loved this person with my whole heart for a very long time. i'd take a bullet for him). Now I'm crying. self torture. bye.

PSS this one might give you a laugh. he'd been out with a mate. Won my toy out of a skill tester machine on the first try. Bought the dogs! Because you see (this is how he told it to me) I'm smart enough to know how to dupe the system & get them. It cost only $2 he states proudly. (my worth! Two dollar value) We had fun he states. Played a round of ten pin bowling. then adds 'Adrian was amazed and said he'd never thought anybody could get a toy out of those machines let alone on the first go'. All of this was during the tv watching. the only response he got was 'good for you'. so basically i'm shattered with insult ringing in my ears & he's having a day off from me & totally enjoying himself.

I'm thinking. I'm thinking too much. Nice break from feeling too much. Recalling words YELLED at me last week... I HATE YOU! YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT POSSIBLE BUT IT IS TRUE! Everything about you. Can't stand you. Wish you'd go out & get hit by a bus. You're lucky I stay here & tolerate you. You are awful. You are a horrible person. You only care about yourself. You don't care about me. Your lazy & do nothing. I can't stand your face. Your pathetic face. You look at me & I just hate you. I have friends & you don't. Why is that? Because you are a horrid bitch. More... I haven't loved you for years. why would I? You're unlovable. You're mental. You & your stupid beliefs. Where are your departed grandparents? (he gestures with arms to the ceiling) oh...out there...out there...you know it. can they hear me now lunatic? I stay because I feel sorry for you. Nobody likes you. Not your mum, your sister, your brother...NOBODY. But I'm loyal! That is the thing about me. You are lucky I believe in loyalty. when I take something on well I see it through. That is what you did with Lee stupid bitch. You were disloyal & now you're going to pay for it. You even stooped so low as to try and invent Liam point 2 now called Zaddy. Same character different name. You're pathetic. Your Game is over. End of an era. I know everything! You are so stupid. You know how I gave you my old laptop because yours was out dated...well I set it up for you didn't I. I track everything you do. Have for ages. You think your clever & kept things from me deceptive piece of shit but I know it all. so what do you have to say about that? Response: you're the deceptive shit. who even thinks to do that? you invaded my privacy. guess what? shock, horror, dismay...I don't care you did that. the sin is on your soul. You may think you can control me but you are wrong. My mind is my own & you can never change that nor do anything about it. i'll believe what I want to believe & I'll write what I want to write. you can't take that away from me EVER. I made Lee because I need love. to feel true love. not whatever this is. empty. nothingness. fake. My imagination is the only friend I've ever needed. It has saved me my whole life. go ahead think you're clever continue to spy. i'm not going to stop. not now. not ever. It will be my Best Seller. Peter is a conceited, controlling loser!

I'm not normal. I own it. I never have been. how could I be? you don't know it all. my childhood was bad. Mum & Dad attempting to murder each other physically daily & the verbal abuse. Dad tried to kill my sister & my brother. Luckily I escaped his hatred because I played up to him. I knew what would win him over from a very young age. love. pure & simple. I always saw him as the victim of mums rages, her name calling & she really pushes people past a point. He had a bad temper. black rages doctor put him on meds. put those two together & explosions were the only childhood I knew. Mum turned on me at 5 for defending daddy. Hiding in a cupboard or under a table while they took knifes & chased each other. Sometimes I'd go into the shower recess & close the curtain, twirl three times & arrive out in Cadbury Land. This was my method. My imagination has saved me. I can dream anything up to chase the nasty away. Lee fast became my escape. When I had to kill him to save me from being killed (as he got very up in my face that night) well I cried myself to sleep for days. I needed him. So i am a sicko. I am not normal. Adults don't invent a support person in their head & really need it. I haven't sought friends for decades. Because they only let you down. I don't want to love & lose anymore. I am not married to my partner. I married youngish 22 after knowing him for 5 years. He was ok. Disappointed me. He came in the room one night straight after coming in from work & holding an empty garbage bag in his hands said 'hey come sit on the end of the bed with me. i want to tell you something. 'sorry but I never really wanted to marry. i dont want responsibility. i want freedom like my friends. i want to travel. i'm leaving tonight'. He got up & proceeded to empty the clothes drawer into the bag. I just stood stock still on the spot & watched him pack. I didn't argue. Didn't fight him on it. I walked to the door & watched as my husband of 2 years walked out it. I shut the door behind him & went to the window. there i stood & watched him throw his bag in the back of our car & drove away from me. I walked around the empty house room to room & sang out loud for only myself to hear. Chose 'It Must Have Been Love' by Roxette. I believed he'd come back as we got along really well. He needed to get the rest of his things. He did not however like my family. When he came back for his things he said 'I love you but I'm not in love with you. i care. besides your family. i'm not ready to jump from that proverbial frypan back into the fire. You can however not fill my side of the wardrobe. Keep it empty with the hangers in place. I may be back. it isn't completely over'. I waited 15months for his return. I'd open that cupboard & look at the empty space. I didn't put anything in it. I am unlovable I guess. SOULMATE love your handle. I appreciated your copy of Torn. I discovered that song a long time back & instantly got the lyrics & typed them out. Know it by heart. Understood it from the moment I first heard it. Felt it! Deep down inside. I get it. YOU ARE A VERY INTELLIGENT, INTERESTING & DEEP HUMAN BEING! When you sent me Torn I thought you must be psychic. I think you are awesome! You've spent more time here listening to me with stuff I've not confided in anybody my whole life. I've just dealt. I should be doing the dishes. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY COLD, COLD HEART SOULMATE. I truly didn't think people like you existed anymore.

Heya! I've only read the first few paragraphs as I have to go to sleep in a tick. Feel sorry for yourself by all means, but don't blame things that aren't to blame for how you feel. I don't even care (- not literally) how you FEEL (like useless mush). Because it's not nearly as important as what your feet are doing! Jane Torville's got nothing on you! Okay, you're being stubborn by taking risks (against my advice, telling him exactly how you feel and why no enamourment with the fake, cheap and effort-free peace-offering (should have been a diamond bloody necklace!)), but - maybe you're not? Maybe, you being there and me not, you know he's in Love Re-Bombing mode for the next however many days or weeks, making you safe to say all of that and get away with it? Because, seemingly it's worked! Bravo at the card attempt! You now have date-stamped, court-worthy evidence of aforesaid covert financial abuse (to a well-practised level) now turned overt. Quickly try another and another? ********* Excuse-me a minute. Your monster's so toxic I need to puke it out for a second: "'What is wrong with you?" Oh eff-off, you nasty little gaslighter, you know darned well what's wrong with her. And she knows you know as well so - eff you! Oh, I LOVE you, doggie, I LOVE yooooou!, in front of her. Be obvious, why don't you. Thick tw*t. No wonder it didn't work. Only YOUR TYPE (person gone permanently rogue) can be made to feel jealous of a dog, ffs! What - you think everyone's as sick as you?! (He's projecting again, just, this time, behaviourally.) JUST HOW DEMENTED *ARE* YOU!? Still, THANKS for letting us know you're so incredibly in-love with the dog (aka your mere theatrical prop). Maybe TRANS can introduce a new character called Bella and make your character Pete love her so much YESH EE DUZ! that he happily takes up bestiality!...let's see how you'd like THEM apples! (Thanks, LOL) But now to you: If ever there's a next time - the VERY FIRST TIME you hear any of this caveman crap, feel free to borrow some of my trieds & testeds (such fun!) for nipping every bad behaviour in the bud WITH AN UNNOTICEABLY-O.T.T. REACTION....Block, block, BLOCK. But only to buy you time before you then (safely) pack his stuff and dump the dud at the very next opportunity: 'are the towels done?' Oh! - no, sorry, Sir, it's the housekeeper or chambermaid you need! I'm the hotel manager. Have a good day! :-) (as you stride off) 'did you clean that shirt I need for tomorrow?', EH! (pointing aggressively at his face)... YOU SHIRT NO LEADY YET! (slapping your hands together slightly too close to his face and getting screechier) - YOU SIT DOWN AN' WAI`!!!...UNRESS YOU ROOKING FOR TLOUBLE?! SHIRT-CREANING NO EASY! IT TAKE RONG TIME! COS ME DO PLOPERY - ME *RUB* RONG TIME!, etc., etc., really getting into it until you can no longer keep a straight face at your own pastiche and yet not letting even that stop you as you then twirl the teatowel before whipping it at his thighs so it stings JUST A LITTLE, but still laughing your face off all the while as you continue your non-stop Chinese Laundry skit. They don't have a script for this. Haven't a clue how to react. It wrong-foots them. Usually, after standing there gawking for a while, they'll play safe and start to laugh along, pretending they find it funny too (actually, no empathy equals no sense of humour). Their inner animal, however, will receive and understand JUST FINE: Ever try this nonsense on me again and you're dead meat. 'where's my keys did you take them?' Yes I did. And I ate them. They were delicious. & 'what's for dinner as I'm getting hungry'. Your other keys? ************ (Thanks again...needed that...) I'll have to finish up tomorrow as it's incredibly late now. Bear with...

Just quickly - And your attempts to pump yourself back up are NOT PATHETIC. (Oy, you, you're doing it again, LOL) They're you limbering-up before the big Throw-Out. They're perfectly clever. Night! :-)

Wait - one more (reading a bit more as I'm cleaning my teeth, LOL): " It will be my Best Seller." YOU GOT THAT DAMN RIGHT, MISSUS! "Peter is a conceited, controlling loser!" Ooh. I say! The Lioness suddenly ROARS! Oooh. Bet that felt good?

To continue... "So last night I said i'm not hungry so if you find yourself hungry I suggest you find yourself some food." (Standing Ovation from the crowd) "My parting words when i went to my room. Please be proud of my pathetic attempts to regain some self respect. Inside i'm mush. a mixture of fear, nausea & guilt (I now feel like i'm being mean & keeping it going because of the toy attempt to mend fences. i'm not stupid. i know it is a manipulation. hard. very hard. i've loved this person with my whole heart for a very long time. i'd take a bullet for him). Now I'm crying. self torture. bye." SAYING that run of self-respecting, clear-minded defiances, is pathetic. But those sharp, stinging slaps to both sides of his face WERE NOT. What you're doing is finding YOUR inner monster (warrior, actually, she who - and you have to believe me on this because it's true and has been from Day 1 - is FAR stronger and scarier than his) and finally letting her out, whereupon, every time he passes her, he gets a whack or kick...ones that on-paper SEEM tiny but because they're so well-placed - in all his softest spots - would come across VERY unexpected and intimidating. For this was the sensed, core part of you that this dweeb has been trying to get and keep drugged, either via Dopamine et al (love-bombing or being Mr Nice Guy) or exhaustion from...WELL, PRECISELY WHAT *YOU* (but justifiably*) HAVE JUST DESCRIBED YOU'VE TURNED ROUND AND STARTED DOING TO HIM. ****KEEP THIS "TINY, PETTY" SLAPPING CAMPAIGN GOING. HE'LL THEN HAVE TO STICK WITH THE MR NICE GUY SRIPT. Because duffing-you-up again now suddenly looks a L....ITTLE BIT TOOOO risky all of a sudden.***** So now, I'm not listening to your negative, OTT self-criticisms because it's all ollocks. Your coping mechanisms - the dolls, being able to switch universes (like any really talented novelist NOTE!)...they may not be universal but they're bloody clever. You might just be a genius. No wonder there are too few people in the world like you. It's bloody lonely at the top, isn't it. Well, it is while you're incarcerated in some dweeb's dungeon after having been drink-spiked and slung in there, anyway. So that's doubly isolating. Oh, aye, being a genius is nothing to cheer about when it comes to trying to find people that appeal to you AND who can match the standards of yours that you automatically extend to others. Short Changed Ville. The good news is, once you're out of the dungeon (having bombed it as you left, LOL), there ARE people like you but you have to be as SHINY-RED You as possible - which, among other things, means: (1) giving it the PROPER amount of time grieving and getting to like being single before you try making new, shinier friends - in order to let all the slime slide naturally off you - because it's this that can put your counterparts off (despite they might not be able to put their finger on why). (2) You have to NOT "come as a package" with a slimy bstd. Having genuine, both-ways, high standards and therefore not seeing why they should tolerate any level of needless discomfort, and (which will make matters worse) possibly NOT ever having been bullied by a narc and therefore finding the "smell of narc slime" too repulsive - I'm sure you can appreciate how your SLIME-FREE counterparts will avoid YOU if they see through him and can't stand being around him or anyone who's been influenced by him). (3) And, of course, you have to be either Mona Lisa zen and content or downright happy. This is why, to meet your type AND standard, it's best to be in the type of place you love the most and/or doing the thing(s) you love doing the most (which of course, takes not having loads of worries and fears). But you're crystal-clearly an artist so, what with the amount of art night-classes and outdoor landscape-painting clubs around, this should help enormously. You're not crazy, far from it. You're just quite unique, as in, for wants of a better label - Eccentric. "To excel in science or the arts, it seems a dash of Autism is ESSENTIAL" - Hans Asperger (I think that was verbatim?) A big bonus of being like you, however, is that if ever you DO find yourself in a extended period of friendlessness, you still have your favourite playmate to-hand. YOU. :-) It's true, isn't it? :-) *********** Anyhoo, I want to keep my posts a little more short and separate so I'll continue in the next post... (Oh, and while I think of it - do you think you could start using some Carriage Returns/Paragraph breaks for me? In one long bunch of text, it's harder for me to set visual markers for later referencing or re-reading. Cheers, modom.)

(Sorry, haven't finished, I'm just eating something (suddenly starving), won't be too long...)

"PSS this one might give you a laugh. he'd been out with a mate. Won my toy out of a skill tester machine on the first try. Bought the dogs! Because you see (this is how he told it to me) I'm smart enough to know how to dupe the system & get them. It cost only $2 he states proudly. (my worth! Two dollar value) We had fun he states. Played a round of ten pin bowling. then adds 'Adrian was amazed and said he'd never thought anybody could get a toy out of those machines let alone on the first go'. All of this was during the tv watching. the only response he got was 'good for you'. so basically i'm shattered with insult ringing in my ears & he's having a day off from me & totally enjoying himself." Let me ask you - do you truly, hand-on-heart believe that this (er) man is genuinely this incredibly crass and insensitive without realising it - OR, do you suppose he's just PLAYING dumb....all so that you'll conclude he doesn't MEAN to be mean and therefore feel he hasn't committed an act of sufficient criminality to warrant ending the relationship right there and then? Which? Hand-on-heart.

And who is this Adrian? Have you ever met him in the flesh, and do you know for a cast-iron fact that Adrian - or anyone, for that matter - was with him (and massaging his ego like that)?

That barrage he yelled and spat at you last week.... It is so over-the-top and so obviously him yelling out all the horrid or heated things his parents (and peers, etc...due to repeat-labelling becoming a self-fulfilling prophesy) ever yelled at him growing-up and beyond (and, as it worked on him, it'll work on you (he hopes)). So now he's trying to bite chunks out of you so that YOU will turn into a zombie! (ONE of his many agendas, anyway) But it so incredibly over-the-top that you (well, I can't) can't take it seriously. Plus, it bears no resemblance to you (I'm good at reading icebergs from their even tiniest tips). It goes beyond ludicrous. I think inane and phantasmical do the job better justice. No - wait - DOWNRIGHT MENTAL! There we go. :-) And btw, it would have been helpful if you'd TOLD me you'd run-over his gran-gran in your huge 4X4 last week, and then reversed over her ten times for good measure. I mean - you MUST have. Because only that would make sense of that demented barrage up there! (LOL, excuse my sarcasm...it's aimed at him, obvs).

I think, the fact you've been packing (as well as fast-thinking and clever enough to have said, de-cluttering), despite then telling me you've nowhere to go - is only because your mind's too busy to register what said packing says you've background calculated about your mum and step-father from that latest, surprising conversation. Very imperfect though they obviously are - if you asked to stay with them to get away from him, either for a few days (recommend if needed) or long-term (not recommended if you part-own the house or, if not, have made serious contributions to its upkeep thus value) - they'd say yes. From that dialogue (thank-you) it`s clear they've been investing surprisingly heavily in this situation (even if it had initially been, perhaps, for the mystery drama of it, including as a great conversational topic between them). You've gone somewhat onto Auto Pilot. But she and the warrior are the one and the same mental entity so - you're in superb hands!

PS: "And who is this Adrian? Have you ever met him in the flesh, and do you know for a cast-iron fact that Adrian - or anyone, for that matter - was with him (and massaging his ego like that)?" The reason I'm asking is because in his barrage he (or his past abuser) yelled (projected) that no-body liked you (him) and you (he) had no friends.

PS: A tip to stop a barrage: Pretend to agree with everything, but, really, merely acknowledging everything he says whilst slipping in the baseline obvious. E.g. Him: "..AND YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS!" You: "Including you". Him: "BECAUSE NO-ONE LIKES YOU" You: "Because of you - and including you - and because of 'including you'" (that little cause-and-effect truism will twist his tiny brain in knots alright) Him: "I hate you" You: "No shit, Sherlock" (A failsafe if ever you're stuck is just, "...Ok.") But although you're naming all the elephants, you DON'T go on to say you're end it or leaving or going to chuck him out. You leave him in the dark. HOPEFULLY, he'll opt to ditch this Cycle Of Abuse (google) come merry-go-round campaign altogether so that he KNOWS where he is (- control-freak), i.e. burn the canvas and begin again. Which means his not dropping, and instead upping, this latest attempt to re-curry favour. PS: Where did you leave the arcade toy he gave you?

Meant to ask, though: If he's blocked you off from all of the joint cards, then - who's doing and paying for all the food-shopping and pet-food, etc.?

Also meant to add, re above retorts: es mucho importante that you say them like Spock from Star Trek, but slowly and flatly like you're over-bored and -exasperated with it all ("dead inside"). So, again, either he'll extend his current pumping you up OR (which I forgot to mention) if convinced you're deflated for the long-term, will abandon ship to Linda's or "Adrian's" for however long (giving you time to think and plan), as they'll have more life in them (and he has none if the other person has none).

PS: You're definitely not unloveable. But you can't be loved and treated as if you are (fed back to) by human-beings whose wiring in the emotional domain is so fangled or fried that they can only hate people - all the time or half the time, or god forbid, two-thirds. And - think about it - once you're in a nasty creep's basement dungeon, but where you're beyond running-away so he lets you upstairs here and there - then it stands to reason that the only people you'd ever mix with would be people just like him. Plus you CAME from people like him. But you'll not be GOING to more people like him because - emotionally, already - you're out....preparing for your escape despite your mouth says you can't afford to. You've already recognised the fauxlation is dead. There's no going back from that. But the rate at which you've created distance between he and you EMOTIONALLY is impressive. So I have every indication to hope that you have the will and just need the (best) way. Have you ever thought about leaving him before? Furthermore, have you ever gone further and imagined leaving him before?

Also, don't buy his pretense at being fine and dandy and chirpy. It's an act. That is NOT to say he's hiding an Eyeore face (so no need to feel sorry for him or believe you're taking things too far - you're not). The face he`s hiding looks like Psycho Thunder.

He's definitely a Sociopath. They are not only the most narcissistic of the entire Cluster B group but are also the most shockingly spiteful (like that tirade). A Benign might have said ONE of those comments (nobody likes you anyway, mleugh-mleugh) and only every 2 months. A Malig, maybe half of it. Being at the extreme, the top of that tree, everything they say and do is that incredibly extreme, too. My theory is that Sociopaths are Narcissists who got CORE violated, i.e. raped, as a child, as included the worst betrayal possible because it was at the hands of a parent or caregiver or someone they trusted. Have a think....Has he ever said or done anything at all in the past, no matter how small, seemingly throw-away, or too outrageous to be taken seriously so he had to be joking, that hinted at it?

Well, I say definitely but I like to be SURE-sure-sure so - tell me: does he ever seem to have a different face or faces to the degree where he looks like his not-very-identical twin? And when he's pissed-off or having a rage, does he make his eyes "pop out" at you? (google Jimmy Saville, UK, to see what I mean). By the way - how many hours behind or ahead are you of me? I'm in Spain.

(Tsk! Fauxlationship) But also, can you reassure me that there's no way he can know you've been on this site (or that you're typing overnight when he's asleep then immediately deleting your History), nor had installed a keyboard tracker? If you say he's probably reading, then, although trickier (until I get into it), I can still work with that and achieve your ends (and means). But obviously that's not at all the ideal so - what have you done to ensure we have privacy?

Another tip: If you harness sarcasm as your stock style of reply, you won't have to waste any of your much-needed brainpower to think on your feet whatsoever. So it's: Him: What are you doing? You: Jet-hosing my Lambhourgini (albeit, you risk this only while his hands are tied by the abovementioned Re-Love-Bombing campaign) OR you can just say: Seriously? (as to say, you've got EYES, haven't you?) Or you just sigh and roll your eyes ("ain't got no energy - honest, guv!").

What I also want you to do is start to become really boring. During times when you DO have to talk to him, I mean. Example (trust me - conversations about yucky sentiments bore them rotten). To be droned: ...Yeah...decluttering for the charity shop.....Been seeing loads of footage of all these poor kids all over the globe right now,...starving to death or....can't even blink without it being agony......oh yeah.....and where (etc., etc., drone, drone, drone). He'll make some excuse to suddenly skidaddle, no worries. Not least because HE CAN'T EMPATHISE so what the heck would HE be able to think up to add to the conversation? ...Except, maybe, the superficial odd comment or noises (yeah....terrible, REALLY terrible....). No actual opinion of his own, though. Haha, it'd be like some bloke making you stare at the wall as he talks you through the whole, fascinating process of how paint dries and how differently different type of paint drieszzzzzz. (Shocking, isn't it.)

(...Although I'd best mention the fact that being raped as a kid, on its own isn't enough to guarantee a kid will turn Sociopathic. It's more a case of the perfect storm.)

"I truly didn't think people like you existed anymore" Yeah, you did. Doo-gooders are everywhere you look: doctors, nurses, paramedics, carers, firemen, policemen, soldiers, social-workers, couples that adopt, pet rescue services,.... RESCUERS, type vocational. As per my above analogy - you just knew they weren't the type that would ever want anything to do with a skank like your torturer, let ALONE enter his house and hang-out in the living-room where you might be! WE didn't disappear from view and then mind. YOU did. (Food for thought, huh?)

It's called Isolation. DO google. Because a lot of happens automatically as a byproduct of whatever he does (or is like) and in ways that you wouldn't be able to guess! As per what I said and have touched on already: "Because of you - And including you - and because of 'including you'".

I think I'm all caught up now? Except to say - here's the bottom-line GOOD news about all this: It taught you to disassociate in a very creative, imaginative and useful, way, whereby now you are a writer/screenplay writer and - going by that horrific summary up there regarding your so-called "Golden" Child (google) status with your dad - ABSOLUTELY have a best-seller in your grasp! Have you ever read Dave Peltzer's book, 'A Child Called "It"'? It's so helpful when you're going through the post-narc grieving process to have a fun project. Keeps the grieving under control. Well... you ('the shower scene') know that already, don't you.

Dear Soulmate, I do appreciate everything you've done for me! I'll be back. I'm really unhappy. For the first time in 5+ years my Sister & her latest boyfriend (whom I've never met before or even spoken to on the telephone) flew here & ambushed us. The timing is so bad for me. I'm feeling really sick in the stomach. Super stressed. Can't believe this shit. I'm going to get caught typing. Stole a moment. I'll return. If I don't jump LOL

Awwww. But, look, stop panicking and feeling defeated, it's totally unnecessary. You have a narc-slayer and intelligence operative on your team. In fact, her coming on the scene may feel like bad luck, but it's RIGHT HANDY! In terms of its specific timing. Put it this way - soon as I read that news, I air-punched with a loud, YES, THANK-YOU! Someone up there likes us. :-) I'll explain what I mean tomorrow, but for now, a question: when you were little, did you ever learn the waltz or whatever from standing on the feet of an adult? PS: By 'ambushed', take it you meant she'd descended on you all? Where or with whom is she staying?

Meanwhile, I want you to do commando breathing: INHALE: "one elephant, two elephant, three elephant, four elephant" (You can vary the animals if you like, or put his head on them, might make you giggle). HOLD: "one elephant" etc. to FOUR EXHALE: "one elephant" etc. to FOUR. Do it repeatedly and you´ll be surprised at how quickly effective it is (hence "Commando"). THAT'S YOUR GO-TO COPING MEASURE FROM NOW ON. And then do things that engage your logical hemisphere: listen to chat radio (no music - unless you're the one playing an instrument), read the newspaper or a factual, fascinating book, do a Still Life sketch, play Solitaire or a computer game, do maths puzzles, Sudoku or crosswords (straight or crytic), watch TV quiz gameshows - better yet, comedies that are good enough to have you laughing in spite of yourself and your mood. And IN ADDITION to any of those: very warm bubblebath with overhead light off and lots of candles (red votives if you have them) and with the radio talk show going quietly.

QUESTION: Do you think she's descended because she wants to show off the latest "love of her life"?

So many questions & so little time. I want to answer everything but I'm at serious risk of getting caught out. With visitors things are hectic. More have come to see them! Point 1 Money is an issue. Had a situation with Partner at the shops. Not happy. He walked away & wouldn't pay for anything (including his things he chose to put in the trolley). I'm a fool. We were saving to move to somewhere nicer & bigger also for a new car. So many weeks ago I started putting my whole pay into the large bank account pool to make it build faster (in his name only yep I'm a dumb arse!). Meanwhile we agreed to use his smaller pay for groceries. Having deposited more of his money also into the big pool. It is Partner who wants the move & the car. When we got home he went to TV & I did all the putting away. Dog care. Nothing knew really. Irrelevant. Self Pity. Back to point...Then again today he walked out the door with nothing in his arms. No wallet. I said 'you'll be needing money' & I got 'no I won't you're paying'. He knows I'm running out fast. I paid for all the food & extras. He obviously gets more than me. Point 2 In fairness to myself when you've been with somebody for over a decade you trust them. We use to split everything even but then I got sick & I'm on a small disability pension now. (I have all my limbs etc it is a rather serious women's issue). I can no longer work. Not possible. Need operations. Even that won't mend me. Just reduce damage. They keep cancelling due to covid-19 & our hospital clinic being over run. Bit of background knowledge. More reason to resent the heck out of me. Point 3 Sister has cheezed me off big time. Nothing new. Back at Xmas I gave her a call to say Mums dementia is worse & soon she won't make any sense at all so if you love her then you'll come to see her. Her response was "yep...no...that won't be happening...mum is old this happens...i've a new life here & Mum deserves what she gets". We had a big fb quarrel about her attitude. I said I'm so sick of my Bro & Sis not having seen her or done anything for her in YEARS. I have helped her at the shops, I cook for them on occasion & I go there as often as I can. I throw xmas, easter, b'days, mothers day etc. I take everything up there myself. EVERYTHING. Paper plates etc the food I've prepared & i repeat I don't own a car. Then during our argument back at xmas (sis & I) the will & money was mentioned. Hey presto it is April & she's surprise bombed us with a CARING ABOUT MUM VISIT. Nope new boyfriends daughter & 2 grandkids moved near here & they made a trip to see them as well as she thought it was time we meet her latest in a long string of Lovers. Pisses me off quite frankly. Point 4 Where is the arcade toy you asked. exactly on the table which I reached down & plonked it straight on. The exact spot where he handed it to me. Same spot. Haven't touched it. Won't. Point 5 Fine show being put on. Happy Partner. Full of socialising fun ideas 'hey lets dress up as priests & nuns to visit your Mother'. I ignored. When we are alone he is being mean. rude. snippy. at every given opportunity of aloneness. It hurts! It is un necessary. Needless. For the sake of being spiteful. I turn & walk away. Not entering into it. Today we ducked to a shop as tomorrow is a public hol. Needed fresh milk & bread. He raised his voice at me for nothing! I don't even know what it was for. I do know that he was shaking his head & calling me stupid. So I must not have caught something he said to me over the din. I did not acknowledge with words...I turned straight on my heel & walked swiftly away. Leaving him standing there on the spot shocked. To my surprise he caught up with me & said 'ok...sorry...i was rude...you clearly didn't hear my request...thought you ignored me on purpose alright?' I did not respond just kept walking to the exit. When we got home he said 'do you want help putting the groceries away?'. This showed me (I could see in his face the realisation reflected back at me) that I'm over him. I said 'no thanks. I'm happier on my own'. Point 6 We are 8 hours ahead of you here in Aussie Land. Example I'm sitting here on Sunday at 7.35pm & it says Madrid is 11.35am. I'm really sick of droning on about myself & my crap life. I'd love to know more about the person I'm talking to. Bet you are far more interesting. If you're willing...job, family or anything you care to share? How do you know so much about mean men? Are you a psychologist? Perhaps a keen google surfer interested in the way the mind works & peoples characters or Myer Briggs? How did you come to be a Moderator here? Anything...I'm bored with my life. Bored with my people. So HELLO, WHO ARE YOU? Your turn (well & truly!!!)

Trans, I'll let you finish catching-up to all the contents and questions in my last run before I read and respond to yours. *****But FYI, check out the other thread, "Am I Toxic" if you (and I've alerted its poster to this, too) want to see your (ugh) partner's "twin". (It's because the mindset is so extreme that the plot and script are so narrow that they all spout the exact same nonsense at you.)

Oh, wait, I've caught sight of your 'so little time' so I read the post. Okay, then: the important questions and advice are: 1. Are you part or equal owner of the house or have invested as if you were? Answer: YES. YOU NEED TO GET A SOLICITOR/LAWYER ON BOARD ASAP. Look on the web for independent reviews and recommendations, or ring your equivalent Law Society and ask them. Given your situation, they should give the initial, in-person consultation for-free. They can even hold-off billing their total fees until they get your money back. Ideally, you shouldn't "abandon" the house. But in your case, because you're being SEVERELY financially abused and now taunted, this changes everything and makes it a case of, him forcing you out of the shared home (like Constructive Dismissal at work). (Any solicitor of yours is going to make MINCE-MEAT of this scumbag!) (And it is definitely not irrelevant that (from what I've seen and what I already know is par-for-the-course - ) you do all the donkey-work around there while his self-made lordship surveys you as he takes his leisure.) Don't fear that by meeting a solicitor you'll be setting off some runaway train. You will not. You can pause them or opt-out altogether (or put on-ice) at any point along. This is European law, though, so best check-out your own rules, online or with said solicitor. 2. Find someone to stay with for a week. Leave him a note. No warning, no mentioning. Just the note saying you need to think and can't think with him x and y-ing so you're staying with a friend for a week. Take a phoneshot of your note. (He'll text-react to it anyway, and there's your proof, but, just in case.) Tell others it's just a week as well so you've witnesses. Unless your Shister's staying there - make it your mum and stepdad's. Tell your m&sD EVERYTHING. (Bullies RELY ON your silence.) But tell them to say and do nothing (especially shoveband or shister) unless the request has come directly from you. 3. Read this (MY CAPS IN BRACKETS): "Ending a relationship with a sociopath is not a normal break-up (by Sociopathy ex-victim, now lay-expert, Donna Andersen): Sociopaths (people who could be diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorders) (YOUR "CLUSTER B", I.E. OTHER-HARMFUL, PERSONALITY DISORDERS) do not pursue romantic relationships in search of mutual love and companionship (SOME DO BUT CAN'T SUCCEED AT IT). They are looking for someone to use in some way — such as for money, sex, or to siphon off your emotional energy. Therefore, when you end a relationship with a sociopath, you can’t get together, hug, cry and wish each other well, as you might with a normal person. When leaving a sociopath, you need to be strategic. Here are 10 mistakes to avoid: https://lovefraud.com/10-mistakes-to-avoid-when-leaving-a-sociopath/ ************NOTE THE TIP SHEET YOU CAN REQUEST, FOR LEAVING SAFELY. This is never more imperative to read than when your spath has already used physical aggression or violence on you (Tick) - just in case. 4. This is the cleverer way to leave a Spath. Make THEM want to leave! From: http://www.sociopathworld.com/2008/10/how-to-break-up-with-sociopath.html "With a sociopath, the best thing to do is to make the breakup seem like it was his or her choice. Like with ticks or other parasites, you want to poison the well so the sociopath willingly leaves. Become a helpless, emotionless, reactionless burden. Start being contrary, without being openly defiant. If the sociopath likes to go out, develop a preference for staying in. Stop bathing. Focus on work. Pretend you're tired, sick, depressed, say you forgot your keys, you forgot to feed the goldfish, be incompetent but make everything seem like an accident. If the sociopath gets mad, say sorry, but don't fight back. Say "I don't know what's come over me." Have long phone conversations with your mother or other people the sociopath hates. In general, let yourself go completely and be as intolerable to live with as possible without being confrontational. This may seem very passive-aggressive, but after about three months (give or take), the sociopath will be out of your life. You should be in the clear after your sociopath has been gone three to six months. By that time the sociopath will not need you to satisfy any of his basic needs, and will see you instead for what you really are--probably a weak-willed whining sissy. Think this is unnecessarily complicated and time-intensive? I suggest you watch Sleeping with the Enemy and let me know if you think there are better alternatives" 5. OR if your mum and stepdad (reckon he could handle him on his own!) are behind you: From PsychCentral: https://psychcentral.com/pro/exhausted-woman/2015/09/ten-tips-for-victims-of-sociopathic-behavior#2 (My spacing-it-out) "Have an exit plan. Sociopaths are very cunning and can smell fear. So the exit plan might have to be done in secret. This should not be a momentary decision, rather a well-thought out scheme to escape. Stash money, passport, clothes, keys, and any other important documents aside before departure. Carefully plan the time to leave and have a safe location to go to in advance. Tell a close friend or relative. Sociopaths isolate their prey from family and friends to create a dependency on them. It might take some effort to re-establish a safe relationship but it is essential for accountability and healing. Having a perspective outside of the relationship helps to see things more clearly. Move away if possible. Sometimes the best way to get a sociopath out of a victims life is to suggest they move away. Sociopaths tend to take the path of least resistance so the effort to follow a person and continue the abusive behavior requires too much work. In addition, the fresh start for the victim can be transforming as they have a chance to shed the trauma." (To be continued...)

