So unhappy

My husband had his prostrate removed six years ago. He as to use a pump or inject himself to get it going. It’s not like it used to be where he used to just come home and we could have it there and then and he would be turned on by being close to me. Now it’s all changed and I’ve accepted how it is and put up with it. The other night he was touching me all over but not once did he say he wanted sex. It’s always me most of the time saying are we having it so I thought it would be nice if he said it for once. We had been lying there at least 10 to 15 minutes and touching and he hadn’t said anything. I got all worked up and said he didn’t want it with me. He then said, do you want to have it. By then it was to late and I felt I wasn’t wanted and felt rejected. He said what’s wrong with touching and cuddling up before we have it. I told him he wouldn’t of said to have sex anyway because if it wasn’t for me he would just lie there and I would be the one saying to have it. I must admit I’m sick of saying yo him to have it and I want him to say he wants it for once off me then I would feel he wants me and not feel rejected. He said how can I feel rejected when he touches me and shows he wants me. I told him he never says to have it and just lies there. He might touch me but that’s all he does. I told him if it was another women he would be all over her and would be making the moves all the time and telling her he wants to have it. There’s been cheating and lying going on for years from both sides and it’s been in my head to divorce him. It’s not what he wants but I’m just sick of it all and think if we divorce all this anguish will be over. I told him we both have different sex drives and he should be happy I still want it with him after him after his prostrate removed. I heard of another woman who left her husband after he had his removed but I’m still here and wanting to have sex with my husband but feeling he’s not to bothered if we do it or not. He says he’s not cheating and dies want me and his always touching me. He also says it’s not like how it used to be for him where he used to just lie next to me and get a stiffy. He said he as feelings down there but not like they used to be. I think he needs more foreplay to get him to feel more down there. I keep thinking it’s because of me and he doesn’t want sex with me. I feel I’m ok to cuddle up to but nothing more. We have been married 26 years together 30. I feel I don’t turn him on enough but I do dress up now and then and give him oral but not all the time. I feel he only wants to touch me but nothing else. Please advise

Have you talked to a urologist to get a grasp of what the side effects of his surgery are? I think (from what I've heard) sensation is decreased. It's sure as heck not as easy for him to get an erection. Maybe he's hoping you would be satisfied with alternative forms of sexual activity, but it's clear you're not. In fact, you've gone a step further and assumed this has something to do with you personally. I'm betting it doesn't. maybe you could have a coversation with his doctor about the optons the two of you have for sexual pleasure. I'm going to guess your husband was treated for cancer? I hope he is, and remains, cancer free. Best wishes.

RE-reading, I'm wondering if I should have been more straighforward. It's possible your husband simply isn't able to have erections like he did before the operation. That's not anybody's *fault* at all. It's just a matter of fact that prostate surgery can have that side effect, and it sometimes never gets better.