I've broke with my gf and still can't believe it's really happens

I met here on FB. After 3 months I came to her to Kenya. We were dating for 3 months, she took me to the city where she raised, to introduce me to her family. Ive met her parents, grandma, siblinngs, cousins, aunts and uncles. We agreed to go to one place (mombasa) by a train and stay there for 5 days... So... We entered to train, I joined her little later, like 1-2 minutes coz Ive had bags. There were 4 places as usual. When I came and sit, she already spoke with two guys who sitted on their places across us. They spoke all the time in suahili so IDK what was about. She usually spoke with other people in matatu(bus) so I saw it as normal, but there were always short conversations like maybe 5 minutes. That conversation took whole 75 minutes of our trip. She only once asked me

Sorry guys, once again... Ive been dating one girl. We were dating for 3 months, she took me to the city Voi to introduce me to her family. Ive met her parents, grandma, siblinngs, cousins, aunts and uncles. We agreed to go to one place (mombasa) by a train and stay there for 5 days... So... We entered to train, I joined her little later, like 1-2 minutes coz Ive had bags. There were 4 places as usual. When I came and sit, she already spoke with two guys who sitted on their places across us. They spoke all the time in suahili so IDK what was about. She usually spoke with other people in matatu(bus) so I saw it as normal, but there were always short conversations like maybe 5 minutes. That conversation took whole 75 minutes of our trip. She only once asked me "is everything fine?" Ive been such shocked by that situation and couldnt believe it really happens, that I only said silent "YES" and didnt say even one more word.Its not abt jealous, seriously. I felt like a trash. She ignored me totally like I was invisible. She didnt touched me even, those 2 guys could think I dont know her I let them enjoy. Is that normal? I felt totally ignored and it was just.. sad... Am I paranoid and made a big deal from small thing? Ive broke with her after we left the train coz I didnt wanted argue in train and stopping their conversation. Ofc she cried, sorry me, explained thought Ive been busy by my phone, didnt wanted to hurt me, that I should correct her at the moment etc If she would kiss me, hug me or take my hand, I wont be angry even. I swear. How do you see that ladies and gentlemans? Ps-She never did to me any bad action, we have been in great moods in our way to train. I really couldnt believe it really happens. Plus using swahili she blocked me to join their conversation and also I couldnt understand them. No, they didnt knew each others, they were two totally stranger guys. I told her we are over cause every random strangers guys are more important than me. And to dont touch me, coz she should touch me at train, and to dont calle me honey, coz she should call me honey at train. But she treated me like I was not there.

