I miss the old me

I'm still a teen so I guess this can come off as a little dramatic but I still feel like it needs to be said for me at least. A year ago, I had it all regarding my mentality, I was the 3rd top student in my entire school. I am now a year ahead in high school I graduate this year & I'm staying back for extra courses just cause I can but last February, over a year ago now, I had a huge burnout. I guess taking 5 academic courses above my year took a hit. I've been an honour roll student for the last 3 years & honestly, I loved every second. I left some aspects to burn out because it was simply how life was. I had a falling out with all my friends a year ago when all was ok & I was profusely bullied so I was left with nearly no one. I had just started my health journey losing 25 pounds as of last year. The point is the social aspect of my life was non-existent & my health wasn't too much of a time consumer back then. I loved working to knowing that I had the ability to learn anything & so quickly was such a good feeling. Seeing those 90s on every single course gave me such pride but as I said, I burnt out and quickly. I even ended up failing a course before summer & now I'm still struggling. I can't seem to get back on course, and I can't seem to find that drive again before I know it other things have become more important like my social life or exercise or regretfully my phone/video games. I just can't get back into loving school. I know this is the nerdiest thing ever but school was never a chore for me, I always said it was more of a hobby. I just want back the old me, I was nearly a robot when it came to it & I was so much more confident, if I got that back now, I'd be at the top of my game with a real-social life, athletics and all that junk. I'm just seriously frustrated, I know who I want to be but I can't seem to get there, any tips?

Massive apologies for the delay in any response, CocaCole, I'll make time to reply tomorrow, and hopefully someone else might get the chance to respond in the meantime too. Thanks for your patience. :)

Hi again, "'m still a teen so I guess this can come off as a little dramatic but I still feel like it needs to be said for me at least. A year ago, I had it all regarding my mentality, I was the 3rd top student in my entire school. I am now a year ahead in high school I graduate this year & I'm staying back for extra courses just cause I can but last February, over a year ago now, I had a huge burnout. I guess taking 5 academic courses above my year took a hit. I've been an honour roll student for the last 3 years & honestly, I loved every second. I left some aspects to burn out because it was simply how life was." Most students take 3 courses, don't they? "I had a falling out with all my friends a year ago when all was ok & I was profusely bullied so I was left with nearly no one." Can you tell me what (and who) you know (or suspect) sparked it all off, and what happened (and go into detail), please? And give each actor a fake name? "I had just started my health journey losing 25 pounds as of last year." Wow, that's just 3 pounds under 2 Stone, isn't it? Well done! Do you suppose this had anything to do with the bullying, regardless of whatever 'above-table' excuse was given (if one even was) by these bullies? "The point is the social aspect of my life was non-existent & my health wasn't too much of a time consumer back then. I loved working to knowing that I had the ability to learn anything & so quickly was such a good feeling. Seeing those 90s on every single course gave me such pride but as I said, I burnt out and quickly. I even ended up failing a course before summer & now I'm still struggling. " So in other words: you threw yourself into your studies. But overdid it. I know why but I'll keep my powder dry for the moment, until you've provided the other info I need.) "I can't seem to get back on course, and I can't seem to find that drive again before I know it other things have become more important like my social life or exercise or regretfully my phone/video games." Actually, that's normal (despite uncharacteristic of you) after what you've been through, but, again - I'll await the details. "I just can't get back into loving school. I know this is the nerdiest thing ever but school was never a chore for me, I always said it was more of a hobby. I just want back the old me," Awwww. :( It's not fair, is it. "I was nearly a robot when it came to it & I was so much more confident, if I got that back now, I'd be at the top of my game with a real-social life, athletics and all that junk. I'm just seriously frustrated, I know who I want to be but I can't seem to get there, any tips?" Oh, you will get there - PLEASE don't waste your precious energy worrying. Really. This isn't such a big mystery. Respond to my queries, so I explain, and let's see if I can't fast-track you to a better place. :) Be aware that I can't post every day at the moment, though. So don't panic if I go quiet for a day or two.

