Why would he tell me this?

I, F(21) was dating this M(30), but he broke things off with me because he said he thought the age difference would cause problems in the future. We are currently fwb. I spent the night at his place Saturday and he dropped me off at home the following morning. As we were in the car he told me this “funny story” about a girl approaching him and telling him he was exactly the guy she was looking for and that she wanted to date him. He said he thought she was pretty and that he had never been approached by a girl before. But, it turned out she was only 19, but he said that if he were younger he would date her. I know we are only fwb, so I shouldn’t care, but I still didn’t like hearing this and I don’t understand why he would tell me this. I told him I'd rather he hadn't told me that and that I felt jealous and he said he took that as a compliment. I cant stop thinking about it.

Hi, JDE245, He has NOT broken it off with you. Plus, there was never genuinely any It to begin with - you were conned into believing you had a new, exclusive, committed boyfriend. This is a very common tactic with the FWB (commitmentphobic/irresponsible player type) male or Harem-Collector (Narcissist, Malignant Narcissist, Narcissistic Sociopathic or bigger cousin Narcissistic Psychopath...probably NOT the latter, they tend to be busy frying bigger fish than in the domestic abuse pond). It's "an Old Chestnut", being done all over the world as we speak and for God-knows how many years. He has simply spent however many weeks/months revving you up into a bonded state (you alone) and then, when he could tell you were hooked to where dumping him would hurt too much, demoted you to free-of-charge prostitute. (Shall I punch his face right now or will you?) To keep you in this game despite it feels, let's be honest, BLOODY INSULTING to your calibre and allure, he's now trying to insert another hook - this one, called, Competitiveness With Another Woman. When concerns a Narc., it's called Triangulation. So, basically, he's trying to shut you up and keep you in the game by stealing a big chunk of your pride and self-worth - and in such a way whereby you feel your only chance at feeling better about yourself again, and not hating yourself for hating it all but continuing anyway (that's the downside of your even healthy ego for ya!), is to MAKE HIM give it back. I´m afraid you're going to have to get it back from other sources. You will NEVER get it back from him. Other sources include being a Good Samaritan, creating things or finally tackling and completing things you've been putting-off that normally daunt you (art, crafts, boring admin. stuff, whatever makes you pat yourself on the back, saying, "I did that!"). Learning a new skill (language?) is good too. AND FASTER and less hassle than trying to pin THIS idiot down so you can finally get him to empty his pockets and snatch it back. He's a snake - although, they should say Eel because - they're very slippery. Your only other choice (but you have to be an experienced, Super-Nova Empath-Vigilante for this) is to play him back and play him better. "Out-Narc-ing The Narc". Your outward behaviour must have been affected and made him sense you're not happy with him and the situation and could some point soon reach "Enough!" and Constructively Dismiss yourself...hence this NEW hook to make up for the weakened original Love Hook. So in a nutshell, he's inserted this Jealousy Hook. Funny how the age difference was never a barrier until he demoted you, eh. No, the age diff wasn't a barrier. But now it's become a handy tool - an excuse to break it off but not really. Their methods aren't very sophisticated, though....everything is mainly blah-blah-blah with them. And people go on about them being award-winning actors. But they're not actually: If someone gets you addicted to Love Heroin and then suddenly threatens to leave you facing painful, seriously life-disrupting Cold Turkey "unless you do this" (a message which they might only send behaviourally - like he's doing - in this case, "this" being, accept the insulting, unbefitting demotion as includes no right to protest at the disrespectful treatment (like a bona fide gf could) and the fact he gets all the perks for no work as opposed to you doing all the work for no girlfriend status or perks - then, you'll bloody believe and agree with practically anything not to go through that detox. You are now a Heroin addict, achieved by all the button-pushing he's been