Boyfriend may have been messing with my birth control, no period

my boyfriend (23M) and i (21F) have been together for 4 years now. i am currently in my last year of my studies, he has graduated and is currently working for his father. for about a year now we have been living together in his apartment, which was a gift to him by his father. things are just OK between us–i won’t lie and say that our relationship is perfect, because it isn’t, and there have been times where i have considered breaking things off. (he can be very controlling, denigrating and mean. it’s like he enjoys seeing me hurt.) but–things aren’t that simple and this post isn’t about that. let me get to the point: i have always been up front about the fact that i don't want to have kids. he has always said that he doesn't want children either; i most likely would not have continued our relationship if he'd have told me that he does want to build a family. so we use protection–i am on the pill. i have been since we started dating officially and began sleeping together. i don’t think i’ve ever forgotten to take my pill. still, my period has stayed out for a month or two, which is not all that uncommon, i don’t think. i chose not to tell my boyfriend as i assumed it was just a hormonal thing, nothing to worry about, but i have found out that this may not be “just that”. i snooped (bad, i know) and found some messages he’s been sending to his former student union friends. if the messages he’s sent them are true he has been messing with my birth control (and apparently really enjoying it). he’s told them i’ll get pregnant “on accident” and that i won’t have the heart to get an abortion so he’ll “get his way regardless”. implying that he gets off to it. i haven’t had the courage to buy a test, or to confront him about these messages, and don’t know how i’d do that… i imagine he’ll make me look like the bad guy for looking through his phone and/or tell me he was just making a few mildly offensive jokes, as he does. to be honest, i am afraid of how he’ll react too, since me seeing those messages possibly foiled his plans. he has never hit me, but he has in the past implied that he could and that i would not be able to do anything about it or defend myself if he chose to. this is probably a lot and i may sound all over the place, so apologies for that. if you have any advice to offer, anything at all to say, i would be really very thankful. please consider that moving out isn’t really an option for me... i don’t have any place/family to go to, all i have in this world is him. thank you.x

Don't the pills come in a vacuum pack? So, if he puctured the foil and moved them, you'd know. You could get an IUD, an implant, or the shot. You could ask a doctor about sterilization (though you're likely to get some pushback owing to your age) You could (since lover-boy *says* he doesn't want children) ask him to look into sterilization. You could get a plan B and refuse to have sex until one of the other methods have been put into place. Now for the options you have which you won't like: This man is a cad. ASIDE from just being mean to you, you now know about his [potential] shenanigans. It's not like he's behaving like a grown man; Daddy is paying for his apartment! He has threatened you with physical violence. If you'd never met this man, you'd have found a way to find a job and work your way through college with loans, work/study, grants, etc. You just would have. This is very troubling. It looks like he's trying to conceive a child (some men kind of get off on that) and then paint YOU as the villain ("She knows I never wanted kids and is trying to trap me") I think you deserve better, and you can find a more honest, mature, thoughtful partner. Since he's already threatened you, a call to the local domestic violence shelter would be a first step. It isn't that you don't have options. It's that the options you have, you don't like.

It's never okay for someone to mess with someone else's birth control without their knowledge or consent. That's not just a violation of your trust and autonomy, it's also potentially dangerous for your health. If your boyfriend really did sabotage your birth control, that's a huge red flag and a serious breach of your relationship. You mentioned that moving out isn't an option for you, but I would strongly encourage you to consider finding a way to leave the situation if you can. Is there a friend or family member you could stay with temporarily? Are there resources in your community that could help you find a safe place to go? It's important to prioritize your safety and well-being, even if it means making some tough choices. If leaving isn't an option right now, then I would encourage you to talk to someone you trust about what's going on. This could be a friend, family member, or a professional counselor. It's important to have a support system in place, and someone who can help you navigate the situation and figure out what steps to take next. Lastly, I just want to say that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in your relationship. No one deserves to be manipulated, controlled, or abused. Remember that you are not alone, and there are people who can help you get through this.

https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/reproductive-coercion-affects-50-of-women-ages-18-44/ Reproductive Coercion Affects 50% of Women Ages 18-44 Coercive Control Posted on 23 Mar, 2022 26 Oct, 2022 crop man covering mouth of woman A RECENT POLL showed that 50% of women between the ages of 18 and 44 have been targeted for reproductive coercion, in which a person or group influences another person’s right to reproductive freedom and self-determination. Studies show that women targeted for coercive control and women who have unplanned pregnancies are more likely to be targeted. There are three main types of reproductive coercion: Pregnancy coercion Birth control sabotage, and Controlling the outcome of a pregnancy The practice is also known as coerced reproduction, reproductive control, or reproductive abuse. The poll, commissioned by BBC News, also showed that: 2/3 women were pressured by a current or former partner or family member not to use contraception. 1/5 women were forced to have sex without contraception. 1/10 women said their contraception had been intentionally tampered with, hidden, withheld, or deliberately damaged. 1/10 women reported that their partner had removed the condom during sex without their consent. 15% of the women in the survey were pressured to undergo a pregnancy termination against their will. Forcing women to have sex without a condom turned out to be the most common type of reproductive coercion. Non-consensual condom removal is a form of sexual assault in which a man removes or sabotages a condom during sex without the consent of his partner. Colloquially known as stealthing the practice has been on the rise in dating culture since 2017. Non-consensual condom removal is classified as rape under UK law and in some US states. Why Do Men Practice Reproductive Coercion? Men who practice reproductive coercion tend to be highly narcissistic. It is an act of abusive power and control driven by desire to dominate, manipulate, and dupe their partner to satisfy the perpetrator’s sense of entitlement. There are online groups that encourage men to practice this insidious form of sexual assault that is ultimately a manifestation of misogyny. Manya Wakefield Latest posts Manya Wakefield is an educator and recovery coach specialized in cognitive behavioral therapy and trauma. She is also the author of 'Are You In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship?' and host of the Narcissistic Abuse Rehab Podcast available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Amazon. ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************** BigBrownEyes, It is NOT unacceptable to "snoop" if you wouldn't normally, but your survivalist drive urges you to, from just SENSING that there is evidence to be had regarding the SENSED fact that your so-called boyfriend poses a serious threat to your emotional, psychological, practical, financial welfare AND REST OF YOUR LIFE. "Snooping" then becomes acceptable. The too-compelling or concrete evidence you find proves beyond any protest or argument that you were RIGHT to snoop. This then adds another emotional crime to his abuses list: that of failing to be your partner 'as originally advertised' (tricking aka conning you into being his possession and slave), thereby not your partner but your enemy, as such, working AGAINST your best interests and rights (including your power over your own body and future path). If you "snooped" into all there was to "snoop" on yet found nothing and/or bf could prove (either empirally or intellectually) your suspicions completely unfounded - THEN he would have a leg to stand on. (However, we still have how he's mistreating and abusing you the rest of the time.) His disgusting messages show sadistic glee at his having committed Reproductive Coercion and not a shred of Shame, Guilt or Remorse. He's a Narcissistic Sociopath. You need to see your GP urgently (he or she will do a pregnancy test on you, using an early morning urine sample that you'll be asked to take in). For all you know, you're further gone than you realise, meaning, your putting your chance of an abortion (if that's what you want) at risk. Where's your mother and/or father in all this? Haven't you confided in them yet?