PROCESSING: (This is my way of tidying the decks.) "So many weeks ago I started putting my whole pay into the large bank account pool to make it build faster (in his name only yep I'm a dumb arse!)" STOP insulting yourself! That's an order. There is NOTHING DUMB about behaving normally, including, believing you can trust your partner to NOT sh*t on normal, Couple behaviour, BECAUSE you trust him (because he did the legwork to ensure you did - to disarm you). There is EVERYTHING INTELLIGENT, HEALTHY, and FULLY-FUNCTIONAL about it. It's only proven to be a problem because YOU HAVE THE RIGHT QUALITIES BUT HE WAS THE OH-SO-WRONG RECIPIENT BUT HID IT AND PRETENDED TO BE YOUR EQUAL AND WORTHY SUITOR. Right Qualities (Mine), WRONG RECIPIENT ("its")

BACK TO STEPS AND MEASURES: Do you have your own laptop that you can "JUST POPPING TO THE SHOPS!" with?

PROCESSING PS: I know you went on to add - In fairness to me. But what you didn't do was BACKSPACE-DELETE... See the difference?

PROCESSING: "Nope new boyfriends daughter & 2 grandkids moved near here & they made a trip to see them as well as she thought it was time we meet her latest in a long string of Lovers. Pisses me off quite frankly." You'll see this on Lily's thread (recent post - Parents Split Up)...her boyfriend's (er) cold (covert narc) mother and her visits "to see him" (not). (Oh, it'll piss HER LATEST off, soon enough, don't you worry.)

PROCESSING: "Point 4 Where is the arcade toy you asked. exactly on the table which I reached down & plonked it straight on. The exact spot where he handed it to me. Same spot. Haven't touched it. Won't." :-) Your instincts.... Amazing... Ditto this next bit: "'hey lets dress up as priests & nuns to visit your Mother'. I ignored." (Wow, look how desperate and scraping the ideas barrel he is. Why the F would any sane adult feel any need to do that, or think it up in the first place, anyway? Yet MORE inappropriateness, look.)

PROCESSING: "It hurts!" It needn't. It isn't personal to you. Because you aren't personal to him. You're someone to rev-up into a state of wanting to give him money for a (possibly non-existent) project (house&car fund). If it IS fake, this is a combination of Financial Abuse (conning within a relationship) and what's called Future Faking (google). Believe you, me. You could be Angelina Jolie and it wouldn't help you any. He doesn't even like women. He doesn't like men, either. But particularly not "lesser beings who have it better and/or happier than him" (women).

PROCESSING: It's no more personal than if he had non-stop Gastroenteritis and couldn't stop himself spontaneously projectile-vomiting everywhere he went. He opens his mouth and it SOUNDS like words but actually it's yesterday's Alphabetti Spaghetti (LOL)...and not even in any order of sense. He's a mean, miserable person who became psychologically disturbed. Get out of the way of the puke and go to where you can't hear it. (While being boring....Grey Rock (google)).

" Leaving him standing there on the spot shocked. To my surprise he caught up with me & said 'ok...sorry...i was rude...you clearly didn't hear my request...thought you ignored me on purpose alright?' I did not respond just kept walking to the exit. When we got home he said 'do you want help putting the groceries away?'. This showed me (I could see in his face the realisation reflected back at me) that I'm over him. I said 'no thanks. I'm happier on my own'." Ooooooooooh, you really ARE like a champion figure-skater with this. You seem to hit that really fine, but still safe, line between provocation and needling (counter-needling actually), and leaving your real face-slaps as dual-interpretable (Plausible Deniability: BUT I JUST MEANT HAPPIER ON MY OWN AT THAT TIME!). You are incredibly socially-intelligent. Although I'll bet you didn't know because no-one ever thought to tell you. But you are. You wield your ice-skate like a surgeon his scalpel...Nths of Millimetres accurate! I'm smiling. And I'm really pleased you're NOT a narc (nothing like!) or some sector of society would be in big trouble! LOL (When you've left him, to give yourself a project/distraction, I'd love it if you finished cramming-up on the topic and coming back as an adviser on here. If you fancy it come the time.

OH, YOU'RE AN AUSSIE - G'DIY LAV! - NUFF SAID EXCEPT - I'M NOT WORTHYYYYYYYY! What a pleasure. No wonder you're so tough! Oh, well, THIS is gonna be fun, then!?

Regrettably, I can't tell you a thing about moi in terms of anything that can be used to identify me. It's because I'm wanted by M15, M16, CIA, CID.... lol. But, no, as a resident here, I have to guard my identity very closely. I.e. no-one here knows my gender (it's immaterial anyway - Fair Is Fair and no amount or type of danglies are going to change that, lol).

PROCESSING: "In fairness to myself when you've been with somebody for over a decade you trust them. We use to split everything even but then I got sick & I'm on a small disability pension now. (I have all my limbs etc it is a rather serious women's issue). I can no longer work. Not possible. Need operations. Even that won't mend me. Just reduce damage. They keep cancelling due to covid-19 & our hospital clinic being over run. Bit of background knowledge. More reason to resent the heck out of me." I'll bet it's an inflammatory, stress-induced condition or illness. If you DON'T develop SOMETHING in that range after living with a spath (with too many ailments in the run-up, including migraines, always with-cold, upset digestive system, thinning hair....), then you ain't been with a spath (or malignant narc). The good news is, it lessens increasingly after you cut them out of your life forever or even heals completely - even despite a consultant sees it as likely permanent. Stress from events and circumstances obviously isn't personal but even that will erode your health. Abuse IS personal (albeit, the fact they're abusive isn't down to you) so even more stressful. PS: your life isn't crap. The problem at this juncture is purely, your life has a (copious) crap in it. Good as it normally would be - NOTHING looks good surrounded by crap. As I say, please stop doing his talking (abusing) for him (and all kind before him), I'm not interested in his fakery, I've heard it all before. YOU'RE A STALLION AND THAT - THAT! - IS WHY - NO OTHER REASON - JUST THAT! - you got picked-on by a predator-parasite-vampire-zombie. As I say to everyone in your position: Your problem is not nor ever was that you're not enough or not gorgeous enough. Your problem (with upside-down-back-to-front people from La-La Land) is that you so bloody ARE. They're pathologically jealous and seething at you (a mere woman with the confidence and independent-thinking of a man, how very DARE you!) while at the same time drooling over you and wanting to possess you (and empty all your pockets).

Steps & Measures: If Shister IS staying at your folks, we'll wait and implement plan Narc Puppeteering. Albeit it depends on your answer to this important question: Would I be right in presuming Shister and Shoveband have never been one another's greatest fan? Whether subtly-cooly or coldly or heatedly?

Here you go - play this. I chose this chap for the Plausible Deniability in the title (as well as how the content is presented): If he catches you watching it, you can simply claim (and say this verbatim) you're 'investigating Narcissism in order to gauge whether his accusation that YOU'RE the narcissist is correct.' And then you polish your halo. (Stick THAT in yer pipe and smoke it, bstd!)

"When They Know You Know": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-__O5BMCe0o And this one to hear all the stock NPD phrases he's spouted at you (albeit the first few I haven't been privy to as they occur during Honeymoon-bombing stage). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsAWAyln4Cw

Hi Soulmate, Thanks Lovely for all your advice. It has been awesome & very helpful. I've just found out that sister & co's daughter has tested positive to the dreaded Vid. Exposed all. Mum is nearly 80 so this will be interesting. I'm going to go off the air for awhile as I'm stressed beyond & just need to sleep. I'm losing the plot. Dyed my hair 'Cotton Candy' Pink. I'll return. Live your best life in the meantime. HUGS

I'm glad you feel ready to sleep a lot. *Good sign. Means you've relaxed aenough to butt-out (zzz) and give your backroom gals all the time and quiet they need to pick all those scrawled notes and info sheets off the floor of your Filing Room and file (and cross-file) them in the right places. Each time you wake up, you'll understand and recall that bit more easily. *Not so sure about the shocking pink hair, though, LOL! Although, if you dye it again in Black it'll end up a cool (warm, actually), rock-chick shade of Blackberry, if that's any good to you? Unless you like it, of course? All power to ya if you do! Anyway, speak soon, I'm sure. :-) (Never mind hugs - just send me a Kangaroo, LOL. I'll train him up to fight and chase-off narcs (no LOL)).

Trans, let's not let your anger and resolve go cold in the meantime. Check out this really great, straight-talking article by Suzanna Quintana (author & lifecoach specialising in Narcissistic Abuse), which is 'too cool for school!' - and hear your ex2b 'talking' in places. ( https://medium.com/the-virago/7-lies-a-narcissist-wants-you-to-believe-9b9da94d7659) **************** 7 Lies a Narcissist Wants You to Believe are True So they can better control you Cognitive dissonance: psychological conflict resulting from incongruous beliefs and attitudes held simultaneously. Or as I describe it: Confused as fuck. Or: Daily life with a narcissist. It’s that feeling of complete befuddlement. Of feeling left behind, unable to catch up, crippled by self-doubt and paranoia. I must be going crazy takes up center space in your head. Narcissists create a world where two plus two equals four only some of the time. Then they try and convince you it’s actually five and repeat the lie so often you start to believe it until they switch their answer and go back to four, denying they ever said differently. Why do narcissists do this? Because they have an endgame, which is to keep you under control so you will continue to take their abuse. To do this, they keep you in a state of uncertainty and use confusion as a weapon against you. Cognitive dissonance is the gun. Lies are the bullets loaded in it. Lie #1 Nobody else will want you If I had a dollar for every time my ex told me how no other man would put up with me, I’d still be writing this article but from my villa in the south of France instead. A narcissist will have you believe all of your good qualities have been lost. According to them, your looks have faded, your personality and desirability are nowhere to be found, you’re too much trouble and too sensitive and thin-skinned and can’t take a joke and No one else will ever want you so consider yourself lucky to have anyone at all. The truth is, they know exactly how amazing you are. This is why they targeted you in the first place and why they go to so much effort to try and convince you otherwise. Lie #2 You won’t survive without them My ex and I built our businesses from the ground up, our success dependent on our team effort. Yet he often would share his worst-case scenario and ask, What would you do if something happened to me? How will you survive? as if him dying would suddenly render me incompetent and incapable to continue what I’d already been doing for years. When my response of “I’ll be fine, honey, don’t you worry” wasn’t sufficient (and the small smile on my lips didn’t help), I feigned horror and nodded my head in agreement. Oh, I don’t know how I’ll ever survive without you! I’d say a million times over. Again, if I had a dollar…(I can almost smell the grapes from my French vineyard) The truth is, a narcissist knows that not only will you survive without them, but you’ll probably thrive without their abuse in your life anymore. Lie #3 Everybody loves them That’s why people gravitate toward me, Suzanna. I’m fun to be around, I know how to have a good time. I can’t help it. People just like me. I never heard from other people as to whether this was true, yet I believed him because of how many times he said it. And because I knew how charming he could be, especially with women. How alluring. How slick. The truth is, narcissists have to tell you how great they are because they are superficial soul-sucking chasms of emptiness (too nice?) who believe everyone they meet adores them, even when the opposite is often true. A narcissist will crown themselves and pretend they earned the title when in fact hardly anyone voted. Lie #4 You’re emotionally and mentally unstable Narcissists use gaslighting to separate you from your intuition and make you doubt who you are so that you’ll be more likely to become dependent on them to tell you. Then they push and push and push — like a finger poking you in the chest — until you react so they can stand back and say, See, just as I said, you’re crazy. The truth is, your reactions to a narcissist’s abuse are totally normal and to be expected. The only emotionally and mentally unstable one is the narcissist who finds joy in pushing other people’s pain points. Lie #5 People are talking about you Narcissists love a good triangulation. In order to make you jealous or insecure, they’ll pretend to be “just the messenger” and relate what others are saying about you. They’ll make you doubt every relationship you have, even with friends and family, with the goal of distancing you from those you are closest to the point where you stop talking to anyone about anything. The truth is, narcissists are back-stabbing, double-dealing, two-faced con artists (still too nice?) who get their kicks from lighting people’s fuses then standing back and watching the explosion. Lie #6 You’re a terrible parent It’s been nine years since I left my abusive marriage to a clinically diagnosed narcissist. Nine years of being a single parent and raising my kids without any emotional or physical help from their father. In that nine years, I have never received a compliment, support, or an ounce of gratitude. Instead, I have hundreds of emails telling me what a terrible mother I am. It’s called projection and it’s what narcissists do best. The truth is, my ex knows what a good mother I am. Narcissists are the ones who make terrible parents because of their inability to care about anyone — even their own children — more than themselves. But they make great armchair parents, sitting on their ass and criticizing you who is doing all the work to raise your kids. Lie #7 They’ve changed Narcissists love to flaunt their new supply and try to hurt you by insinuating that they’ve changed. Or during the hoovering process (when they try with the might of a Hoover vacuum to suck you back in) they’ll loudly proclaim: You’ll see, I’ve changed! The truth is, a narcissist doesn’t change for anyone new, they just make better sheep’s clothing to hide the wolf within. That’s not to say a narcissist can’t change. But when they do, that change is for the worse. Lies are the best tools a narcissist has to keep someone who loves them under control. Lies keep you in a perpetual state of confusion and self-doubt because when you hear the same ones over and over again, you can’t help but start to believe them. Lies also enable the narcissist to keep being exactly as they are: empathy-void, cold-hearted, ruthless, snake-in-the-grass emotional vampires who are incapable of telling the truth. And I’m still being nice."

I'm so low I can't function let alone type. Honestly, I'm just bereft.

My Sister has just agreed 100% with my Partner. I'm the Narcissist. I have several personality disorders. He is the victim of me. His outbursts are just in response to my evil behaviour. He's the victim here. End Game.

Sister just said 'you play the victim' amongst lots of other personality insults. Partner was super loving towards me for 1 hour yesterday & I did dare to think he felt guilty and may still care. Said 'I love you'. NOPE! I am I admit a desperate loser & that is me just crying for attention & playing the victim. Tonight, I asked Partner to talk over our living arrangements. I talked in a monotone he said that was my manipulative game. I'd been setting up a collector doll diorama (competition entry) for several days. Completed back drop, dining table setting & whole scene. Lots of work. Everything by way of props was too match. Finally I was up to the dressing of the dolls & was going to do it later this evening. I'd chosen a dress for the doll he'd bought 4+ years ago. It had been laying out in wait to be used for 3 days. He walked over, picked it up & as he walked away said 'I bought this therefore it is mine & you don't get to use it'. Took the dress which I'd chosen and went upstairs to his room. I said nothing. Just shook my head in disbelief. Found another dress out of my stash & completed the diorama.

Self Pity Time! I DON'T WANT THIS LIFE ANYMORE! I am sick of everybody telling me what is wrong with me. My personality sucks. I'm evil. Blah...blah...like they are f__cking perfect & I'm such a disgrace. Where do people get off?

OK Clearly I've done something wrong or offended here. Nobody will talk to me. Sorry all.

Hi Transmutation, I have been reading your post, just wanted to let you know haven’t done anything wrong. Soulmate will be with you, have you seen how long my post is? Sometimes just takes a few days. Happy to keep you company if you want :-)

You little beauty, Lils! Thank-you. In fact, I'd love it if you could be Trans' "Scopes"?...assuming it'd be ok with you, Trans? Lily's right - these days I can be quite sporadic, but because these sudden surges of busyness are completely out of my control. But it's only ever a case of When, not If, no worries. Let me catch up, then...

"OK Clearly I've done something wrong or offended here. Nobody will talk to me. Sorry all." Aww, bless. Oh..Sorry. I literally didn't even have time to come on and warn you I'd been delayed.

"My Sister has just agreed 100% with my Partner." Gosh, what a surprise. Not. Are YOU surprised? "...I'm the Narcissist." Yeah-yeah. "I have several personality disorders." Sure-Sure. "He is the victim of me." Heard it all before. "His outbursts are just in response to my evil behaviour. He's the victim here. End Game." YAAAAAAWN. As her where she studied and where she practised. That'll shut her up. (Probably not.) IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE. I did warn you they project and counter-accuse the victim of being the problematic element, remember? It's in her INTERESTS that you believe you're in the wrong so that the same applies with her, meaning, she can just walk ALL OVER YOU and this time it definitely is your fault, blah, blah, blah, blah. BLAH. Be hurt that you don't have a sister, sure. But DO NOT believe a word either of them say. Because NOTHING these two people, who have already proven beyond a shadow of a doubt to be your MONSTERS, say, will EVER be in your interests, just THEIRS. The accusation is ridiculous.

Let me show you just some of how it works: NO healthy sister would be so damned hurtful and unsupported like that. NO healthy sister would be so arrogant as to act as if she's spent a whole year watching and eavesdropping from under your marital bed - because she CERTAINLY isn't a psychiatrist nor psychotherapist (and they don't inform clients or patients in such a crass way!). She knows NOTHING except for what it serves HER to say. So... The FACT SHE'S EVEN DONE THAT IS ITSELF WHAT PROVES BEYOND ANY SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT SHE AND ONLY SHE (AND HE AND ONLY HE) IS THE PROBLEMATIC ELEMENT, SPECIFICALLY, A NARCISSIST.........I THANK HYO! Alright? Better? No more listening to, i.e. taking in, mental toxins. Chant in your head, I do not take information or advice from loony tunes.

"Sister just said 'you play the victim' amongst lots of other personality insults. Partner was super loving towards me for 1 hour yesterday & I did dare to think he felt guilty and may still care. Said 'I love you'. NOPE! I am I admit a desperate loser & that is me just crying for attention & playing the victim. " She sounds like the NASTIEST person out, by the way. You have my fullest, most heartfelt condolences, you poor woman. But WELL DONE for that "NOPE!". You ARE the victim. But not for long. And only your lovely empaths get targetted and kept incarcerated for long enough by these disgustingly broken machines-on-legs. So it's the OPPOSITE of something to be ashamed of. I mean, GOD, if I hadn't been targetted on and off and bloody on, my entire beeping life then, KNOWING this perverse fact, I'd feel RIGHT hard-done-by! LOL BUT TRUE. And you DESERVE attention and your victim status. But do go google, Why the narcissist steals your victim cloak. You need - that's NEED to re-read my posts AND read up on the internet. And then you'll know, too. That it most definitely is them. Believe me, I know them. Inside and out. I know them better than they know themselves. And I know how to outfox them. Not ONE, not even your psychopaths, have ever managed to get the better of me. And they are the ones that come off badly. Because I'm not ashamed of my own inner warrior/animal/policeman, s/he and I are great friends and we cooperate beautifully. You need to bring yours out again....get angry again. But I need your cooperation so you're going to have to answer me when I ask you questions, because they are important. Ok? So please can you do that after I'm finished - go re-read and answer these unaddressed questions?

YOU are not a Narcissist You ARE NOT a Narcissist You are not a NARCISSIST. You've been proving it all the way, and in ways you could not have known and thereby fabricated.

"Tonight, I asked Partner to talk over our living arrangements. I talked in a monotone he said that was my manipulative game. I'd been setting up a collector doll diorama (competition entry) for several days. Completed back drop, dining table setting & whole scene. Lots of work. Everything by way of props was too match. Finally I was up to the dressing of the dolls & was going to do it later this evening. I'd chosen a dress for the doll he'd bought 4+ years ago. It had been laying out in wait to be used for 3 days. He walked over, picked it up & as he walked away said 'I bought this therefore it is mine & you don't get to use it'. Took the dress which I'd chosen and went upstairs to his room. I said nothing. Just shook my head in disbelief. Found another dress out of my stash & completed the diorama." Oh, he is foul, Trans. Just foul. What are you supposed to be manipulating him towards? Talking over living arrangements? (pmsl) I had that. Many a time. The retort is: I'm not trying to manipulate a thing. I had no idea I HAD TO! Hence I have JUST ASKED. What's really going on, though, is this. He could see what was coming, took evasive action (with a nonsense accusation) then got his revenge (punched you in the stomach). And the revenge is to KNOCK that confidence behind your request, OUT OF YOU. God bless your stash, LOL.

I also know you're going to be absolutely fine, regardless that your emotions feel so powerful. 1. You don't mind being super-vulnerable (whereas Narcs can't). That sentiment up there, of basically, 'I've obviously pissed you all off, I'm sorry', is a prime example, in fact, an EXEMPLAR. You're the target/victim ONLY because you've been blindfolded. He is clearly no match for you, Trans. 2. All of your interactions, basically go like this: and he then did or said this nasty thing BUT I STILL ENDED UP ON TOP. (Your brilliant stash but for one example...lol) He is clearly no match for you, Trans. You're going to be fine. It'll just be noisy as you vent as you go. But that's what this place is for. So - GOOD! :-)

"Self Pity Time! I DON'T WANT THIS LIFE ANYMORE! I am sick of everybody telling me what is wrong with me. My personality sucks. I'm evil. Blah...blah...like they are f__cking perfect & I'm such a disgrace. Where do people get off?" That's not self-pity. That's anger. Ist gut. :-) And - we're going to END this life. It's called (carefully) ending a relationship with a nasty little animal that has you hating your life. WITH HIM. We remove him and you won't need to say that any more. And - it's NOT People. Don't say that. Because it is NOT People. It's Cluster B Narcissists. So - EDIT: Where do Narcs get off? (This may strike as pedantic but it is in fact mucho importante.)

When do you submit your dioarama, by the way? PS: Is there anything you bought HIM you'd like back (quietly, silently)? Maybe we could turn these new and randomly-struck rules to our distinct advantage - what do you think? LOL

(I'm still giggling away at your having had a stash at the ready. Love it! "Curses - foiled!" or what.)

Word of warning, however: He MIGHT decide that he didn't knock enough confidence out with the last bashing and start it up again. I want you to pack an emergency bag...all your most important documents, etc., and enough clothes for 2 or 3 days. Not because I think you're in physical danger. But you would be, emotional danger. And the body and brain do not know the difference. They affect the same. So you need to be able to say, Sod THIS for a game of soldiers, I'm off to my mum and dad's, possibly with very little notice. AND GO. Once you're THERE, you can text him that you'll return only once he is prepared to behave like a decent, kind, loving, boyfriend again. DRAW YOUR BOUNDARY IN 10FT NEON. He WILL want you back. Because their egos cannot tolerate their being the ones rejected or walked-away-from, even for a short while. In their warped minds, only THEY get to make and effect those decisions, not you (you're the slave). It sends them doolally so they HAVE to reverse it. You let him - AFTER he's had to sweat for a bit. And then you go back. So he thinks. He doesn't need to know that you're just biding your time and planning your - or his - exit.

PS: regarding what you typed over on Louise Anne's thread: " I don't have any advice as I can't handle my own life situations " I disagree. I repeat, though you may be taking your time (nothing wrong with that, shows intelligence) to 'gather your loins' (haha - I typed lions!...they'd do if you've got any?) mentally and practically - EMOTIONALLY you've been doing all the right things, just your own, special cocktail. Your instincts are fine, they'll see you through. But it's hard for you to see your own woods for the trees, so you can't appreciate this (yet). No more putting yourself down. Again, you're just unwittingly doing his (and her) belittling of you FOR them, during their absences, when you should instead be benefiting from time that's FREE of their toxic messages and allowing your ego and self-esteem to recover. If you're finding it hard, at least make a concerted effort prefix with "I FEEL as if I am x/y/z". Because that's true - none of these self put-downs are a fact. PPS: I wish you could see how funny that tale about just whipping another dress out of your cache is! I am STILL giggling and punching the air about it! And, to me, it just epitomises WHY that creep has had to pull the entire mask off in one swoop like that, after such a long time. Because his subtle, covert extertions over the years JUST WEREN'T WORKING (or weren't taking)! YOU ARE VERY BAD SLAVE, lol, lol. WAY too hard to get one over on. A veritable Narc's Nightmare. :-D And THAT is the one and only "put-down" that applies to you. Okay?

I really need, before anything else, you to answer my question about whether Shister and Shoveband get on (geniunely, I mean)? I would imagine not... they're one another's competition, aren't they.... at the very least (but most importantly for them) in terms of whose human toilet you are thus who takes priority over puking their toxicity into you ahead of the other. If they so much as tend to eye each other suspiciously or strangely seem not to interact that much - we could use that.

SOULMATE...I LOVE YOU! Is that weird to say? A little yep. Right now it is how I honestly feel. I have been struggling with my own mind. You make it all make sense. How you became this amazing force to be reckoned with (I begin to imagine) but such power often comes out of great hurt so I am proud to know YOU!

Lily31 THANK YOU! I did not mean to over look nor neglect your kindness. I simply hadn't been on to see it. In answer to Soulmate's request for info regarding my Sister & Partners relationship well I find that one hard to describe as it is neither here nor there. Over the years there have been sporadic episodes of friendly banter, a few text exchanges over fav Netflix shows but nothing which depicts a strong bond (that I know of). There had been one time when Sis called Partner a 'Monster'. Why? For saying he wished I'd walk outside & get hit by a bus. There have been times when Partner has reported to me his opinion that Sis is 'out of her tree' and 'full of herself'. Sis says I never let them get close. Partner says you can't get close to Sis because she loves herself too much & he doesn't like how she is man crazy. Sis is unfulfilled if she doesn't have a man. It has been a pattern. A steady stream of numerous failed relationships. So many coming & goings over the years that I (myself) have struggled to keep up & called one guy by another's name LOL Partner does not respect desperate nor needy women.

LOL, well - I'll book the vicar, shall I? (Only joshing. I know how it feels to feel grateful for a lifeline.) But I'm proud to know you too. You're one tough Ausie birdie, you iz. YOU wouldn't know that - because it's your normal/neutral. But it shines out to us, that's for sure. You're reactions are all surface. He has NOT managed to get ANYWHERE NEAR your core, which is astounding after so much time. You're not brainwashed - bar the beating yourself up bit. Anyhoo, back to biz: "Info regarding my Sister & Partners relationship well I find that one hard to describe as it is neither here nor there. Over the years there have been sporadic episodes of friendly banter, a few text exchanges over fav Netflix shows but nothing which depicts a strong bond (that I know of). There had been one time when Sis called Partner a 'Monster'. Why? For saying he wished I'd walk outside & get hit by a bus." Excellent data, thank-you! So from this I can tell that she is your typical, Narc, bullying sibling: You are HER possession. No-one BUT HER gets to duff you up! (So sick, isn't it?) Same for a whole family or Narcs, who are quite free with the mistreatment of the truth-seeing child - who gets made the scapegoat (go google) in response to her/his insistence on pointing out all the dysfunctions and toxicity of interactions as they occur..."The Emperor is NOT wearing any clothes!"...."I want to discuss the elephant in the room"...etc. - but the minute anyone ELSE tries to bully the scapegoat, the whole family joins ranks to come down heavy on them. OUR slave - not yours! How DARE you diss The Family dog! (Think Mafia.) That's you, isn't it? The Scapegoated Truth Seer & Teller? (By the way - are you supposed to get run over by the bus before you drink the bleach or the other way around? PMSL....SIR, IF I WERE YOUR WIFE, I'D POSITIVELY DIVE UNDER IT!) "here have been times when Partner has reported to me his opinion that Sis is 'out of her tree' and 'full of herself'. " There it is! Houston, we have the perfect storm. Pathological Possessiveness & Jealousy versus Pathological Possessiveness & Jealousy. Not QUITE a fair fight - happily - because, technically (only on paper), your sister has known you (owned you) far longer, meaning, as she sees it she outranks him, he is the usurper and so she's got a banked-up axe to grind. SU-PEEERB-O! So we plant a subtle little seed to Shister and get HER to rear up at him, beat him up and see him off for you. :-) And the best part is - ref the above - the seed is REAL because it's TRUE that he says insulting things about her already! First a vital question...got to do all the safety checks: Do they still have one another's number or was that in the past during the early days?

PS: " So many coming & goings over the years that I (myself) have struggled to keep up & called one guy by another's name LOL " LOL, try Thing 1, Thing 2, and so on. "Partner does not respect desperate nor needy women." Listen - geddit right: 1. It's Shoveband - or we can change it to Fartner if you prefer? LOL 2. Lord Shoveband Fartner does not respect ANY type of woman! He (along with the rest of his type) uses the insults 'desperate' and 'needy' as threats - as in 'Do it / Don't do it - or the puppy (your reputation and respectability) gets it! Goddit? Good. :-)

(PS: I didn't become it, though - I was born like it.)

Hi Trans, What are your thoughts - and what's happening lately anyway? Also, what are your intentions? Do you WANT to end this horrid union?

I don't know how to answer Soulmate. I haven't slept. Not properly for many nights. I can't. My heart is broken. I feel like I'm living with a stranger. Sometimes I see a glimpse of the old person I was once so close with & loved dearly. It is so fleeting. Partner will look up & see me looking at him & then the bubble bursts with a harsh comment like 'what's your problem, what, what?' then 'Why are you staring at me?'. I can't laugh anymore. I use to really value my sense of humour. It is gone. I'm flat. I haven't access to any funds so I can't move or leave. I have less than $200AUD. That is it. There is just zero respect for me. Not even civil. Occasionally something reasonably polite & not snappish will come out of the mouth of my beloved but rest assured my response will not please & then I'm quickly sent back into the dog house again. Like this morning. I was actually happy. Enjoying my alone time sorting through some photos. Partner sleeping in late & I felt sort of free. With the creak of the bed through the ceiling above me I knew that was about to change. I literally get filled with dread. It was good for about 5mins. I gave Partner a coffee I made for him. I didn't get thanked. Just told leave it there where he pointed. Then I was asked any news? I said 'a little but I don't think you'd really be interested in it'. "What. What is it? Go on tell me. I can give you a few minutes before I talk to my friend online & do some stuff I want to do". "No...not important" I say. Then "You do your stuff don't let me keep you from it". He responds "Will you just hurry up & tell me any family news & stop your crap". So I quickly say how shocked I was that my Sister opened the surprise 21st gift I sent her son even though it was addressed to him & says she'll give it to him on the day. I said how I thought that was odd & why did she feel the need to undo it. Spoiled my surprise which was meant for my nephew. I wasn't ready for the response I got from him. It was like a slap in the face. His tone & manner stiffened & he said in a louder than usual voice "Well at least she isn't a Controlling Bitch like you!". I just walked away & left the room. But I'm hurt. I feel like I'm being punished for a crime I haven't committed. I don't deserve this. Pretty sure I'm not as bad as he is making out. I admit to self pity & holding back tears in the other room. Not a great start to the day. Didn't speak again for many hours (nearly the whole day). Left him to his own devices whilst I did all the work/chores. That has been the way for a very long time. Unpaid slave. The first words I heard came about 4 hours later with a "hey look at this meme it is hilarious". I looked up from the floor where the dog had just peed & I was cleaning it up & said 'yep. very funny'. I got in response 'you use to have a sense of humour' & he walked off. So I'm his cleaning lady & his verbal punching bag. I'm the reason why his life sucks. Yet he is still here? He doesn't seem to have any intention of leaving & why would he? I do everything adult & his life is play on his devices. I'm just so over him. His silly banter bores me senseless. It is repetitious & I've run out of responses, interest or caring. I'm running on auto pilot. This is my life. I chose it. I'm stuck now. I haven't been any kind of Angel over the years so I suppose I deserve at least some back lash. He really just could not get past my character change up. I know it is still eating him up inside because when I was writing I said would you please hand me that bunch of papers from there (pointing) my legs are tired. He got up, looked at the top page saw the word 'Lee' & put them back down, turning to take his seat & said "nup...get it yourself...not touching anything related to that. You just don't get it do you? I'll NEVER forgive you. Can't believe your still writing the character. You are an uncaring, unfeeling, selfish Bitch". I said "I won't give it up. Not now & not ever. Not for you & not for anybody else either. It matters to me. It is a part of me. I need it. I want real love & this is the closest I'm ever going to get to it. You may have stolen my life & my happiness but you can't EVER steal my imagination no matter how hard you try!". I was shaking but I turned on my heel with my paper stack held tightly to my chest & I went to my room. I was muttering so 'f_ _ k You!' under my breath.