doing since you met - just manufactured by your OWN BRAIN, no outside substances needed. And so he's your supplier. Getting and keeping you hooked, to where you say, Yes sir, no sir, whatever you say, sir, and where he feels clever for being able to dupe women into becoming members of his (others-unseen) harem, feeds his sick (always hungry but never sate-able) ego. HE is the real addict, not you. Bet you feel FAR worse as a mere FWB than you did when he pretended to break things (your right and status) off, don`t you? Were I myself a Narc....I wouldn't SAY what he said, I'd BEHAVE it. You can do this part yourself, no problem. Just think about how differently things with you would start to increasingly feel if YOU had been asked-out a lot recently. You're not disrespectful and crass so NO WAY would you tell him! You wouldn't want to cut off that other option, would you (we beans like having options). You'd keep it to yourself and the only way he's suspect something were up would be because, suddenly, you would't be as available (or interested). So you WOULDN'T immediately pick-up whenever he contacted. And you'd be (cough!) out on nights where you were in. You'd be saying..."Um...can we switch Tuesdays to Wednesdays from now on" (without saying why until pressed to - e.g. you've started a yoga class). Things like that, yes?...you can picture the differences he'd feel, yes? Probabably, no woman said anything. And, anyway - oh, he can't date her because she's too young...how convenient. No. He just wants you to believe that your hold over him - which SHOULD be secure - is now SO TENUOUS that you'd better try HARDER to keep him NOT.PISSED.OFF because you're hanging by a thread. (Nah. He is. And he knows it.) But there is no "having a relationship" with these personality disordered people because the nature of their disease makes them NOT WORK RIGHT, despite they look and sound normal, even impressive, on the surface. They can't bond. Some can to about 6 months worth (pff! - great) but their brains, unlike our intact, healthy ones, can't then shunt onto the next track in the pair-bonding process programme in order to progress and strengthen the romantic-human bond (to where you move in, marry, then sprog, etc.). ALL they can do is play "I'm in-love". So when the Honeymoon Period ends, they tend to cause fights that alienate you both BACK into Honeymoon (but a less good honeymoon each time or a shocking, one-fell-swoop demotion such as yours). That's all they can do with Love. Because they can't feel it. Only the head-rush of Honeymoon. Because of that (due to a broken or missing sense of vital Empathy), they're pretty useless to other healthy people - even in the workplace, ultimately. Your boyfriend is a secret loony. End Of. They do tend to (seem to) be bloody good in bed, thereby making it feel meaningful, even spiritual, thus "meant to be, you and me" - because this hooks healthy women harder...and women (AND some men victims) will do ANYTHING for love (or their programmes will make them, I should say). So you're going to have to get the better of your base programming and (1) put up with it (not advised!), or (2) dump him in the bin where he belongs, grieve a bit, then find a new boyfriend, or (3) play him better at his own game (after which you'll feel like dumping anyway). I don't think he'll manage a harem. His methods are too crass and obvious - especially for someone as old as 30. I think he's TRYING to. But that girl probably just asked him for the time and gave him the idea. If he's a Narc, rather than a Peter Pan merchant (stuck in immaturity), then he's not a very clever or practised one where comes to the dating arena. But the fact he could do that to you or any woman, proves he's no good and useless so just a waste of your time and a leecher of your sense of confidence and self-worth. Wait for a bloke you feel chemistry with but who has the means to make it develop into a mutually healthy, ever-increasing bond. Obviously that template is your match, otherwise you wouldh't feel any need to complain about this shoddy treatment (who does he think he pigging is!!!). So this - "I know we are only fwb, so I shouldn’t care" and "I can't stop thinking about it" - is healthy and natural to feel in response to this whacko bag of behaviour of his since you first met. It's you being angry at your Auto Pilot getting the better of what Conscious, Thinking You, would prefer to feel free to do: say to him, UGH, YOU SMELL...AND YOU'RE UGLY - I'M OFF!