thanks for your reply :) To answer your questions, most students do take about 3 courses per term so I have seem to have fallen into the average. The falling out happened with 5 people, lets say Jeremy, Maria, Marcus, James & Ethan. We'd been great friends, nearly inseparable but small & petty fights started arising, there were quite a few. Although an example would be like how Jeremy, Maria, Ethan & James had been friends with someone who had caused me to be bullied a lot. The huge falling out was when the entire group had told their friend, Nathan about my concerns with my mother health by which I told them in confidence. Nathan who I had never met ended up calling 911 (not specifying they needed an ambulance.) Cops, firefighters & parademics showed up at my door at midnight. I spent 30 minutes getting questioned by cops & overall it created a terrible night for no reason. If I'm being honest, a lot of this left my brain but I was mainly bullied because I was struggling with my gender identity so people thought it was odd. It's understandable, I never connected with other girls & back then, guys thought I had crushes on them when I wanted to hang out. At one point, I had my entire grade going in on me about it. My weight was never really an issue, a few people had picked on me but I mainly lost it because of my own ambitions. It was just another way to use up my time. After that, yea I definitely threw myself into studies, it didn't take too long until I had been able to get over the broken friendships & put the bullying behind me. Again thanks for your reply! :)

I remember during my last few years of high school I really started to lose interest in things. Most classes I just no longer saw much point to, and didn't take much away from because I had already learned most of what I would remember about those subjects. It was especially disappointing when it came to art. I loved drawing growing up, but somewhere along the lines in high school I realized that I just didn't enjoy really detailed drawing and painting as much as doodling. I lost interest in art class, and graphic arts class because I didn't really grow with the programs I'd learned. Friendships from this point in your life mostly won't last going forward, unless it's a particularly close best friend. I've actually found that I have more mutual respect from people who I was just acquaintances with than people who I was friends with throughout most of school. I would say try an do your best to complete assignments, but don't stress over things too much. You will likely find that no matter how accomplished you are in school, the real world is much different.

"To answer your questions, most students do take about 3 courses per term so I have seem to have fallen into the average." Thank goodness you were ABOVE-average prior to your 'fall'! "The falling out happened with 5 people, lets say Jeremy, Maria, Marcus, James & Ethan. We'd been great friends, nearly inseparable" 1. How long had you been friends with each of them? (Or had you met them as an already-formed group?) 2. Where did you meet? 3. And what was great about them? (Nearly inseparable - noted.) "but small & petty fights started arising, there were quite a few. Although an example would be like how Jeremy, Maria, Ethan & James had been friends with someone who had caused me to be bullied a lot. " 4. Are you saying they were disappointingly disloyal because they continued to be friends with someone whom they knew full-well had been your long-term bully? 5. What about Marcus? 3. Can you describe the bullying, including its frequency and total duration period? Also, has it stopped? If so - when and how? T"he huge falling out was when the entire group had told their friend, Nathan about my concerns with my mother health by which I told them in confidence." If you told them in confidence then you have every right to feel betrayed. (What - all 5 of them told him, including Marcus?) "Nathan who I had never met ended up calling 911 (not specifying they needed an ambulance.) Cops, firefighters & parademics showed up at my door at midnight. I spent 30 minutes getting questioned by cops & overall it created a terrible night for no reason." PARDON? What on earth did this Nathan say to them? And why Firefighters? And how did it compare to what you'd told the group in-confidence? "If I'm being honest, a lot of this left my brain" *It hasn't left. "but I was mainly bullied because I was struggling with my gender identity so people thought it was odd." OH. (Tsk. Idiots.) "It's understandable, I never connected with other girls & back then, guys thought I had crushes on them when I wanted to hang out." Oh, good grief, you're surrounded by small-minded idiots and ignorami. "At one point, I had my entire grade going in on me about it." Shocking! NO WONDER you can't remember it! (Yet) You need to get over the injury. "My weight was never really an issue, a few people had picked on me but I mainly lost it because of my own ambitions. It was just another way to use up my time." Noted. "After that, yea I definitely threw myself into studies, it didn't take too long until I had been able to get over the broken friendships & put the bullying behind me." *No, you didn't. That's not how it's done. You have to grieve and recover after something that deeply injurious. You sound (and are acting) as if you've been bullied by a Narcissist and SERIOUSLY let down by a load of Flying Monkeys. What you did in reaction was distract yourself and just shelve your pain. And that, I suspect, is why you haven't got your normal mojo and joie de vivre back yet - as used to include love of studying and scoring high grades. IOW, your departure from your usual self is chasmic. Ergo, so was the injury and its departure from what you'd thought were normal-healthy friendships. Get it? "Again thanks for your reply! :)" You're very welcome, and thank-you for thanking me! :)