"I don't know how to answer Soulmate. I haven't slept. Not properly for many nights. I can't. My heart is broken. I feel like I'm living with a stranger. Sometimes I see a glimpse of the old person I was once so close with & loved dearly. It is so fleeting. Partner will look up & see me looking at him & then the bubble bursts with a harsh comment like 'what's your problem, what, what?' then 'Why are you staring at me?'." Yup. Been there, done that,...worn the T-shirt...sobbed into the T-shirt...ripped the T-shirt to shreds...and then set fire to it. It's a headf**k. A total headf**k. No other expression does it justice. However, it sounds as if Shoveband is actually helping with your grieving rate. If you liken it to Oxytocin to induce labour - your contractions are being condensed and maintained at that rate, with every unempathetic move and sound he makes. Trust me - short and sharp, getting it over and done with in record time, is far better than long and drawn-out. Just doesn't feel like it. Those feelings can't and won't last, though. There comes a point where you literally wake up to find he's kicked every little last bit of love out of you. I can hear it happening in you right now. This is Cognitive Dissonance - worst feeling in the world. Your mind is still in habit of thinking of him as Dream Guy, even though you can now tell that it was largely an act, an effort sustained whilst deceiving to please you was in his interests. It's literally like meeting an actor playing a character - but no-one ever told you. So you literally fell in-love with a soap-opera character, who acted 24-7 like a healthy man, and one in-love (because their survival and reputation (same thing for them) depends on it/you). And now he's dropped the act. BAM! Which one is real? Your thinking brain may know. But emotional hemispheres are frustratingly veeeeeery sloooooooow to catch up to reality. If only there were an Off Button or pill we could take... inventer of that would make a fortune. The pain, however, is necessary. It's to make you FAR more careful, observant and generallly more in control (secretly - by how you behave), next time you meet some stranger you fancy. And to make you feel, through the sense of vulnerability that comes with that pain, sorry for yourself, sorry TO yourself, and care for and about yourself more. The pain is a lesson. The bigger the pain, the better the lesson. Nobody warned you that dating could be so injurious, did they. However, finding out for yourself equips you far better from now-on. They are bloody everywhere, mate. So you need to. The good news is, this horrid sensation won't last. It CAN'T. It will ease that bit more, every day. Exponentially (thank uck). So there is no need to panic. Better to just accept that you're in a pain tunnel - the view at the end of which, once you emerge, is lovely. But once you're IN the tunnel, there's no reverse. There is nothing you can do, therefore, but - just keep putting one foot in front of the other, taking every day as it comes and holding onto his horrid words so that you don't have to keep approaching him in the hope that "the real him" has magically returned, only to be disappointed all over again, the minute he responds. I VERY strongly advise you to write up his Rap Sheet here. No particularly order necessary, just a list of the unacceptable things he says or responds with and does or fails to do - including since he ripped off his mask. And to keep copying and pasting every week so that you can keep adding to it and have it always accessible. THIS IS A TRIED-AND-TESTED METHOD. It keeps you from having that false hope - because that is what keeps knocking you off track and back...you, trying to crawl back into your safe, cosy hole of self-delusion (everyone does it - but everyone has to conquer that programming...normal programming can't help you here, for the simple reason, he is not normal). Hope is a false Reverse and one that doesn't last long enough to bring you any pain-relief, anyway. Trust me, you are undergoing short-term pain for very long-term gain. You would NOT want it the other way around. You - or certainly your personality, including having interests or any interest in life full-stop - would die.

STEPS AND MEASURES: 1. " can't laugh anymore. I use to really value my sense of humour. It is gone. I'm flat." Edit: I can't laugh at this juncture. But I can't wait for the day that it comes back in because I really value my sense of humour. (Thank God he's kicking the love out of me at such a condensed rate - I'll be out of this pain far faster than the average mourner!) :-) That's the truth. PS: How long have you been (er) with this actor? 2. "I haven't access to any funds so I can't move or leave. I have less than $200AUD. That is it." Now THIS you need to deal with. I take it your salary is no longer going into his account? Could you explain everything to Mum and Stepdad and ask for a loan so that you can find your own flat or flat share? Alternatively, have you been in your job long enough and/or have a close enough relationship with your employer to explain the situation and ask him/her for an advance? Have you tried your bank?

Now to the nitty-gritty. Why are you making your emotional-psychological rapist (whom you unfortunately are for the time being incarcerated with) a morning cup of coffee? Still, your refusal to give him any data was spot-on - well done! But stop experimenting with niceness-es. He didn't get with you because you're nice. Or intelligent. Or witty. Or pretty. Or fit. He got with you because, like every other woman on this planet, you're a HOST. He is a social parasite, remember? But he needed to get his hooks into you, the quickest way there is: get you to fall in love with HIS ACTED CHARACTER. You need to be reading up on how they get you, and TRAP you, Trans. Think about this, for example: had you NOT paid a whole month's salary into this fund of his, you'd right now have the financial means to move-out. He's not stupid, is he. (Well, he is in lasting, meaningful ways. Stupid in a very clever way, is how I describe it.)

So - where you are at right now, is this: Emotionally more out of the front door than not. But physically, temporarily trapped. And in huge pain. ...Part of which is that confusion (courtesy of your emotional hemisphere): which bloke is the real bloke? Nice one is...No, nasty one is...No, wait....on and on and on and AAARGH and OWWWWWWW, OWW, OWWWWWWWWW, MAKE THIS PAIN STOOOP!!! "Torn". FACT: the pain of a narcissistic break-up is ten times worse than that of a normal, healthy break-up. Because it's not a break-up of a relationship. It's you, realising you've been DOMESTICALLY CONNED. All your emotional and practical investment tricked out of you. Google Future-Faking. But FOR YOU, the target-victim, it's the TWO: "your relationship" is coming to a painful end AND YOU HAVE BEEN CONNED OUT OF A HECK OF A LOT OF TIME AND EFFORT AND INVESTMENT - AND YOUR MAPPED-OUT FUTURE...AND-AND-AND... But you sound as if you're particularly in agony right now (sorry for you, I know it's more than horrid) so I'm confident that this sensation is where the delusion ACTUALLY breaks. When that happens, the pain will ease - IF you cease doing anything for him. Just Down Tools. Don't offer any conversation, let alone a cup of coffee. And continue not rising to any of his bait (gold star!). He really IS a nasty, nasty piece of work, isn't he?! He is your enemy and he doesn't even care if you know it (because he's got your freedom money). GREY ROCK, GREY ROCK, GREY ROCK, Trans. ********** Another potential solution: would the folks let you move-in for a couple of months so that you can save up a deposit on a flat?

This isn't ABOUT you not deserving it. Of course you don't. No-one does. And definitely not someone like you. No-one COULD, frankly! (Unless they really HAD run over his gran-gran in their 4x4.) THIS IS WHAT HE IS LIKE AND (*mostly) PRETENDED ALL THAT TIME NOT TO BE LIKE. He is a nasty, little BULLY. You shacked up with the school bully from someone else's school. Just years later. After his body finished growing (not his brain). Right? Got it? If they didn't pretend they were NICE and LIKED people, they'd be on the street faster than they could say, Spare a Penny, Guv? They CERTAINLY wouldn't get a girlfriend! BUT! *They do have massive help in being more nice than not, initially. It's called Dopamine and THEIR broken-brained rush is HUGE. Just doesn't plateau, that's all...theirs goes to zero, almost like the turning-off of a tap. And they blame you for that (because the idiots can't work it out, despte it's a constantly repeating pattern of theirs). And then hate you for it. But-BUT! They don't do the logical thing and split-up with you. Oh, no ...that would be too normal. They don't CARE if they hate you. They always did, deep down - despite the dopamine made them think you were "the only person in the world I don't despise, even the opposite!". Yup. Dopamine (first meeting till end of Honeymoon) kids these people-haters (opp. sex espec.) that they've finally found someone who doesn't "make them" be full of contempt for her/him. Without Dopamine rushes still in their systems, they're back to their usual selves: nasty (disturbingly, usually), little schoolyard bullies, grown up (physically only). (Note, however, that some veteran Narcs who HAVE caught on to themselves can be void of Dopamine, don't need to fancy you and be kidded into thinking they love you, at all, to create and keep up the act.) Even aside from any financial benefit they may be able to sneakily get through being for as long as possible with you, they NEED a "behind closed doors" world so that they can puke their toxins into you - their human toilet - before going out into the world each day, NOT feeling like they're about to puke...so that they can fake a smile on their face, look normal, healthy. If they looked and behaved like they needed to puke in front of "their public", everywhere they went - EVERYONE would give them a wide berth! So they purge into you, instead. And if you're onto them, have seen through them - the puking that once was secreted here and there in bits (or even dressed-up as positives) becomes VERY noticable and projectile - as you're finding out. YOU, now, are what enables him to keep up his character act to everyone else. And right now, as he'll be on the hunt for another victim, he needs an extra BIG smile on his face, hence extra puking all over you, required. So know this: Every time you fail to engage or rise to the bait - he struggles out-of-doors with trying to chat some other woman/person up. :-) He might not need to do a FULL puke in her face (whoops!) because she (naturally) said/did something that got him angry(er). But a putrid burp in her face will usually do for any self-respecting gal. (Alternatively, he might start mistreating someone else close to him, instead?)

Remember - WHEN you feel up to it - we can set him and Shister onto each other? But first we need to try every means to move out. Once we've done that - then we create the smoke-screen, using those two (who DO deserve it), so that you can make a seamless exit.

By the way, Lily would like to join in. And I'd like her to. But only if it's ok with you?

"I'm the reason why his life sucks. Yet he is still here? He doesn't seem to have any intention of leaving & why would he? I do everything adult & his life is play on his devices. I'm just so over him. His silly banter bores me senseless. It is repetitious & I've run out of responses, interest or caring. I'm running on auto pilot. This is my life. " For the time being, yes. This is why we need you to work on leaving. Well put, all of that, by the way! Sounds like you've been living with a teenage son, in actual fact, doesn't it. (You and millions of other relationship partners.) Yep, he's a parasite alright. You do have to be the one to leave, though. If he left, you'd be reminded of every insult, etc., everywhere you looked. The flat is tainted now. Like everything else he touches.

""He really just could not get past my character change up. I know it is still eating him up inside because when I was writing I said would you please hand me that bunch of papers from there (pointing) my legs are tired. He got up, looked at the top page saw the word 'Lee' & put them back down, turning to take his seat & said "nup...get it yourself...not touching anything related to that. You just don't get it do you? I'll NEVER forgive you. Can't believe your still writing the character. You are an uncaring, unfeeling, selfish Bitch". I said "I won't give it up. Not now & not ever. Not for you & not for anybody else either. It matters to me. It is a part of me. I need it. I want real love & this is the closest I'm ever going to get to it. You may have stolen my life & my happiness but you can't EVER steal my imagination no matter how hard you try!". I was shaking but I turned on my heel with my paper stack held tightly to my chest & I went to my room. I was muttering so 'f_ _ k You!' under my breath." Well DONE! But now go back to Grey Rock. You are INCREDIBLY strong and brave, though, Trans! Not that that means you don't have a weak side - course you do - we all do. But yours is way LESS weak than most! If you didn't know that - consider yourself educated. :-)

PS: Make sure you have a secured, hidden copy of your manuscript. (I wouldn't put it past him.)

If you want my honest opinion - I think he's already cheating on you. (Sorry.) Although 'cheating-on' isn't correct in this fauxlationship. Finding another Host (come toilet) is. Maybe that's what the 'fund' is for. A deposit on a flat together. His type, I reckon he went back out on the prowl THE MINUTE he could see you were transferring your affections to 'Lee'. He wouldn't have waited because - risking being "host-less" isn't an option for these types. They literally cannot function on their own, and nor can they stand not being in constant company. Poor woman, whoever she is. She's headed straight for where you are today. However, if that IS what your money was for, at least HE'LL move-out (suddenly). If so, could you take a flat-sharer? You'd have to get rid of all reminders of him, put your stamp on it, re-arrange furniture, change cushions and wall paint...minor touch-ups. (Obviously you'll have to feel ready to do any of this...be in the zone. This is just prep. But then - Preparation Is Everything. (Even just mental prep.)

Watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqhxqTQTyvo

PS: ignore the talks too much (in the beginning) bit. A Covert NPD and, in your case, a Narcissistic Sociopath will listen intently (trying to work out how best to play you in order to use you, and how to in future punish you as part of training you into submission), let YOU do most of the talking.

(PS: If you lack time - jump straight to watching from 15:26, which is roughly where Tonya describes the mask falling off COMPLETELY in one go.)

PPS: PLEASE disregard her mention of Co-Dependency (it's been disproven). You do not have to be co-dependent or anything like that to get sucked into and incarcerated within a fauxlationship with a Narc. They - or rather, the way their disordered mind makes them think and behave, and how that forces your involuntary survival response as colours how you/any healthy human respond - CREATE an environment of Co-Dependency. THEY are the Co-Dependent. And they try to turn you into them. (Ugh) Again - the more healthy and vital you are, the more attractive you are to a Narc. Unlike Ticks, that sit on the end of a blade of grass with their hooks out, ready to get caught in passing fur or clothing - these bozos get to CHOOSE their Host. All it takes is you finding them attractive (OR intriguing) BACK. And that's usually because the target is in whatever way low or in need of something at the time. You don't have to be low at the time, though. But if you're not - in that case, they'll basically keep on at you to date them (or not early-dump them), whilst showering you with the kind of attention no-one can resist (unless pre-warned and informed), until they "wear you down" (very common). Alternatively, you, the Normal, can kid yourself it's just casual...someone to go out for meals with....no biggie, you're in complete control (hah!). Whichever. If you get picked on by an emotional parasite-predator or, worse, that AND domestic-level conman(/woman) to-boot - I repeat, it's the OPPOSITE of because there's something wrong or up with you. It's because of your lovely, empathic vibe. I feel this statement best puts this into perspective. (Reverse gender to suit, other readers): HE IS NEVER ABUSIVE 'BECAUSE HE'S ANGRY'. HE IS ANGRY BECAUSE HE'S AN ABUSER.

Really, it depends on what TYPE of Narcissist AND where they sit on the spectrum. AND what's currently going on with them, people forget to mention (because sustained pressure worsens them - e.g. fear of, or actual, imminent exposure). But there's such an overlap of symptoms so, not all experts and victim-turned-experts agree on issues like Co-dependency, low or lowered Self-Esteem and the like. I repeat: those things are symptoms you end UP with! (But which can be shaken off again, IF you stay single meanwhile.) You steadily and surely get back the you that you used to know, but with bells on because you've been learning, growing and reprioritising during that so-called waste of time. This is not a bad life lesson. It's just painful. But as your knowledge over how they tick, when, and why, grows, so your understanding increases - as then drowns-out and vetos your plodding emotional side and the pain dissolves. The faster you learn, the easier and easier the grieving and the faster you heal and recover. In the world of normal healthies - "Knowledge is power". Whereas, in La-La Land (the warped reality these brokens inhabit and try to force you to operate by) it's your impregnable forcefield. Well, impregnable if there are no detectable gaps, otherwise you're just well-protected.

The end truth is this, though, Trans. There are so many more, normal, healthy males out there who would think they'd died and gone to Heaven to have a live-in girlfriend like you. We can ALL SEE just how ingrained an habit it is, for you to take care of someone. And FIRST on men's list is a nurturer (it's best for the survival and quality his future offspring, isn't it). ...SO ingrained a habit, that you're even making what has revealed himself to be, your psycho-emotional rapist, a cuppa. There is kind and caring, habitually for "too" long, and then there is THAT. Same goes for your diligence and sense of duty - still doing the housework (although, I hope a large part of that is because cleanliness and tidiness makes YOU happier?). And your sense of fun! Most people just lazed around, bored as heck, during lockdown. Not you! You invented your own daily soap-opera as a way to write a novel - something that your partner could share in and benefit from! And your tact and diplomacy! There is telling your partner gently, that your not happy with how he's increasingly started treating you/failing to, and then there is THAT. (Remember, it's the What he's bothered by, not the How. And you weren't to know he'd go into Chucky mode - and stay there. If he weren't antisocial and morally corrupt, etc., that whole exercise would have been called A VERY CLEVER, INCREDIBLY SUBTLE, INCREDIBLY PROTECTIVE-OF-HIS-EGO, TUTORIAL! It was SUPPOSED to give him ideas as well as tell him where he was going wrong, was it not!). I don't care if you're so-called physically attractive or not. And nor do men, once they grow up and get real. All you need to make a REAL GROWN-UP man happy is some sort of hourglass shape (sign of reproductive health), a NICE face (which is usually because of your default expression and your smile), and a personality and huge heart like yours and, YOU are the woman he takes home to meet mother, rather than sh*g and dump. It is literally CRIMINAL that a woman like YOU, one so talented, conscientious and hard-working - AND NOT EVEN PAIN CAN STOP HER! - is sat there, so often allowing your conscious self to insult your own core being with these self-blaming, self-doubting, self-deprecating comments and downright insults, to the point of Hair-Shirting. It's ridiculous is what it is. Ugh, get this creep away from you - just as soon as you feel ready. Bloody let me know when that is! Because what I believe is the ONE chink in your armour, is your now chipped-away confidence. You only need to feel ready to BEGIN, by the way. Do NOT survey the entire mountain path! That is your scaredy-cat side trying to convince you that you can't do it - it's too biiig, mew-mew. It is not, because it's not a whole entity. NOWHERE in life does a human get to think themselves from Spot A to Spot B, be those physical or mental. You get there by doing a series of tiny moves of each foot in turn. Baby Steps. (Your body is merely an appendage of your mind that, accordingly, behaves LIKE YOUR MIND THINKS. Hence your appendages for making progress, likewise move one step after another, repeatedly, until you hit the intended destination.) And neither is the path a runaway train. You can stay in control at every point. It's your feet that move, not the path. And I'll be there. Put it this way - when you're ready, I will bust a gut to ensure we have routine, regular, frequent, days on here. Because I cannot think of ANYTHING more rewarding and life-affirming than helping a perfectly (almost literally) lovely lady get out of some sadistic, lazy, weasley little creep's dungeon AND whole compound AND La-La Land (where the grass only seems Greener because it's fake) - and onto healthier ground for-good! By the way: you can write. And CLEARLY can get your message across very well, no matter how subtly laid and layered (after all, Mr Thickie got it!). And you know what they say? Write about what you know. Imagine if you got a best-seller out of this? Could be non-fiction, could be fiction based on fact. Imagine if you actually turned this nightmare into a real-live dream that transformed the rest of your life? What if you turned this whole thing round and (since you got forced unawares into a Win-Lose competition against your will anyway) came out the winner (by miles!)? Coo, there's an idea! :-) For now, however, we need that Rap Sheet and toute suite, please. And, if you please, Lily on-board. Because, what I CAN'T do, nor would subject Lily to, is just sit here, having to witness your repeat mistreatment at his hands, week after week, month after month, with you still not answering my questions as pertain to helping you take your escape or proper self-protective action whilst not actually taking action yourself (it is SO important to be taking any actions you can, or helplessness can set in). That would be really unhealthy for me as well as you (and I'd have to suggest you seek out the kind of forum where you vent with other victims in the same stage of the same boat, instead). ...Or at least, getting to accompanying you as you insist on doing it your own, stubborn way (albeit, that'll likely make it all take longer and be more painful than necessary). However, saying all of that, at this point I do know where on the path you are and that you just need a damn good breather before you'll feel ready to start to tackle this - no worries, I'm happy to wait. :-) After all, you don't even LIKE him any more. (Hah - what's to like!) Now your head has to spend a good few days or a week to get around THAT. In fact, you might even hate him, but don't recognise it because this is the first time you've genuinely experienced it? Whatever, it's obvious the bubble is well and truly burst where there's no going back, and if you won the lottery tomorrow - out you'd walk, and deal with your pain and incredulity at your leisure afterwards! I think that sums it up. You're detached enough but still finding it hard to believe the Jekyll & Hyde (and how disgustingly horrid Hyde is). Plus you're injured and need to tend to your wounds. If you go more Grey Rock, AND write that rap sheet (which btw, could be your opening chapter), you'll get that little recovery breather. The rap sheet will stop your mind richocheting back and forth between expecting him to suddenly go back to who he pretended to be, and accepting it just ain't gonna happen (not least because he's gone too far, crossed too many lines). If you want to add, setting the two rotweillers onto each other, you'll get a much better quality rest and peace & quiet, the ability to think really clearly and feel how you - without your buttons being pushed - truly feel and no more Cognitive Dissonance paralysing your decision-making powers. The result will probably be, you suddenly RARING to make your escape - which you will no longer think of as any loss, just pure gain and relief. That's usually how it works. My money's totally on you, gal. Not least because of this seemingly innocent, trivial little sentence which ACTUALLY speaks chasmic, undeniable volumes :-) : "I was muttering so 'f_ _ k You!' under my breath." (Oh, he's going to be ucked alright.) (No wonder he tried to reduce you.) FYI - that sentence right there is also born from your - wait for it - SENSE OF HUMOUR. It's merely what your SOH looks like in the pouring rain. But I couldn't have read that if you hadn't put it. That was a very deeply subconscious message for me (there you go again, lol), to say, I'm NOT really on the floor, Soulmate, I'm just resting and waiting and picking my moment while I've got HIM confused and not knowing whether to be nice or not (thus doing both). :-) You're alright. Everything's ok. It's just over-primitive sensations meant to spur you into evasion/escape action, that's all. As soon as you can begin the process of removing yourself, you'll start to feel much better (and he will seem to start to literally shrink...you watch!).

"I was muttering so 'f_ _ k You!' under my breath." The ones that can do that - specifically, under their breath like that or in whatever other hard to detect ways - are the ones that end up, not only out-foxing their bully but coming out smelling of roses. Winners. The statement and it's risky execution (they might hear or at least sense) translates to this: First chance I get and - you`re dead meat. So you're still doing fine, even if you don't quite know it. :-)

PS: "Why are you making your emotional-psychological rapist (whom you unfortunately are for the time being incarcerated with) a morning cup of coffee?" Hand-on-heart - how much of this was so you could take his temperature and get a refresher of how horrid he is?

PPS: because it bears repeating - because it's now an obvious target*: PROTECT YOUR MANUSCRIPT! Hell - DOUBLE-protect it if you like! Do that even before you respond here. * He didn't answer you. He went quiet because he got an idea in his head. That's what I mean by an obvious target. You gave him true information about what means most to you in the world thus what would injure you the most to lose. To the person whom, on being shown your injury (about sister's comment), didn't just not offer any comfort but actually inserted a knife in your wound and twisted it. (Cognitive Sadist alert!! Definitely a Sociopath!) You painted a target. This is another reason why I'm saying go properly Grey Rock - including no telling him anything any more, or checking with me beforehand wherever you can.

(Sorry, I meant, your sister's ACT, not comment. Which, btw, was so clear-cut pathologically possessive and controlling an act of TRIANGULATION it leaves me speechless!...but knowing 100% that your sister is a full-blown Spath - and considerably bigger and uglier than him. She is the Mother Ship. You're going to deal with him as a mere practise run-up to finally dealing with her. Very common stuff. Our Lily can tell you all about that. :-))

...Co-Dependency, my arse. Sure, SOME people come pre-co-dependent - which is GREAT for the inexperienced Narc because half his work is done FOR him. But not that many. However, your shockingly mean and egotistical, have played that game too many times and got bored with it, and prefer a CHALLENGE...get more of a kick and feel cleverer, out of bringing down a LIONESS. It's not about what the victim lacks on meeting or passing Date 4. It's about the effects of DOMINANCE from A Dominator, a taking-over of people/lovers that has been repeated so often until it's done with total confidence (arrogance) and *subtlety (underneath the overt stuff that's merely a smoke-screen), including ways that most normal-healthies aren't even aware exist, let alone can truly feel happening. (*if you don't know what to watch out for) A Narcissist could be a born Circus Clown of a lifelong Narc bully. One who slowly but surely, while pretending to be an office worker, including dressing like one and "leaving for the office" every day, etc., bit-by-bit forced you to live a Clown's life, despite you might have made it clear at the start, you didn't even LIKE Clowns!...just so that the idiot would feel LESS of a Clown in comparison (AND got a perpetually-needed, constant kick out of being able to trick you increasingly into being his Clown-Sidekick-come-Servant). What would the uninitiated say then? "Ah! If you ended up with him it must be because you love Clowns! You need to cease loving Clowns!" Pardon¿ (upside-down question-mark intentional)

Hi, yes of course Lily come on board the sad train to nowhere which seems to be my life at the mo. I don't have a lot to say. I have an appointment with a Social Worker on the 2 June. Which happens to be my Wedding Anniversary. Ironic. Officially we have been together 12 years. Unofficially we have known each other much longer. Aprox. 20 years in total. So letting go is not easy. In the beginning it was great. I'm just going through the motions. I don't instigate any convos between us. I respond in a noncommittal manner but politely with one or two word answers when it is necessary to avoid being down right rude or mean spirited. So for the most part some peace has set in (i know it will be a temporary respite). He does his thing daily & I do mine. More like house sharing roomies these days. Neither room mate being particularly fussed on the other. The only oddity to report was the following: (Partner looks up from his hand held game & says this quite out of the blue) I actually realised today that I miss Lotta (my character in the novel). I wondered about what her reaction might be to something I was thinking. I use to enjoy her crazy ways sometimes. (I say nothing from my sofa & just stare at him as he continues) Heck I even thought about starting up the story again & considered not being bothered about Lee anymore. After all he is dead. Not happy about Zaddy though. You had to go do that didn't you. Just another one of your base, typical, copy-paste characters really. So I did earlier this evening actually consider suggesting we try starting up the story again. BUT then I realised something. (I still just look him square in the eyes as he continues) I realised something about me as a person.

Firstly I am an excellent Method Actor. I've been faking it with you for ages with this story. I've hated Lotta for so long but I'm so good an Actor that you were clue less. You actually believed I was still into Lotta. Nup. Method Acting & I'm dam good at it. Second thing I learnt about myself is unfortunate for you. Once you cross me you will NEVER (he puts emphasis on the word) have the chance to do it again. There was a time I would have done anything for you. Same goes with Peter for Lotta. But once you step too far there will be no turning back. You should have accepted Peter for Peter. Instead you wasted my time. You created this boring, base, A typical guy and you made him firstly a friend for Lotta & then you took it that step too far. You made them fall in love. You made yourself happy. Didn't give a shit about my feelings. You're a selfish mole & it comes through your character. But I buried her. I made every other character shun her & then I pulled the plug on you. I hoped you'd learnt a lesson. Nope I was wrong as you went & made a Zaddy. A copy paste of Liam (Lee). Another nothing personality. All love & praise for Lotta for no good reason as the character is fake & a major bitch. She is horrible. Peter put up with her because he is a good guy. He tolerated her pain in the arse ways. Anyway... Peter was friendly, intelligent, quirky & a funny guy. Everybody loves him. He was the life of every party. So he put up with her. He felt sorry for Lotta. She got a Liam & that caused her to see his dark side. You don't betray Peter. He's hurt. You did it. I know what I know. I can't suddenly not know it. You can not ever sway my perspective. I'm right. The pathetic bitch was lucky to have him. My Peter never wanted only one woman. He hates clingy as you know. I was upfront about the fact that Peter would have a Harem of adoring women. Lotta was his first but she was NEVER going to be his last. I was honest with you. I said he'd do others on the side & he did have 12 others right under her nose. Honesty matters. Trust matters. Loyalty was the thing Peter held most dear. So you went & made Lotta fall for Liam. I helped you create this story from the start. You broke it. Not me. All she had to do was remain devoted to Peter always regardless of what he does because she owes him. So for a fleeting moment earlier today I thought maybe...maybe I'd try again. Nope. You were cold hearted adding in Liam for no good reason & now you have to pay for your actions. So I'll be as cold as I like & mean as I like. So there. That is all I wanted to get off my chest. I let him go on with all this! I did not nod. I did speak. I did not interrupt. When he finally finished his barrage I said this... "as long as you feel good about yourself. as long as you are comfortable with it. as long as you can sleep at night. whatever makes you happy that is what is important here & always has been. So there". I got up & left the room.

PS I just got spoken to like a pig from this selfish, self centred BASTARD. He isn't even civil. I get treated however the mood takes him. I think he needs a mood regulator. I'm done. I'm so over being spoken to snappily for no good reason. I'm really starting to HATE him big time! I'd rather be dead than sitting here right now. It is not 'living' it is an 'existence' only & a negative one at that. I am suppressing the biggest & loudest 'JUST F_ _K UP & DIE'! Is what I want to say to him. It isn't just a temper I wish to release it is the truth of how I feel. I've cared enough for somebody incapable of LOVE. Not true or real this relationship. It is as big a facade as the bloody Game. I worry that he has NO FEELINGS? Can a person really be this cold. He often says I'm a ROCK. Yep you are but not tough, strong or reliable. A rock has no feelings & is cold. Basically a rock is a big lug that nobody should have to carry around with them! I've been living literally UNDER A ROCK. I WANT TO F _ _CK OUT OF HERE!!!

More Irony! This nearly knocked me over with a feather. You were making Circus references above. He made Peter a Clown in a Circus. No joke! When I read your words I decided you must be a psychic LOL

Eyup. "Hi, yes of course Lily come on board the sad train to nowhere which seems to be my life at the mo." Thank-you. And - yeah-yeah... Still - 'AT THE MO' noted. Thank-you, much better. Very Fast Learner noted also. "I don't have a lot to say." Haha. ...Three posts later. Don't be silly, you're a playwriter, you always have something to say, LOL. 1. "I have an appointment with a Social Worker on the 2 June. Which happens to be my Wedding Anniversary. Ironic." Well done! I take it it's about the abuse (there are no kids, right)? 2. "Officially we have been together 12 years. Unofficially we have known each other much longer. Aprox. 20 years in total. So letting go is not easy. In the beginning it was great." Interesting. I've noticed "the 7 year itch" is simply how little a fauxlationship with a male narc lasts until he tries to bail or allows himself to be found-out cheating, but where the woman is stubborn and determined enough to want to keep trying to make the (what she doesn't yet realise is the) unworkable work, goes to roughly 12 or 13. Question, therefore: was there a near-break-up (or could/should have been) at roughly year 7? 3. And isn't it odd, how, despite you were in one another's forcefields for a full eight years - in all that time, first year...second year...no sparks were there to pull or throw you together? How does that work? Was he your consolation prize? Or did he, without you even realising it, EVENTUALLY WEAR YOU DOWN? Were you in fact RESISTING him for those 8 years? And what happened to cause the switch from friends to daters? Can you recall? 4. Twenty years. Yup. REALLY daunting and overwhelming though (at first). Which is really annoying because once you make a start and get into your stride, you realise it's NOT and the only, truly terrifying consequence was STAYING...and basically ending up slow-flogged-to-death or (if you're physically too fit) Catatonia. (I've seen it....most disturbing experience of my life...lights are on but no-one is home...prodded, slapped and punched to death....passive android, is what she had become...dead but still animate. Brrrr!). But anyway, you will want to kick yourself hard for not having done it YEARS AGO. Still, after 12+ years of drip-drip, toxicity - mainly so covert as to be Ambient abuse, peppered (by the sounds) with overt peltings - that's your joyous sunshine to step into ...don't want to water-down the surprise. :-). But, basically, you have that 20 to thank for that because - the longer you're under them, the more joyous and enjoyable the freedom. 5. Yep, in the beginning it's always great (although, depending on the narc type AND his type of victim, there are exceptions). But this is how the overriding majority do it. They sell you a false advert - while issuing false approvals and agreements over the contents of your own, genuine advert - and, because it was your first impression of them as got heavily sustained/re-imprinted for "just that bit too long" AND (the spath) got accompanied by actual actions, not just words - trying to COME TO TERMS with the fact that it had been a very long, drawn-out act (the long con), with the fact that you were dating an illusion..... This is so difficult (mental acrobatics requiring huge mental flexibility and a good, strong partnership of mind hemispheres) to get a grip on AND KEEP HOLD OF, that too many victims get dragged back into believing the one they dated MUST be the real one....which is when Hoovering works. They basically train you too intensively and too (moreover) exclusively into viewing them as your knight in shining armour, whilst simultaneously training your reflexes. ...Why drug addictions are known as habits, eh. 6. "I'm just going through the motions. I don't instigate any convos between us. I respond in a noncommittal manner but politely with one or two word answers when it is necessary to avoid being down right rude or mean spirited. So for the most part some peace has set in (i know it will be a temporary respite)." (Slaps 4 Gold Stars on Trans' forehead and merilly picks up knitting.) (Never knitted in my life, actually, lol) (REALLY fast learner, actually - have another star) 7. "He does his thing daily & I do mine. More like house sharing roomies these days. Neither room mate being particularly fussed on the other." GOOD! Clearly he's happy with this set-up. Which is obviously because, as I say, he needs some sense of stability so that he's free to put his energies into "your replacement" (new and trusting slave) - or going on the cruise (no doubt internet), whichever. 8. Also, I'm really pleased to get it confirmed that you're legally married. Excellent. Half of everything is yours, and anything or sums he misappropriated will be repaid courtesy of court order (and you have proof in the form of your bank statement as shows the transfer and its date...and this thread). You might well end up realising that, proportionately, you were paying far more household costs than him, too (- oh, let's hope! Family Judges HATE that. Mind you, they hate Narcs full-stop.) 9. Furthermore, as the abuser, the one making living together untenable - and the only one with (laugh with me - go on!) THE FUNDS IN HIS ACCOUNT TO (crowd goes wild!), he may well be made to be the one who moves out. And the one to pay you Interim Maintenance (temporary spousal maintenance to tide you over until the final sum is set - usually a lot bigger). But that'll be down to your solicitor. (PS: ask the social worker if she can recommend any lawyers who are well educated and practised with narc husbands. Bet she can.) 10. "The only oddity to report was the following: (Partner looks up from his hand held game & says this quite out of the blue) I actually realised today that I miss Lotta (my character in the novel). I wondered about what her reaction might be to something I was thinking. I use to enjoy her crazy ways sometimes. (I say nothing from my sofa & just stare at him as he continues) Heck I even thought about starting up the story again & considered not being bothered about Lee anymore. After all he is dead. Not happy about Zaddy though. You had to go do that didn't you. Just another one of your base, typical, copy-paste characters really. So I did earlier this evening actually consider suggesting we try starting up the story again. BUT then I realised something. (I still just look him square in the eyes as he continues) I realised something about me as a person." (I'll follow your format and continue in the next message...)

