My best friend is telling everyone my secret… Help!!!!

*PLEASE HELP ME* I’m halfway through high school and my main group of friends have become really different. They’ve started to gossip lots (which I end up getting roped into but I hate it) and they keep sharing all my secrets. Recently, I confided in one of my friends and told her that I liked this boy. I made it VERY clear that this was NOT to be shared. The next day at school, over 10 people asked me about it and I had a ton of messages on my phone too. My friend send me really rude voice messages saying “soon everyone will know and it won’t be long before he finds out”. That’s my worry. That he’ll find out and I won’t know how to handle it. I want to confront my friend and ask her why she is spreading rumours, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I know she will get mad at me and make my life a living hell! What should I do?

Hi Hunny Bee, I'll certainly try! "I’m halfway through high school and my main group of friends have become really different. They’ve started to gossip lots (which I end up getting roped into but I hate it) and they keep sharing all my secrets." Firstly, this fixation on social goings-on, and gossip-ing (a form of a mechanism for female bonding) is a typical developmental stage for your age-group. "Recently, I confided in one of my friends and told her that I liked this boy. I made it VERY clear that this was NOT to be shared. The next day at school, over 10 people asked me about it and I had a ton of messages on my phone too. " Well, then she's nothing short of a silly cow, isn't she! What - no loyalty?...or no impulse control? Yeah - great friend! Company, maybe. Friend, no. Or not qualified (too immature, still lacking self-discipline (and common sense)). "My friend send me really rude voice messages saying “soon everyone will know and it won’t be long before he finds out”." UGH, SHE'S HORRIBLE! God, have you got any other individuals/groups you could hang out with? "That’s my worry. That he’ll find out and I won’t know how to handle it." Naaah. No need to panic. What you do is turn it around. Be GLAD it's out of the bag! "Yeah, I do think he's quite cute, actually? Why - don't you?" or "what of it?...we're at high school, in case you hadn't noticed?...Why, don't you fancy anyone yet?". Getting the gist? You are always-ALWAYS the one who dictates through your own attitude, how people should think or react. Be PROUD that you have evidence that you're becoming a woman (surrounded by little girls, by the sounds of it). Here's your chance to be the cool kid. Now to him: you don't have to "handle" anything. Be honest. If he puts you on the spot (doesn't handle it himself) then SAY you're not sure what to do in this situation - does he? Because - FACT: if you're scared - he won't have to be and he'll take control. The more shy or scared you are, the bolder he will be. So it's Chilled Sass to the gossipy girlies but "Princess Di" around him. Think you could do that? I want to confront my friend and ask her why she is spreading rumours, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I know she will get mad at me and make my life a living hell! ************ "I want to confront my friend and ask her why she is spreading rumours, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I know she will get mad at me and make my life a living hell!" (I expect you do, yes!) So IOW, she's injured you so, naturally, you want her to hear your "OW!", but daren't...reason being: usually whenever you do that (do what is your RIGHT), you get insult added to injury in the form of HER thinking SHE has the right to get mad, and therefore giving you a fairly lengthy campaign of PUNISHMENT??? She's really not sounding like a nice, kind, caring, decent, ...er sane,.....person, you know. DO YOU KNOW? ************* Possible (immature reasons): 1. To get noticed and be the centre of attention (with her juicy gossip)....But I don't think so or why taunt you with her crime like she just did? Obviously, upsetting or "sticking it to you" is her aim so... 2. You've unknowingly, even unmeaningly, pissed her off (somehow) and this is her "revenge"? 3. She's got an older sibling/whatever who's bullying her (at home?) and making her feel powerless, helpless, out-of control and so she's now bullying ("over-teasing") (I call it Betraying, actually) YOU in order to re-inflate her bruised and battered ego? Depends... Did it come out of nowhere for no reason you can think of? Were things fine before that?

PS: This sort of thing does happen a lot at school at your ages. Virtually all the time, actually. Almost all of us go through it at some point, boys included (more so these days). What you DON'T expect, though, is your so-called best friend to be the (attempted) public humiliator, do you. Bit of teasing, yeah. But betrayal and 'public' humiliation - you only expect that from ENEMIES. I reiterate: any nice, kind girls you could explain the situation to and ask to hang out with so that you can give Frenemy a wide berth? If you (for some reason) want to stay friends with her then you'll have to make her live the consequences of her shitey action... mere verbals won't do it with a type like her.

PPS: allow yourself to feel angry - it helps, gives you back your confidence. Plus it is rightfully "your passage" - that SHE...SHOVED you into. Seriously, make it boomerang. If you don't react upset to anyone's cheeky enquiries and instead have a "pff...so what...although I didn't expect my so-called best friend to go broadcasting it around the whole school, obviously...note that for future reference, guys - she is NOT friend material" then what will remain 'sticking out' for all to see, (i.e. the only remaining 'sensationalist' news piece) is what a nasty piece of work she can be. That'll learn her, eh.

Oh, wait, I forgot another reason. Not sure how because it's the usual suspect: Jealousy and feeling threatened. By what you describe of her behaviour, she's obviously highly insecure (so much so she can't ever face even completely deserved complaint/criticism). Maybe she thinks she'll lose your friendship if you get a boyfriend, that you'll start to spend all your time with him, rather than her, and so childishly concluded that if she made the news public, it'd embarrass and put this lad off? Well, either it will or it'll do the reverse, have him asking you out (either immediately or as soon as the dust's settled and someone else is News Of The Week) and leave her having created a negative self-fulfilling prophesy? In my experience, it was always the latter case. (Get practising being shy, i.e. being yourself, LOL.) Strange way to protect a friendship, though, eh... by pissing you off to the max? I suspect, with her, it's more about getting to keep control of you, like she thinks you're her lackey and she owns you. Agree?