Unsure what to do

Hi everyone, Here goes.!! I have been with my partner for 12yrs, for 8 of those we have lived together and have 2 children aged 5 & 8. We have always had a love hate relationship, when its good its really good and when its bad its a real mess. At the minute its a mess and has been for about 6 months. We argue all the time over the most stupid things.!! I feel like we barely talk, we never go out and when i suggest it its a straight no i dont want to, he doesnt kiss me at all and when i ask for a kiss he does it under duress, he doesnt cuddle me at all not even in bed and if i ask for a cuddle he says he's busy or later and we very rarely have sex, probably once every 6wks and thats because i have initiated it. He gets in bed every night and turns his back on me. This is just making our problems worse. I feel like he doesnt love me or find me attractive anymore. I have asked if he loves me and he says yes and i have asked about the kissing, cuddling , sex and he just says he is tired or sometimes cant be bothered.!! He works hard i know and i am a stay at home mum who does everything around the house, cooking,shopping, cleaning, washing, taking care of the kids and our 2 labradors. He never has to ask were anything is because its always washed dried ironed and put away. Not really sure what to do, Do i keep tredding water or do i call it a day and say enough is enough.?? It might help if he would talk but he wont.

Hey Diane, I'm glad to hear that you tried to talk to him about it, but I'm also sad that he won't give you a true valid answer for his actions. What you can do is to neglect him so that he would miss you and want to do things with you again. I know, it's a dark action for your motives, but since he won't give you any attention, maybe it's that he doesn't want any of it..? Try it out for a week and see how he responds. You do more than enough in the relationship. I would actually go as far as saying that you make almost the perfect wife, since a perfect person is not existent in our reality. I have a question to ask though, Do you provide a positive environment around your husband? Or do you always find something to complain about with what he does/doesn't do, or what have you -- and basically providing a negative environment? Perhaps the negativity is driving him away, but I don't think this is the case here. You can still provide a positive environment though, despite his lack of affection toward you. And I guess, if that fails, then you can put your foot down and tell him off.. and I really don't see a reason why he could be acting this way toward you.

Hi Diane, I think there is a reason he is distancing himself from you... Does he seem depressed? Is he unhappy at work? Could he be hurt from how you treat him or something you do? Or, could it just be a rut? When reading your post, I can relate... However, I feel like I am doing this to my fiance. Lately he has hurt my feelings quite a bit. I try to look at each occurence by itself. For example, waking up grouchy because he is talking on the phone in bed and wakes me up like it\'s no big deal. I reminded him I have a sleeping disorder and yes, I am grouchy but I feel like he has no courtesy for me getting rest. I am getting on meds so maybe when I sleep 8 hours, I can actually SLEEP and get rest! But, there have been other things like him telling me how to drive so much when he is with me that it actually makes me nervous to drive with him in the car. And, him commenting to others (playfully but still hurtful) about how I can\'t cook. When he gets mad, he gets impatient and cusses. Anyway, I have just gotten all outta whack. I feel embarrassed and sad and angry. At night, I hope he won\'t touch me...makes me want to cry...I know I need to talk to him about it all but I just don\'t think he will understand..So, here I am reading and trying to figure out how to handle it in my own head. I love him but don\'t like feeling humiliated and like I\'m good for nothing. Men seem to have more trouble admitting how they feel..in my opinion. They are supposed to be \"work horses\" and \"providers\" and sometimes I think they forget to enjoy life and appreciate THEIR life. It sounds like you do a lot for him and your family. I think you should keep trying. 12 years is a long time! Maybe if he won\'t go out, ask a friend or family member to take the kids for the weekend... Find a way to get him to open up or come back to life before he pushes you so far away and it\'s too late.