(TSK, did I really just type playwritER? - playwrite) (10.) "Firstly I am an excellent Method Actor. I've been faking it with you for ages with this story. I've hated Lotta for so long but I'm so good an Actor that you were clue less. You actually believed I was still into Lotta. Nup. Method Acting & I'm dam good at it. " Yeah, sure he is. Yeah, sure he has. Yeah, sure he has. Yes, so you said. No, she was clueless because there was no crime - you've just made it up. "Second thing I learnt about myself is unfortunate for you." What - that you can count to 2 despite you're only 5? "Once you cross me you will NEVER (he puts emphasis on the word) have the chance to do it again." Oh, here we go - this old chestnut..."I WILL DESTROY YOU, RUIN YOU, YOU'LL NEVER WORK AGAIN IN THIS TOWN...", blah blah blah. Other way around, pal, I think you and all your kind will find. Also other way round re. best method actor. After all, she hates your guts and you think she's just knackered from the beating and just all out of argument. (He cannot see the dagger before him, eh.) "There was a time I would have done anything for you." When was that - half-past-two, 13 years ago on a Tuesdee in May? "Same goes with Peter for Lotta." Ohhh, so - while she was "cheating on you" with Lee, you were cheating with Lotta. Right, ok, giant hypocrite. The only Lotta you deserve is a lotta stab marks. "But once you step too far there will be no turning back." Dan!-Dan!-Daaaaaan!!! "You should have accepted Peter for Peter. Instead you wasted my time. You created this boring, base, A typical guy and you made him firstly a friend for Lotta & then you took it that step too far. You made them fall in love. You made yourself happy. Didn't give a shit about my feelings. You're a selfish mole & it comes through your character. But I buried her. I made every other character shun her & then I pulled the plug on you. I hoped you'd learnt a lesson. Nope I was wrong as you went & made a Zaddy. A copy paste of Liam (Lee). Another nothing personality. All love & praise for Lotta for no good reason as the character is fake & a major bitch. She is horrible. Peter put up with her because he is a good guy. He tolerated her pain in the arse ways. Anyway..." (Can this ridiculous imbecile not make a connection between the spouse that alone, repeatedly without provocation, calls the other by nasty, disrespectful, misogynistic names that should never pass between romantic partners, like 'bitch', and the definition of bitch? Are you dating Stevie Wonder's evil twin?) Anyway - blah blah blah I'm so great and so clever blah blah I'm going to destroy you and - look how thick I am (again) - yeah, yeah. "Peter was friendly, intelligent, quirky & a funny guy. Everybody loves him. He was the life of every party. So he put up with her. He felt sorry for Lotta. She got a Liam & that caused her to see his dark side. You don't betray Peter. He's hurt. You did it. I know what I know. I can't suddenly not know it. You can not ever sway my perspective. I'm right. The pathetic bitch was lucky to have him." Zzzzzzzzzzz.......... "My Peter never wanted only one woman. He hates clingy as you know. I was upfront about the fact that Peter would have a Harem of adoring women." STOP PRESS - OOH, WHAT A SPATH REVEAL! Right then: he tricked that money out of you to multi-date, not for a flat deposit. He doesn't want rid of you, he wants to add to you while wearing you down until you think you couldn't give a stuff any more HOW many other women he's shagging on the side and turn a blind eye. That explains his desperation to engage you by couching his - er - babble of lies, twistings and all-round nonsensical drivel - and pathetic threat attempt (which just translates to, don't you dare leave me, you're too convenient to lose, whaah, stomp-stomp) in a way that will appeal to you. My ex tried this - psychology and philosophy (which I'm happy to discuss with anyone any time)...which was a strange switch, given that, that particular Saturday late morning, he'd rung to discuss something about our kid to do with schooling. I could have flattered myself by thinking he'd missed me (awwwww..puke), but noooo. He wanted his new partner to get back from (cough!) the only gym in the land that despite the weekly visit over a 2-year period seemed not to be making a blind bit of bodily difference (pmsl!), and see (check) that he'd been on the phone to me for over an HOUR. So I only ever responded to that tack the once (heh-heh). Anyway - back to boring fart-face... (he REALLY is ridiculous!). But desperation to work-out what's what by re-engaging (etc.) is the point and very much noted so... "Lotta was his first but she was NEVER going to be his last." Translation: You were my first wife but you were NEVER going to be my last. "I was honest with you. I said he'd do others on the side & he did have 12 others right under her nose." Translation: I have 12 others right under your nose. (He doesn't. He has 12 other female facebook POTENTIALS, i.e. duped fans and hangers-on just waiting for Mr Wonderful to finally get with them or finally come stay the night/get their loan back by letting him move in with them/whatever. Only he doesn't WANT to get with any of them. Because they're not as stallion nor cushily convenient as yourself. Go Google Prime (or Primary or Main) Narcissistic Supply, and then Sociopath's Harem. (Here's one - by Angie Atkinson: https://queenbeeing.com/part-narcissists-harem-might-shocked/) "Honesty matters. Trust matters. Loyalty was the thing Peter held most dear. So you went & made Lotta fall for Liam. I helped you create this story from the start. You broke it. Not me. All she had to do was remain devoted to Peter always regardless of what he does because she owes him." Not to you. Not to you. No, he didn`'t. No, she didn't. No, you didn't. No, she didn't. Yes, you. No she didn't and no woman should have to. (Regardless of, and, she owes him - UGH!!! I think he's confusing you with his mother...who probably DID owe him (breast milk and protection from his dad).) "So for a fleeting moment earlier today I thought maybe...maybe I'd try again. Nope. You were cold hearted adding in Liam for no good reason & now you have to pay for your actions. So I'll be as cold as I like & mean as I like. So there. That is all I wanted to get off my chest." Oh, DID you. Nope is correct. No, she wasn't. You need to listen to yourself, pal, and realise how effing INSANE YOU SOUND!!! In- SANE. Insanely immature as well! Where does he think he is?! On the set of Dynasty or - worse - some schoolboy-made horror-film? Seriously, he sounds like some spiteful, brimming-with-resentment EIGHT OR NINE-YEAR-OLD BOY! Christ, what's he going to threaten you with next - a spit pellet?...or a conker in your face?...Chinese burn? - whaaaat?? (Are you getting all of this, Lils?!) "I let him go on with all this! I did not nod. I did speak. I did not interrupt." Okayyyyyy, Daddy Cool ("Nnnnnice!"). 3 more stars (thlup!). "When he finally finished his barrage I said this... "as long as you feel good about yourself. as long as you are comfortable with it. as long as you can sleep at night. whatever makes you happy that is what is important here & always has been. So there". I got up & left the room." (Barrage is too good a word for it.) Two further gold stars ("thlup, thlup, thlup!"). You sound proud of yourself (and so you should). THAT'S MORE LIKE IT! You're getting extremely good at this out-narcing of the narc biz. :-) Anyway. The point there was not the drivel or the content, so much as to try to re-engage you (because you passively keep failing to), both intellectually and via ego socks in the form of hints that he is not just cheating on you but cheating with LOOOOOADSA women! I believe that's what he's aiming for achieving. However.... how do I say this? Fake "normally nice, decent guy" face or not - how on EARTH did a woman of your intelligence and intellect ever manage to hook up with such a STUPID (albeit, emotionally dangerous nonetheless) man??? Seriously, he is REALLY DENSE - no intelligence or finesse at all! You don't suppose he was just a malignant Narc (more financially explotative and just emotionally point-scoring, as opposed to the spath's financial theft/conning and deliberate, slow-burning, psychological annihilation) that stumbled on the whole idea of socipathic parasite-ing only recently (as opposed to his more inept mummy's boy, usual style), and thought, "Cor, I'm gonna try that strategy instead!" - do you? Anyway. BECAUSE I can't resist: My response as I left the room would have been, "Cool. Don't forget to flush." Keep that up - that 'chip-chip-chip' passivity and, like this instance, with its false encouragement (seeming to want to hear him out). It'll be steadily driving him bonkers, to where HE'LL become the one unable to function....in fact, that may BE why he's coming across so damned unskilled and new-at-it. Because UNTIL AND UNLESS he gets enough data out of you BY making you rise to the bait and blow your top - he is totally in the dark as to what you're thinking, feeling, planning, not planning..... the coercive control-freak is CONTROL-LESS. You've got it all. He might even have been so thick about it because you and the way you are so "closed shop" as has him clueless, are starting to freak him out, making him wonder if you might visit him in the night and Bobbitt him or something. Dunno. Is he NORMALLY that childish and thick or is this a new development...a new low? Good ol' Grey rock. :-) Or "Floppy on the supermarket floor" as I oft fondly call it. See, there's nothing wrong with Passive-Aggression. It's only MISUSE OR DOWNRIGHT ABUSE of p-a that's wrong. Diff/all the diff. And, what choice has he left YOU? Anyway, I had NO IDEA how close to the truth I was when I named him Chucky! He doesn't seem to be physically aggressive or violent, though. (Is that because in the early days when he tried it, you'd hit/threaten/aggress him back?)

PS: It wasn't a wedding. It was more your Green Card type of union, but which only he knew about. Therefore, if there was never a wedding there has never been a wedding anniversary. In which case, this rather too incredible "coincidence" is not ironic, it's a sign. Of encouragement. "Shpookayyy" Number One, look, Lils. There'll be more of those, I reckon, Trans. Don't ask me how or why, but, they just happen when you're in these horrid situations through no fault of your own, and because your eyes are wider open and your head higher (hypervigilance - think meerkat), you really notice them and feel their impact. Ohhh, the stories I could tell...!

Noticed the time so - will finish tomorrow. (Lils, feel free to submit your observations and RL comparisons whenever you like.)

Oh, right - yes, it's actually the third Shpookay. Cool! "PS I just got spoken to like a pig from this selfish, self centred BASTARD. He isn't even civil. I get treated however the mood takes him. I think he needs a mood regulator. I'm done. I'm so over being spoken to snappily for no good reason. I'm really starting to HATE him big time! I'd rather be dead than sitting here right now. It is not 'living' it is an 'existence' only & a negative one at that. I am suppressing the biggest & loudest 'JUST F_ _K UP & DIE'! Is what I want to say to him. It isn't just a temper I wish to release it is the truth of how I feel. I've cared enough for somebody incapable of LOVE. Not true or real this relationship. It is as big a facade as the bloody Game. I worry that he has NO FEELINGS? Can a person really be this cold. He often says I'm a ROCK. Yep you are but not tough, strong or reliable. A rock has no feelings & is cold. Basically a rock is a big lug that nobody should have to carry around with them! I've been living literally UNDER A ROCK. I WANT TO F _ _CK OUT OF HERE!!!" Love that. The Lioness Roars! And every little bit of what you said is true. Well done. Don't touch that dial. :-) :-) :-) Come on, then - Rap sheet. Those individual reports, albeit useful and vital, aren't an actual, bullet-pointed rap-sheet. It'll keep you in Lioness mode - even if he starts trying to mimic a little lioncub to disarm you that way (oh, that'll come, I'm sure). Google Hoovering using the Pity Ploy/Play. ********* Here's one : https://narcissistabusesupport.com/red-flags/red-flags-narcissist-guilt-trips-pity-ploys-obligation/ (obvs substitute partner for parent*): "Some narcissists play the martyr. They will play the “woe is me” routine. They list all the sacrifices they have made for you. Some even muster up tears because they are so unappreciated. Don’t be fooled by this manipulative behavior. They are trying to get you to excuse their bad behavior. When you don’t, you are accused of being cold-hearted, uncaring towards your poor parent* who is feeling so badly." ********* (Ringing a bell already, huh?)

CALL OUT TO SOULMATE! PLEASE IF YOU ARE THERE I'D REALLY LIKE TO CHAT TO YOU. I AM TRANSMUTATION. I HAD TO CREATE A NEW ACCOUNT.

I'm hiding in my room with the dog. I'm shaking. He just lost his shit. Face changed Voice changed Eyes changed Smashed my $500+ doll & diorama said they are a vessel for evil which dwells in me & must be stopped smiled doing it, laughed, said he was enjoying it quote immensely repeated how I am the evil that exists through the dolls & my story (the Game) now he has put a permanent stop to it!

Hi trans Is it possible for you to leave asap? And what’s exactly happened? I Think he’s the evil one here!

He completely, utterly, absolutely is, Lils. He's a nasty, petty, paranoid, spiteful, sadistic idiot (not a good combo!). Trans, can you go to your mum's house?

BTW Trans, I know it's really freaky but try not to be freaked-out by his face/persona change. This "different looks" is characteristic of a Sociopath. I've seen it myself, many a time. I still to do this day don't know whether it's because their moods are so extreme that they cause such extreme physical differences between the two or three 'face-sets' or whether these bozos have practised these faces in the mirror after having watched horror and other films (and the reason I say this is because - ever seen Cable Guy? Their babysitters tend to be the telly. Narc mothers/parents don't tend to want to "waste" money on childminders. Some do get a lot of ideas from the telly, in terms of the effect a psycho-face is depicted as having on the victims - i.e. it shuts them up instantly.) Don't be intimidated but do increase Grey Rock and pretend you're a defeated mess ("job done, now I can relax") - IF you can't stay over at the folks'.

A sociopath's biggest, most constant aim with his victim throughout the entire relationship is to make her shut the eff up, completely back-off from whatever they were saying/doing as could threaten them (e.g. boxing them into a corner with questioning that bit too salient), and they will lower themselves to do so, including trying to look like a damn serial killer. Did you confront him over something (that he couldn't think of an answer to)?

Anyway, I am SO SORRY. You must be devastated. :-( Wish I could beat him up for you. I don't normally say that, nor feel like it. Except with monsters like him. In his case, I'd pay to do it. And then chuck him out for you. But, look, THIS IS WHY I've been trying to encourage you to visit mum for a bit and make appointments with whichever various solicitors that offer a free initial, face-to-face consultation and specialises in narcs (three is best...see who you really click with). Because of what he's done, he might be ordered to move out (possibly via an injunction). Meantime, take photos of the damage. Thank God you hid your manuscript. Alternatively, ring your nearest women's refuge. They can give you advice and help, even if you don't move in.

Don't be scared to visit a solicitor. You'll come out clicking your heels together.

Thanks for just being there. I mean that. I'm numb. I've been hiding in my room for hours. I want to cry but I can't. It won't fall. I won't let it. I just stared at him as he smashed my diorama & broke my fav doll. He said I don't respect him. From now on I'm to keep the dolls in my room only & he doesn't want to see them. I fear that I actually did cause his rage! HE was telling me what he expects from now on & how things are going to change. He said he is doing me a favour to teach me how to feel & help me with my mental issues. HE went on & on about the Game. How hateful a person I was to make Liam & now Zaddy. That I didn't care about his feelings at all (which is true. after 10 years of hearing about his feelings I quite frankly don't give a dam anymore.) I stayed silent through his rant & when he said you'll cease the stupid dolls NOW & cease the story writing NOW. I piped up & said 'no I wont. not now & not ever no matter what he says' So he jumped off the sofa, picked up my fav doll (I just stared at him) & proceeded to use her to smash the diorama (which I'd just completed & everybody said was beautiful). She broke. I'd had to earn her. No Xmas, No Easter, No Birthday gifts or anything last year. To cover her cost I was told when I'd said I'd like to buy her having seen the doll online. Her head lays on the lounge floor with the diorama stuff spread all around. The other day he lost his shit telling me off in the shops for attempting to steal his money. When I said a big portion of it was mine well that was the last straw he ranted & raved at me for hours. Then I was thrown across the room a box of chocolates. They are why I told you to piss off in the shops stupid. I was being nice & thinking of you. HE found this site & other stuff I'd been doing on line. Not sure how. I shouldn't be here typing this but quite frankly I know longer care if he kills me. I just don't want to exist anymore. I don't know if who I am or how I am was bad enough to earn or warrant this type of behaviour. If I'm so bad for goodness sakes do us all a favour & leave. He wont! Said as much. I have even less money now. He took all the cards. So I've no options. I do have a social worker appointment on the 3rd June. Perhaps that will achieve something. Now he's trying to stop the dog from being with me. She ran & hid when he broke the stuff. He says I turned the dog against him & made her love me more. His dog. Not true. He yelled & was loud so much she started to come to me & that is the fact he can't & won't swallow. She hates him! Even growled at him for the very first time the other night. Which did not go down well. That is my fault also. I spoilt her so now she doesn't respect him. I've NEVER felt more numb. My heart feels like steel inside my chest as I type this. I just can't fathom how or when it got so out of hand. He was so nice once. Makes me believe it was me that changed him. Anyway, I haven't slept. I just can't. I'm just sitting here typing with the dog (which won't do me any favours as he's been calling her & she is ignoring him). She followed me into my room & on the bed beside me I didn't make her! Without a word of a lie she has started snuggling into me & making coo sounds? odd. I think she is nervous also. I am baffled by everything he says & does. It is contradictory. Like the other night. He says he has a therapist now & that person said I'm a gaslighting, control freak, narc. That I am incapable of loving anybody as I'm in love with myself. Then supposed therapist advised him that I am unstable, borderline personality disorder & mental. I'm mental because I believe in life after death, spirits & angels. This apparently tells a therapist instantly that I'm unhinged. I said 'thanks for the compliments happy to be different'. Two days after my analysis he says 'hey...I've been planning a surprise for your birthday' then 'I've found a reputable male medium. Hes really expensive but has a 100% accuracy rating. See how nice I am. I'm organising that for you. I just needed to tell you incase you don't wish to go & then I can save the money'. Hang on...I said. Aren't you enabling my psychosis. Should you be encouraging me to see a medium for my birthday if your therapist says I'm mental for my Spiritual beliefs. His response..."yeah, well, I thought it might be fun". WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As usual this is one of my way too long messages. I apologise for going on so. I have nobody else to talk to. Thanks for responding.

You didn`t CAUSE his rage. His rage is already collected-up inside of him and always looking for ANY excuse to lash out at someone OR PRETEND to be enraged (to use rage as an excuse, like drunkards who aren't very nice and need to be nasty). Remember: not abusive because he's angry - angry because he's abusive. If he WAS truly angry (although I suspect, deliberate and then indulged-in), whatever it was you said or did probably wouldn't have caused a normal, healthy individual to have batted an eyelid. You'd have just got a normal sentance back. If ANY of what has happened between you and he these last weeks can be called Your Fault then that fault is - YOU BEING A NORMAL HUMAN BEING and (as above example) innocently triggering unreasonable-irrational-hair-triggerable him). And you aren't about to stop being that for anyone! All of this - whether he WAS genuinely (ever-ready to be) angry and made a huge, convenient, but impromptu meal of it, or just creating a cover story/smokescreen ("I'm so angry I've lost control" for what he was (possibly for days or weeks) dying to intimidate you into letting him do and get away with (the idiot find out soon enough) - is simply: his attempt to demote and confidence-crush you further. Until you cease trying to represent and defend yourself, and turn into his automaton-type Slave. End Of.

(Lils, I expect you're realising already - this guy's worse than your Dud. I mean, your Dud IS a Sociopath - proven by the fact he's 'peeling away' or letting Lil Sis peel (same diff)...straight Malig Narcs don't/won't sod-off, stay very much peeled-on). But this guy... Her fave doll was her baby. The closest thing a woman can get to a real baby, is a doll, if it's well-made and realistic enough. And you'd be surprised how very quick and easy it is to become attached, just like a real mum-child relationship. He has NO empathy - to be able to do that. NONE. (Anger be damned, normally - empathy will stop you, even at the last second.) ...None. And he's bloody sadistic. I genuinely want to pulverise him. Do you?)

"(which is true. after 10 years of hearing about his feelings I quite frankly don't give a dam anymore.) " Fairenoughski. And not least because his feelings are mostly always inappropriate and unwarranted (anti polite society) - which, obviously, are now above-the-table where we can see the full extent. And that you DON'T care any more, Trans, is precisely one of the things that show you're above-average slimeproof thus still healthy- and independent-minded. He's turned you RIGHT off! No, I wouldn't care, either. I'd be brimming with resentment that I got 'cleverly' conned into adopting some permanently mean, nasty, pissed-off little 7/8-year-old, aided by the fact his body made him look like your average adult male and the cogitive side him of COULD learn - to do and say adult things. When what I'd wanted and been very clear about having wanted, was a normal, grown-up, overall equal PARTNER. That's what we're dealing with here. He is scared (he's a so-called Vulnerable). Not healthily-emotionally, like OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS PERSON SO MUCH AND THEY'RE GOING TO CHUCK ME. This is more, SH*T, MY VITAL, CUSHY LIVING SET-UP FEELS LIKE IT'S ABOUT TO CRUMBLE! Remember, they can't manage and cope as adults living alone and/or single, not least BECAUSE THEY ARE ADDICTS AND YOU (the whole cush package including the constant power * control over you) ARE THE DRUG. And they have neither the experience nor mental skill (nor confidence) and imagination to know how to survive going Cold Turkey from their addiction (not to their size, anyway!). No still 7/8-year-old could, huh. We're their oxygen as well as their secret funder, social ambassador, emotional toilet, impressions-management No. 1 tool, White noise, etc. They need us too much. Then remember to hate and resent us (pathological-sized) for that fact. And when that amount hits Critical, start to on-off constantly engage that hate in punishing us for it (under excuses). As inevitably, inexorably (just a case of When) causes them to permanently lose us and never see us again. So...neither clever nor stupid, really, for an heavily issue-ridden or psychologically disturbed 7/8-year-old in a (while it must remain hidden - secret,) constant, murderous mood. About right, really. If only the body ceased growing and developing too, eh. We'd have our Early Warning System then! And chucking them out would be (scuse pun) child's play.

"I stayed silent through his rant & when he said you'll cease the stupid dolls NOW & cease the story writing NOW. I piped up & said 'no I wont. not now & not ever no matter what he says' So he jumped off the sofa, picked up my fav doll (I just stared at him) & proceeded to use her to smash the diorama (which I'd just completed & everybody said was beautiful). She broke. I'd had to earn her. No Xmas, No Easter, No Birthday gifts or anything last year. To cover her cost I was told when I'd said I'd like to buy her having seen the doll online. Her head lays on the lounge floor with the diorama stuff spread all around. " You wouldn't ever - EVER - have found yourself in such a nightmare-ishly absurd situation to begin with if your relationship was with the normal, healthy, mature man he'd pretended by-a-mile, until now, to be. Well, anyway, your lawyer will get you damages for that in your divorce settlement (again, take photos of the items and overall scene). But, yep, he's basically behaving like a Grade A lunatic - literally.

This is what (whatever their age) TRUE Bullies are and always were like, Trans. They aren't just mealy-mouthed, bitchy, gossipy, cold-shouldering. They go a million miles further than those upsetting things. Other kids CHANGE SCHOOLS (which is a massive thing for a kid) because of them. And some, as you know, commit suicide. They actually beat you up (at school when they're too young to be arrested for it) until something breaks or bleeds. Break your most important or precious items - yes, with glee (making someone feel terrible makes them happy and oh-so-clever...sick ucks). You can tell they badly wish they could kill you but daren't...and yet neither can STOP that urge...so are basically trying to kill you by emotionally and psychologically (even when it's purely physical) pecking you to death, i.e. until you give up the will to live (*and they're off!) or develop a terminal (stress) disease (and they're off!). (Conning you they're nice and normal enough and love you - yes. Easy to do to someone you despise, isn't it. Taking care of you in your hour of need - er, no.) They're disturbing. For the violence in their hatred and "anger" (that're so intense it's too ridiculous to suppose they didn't pre-exist you and all his girlfriends) and the anger in their violence and hatred and the hatred in the anger and violence... It's the intensity when you look in their eyes. People call them blank or empty, but it's more the fact that the vibe is so abnormally single-elemented. How can something so Out Of Order spend X Years containing 99% seemingly functioning, followed by Y Years containing 70% seeming functioning, then 50, and so-on, all the way to the Reveal (now): Completely, Permanently - Brain Out-Of-Order. You think - how, then, did you manage to PRETEND to be functional and adult? Easy. The difference between them (beyond the permanent nasty mood, I mean) and us normal-healthies is: We Care. Usually about everything and everyone. They Don't. About anyone or anything. But they know that's what it takes to get into the normal-healthies club and lifestyle (which they depend on for in whatever ways leeching off of) so they simply copy the large majority, i.e. Nice Normals, including what they catch off the telly (hence the melodrama, like smashing things when you're supposed to leave that behind in your toddler years!). This guy is a real, live bully. But FAR more immature than the average, I note.

Oh, great, not - just read this bit... "HE found this site & other stuff I'd been doing on line. Not sure how. I shouldn't be here typing this but quite frankly I know longer care if he kills me. I just don't want to exist anymore." Only because you're trapped with him and for as long as you're trapped with him. "I don't know if who I am or how I am was bad enough to earn or warrant this type of behaviour." I repeat: Ran-over his gran-gran in your 4x4, repeatedly. It's nothing to do with earning or deserving. It's what they do. Have to do. Enjoy doing (self-deludedly due to absence of alternative). Because they were or have become seriously psychologically disturbed to the point of having ended up with re-shaped wiring very similar to that of a full-blown, natural-born psychopath's (but not quite). "If I'm so bad for goodness sakes do us all a favour & leave. He wont! Said as much." He won't, because you're not. And even if you were, he wouldn't care anyway. Because this madness is not yours. Nothing to do with you. You're just caught up in it...got in his crosshairs and married into them. You could be and could have been ANY female that even LOOSELY fit the bill (or A bill - and the rest of the elements he'd get from his 'fans' and 'stand-ins'). " I have even less money now. He took all the cards. So I've no options. I do have a social worker appointment on the 3rd June. Perhaps that will achieve something." I'm pretty damn sure it will. And don't let him try to beat you up the night before or anything. Or start fawning, apologising and promising, so you'll change your mind and not go. Remember, you're not going because of anything he's done in the future. But ring them in the meantime to tell them what's happened, if you can, and that he's both conned and cut off your finances. Or a refuge. Or the Police if he dares try that kind OR ANY KIND of nonsense again. Ask whichever of these authorities to help or guide you in getting an appointment with a solicitor. He can't kill you, anyway. Or even physically injure you. This forum is your legally-acceptable witness - as contains the bonus helpfulness of providing the kind of emotional and contextual nuances that are normally too hard to articulate in the moment to a legal representative, using mere dialogue. He'd go MORE than down! He's going down anyway. The one and only thing left for him to do, IF he wants to save himself is, switch back to Dr Jekyll and stay there (and take his rage out on something, somewhere else). And then, agree to part nicely. (And now - since he's snooping - he's got instructions and a warning, which, if in the reading don't wake himself up to himself, and he goes against them, proves him dangerously pathological beyond all reasonable doubt, with all the lovely qualities that come with it to-suit, with which the family court are used to knowing how to deal with and <they have parameters and permitted loopholes) recompense the victim for: financial abuse (presumed long-term), emotional abuse, psychological abuse, violence in the form of intimidation, coercive control de luxe, sadistic cruelty, even. However, that might be the last tip-off I give him because, obviously, every time he acts up, he does you and your solicitor another huge favour. In fact, if you suddenly cease posting on here - e.g. he smashes your device, that'll be the hugest favour of all-COUGH-IPA-COUGH-POLICE. Already, the fact you're literally prevented from being able to move-out, thanks squarely to him, is a form of incarceration (which is big league). I'm pretty certain your lawyer will on the strength of all of this, be able to get you an Injunction and him to move-out. Oh wait - I forgot his third option: leg-it in the night. Easier than busting a gut to act nice again when we all already know he's nothing like nice nor ever could be.)

Same goes for if he tries to start mistreating, or harms, the dog, by the way.

You and the dog need to get out. Not because he's stupid enough to do another nasty thing now we know he's reading. But because it's a horrid, totally toxic situation for you both (or any living, sentient beings!) to be in. CAN YOU GO STAY WITH MUM OR ANYONE - FOR ONE OR HOWEVER MANY NIGHTS? YES OR NO?

"As usual this is one of my way too long messages." They're not my idea of long. They're my idea of short. My own would be 10 times as long if I let me. "I apologise for going on so." Refer to above. "I have nobody else to talk to." Out of interest, when was the last time you did? "Thanks for responding." You're literally welcome, and no need to start feeling vulnerable and precarious again. We are not him. Nothing like. The exact opposite. I therefore could equally keep saying to you, Thank-you so much for coming onto this forum and giving other women (and some men) in your horrid boat a working catharcis, education, instruction leaflet on coping then getting out, and a sense of not being completely and utterly without a posse in this world. Saying that, as we're all voluntary here, we sadly can't be there instantly. But - always When, not if.

PS: I say Lunatic, but, in actual, pinpointed fact, if you think about it, he is acting like a ham-actor in a cheap, trashy, daytime soap, whilst wearing the "facial make-up" of a ham-actor in a cheap, trashy, daytime, horror. Highly Unsophisticated, in other words. Not at all convincing. I mean- I know you SAY his behaviour confuses you, but, that's only your emotional turmoil talking. Rationally, as you show as you go, you know EXACTLY what's what (and not). And that's why he's switched to scraping the barrel in both directions - down and up. Down is the melodrama-horror show. Up is the ridiculously abrupt, without outside causal factor, switch to "let's go do one of your fave things"...and back again. He does NOT know what to do to achieve his stinky aim. (Yeah, he does. Now that I've just spelled out his total options for him.) (He likes binding and gagging? ME TOO!)

Took dog for walk. Came home. Handwritten note on top of smashed doll diorama 'I am Sorry'. Not going to work with me this time. I can't go to Mums. She's in a full on Manic. I don't talk to anybody (except the dog) for days on end. She is a good listener & non judgmental. Hi Lil, I'm sick & tired of myself & my troubles. May I know something anything about you? I fear I am too demanding & taxing on Soulmate (who is as patient as a Saint with me).

ok other site has been shut down for inappropriate conduct? OK They are 12inch Fashion Collector Dolls (very expensive & not barbie). I'm going to disappear now as I feel 'peoplesproblems' think I'm stepping outside of boundaries & breaking rules. My apologies. Bye All.

Hi trans , The other post was probably shut down because we carried on, on this one? Nothing wrong, it’s just easier to stick to one place. I think soulmate would tell you. A hand written note ON TOP of your smashed doll ? Ugh what a d**k. He’s not sorry at all, and narcs never are. A walk was probably good :-) yeah I bet your dog is picking up on what’s going. Well, if you’re ever really bored you can always go and read my thread haha, parents split up? You will see my dad (dud as we call him) is a narc too, and at the mo have very little contact. I hardly ever see him. Let us know you're still here though. I’ve got some reading to do!

Hey Trans, no it wasn't for inappropriate conduct (nooooo), it's just that this is normally what it's for and there isn't a choice for changing the standard statement. It was just that it had served its purpose as a flag-wave* and so was no longer needed as a side-thread. The owner and I are like you - we prefer where possible to keep things straightforward, tidy and orderly within their own threads, that's all. Sorry, I probably should have said over there, but I presumed you'd work out from the fact I was responding here still. "I fear I am too demanding & taxing on Soulmate (who is as patient as a Saint with me)." Have you not checked-out Lily's thread yet? I'm the long-hauler here. And Lily's a veteran poster who knows first-hand what you're going through. So you're not over-taxing me, it literally is just the fact that I'm voluntary (we all are), this isn't my day-job, so seeing and responding instantly isn't usually possible, and you just need to be aware of that and not let the sometimes unavoidable delay from me or Lils make you suffer doubt about your sense of security here. If I did have more time or was able to always spot and respond quickly, I would be. Never mind - all just a misunderstanding - we're still here and aren't going anywhere. :-)

I'll let you respond to Lily now, though. As you can see - any observations I don't have time to spell-out or miss or forget to comment over - Lils naturally tends to. So with her on board, you're even more covered (and he's in even more trouble). :-)

PS: I do appreciate how hypervigilant, small and vulnerable and in need of extra reassurance you are at the mo, though. Perfectly natural and to be expected as a particularly nasty narc's victim wwhen still reeling from the fact that your supposed protector from the monster under the bed has only just recently proven (finally!) to be that very monster himself (and NOT just a moody, irritable git here and there, etc.). Betrayal isn't even the word for it - and so then what happens is you naturally expect it only logical that anyone 'lesser' would find it even EASIER to turn on you or abandon you. Nope. Just him. Normal-healthies don't do those things. He's an emotionally-psychologically sick individual, one of too bloody many, who hide this giant side for as long as it takes to get you adequately hooked enough to get away more and more with letting the monster gradually out, OR, as in your case, who suddenly pull it out in response to the sudden realising or surfacing of proof about how all their prior brainwashing behaviours didn`t work like they should or usually do! You have to appreciate and accept that. Hence, is fake and (according only to the role HE pretended) a romantic relationship betrayer, including takes unilateral decisions, ones that hurt you (because they're intended to), without any checking or informing with you or giving you a day in court like an at least HALF normal, rational person who had been actually HAVING whatever form of human relationship with you would therefore include to do. You're perfectly snug and safe with us. Plus, again, we've been where you are. Horrid, horrid feeling. But do me and yourself a favour: next time you feel like that - like you're precarious with us - just tell either of us (e.g. "I feel wobbly again - is all ok?"). No need to come to a conclusion on your own like you've been doing up there. For starters, you keep being proven wrong, yes? LOL So what would be easiest on all of us is if you were to try to remember to type something like, "Help, I feel like I've done something wrong - have I?", and wait for our reassurance, not, "I obviously have...so now I'm off', LOL. Anyway - back to your response to Lils (we tend to form orderly queues here as well, LOL).

(Sorry Lils - another interruption) Trans, Just while I think of it - for instant response during times we're not around, and to see what help is available regarding your seriously-abused financial welfare and situation (and I'm marking it like this so it stands out during a fast scroll): ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************** ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************** National 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) The National Sexual Assault, Family & Domestic Violence Counselling Line for any Australian who has experienced, or is at risk of, family and domestic violence and/or sexual assault. 24 hours, 7 days a week. www.1800respect.org.au ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************** **********************************************************************************************************************************************************************

I'd already called them. I was gobsmacked to be told they have an age limit for free help, service & advice. I'm too old. 'Believe it or not'. Today I cleaned up the doll mess. I am devastated. Sounds silly over a doll & diorama. Fashion dolls not baby dolls. I'm wondering if others would feel the same as me out there? I can't get past the deliberate destruction or something I fought to acquire & held dear. Even if it was an inanimate object. As I have no support system of friends & family I guess I place too much emphasis on the dolls. Which is one of the things shit head said. I can't get past the face or the words when he was in the act of doing it. I'm not talking. I've been out & avoiding. Live in my room mostly. Honestly without exaggeration I think I'm marred by this big time. He walks past & my stomach is flip flopping. Nausea. Want to vomit. When trust is gone there really is nothing left. Interested if others think I'm over reacting to a doll being smashed. I tried to fix her until 4am with cuts all over my fingers & they were bleeding. The pliers kept slipping. I couldn't do it. I had my next entry (for photo comp) nearly complete. I put it all away today. She was to be the centre point. I could use another doll but my heart isn't really into it. Which means he won! I just can't touch them. I want to cry. I well up but they won't fall. This has really hurt me. PS Social Worker cancelled & needs to re schedule. Today is my Wed Anniversary. It never rains but it pours.