PS: FWB is a narcissistic male set-up and myth. It does NOTHING for women. Except for ruin their self-esteem and have them acting like desperate doormats and hating themselves for it but "unable" to stop. Never agree to that GIANT, FEMALE CONNING-JOB again! Tell him he can hire an escort or visit a brothel and damn well pay for it. Present him with a bill when you do dump, yeh? For services rendered. Who told him HE gets to decide and enforce all the rules! Oh, and hand him a wrapped lollypop (a Chubba-Chup or whatever they're called) and say - 'Here, paedo! - you'll be needing this!' (Well, I feel a bit better now anyway, after that rant, LOL. Do you? Try one of your own, right here. Let's hear what you really think of this dweeb-brain.)

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply to my post.I really appreciate it. It was hard, but I ended things with him. Yesterday he told me he didnt like the way I reacted to that story about that girl. I told him I didn’t want to hear it and he seriously said “Just let me have my win” If someone had approached u, I would have been hyped”

Sweet of you to say so BUT NEVER MIND THAT - Well DONE!!!! "Yesterday he told me he didnt like the way I reacted to that story about that girl." Oh, here we go... Narcs like to make out that how you react to their abuse and inappropriate behaviour is now the only real, far bigger problem, not the fact they abused you. The reason he's done that is because YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT AND HE COULDN'T STAND IT. I used to say to that nonsense: If you don't like the flavour of the choccie bar that falls out into my tray, then, don't go putting your 10p in its slot...duuuuh. "“Just let me have my win”" Oh did he. That's very revealing. Bit honest for a bog-standard Narc. Methinks that fits with the Sociopathic Reveal, whereby they confess a nugget of self-unflattering information or, this case, reveal their secret agenda, just to see if you don't pick up on it...or to play with your head or whatever. But, so, now what we have is his trying to present deliberately making your fwb jealous as a perfectly reasonable and acceptable thing to do (ha!). Furthermore, who needs to bother making a mere FWB jealous? And who told him that you're supposed to compete (nastily) with your own gf/fwb- let's just say the woman in your life?? *NOBODY* WANTS TO HEAR IT. EVER. NOR MEN. IT'S A GIANT NO-NO. ALWAYS. "If someone had approached u, I would have been hyped" And that bit is pure BS. I think even primary schoolkids know those two. So how come he doesn't? He does. The whacko bit is that he thinks he can compete and abuse his romantic partners, even if he has to behave like a pre-schooler. (No Shame, No Remorse - Sociopath tick!). But again, his methods are very unsophisticated and as subtle as a brick. Yep, he's toxic but a thickie and he's doing what no Sociopath can resist (the Reveal). You've dodged a HUGE bullet! Dead proud of you - look how instantly you ejected him! GOLD STAR. :-)

I now recommend you start studying up online or on youtube about how to do No Contact and how to avoid getting Hoovered regardless. If they didn't get to be the one (there's that inappropriate competition again) to dump you first, even if they don't really want you/have a replacement already, they'll try to get you back...wait until you feel secure again and relax (in reaction to their spurt of Love Re-Bombing)...then suddenly callously and cruelly dump you (possibly treating you even worse in the run-up). REALLY petty and immature, isn`t it? Sociopaths are either the most persistent stalkers or (if you saw through them for the nasty individual they are) don't ever contact you again. Best to be prepared, though. (Seriously impressed, JDE245.)

Thank you for your help :). it's definitely been hard getting used to not talking to him, and coming to terms with the fact that he isn't the person that I thought he was.I just try to remind myself that he is a huge jerk!

Thank you for your help :). it's definitely been hard getting used to not talking to him, and coming to terms with the fact that he isn't the person that I thought he was.I just try to remind myself that he is a huge jerk!