Hi DETLEF, Apologies that everyone's been busy in RL all at-once, and thanks for finishing your opener. Here are my gut observations and reactions: "I met here on FB. After 3 months I came to her to Kenya." Bit of a trek for merely a first date. In which case TOO MUCH, TOO SOON. "We were dating for 3 months, she took me to the city where she raised," TOO SOON. This relationship was being VERY rushed. It's majorly characteristic - the No.1 Red Flag at early dating stage, out of a great long list - of having been targetted (entirely fake-romantically or romantically but too permanently crippled to bond and behave properly) - by a Malignant Narcissist of whatever variety. They have plans for you and need to rush you into artificial bondedness and commitment and TRUST (hence the consistent (fake) act of Goodliness that then later on gets dropped). At that point, you see, it'd really hurt you to End It. But because the relationship was rushed, i.e. fast-fowarded before you'd got a chance to see what you'd have seen, if you HAD been allowed to proceed at a more normal-healthy pace - that you would NOT WANT to become attached and committed to a nasty, spiteful, manipulative game-playing, vengeful, disgusting person like them as bears FAR too little resemblance to the person you initially fell for (e.g.. they do NOT love X,Y,Z, same as you ("Twins!"), like they at-first so convincingly claimed). In the Rushing stakes - this pace is MAJOR. She is in a BIG hurry to get you to the alter, either literally or just emotionally. Why? What have you got that she could appropriate? Are you richer than her?...own your own property? Or are you just very generous? Incredibly giving? Come from a better background and have a higher social standing/better job/friends than her (a free promotion she can conningly hitch a free ride to)? Do people like you and are drawn to you (that she could potentially use or con)? Have a think. Not all Narcs Love-Bomb (go google). (But they mostly all rush - with a few doing the opposite extreme and going too slow. Not Normal, Correct Speed is the point.) No, some "insult" you (which you're not used to because you're a nice, decent type), almost right from the beginning...or certainly when you're not bonding to them quickly enough for their liking (entrapment schedule). "Treat her/him mean to make him keen". They lock horns with your ego then steal a chunk of it and your confidence, so that, even if you weren't as into them as they seemed to be (or in fact, would rather rise above it and walk away), you're overcome by an unbelievable urge to chase after them ("Hey, give that back, you!"). Albeit negatively - they have then hooked you. By the heart...by the ego. They don't care. Any soft flesh on your 'psychological body' to insert the giant hook into. " to introduce me to her family. Ive met her parents, grandma, siblinngs, cousins, aunts and uncles." And again - ALARMINGLY TOO SOON. (You do KNOW her making you enact (to get you comfy with) all these artificial acts of Being Steadies Already - as encourage a false sense of intimacy (it's just Intensity but does a great impression) - were exactly that - artificial or at least not normal thus concerning - yes? So what does she want to gain from you? What's she in such a hurry to get or get given as normally would happen only in a one- or two-year-old, Steady,...relationship? "We agreed to go to one place (mombasa) by a train and stay there for 5 days... So... We entered to train, I joined her little later, like 1-2 minutes coz Ive had bags." What - and she's got no arms? Nor considerateness enough to even offer?...even if she could predict you'd say a gentlemanly no but did so anyway out of politeness? "There were 4 places as usual. When I came and sit, she already spoke with two guys who sitted on their places across us. They spoke all the time in suahili so IDK what was about. She usually spoke with other people in matatu(bus) so I saw it as normal, but there were always short conversations like maybe 5 minutes. That conversation took whole 75 minutes of our trip. She only once asked me "is everything fine?" Ive been such shocked by that situation and couldnt believe it really happens, that I only said silent "YES" and didnt say even one more word.Its not abt jealous, seriously. I felt like a trash. She ignored me totally like I was invisible. She didnt touched me even, those 2 guys could think I dont know her I let them enjoy. Is that normal? I felt totally ignored and it was just.. sad..." If any of that were normal, sane and healthy dating behaviour, it wouldn't have made you feel bad in so many ways. Think about it. It is "Treat him mean to make him keen (or keener)" NUTSHELLED. Trying to get (hurryhurry!) yet more hooks in to you by making you feel your boyfriend position were tenuous, under threat, and to trigger your masculine reflex to want to COMPETE with these (unwitting) (i.e. manipulated!) 'enemies' on your territory. Loss of Confidence, Insecurity, Jealousy, Competitiveness, all while freshly injured and in pain. But because you can't take on these strangers, whom were not hunters but unwitting responders to her "I Am Single & Available" signage (which was just for YOUR 'benefit'), just being friendly in other words - you would have to fix the situation THROUGH HER. Warm her back up and cling to her more tightly (be more attentive). And that is what she wants because then that facilitates automatic increase in bonding, INSTANTLY. This is called Intermittent Reinforcement (go google) or the Sweet Then Mean Cycle (of abuse). That was Abusive, by the way, for the record. It was self-centred, selfish, hard-hearted and cruel. It was like pulling your trousers down in order to whack you REALLY VIOLENTLY across the thigh with a WET FLIP-FLOP. Punishment combined with inserting a giant hook (so you can't just leave her). Actually, thinking about it - across the FACE. "Am I paranoid and made a big deal from small thing?" HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! - no. If anything, you're actually making the deal smaller than it is. "Ive broke with her after we left the train" Oh GOOD...excellent, well done! I am liking your rippling mental muscles, there! " coz I didnt wanted argue in train and stopping their conversation." Too polite for what was incoming (obnoxious nastiness). Next time, get up and calmly move to another carriage. Or say, Excuse-me fellas ,but I need a private word with my girlfriend - back in a minute - then motion for her to follow and, if she doesn't, you then collect your bags and move. And then get off without her and go home. " Ofc she cried, sorry me, explained thought Ive been busy by my phone, didnt wanted to hurt me, that I should correct her at the moment etc" Crocodile Tears. Lie. Lie. You shouldn't have to. Next ridiculously illogical and unrealistic fabrication? "If she would kiss me, hug me or take my hand, I wont be angry even. I swear." Well, you should. Her turning on the tears like a soft, gentlewoman despite has just been caught in the act of delivering rapid little stabs to your heart AND IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE? That's called Blame-Shifting, and The Pity Ploy/Play (specifically "stealing the victim-cloak"). "How do you see that ladies and gentlemans?" Continuing with her would just feature this type of needless manipulating into a position where she can stab you again, more and more with every passing week (or day). Lion's Den, anyone? P"s-She never did to me any bad action, we have been in great moods in our way to train. I really couldnt believe it really happens." It's unbelievable because it's not normal. Far from it. Do the googling - you'll see (and why). "Plus using swahili she blocked me to join their conversation and also I couldnt understand them. No, they didnt knew each others, they were two totally stranger guys. I told her we are over cause every random strangers guys are more important than me." I like how you can still think intelligently under-fire, as well. That was spot-on (in terms of what she wanted you to BELIEVE). This woman doesn't care about you. This is why she (as the first of many times to come) could bring herself to so deeply hurt you as only someone who didn't care about you - worse, didn't even like you - would do. Please read that again. "And to dont touch me, coz she should touch me at train, and to dont calle me honey, coz she should call me honey at train. But she treated me like I was not there." Yup. Deliberately and purposefully. Like only a truly nasty, heartless person could do to another human being, let alone one they knew believed their "I love you" crap. You don't manipulate your boyfriend, for one, and, two - definitely not when you know it's going to really hurt and keep hurting for ages. Days. Weeks. (But which starts wearing-off once you know what and why they are underneath their Normal Person act and do as they do.) Thoughts?

