Re-establishing contact?

I used to talk to someone I used to work with over a year ago. I had actually matched with them through Facebook Dating. Ended up getting her number and we talked a bit more, to the point where we discovered at least some stuff we have in common. I stopped talking to her about a year ago out of fear of rejection (I have depression). I just felt like if things continued that something would go wrong and I didn't feel like I could handle it. I have remained friends with this person on Facebook over the past year despite not talking and feel like I have my depression at least somewhat under control (for now). I was thinking of texting this person again and trying to reconnect but would it be awkward to do so considering it's been nearly a year? If I do and they ask me why I stopped talking would it be even more awkward/a turn off if I admitted that the reason why was depression and fear of rejection? What should I say?

Decide what it is you want, first. Don't waste someone's time pretending you want to meet, if you're just going to ghost her because you're afraid you'll be rejected. Dating means we WILL be passed over time after time: but it's not necessarily personal. If someone had different goals and lifestyles from our own, that's not personal. That's a valid preference which he or she is entitled to. Not expecting someone to give up their own desires to live according to our wishes isn't rejection. It's respect. Do you live close enough to conventionally date, as in meet, do things together, maybe develop a physical relationship? Or do you just want a pen-pal / phone buddy? I had someone ghost me after setting up a time to meet. When I emailed that night, asking if I had misunderstood what was going on, he flat out lied and said I didn't answer his phone call. When I said, no, I didn't get a call, and I was where we said we'd meet WHEN we said we'd meet, he admitted he was afraid of rejection, so he never intended to show up. Don't do that.

"I stopped talking to her about a year ago out of fear of rejection (I have depression). I just felt like if things continued that something would go wrong and I didn't feel like I could handle it. I have remained friends with this person on Facebook over the past year despite not talking and feel like I have my depression at least somewhat under control (for now). I was thinking of texting this person again and trying to reconnect but would it be awkward to do so considering it's been nearly a year? If I do and they ask me why I stopped talking would it be even more awkward/a turn off if I admitted that the reason why was depression and fear of rejection? What should I say?" All I see is this: I owe this woman an apology - how do I put it? Try it here and I'll give you some pointers. But I agree with OM that you should proceed with caution or take the longer route round via the friendship door if you're still wobbly or even just 'wobble-able' (lol, new word).

(PS I like that you refer to her as 'a person' :-) I notice 'trivial, little' but actually massive things like that.)

Thank you for the responses. Haven't said anything to her yet but if I were to apologize would most likely say: "I know we were talking awhile ago and we suddenly stopped but I just wanted to say it was my fault and I apologize. I stopped because I feared I would be rejected if things continued, I have depression and anxiety. I feel like I have things under control right now and was wondering if we could start over?"

Not bad but needs to be more verbiose and less 'clinical' (she ain't a bloke, lol). Let her hear your emotion and vulnerability (in the context of this issue, I mean). Women appreciate that because they know that, in fact, it's proof of male COURAGE. Try this or something similar in your own words: ***************** I know we were talking and getting on well a while ago, which suddenly stopped, so I just wanted you to know that I'm aware it was my doing and I would like you know how sorry I am. The reason was because I was suffering the tail-end of depression and anxiety at the time and, symptomatic of that, feared even the possibility of ending up rejected if things continued, which I didn't feel strong enough to deal with. I now feel like I have things under control and am more back to my normal self, and I still miss you a lot, so I was wondering if you could possibly consider giving me and us a second chance? Please take all the time you need to think it over. But even if your answer's no, or you don't want to even reply, I still hope my apology helps to undo any damage I might have caused you. ****************** (I've had a bit of a Christmas dwinkie (hic!), though, so if anyone else thinks they can better that, please feel free to dive in.)

Please excuse the following quick aside with "M'Colleague", DJHILL, (OM, just so's you know and can re-file the incident: "I had someone ghost me after setting up a time to meet. When I emailed that night, asking if I had misunderstood what was going on, he flat out lied and said I didn't answer his phone call. When I said, no, I didn't get a call, and I was where we said we'd meet WHEN we said we'd meet, he admitted he was afraid of rejection, so he never intended to show up." Afraid of rejection, my bottom - whadda creep. That was the Pity Ploy - remember the Martha Stout extract I posted a couple of months back on SunnyClimes' thread? It's to manipulatively escape your warranted, rightful wrath by disarming the 'victim': ******************** “After listening for almost twenty-five years to the stories my patients tell me about sociopaths who have invaded and injured their lives, when I am asked, “How can I tell whom not to trust?” the answer I give usually surprises people. The natural expectation is that I will describe some sinister-sounding detail of behavior or snippet of body language or threatening use of language that is the subtle giveaway. Instead, I take people aback by assuring them that the tip-off is none of these things, for none of these things is reliably present. Rather, the best clue is, of all things, the pity play. The most reliable sign, the most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy.” ― Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door " ******************** It means, when chatting you up online and asking you out, he had a number of other irons in the fire, including asking them out for that same night. Right at the last minute, a "better" offer suddenly came in (another woman said Yes last-minute), and just didn't bother letting you know (selfish and the opposite of respectful towards women). You're confident and assertive - noteably more than the average woman and CERTAINLY tthe majority of those that think shopping online for a mate is a good idea for the WRONG reasons. So he wasn't expecting you to 'call him into your office', you were meant to just take your dejected, insulted, inconvenienced self home and lump it. So when you chased him for an explanation (and apology), he instead whipped out his violin. Good for you that you gave him What For! :-)

Update: I did everything that was listed in here and it worked. Had the discussion and to my surprise she never was angry or took it any kind of way that I had stopped talking. We've had several conversations since then and they've gone well! I was essentially worried over nothing 😂, testament to how good of a person she is and I'm grateful for it!

Awww, that's really nice! Thanks for giving an update.

I second that emotion! I'm really pleased for you, DJHill, and thanks for providing us with closure. :-)