You're very welcome. Yes, of course it'll be hard. Well, it'll be easy one day or week but hard the next...good days, bad days. But, although I, personally, can't always attend here on a daily basis, other veteran and guest advisers could feel free to contribute (hopefully, especially now I've said that) - if you think you'd benefit from transferring your addiction to something far healthier (chatting with us on here)? Take a look at Lily31's thread. He's worse than a jerk. He's a very, VERY, SEETHINGLY angry, and cannot relate to or respect women, particularly. You know how sex slavers operate, I take it? He's the Small Pond variety. And I do think he's a skirting (covert who skirts the Grey area) paedophile, actually: (1) Think about it: why not make you jealous by saying A WOMAN CLOSER TO HIS OWN AGE made a pass? See it now? Thirty is usually when a woman is at her sexiest-ever! You'd DEFINITELY feel threatened if that had been the case, wouldn't you - if you were apt to, to begin with, I mean. (2) He was the casting director and yet he cast a teenager! In in his mind, it was obviously closer to hand than the above, far superior tack! (3) There again, you'd only KNOW it were tactically superior if you, wait for it, had any inkling about how women tend to think and feel about stuff that's important to them, Big Fat Eh! (The Sociopathic-level Narc doesn't know what to do with women, save for, have sex with them, feel powerful, dump bad feelings onto them, use them to save money/grow richer, etc.. And even then, he resents them for "making him" fancy them and WANT to (or HAVE to) have sex with them. (I said loonytune and I meant it, LOL) To put an even finer point on it: (4) HE would see a teenager as a threat to you - hence, used 'her' as one! (5) There is a HUGE difference between a 30-year-old and a 20-21-year-old. You won`t really see it until you hit 30 and look back at this. You'll go, EW, WHAT A WEIRDO PERVERT!!! Trust me, you will. (6) Any normal healthy man (albeit one of those wouldn't play stupid mind-games to begin with), would have casted her fairly equal to his age. It wouldn't occur to them to make her 19. And if it did - THEY'D DIE WITH SHAME AND DISTASTE AT THE THOUGHT - thus would make her of fairly equal age. And note he suffers from what I call, Opposites Day. He said he's have been psyched if you'd been the one telling him some bloke had made a pass at you. Oh yeah? Well, in THAT case, why in the same breath call it A WIN FOR HIM! I.e. him scoring a point against you (as if in competition with you)? Gottim! Because logically, then, were it you who'd told him about an advance toward you, you'd be the winner thus him THE LOSER. (Oh...WANTS to feel inferior and bad about it, does he? Yeah, right.) See how easy it was for me to pull that lot apart and lay it out, to where the pure nonsense of it is more obvious? And that's only the half of it! This, btw, is how they see every human relationship: a competition, a constant battle of the egos, and a constant exchange (tit only ever for tat - you first, and then they'll slowly dwindle down to nothing, just taking. And Sociopaths are REALLY GREEDY. And insatiable. I call them Pacman. Greedy, Mean Bullies (including emotionally and psychologically) pick on people smaller or weaker/weak-at-the-time because they're not just cowards, throwing brainwashing techniques under the table and from behind the sandbags (do it or agree with it OR THE RELATIONSHIP GETS IT!), but NASTY PEOPLE cowards, ones that can't self-sooth (over nothing, usually), except by manipulating someone else to feel bad and/or feeling they have power over them (to disturb them and make them give-way all the time lest they want another mental pasting or spaghettifying). Bet if you'd persisted with your confrontation, he'd had come out with ssome other classic, to shut you up, like, "Awww, you're too over-sensitive...I just like winding people up for a laugh, that's all". (Retort: 'A laugh for whom?...but, anyway - I do seem to be, yes....but only ever with you- ...like, for the first time in my life...EVER! ....Hmmm...that's odd....wonder what that could mean...?' In other words: Behave yourself, pal - I'm onto you. But just as EQUALLY in other words - you're( and can't work it out, lol. He won't be able to tell which....Drives 'em bonkers, lol.) (Or in your case, Alanis Sugar (lol): 'Wiv-OUT regret - you're FIRED!') He's a domestic-level, as-paedo-as-he-dares, sex-slaver - via enforced, intense-dosage, Honeymoon Heroin dependency. He misjudged you, then, didn't he!!! :-D It might well be because he had just been rejected/dumped by one of his other targets, which he hadn't seen coming so put him into Narcissistic Rage, making him perform badly. That would explain why the crap performance at his, you'd think, well-practised age-stage. So...there you go. Now you know what I meant by, dodged a bullet. Thoughts?