PS: Jambo.

I know she's a conwoman (hence just behaved like a woman only pretending to like and love you). Because (please think about this from A to Z) her whole family are in on it. See it? They welcomed you like meeting the relatives a year too soon(!) was normal and acted (literally) accordingly so that you would be peer-pressured into believing that getting involved that deeply, that instantly, was NOT Abnormal. With further time and desensitisation (and being treated so (faked) warmly) while you were there, that would then evolve into NORMAL. Or just normal for them and their culture. Plus, her style. On its own I'd say malignant narcissist. But it depends on - what you've got that she could possibly be working her way (rapidly) towards borrowing (not giving back), helping herself to, or stealing, from you? If "just" a Malignant Narc, it would be mostly your happiness, confidence, and ego (chip-chip-chip until you had nothing left to chip away (unless you broke up, grew it back, and then she'd try to get back with you to do it all over again). However, these Grades of Narcissism aren't separated by thick black lines, they can merge. Therefore, if she's not a Sociopath - 'only 'a severe Malignant Narc, but NEARLY? She might 'just' behind your back, use your couples-based monetary or (if you moved-in together) house upkeep contributions, to grow richer on (i.e. you'd save her money)...including, "you'll have to pay cos I forgot my purse (not)", claiming poverty so you'd have to offer to pay for a night out, tricking ou into paying way more than your fair share of the rent,...that sort of thing. That family should declined the idea from their daughter and younger relative and corrected her attitude on that score: No, dear, it's far too soon for that, you've only known this fellow 5 minutes? It's not you're long-time steadies who've just decided to get engaged? No, dear, it's not wise. Where was that then? And if it was just that she'd managed to persuade them - where was the vibe that was present for you to pick up on, called, slight awkwardness (and not knowing how to behave towards you or around you)? If you'd noticed, you'd have said. FUNNY, THAT. So it's a well-rehearsed performance. See it now? But also see how perfect a set-up it was to get you to agree to going, PREMATURELY, 'away with her' to her home town. NOW there's a seemingly perfect JUSTIFICATION for the inappropriately premature big family introduction, isn't there. See it? It's a well-worn long-con job. Seen it played like this many a time before. Even if from the relatives' points of view, they play along merely for their own reasons (usually because she indeed is a trouble-making little b*tch and the poor sap who's going to remove her from their lives FOR them deserves gratitude), they still were part of the charade. Additionally, no woman who's so incredibly into you ALREADY as to organise that introduction would "5 minutes" later deliberately hurt you to make you do what she wants, when she wants and only her, and for no reason YOU would ever agree to! Are you seeing it? Oh, don't get me wrong. "While they're down there" - THEY don't mind if they get to have sex (and it is just sex), etc., etc. with their Target. But, "with bells on" or not - it is just business. Only the loveliest people get targetted. A perverse compliment - not worth the 10-tonne truck-worth of pain - but a compliment nonetheless. And don't even bother asking why you didn't/couldn't see it. If we could, then, psychiatrists wouldn't consider these harbingers of ill-health so dangerous to normal, decent people, would they. Even THEY get duped - into marrying, even. No-one is safe from being netted by them. What counts is escaping AS IMMEDIATELY AS POSSIBLE...first available opportunity. Getting deeper and deeper into that danger is not easily reversed. You having CHUCKED them, however, is - if they can convince you you're wrong and they DO love you, just made a mistake and then, to prove it, never repeat it again. BUT...here's the thing: no normal, decent person would make that mistake to begin with...they would not be able to cross that giant behavioural taboo. If, somehow, they did - the second they realised what they'd allowed themselves to do, they would fling themselves at your feet, begging forgiveness and making it up to you until you said, Alright - enough! I do hope you haven't cracked and she's still chucked? Next comes her attempting to "Hoover" you back in again (google).

Oh, and I forgott to say: that only seemingly little stunt of hers - pulling those two other blokes into your intimate circle in order to manipulate and gain control over you is known as Triangulation - another exclusively narcissistic behavioural symptom. CONTROL is always their penultimate goal. What this one plans to by-then be capable of making you DO, is all that remains to be identified (by you).