PS yes I've read Lils thread. took hours LOL. i had the time as a bedroom prisoner. F _ _ K the dishes!

I didn't read it all. Just want to make a note. You've done nothing wrong. Your partner is clearly going through something that probably has nothing to do with you. I appreciate your hobbies and your enthusiasm for them. However, I politely suggest that you don't make your romantic partner and your hobbies the only relationships you have. As you start on your next journey I suggest that you widen your social network with more friendships. A few more friends could help you along when it comes to these types of matters.

Hi Trans, just letting you know I'm out all this evening but will endeavour to reply on return later tonight. Hang on in there.

Thanks Broost for your comments. I know this. Easier said than done. I have a medical condition that keeps me home bound a lot. Not an excuse but a fact. Also, I no longer have the confidence to mix with others. Nor the money to spend in leisure pursuits. Such is my lot in life. Tonight, I'm not good. I've made a very real discovery about myself. Having only been physically hurt twice in 20+ years (not badly) well I haven't felt scared for bodily harm. It has been verbal abuse. The other night has left a lasting impression. A very negative one. I'm not myself. I'm harmed mentally. I am talking to myself inside my head. Like just nod in response, say nothing that will tick him off. I am really nervous when he is out of my vision range. Example this very evening I bent to look for something in my collector doll tub. He is on the sofa behind me. I hear his voice in my head 'you keep the doll shit in your room from now on. I don't want to see it'. Then I shut the tub & walk away. When I was packing away a diorama he was on the sofa behind me & I find I'm saying to myself 'where is he? what's he doing? is he angry I'm doing this? don't set him off. watch your words. His eyes look dark. His expression looks grim. I've made him made. Yep he's noticed I'm at the doll stuff. Is he going to come up behind & knife me between the shoulder blades? I am sitting side on now to always have him in my peripheral vision. I can't get the scene the other night out of my head. I'm rattled beyond. My confidence is gone! Love this dog she is not leaving my side BUT he's making negative comments about that so I know it is pissing him off. I'm usually able to put him in his place with a clever quip. I'm usually able to walk away or shut him down. Now I'm sick in the stomach, shaking hands, don't want food, can't relax to sleep. He's increased the anger. His hate doesn't just have a voice anymore. It has intent. When he said he'd make me pay well I thought it was being a wise arse. Smashing my fav doll that I treasured has shown me he means business. So NO Broost. I'm not in a head space to get out & make new friends. I'm not physically feeling strong enough to climb the stairs here to go to the bathroom. I feel weak. I've no energy. I'm afraid. Trust new people? I gave my heart & soul to this person. I NEVER imagined he'd turn on me to this extent. I'm in total shock. Too much, too little, too late. I'll never try again with people. I just want to be left to fuck alone.

I never thought I'd reach this point or become this person but I'm waving a white flag. I surrender. I have no fight left. I want to drink bleach & lay down. Cast this life to the wind. The struggle has all been too much. From childhood to this very evening. What is it all for? I'm tired of battle lines. I'm tired of hard ship. I'm sick of this useless body. I'm over being other people's personal slave. Seriously, enough is enough. I've given out so much love. I get nothing in return. SHIT PEOPLE are my lot in life. I'm a magnet to the disturbed. My Mother, my bro, my sis & the one I've loved. What for? This is NOT A SELF PITY PARTY. This is not an act. This is not a cry for attention. I am NOT playing the victim. I am the f _ _ king victim. It needs to end. Once & for all. Is this karma? Am I reeping what I've sown.

If you are concerned about your own safety you might want to involve the police. This man damaged something that belonged to you. That is malicious destruction of property, a criminal act. You also have the note that says he is sorry which is an admission of guilt. If you are thinking of drinking bleach it is time to call a suicide hotline. The police can involve social services which can help you find a new place to live fast. You are not reaping what you sow. You are involved with a nut.

Trans, when you read my post, you remember reading that when my mum and dad first split up, my mum wasn't herself at all? I was really worried about her and had never seen her like that before. She withdrew from friends, my aunt (her sister), every one, including me (and my bro and sis) so I didn’t feel that close to her. She went to work, but in the evenings and at the weekends she stayed in her room, and I’m sure she had similar depressive, insecure thoughts to what you’re having. You remind me a lot of what she was like. You’re not going to feel like this forever. Things do shift, it’s just really annoying for you that the social worker had to reschedule the appointment. At the time it dragged by sloowly. So when Soulmate gave me homework ❤️, I did it, because it helped move things along a bit and it made me feel better. Getting my aunt involved, printing off articles and leaving them on my dads desk so he’d read them. I even picked him bl**dy flowers (from our garden) and put them on his desk to try and cheer him up. Before they split up my mum was quite shy and sometimes anxious and being married to my dad probably had a lot to do with that. Your partner is worse though, I realise that, I’m still getting my head round the fact that he’s evil enough to smash your fave doll. And no it’s not silly you’re upset. Today, my mums a different person, she’s happy and confident. Handles my dad well when she has to speak to him. she has made a few mistakes and got rid of a couple of toxic ‘friends’. She’s very happily single, and not interested in a new partner (as she keeps telling me). She had to recover first though (obviously). Understanding that your family member is narc is not easy. Sounds like you do try to get out the house and walk your dog which is good, I would keep doing that, when you feel like it, to just get away from him. ATM, no, you’re not in the right mind set to make friends, the right kind of friends will come when you’re ready, usually when you’re well into recovery. Support network is important, so for now this forum is good :-).

Broost, Hi, pleased to meet you - just to quickly let you know that strictly speaking, this is a closed thread between just Trans and myself taking the lead, and now Lily as 'deputy'. Because it's a severe situation with the aim to coach Trans out as unscathed as possible, if there are more than three it'll inevitably become a case of too many cooks spoiling the broth. That said, however, you clearly know what you're talking about and dealing with so - IF Trans is agreeable, I find myself tempted to invite you in as 'side-kick' to Lily (but that will it, please, note everyone else). Are you comfortable with that set-up and stucturing?

Trans, I want you to phone the Social lady back tomorrow and INSIST someone see you and explain why by giving a point-by-point run-down of his cruel abuses to-date, and making her aware of "his faces" and "dark eyes at you" as he used physical violence in front of you (and not for the first time). I don't think this is the case (not least because it's too obvious the Sorry note was in reaction to his having snooped here during your dog-walk - go note the timings and you'll see - proving he's prepared to be sensible), but - allow the woman to 'spot the Red Flag' to do with increasing or sudden onset of violence. And don't tell her Fashion Dolls, just DOLLS...let her assume like I did that he smashed the head of an artificial but very lifelike BABY. Put yourself on her priority list in other words. If that doesn't work, I want you to phone your local Police Station and ask to speak to their Domestic Violence Unit. I'll help you sooth your shock and emotions tomorrow. I feel bad saying that but, I've had a long day and then been out on the town and can barely keep my eyes open so I wouldn't be much use to you and would be selling you short. Till tomorrow then. Try to get a good night's sleep....lock or put a wedge under your door from the inside, or stick the back of a chair under the knob. I repeat, I don't think he's stupid enough to try to come into your room uninvited, not after having snooped here and read what I put, but what's important so that you can re-charge properly is you knowing the room is safe. Night-night.

(Cheers Lils - and Broost)

I do appreciate each persons time, attempts to help & thoughts. However, I do not know the people I'm talking to nor their qualifications (if any). I am not a guinea pig in your experiment. I am not here to be strangers case study. My heartache was not supposed to have the purpose of supporting others desires to become psychologists (Counsellors/Therapists or whatever). This matter is very private. Very personal. I was hoping for genuine caring &/or possible online friendship. Not all aboard the weak, pathetic, victims train. Ironically, this is starting to sound like I'm becoming the main character in a book which I didn't sign on for. I've given so much fodder no doubt a best seller. I'm now wondering what will become of my life's story recorded here? Is my situation being analysed? Are my messages being used as notes? Have I become a Case Study? Perhaps now my life is the thesis for a research paper? Am I inadvertently helping strangers career ambitions here? That is what it is starting to sound like. I thought this forum was a safe chat place. My intention was never to become a burden on other people's time or life. Somebody to be passed on or over to others to scrutinize, evaluate or critique. It is like I'm being re gifted. No doubt this message will have me analysed as Paranoid. No thank you.

Er... Trans, I asked your permission. I was expecting either a simple 'yes' or 'no I'd rather not'? No to all the above. We're just helpful people on a forum. And my reason for having asked if Lily could join was so that your chances of being responded to more swiftly would be increased, that's all (particularly as you're a different time-zone to us). Same, now, for Broost. ********* Sorry, Broost, but I'll have to ask you to abstain. ********* So what do you want to do from here, Trans? Is anything going to be able to work if you find it too hard to trust us?

I have to be honest, though: "I was hoping for genuine caring &/or possible online friendship." First and foremost this forum (plenty of members of whom are retired therapists or people who've been in your shoes, fyi) is to help people solve and deal with their personal problems. Genuine caring comes with it, yes, but it's not really intended as a social scene. If friendships result, that's up to each individual member (and they take their conversation to the chatroom). What are your own intentions in regards to your fauxlationship? I'm assuming you realise the whole set-up is no longer viable and that you need to be working towards extricating yourself - hence your having arranged that appointment with your Social Services? Or are you not at all ready for that and literally just need company while you stay and endure more? I mean, if that is the case then this thread becomes open to all again - which is how this normally works (poster posts - all or any members and visitors post in reply). ?

I'm in a bad way. I'm going to vomit. Tonight is enough. I think I am going to kill myself. I just can't take any more character assassinations. I've just been brow beaten & crucified verbally for over an hour. I truly need out of here. I've NEVER felt such hatred. I don't know how to cope. I can't do this.

I don't know what is real anymore.

I'm the ABUSER!

I'm not capable of love.

I just want to take a moment to apologise for my previous outburst. I am distraught. I am angry. Now I'm taking it out on others. Biting the hand which feeds me. Well Done Trans. Anyway, I talked later this evening to a Therapist & we are going to try to find me a place of my own. It will take a few weeks. Tonight He was particularly cruel. He had a tape recorder which he was saying untrue things into. Giving the time & date. Like she just physically abused me. Squeezing my cheeks really tightly & getting close up to my face etc. Says he's been setting little tests up for weeks & recording me to have evidence of my verbal & tonight physical abuse. What really happened was he raved on at me for ages. Saying I deserved the doll smashing. (clearly the I am Sorry note wasn't meant) and then telling me that I challenged him to do it. Literally goaded him. Dared him. As if I would! I endured 1.5 hours of non stop personality assassination. He didn't come up for air. Quite the feat. When he finally finished I crossed the room, gently pulled his face towards mine & planted a kiss on his head. (that was my physical violence) I said 'if this is what you believe then I guess it must be true but I have loved you'. Then I took myself to my room. I'm a shattered soul & I beg for forgiveness from the people who have tolerated me thus far.

I forgot earlier today he was laughing at a movie. Super jovial. He begged me to come to the shops with him. He asked me to help him choose an exercise bike & help him carry it (I am not supposed to carry heavy things). He then got home & started on at me. He also said the date & time into the recorder and stated that I stole money out of his bank account. The fool within me thought he'd offer to buy me a new doll. Nope.

Speaking for myself - don't worry so much, I'm used to it. And at least you realised and apologised (and that's the brain function you've got that he hasn't). You're distraught. That's it. No-one that's distraught tends to be that non-stop pretty, eh. "Na warries, Mite!". And anyway, if I'd taken you seriously instead of given you time to see if you'd calm down, or given you a mouthful back, his cunning little plan would have worked, wouldn't it! It's the psychological version of spilling Red wine down your one-and-only party dress seconds before you walk out the door to meet "the gals". See it? And can you see anything in the timing? Maybe we need a Codeword? Something I can type to remind you (now you know) that this is one of their many Isolation tactics to round-the-houses spoil your support system(s), something that would bring you down to earth again fairly instantly? I can't think of anything, but it should be personal to you if it's to work. Do you want to choose something? Now, then - these character assassinations. They can't hurt you if you remember they're not only bollocks - guaranteed! - but also tend 9.9 times out of ten, deliberately THE VERY OPPOSITE of what and who you are. Can you try and do that and just say, "If you say so" and "I'm sure you're right" and "Yes, dear" (or better yet - walk away to another room or out for a stroll)? I mean, please trust me on this: He wants his words to shock and offend TEN OUT OF TEN (he's both lazy and in a hurry - he wants YOU to leave). What better way for these creeps to score the full 10 than to accuse their victim of all the things that ACTUALLY AREN'T in her nature (because you never feel like being/doing them, or keep them completely unexpressed)? OH, THE INJUSTICE (and that hurts). The precise insults he CHOOSES - they're Projection. They're like the streaming Greenies his plague causes to run out of his and all narcissists' nostrils. Just an involuntary, disease symptom. Try to draw a parallel here between how you rose to his bait, made it yours (by bothering to wonder if he really meant them) and passed it (or the anger) on, here, but yet I didn't rise to it and just gave you a perfectly chill but uncomoplicated response. I did that because (1) I 100% KNOW what you were levelling at us wasn't true and therefore you couldn't mean it, (2) I don't panic when unfairly or incorrectly accused (I just walk off somewhere and wait for the person to calm down), (3) I was already clued-up to the fact you were probably about due to blow a gasket, (4) I couldn't be arsed (it's effing hot here!), and (5) SINCE you calming down and seeing sense was inevitable, had I full-out argued it would have inevitably later proved to have been a total waste of energy that could be going to more useful things. That's what you need to do. Detach some. Because, I'll say it again: If you were Jesus Christ hisandherself (my own theory - ignore), then Bozo would have had to have accused you of being - yes, you've guessed it - The Devil. In order to get a huge rise out of you. The other element to it is this: I know it seems easier for your mind to process and reconcile the simpler, easier equation of, your (unbeknownst even to you) being the horrid one than it is to believe the (er) person you married has just revealed himself to be seriously psychologically disturbed (enough to make him have to be a romantic conman in order to get a host) and managed to hide it from you. But, no, it's not. He's ill, and the illness is such that their behaviour affects as Evil, by whatever degree. I was told, "Why are you still working on that stupid forum!" (This, despite I'd included it in our initial, mutual, verbal 'contract' of how living together would work. His acceptance that this was part of my day, had been a lie. He'd have said ANYTHING to get his feet under my table. Anything. (And did.) (You can't draw up agreements with a lying loon.) (This was back in 2012 btw.) He continued - "None of those stupid people CARE about you or appreciate you. They're not GRATEFUL. You don't ACHIEVE anything...". I was shocked, but said - "I don't do it for my ego - that would get very boring very quickly. I do it so I don't have guilt (over always failing to take whatever action I as an individual can) to lump on top of my eternal despair over the amount of evil in the world (and quoted, "For evil to prevail takes just a few good men to do nothing") because I refuse to be a lifelong victim of the trouble-makers and evil-doers out there. But THANKS for the heads-up over the fact that despite these past years spent virtually in each other's pockets, you have come to know and understand NOTHING about me and what motivates me, despite it's been constantly for too long spelled-out for you. And thanks ALSO for educating me over the fact that, if YOU do something selfless, it's actually not. It's you trying to feed your ego - which is why you think it must be the same for me, like that selfish attitude is the norm". This, his tactic at the time, is known is Spiritual Abuse btw. Didn't work on me. NOTHING he threw at me worked on me (but I still had to fend off what should never have featured - and that was what mattered over everything). It couldn't work because, by then, I knew what he was and thus WHY it was DELIBERATE bollocks he chose (- his illness) - because he/his illness was trying to get me to enter the boxing-ring. But because he had nothing on me, he had no other option than to scrape the bottom of the provocations barrel in his bid to make me give up something that makes me Me and spend the time and effort on a MUCH better cause (him). You are THEIR golden goose/slave, they don't want to share you with ANYONE. Your monster's grown desperate. So he's lowered himself even further. But these carrot chunks have no meaning or basis to them and never do. They're just carrot chunks (in your face). Which is merely and purely and solely because: carrot chunks (in your face) seem to work on you. *shrug* So next time when he starts - remove your face. (Well, I know it's difficult but try to remember.) If what he'd said HADN'T worked to upset you - next he'd have tried accusing you of being a secret Nazi or something - trust me on that. I tell ya! - mine tried to have a go at me (to distract me from my questioning regarding his latest 'crime') over the 'fact' that, although I HADN'T ever cheated on him, I *COULD*, IF I WANTED, CHEAT ON HIM SOME TIME IN THE FUTURE! (That was when I realised the EXTENT of his disturbance - as you can imagine...someone (seemingly) attempting to hang you for something you COULD or MIGHT do in the future? You can't GET more uber-desperate and contriving than that! But, then, nothing else had worked, you see, and he couldn't exactly just say - "I want an argument, so I can wear you down, right now!", could he.) We've all been there, and all kicked ourselves for ever, even once, having risen to their ludicrous bait. Which we shouldn't, because we can't help having off days when we're too tired, or poorly...just not our usual strong self. BUT... THAT IS WHAT CAN HAPPEN TO TIP YOU OVER THE EDGE IF, ADDITIONALLY, YOU, THE VICTIM, ARE STILL FIGHTING ACCEPTANCE OF THE FACT THAT HE *IS* MORALLY, EMOTIONALLY, ANYTHINGUSEFULALLY *INSANE*. And Anti-Relationship. And (because he's mental) you were just his job. You're arguing with and taking things said to-heart from a Mental Patient (who just hasn't been diagnosed and kept away from decent folk). Here he is, look (watch the whole compilation): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpNV4XVQ3ps&list=PLsWWjDpfrBROs9cu2bPo_dhnHwEd-slOs&index=4 ************* Anyway, back to biz... this is SUPERB news: "Anyway, I talked later this evening to a Therapist & we are going to try to find me a place of my own. It will take a few weeks." WONDERFUL!!! How pleased and relieved are you out of 10? (I'll deal with his bollocks specifics in the next post.)

First I want you to realise that his speech about having been secretly recording you all this time is desperate, freshly made-up bollocks. And it is in direct retaliation to my having said that this thread is court-acceptable evidence. That gave him the idea. But his missive is: I (Soulmate) am dangerous because I keep you grounded and shielded from his attempt to make you Slaviepoos. He wants me and this forum out of your life. But I'm not in his control. Only you are. See? The attempt to beat you up verbally again was to strip you of the drive/care/energy to continue staying connected to us, here. Or, if not quite the bullseye - to put you into such a bad mood that it inevitably spilled out over the proceedings and put a problem into "our relationship". Either/or. See it? Well, his daddy is NOT bigger than my daddy. My daddy is HIS daddy's daddy. But you've gotta let Mummy's Wickle Soldier have his wickle boo-hoo tantwum - or his wickle head might expwode!

Try REALLY HARD to from now on see him as a physically over-large 7 to 8 year old. And to see these so-called torture attempts for what they are: the sorts of things a 7 to 8 year old in a spoiled-baby mood would think to do. DEFINITELY not - ever - ever-ever - the sort of behaviour you see from a proper, mature, rational, reasonable, normal, healthy man.

And now this thread testifies to something else: his retaliation attempt. Meaning, even if he DID begin taping you - it could no longer, WOULD no longer work because we've got it and the reason for it on-record. Oops, foiled again. But it means another fake tantrum beat-up attempt so - stay out of his way as much as humanly possibly until that appointment. Even if it means you spending the daytimes at your mum's. But just...avoid him like the plague (fitting!) and, if you want, refuse to even speak. He doesn't deserve being spoken to. This is The Silent Treatment and it's BONA FIDE, JUSTIFIED usage. When someone is trying to hurt and needle you, you are allowed to avoid them because it's you protecting yourself - which is your first and foremost duty on this planet.

OMG I hadn't read this yet! "I crossed the room, gently pulled his face towards mine & planted a kiss on his head. (that was my physical violence) I said 'if this is what you believe then I guess it must be true but I have loved you'. Then I took myself to my room." GENIUS! Ah, you DO feel better! Great :-)

Now keep in mind how he has to lure you closer to him (by asking/offering favours as if he's back to his "normal" self) so that he caaaan SMASH YOU IN THE FACE AGAIN! Which means you're too far out of reach. Good. Stay there. And please feel very proud for having had that conversation with the Therapist. You've no idea how many women at your early stage just haven't got it in them to do that. It feels huge and intimidating. Your balls are WAY bigger than his!

But then - you ain't only 7 or 8, are ya. LOL (Tsk. Note to self: stop forgetting, stop forgetting, stop forgetting) (See? I have trouble too, keeping hold of the weird truth.)

"The fool within me thought he'd offer to buy me a new doll. Nope." It's perfectly natural to hold the ingrained, automatic expectation that "what goes up must come down" - or in his case, what goes down must come up. Just not with him. Because he is not natural. Dealing with "not natural" is NOT something you're used to. And neither is foolishness to blame for having forgotten for a second that he doesn't work in those normal ways. Or, forgotten for a second to remember, I should say. Habits like that do take practise to break. But at least you got another expectation dashed, another reminder, another STING to help you remember and make it EASIER (thanks to what little love is left thanks to this latest chunk getting kicked-out of you) to FACE remembering, next time. It's all good in the hood. :-)

Here, take a look at Shoveband as an old geezer - and appreciate the bullet you're getting to dodge: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REDfFUpZUrw

Thank You Soulmate from the bottom of my heart. Sincere gratitude. You didn't deserve my rudeness. I am crying without able to stop now. That which would not fall is now dribbling down without my consent. I hate it because he has noticed my weakness. He came up to me (I literally shuddered), put his arms out (I recoiled) & said 'need a hug?' I said 'no thank you. not from you'. I went back to my room.

OH...I'm disappointed now in myself as a person for forgetting to say... THANK YOU SOULMATE for confiding in me a bit about yourself & your own negative experience. It made it less me talking to a computer & more me talking to an intelligent, caring friend. Which I needed. You are very selfless. I admire that great trait. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry I've been so full of myself that I forgot to acknowledge this effort on your part to help me understand & appreciate where you're coming from. Kudos. You are clearly a Tower of Strength which is something I greatly admire!

I have also been remiss not to acknowledge & state how I understand you have a full life of your own & are not my baby sitter. I appreciate your time spent on me away from your life. Congrats by the way - you clearly found a SOULMATE. He must be something special! I'm jelly LOL

I just did a trial as requested by my Therapist. As He is playing tape record games we are going to do a test for the purpose of showing me how I am under his control. He told me I am NOT TO DO DOLLS OR DIORAMAS ANYMORE OUT OF RESPECT FOR HIM & TO PROVE MY LOVE. He better not see them in front of him in the lounge room anymore. There has been a quarter completed diorama in the nook sitting for many days since before the smash doll & smash other diorama event. I've wanted to go near it. I've wanted to get my other doll out to replace the broken one. BUT I hate to admit weakness – I was too afraid to do so. Today he was in the kitchen so I started work on the diorama. I was so sick in the stomach with nerves. Quite Spookily he stuck his head around the corner & saw what I was doing. He came into the loungeroom & stood stock still only a few feet from me. I noted his jaw was jutted out, his eyes seemed darker, his teeth were clenched. Things I've noticed several times before. An indication to me that shit is about to go down. The head shakes side to side. I told you out of respect for me no more dolls & dioramas in this room. Actually no more dolls full stop. If you truly loved me. Which you clearly don't. Then this would not be taking place. YOU DO NOT RESPECT ME. YOU DO NOT RESPECT MY FEELINGS. YOU DO NOT LOVE ME. YOU ARE EVIL. Response: I am not evil. You are being ridiculous. You know I have only this nook made to measure for the displays. You know I started this one many days ago before you broke my other one. It has sat incomplete. Now I planned it months ago & I have spent a lot of money on the props. I've put time & effort into the fashions. I intend to go ahead with it. NOT TO HURT ANYBODY. Only because I've done my chores, I've made dinner in advance & this is sitting here looking at me waiting to be completed. I do love my dolls. I do not love my dolls more than you. That is ridiculous. Him: UNBELIEVABLE! YOU ARE BEYOND HURTFUL & SELFISH. All I asked is no more dolls in front of my face. Also, I asked you to prove your love by no more dolls full stop & you can't do it. Well you could do it but you won't. (I noted his stiffened body as he turned on his heals & went out the back courtyard) (He slammed the door duly noted. A subtle way to let me know I'm in big trouble now). I am worried about what is going to follow.

He is totally unravelling. I am now being threatened. All my dolls are now being threatened. He is grinning (evily) & mocking me. Promising destruction of my property. Accusations flying that I'm a thief stealing money, a master manipulator with the Game, a doll obsessed mental case. All because I was picking up items to work on a diorama. He is holding metal pieces of the exercise bike & pointing at me. Waving wildly. Saying I assaulted his face last night. I feel like he may hit me. So I'm backing off. He says he has a counsellor, recordings of my mental state & intends to use them. He just called me Amber Heard.

God asked Abraham to Sacrifice His Son to Save All Of US! I'm not super religious. I'm just comparing this to my evening. He says (crying!) Look all I'm asking is you acknowledge that you love the GAME & those DOLLS more than me? I've been overlooked for ages. You challenged me over the dolls. So I broke one to show you i'm serious. The most expensive and your fav to teach you a lesson. When I say I'll do something rest assured I'll go through with it. In a sense it was your fault. Then you stole my dogs affection away also. What I'm asking is something you should automatically give. Respect me & my feelings which you've hurt immensely. Give up the GAME (never mention it again) & Give up the DOLLS (so I don't ever have to see them again) & please DON'T MOVE OUT stay with me. Firstly I am shocked by the tears which seemed sincere Secondly I feel he rules this place. I rarely get to choose a TV show (he hogs every night so I go to the dolls sometimes not always). His shit is everywhere! I barely have any table space. He collects. So there is 18 Beta Fish in separate bowls. There are 2 large fish tanks with Hermit Crabs. There are his DVD Collections. His book Collections. His breeding tank ready for new fry when the weather warms up again. There are his plants he's germinating from seeds. Outside is frost right now which will kill them. What is a table? I no longer know. He took up 2. So I purchased a small fold away one for myself & told him it was for doll diorama prep and my gingerbread baking at Xmas not for his stuff. You guessed it! He used that one also. I have 1 foot on the end available (my computer laptop just fits). Now these days I'm a kid in my room for both space & peace. Thirdly The Game (which I've pretty much given up on & can't bring myself to write anymore) & the Dolls are my only interest & outlet. I enter my dioramas in Fashion Doll Photo comps. They take weeks to organise & set up. I've won a few prizes over the years. I DO LOVE THEM TOO MUCH! LATELY IF I'M COMPLETELY HONEST...MORE THAN HIM! It is because they bring a fantasy world away from stress, strife & trouble. I can live vicariously through them. Perfect face, perfect body & great fashions. I LOVE ACTING WELL I DID! I LOVED WRITING WELL I DID (the Game) & I LOVE MY FASHION DOLLS. I can't work due to serious health issues & they bring me joy. Forth I LOVE THE DOG but I'm told to ignore it from now on. I should not talk to it & not give it treats anymore. HE SAYS THIS MAY MAKE HER LIKE HIM AGAIN! Accused of stealing her from him. He's given her so many treats today I think she may burst.

SHIT JUST HIT THE FAN AGAIN. BIG TIME. The Sister sent me messages via FB. He & she exchanged Text message. I am declared by all LOONEY needs serious therapy &/or to be locked away. They are currently laughing on the phone together as I type this.

One hour later they are still LAUGHING together on the phone TRAITOR I'm better off on my own in this world I've been treated like shit

1.5HOURS LATER STILL CHATTING ON THE PHONE, NICE AS PIE, HAVING A GOOD LAUGH, MY DAYS & NIGHTS HAVE BEEN TORTURE ROUND OF APPLAUSE STANDING NOVATION TAKE A BOW PAIR OF THEM CURTAINS FINALLY CLOSING

Heya! Let me catch up... I'll read the entire update in-one before responding, in case of any sudden changes...

"Thank You Soulmate from the bottom of my heart. Sincere gratitude. You didn't deserve my rudeness." Yeah, I know. And I knew it at the time. What, you think you're the first DefCon-ed customer on here? Ha-ha. So if I took everything personally, I'd be dead by now! LOL But I can't be taking the time to say, By the way, expect to possibly have a huge reaction next Tuesdee, can I? If I did that (if I even had time!), your blow-out wouldn't have been as big and authentic as it needed to be. You NEED to be disturbed. You NEED to feel traumatised. It's only going through this process of (lessening) pain that is going to get you your Anti-Slime Suit. You SHOULD have been warned - via a proper parent-to-kid sit-down talk or series of - against slime as you hit puberty, but....parentally neglected, innit. So your only other, remaining option on the life choice menu for that particular course, is DOING THE PRACTICAL. You're at the Grammar School of the School of Life. And because the course is overdue, it's a crash-course (that's why under your diaphram hurts - it's actually a 'diverted' symptom of mental overwhelment and overwork). "I am crying without able to stop now. That which would not fall is now dribbling down without my consent. I hate it because he has noticed my weakness." What he identifies as a weakness normal, healthy, decent people consider a strength (think about it). Who gives a flying duck what some mental patient mis-thinks and mis-identifies! (- bloody everything as far as I can tell). "He came up to me (I literally shuddered), put his arms out (I recoiled) & said 'need a hug?' I said 'no thank you. not from you'. I went back to my room." Well, then, you're a more self-controlled and dignified person than I, Gunga-Din because at that point, after everything, I WOULD have said - Now I KNOW you're fruit ucking loopy!...P*ss-off you "beeping beeper"! Are you related to Margaret Thatcher or something?! Well anyway - Gold Star (thlup!). :-) (This was fine as a separate entity but, let me go read the rest.)

I'm bloody relieved to hear you had a really good cry, though. Good sign (thumbs-up)! Just doesn't feel like it at the time. But, then....neither does childbirth or ANY re-creation. (insert Ahh-ahh-aaahhhh angel muzak lol)

Reading your next: Well, then, we seem to have a bit of a mutual appreciation society going on, don't we. :-) (I just said I'd read it one go but here I am again, going post by post. MIND YOU, I suspect that's the better way because then I'm literally riding the rollercoaster with you, more 'as it happens'. I'll carry on, then, and if you just bear that in mind and bear with as I go...)

"Congrats by the way - you clearly found a SOULMATE. He must be something special! I'm jelly LOL" Who must - huh? Sorry, I think there's a case of crossed wires somewhere? I'm single and celibate and BLOODY LOVING IT! Anyway... Translation: "Response: I am not evil. You are being ridiculous. You know I have only this nook made to measure for the displays. You know I started this one many days ago before you broke my other one. It has sat incomplete. Now I planned it months ago & I have spent a lot of money on the props. I've put time & effort into the fashions. I intend to go ahead with it. NOT TO HURT ANYBODY. Only because I've done my chores, I've made dinner in advance & this is sitting here looking at me waiting to be completed. I do love my dolls. I do not love my dolls more than you. That is ridiculous. Him: UNBELIEVABLE! YOU ARE BEYOND DOMINATING!!! (AND I'VE BEEN SO HARD AT BULLYING, THIS IS STARTING TO BORE AND WEAR *ME* OUT!)

Confession: I was secretly pleased and relieved you sort-of spat the dummy. I couldn't do a thing with you if you didn't have that size of fight in you. That particular 'flavour' you displayed told me this: you're a human dynamo. Bozo there doesn't realise that the more a person beats you, the more angry and energetic you get and the worse they're making it for themselves because YOU'RE A LONG HAULER. And so is your justice! He's just (stupidly) frantically putting 10 Pence after 10 Pence into one of those Test Your Punch machines that refuses to activate, little realising that, without warning, a zillion punches are going to strike his face at-once. ("This Parrot is deceased! He is an Ex-Parrot!...") (You getting this, Bozo?)

I mean, to me who knows the truth of how the overriding majority of these fauxlationships always works out (When, not If) - and what's going to happen based on what's been going on - it's just an alternative attempt on his part to commit suicide or ruination! (Same thing, really.) He really should just pee off and cut his losses. Save himself.

"He is totally unravelling. I am now being threatened. All my dolls are now being threatened. He is grinning (evily) & mocking me. Promising destruction of my property. Accusations flying that I'm a thief stealing money, a master manipulator with the Game, a doll obsessed mental case. All because I was picking up items to work on a diorama. He is holding metal pieces of the exercise bike & pointing at me. Waving wildly. Saying I assaulted his face last night. I feel like he may hit me. So I'm backing off. He says he has a counsellor, recordings of my mental state & intends to use them. He just called me Amber Heard." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! NO! TOO FUNNY! (Him, not you.) I mean - if that were true about his having a counsellor and recordings of your mental state and intending to use them based on ANY belief whatsoever that they are damning of YOU.... then why the eff the need for all this schoolyard bullying in the interim? Shouldn't he just be sitting, smugly, knowing that he's going to "finish you"? ((That's called a Gotcha, you fick fake!)) (I've decided to do double brackets when I'm talking to him) (it) Also - so where then is his solicitor? What - no mention of the professional that his little cache of brilliant evidence requires in order to put into effect? Or does he think a therapist does that too? (He's down to 6 years old at the moment.)

BY THE WAY - IF HE TRIES ANYTHING,...IF YOU EVEN *THINK* HE'S GOING TO GET AGGRESSIVE (INCLUDING 'JUST' VERBALLY) - JUST PHONE THE POLICE. It's one of the things they're there for (particularly lately - and don't they know it after Lockdown!)

