Will I ever be good enough?

I met a man via a friend (his sister) about 27 years ago. After being friends and becoming very close, he and I began dating. After much time we decided to get married. The relationship & engagement were never a problem to anyone. As soon as we set a date, his sister became very hostile. Not only did she try and turn his family against me, she tried to convince her brother I was a serial cheat (including with neighbours in their 60s!) and the night before our wedding she almost succeeded in us ending. She never turned up at our wedding and the day went ahead without any issues. 5 weeks after we were married, I found out that he cheated on me with another woman. I had no proof at the time but stayed as I loved him deeply. Within that next year, I fell pregnant and that's when problems really started. The other woman would call me and taunt me, let me listen in on his visits and then convince him I was stalking her. Even after I told him everything I knew about her he still denied everything. He was with her throughout our marriage. Needless to say, just before I gave birth we separated and a few weeks later after I gave gave birth he cut all contact. We never saw each other for almost 10 years, when we did it was cold (for my protection). Didn't see him again until last year. But things had really changed. We had grown, we could talk and we got on surprisingly well! He was going through a divorce but was seeing a woman who was married (complicated I know but bear with me) He wasn't happy as they'd been on and off for years and whilst he left his wife she made no attempt to leave her husband. After a lot of talking and soul searching, we both decided to give us another try. He cut all ties with the other woman and gave us 100%. His sister from the word go has made it clear she is dead against us still! It's bad enough that she became best friends with the woman he cheated on me with all those years ago, she has now become good friends with this other married woman. She is making sure she stays in the picture and has even tried inviting him round whilst she's there. He, of course, has made it clear he's not interested but neither one of them is backing down. I have been getting messages from fake accounts telling me he loves her, etc but he has assured me that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his years with me. Even when he still had photos of her dotted around I never made an issue of it because I understood he needed to discard them when he was ready. The trouble is, his sister, his son and anyone who they have as mutual friends or family want nothing to do with me. Now, whilst I was never the one in the wrong, I have a strong belief that they have all been lead to believe differently and I can't shake off the feeling that he's going to break my heart again. I was on my own for 15 years because my heart was always with him and I never loved anyone else. Maybe old habits die hard, maybe I'm scared deep down that he will betray me again, but I can't cope with the constant rejection and abuse from those around him. He says I shouldn't let it bother me but it does. I'm supposed to be in a relationship with a man who has loved ones around him who openly show and say they hate me. Now I'm starting to convince myself he is cheating or at the very least talking to another woman. I even refused to believe he was at work one day and he turned out to be there as usual. I want to stay with him, he is the father of our child and every spare moment he has he spends with us. He showers me with love, compliments and even has our photos everywhere at home, in his phone/profile pictures and at work. He's asked me to marry him again and I said yes. But can I really be with a man who will have to keep me separate from any relationship he has in his life? Will I ever be good enough?

Hello OGMRS: Putting aside the bad behavior of his sister and the other women, he behaved pretty badly on his own: cheating on you throughout your marriage and then he cut all contact with you after you gave birth to his child for 10 years, or more.. how.. why would you want to be with a man of such (lack of) character? Amie

Many of us wonder about this all the time. It's not uncommon for people to feel pressure to perform to their own and others' high standards in a variety of settings. It's human nature to evaluate ourselves against others and come away feeling inadequate. It's possible to feel like a failure, to both ourselves and those around us. Remember that no one is perfect and that we each have our own set of strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has the potential to excel, and we should celebrate our individual successes and development rather than compare ourselves to an impossible standard.

He didn't just cheat on you. He cheated on his next wife, too. He didn't pick out a single woman, he picked a woman who was married. From the outside looking in, he hasn't changed at all. It isn't about you being good enough. It's about him finding someone with so little self esteem she'll put up with his shenanigans. Very crafty, what he did. A single woman would have been less likely to put up with being the side piece. She'd have wanted weekends, holidays with him. So he picks a married woman who's looking for a little excitement, and whose position in her social circle suits her. She doesn't want a full-time partner, doesn't really want to lose what she has with her husband, the house, the kids, their mutual friends, whatever; just a different roll in the hay now and then. He was cheating on you when you'd been married only five weeks. He has the attention span of a gnat. Date him if you want to, but understand you're marrying the whole fam-damnly, and they're jerks, too. His son? Someone he was raising while pretending you and your child didn't exist? How's that going to play out? Pictures of his *married* girlfriend still 'dotted about'? Nope, that's bad. Pictures of a deceased spouse is one thing. Pictures of a married mistress are another. You're 'good enough' to deserve a loving partner. He's a jerk.