(...aside from the fact I typed casted instead of cast, I mean? LOL)

Oh dear! Spotted another typo - a whole chunk of my sentance missing! Should read: you're genuinely a bit slow ("I'm a Barbie Girl!") and can't work it out, lol. He won't be able to tell which....Drives 'em bonkers, lol.)

By the way - here's a checklist to keep in mind if he tries to hoover you back and love-bomb you into resuming FWB-ing. Or for future ref. in case you agree to date before you've finishing recovering and (thereby) end up with another but of a new thus unrecognisable-to-you type - namely a Covert (or should I say, MAINLY Covert because this or Overt are styles they can mix-and-match or switch between, depending on which style has got them their uber spoiled and selfish way the most): ************************** From online site Mindhelp: "DSM-5 has mentioned that one has ASPD* if he/she is experiencing three or more traits of the following: Breaks social rules and law sometimes knowingly Lacks conscience Feels little guilty for the harm they cause to others Control or manipulate others Has a lying or deceiving nature Prone to engage in conflicts Has no value of others’ emotions ************************** (This doesn't mention, taking huge risks, being reckless, deliberately causing chaos for kicks. This site also seems to still believe you can cure or manage one. Not without THEIR cooperation, you can't. And cooperation isn't in their nature.) He ticks every box, because: He broke the romantic AND social contract with you and nor does he feel the biggie about disassociating from even the verge of paedophilia applies to Special, Superior Specie Him. (Again, those age stages mean a 10+ year gap is actually more like Father-Daughter. As in your Authoritarian "superior" and keeper, which is why they like it. They mistakenly believe they'll be able to control you and get away with offences more easily, due to your lesser life experience.) Doing so is but one example of placing no value on, thereby having no thought for, your emotions (and welfare) as a fellow human being who AUTOMATICALLY has the birthright to expect a bit of bloody respect (not least because you're a keeper of the magic tum-oven, who bakes, shapes and decorates NEW HUMAN BEINGS! (hat's what you call personal power, luvs!). And he definitely did it full-knowingly and deliberately (regardless of whether on-impulse - which just means, not stopping to argue with your inner hairless ape's urges, first...and try getting a big ape to feel sorry for having punched you in the face or sensitivities, and showing it! LOL). It goes without saying, that he proved he felt no guilt, shame or remorse. And ditto having no or inadequate conscience to stop him. And ditto for his obvious agenda thus why the need to manipulate you into his having all the (mind-) control, including over you and your normally unfettered will. Ditto again - for the lying and deceptive nature. Ditto again - for needlessly (you'd think!) causing conflict (and trying to coerce you into to engaging with it). The only side of this you DIDN'T get to witness was, their penchant for getting into actual physical fights/brawls in public or "acting like a psycho" when with other likemindeds and Flying Monkeys (e.g. setting off rocket fireworks in an wholly dangerous way and laughing their face off when it nearly hits someone or something...the like Hot-Head Thicko type of Psycho they are) (trust me, real-deal psychos, despite the killer type RARELY, are cold and controlled, and no-where NEAR stupid (aside from still being self-destructive, ultimately). PS: Regarding the descriptive, Anti-Social. In this context it means against people (gender counterpart the most...the original woman-haters, kid-haters, non-trainable pet-haters...) as individuals or social or societal-sized groups. However, in my lifelong experience, it's the Sociopath that tends to be Anti-Social in the offensive and repulsive habits displayed in front of you (and their posse). I've sat and watched them, mid-sentance (ugh!, don't even want to type it!), shamelessly scratch their bottom-hole through their jeans and sniff their hand... or cut their toenails in your living-room and store the clippings in a plastic vitamin tub....pick a bogey and eat it....or practically strip-off in the middle of the office to try on a top that an obedient colleague gave them for their birthday and then act like you're the weird one for stating your shocked protest then leaving the room. You could label both kinds, Inappropriate Behaviour and Inappropriate Affect. They are Inappropriateness Without Shame on-legs. EVERY BOX. Just in that one pantomime scene! Dodged a bullet, Modom. Say it with me: OMG....UGH....BRRRR! How are you doing today?