"God asked Abraham to Sacrifice His Son to Save All Of US! I'm not super religious. I'm just comparing this to my evening. He says (crying!) Look all I'm asking is you acknowledge that you love the GAME & those DOLLS more than me? I've been overlooked for ages. You challenged me over the dolls. So I broke one to show you i'm serious. The most expensive and your fav to teach you a lesson. When I say I'll do something rest assured I'll go through with it. In a sense it was your fault. Then you stole my dogs affection away also. What I'm asking is something you should automatically give. Respect me & my feelings which you've hurt immensely. Give up the GAME (never mention it again) & Give up the DOLLS (so I don't ever have to see them again) & please DON'T MOVE OUT stay with me. Firstly I am shocked by the tears which seemed sincere" Someone capable of sincere tears after everything that's gone on up till now, is someone-anyone who would have found the mere thought of SEVERELY bullying their unwell wife total ANATHAMA so - no, they are not sincere. But, certainly "SEEMED" is the truth. They're ALL about "seemed". Someone capable etc., is someone-anyone who would not then BLAME said victim for the ridiculously inappropriate, frankly downright mental, assault campaign. NOT sincere. ...All I see is the typical, HIGHLY characteristic Narc speech from the typical Narc script from the typical (domestic) Narc screenplay. For the Nth time. I'll show you all the typicals: "Secondly I feel he rules this place." CHECK! Well, of course. "DOM-IN-A-TOR". Does what it says on the tin. (He's an abuser-bully because, even more than those two, he's a Dominator.) "I rarely get to choose a TV show (he hogs every night so I go to the dolls sometimes not always)" (CHECK!). Very common. They force you into having to do something or something else and then blame you for having had to do that something or something else. It doesn't need to make sense, it just needs any label that DOESN'T read: I'm getting another anger wave so I'm gonna pick the easiest thing to bring to mind as my excuse (the opposite of yesterday's rule). And the reason for the anger wave is - YOU FAILED TO FALL TO THE FLOOR IN DEFEAT, INSTEAD MADE LEMONADE OUT OF THE LEMON HE FORCED ON YOU! Have you no idea how frustrating that is for him? (due to the fact he's set to Twisted)? "His shit is everywhere! I barely have any table space." (CHECK!) He Master (ain't no equal partnering in his world). You Slave. Slaves don't get to choose what telly programme. Slaves are there to make HIM happy and uck them, they can shove their needs (or alternatively he really has no concept of other people being sentient). (The jury is still out on which type is worse between the aware-and-deliberate versus unaware-and-can't-help-puking.) "He collects." (CHECK!) (Always stupid or weird things.) "So there is 18 Beta Fish in separate bowls. There are 2 large fish tanks with Hermit Crabs. There are his DVD Collections. His book Collections. His breeding tank ready for new fry when the weather warms up again. There are his plants he's germinating from seeds. Outside is frost right now which will kill them. What is a table? I no longer know. He took up 2. So I purchased a small fold away one for myself & told him it was for doll diorama prep and my gingerbread baking at Xmas not for his stuff. You guessed it! He used that one also. I have 1 foot on the end available (my computer laptop just fits). Now these days I'm a kid in my room for both space & peace." Yes. They can't gain satisfaction and stimulation from romantic, familial, and social ties/relationships because they either lack or have lost the social umbilicus for connecting and enjoying being bonded to other people (it dropped-off because the acted character - the shield (from his childhood) behind which he (stupidly still) lives his (no longer childhood) life behind - that he has for too long presented as him - didn't ever need it (use it or lose it). You insult an act, thinking you're insulting the person? That actor isn't going to care nor feel even an Nth of a sting, is he. He gets to insult the real you, but you, unawares, don't. See under the act to the real person and insult HIM however!.... But, define 'insult', because we also have that twisted and paranoid thinking element in his condition added in...I could go on...). Upshot: all that's left is STUFF. And money. And MORE stuff (because the first lot didn't quite do it for him). And MORE money (ditto). And MORE stuff....and repeat. Oh, and (angrily/meanly) toying with people and their feelings (to feel a burst of cleverness and catharcism, when it actually just proves they're thick (logic twisted)). Ooh. I say, though. What a lot of stuff. Fave things, as well. Like you and your dolls. (Noted.) (Oh boy, he likes to take risks and leave himself wide open, doesn't he!) (That noted, too.) What's interesting, though, is that so much of it is live creatures (and not dead yet!). Yet not exactly sentient or of similar intelligence enough for any interaction or exchange. More fitting for a 10-12 year-old, really. ...And the fact he has books. Does he actually read them? Or only start and never finish? Or are they to impress guests? It sounds like a little KINGDOM, almost, doesn't it? Does he, would you say, act fond of these creatures or - fond of them as possessions/objects that give HIM? "Thirdly The Game (which I've pretty much given up on & can't bring myself to write anymore)" Edit: to write at the moment. Understandable. Your mind knows that you need to guard that and every other, now, extraneous energy - for the battle you're in. Evidently, his doesn't (mwack-mwack!). "& the Dolls are my only interest & outlet. I enter my dioramas in Fashion Doll Photo comps. They take weeks to organise & set up. I've won a few prizes over the years. I DO LOVE THEM TOO MUCH! LATELY IF I'M COMPLETELY HONEST...MORE THAN HIM! It is because they bring a fantasy world away from stress, strife & trouble. I can live vicariously through them. Perfect face, perfect body & great fashions. I LOVE ACTING WELL I DID! I LOVED WRITING WELL I DID (the Game) & I LOVE MY FASHION DOLLS. I can't work due to serious health issues & they bring me joy." Yes. And they're very cleverly and resourcefully chosen, may I say. "Forth I LOVE THE DOG but I'm told to ignore it from now on. I should not talk to it & not give it treats anymore. HE SAYS THIS MAY MAKE HER LIKE HIM AGAIN! Accused of stealing her from him. He's given her so many treats today I think she may burst." Do not obey this ridiculous order and bring back to mind the fact that this person is not the boss of you, and that if he tries to coerce or force you into doing such childish, twisted bidding - YOU PHONE THE POLICE, explaining that you find yourself feeling too scared not to obey his command in case he crosses the line and actually becomes violent (which you keep expecting), but that, now he's picking on the dog and your relationship with it - your only source of comfort right now - that is just too much for you, he's gone too far, so now you're finally calling them for help. And you include to tell them about all that has been going on since he 'came out of the closet'. And you can show them this thread. (Was that a suspicion-based Freudian on my part - the closet bit??) You never told me who Adrian was? This guy feels partly contrived to me. I need more data. Would you mind describing the story of yours and his sex-life in terms of how you'd rate it has evolved?

(Tsk! How you'd rate it AS IT HAS evolved) PS: "You challenged me over the dolls. So I broke one to show you i'm serious. The most expensive and your fav to teach you a lesson." Yeah... Know the problem... Reminds me of the other day at the supermarket, when this old granny dared challenge me over the last shopping trolley so I broke her walking-stick to show her how serious I was - that I come first, second and third and she comes nowhere - and teach her a lesson for not having known that, not having smelt my obvious superiority. Yeah... just your typical day for this self-made, God-complexed, despotic ruler, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to see here... I alone am king amongst peasants, including her, after all....I can do whatever I like, when I like, to whom I like, how I like, and eff the so-called rules and what all the poor, stupid, goodie-two-shoeses out there do... He knows full well that's not how things work. He's just desperate to have you convinced that IS how he - and, secretly, the rest of the world - believes things should work and, because he might do this/that to you, you'd better just go along with it for your own emotional and/or physical safety, including your avoidance of the injury known as the end of your (er) relationship. It's all just, Live your life horribly contorted from now on or I'll duff you up again like I just did. Like the Police somehow don't exist or somehow wouldn't come to your aid with their Blues 'n Twos. Or - more like - you wouldn't ever have the bravery to ring them. Bet you would. And if he's trying switching to the pity ploy and fawning (albeit not very well as he seems to be stuck halfway between that and angry despot, still). He doesn't seem to know WHAT to do. He's fluffing it.

((Yeah, that's right, mate - next, we're going to rate you in bed and hopefully dissect your performance as well. You like powerlessness and inequality? You gottit - with fries up both your nostrils. You should have kept your head down, eh.))

The Loonies have declared you're the loony one? Well, AAAAAAAL-RIGHTY, THEN! What would you say to that if you were a psychiatrist and they were patients in the psychiatric ward you worked at? Their whole missive and functionality is wrong. Were the whole of humanity to adopt their way, we as a species would very quickly render ourselves extinct. Our whole missive and functionality is correct. The overriding majority of humanity's adoption of this way, is the reason we have survived, thrived and conquered as a specie. Game, Set and Match. Tell them you're not interested in the opinions of a couple of mad-agenda ridden, loony tune bullies, who are simply too desperate to dominate you and need to knock you onto the floor first in order to do so. You'd HAVE to be mad. Or better yet, just know that and ignore them. COMPLETELY. Drives them mad, doncha know. And the madder they get, the more they fluff up to where suddenly everyone can see them for what they are. They almost literally start to act like androids with a short circuit or three! And not even my typing this warning in front of his (its) nose would/could stop that from happening, LOL. Hoisted by their own compulsive petard. Anyway... Everything you described (firstly, secondly, thirdly) is like yet another chapter out of the usual Narc playbook. And this latest teaming-up just shows you that neither narc has the strength or bravery to overpower you on their own. :-) Nor can they do so together, they'll find. In fact, teaming-up is something they're going to end up regretting. (Not telling you how, don't want him to know.) Does he know she hates him? Is that how desperate he is? What about her? Is that how desperate SHE is too? Well, okay. So you'll have evidence to show everyone about her, too, won't you. :-) Meanwhile - who cares what disturbed bullies think? Here - why doesn't he divorce you and marry her???...do you a favour?

Anyway, chillax. There's no threat here. They can't DO anything to you. This is no more threatening than school playground-level, psychological warfare (and remarkably amateur and unsophisticated, at that). Two loons want you to believe you're the loon despite that accusation and their assertion flies 100% in the face of reality and evidence. That's it. Meanwhile, he's talking to her, not you. Ooh! How many hours will he be keeping himself busy with her tomorrow? (Champers is that way ---->)

Hi Soulmate, thanks for getting in touch. Appreciate it. I had a Nervous Breakdown (big time!). Fell apart at the seams. Couldn't even hold a cup. Shaking. Sobbing. Anyway, I rang the Hospital. I got a psyche consultation. They contacted some Authorities on my behalf (not the Police). Talked to me for ages! Told me what to do next & now they are looking in on me daily. I've feeling a bit better now. How it came about: I certainly fell apart. Scared even myself. I'd been sitting on the bed listening to him and my Sister having a great long chat. I couldn't hear details of the conversation as it was muffled but I sure could hear the loud laughter! It went on & on... Felt like I didn't have a single human being in this world who'd miss me if I was gone. I turned up loud music using head phones to try and block them out. I began browsing eBay and the doll stores I frequented for minis, props etc. I came across a Seller who makes Pink Fashion Doll Coffins. So I pressed 'save for later'. On the other tab very abusive FB messages starting coming in from my Sister telling me off. It kept pinging as they just kept on coming one after the other. I heard a voice in my head that told me three times to drink bleach. I VERY NEARLY obeyed it. Big worry huh! I fetched the bottle of bleach from the bathroom & a drinking glass from in there also (I could still hear him loudly chatting with whooping laughter bouts in between. Figured the joke was me). I sat there holding it (glass of bleach) hands shaking, staring at it for awhile. I didn't want to talk to anybody, my legs felt heavy & wouldn't walk. When I got up off the bed they very nearly went out from under me. I had to grab the bed head so as not to fall over. Obviously, I put the bleach down & didn't do anything stupid. But then I started to tidy my room, sorting through stuff to pack & leave. I found a large plastic bag. Picked it up & as I went to put old clothing in it well (hate to admit this) but I heard the voice again. It said 'just put it over your head, hold tight, all over in a few minutes'. It was at this moment when I realised that I'm past a point. That I'd snapped. I looked at my loyal furry friend. Who had been doing the vigil with me. She had not left my side nor wouldn't. She kept licking my hand repeatedly laying right up against me on the bed. (I'm balling as I type this truth). She kept whimpering softly. A noise I'd never heard her make in the 6 years we've had her. She stopped me from doing anything stupid. I thanked her. I realised somehow the cosmos (yep I'm one of those kooks!) had made that little dog come into my life because they knew I needed her! I looked at the gorgeous thing staring at me with a very concerned frown & realised I could NEVER leave her behind. He'd never let me take her with me when I move out. Then I realised (it finally dawned on me) how selfish & stupid I'd been. I noted her bladder was extended as she'd been right by me the whole time. I must have drifted in & out of sleep. I had been in the spare bedroom for so long! I call it my room. My bladder was exploding. My insides were hurting. I hadn't left in HOURS! I hadn't eaten. Hadn't drunk anything. I recall hearing his movements once outside my door. I recall seeing the shadow of his feet under the door frame outside the door. I was frozen in time. Stiff. Cold. Forgot to even pull a sheet or blanket up. I was in a total daze. Outside was dark. For MY LOYAL FRIEND I finally left the room. When I came out I thought it was Sunday but it was Monday. So I literally lost a day. New Subject: Feeling a lot better (sort of) but improved... I don't wish to talk about why I need a spare room bed or anything of that nature on this open forum. It is humiliating & embarrassing. All has to do with my medical condition. Next Subject: Adrian is real. He is Russian. He is married. She is lovely but very SUBMISSIVE! I know he gives her a difficult time. I've met Adrian only twice. The hairs instantly stood up on my arm. He gave me a look that sent shivers down my spine. Instinct made me dislike him instantly! Controlling! I've seen his wife only 3 times. Only allowed out with husband. The third time (husband not with her so purely by accident) was because we literally bumped into her at the shopping mall. She instantly sent him a text message (to say she was mixing with us), then he phoned her straight back & you could tell she was upset as he was giving her some type of lecture. You could hear the muffled voice but the tone was distinctly peed off. Then she said 'may I take a photo of you both so that I can send it right now and show Adrian I'm not cheating?'. We said 'sure'. I found ALL THIS VERY CONCERNING. When I asked her a question about her husband having 'trust' issues she shut down & changed the subject. I felt badly for minding her business. I'd made her awkward & uncomfortable. I'm not allowed to mix with her or go out with her alone. Her husband won't let her. I asked my partner about him. He said 'Well he's Russian' and that was the response. Then added 'best we mind our own business'. SO THAT WAS THAT! I'm not at all in touch with her EVER though I think of her often. Soulmate I know you are now joining dots (Me Too!)

Reading my LONG submission back I realised it comes off like a fiction Novel. Well it is my story to tell. Perhaps I should write it? Sadly, it is NON FICTION. Look for the title on the shelves one day in the not too distant future. 'BASTARDS I HAVE KNOWN'.

OH PS... It may have helped if I told you he worked with Adrian two jobs ago. So a couple of years back & they irregularly keep in touch.

Meanwhile, don't keep forgetting that the law is unequivocally on your side and you can ring them any damn time you like, as often as you like! (Ask your therapist, she'll tell you!) They're not going to say, "Ah, then, how come you're ringing us only now? We don't believe you because you didn't ring us the minute it began". Nope, not going to happen. He knows you can do it. And his terror, I suspect, is over the fact that if or when you do, all his dirty little secrets are going to be unearthed and exposed! Like, the fact he's already spent your contributions to "the fund" (what - he and Adrian running away together?) (try on the idea that you're just his fake-heterosexual window-dressing and see if it fits?). That's why he's so incredibly desperate to shatter your conviction that you and he are to all intents already O-V-E-R by crushing your confidence in your holding victim status (healthy) versus his perpetrator (unhealthy), that there is nothing wrong with you, bar being illegally kept prisoner (via the finances) and victimised. Desperate enough to suck-up to your Shister. Want to know something? Even if, just hypothetically, you were as narcissistic as him, they'd still arrest him. Because only he is the one breaking the law. Persistently. Unstoppably, despite commonsense warning up there. INSISTING on breaking the law that these officers bust a daily gut to uphold. (Ooh, don't think they're going to like him much, do you?) Now let's stand back and see what Shoveband and Shister's pairing consists of: A woman who hates men, believes wholeheartedly (i.e. has convinced herself) that men are inferior to women like her and deserve only her contempt and domination. A man who hates women, believes wholeheartedly (i.e. has convinced himself) that wommen are inferior to men like him and deserve only his contempt and domination. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! YEAH, GREAT MATCH!!! Who's boss in this teaming-up then? HAHAHAHAHA!!! It'll take them a good six months to argue even that one detail out!!! Who knows you and how you tick best ergo whose cunning plan should be chosen for implementation? HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! ((Oh my god, you're so stupid! I don't think I've ever seen anything like you!)) So there you go. No thought was spent over whether it was sensible or workable for them to do that. They just blindly, wildly grabbed. Out of desperation. BIG. Do you realise it's because the truth is and always has been, all along, that you have all the power and they have none?

Ok, I've just spotted your update just now. Let me read...

I'm so sorry for your nightmare day. But at the same time, I'm not. I'll explain... What was happening was too disturbing and blocked your thinking, whereby you needed to just do a Crunch, which is where you get down to basics and approach the actions, which is in order to see how you feel proven by what you (on auto pilot) do or don't do, in order to produce a much-needed, plain-spoken, easy-to-receive reassurer, that goes, "I do NOT believe them - they're the ones who should top themselves, not me, or else I'd have been able to bring myself to do it). And then you got a further message. Because doggies aren't ever wrong. They know who needs protecting and who doesn't. And they know that doing that is more important than getting to urinate. Especially when they don't just rely on you but adore you too. It's a breakdown, yes, but in the context of LaLa Land and in the midst of a personal war, it's actually a mutineering and self-garnering, not a going to mush and becoming inoperable: Conscious you BACKS down (not shuts down), inner animal takes over. (I've experienced this one myself. As have too many other victims.) But let's not overlook what amazing good has directly resulted, that wouldn't have, had he not rung her. So YET AGAIN, he's done you a favour. This is all very alarming while it's going on, though. Because it's happening within and according to the confines of a whole whacko framework for which you have ZERO frame of prior reference. Welcome to Mars. I also don't agree you LOST a day when, as I say, it was the final straw as made you dial for help - which worked! You lost conscious control and 'sleep-walked' through it. Please shake your inner animal's hand for me. It's very sophisticated and capable for a hairless She ape. :-) But - yeah, while it's happening, don't you just feel like you've somehow, seamlessly, imperceptibly been shunted into some parallel universe where everything is revealing itself to be anywhere between set to highly negative and a full-on nightmare version? You've just experienced Defon1.

I respect your sensitivies re the bedroom bits, but I just want to remind you of something: Emmbarrassing for whom? Who are you? Out of the world population (how many billions is it now?). A persona with the fake name of "The Artist Formerly Known As Trans". Basically. This and the fact that god knows how many millions out there are in your position with your exact medical condition etc., etc., YOU COULD LITERALLY BE ANYONE, so much so that, in regard to identifiability, you are simultaneously no-one. You could be a pretend victim with a made-up story for all anyone knows. Thing is, it only becomes "a condition" if enough people are affected by it. So there's that too. But this is just for going forward because actually, what you did say was enough (cheers).

"Adrian is real. He is Russian. He is married. She is lovely but very SUBMISSIVE! I know he gives her a difficult time. I've met Adrian only twice. The hairs instantly stood up on my arm. He gave me a look that sent shivers down my spine. Instinct made me dislike him instantly! Controlling! I've seen his wife only 3 times. Only allowed out with husband. The third time (husband not with her so purely by accident) was because we literally bumped into her at the shopping mall. She instantly sent him a text message (to say she was mixing with us), then he phoned her straight back & you could tell she was upset as he was giving her some type of lecture. You could hear the muffled voice but the tone was distinctly peed off. Then she said 'may I take a photo of you both so that I can send it right now and show Adrian I'm not cheating?'. We said 'sure'. I found ALL THIS VERY CONCERNING. When I asked her a question about her husband having 'trust' issues she shut down & changed the subject. I felt badly for minding her business. I'd made her awkward & uncomfortable. I'm not allowed to mix with her or go out with her alone. Her husband won't let her. I asked my partner about him. He said 'Well he's Russian' and that was the response. Then added 'best we mind our own business'. SO THAT WAS THAT! I'm not at all in touch with her EVER though I think of her often. Soulmate I know you are now joining dots (Me Too!)" Yup. But here's what I see: She is not submissive, she is dominated, seriously oppressed. Diff/All the diff. Adrian is quite possibly what your lovely-lovely partner is trying to emulate. I think this is what I've been sensing, that he's a Narc who sees Adrian (whom he admires and wants to be), seemingly easily "mastering" his woman to the Nth (where he has failed) so is now trying to adopt Adrian's style and tactics. They're not working on you, either. Because what Shoveband doesn't realise is - you're slimeproof. NO brand of slime works on you. Maybe for a very brief spell, if that. But it doesn't take. Be it super-quickly or just quickly - it slides off. They can EXHAUST you, yes. Disturb and upset you, and the rest of the (unnatural, as in, unfamiliar and not pre-programmed for) natural reactions, including being upset at why someone would want to treat their wife like this. But they don't work to change your mind, your very clear vision and firm hold on Reality Level 1 (which illogical, distinguishing grading only Narcissistic Personality Disorder makes necessary). But you're not hypnotise-able. Anyway, Adrian - from effing Russia of all cutthroat nations! - explains why the tactics themselves are full-on Sociopathic (giant or veteran Narc) but the execution is so damned inept. (No prior practise, innit.) The presently accepted theory is that in order to turn into a Sociopath, you have to (1) come from such a very long line of narcs, that the brain has over generation after generation evolved abnormal wiring (with humanitarian parts missing) and (2) have additionally been abused by the ENVIRONMENT you were raised in (i.e. a very cut-throat, survivalist district and culture, e.g. full of gangsters, including your own dad/family....all that over-extreme, tough-guy, macho bullshit). Russia. Good god. Nuff bloody said. Thank-you. Because that dichotomy was itching away at me. But now let's look at what this chosen association (and admiration) says about your shoveband and who/what he really is underneath the persona he presents. He wants to promote himself to Adrian's station. Obviously, then, they run on the same track to the same destination. So basically, your narc is a BIT of a street crook as well as a BIT of a domestic one. He is as scummy as Adrian. The type you see on documentaries. Doesn't this likewise explain why his behaviour descended so out-of-nowhere so all-of-a-sudden? I now can see Adrian spouting his villainous-grade, misogynistic, entitled beliefs and attitudes to Shoveband, all in the general theme of, "You're not a real man unless". But now he finds himself out of his depth after being wrong-footed, and desperate, hence scraping the bottom of the barrel in his need for a TROOP. Here, tell Shister "I just want my husband baaack, boo-hoooo!" and she'll bust a gut to see to it that you NEVER get him back. :-) (Damn right I'm joining dots... downright Pointilism!)

"Reading my LONG submission back I realised it comes off like a fiction Novel. Well it is my story to tell. Perhaps I should write it? Sadly, it is NON FICTION. Look for the title on the shelves one day in the not too distant future. 'BASTARDS I HAVE KNOWN'." Right - I will! And what do you MEAN 'sadly'? No - EVEN BETTER! Plus, all the best-sellers tend to be those that wrote about what they really, deeply know.

PS: Two jobs ago? Out of interest, how many jobs has your monster had since you first met him, and how long was the longest job held? And does he have a career or just whatever jobs?

Anyway, I'm glad you're okay and feeling better. Me, I need to sleep now - night! Oh, wait - one more question: Oh, yeah? What plants are they, then? (As if I couldn't guess.)

Hi Soulmate, doing ok. Once again sincere thanks for your support through this forum. I really do appreciate it. I thought you must have found 'The One' as you seemed to be telling me of a pass Narc that stole your happiness for a while and mentioned a son. Then as your handle is 'Soulmate' I came to a wrong conclusion (hence the jealous). Me interpret something incorrectly never Me have my perception off never LOL Me poor judge of character & situations ALWAYS! So the plants are 'Forget Me Nots'. My favourite. As we have a difficult climate for them here he ordered seeds on line & has been trying (for the second year running) to grow them for me. It was a surprise gift last year. Only they all died. He'd kept them outside in the frost. So this year he ordered more seeds and bought a little mini hot house & has been giving it a second go with the help of google hints. Not Pot LOL Nobody here (neither of us) smokes or drinks. Only alcohol for celebrations not in between times. Never smoked even cigarettes. Maybe that is part of the problem LOL Last evening he sat on his sofa & I sat on mine. He said 'I'm lonely over here by myself you & the dog look so cosy. May I come over & join you both?' I said 'well you have an arse & it is a couch so I don't care either way'. He came over & squeezed in. The dog growled. This upset him. She NEVER has growled in 6 years! He had his laptop & was looking up puppies to buy himself a $4000 one because this one quote 'seems to have chosen you'. Then he looks over at my computer & sees I'm looking up a replacement of my doll through ebay. He says 'I am really sorry about your doll. I know you don't believe me but I am'. I chose not to respond but kept staring at the screen. His sitting there was making me super nervous. I felt sick. So after that comment last night I thought I'd test the waters today. Feeling nervous & the nauseous I began to set up a doll diorama. In my head I was singing over & over the lyrics to an oldie but a goodie 'Break My Stride' song by Matthew Wilder. Changing some of the lyrics to suit the situation. Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no I got to keep on moving Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride I'm running and I won't touch ground Oh no, I got to keep on moving Never gonna let a guy like you work me over (Never let another guy like you) drag me under (If I meet another guy like you) I will tell him (Never want another guy like you) have to say, NO In the early hours of the morning I got my broken fav doll out. I used pliers. I glued. I body swapped her head. It didn't work. But I realised that I could at least prop her up to look as though she isn't damaged for my next diorama. Yep...I could use another of my collection but that won't suffice. Under the situation he does not deserve to get off the hook that easily. I am still hurting. He needs to feel some of my pain. Show some emotion other than hatred, anger & coercive control. He looked up. Saw what I was doing. Her head fell off & rolled across the table. I felt like a fool for trying to use her. I felt stupid inside because my early morning mending failed. However I realised that this is part of the journey. I was more than a little curious to note his reaction (if any). Never said a word. It took about an hour for me to dress carefully the headless replacement body. I did it all deliberately as close to him (right in his line of vision) as I could. Then getting all the props out & completing the scene not a peep did he say. Not a single word. I went and grabbed the camera ready to take some shots. I had to use my left hand to steady the camera in my right hand as I was shaking that badly. Never thought my life would come to this. I'm not feeling sorry for myself or having a pity party when I state the following in all earnest. Enough is enough. How much is one person supposed to endure in their life at the hands of others? I broke but just like my doll I'm glueing the pieces back together. So I start to click the camera. Posing her & her dog against the backdrop. Then he spoke. I swear I nearly jumped out of my skin. I realised I'd been holding my breath for some time. He said 'she needs Sunnies'. THAT WAS IT! I didn't respond. Why didn't I answer? Because I honestly didn't know what to say to him nor how to react. I still don't! I took about 20 pics always after that perfect shot for the doll competitions. Then I put it all away. NOT ANOTHER WORD HAS BEEN SPOKEN SINCE! I got the stuff out to cook dinner & HE went outside to water the 'Forget-me-not' seedlings. Which are doing really well! Ironically!

Hi Trans, when you leave him and get your own place, he's going to try every trick in the book to make you stay and try and tell you he’ll change. He's already starting with the fake tears, trying to give hugs and telling you how lonely he feels, he’s trying to lure you back in, make things normal. He’s not going to like loosing control of you one little bit! I would keep grey rocking him. Maybe he thinks a new dog would make you stay too? Reminds me of when my dad brought a dog, then puppy, to try and win me and my sibs over, but also because he was apparently lonely when he moved out . he didn’t take our dog to puppy training classes or walk him, he left that to us and guess who now looks after the family dog and pay all the vet bills ? My mum. Don’t think my dad even cares about our dog now.

Is anybody out there to chat to me? I'm in my room & shattered! Sobbing uncontrollably. I'm broken. I've just been emotionally berated & goaded to within a inch of my life. I committed a crime! I spoke out of context. About his dinner. Last night I made a meal & he said 'strangely it made him feel sick'. I said 'how?' then 'the dog & I are fine. It was nice'. Tonight I said 'we have leftovers but because you said it made you sick in the stomach I got you something else today & I'm going to stick it in the oven'. THAT WAS MY MISTAKE! HE criticised me, goaded me, lectured me, denied having said anything of the kind with a Tape Recorder following me around. Saying things into the tape that weren't true. I begged him to stop. He increased it. I tried to leave the room & he followed me into the kitchen where it grew out of control. Much said about the doll. He is now calling me a liar. It was one hit on the chair & he never said anything. This is what I got tonight. How I made it up, exaggerated, the doll was fine it could have just had its head popped back on but I'm too stupid to do that. I can't even do such a simple thing. I'm making it up - the rest about its neck etc. He won! I cracked! I've broken down on the kitchen floor when he followed me in & just kept on going. Telling me off. I couldn't take it anymore. He tried to goad me to hit him or do something about it. I didn't. HE told the tape recorder I did. He said his Councellor has enough evidence & they are going to have me put away for my mental issues. It was so horrible! I am in shock that this can happen over me saying 'I got you something else for dinner'. He says into the tape recorder he didn't complain, he loved the dinner, he was grateful for it & so much more. He was recording himself saying I made it up. Oh there is no point me typing anything else. The neighbours will not have heard him. A goading monotone in my face & following me. They will have heard me. I yelled my lungs out at him to go away & begged him to just leave me alone. He said 'never!'. Of course he turned the tape of to really up the verbal attack. Im embarrassed because the neighbours must have heard it all. I feel so ashamed. I should have known not to open my gob. If I'd stayed in my room today & not talked to him at all then everything would be alright. I am nuts. I am damaged. Because I'm broken and it was HIM WHO BROKE ME. Not the other way around. But who is going to believe me? I've covered up for so many years. My sister instantly took his side. There is no hope for me. He wouldn't give me any money for the groceries. The dinner I bought him because he complained about last nights meal. I'm out of money, out of love, out of breath. HE bought a pink teddy bear today (price tag said $3) & placed it in my room. To make up for the doll I guess??? WTF. Nothing can mend this. NO stupid bear!

Over the last few weeks an amusement Yoda (from the skill tester machine) was to make up for his verbal abuse. A box of chocolates was to make up for the emotional abuse & show how much he thinks of me & cares. Forget me not flowers tended to for me as he's a lovely person. Today he literally got the bear before the abuse followed. Pre-empted. Why? Because I was barely talking at all. Just nodding occasionally when he raved on about himself as per usual. The thing is once again I'm sobbing in my room and I'm feeling awful for the cruel words I threw at him! I went too far. Told him never in my life have I ever hated anybody more & can't stand his eyes when they look in my direction. He looked shocked. He looked hurt. I did yell & cry 'you broke me!' and 'look at what you've done to us!'. I can't speak about dinner. Do you really think your normal? He said he taped himself & the convo with my Sister & how they had such a lovely talk together. He said it was evidence. That he is liked. That he is perfectly calm, normal & fine. Tonight I gave him what he needed. Me ranting, raving, yelling & calling him names on tape. Now he'll get me put away with my Sister to back him up he said. You don't do this to if there is any love in your heart! You don't torture some body with threats & name calling. He said he's never called me a single name tonight. He said he neve said the stuff when he trashed my diorama & broke my doll. He said 'you have no evidence of anything'. I have many tape recordings of a crying, ranting & raving lunatic. I said if I'm crying, ranting & raving it clearly shows any body worth their salt that I've been tortured or at the very least upset by a person who has a rock where his heart should be.

Left my room for a drink of water & he followed me AGAIN with the tape recorder straight behind me & into the kitchen. He was goading me non stop & presses pause when he says nasty stuff so that he only captures me. But this time I begged him to go away & loudly told the tape recorder what he was doing. That he wouldn't leave me alone. Following me. I just pushed past & returned to my room. Where I still am now. He says 'I derserve this'. In fairness I don't think I do. I'm no picnic but I was caring about his dinner. That is not a crime which should lead to yelling, shouting, goading, following, name calling & tape recording. He shouldn't need to buy sorry bears or chocolates. He shouldn't break dolls in the first place. He says (and he is right!). It is your word against mine and I've made sure everybody likes me better. Your own Sister is on my side. You have no friends, nobody to back you up but losers on a problem forum who have no qualifications & fill your head with shit.

Says you are all filling my head with nonsense & that you've no idea how he is the victim of me. He says his Psychologist says he is in danger from me physically & emotionally as I suffer from being a NARC, GAS LIGHTER and several disorders. One of the disorders being story teller (hence the Game) & compulsive liar (he never does anything that I begged him as a challenge to break my doll). Told him he wasn't brave enough to do it, told him to go right ahead & so he did. To prove that if I push him he will crack under my emotional abuse. That that is what really happened & I'm in a fantasy land of my own creating & lost all reality. The other day he said I was to STOP TAKING CREDIT FOR THE GAME. It was his brain storm & idea. He started it. ??? Two days later he said I am so warped that I started A GAME & NEEDED A PORN TO ACT ALONG SIDE OF ME & ROPED HIM INTO IT. ??? How I used the game to entertain myself & torture him by way of 'emotional abuse'. Setting up scenes which I knew would upset him. So much more. BUT I'm sitting here...feeling rotten because I did go too far tonight. Calling him names. IT is on tape! I HURT HIM! I saw the look in his eyes. I feel so bad! I stooped very low. I don't want to type this as Soulmate will wash her hands of me 'I LOVE HIM'! Always have. Thought I always would.

