Circles

I grew up in what we'll refer to as town 'A'. It is a small place, and aside from going to school and joining the workforce here, I had no desire to stick around. Many years ago I moved to town B, and spent a good chunk of my young adulthood there. I gradually made friends there, found areas I liked to go to, and had my longest-lasting job thus far. It wasn't all roses, but to date that's probably been some of the better moments of my life. After a few years in B, I kept expecting to better myself and upgrade to a nicer place, or find a more respectable job, since people seemed to think what I did for a living wasn't. I was single with no relationship, and my intimate life kept dying for nearly a year at a time. It felt like I was going in circles. Despite years of strong resistance to it, a few years ago I finally left and moved back to A. I didn't know how long it was for, or what was next. But it immediately killed any progress I had made with self-confidence and independence. After a few embarrassing years I was able to move up in my job and save up some money. I kept thinking about where I could go next. Fate determined I should go to Z, far away from both A and B. I spent months reading up on things and watching videos about where I planned to go, and even took a trip there. I fell in love with it a little, or thought I did. When I moved to Z it wasn't what I'd thought, even after researching it. I thought moving there I could start over again and find peace. What I found was a lot of conflict. Pretty quickly things fell apart, and I moved back to A. I'd really imagined moving back to B. It was doable, but now is maybe not because of new bills and expenses. Now I feel stuck and embarrassed in A all over again, and it sucks because I am getting older but it just feels like my entire progress has regressed. I never wanted this, and while it's better than Z I'm not quite sure how long I can live like this, either. While I lived in A and Z, B had seemed dead to me. Friends dropped off of the planet, and I felt like I should go somewhere new. More recently it seemed like I had made some good friends during my time in B after all, but Idk anymore. At the very least, I felt familiar with B and fit in better there generally. I guess I'd lke feedback on this. I have no real future in A, just my family. Which I appreciate having, but I don't have anything I want here beyond that. I feel like a weird metaphor is B is civilization, A is living in a zoo, and Z was being in a snakepit. So the plan is still to go to B. I don't know if I should be looking for a C place instead. Z certainly didn't work out. Either way, it looks like I am wasting a while in A for now.

Honestly, it seems like you are counting on a living location to fix all your problems. I would recommend working on yourself, and trying to improve your life where you currently are. Therapy could help.