PS: with the exception of when forced by court order or genuine spousal ultimatum to attend therapy, of course.

Im doing fine today, thank you for asking. I think my sadness is slowly turning into anger, as in, how dare he?! How dare he spend months trying to form a connection/bond with me and then stomp on my heart and try to use me like im some sex doll.

Is it, indeed? EXCELLENT! You're already on your way to getting over it (and It). Expect that to grow, possibly including a strong urge to teach him a lesson (constructive revenge), before then going PEEEEEEEE-ew, into this: Ugh, how horrid to be him...what a horrible existence...wow..." But also, as I say, ensure you don't date until you hit that feeling or you'll be swimming around in shark-infested high streets with spots of blood still in your crevices or still-erratic, 'fish in distress' swimming strokes. And as there are a variety of sharks, some even with camouflage, you won't necessarily be able to spot one coming and avoid it - or might even think it's a friendly dolphin. STAYOUTTATHEWADER!...............SWIM, JOHNNY, SWIM! You get the gist. But if you do go back in the "wader" and get bitten by another type, your chances of attracting a third - this time a Great White - is practically guaranteed (because by then you don't have arms and legs left to swim away with, even IF you had the strength...you wouldn't even be able to see it were a shark...just a BLOB). Good. You're right on track, even ahead of schedule. You shoulda been a Fire Chief, modom! Keep reading and arming yourself up for just-in-case (and because they're morbidly FASCINATING). And keep posting whenever you want.

How are you doing THIS week, JDE245? Are you staying strong? And has he tried to Hoover you back in?

Not good, I slipped up. He tried to call me a few days ago, and I didn't answer. He called me again yesterday, and that time I did answer. He asked me if I was using dating apps again and when I told him I was he told me this weird master key and lock analogy. Something about how if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a bad lock.

Not good, I slipped up. He tried to call me a few days ago, and I didn't answer. He called me again yesterday, and that time I did answer. He asked me if I was using dating apps again and when I told him I was he told me this weird master key and lock analogy. Something about how if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a bad lock.

Sincere apologies for the delay - I got swept up by over-busyness! I'll be with you as soon as possible, hopefully as soon as tomorrow!

Doesn't matter if you slipped-up, btw. It only matters if you slipped-up and don't realise you did. See the diff? It's REALLY HARD to do. Mistakes are inevitable. But you learn from them. We'll discuss it more tomorrow/asap. Meantime, sit on your hands when your phone rings. We can reverse this slip-up - even so that it becomes his. Bear with...