Earlier this morning he actually smiled at me. It seemed warm & real. The voice in my head said 'go on give him a hug & a kiss. Tell him that you love him'. I wanted to! I really did want to. But when he moves even slightly close to me now I shudder & run away to my room.

I was super hurtful. Told him he isn't human. He is worse that Satan. The devil has nothing on him. I really went too far. There is no turning back now.

Here to chat trans Can he not cook for himself? I just think this leads to him to able to insult you and gaslight you. Look how it ended with him verbally abusing you. No you were not horrible to him, you told him to go away and leave him alone, while he was carried on verbally abusing you even when he could see you were distressed. He wants you to hit him, so that he actually has evidence you hurt him. Him having a ‘lovely talk’ to your sister isn’t evidence (I don’t think) , just two people ranting about you. Ah the teddy, and chocolates, he’s trying to make out what a lovely, thoughtful, sane person he is (yeah…in his own f***ed up world!). This is what they do. ‘ .Told him he isn't human. He is worse that Satan. The devil has nothing on him.’ - yep I agree with you on that he is!

I don't know where you are but in most US states it is illegal to audio record somebody without their consent, especially in their own home. You need to firmly tell him to stop. The man is probably breaking the law. BTW, one also cannot video record someone in their home without their permission in the US, and probably wherever you are. Call the police if this continues.

I'm just sitting in my room staring into space. My eyes are burning from tears. I can't even converse with him. He isn't civil. I don't even quite understand what it was I said or did that was so wrong he felt the need to lecture on & on...saying like if you are going to talk to me you must get at least the words right...I won't tolerate you being base or stupid. Repeating things wrongly. Be specific...it went on... He goes from 0 to Anger in seconds. Like 'I didn't say that I didn't like last nights dinner I said it made me feel odd and then I said it was like a nervous feeling. So get it right or don't speak at all. Choose your words more carefully. I didn't say I didn't like your dinner last night. You are making out I'm a bad person. I interjected that this is not what I said nor did. It only made it worse. LIAR! Mental Case! Psychotic! I realised this morning that this stess & pressure I'm under to keep him calm & even keel is taking a big toll. I've lost weight. I simply can't eat. Find it nerve racking just to leave my room. I found my dinner (cooked but still sitting in the oven from two nights ago). My brain is just on overload. I'd doing crazy things like that which is further convincing him that I mad. Like putting the milk in the pantry. Can't find my glasses & they on top of my head after I've searched around for 10 minutes. I do wish I hadn't reduce myself down to the level which I did. Makes me just as bad or equal to him. I think he is trying to crack me. But who does that? Is he wanting out but too cowardly to say? Because at this point tonight if I'd had the money I would have just gone. I didn't because I have $40. I didn't because of the dog. I don't own a car. Our cabs don't take dogs. Nor our public transport. It is night time. Can't leave her. Don't believe she is in any danger. He loves her. Certainly more than he cares for me. But she is scared of him. She is clinging to me again tonight. He tried to coerce her into his room & she wasn't having a bar of it. I feel rotten because he tried to win her over into his room due to my yelling 'even your bloody dog hates you. she is scared of you. they sense evil you know'. I'm not proud of it. He loved that dog heaps in the beginning. But she chose (for whatever reason as we can't really get into a dogs head space) to stick with me. I am eternally grateful. I ADORE HER! He knocks her all the time! Too fat. Too spoilt. Too lazy. Too noisy. Too messy. Too clingy. Too selfish. Too un demonstrative. Too grudge holding. Too demanding. Too fluffy. Too blanket stealing. Too needy. Too possessive of her toys. Won't play fetch. Won't play frisbee. Won't run off lead in park. Won't socialise with other dogs. She is too stubborn. Barks too much. Too food driven. Too grudge holding. Too jealous. A boring plodder. Too stuck in her ways. The list goes on! This is daily rants about the dog. So now he is looking for another dog to buy. We got him one in February. Seemed fine at first. Within 24 hours he was taking it back as it didn't fit his criterion. Yet, he says constantly it is all me at fault here always. Tonight he said I mean & he is kind. He thinks a $3 teddy bear after telling you all your weaknesses is 'kind'. Go figure. Sorry, I'm talking here non stop because I don't have a life. If I stop & think well then it is water works again & my eyes are still burning from the last down pour.

The man is gaslighting both you and the dog. The man is self-creating drama which he is enjoying. Buy a lock for your room and stay in there, with the dog. Find new place to live. Afterwhich, change phone number and do not provide the man with your new address. Block him on all social media. If needed, get restraining order.

can't even converse with him - don’t feel like you have to say anything to him. Like I said grey rock him. He’s having a narc rant try to get a reaction form you. he is Not going to be civil or rational and is never going to be.

Well Lily, It has been very quiet on the western front as they say & a number of hours since the outbursts. Usually he is watching TV Series he is following every night. Tonight he has been in his room for ages. My guilt for what I said has amplified. I read your above message saying he won't converse nor be civil or rational. So I gently tapped on his bedroom door... He said 'the dog may come in'. I opened the door (the dog did run in - traitor LOL) I said 'do you want a coffee & to talk about how bad this has gotten'. I looked at him with headphones in & saw a box showing audio and saw his laptop where he was typing the script from the audio onto the page. I said 'what is that?'. He said 'I just had a coffee but gee thanks. I'm busy getting your evil recorded to give to my REAL Therapist tomorrow'. I shut the door & walked away. As I went down the hall he called out 'enough evidence to have you put away'.

I'm actually sitting here considering killing myself. This is not a cry for attention. I'm not one of those people. I just don't want this life or any life after this to be honest. I have a bipolar/manic Mother who is now overcome by dementia. A stepfather who I just found out is making legal moves with lawyers (behind our backs) & taking over her bank accounts (even been to see her Doctor) to have Mum declared incompetent & to take the money promised to us (her 3 adult offspring) before she dies & fly back to Scotland from whence he came. My Brother is a shocking chauvinist & narc whom I haven't conversed with in 7+ Years. Not even for BDays or Xmas. My Sister is a lush. Full of herself. On my Partners side. The Grandparents I loved have been dead 4+ years. I'm fat. I'm ugly. I'm poor. I have no car. I have no home (this is a Govt Rental for Welfare recipients filled with termites, mould/mildrew & rats. I have zero money of my own. I have health issues. I can't work. The one person I gave the whole of me to because I truly 'loved' is the enemy. The person who most wants to take me down. I haven't a friend in the World. I had a best girl friend whom I adored for 12+ years. She moved away to live at the beach which her teenage sons wanted. It made me sad & boy did I miss her but that is life. She'd only knew my Partner for the last 3 years of our friendship. They kept her busy & her job. We kept in touch (from a distance) & then the friendship died. She was coming to visit with me and stated that she had a nervous breakdown in the car on the way. Took herself to the Hospital. Had been put on strong anti depression meds & felt like a different person. She said you won't like me now I've changed. I said "of course I will'. Then she asked me for money. I don't have any to give. She told me off as not a true friend, told me never to speak to her again & cut off the phone. I'm estranged from all Cousins etc because of Partner. Didn't want anybody to discover the truth. They all have loving partners of many years, fancy homes, cars etc. Tell me their lives are great & they have children who adore them. Busy always. Too much so that they've never even met me for a coffee in three decades. I can't believe he is in there doing all he can to prove me insane & have me put away. That is super cruel. Why not just leave? He has no love in him. No memories of all the years we've shared & there were some lovely times. I'm done.

No competent licensed therapist is going to read a transcript of an illegal audio.

Trans, I've just caught a glimpse... Hang tight and bear with, I'll be back in an hour or two tops.

1. Your cooking did not make him feel sick - he's saying anything to try to get a rise out of you (lately, using injustices...opposites to your positive strengths and traits because then the wound to your sense of justice is huge). Doing so will engage your ego whereby you (as you saw) can't let the mystery/injustice lie (lay), give yourself permission to reply or address - through an excuse like, feeling guilty (for nothing), and... All you end up getting is ....another punch. Please. Stop engaging. As Lily says - Grey. ROCK. His taping and transcript is childishly ignorant and downright ridiculous. You can indeed safely disregard that from now on. Please reassure me you're going to cease engaging with him now?

2. " I begged him to stop." You're behaving like a mewling victim. What's this begged nonsense? You don't need to beg him to stop. You don't even need to ask him! He's abusing you. You just need to say, in a QUIET, calm, neutral tone of voice: You're being ridiculous, just stop it. ...AND WALK OFF. I don't care what you're doing - first opportunity - walk off. It is impossible for him to have an argument or to bully someone who is not THERE. Unless he fancies having it with himself or one of his crabs.

Remembering to stay Grey Rock takes far less out of you - FAR less - than engaging or initiating engagement and getting punched. When you walk away - if he follows, you make it too much effort to follow, by going out or just outside where he can't see you. If you used that, each time, as your opportunity to take the dog for a walk,you AND your dog will be gaining benefit as well as an antidote to the stress chemicals infusing your brain lately, and cheer you up...Two for the price of one. So try to see his starting up as an OPPORTUNITY. Lemons into Lemonade.

3. Again - who CARES what someone psychologically-disturbed thinks of you or tries to convince you of? None of it MEANS anything.

PS: "But I realised that I could at least prop her up to look as though she isn't damaged for my next diorama." That was more like it (albeit, he will not "feel some of your pain" because his brain isn't capable...any finer human emotions you witnessed before 'today' WAS an act).

5. "How much is one person supposed to endure in their life at the hands of others? Only this much. OR when the victim really, trully has had ENOUGH. Which is when they dutifully do their Grey Rock and make very few slip-ups, if any. Please go and study How to Grey Rock online - by as many different ex-victims and clinicians/therapists as you can find to ensure you get ALL tips and instructions going. Get very familiar with them. Because the more you engage or are provoked into engaging - the more encouraged they are and the more they do it.

A variation (if you do need to blow your top a LITTLE) ON "you're being ridiculous, just stop it" is: Yes, alright, you hate my guts - I've got it!

6. His misquoting, twisting, going from 0 to 60.... It is all....JUST..... PRETEND grounds to needle, upset, traumatise - BEAT YOU........up! Nothing he says about you is true or not twisted from a positive of yours to a negative. He's just punching you, every opportunity, to wear you out and wear you down, until you start behaving like he's Master and you, worthless Slave, simply because by then you're too beaten-up, Water Torture / Thousand Cuts-style, to resist. Stop knocking on the door of the hostile neighbour, just because he USED to be a nice neighbour. You found out, he wasn't. He was just pretending. This is the real him. Isn't he VILE. Because his mind is broken in places, but which make a huge difference (especially when you have to live with them). Think of whatever he says/does as puke in your face and, don't put your face in front of his face.

7. Covering for them by still spouting the "he's wonderful" storyline, is standard. The people who will understand why you didn't speak up before now (which is because you still had Hope and didn't want to sabotage it by telling his nasty side YET) are those who've been through it, or supported someone else, have read up, caught on to the cultural chatter, etc. Since you have too much time on your hands and it's going against you - have you searched the web yet for a second, supplementary forum, one where you can chat virtually any time to a current, similar victim?...and keep this one for the How Tos? I think one in your own country would be a clever idea because you're then in a position to possibly make RL friends or penpals out of it. Worth a look? Really, whenever one is that upset, they need someone NOW-NOW-NOW.

(Trans, can you clarify whether or not you're okay, now, with Broost joining in?) (Sorry to discuss you in the third again, Broost)

Dear Shoveband, Since Trans/Shadowperson came on here and began this thread (which, at crux, is OUR property in OUR control that you can't touch) - NOTHING you try to twist or re-write to convince Trans - or the people on this forum by proxy of Trans's writing-up your lies and twistings - can or will work to achieve your aim of painting your prepatrator self to the world as the victim of HER. It's too late for that to work, whatever you try. You may as well be pissing into the wind for all the good it'll do you (and your clearly duped or pretend therapist...whichever is truth, is immaterial anyway). It would do Trans more favours though. By making you look increasingly MORE vile and abusive with every new thing you do or say. Worse and worse and worse...You taking yourself out of the frying-pan to chuck yourself into the fire. One has to be a special kind of stupid to do that. So if you believe you are sane enough to damage-limit and save yourself - stop. Just stop. If you don't stop - thanks ever so much for doing a large portion of our work FOR us and, keep it coming. If you don't mind digging your own grave then neither do we. If you think you still stand a chance at persuading or bullying her back in the relationship so that she'll cancel all threatening inevitables (namely, her intention to leave, cease need to come on here, cease divulging your true nature and behaviour to third parties...) - if you are deluded enough to think that even after how you've for too long now been behaving you can still someow convince her or anyone that you and she can somehow come back from this, then you really are admitting you are deluded to an highly concerning level on top of abusive and coercively controlling. It's too late for that. You have atomised the whole show. Your choice. If you were a grown-up of sound mind, however, thereby even entitled to have taken a real man's role as equal-partner husband, then you would have WEEKS ago done what grown husbands who can no longer stand living with their wife do: gently and regretfully informed Trans you wanted to end it so she should find herself a lawyer, then swiftly found yourself a lawyer and raised a Divorce Petition. Or moved-in with a friend, even for a while. Weeks and weeks ago. Your failure to have done so now is what renders your present bid, to paint yourself White and her Black in regards to who's been abusing whom, simply Not Credible and just adding yet more abuse to your existing rap-sheet. So it's ALL too late for that. WHEREAS...Keeping someone prisoner in a "relationship", even purely just by psycho-emotional means - but in your case, using Financial conning on top - and meanwhile non-stop bullying, torturing, intimidating, gaslighting, committing criminal damage towards, and verbally abusing her - is illegal. More so today than ever. And is Pet Hate of the decade for most global societies (in case you hadn't noticed). You need to ignore your ego's negative and fears-based urges and start to be cleverly self-preservationist about this, instead of stupidly self-destroying. Adrian is stupid. In fact, he is as thick as pig-sh*t. You are not Adrian and Trans is not Adrian's (for now, 'still') self-defenceless wife. This bullying may have worked for you as a child/teen in childish arenas, but, in case you hadn't noticed, it just majorly backfires on you once you join the adult arena. Time to get with where you are now. Time to update. Or if you can't manage it yourself - time to ask your/a therapist to show you adult coping strategies, finally. Your life and luck will improve. Lastly, you should know you've been making quite a lot of other mistakes that, to anyone in the know (with half a brain) are glaringly too telling, as well, in terms of Guilt...which almighty shocks I'm going to let you find out soon enough for yourself if you continue with your madness. Personally, from all I've so far read, I don't think you ARE as clever as you are nasty, but, because you leaving/going and staying with someone or leaving her in peace suits us, I'm willing to alert you to this last chance. It would just be easiest for everyone. Although you won't be a winner of what you in your disturbed mind see as such an important battle, neither will you be the loser or a loser. You will both have won and lost in equal measure, which cancels out and ends up, neither/neutral - "Just Is"..."Is What It Is"... That's the best and only Win that's open to you now. Sincerely, Soulmate.

If we want him to cooperate then you, Trans, cannot approach HIM regarding any of the present contentions (real or not). "So after that comment last night I thought I'd test the waters today." So no doing that again. ************* By the way, it's nothing unusual when in your position at this juncture of your life (caught in an abusive relationship) to not have any friends. It is best NOT to have any friends, in fact. Just one or more supporters. Friendships use brain energy. You need yours for more important things. This process runs itself, including, "like magic!" letting friendship after friendship strike-ups happen THE MINUTE you are back in a state of ticketyboo. It's in Ticketybooville that we are capable of managing friendships, and far better quality than we used to know. This is what happens..againandagainandagainandagainandagain...... And it will happen to you. Because you're a (normal and healthy-brained) human being (that easy, no entrance exam!).

I do understand and appreciate how hard it is to stay consistently Grey Rock, though. But falling off the wagon like that is precisely why AND WHEN you need someone to be firm with you in their encouragement of you.

So, rest assured, you are still normal and this series of events still standard, and still ahead of most women at your stage (and age). So, all things considered, having broken Grey Rock is not a biggie. But it does delay your recovery and healing and ability to feel better faster. It puts you back, and for WORSE than no benefit. PS: Your medical condition is what has in recent years been forcing you to focus on YOUR INTELLECT. It's had far more exercise than it would otherwise received. It's also what triggered and fueled the birth of your play. And that's why you've been doing incredibly intelligent things even amid your pea-souper of a fog. So as you can see, NOTHING is "bad" in this life. Not even scary, destabilizing, even invasive things that feel really horrid (again, think dental work once it's done and the newborn baby emerging). You went to Hell and came back with new gnashers. You went to Hell and came back with the most gorgeous gift in the world. Etc., etc. Everything is just an experience that we're meant to learn thereby grow mentally stronger by. ...Just teething-rings, really...and medicine... some quite nice tasting, others foul. Only helping the teeth come out or treating the dis-ease is the point, though. But again, the fact you DID turn your attention to your intellectual world, rather than just sat around watching daytime telly, like too many people, shows an above-average intelligence in itself. YOU CAN BE just too damned intelligent not to survive, recover and thrive, you know? That's where, I've identified, you sit on the survivor spectrum. (The rest is just your habit of independence and over-determination.) No matter how upset you seem to get, therefore - I know you're actually fine with a brain like yours at the helm, and just having a biological reaction. But you have to trust that I know better (I'm not just some ex-victim, I know my stuff) and follow my advice, please. Maybe this will help: Ending a marriage only ends the relationship that got created. It does not stop either or both partners from starting again from scratch if they want to. Many do (albeit most tend to just cohabit from there (because for them it improves matters) so escape the re-marriage statistics). What you do from now, including him moving out, you moving out, you divorcing him divorcing you, is not going to actually DESTROY anything. None of this is irreversible. So you don't need to view it all as if you're about to jump off a cliff (either of you). You're not. Better? :-)

WHETHER they are "shocked and upset", hurt, devastated, as if suddenly, magically, instantly (just because they've decided) YOUR victim, either overall or in that moment (Stealing the victim cloak - GOOGLE PLEASE THIS TIME), is never the point. The point is - they lack all and any RIGHT to. (Right is Might. That's how the whole of healthy, kind, decent society operates. Pro Social. Might is Right. Yep, you've guessed it: how all bullies, abusers, malignant disordereds led by narcs operate. Which is Anti Social...Anti Humankind. This town ain't big enough for the both of us.) They lack the right to first inflict a serious stab-wound into your ribs and then act shocked and hurt, followeed by berating you (to a level worthy of one who'd just murdered their mother) for the fact that your blood has as a result, spurted all over their suit and shoes (and they'll bet - deliberately, you b*tch!...and why are you bleeding anyway, why do you also have to make such a fuss!...etc., ad nauseum). You could not and would not have 'spurted that blood' had he not stabbed you. No-one could. Correct? ("Yes") Cause and Effect. Some victims take 20 years or more before daring to answer back about something FYI. That your bash-back(ette) was in retaliation to something not acceptable, nor allowed now, in decent society is all the counts. That, and - that the event can be traced back to the only logical root Cause (HELLO!!! :-) ) So - End Of. Anyway...That is the difference between someone that warrants pity and one that does not. *************** Those in the know, whose need to know you need (lol), know this fact: Inevitably, at some point, victims hit back. ALMOST ALL cornered victims - including wickle bunny wabbits - turn ferocious if hunted for long enough and then cornered. They are duty-bound by their particularly impressive survival instinct and powerless to resist. It's Self-Defence (assuming reasonable force where opportunity for reasoning was present...n stuff) (yours was MORE than reasonable - and long overdue! - as demonstrates your civility and self-control) (not saying you should repeat it, though!). Legally, the animal need only be genuinely convinced they're in you die or I die position/situation/inevitability (which is one of the instances where the Spath's all-too-convincing horror-film-villain mimickry comes back to bite them (air-punch!)). And in actual fact, that the victim GOT pushed that far into that state TO BEGIN WITH - that, too, would just make it that much worse for the abuser. BOTH parties could be narcissistic idiots. But it's about who is the PERPETRATOR. Who had Power Over (when power doesn't feature where both are healthy). Sometimes that's the same reason why huge "bankers" and known villains can emerge from court the winner, right? It feels wrong because they're not a nice or deserving person. But the deeper truth is that - sometimes, getting a windfall is a blessing, and sometimes it's a curse...a punishment. Think lottery winners whose lives went "puzzlingly" too quickly down the pan as a result, yes? So in THAT scenario - the win is actually a loss waiting to happen....slowly and painfully. A long-burning bum spank, courtesy of Fate - using whatever, including courts, as its chess pieces. Or you could say, Nature. Whatever. It is there and it does make things happen....Goes around, comes around. Courts *emulate* the real thing: Fate. So sometimes that's the most logical chess board to reach its hand into, to bring about what it wants....which is always, to ensure the perp(s) reaps what they sowed if humankind can't manage it itself or in a workable timeframe. Getting it? Even leaving aside the spiritual-philosophical side (as witnessed happening for too long now by moi)... You have all the POWER. Let the record show (mwa-ha!), that only Trans began a victim diary, from this date. And that Shoveband (I'm betting) did not...or, if he did, correlates with when Trans first indicated his sight of her diary i.e. started his too late (- as can't be faked because the evidence has to be supplied by the website (air-punch!)). Let me explain again: They have anywhere down to zero Empathy. Ditto for care, morals, justice, self-regulatory or any adult skills, thoughtfulness, consideration, sensitivity, conscientiousness, sincerity, sympathy, self-sacfice, ability to put themselves second sometimes, guilt, remorse (and Spaths - shame) so have to BLUFF these things. in order to get you superglued in that little row-boat with them... bluff and mimic all of the stuff that makes a human loving and lovable - and as a default WANTING to be kind, even when angry, to their loved-one(s). Some do have those properly-developed-adult settings and skills, but, it all constantly vanishes the minute you "look at them the wrong way". So the upshot either way, is: there is too much NEGATIVITY to be able to stay appreciating any good side or good times and ditto to, avoid ending-up disliking them intensely and just wanting them out of your sight for-good. Too much negativity and insanity goes against a programme too strong to be resisted. ...Except for towards themselves. Then, there's no bluffing needed. So, basically, they keep all of those qualities for themselves. Pathologically Selfish. So I repeat: He lacks any right to be shocked or hurt. Be it a delayed-reaction version of not - either are victim-id legitimate - you would not ever in your life have displayed such behaviour had it not been for him having begun full-on, overtly abusing you. (Including to the point where even the family dog shows he knows he's the problematic element.) They are never sorry they did it, just sorry they got caught and are facing punishment (HELLO!!!!!). He's just going to carry on trying to abuse you senseless until you are forced to say you forgive him and forget it ever happened (...and then months later the cycle will continue and hit Tension and Abuse all over again....and again..... and again.... This can continue for years if you let it). ************* Do me a favour, as an experiment: write your next reportage as if it's a news or at least commentary article written by a bona fide reporter. No emotionally-loaded words and descriptives, no assumptions about what he felt or thought... The latter are YOU projecting YOUR value system and mental health onto him. His value system is this: Me-Me-Me. Want now. Gonna Take...Snatch. Don't care who gets hurt. Quick, make up something to escape consequence! Can you try and do that?

PS: to make myself even clearer: there ISN'T any kind of evidence he can (dishonestly) present or patch together. Not since the day you began this thread. This thread trumps anything and everything else. So - no more getting anxious at Hercule Piorot there's inane ramblings, accusations,...anything. Ok? You can laugh at it (preferably out of earshot, just to doggie).

He seriously is behaving like he's only 6 to 8 years old, though. Following you around with the tape record, pmsl - will he grow the eff up! Such a CHILD.

"nobody to back you up but losers on a problem forum who have no qualifications & fill your head with shit." Oh, he wishes we were, he wishes we didn't, he wishes it was. How surprising. Yawn.

You don't have the luxury of worrying about your stepfather right now. Deal with this first - then you'll be capable of contesting any Power of Attorney, no worries. Or, you might not care by then? The Serenity Prayer (memorise the first 4 lines and substitute Fate for God if you wish): God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen. reinhold niebuhr (1892-1971) You can't yet change your mum's situation - accept that. You have demonstrated you have the courage to change the things you can (and are just awaiting circumstantial obstacles to ease/clear). I believe you know the difference. Agree? ^************** "This too shall pass". :-)

Look what I've just found: a Freudian Slip (Spath Reveal/Tell): "Says you are all filling my head with nonsense & that you've no idea how he is the victim of me." Shouldn't that be: "Says I am filling your heads with nonsense & that you've no idea how he is the victim of me" ? ((Gotcha!)) You see, Trans? Every move he makes, he achieves nothing but condemning himself that bit more.

The only thing that protects Narc bullies from being exposed (to being villified and shunned by everyone that could be converted into a replacement host), is the victim not yet having confided in someone(s). Their silence. Which requires the Narc being able to intimidate you and keep you intimidated, too scared to tell (which you will be, if you don't have a third-party supporter...Catch 22). When the secrecy (and privacy) is removed or seems to be gone - and you're (upset, yes, but) no longer intimidated - because you've calmed down and realised they're actually very childish and stupid (and clever and devious only at being stupid) - stand back and watch their actions. It's like watching an evil Mad Hatter having a one-man tea party where he's trying to play all the other guests, but whom randomly keeps switching into the Queen of Hearts - and then back again. That's where he's arrived at. However, instead of following you around with a teapot, insisting you have another cup of tea - it's a tape-recorder. ****** "((THE LIAR)) says his Psychologist says he is in danger from me physically & emotionally as I suffer from being a NARC, GAS LIGHTER and several disorders. One of the disorders being story teller (hence the Game) & compulsive liar (he never does anything that I begged him as a challenge to break my doll). Told him he wasn't brave enough to do it, told him to go right ahead & so he did. To prove that if I push him he will crack under my emotional abuse. That that is what really happened & I'm in a fantasy land of my own creating & lost all reality." Oh yeah? Tell the liar, I said - Tomorrow I'm going to swim to the moon, grab the bardest bit of cheese I can, swim back, and shove it up his nostrils, his ears, his eyes, his nose, his mouth, his a-hole, his JH (he'll know what that is), then pop him in my mouth, hold my nose, chew and swallow, whereupon I'll receive a Knighthood. What's his point (yawn).

"Earlier this morning he actually smiled at me. It seemed warm & real. The voice in my head said 'go on give him a hug & a kiss. Tell him that you love him'. I wanted to! I really did want to. But when he moves even slightly close to me now I shudder & run away to my room" No, you don't. Your inner animal / warrior / Prosocial psychopath does. Its actions (with you getting pulled along for the ride) are how it's talking to you - this case, telling you, NO YOU WILL NOT FAWN AND TRY TO DE-ENEMY THE ENEMY. It's a more sophisticated animal than your dog, but both can know with enough certainty which party is the root problem and threat to welfare (survival). It SEEMED as warm and real as any TV weepie you ever watched and got so into you cried with them. It's called acting. They're very talented at it. They HAVE to be or else they'd have to live by the rules, including work for their living or savings, etc. Their very lives or tolerable quality of lifestyles (depending on MNPD degree) depend on it. BTW, you didn't tell me what his last couple of jobs were, how long they lasted, etc.?

Oh, btw, if you want a giggle: If he even COULD have you put away (pmsl) - it wouldn't be free, you know? Nor cheap! He'd have to pay for the live-in institution's monthly care fees, etc. Not your Shister. HE is your next of kin. It'd financially cripple him! Nor is it guaranteed that you wouldn't be given out-patient treatment (because you're not a risk to society nor yourself) - again, not cheap, particularly not when you factor in the travel expenses going back and forth for appointments, and the expensive meds. I'd have thought, then, that divorcing you would be a lot easier and cheaper, wouldn't you? IF, that is, what he was saying WASN'T all just complete and utter tripe. Broost is right. This strange, little, almost-too-hard-to-believe manchild in man's body isn't just a cheap, daytime soap character - he actually LIVES in the soap and believes whatever he purely imagines is real or true! He hasn't a clue how the real world works. Or is hoping to hell you don't? Or- that you don't either? Hmm.... You're an inventor. He's a fantasist. Yeah. I can quite easily see how there might possibly have been a case of mistaken identity, originally, thinking he and you you had so much in common, sparking a feeling of attraction. Is that how it happened, or was it at least an element in there somewhere, do you recall? ********** Be warned, though. He might less be secretly enjoying this and more allowing the smokescreen to continue while, in the background, he commences trying to secretly transfer money and assets from the divorce pot. You don't therefore, want to hang around. You'll need that solicitor consultation. The courts allow historical forensic investigation of his total finances and assets of up to 6 months following the Petition date, as standard. Only if grounds for suspicion are found will the judge order a farther flung search (another 2 years back). However, with him reading this thread, grounds for suspicion exist already, regardless. Don't you just love this thread? LOL *********** " I've lost weight. I simply can't eat." I call it the F-Plan Diet, but where the F doesn't stand for Fibre but does end in "er". It's one of the huge bonuses of this journey. Your mind knows (is convinced) you're in a war zone and that eating has to wait until after the battle has finished or at least abated for a while. Eating takes a back seat. However, you need nutrients if not calories (you've said you've got some stored - are overweight)) so - like I said early on - THEN DRINK. Soup. Hot Bovril water. Juice. Milk. Mineral Water. Coke. Tea. Coffee. Hot Chocolate. Red Wine. Guinness. And then, if you feel you can manage it at any point in the day, there's yoghurt, jelly, fromage-frais, ice-cream, cream cheese,... And single mouthfuls in the form of cherry tomatoes, olives, cream cheese portions, strawberries....CHUNKS OF MILK OR DARK CHOCOLATE! But if not, you can at least drink. Or sip. ************ Sorry, but someone who behaves like your ex friend is not a genuine friend. But as you now know, sometimes it takes just one thing to set them off and drop the Nice Guy/Gal act, whereupon you're Discarded (like a dirty tissue). Because you didn't move mountains to do what they wanted. So that was not a sackable offence. You had every right to gently refuse and suffer zero consequence. She sounds merely like a milder narcissist in a life surrounded by the uggers. Your family made you too tolerant to bad behaviour and assuming all families and people were like that really (nope) so it was just what you had to put up with if you wanted a family and social life (nope). She would, in comparison, have seemed really nice. But, as we see, she was still a narc. When you get to the point where you smell great to normal-healthies but repulsive to narcs, or even just live a narc-free life for a decent period, taking care of and spoiling yourself, you're going to realise what UTTER SHITE you put up with and mixed with. For example: "Tell me their lives are great" People whose lives genuinely are great, don't tend to tell other people how great their lives are. Other people tell THEM. Or it's never mentioned because it's so obvious, that it's taken as read that everyone can tell. (Think about it.)

Lastly for now, can you please tell me what your daily phoning therapist has so far had to say and advise about all of this?

Today has been weird. Even the weather for here is crazy - Artic Blast they are calling it. I'm rather despondent. Went for a walk & sat in the sun for awhile. Everything is out of kilter. I'd love for somebody to explain to me exactly what is going on today because my mind is fried. His usual daily pattern (on repeat for ages): Sleep in until anywhere between 1.30pm-3pm Ask me to get him 2 coffees Play games on his tablet for aprox. 1hr Talk to his friends on his laptop for aprox 1.5hrs Exercise in his room for aprox. 1hr Eat & drink something (usually I've prepared) Go back on Computer & do some online spread sheet stuff (this is his work at the mo & has a deadline so can space it out over the course of the week. So long as it is submitted on time by Thursday well then he'll get paid on Friday. He wears headphones & I'm told to SHUT UP so he can concentrate on it. Then late some afternoons he may go to the local shops around 4pm. If not he's back on his tablet with some more games. Then riding his exercise bike with music headphones on. Then 6pm the catch cry comes 'What's for Dinner?' He may attempt to pat the dog a couple times but she has taken to fleeing to a nook under the table these days if he even tries. MEANWHILE I DO EVERYTHING! The only thing I don't do is wipe his arse! TODAY A STRANGE CHANGE! I did all the housework at record speed to be out before he gets up. I went for my walk. Whilst on my walk I saw him going into the local fabric store? Childish of me but I quickly crossed to the other side of the road and hid behind a tree. I just didn't want to have to talk to him. I wanted to be alone. For a milli second I considered following. Decided against it. I headed home. Started more housework. Did all love & duties pertaining to the dog. He came in on night fall with a grocery bag in his hand & another bag (not see through which he whipped away quickly?) He pulled out 1 litre of milk (the type he likes, 1 packet of crumpets I don't eat those & one bag of dog treats) Then he leaned into the washing machine & pulled out (1 jumper of his, 1 undies his, 1 pair of socks his) & put them in the clothes dryer. I said 'um they weren't washed yet'. 'Don't care' was the answer. OUR ONLY COMMUNICATION IN THIS WHOLE DAY! Then he made himself a coffee. Told the dog come here for a pat & she ran away. He said 'yeah ignore me then'. He fed his fish. He fed his crabs. (he didn't feed the dog but never does). He ran upstairs & got wipes beginning to clean the surface areas just in his bedroom. He then vacuumed just in his bedroom. He was smiling & looking very satisfied with himself. I just kept out of his way. Said nothing. I can't honestly say the last time he did anything chore wise. I had to remind him constantly to take his coffee cup to the kitchen sink. HE NEVER WASHES IT. Just gets out a fresh one. Some days up to 7 mugs. He doesn't even change the dogs water bowl. put his cup on the kitchen sink. But in our argument last evening I yelled you aren't an adult! You are a petulant 10 year old child with a permanent arse dent in the lounge chair playing your childish games. Grow up! I'm sick of cleaning up under your sorry arse. Now it is evening. I'd normally make & serve dinner. Nope not going to. I'm in my room (grey rocking as instructed). I heard a loud bang. He comes running in my room obviously upset. I said what? Dog fell. Off the bend of his bed. She was apparently itching her ear & lost balance. It is quite a long way to fall. His bed is really high off the ground. Unusually so. Mine is way lower. He said she is shocked, not moving & shaking. I ran in to her. She is not hurt. But she is shocked, shaking & disturbed. HE DIDN'T HURT HER! PLEASE DON'T THINK THAT! The number of times she has rolled over & nearly fallen off the bed are numerous. I am shocked by what just flew out of my mouth without control. Give me my dog & get out of my room! He was taken aback. But I always come in here. NOT ANYMORE! He walked out with a 'for fucks sake I was only letting you know she fell off my bed'. To me he makes no sense whatsoever! I'm really down in the mouth. Therapist says 'she'll get back to me soon swamped & I'll here by the 15th June'. I rang Mum & Step Dad. Told them what has been going on. They told me 'you'll have to move yourself out then'. That was it. No offer of staying there. No offer of help moving. No offer of a loan. Can't blame them. I'm an adult & shouldn't need help. Bye

I had food prepared in the fridge for dinner meal time. He actually warmed it up himself in the microwave. BUT after eating he washed his one plate, one fork. Left the serving bowl, the knife, the spoon & his drinking glass dirty on the side of the sink? WTF! I don't get it?