(Oops, got too into it and forget to continue numbering! Do me a favour and finish the numbering when you reply?) PS: I should add: they may not be ACTUAL Narcissists. It depends on your ages (can you supply them?) because they might just be far behind when it comes to maturity, yet to emerge from that developmentally-natural Teenage Narcissistic Phase. Were they a bit babyish compared to you, if you're honest?

PPS: I want to put you straight on a few things: 1. "I guess this can come off as a little dramatic" Nope. If anything, you UNDER-stated it all. 2. "I know this is the nerdiest thing ever " Nope. No it isn't. It's called Drive & Ambition and in actual fact, you're very blessed to have it (because all brains and no drive can often play out as a life-sentance). Some would kill for it! (Well, these days - for either!) 3. "I have seem to have fallen into the average." Nope. Average means Good. Even under serious mind-f**king injury, you somehow(!) can still attain Good! Mate, you don't know yourself - you really don't. (Don't worry - I'll fix that.) 4. "but small & petty fights started arising, there were quite a few. Although an example would be like how Jeremy, Maria, Ethan & James had been friends with someone who had caused me to be bullied a lot. " Not small and petty. HUGE. No more putting yourself and your perfectly normal, natural, feelings down - okay? What you've endured is not one, but TWO significant episodes of Gang Bullying and a massive Betrayal. It's fine, though. You're a Survivor. :) Ain't no keepin' YOU down! Proof: Six Against One or no ambush. SIX against 'just' you. And before that - a whole classful. Think about what incredibly flattering - but clearly true - things that says about you, please? ;)

PPPS: Take your time and supply as much detail as you like (a mini novel is fine by me cuz I can reed ackchewell bookx, doncha no, lol) because I may not be available to post tomorrow. Give me the full, unexpurgated version, including the He Said then She Saids if you want. The more data, the better. :) Oh, and feel free to swear if you find you need to - as long as you f***ing Asterisk it, lol. And feel free to be scatching. I think you need to be - so try, even if normally that's not you.