"Not good, I slipped up. He tried to call me a few days ago, and I didn't answer. He called me again yesterday, and that time I did answer. He asked me if I was using dating apps again and when I told him I was he told me this weird master key and lock analogy. Something about how if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a bad lock." Tell him not to contact you again. What you do and with whom is now none of his business. (And btw - what he means is, the key is his/the male penis and the lock is your/the female vagina...a misogystic, double standard. In other words, if you go on to sleep around (by which a narc really means, sleep with even ONE other man) then you're a slut. (Scuse French.) AWW, ISN'T HE LOVE-LYYYYYY. (Diced carrots lovely) Tell him (don't really!) to take his master key and shove it up his arse - by which you mean, the one on his face. Scuse French again, LOL.) Here, read this extract: *********** ( https://www.decision-making-confidence.com/dealing-with-a-sociopath.html) "Dealing With A Sociopath - 9 Important Rules To Follow ...3. Cease contact No contact means no contact. No phone calls, no text messages, no e-mails. As long as you continue to engage the sociopath they will continue to try and manipulate you. They have nothing better to do in their lives. In fact, often they will spend their lives trying to continue to manipulate you! Sociopaths don't have friends. They perceive others as victims or competitors, and the competitors typically end up as victims too, because the sociopath wants to win at all costs. Any contact is a sign for them that they still have a chance to continue to manipulate you. It's absolutely useless to want to have the last word or to need to explain how upset you have been. You're just giving them a chance to continue to verbally abuse you and play with your emotions, and the lack of empathy and guilt gives the sociopath an advantage that you will never have, and that you can never beat. No ultimatums or power plays either. You are going to lose. Don't waste your energy. Of course, sometimes it's simply not possible to cease all contact straightaway. Children, business contracts, marriages may need to be sorted out first. But as soon as you realize you're dealing with a sociopath, you need to take steps to protect yourself. Get copies of important paperwork and computer files. Store them in a friend's house. If you do need to communicate use e-mail and keep all copies. Let their phone calls go to voice mail and save them. If you fear for your physical safety, take whatever steps are necessary. Get professional help if you need to. Let other people know what's happening, including your boss. Very often when you try and break off contact, a sociopath will try to begin to manipulate the people around you. Get them on your side first, before he tries to make you look bad and/or crazy. You are going to need support! 4. Do not give them more information about you Any information you give them can and will be used against you. This is important because you are dealing with a sociopath. This means you are dealing with a professional manipulator and you should expect that any personal information you give will be used to manipulate your emotions, blame you for what is happening and/or used to try to continue the relationship. If you need to communicate, keep it short, stick to the facts (no opinions or personal thoughts) and communicate as if you know your communication is going to be read out in court." ******************* If he DOES catch you out with a live call, my advice is to take the piss out of him (like I just did up there) when he comes out with medieval drivel like that. They've no sense of humour (because you need Empathy for one of those), particularly not when the joke's on them (can't stand humiliation or any signs of your believing you're either equal or above them). Alternatively, you show them that you've completely and utterly got their number now, know precisely what they are. If they can see you're beyond dupeable now, they've no use for you and wander off to find a new (or warm up an existing, on-the-side one) target-victim. You're safe to because you don't cohabit with him, you're where he can't touch you. And if following this slip-up call or (hope not) a next, he DARED try coming around your house - i.e. upped his rotten ante - then is when you ring the Police. PS: Has it dawned on you yet, how the problem was NOT that you're too young but, in fact, suddenly TOO OLD?

So basically, this is one way to reverse your slip-up. BECAUSE you too his call, he'll have taken that as encouragement that you can have your spirit broken and be Hoovered back into the fauxlationship. So you prepare a rap-sheet - which you'll deliver wit sarcasm, piss-taking, derision, downright contempt (but calmly and formally, like Mr Spock) - from the off. You can start with, 'I've got a bone to pick with you' before lecturing his face off. He'll probably put the phone down on you. They don't do being called to account. Plus they like to frustrate you, hence, cutting you off mid-way in his belief that you want your day in court. But that's fine by us - hidden mission accomplished. BUT...failing to take any form of contact basically says the same (effort-free). Do you feel better for having a plan?

Going No Contact aka Zero Contact is like a diet. The first few weeks are hard (because you want answers that via clues will do, and they're too morbidly fascinating). But then all of a sudden, you feel very powerful and in control, which is a sign that your ego and self-esteem have been pumped back up considerably (which is what they need after him/it). It really is better, FEELS better, and aids a far faster recovery period if you just erase them totally from your entire life. You can always lecture him here if you want (e.g. a Dear Monster letter).

Warning: you can't use dating apps now because I suspect from the nature of his question that he intends to do what a lot of them do and create false profiles to contact you via (he'll recognise you - they have predator senses and study you hard at the start to know your weaknesses and sensitive buttons). And again, you mustn't date until you're completely over him, as in, he pops in your head only very occasionally and you feel NOTHING, not a thing. (The opposite to love is not hate, it's indifference.) Focus on your hobbies and friends. And another SUPERB Zero Contact aid is, having a project. Anything that lights your candle and engrosses you for hours. Although, really, you've got an awful lot of web studying to do re. these idiots to ensure that if one crosses your path, they find YOU unattractive 8sensing you know too much) and quickly walk away in favour of finding a victim who is still largely ignorant of them and how they manage to hook their target and reel her (or him) in so quickly.