I think my marriage is over.

My wife and I have been together for a long time. Sex was always OK but over time has waned and now we don't really have sex at all (once in 2022 if I recall correctly, nothing so far this year. For a long time sex has felt like something my wife let's me do to her rather than a joint enterprise and this does not work for me. I'm someone who absolutely needs to feel wanted and desired and I haven't felt that in years. It has worsened recently as my wife has told me in no uncertain terms that I am too fat for her (I put on weight over lockdown and haven't shaken it off yet but honestly, I'm not that big) and in her words until I "sort (points to belly) this and (points to head) this" I won't be getting "this" (points to her crotch). It's got to the point where I don't want "this" anymore. Her personality and attitude towards me has made her unattractive to me, to the point now where I'm not even motivated to lose weight because I resent her and I don't want her to have what she wants. It's hard to say all this because I love her and I'll never leave because of our kids but I just want to feel loved back.

Going by your post, it's not going to be easy to be loved back because your wife's actions are basically confirming what you're thinking. Yeah you can stay together for the kid's sake but in the end, quite likely, you guys will be just going through the motions when your kids knew years ago that Mum & Dad weren't real happy together. If it's worth saving, then go to counselling, if it's not, then it's time for a change where you guys will probably be both happy elsewhere without being dragged down by each other.

Hello DAN DARE: Your wife wording and behavior is quite crude, pointing to your belly and then to her crotch. Is this behavior on her part new.. or was it there all along? I am asking because what you should do next, if anything, depends (in my mind) on whether this crude behavior is new or old, and if the latter, how did you feel about it before...? Amie

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time in your relationship. It's important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your needs and feelings, especially when it comes to intimacy and feeling desired. If you wish to stay in your relationship, some professional help or even exploring articles on how to communicate might help you both stay in harmony and bring back the intimacy and connection that you both desire. Exploring free resources like this forum, iyoni or relationship blogs could be a great starting point. Remember that seeking help and support is a sign of strength, and there are resources available to help you navigate these challenges.