Tsk - scathing

Found this to reassure you that it's not - and never is - personal (other tha the fact that they're intimidated by you and you "make" them feel inferior, which they can't tolerate and seek revenge over ("cuckoo!")). Neither by the main bully nor the "Flying Monkeys". It's simply about you, being a bird of a certain feather, trying to fly with the wrong flock (at root). https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/category/narcissistic-abuse/ "IN THE CONTEXT of narcissistic abuse, flying monkeys perpetrate secondary victimization on the targeted person. This article revisits their origin story to answer the question, “How is a flying monkey destroyed?” What are Flying Monkeys? Flying monkeys are aggressive enablers, who shield the narcissist from being held to account. During the love bombing phase of the cycle of narcissistic abuse, they support the narcissist by lending them credibility. They are also active in devaluation and discard phases of the abuse cycle, acting as informants, lieutenants, character assassins, and enforcers of the narcissistic person’s agenda. The Flying Monkey Origin Story The concept of flying monkeys comes from the L. Frank Baum children’s novel, ‘The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.’ It tells the story of Dorothy Gale’s dramatic foray into the enchanted fairyland. A tornado causes her house to land on Nessarose, the Wicked Wicked of the East. As the Winkies rejoice over the demise of their oppressor, Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West, appears to claim her late sister’s magical ruby slippers to consolidate her dominance in the realm. However, in an unexpected turn of events, Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, intervenes and casts a spell placing the coveted shoes on Dorothy’s feet. Thus begins Elphaba’s vendetta against Dorothy in the Ozian saga. In her effort to retrieve the ruby slippers and become omnipotent, Elphaba commands her army of flying monkeys to terrorize Dorothy and thwart her from achieving her goals. The Wicked Witch of the West used the flying monkeys to abuse Dorothy by proxy. In the real-world, enablers of narcissistic abuse exist within a similar power dynamic. For this reason that author Sam Vaknin borrowed the term flying monkey to describe them. What Caused Elphaba To Attack Dorothy Gale? Before we consider Baum’s idea of how the flying monkey is destroyed, it might be helpful to recognize why the Elphaba sent the flying monkeys after Dorothy in the first place. The Wicked Witch of the West saw Dorothy as a threat to her identity and status. Dorothy’s kindness and empathy made her a preferable steward of power to Elphaba who was notoriously dictatorial. When Glinda rewarded Dorothy with the coveted ruby slippers, Elphaba experienced a narcissistic injury and set her mind to sabotaging Dorothy’s rise to power. From Elphaba’s point of view, bringing Dorothy down was as an act of self-preservation. As is the case with most narcissistic people, Elphaba was frightened of her rival. Like Dorothy, many people who experience narcissistic abuse do not see their own power and are oblivious to the fact that highly narcissistic people feel threatened by them on some level despite their posturing and bravado. Fear is one of the driving forces of the narcissist’s effort to exert control over them. Why Are Flying Monkey’s Loyal To Narcissists? According to Baum, the actions of flying monkeys are not necessarily personal. They are obedient to whoever is the power holder within their hierarchy. Baum wrote that flying monkeys recognized a magical Golden Cap as the ultimate symbol of power. In the ‘Hidden History of Oz: An Introduction to Oz Before Dorothy,’ author Tarl Telford reveals that Baum’s notes detail the cap was created by Gayelette, an enchantress at the Ruby Palace. Whoever wore the Golden Cap had command of the Flying Monkeys and could ask them to do their bidding, whether for good or for ill. Victim-survivors often describe secondary-victimization as more painful than the first instance of narcissistic abuse. It’s hard to make sense of the flying monkeys aggression when you have done them no harm. It can be helpful to recognize that their behavior is not about you, it is about their survival within their social circle. Learn More About Flying Monkeys The Narcissist’s Flying Monkeys Types of Flying Monkeys How Is A Flying Monkey Destroyed? Returning to ‘The Wizard of Oz,’ Baum wrote, “Dorothy went to the Witch’s cupboard to fill her basket with food for the journey, and there she saw the Golden Cap. She tried it on her own head and found that it fitted her exactly.” In other words, Dorothy was destined to hold power. In the first instance, she is given the charmed ruby slippers by Glinda and in the second instance she unwittingly takes it by pilfering Elphaba’s Golden Cap which fits her as if it was made for her. However, Dorothy does not realize the cap’s power until she is made aware of it by the Queen of Mice. Once Dorothy learns the secret of the Golden Cap, she realizes she has the power to command the army of flying monkeys and their attacks cease. In a surprising turn of events, once Dorothy realizes her power, the flying monkeys carry her to Emerald City and where she is made a Princess of Oz by Ozma, Queen of the Realm. The moral of Baum’s story is that the solutions to our problems often exist within us. Dorothy was an ordinary person who prevailed in a power struggle with the most fearsome character in Oz. She accomplished this by using her tactical skills to build a social circle of her own. Through her good nature and building connections with others, Dorothy successfully realized her full potential in spite of the Elphaba’s aggression. Moreover, by courageously realizing coming in to her own power, the flying monkeys chased their allegiance and served her. Conclusion Flying monkeys may be on a mission is to bring you down but your power lies in your choices. For example, you can see them for what they are and remember that their aggression is not about you. Dorothy did not waste time or energy trying to convince the flying monkeys that they had a terrible master. Instead of fighting them, she invested her effort with people who believed in her. She did not allow attacks from the narcissist or the flying monkeys to sway her from her goals. Dorothy stayed close to people who cared for her and continued building friendships with people who wanted to see her shine."