I need marriage help

am so confused and hurt. I (F) 38 am married to (M) 43 for 16 years now. A few weeks ago he asked for a divorce because I was trying to have a discussion about how unhappy I am. I have been a stay at home mom for 16 years I have gotten part time jobs in the past but kids would get sick or needed Dr appointment and he talked me into quitting because it made more financial sense. However, I am completely isolated. I've lived in this boring town for 18 years and have no friends or family besides him . I have no rental history no money and a crappy credit score. I have no way of supporting myself much less my youngest child. I left for a couple weeks to think. When I came back he said he was willing to change and wanted to work things out. But the very next day he got pissed at me because I asked him what he would be willing to do around the house told me I am raising his blood pressure and it's my fault he has bad high blood pressure. My kids and I do everything that has to do with the house. Please keep in mind I asked him to never do dishes ( one sink full takes him 8-9 hrs to do and not actually clean). I have been applying to jobs since I got back I made a plan for myself get a job save money to move out but I have to live with him until I can. I have come to him the last couple of years and straight out said "I'm lonely I am always alone" he says "sorry I don't know how to fix it" everyday I have to compete with his cell phone it's far more important than me and my kids. He's not cheating. But there is no affection no intimacy it's like we are just roommates for the last few years. I'm lost. I married him when I was 22 everything was great but around 5 years or so he started talking to ex's and that's when everything died. I have tried and tried. Now he's going on and on about my spending habits. I spend approximately $140 a week and it had never been a problem until lately. The first week I was back he stopped drinking and started paying attention then went right back to the way it was before. I know it's over but I'm completely screwed. I made my life revolve around him and the kids. I don't leave the house unless it's for groceries or Dr appointment. I have no family to go to. I don't know how to live on my own. And the town I live in is small and sucks. 16 years ago I told him I hated this town and didn't want to live here forever. I want to see the outside world I know there's so much out there I haven't seen or done. We have never really done family vacations or any traveling it's always sitting in this house. He has never asked me to go anywhere with him and if he does it is to his friends where he walks off with them and leaves me there alone knowing I don't know anyone. I don't know what to do. How to get out knowing I have nothing and no one. Please don't get me wrong he's a good man he hasn't done anything to me on purpose he's just oblivious. He doesn't actually think about his actions. Please keep in mind there are 2 sides of the story. I know I stopped putting in effort to get dressed everyday I know I'd rather be reading than listen to another day of his work day ( 16 years and it's the same thing over and over) he's not actually willing to change and I know that. He actually moved out of our room into the spare room a year ago. There's nothing left. I'm so tired of being lonely and ignored."tl;Dr"

Hi SCARYSK2638, First I'm going to spread your post out a little. It's hard to read without any paragraph breaks, and I wouldn't want any would-be respondent to be put off by that - especially as, to me, once I'd popped the pauses in, that report read almost like poetry! (Have you ever tried poetry?) Anyhoo, if you could try to include them next time please? - Cheers! :) _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SCARYSK2638 - Jun 20 2023 at 17:52 am so confused and hurt. I (F) 38 am married to (M) 43 for 16 years now. A few weeks ago he asked for a divorce because I was trying to have a discussion about how unhappy I am. I have been a stay at home mom for 16 years I have gotten part time jobs in the past but kids would get sick or needed Dr appointment and he talked me into quitting because it made more financial sense. However, I am completely isolated. I've lived in this boring town for 18 years and have no friends or family besides him . I have no rental history no money and a crappy credit score. I have no way of supporting myself much less my youngest child. I left for a couple weeks to think. When I came back he said he was willing to change and wanted to work things out. But the very next day he got pissed at me because I asked him what he would be willing to do around the house told me I am raising his blood pressure and it's my fault he has bad high blood pressure. My kids and I do everything that has to do with the house. Please keep in mind I asked him to never do dishes ( one sink full takes him 8-9 hrs to do and not actually clean). I have been applying to jobs since I got back I made a plan for myself get a job save money to move out but I have to live with him until I can. I have come to him the last couple of years and straight out said "I'm lonely I am always alone" he says "sorry I don't know how to fix it" everyday I have to compete with his cell phone it's far more important than me and my kids. He's not cheating. But there is no affection no intimacy it's like we are just roommates for the last few years. I'm lost. I married him when I was 22 everything was great but around 5 years or so he started talking to ex's and that's when everything died. I have tried and tried. Now he's going on and on about my spending habits. I spend approximately $140 a week and it had never been a problem until lately. The first week I was back he stopped drinking and started paying attention then went right back to the way it was before. I know it's over but I'm completely screwed. I made my life revolve around him and the kids. I don't leave the house unless it's for groceries or Dr appointment. I have no family to go to. I don't know how to live on my own. And the town I live in is small and sucks. 16 years ago I told him I hated this town and didn't want to live here forever. I want to see the outside world I know there's so much out there I haven't seen or done. We have never really done family vacations or any traveling it's always sitting in this house. He has never asked me to go anywhere with him and if he does it is to his friends where he walks off with them and leaves me there alone knowing I don't know anyone. I don't know what to do. How to get out knowing I have nothing and no one. Please don't get me wrong he's a good man he hasn't done anything to me on purpose he's just oblivious. He doesn't actually think about his actions. Please keep in mind there are 2 sides of the story. I know I stopped putting in effort to get dressed everyday I know I'd rather be reading than listen to another day of his work day ( 16 years and it's the same thing over and over) he's not actually willing to change and I know that. He actually moved out of our room into the spare room a year ago. There's nothing left. I'm so tired of being lonely and ignored."tl;Dr" ___________________________________________________

Hi again! Here's my interim reply: You're bloody lovely, you are. And brave. And you have such poise. And OMG, you definitely could have been a marathon-runner. ...Oh, wait, silly me - that's exactly what you are, and have been since 5 years in! Eleven laps (woah). But on a rollercoaster-shaped running track (wowzers). Crikey, your mental legs, etc., must be so fit and RIPPED by now! "am so confused and hurt" I know.... From any angle - I know.... Have a much-needed parental hug: (((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))) Anyhoo, I myself will definitely be with you - full cylindry at the ready - some time tomorrow (hopefully in the daytime, will do my best). NO WORRIES. Exhale. Meanwhile, anybody else can feel free to post their support and/or opinions. Or just chat to keep you company. (We are a bit thin on the ground for respondents at the mo., you see....might be because summer's just kicked-in and the novelty has yet to wear off? Or everyone's got too much of their own sh*t to deal with? Don't know. But I will definitely be checking tomorrow - no worries.) I know how all this works. I know what to do - every little bit of it. I'll guide you, if you want?...your pace....baby steps is fine;...YOU'LL be fine...better than fine. In the coming weeks or months, you're going to learn what was always the truth. That anything he can, i.e. has learned to, do, you are capable of doing (WAY-way-way-way) better. And you're FAR mentally stronger than him. I'll say it again - your powers of incredible endurance (mind strength) under such duress, stress, distress, and anguish, prove it. And more intelligent (- hah - I should cocoa?!). Anyway, the fact you're here says you'll be fine. Do ensure to delete us from your History - just to ensure our confidentiality and your emotional safety? :)

By the way - what's this? Is it an emoji, or text-abbreviation? (I'm not e-technically-minded): "tl;Dr"

Hello? Are you still there, SCARYSK? 'Trouble at the mill' or just busy?