Hi-Hi, "Today has been weird. Even the weather for here is crazy - Artic Blast they are calling it." So it's still sunny but - what - cooler with a stiff breeze? "I'm rather despondent." I knew you would be. That seeming comedown is natural after another typically over-melodramatic, highly negative (and still insane) episode. It shoved a whole new wodge of emotional sheets atop your already straining, emotional in-tray, that your mind now has to put neatly into order before reading, correlating, cross-referencing...with all the sheets your mind has filed under "Shoveband" since the day you met him (every person who know or know of, has their own filing cabinet in our mind...you have one dedicated exclusively to Whitney Houston, doncha know), and at the same time with all the sheets in the filing-room of your left/logical hemisphere (and a photocopy in the right/emotional hemisphere wherever necessary). That is not a small task. It doesn't leave much energy spare, meanwhile, bar for sitting in a dazed stupor. So be it. Remember you are now only the Deputy to your inner warrior's Sherrif and are in good hands. REST. Just listen to the birds and stare at the trees moving in the wind. Nature is a medicine for this sort of situation, it's very powerful and too often overlooked despite it's free. The Green of trees, walking through oxygen-rich countryside/woodland, or by water, (or all three preferably!) calms us down. "Went for a walk & sat in the sun for awhile." Yes, like that - well done, good decision. Fresh oxygen to fuel the mental filing clerks and increase their performance. "Everything is out of kilter." Sure is. "I'd love for somebody to explain to me exactly what is going on today because my mind is fried." Again, it's not fried, it's just busy processing. The filing-rooms' floor are COVERED in A4 sheets of paper and filing folders. So everything is up in the air at the moment. As soon as things start being organised and put into place, you'll be able to get your head around it that much more easily. And/or, of course, there are all the explanatory articles out there on the internet you could be reading while outdoors. But not yet - it's good to take time out, especially out in the oxygen richer air. Do more of that, please. "His usual daily pattern (on repeat for ages): Sleep in until anywhere between 1.30pm-3pm Ask me to get him 2 coffees Play games on his tablet for aprox. 1hr Talk to his friends on his laptop for aprox 1.5hrs Exercise in his room for aprox. 1hr Eat & drink something (usually I've prepared) Go back on Computer & do some online spread sheet stuff (this is his work at the mo & has a deadline so can space it out over the course of the week. So long as it is submitted on time by Thursday well then he'll get paid on Friday. He wears headphones & I'm told to SHUT UP so he can concentrate on it. Then late some afternoons he may go to the local shops around 4pm. If not he's back on his tablet with some more games. Then riding his exercise bike with music headphones on. Then 6pm the catch cry comes 'What's for Dinner?' He may attempt to pat the dog a couple times but she has taken to fleeing to a nook under the table these days if he even tries. MEANWHILE I DO EVERYTHING! The only thing I don't do is wipe his arse!" So basically, he does very little work and the rest of his time is spent like a bum...pleasing himself. (Yes, just LIKE a kiddie or young teenager!) He can't be paid much, then. That explains "the fund" and the state of your house. ********************* QUESTION: is it rented, mortgaged or owned outright? And can you read again to ensure you answer all of my previous questions, please? ********************* "TODAY A STRANGE CHANGE! I did all the housework at record speed to be out before he gets up. I went for my walk. Whilst on my walk I saw him going into the local fabric store? Childish of me but I quickly crossed to the other side of the road and hid behind a tree. I just didn't want to have to talk to him. I wanted to be alone. For a milli second I considered following. Decided against it. I headed home. Started more housework. Did all love & duties pertaining to the dog." You're confusing childish for sensible and intelligent. And it's not a strange change - this is what they do, how the narc playbook goes (an extreme psychology produces a limited and rigid, thus repetitive, set of behaviours in all those afflicted). They chop and change in their desperation to find a tactic that finally re-hooks you and STAYS working. He's having to work too hard to get a hookhold on you again, you see. Picture yourself as the mountain, with him the (not talented) mountaineer, clinging to its sheer face, trying to find somewhere to attach his crampion in order to climb up to your summit, when he can't see any position suitable so can't make a decision and just hangs there, reaching first left, then right, then up, then down...and repeat... yelling up to you, 'Come on, honey, please - pull me up (mew-mew)?..................PULL ME UP! YOU EFFING B*TCH, WHEN I GET UP THERE I'M GONNA KILL YOU!..................Oh, honey, I didn't mean that.... (and repeat) Victims often get emails or texts attempting to woo them back that (I kid you not) exactly like that, e.g.: '...because I love you so much, honey-boo-boo. But if you hadn't always been such A BITCH then I wouldn't have...' Because they at that point don't know which of their limited tools will work - wooing you back in or arguing you back in (with some old issue you want finally resolved) or bullying you back in or threatening you back in or bribing or blackmailing or promising to finally deliver some or other faked future goal/dream/change if you get back in (or just indicating this and a return to the Nice Guy you signed up for, through their behaviour)...and of course, trying to make you capitulate through appealing to your pity and maternal instinct... - and because they have zero patience for applying themselves consistently - switch to rapidly between one to the next, i.e. throw all tactics together and coming out with a confusing mishmash of contradictory attitudes and meanings that then backfires! (YES - INSANE AND STUPID.) This is where plain Malig Narcs are far superior. Probably because they're not jumped-up drifters in a (stolen or conned-off) suit whose livelihoods and having ANY social standing and reputation depend on getting you back, and are just in it for the power, control, desperation to be declared the winner at everything/anything, and twisted ego-boosting (because they can hold down a properly paying job, are not Anti Social to that degree). Malig Narcs care too much about their public image and reputation. A sociopath cares about those things only for as long as it gives them a free ride. Having an extreme attachment disorder, they don't attach to places, either, so if their public Nice Normal Quite Classy Guy gets ruined, he can just up and move to somewhere new without any mental difficulty. The spaths, I find, do tend to secretly be the slobby bums who do everything they can NOT to work more than the bare minimum (they can't get along with colleagues and places that demand consistently normal behaviour, or can for a while until they inevitably do something shocking and shameful, so get fired a lot and have to be "self-(barely)-employed"). They can't even provide for *themselves* - hence the dire need to always have a "partner" (not for growing love and a life together like they pretend and you're expecting). She doesn't even have to be rich. Just richer than him. Or just have SOME regular income. Or just be the provider of a status that makes other potential targets feel they're normal, low-risk blokes (respectable, married man) and appeal to those disposed to be mistress types desperate to prove or re-prove themselves (I'm so alluring I can even STEAL a man off another woman!") or desperate to have a convenient bit on the side that won't ask her to leave the husband...Point is, "stolen fruit". And then, of course, Linda down the road and her kind will be regularly "lending him 50 Quid" here and there or saving his from having to spend, somehow (e.g. my abusive wife won't give me the money for internet and that's why I suddenly can't send you nightly emails!...hint-hint).... Maybe he's busy secretly blackmailing someone? Nothing they do to continue always living off of or getting rich by other people's resources (and energy) surprises me any more. "He came in on night fall with a grocery bag in his hand & another bag (not see through which he whipped away quickly?) He pulled out 1 litre of milk (the type he likes, 1 packet of crumpets I don't eat those & one bag of dog treats) Then he leaned into the washing machine & pulled out (1 jumper of his, 1 undies his, 1 pair of socks his) & put them in the clothes dryer. I said 'um they weren't washed yet'. 'Don't care' was the answer. OUR ONLY COMMUNICATION IN THIS WHOLE DAY! Then he made himself a coffee. Told the dog come here for a pat & she ran away. He said 'yeah ignore me then'. He fed his fish. He fed his crabs. (he didn't feed the dog but never does). He ran upstairs & got wipes beginning to clean the surface areas just in his bedroom. He then vacuumed just in his bedroom. He was smiling & looking very satisfied with himself. I just kept out of his way. Said nothing. I can't honestly say the last time he did anything chore wise. I had to remind him constantly to take his coffee cup to the kitchen sink. HE NEVER WASHES IT. Just gets out a fresh one. Some days up to 7 mugs. He doesn't even change the dogs water bowl. put his cup on the kitchen sink." Oh, well, if he's feeding the fish and crabs then they'll be loyal to HIM while doggie, even aside from love, is loyal to you. Wouldn't exactly make for a fair fight if it came to it, but, hey-ho, LOL You realise that if he was brain-dead enough to make any aggressive bodily moves towards you now, doggie would attack him (and you'd see a side to doggy you didn't think existed, either)? He knows it, and that's why the complaints (excuses to stay away from her). They all do this, by the way, and it's fake ("Hah, didn`t hurt, don't care, I'm super-happy, hah!") and it is repulsively childish to watch. Others do it by merrily whistling or humming as they bang about - to force your attention on it, make sure you see it. It's to upset you - because you'd expect a normal bloke NOT to be ok (ANOTHER punch to your sensitivies and justice nerves. And - negative or positive - ATTENTION is always the point (albeit, in actual fact, neg attention is a bigger ego morsel for them). From the cliff face, he's yelling - FINE THEN, DON'T PULL ME UP, EFF YOU!...AND ANYWAY, I'VE DECIDED I *LIKE* HANGING HERE....WOW, WHAT A VIEW, COOOOLL.... ((GOOD. Then we'll let you stay there longer.)) "But in our argument last evening I yelled you aren't an adult! You are a petulant 10 year old child with a permanent arse dent in the lounge chair playing your childish games. Grow up! I'm sick of cleaning up under your sorry arse." Oooh, I say! You sounded like his mum there (or was that yours?. What was his reaction? "Now it is evening. I'd normally make & serve dinner. Nope not going to." OH - RELIEF! - FINALLY! "HAAAAAAAAA-LLELLUJLIA!" Nope, not ever again. He's proved you're just some housemate to him and always were. So - so is he. ((Goose and gander, pal, goose and gander IS HOW THE ADULT WORLD WORKS)) *************** Really pleased you've downed all wifely tools. Keep that up. *************** "I'm in my room (grey rocking as instructed). I heard a loud bang." Noted - well done. Oh, earwigo again with the attention-grabbing (yawn)... "He comes running in my room obviously ((PRETEND)) upset. I said what? Dog fell. Off the bend of his bed. She was apparently itching her ear & lost balance. It is quite a long way to fall. His bed is really high off the ground. Unusually so. Mine is way lower. He said she is shocked, not moving & shaking. I ran in to her. She is not hurt. But she is shocked, shaking & disturbed. HE DIDN'T HURT HER! PLEASE DON'T THINK THAT! The number of times she has rolled over & nearly fallen off the bed are numerous." ***************** YOU CANNOT ASK ME TO THINK EITHER WAY UNTIL YOU ANSWER THIS QUESTION TRUTHFULLY: iS she always shocked, not moving and shaking whenever that happens accidentally? ***************** "I am shocked by what just flew out of my mouth without control. Give me my dog & get out of my room! He was taken aback. But I always come in here. NOT ANYMORE! He walked out with a 'for fucks sake I was only letting you know she fell off my bed'." Awwwww... spath wants you to believe he really IS just a wickle boy under the silly scary boy act who doesn't know any better and meant well (puke). Either that or this is the usual, 'Well, I feel fine now so you have to feel fine instantly too (after all, it's not all as bad as you're making out blah-blah - which he's basically already spouted up there)'. "To me he makes no sense whatsoever! I'm really down in the mouth. Therapist says 'she'll get back to me soon swamped & I'll here by the 15th June'." Oh great. Covid backlogs as per, still. Well, "something up there" obviously wants it that way - it knows something you don't. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming... ***************** "I rang Mum & Step Dad." WELL DONE! Brave. That will have toned and hardened a muscle. :-) "Told them what has been going on. They told me 'you'll have to move yourself out then'. That was it. No offer of staying there. No offer of help moving. No offer of a loan." So when no offer came - why didn't you ask? "Can't blame them. I'm an adult & shouldn't need help." What rot. Who told you that? All adults need help here and there in their lives. Helping one another is what adults do and, again, why we have survived all this time and evolved so fast. Plus you're their daughter and step-daughter - a lifelong obligation (if one is normal) in terms of being there as one's main supporter emotionally and in useful ways. But, yes, if all you do imply or hint...leave it to THEM - no. They don't do or give anything willingly, you have to ask. And you have to offer them a hero-ship as you do it (you're the only 2 people who can save me!) so that they have an incentive (a tale of heroship to regale all future dinner guests with). And you have to keep asking, possibly even make a pest of yourself. They never say Yes to the first request. They never make ANYTHING easy. Ring back and offer lucky-lucky stepdad that scarce commodity called a hero-ship that will so impress people and have them all talking about him, ooh! If you get a No, then at least you know where you stand and have one less thing to wonder about or regret not having tried properly. Alternatively, you can wait to see what the 15th brings? Maybe couch the request as - if it TURNS OUT that you need their help, will they please? You can even try saying - Listen, I need a hero and I was hoping it would be you? Expect nothing, and just do it purely to give that muscle another pump (it's your warrior's star muscle). ********************************** "I had food prepared in the fridge for dinner meal time. He actually warmed it up himself in the microwave. BUT after eating he washed his one plate, one fork." Translation: screw you! "Left the serving bowl, the knife, the spoon & his drinking glass dirty on the side of the sink? WTF! I don't get it?" Full translation: screw you, Slave/Mummy/Chambermaid/Person here to serve me no matter what! I get that you're having to still share food, but - PLEASE tell me you didn't wash them? The most you're free to do is stack them neatly by the sink (His Pile). No doubt the pile will start to grow, so wash any item only because you alone need it (which at least dilutes it down to - I will wash your stuff for my benefit, not yours, Housemate!). Anyway, I'm a bit under the weather with the heat so - I hope all of that made sense? What I notice, however, is the battle has in his mind (for the time being) become one called, Who Can Cold-Shoulder The Best. PS: Don't forget to check you've answered or acknowledged every point and question of mine from yesterday. Reading it all again will help make it make sense (even if all that means is just going without any more uncertainty into the He Is Insane So Makes No Sense file) that much faster as well.

My Victim Impact Statement: I have lived as though an ant under a microscope. Each syllable uttered critiqued. Every word spoken corrected. I've been tape recorded at my lowest moments. Never knowing that every argument was being kept to be used as a weapon at a later date. My personality analysed by a person without any credentials. My character assassinated. I have been berated. I have been belittled. I have lived with the threat of being 'Put Away' by the Authority that is YOU. I have endured shouts & screams of 'I HATE YOU' countless times (even on my Birthday and Christmas Eve). I've had a trial without a jury. One single person deciding my fate and what I deserve. Exacting your punishment for crimes I was not aware I was committing. You started a campaign of shame. You set out to humiliate and humble me. You bought me to my knees literally with tears running down my face. Sobbing, gasping, gulping on the floor. Your interrogation has gone on for a very long time. I have a name but you rechristened me 'The Voice' on your audio recordings and you've spent hours typing out the transcripts, copying them onto USB just in case you should lose your precious commodity. I have been labelled 'EVIL'. This I guess I may be. However, the act of recording a person as they fall apart can only be done by a STONE. Only a person incapable of feeling would have the presence of mind to grab their device & click a switch so that they could record for all time & prosperity the disintegration of another persons self esteem, sense of worth & overall contentment. Great idea at their lowest point record them. If I have inflicted pain and/or hurt on you it was done so unawares. Subconsciously and never deliberately because I LOVED YOU. Anybody who had a heart could not be so cold. Dry eyes staring into the face of a confused soul and you smirk gleefully holding your recorder over aiming towards me. When a human being loves another truly they can't bare to watch or witness that person as they fall apart into a torn heap. When a person truly loves their desire is to pick you up off that floor, hold them and tell them everything will be alright. Like the way I held you as you shook and cried back in February. Like the way I held your hand & wiped your eyes when your job of 8 years ended abruptly without warning. You believe whole heartedly in your mind how you are the victim of me. So you closed off your heart and your soul. Little to know demonstrative indication of sincere affection. A 3 second pat on the back with your body 1 foot from actually touching me. I give more affection to the dog. A flippant 'I love you' comes out of your mouth RARELY but it doesn't ring true as it is stated in record speed, from a distance & mumbled as though you don't really want to say it. That was because you never meant it. You needed to say it in response to my declaration. I even saw your face contort & cringe one night. Did you think I was blind? You keep repeating on a daily rotation 'you are an Abuser' as though you need to convince yourself of it. I trusted you to be understanding of my flaws. Accepting that I'm not a perfect person but love me regardless knowing all the ways I've shown you I care, protect, cook & clean for the one I love. There have been many happy times, fun even. They've been dispelled. Wiped away as though they never happened. Swept under the carpet because of an desperate need to exact 'revenge'. Your desire to punish the guilty one (me) is so strong. Your vibe is so dark. Your need to see me squirm has become so strong that it can be felt by our dog. Your accusations reverberate off the brick walls. Taunted daily with the 'what is wrong with you' song played on repeat with the volume up high so that the neighbours can hear your suffering and commiserate. I am hopelessly flawed so you made it your mission to break me down. Make me pay (your words). I deserve it (your words). Spoken in anger with glaring dark eyes & contorted facial expression. Take your moment. Make the Pathetic One get back in line & order. My perceived ABUSE is your justification for the hours of time you've invested collecting your evidence. Like an angry poem I wrote about my Grandparents in a moment of despair a number of years back. It was my only way to relieve the pressure & steam. Well you took it out of my personal private box which was locked in my bedroom cupboard. You learnt it off by heart & recite it back at me. Congratulations! Be proud! You stole my personal property to make me squirm. You've made me regret. You've humiliated me and humbled me. Your vendetta was to even the score. I believe you've successfully achieved it. You've followed me around lecturing, berating me and handing out your threats of more personal damage literally while I was doing your washing, your cooking, your dishes, your cleaning and your dog care. Taken for granted. No present I've bought for you was ever good enough! Complaints and demands for dockets have always ensued. Things have been cast aside not even opened such was your level of disinterest or disgust. No matter the money spent or hours searching stores. Total lack of appreciation. You have been cruel with accusations, recriminations & reprisals. Humbled, humiliated, mocked and taunted. You have exacted your malicious intent. My intent was to LOVE. I wasn't always good at it. Your intent has been to crush me with blow after blow of insults. I have zero intelligence, no originality and my imagination capable of just one dull baseline. I'm a boring trope. Just to name a few. However, in my opinion (which counts for nothing right) my crimes of abuse have long since been out weighed by your crimes of revenge. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I shake and I can't function. Well done. Game, Match, Score. You will say you mirrored me. I have been destroyed single handed by the one person I trusted and most loved in this World. It seems I taught you well. You've made me pay for being 'me'. Is revenge not an evil act? Revenge is mine say the Lord. I guess this makes you God. I have indeed felt your smite. Two sides to every story but I've been crucified like Jesus Christ himself. I knew not what I do! However, this victim of me wilfully, deliberately and determinedly set out to destroy my spirit, my happiness, my confidence and my life. Making me now the victim of you. You feel it is justified. I am a troubled soul (girl interrupted) but one that still had love to give. I dreamed of happy times together. You set about to tear me apart which shattered all hope and dreams. Well Done. You outwitted. You outlasted. You stole my confidence. You crippled me. You could have just walked away! Your preference was stay to crush, kill and destroy any chance of harmony in our home. You succeeded. An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. A claw for a claw. You got your pound of flesh. You punished me for my supposed criminal acts (real or imagined) with criminal acts. The Abused became the Abuser. Even after your intentional/deliberate emotional abuse to teach me a lesson for my verbal abuse WELL you took it a step further with destruction of my favourite property. You knew what to destroy to really hurt me and so you did. You have been jury, judge and God. If evil is a disease then I think you've caught it. If my crime was manslaughter then your crime is murder. You have put up with all my shit and I in turn have put up with all of yours. The scales are balanced. The score is now EVEN. Consider for a second how I have been the one person in this world who has loved you the most. If I am mentally ill then it should have been faced head on I agree but with compassion and calm conversation. Why not handle me with a gentle demeanour, love and understanding? Two wrongs did not make a right. OH you've cured me. I am afraid to open my mouth to speak out of fear my words will be twisted, misconstrued or recorded. I'll go forth never trusting another human soul. Thank You. Baby take a bow. The show is over say good-bye. END GAME!

You are catching on. Narcissists always eventually abuse their friends and lovers. It's what they do. If you can't physically move out right now, do so mentally.

So, Broost - you do know a lot about NPDs and the Cluster Bs? (HAHA, sounds like a pop group) OH JOY! (We have more anti-Narc help, Lils!) *thumbs-up* PS: And can you tell Narcs, Malig Narcs, Sociopaths and Psychos apart yet, from behavioural descriptions (and leaving aside co-morbidities)?

My whole family is stunted with psych dysfunctions. I'm old, I have spent the last 60 years staying out of their way, and manipulating them as necessary. I'm in the driver's seat now, it's not a bad place to be. A good place to get good advice regarding these matters is the Psychology Today blog roll, I've been reading it for years. My personal story has been one awful nightmare I don't wish anyone to go through. All narcissists think they are inventing the wheel, but they must come off an assembly line somewhere. They are mostly different versions of the same kind of people be it a Grandiose Narcissist, Borderline Personality Disorder, Sociopath or Psychopath. As far as Shadowperson's man, this isn't his first visit to the narcissism rodeo. He's blatantly breaking laws. My guess is that he has some type of history, criminal or domestic violence history that he forgot to tell his lady love. Seek and you will find, the Internet is your friend.

COUNTER-Manipulated, if you please? :-) Let's tell it like it is, save confusion for the newbies. Anyway, thanks for the sp! Good to know, as I say! We're outnumbered on here in terms of target-victims like Trans. Yep - grabbing the ship's wheel when you realise you're the only non-toxic sailing on the damn thing. That's all that's ever on the menu with these bozos because of their total inability to do equality with anyone. It's all a competition so if you don't win you're The Loser, that's how they see it. So your choice is only ever between Master or Slave, and you've chosen Master (albeit proper, fair one, I'm sure). Yes, Psychology Today has been going from strength to strength on that score - although it does depend on whichever writer (credentials are great but pretty useless without having been through it yourself, especially given how some of it is beyond words both written or spoken). They've done a lot of informing victims. Probably saved lives. "All narcissists think they are inventing the wheel" Haha, don't they just! Very well put! I don't agree with (genuine, correctly-diagnosed) BPDs being in the B Group, though. But never mind, I take your point. No, it's not his first to the narc rodeo, per se. I do, however, still think he's pick up tips from Adrian (who could be an actual aspd psycho from the sounds of how his victim behaved). Or should I say, did think. Because... Assuming you know anything about modern-day employment laws? - what would you think on hearing someone tell you that - (1) after as many as eight whole long years, they'd been (2) fired in the first place, AND (3) ABRUPTLY, WITHOUT WARNING? Is that what's behind your 'guess' aboout his history? Or just from the fact you know that sociopaths and psychopaths are usually the ones who were in trouble with the law (more than once or twice) as kids/teens?

Thanks for the Rap Sheet, Trans! I won't comment to it yet, though, as you've yet to reply to my latest.

Nobody gets fired without warning. People like to think they get fired without warning because they are not perceptive or maybe ignore letters sent to HR. Narcissists do the same thing over and over and over again. They don't learn. They sometimes pretend they are self-actualizing but they almost always revert to their original behavior. I can tell you this, the whole shebang gets sadder as you watch them get older and not wiser. This guy is following a script, a script he has most likely used before. This means there is probably a paper trail, as in restraining orders, domestic violence charges, misdemeanors. He's breaking laws and that doesn't seem to bother him. He thinks he is a gaslighting expert. The techniques he is using, the blame game, making the OP doubt herself, making her feel like the bad person, this is amateur hour with zero creativity. He's a putz and that is all he will ever be. If I were in her shoes I'd be concentrating on the dioramas and not on this guy.

OK...I appreciate the support...I truly do folks BUT you are all going off on tan gems now which are not accurate at all. As a matter of fact in some areas completely wrong. This needs to be addressed. In fairness to my Partner. These surmises are getting way out of hand. Assumptions that he drinks alcohol heaps. Smokes ciggies or other substances. Exact opposite he doesn't ever! Never has. Clean cut & raised well. He has high standards for himself. Your image painted is completely wrong. He works out. Eats healthy. Doesn't touch sugar. He has issues with being a Narc. He is controlling to me BUT he has never been what you are all portraying. You guys are Guessing. I think I should for fairness jump in here & make amendments where it is needed. He is not a bum & NEVER has been. Quite the opposite. He had kept a High Powered/High Pressure Job for 8 years straight. He got awards. He was one of their top, long standing STAFF. Many came & went as they couldn't handle the pressure or work load. He was exceptional. The Staff loved him & so did his clients. He was ranked one of the highest Achievers in our State printed in our Newspaper. He is really academic. Dresses really well. He is excessively INTELLIGENT which is one of the main issues. He was a Montessori child. He out smarts me constantly. He is super articulate. He was not SACKED! Has NOT been in & out of jobs until COVID-19 Hit here. He started work at 15 years of age & was very determined to achieve. He wanted a good career. He only recently stopped. He has under taken courses outside of work to further educate himself. He has been Scouted by Companies begging him to jump on board. His work place changed management. The new owners were fierce. They let ALL the staff go to begin again their own way (one guy had been with them for 25 years & very nearly committed suicide when the New Owners dismissed them all!) Only one person remained behind. She ended up being treated so badly by the new Management that she finally quit. He still meets up with a couple of his work mates sporadically for dinners out. They LOVE HIM. They use him for advice & help with their financial matters. Has never had another girl friend but me. We were each others first. Does not cheat as he dislikes cheaters greatly. He has high standards & does not like sluts. WE are NOT Trailer Trash which I feel is being depicted here. I know I've lived with him for a long time! He doesn't like the way Adrian is with his wife. Reading all the recent comments it has started to feel overtly judgmental. The character summary is unfair and inaccurate. Straight away after his whole work were LET GO! Other ex-employees went on Welfare. HE got straight out there & sought employment even though he was stressed & shattered over the loss of the job he adored. It didn't even take 3 weeks! The phone kept ringing with him being Scouted by big Companies due to his fantastic reputation in the business. He fought to get his client book which the new Management took all their personal possessions out of their lockers. EVERYBODY! Not just his. IT was a team of 7. One woman remained behind as she begged to. Promised to follow the new protocols. Took a lesser wage. Was insulted publicly. He HAS strong connections to Pro Football Players, Rich Cup Winning Horse Owners, TV Personalities etc. He was crushed when the owner of the Company he worked for (behind all employees back without their knowledge) just sold the Company for a profit. They lost their bonuses which were due. It was really a bad time! He NEVER faced it or got over it. He jumped straight back on that Horse after it bucked him off. So he began a new similar job (even negotiated the wage plus incentive bonuses with them as they scouted him & they knew he had other offers). The phone rang off the hook. So within no time at all he was back working. He had two weeks training and then within his first month had outdone their staff who had worked there for years! Most adored him. Phoned him for laughs outside work hours. Two were very jealous & made that obvious. He'd not been there 5 weeks when the Staffs children came down with COVID-19 and it started spreading through the City Workplace. Our State was then LOCKED DOWN at lightening speed by our Govt. lasting for months. He was at home & anxious. No income! His new workplace phoned constantly checking in & saying they didn't want to lose him. He'd only been with them less than 5 weeks but was a Champion at the job. They promised him when the scare had passed his job would be there for him with an increase in his wage. We didn't catch covid. However, it spread throughout his colleagues FAST. They all had children who they think bought it home. The Pandemic took hold. On & off LOCK DOWNS here. Govt took ages to do anything for the people! All out of work due to being locked down at home. The Stress took a toll on him. It destroyed him. I watched it happening in front of my very eyes. He did online courses/study to update his skills. I was told to shut up, be quiet, tip toe around, don't let the dog bark, don't clang the dishes in the sink when I cleaned them (whilst he studied at home via correspondence on his Computer). Unemployed, no income we were living off his savings for nearly two years. Before we got any assistance from the Government. We were left high & dry. I am not a bum either. I may be at home permanently for health reasons but I run an online store with crafts I make. BUT even our Post Offices were shut in Lock down. So I lost my little income which I'd had for years! We only JUST reopened here! After two years of hardship. Things aren't entirely back to normal but it is beginning to begin again. He went straight out looking for work. HIS NEW COMPANY went bankrupt due to the Pandemic. His OLD COMPANY went bankrupt due to the Pandemic. THEY DID NOT RE OPEN! They explained & apologised profusely over the phone. We were still in lockdown at the time. They gave him brilliant Referrals for his Resume. People ARE NOT INVESTING! People here are financially struggling. His type of work did not reopen. We only have Restaurants, Bars/Clubs, Small Businesses & Groceries operating at present. Some other types of work also. His was for the Elite. Rich & Famous. World recognised names he worked for. Most have closed permanently. Others are working from home on Skeleton Staff but they are failing. Everyone here took financial blows whilst our Govt did not support us. So many big name Companies gone belly up! I have other health issues on top of my main one. 7 in total. Some days it is very difficult for me to achieve the basic chores. My Doctor declared me High Risk as my Immunity is permanently compromised. I did get an infection shockingly not the Vid (ambos needed & admitted to Hospital for 2 days). Doc declared it highly likely Partner might bring germs in from a work place that could kill me. Doc said he'd have to work from home. I was isolated. Not even permitted to go to the shops. This too passed (my health improved). Partner got a job working from home on line. Spread sheets & stuff I don't understand. Way less money. A big step down in life for him. I am planning on re-opening my online store as I'm better now. I now get a small part pension from the Govt to tide us over & help us out. It took ages to get that! He is unhappy with his life. I am too blame in part. He is depressed. He is filled with anxiety. I don't want to be cruel to him. I LOVE MY PARTNER! Always have. A part of me always will. But during the two year LOCKDOWN he has become very controlling, demanding, angry & mean spirited. He is not a pot smoking, alcohol drinking slob or bum. He is not a cheat. I am certain of that. He aims high. He ADORES all animals! Always has. He would not EVER hurt our dog. His yelling & shouting at me has made a super submissive dog even more afraid. Verbal not Physical! He is very upset she favours me.

PS No ex girlfriends. No mis-demeanours. No record with Police. Has never even spoken to one in his life. Not even a parking ticket. Furthermore BROOST we live by different Work Related Rules here to where you are living obviously. Also, at your own admission you are elderly & perhaps work related issues have somewhat changed now from what you were familiar with. The Company he'd been with for 8 years did indeed sell out beneath them! It is called a 'Take Over'. The employees knew NOTHING OF IT. Until they arrived in to work one morning & there were new people inside waiting by the main entry door of the building. My Partner & one other were Company key holders. They saw the strange people through the glass & tried their keys in the lock. It no longer turned. One of the new people let them into the foyer area so they were not standing out on the Street (by now each of the 7 employees had turned up for their day to work). They were completely blind sided. It was cruel! They were told 'we own this Company now you are all let go you may not enter or get your things. Your services are no longer required. You will be paid to the end of this week'. Then the 6 were shown the door! The 2 women were crying. The 4 men were in shock. Only the one woman they kept on stayed behind. They all walked down the Street shaken & visibly upset. Partner phoned me immediately & told me what just happened & was going on. He took them the other 5 to a CAFE & shouted coffee/cakes to calm & soothe each other & to discuss what had just taken place. The men were furious. Jenny was considered a TRAITOR. They were in shock that she'd known for the past two days this was coming. She never breathed a word of warning to any of them.

Oh...more to address... We live in what was a lovely rented 3 bedroom Villa. Earlier this year our State was hit with a Critical Flood! See the World news. We were inundated & house bound. Our local creek became a dangerous river of rapids. Homes were lost. It was declared a National Disaster! We could not get out for food or water (which got contaminated). Our courtyard was filled like a swimming pool up to our waist. The retaining wall gave way. Trees fell. IT WAS SHOCKING! It took ages to dry out & clean up. Our roof was leaking RIVERS down our walls & across our carpet. The downpours so heavy you had to shout to be heard over the rain. Where we live is usually drought. Dry, crispy. The ground could not absorb the excess water. Our lights went in & out there was water in the electricity. The computers went on & off with water on the lines. The phone was crackling. The transformer over the road exploded in flames. IT WAS A REALLY BAD TIME EARLIER THIS YEAR! The result is we have mould/mildew NOT A LITTLE A LOT! The place is damp still. Smelly. We've done all we can to remove as much as we can. Which made us both sick for two weeks! But it requires Professional help. Our Property Manager has us on a long waiting list of 2 years as others lost their homes & very nearly drowned. Every time it rains since the walls have little internal water falls coming down. Rent has gone through the roof as everybody is relocating! Google South East Queensland Floods 2022 in Feb through March.

Trans, I'm sorry to sound difficult but I really can't cope with "great walls of China" of text like that - it does my head in and literally gives me a headache or visual migraine. That's why I asked you before, not to do it? I have tried - multiply now - and failed. Can you please correct them by inserting a generous amount of paragraph breaks? Thanks, missus.

Trans? Why the no-show. Is everything okay?