Love? Inlove? What is it?

Me and my boyfriend split up almost 3 weeks ago he claims he is inlove with a girl he meet about 2 months ago.... Me and him were together for about a year and half.... He says he loves me but is inlove with this girl... She is married and left her husband by the way.... They (my ex and her) would hang out all day while I was at work and her husband was at work.... Me and him would argue everyday so we finally split and she moved in 2 days later.... My ex claims he is in love with this chick... But tells me that he loves me and to not give up on him just be his friend.... How can he be inlove with this chick? Is it just the someone new or is this shit for real... It took him a week or so to admit they were living together and were a couple and had sex.... He swears they never did anything while we were together but oh well I think they did.... Anyway when he finally admitted to sex he was actually trying to hook up with me.... And I shut that down real quick.... So any advice on is he inlove with her or just wanted something different....

"Me and my boyfriend split up almost 3 weeks ago he claims he is inlove with a girl he meet about 2 months ago...." Oh, *I* see... He cheated on you behind your back and said nothing until the new relationship took and it was safe to discard you without end up alone. Used you. No Love In-Memoriam, even? How come? Answer: You can't have a memory or sensation residue of what was never there in the first place (despite what his mouth and faked actions might have said). "Me and him were together for about a year and half...." Minus 2 months. A year and 4 months. Sixteen months. Didn't even make it to the 18 month point! You're supposed to not date them if they've never managed to take a romantic relationship beyond 18 piddly months. So he's done you a favour, then (despite right now it doesn't feel like it). "He says he loves me but is inlove with this girl..." Tell him I said - OH B*GGER OFF, YOU TWO-TIMING, FREAK OF NATURE! Peerow, what he's trying to do is give you hope that if you just hang on, his love for you will come back. That way, you'll stay in the wings (seen as his woman-on-the-side, now, or just waiting-waiting and receiving just enough crumbs) so that if his other victim proves less giving and cushy etc. than you, he can easily pick up with you again. Or see and play you both off, simultaneously (in which case, he'd be a Sociopathic Narcissist - run, run, run!). "She is married and left her husband by the way...." Oh, good grief.....say no more. Poor woman - she's really in for it. He's going to start treating her like sh*t now. Because she's got nowhere to run home to. He's got her where he wants her. She is SO going to regret that. She maybe thought he was her 'taxi out of there' (bad marriage), little knowing that he'd be a case of jumping out of her frying pan and into his fire. "They (my ex and her) would hang out all day while I was at work and her husband was at work.... Me and him would argue everyday so we finally split and she moved in 2 days later...." Yup. Typical. "My ex claims he is in love with this chick..." HOW THE HELL WOULD HE KNOW! No man that can treat you (or anyone) how he's treated you AND STILL IS, is capable of loving ANYONE - except himself (and even that is fake). IT IS *NOT* POSSIBLE. FACT. UGH. Just - UGH! Sleazy, weasley, home-wrecking (CENSORED)! "But tells me that he loves me " Yeah, course. I mean - can't you just FEEL IT, all that love? (Christ!) "and to not give up on him just be his friend...." Oh - what...So this woman-hating dweeby snake treats his romantic partners like interchangeable sh*t and you're supposed to believe against logic that he's Friend Material worth hanging on to? That if he cares LESS for you as a mere friend than Numero Uno, he'll treat you BETTER? Tell him he's not of suitable quality to be your friend - go on. "How can he be inlove with this chick?" As above - he's NOT. He doesn't GET with women for love. He gets off on treating them badly, making them his defenseless victims as he humiliates the uck out of them, time and time again....TORTURES THEM. He feels entitled to be Atila The Hun and have himself a WHOLE (secret) HAREM of FREE PROSTITUTES come adoring, desperate-for-him fans. BLEUGH. "Is it just the someone new or is this shit for real..." His damaged/downright broken mind is for-real. Where have YOU been? Have you not learnt anything about Narcissism, lately?? "It took him a week or so to admit they were living together and were a couple and had sex...." They're not a couple. He'll spend X months priming her to be his conqubine, same as he did you. You, however, took 16 long months. Not quite A1 Slave material, I'm afraid (haha!). Hence seeking another, which, the act itself, will meanwhile KNOCK THAT CONFIDENCE AND 'DEFIANCE' OUT OF YOU! (Not. You're too clever and healthy-minded to be his slave. Hence this is also your punishment...from his Highness (spit).) "He swears they never did anything while we were together" I asked the Liar if he was telling the truth and he said, Yes. "but oh well I think they did...." See? You ain't stupid, are ya. Baaaaaaad Slave, hahaha. "Anyway when he finally admitted to sex he was actually trying to hook up with me.... And I shut that down real quick" WOOHOO!!!! Well done!!! FIVE GOLD STARS AT-ONCE - A NEW RECORD: Thlup!....Thlup!....Thlup!....Thlup!....Thlup! ".... So any advice on is he inlove with her or just wanted something different...." Neither. He's sick in the head. And you're a fine specimen! He isn't fit to lick your boots.... and personally, I wouldn't let him anywhere near my boots...they might catch an STD. After all, just because he's made sure you know about THIS one, doesn't mean in that 18 months - even the day you were meeting allegedly-single-Him - he wasn't organising other concubines behind your back. Probably. Yeah, sorry, it's always worse than you first think. Never mind. If you'd stayed with him, you wouldn't (after you've grieved) have been free and single in-time to bump into your next, NICE, HEALTHY, NORMAL boyfriend. You'd have missed him and could have spent another couple of years before the next one. Thoughts? And are you okay? Emotionally, I mean? Still functioning ok?

Well I am better on somedays and worse on others! We (Him and I) have talked a few times... I looked up the difference in Love and InLove and sent it to him he claims He understood it but I have my doubts... Anyway this past weekend me and him has a long talk and I explained a lot of my feelings for example I asked him how can you move on so quick if you cared about me at all.... He had no response also he admitted that the new is wearing off and he tells me he is not happy in all the departments of the relationship he claims their sex life is not interesting enough that she is boring... But oh well... Also I asked how he can go home and look her in the eye after he has been with me.... He said he don't feel guilty because he found out something she has done and she don't feel guilty so why should he.... The whole time he was out of town working last week he messaged and called me.... And I am a smart ass so I had to say things like I guess you done checked in with your 1st choice and now on to ya second huh... He would be like you are not a second choice.... Yeah right!! But I have not talked to him in going on 3 days now... Am I wondering what is going on... Yeah but no cause he has no minutes on his phone but it is driving me crazy that he hasn't tried to contact me in anyway.... But in all honesty after our talk I am better because I see how he is already hiding shit and lying to her... Do I feel bad for her HELL NO!!! I am the kinda person who if I know it bugs you I am gonna make sure it gets done.... I will get my payback against her... So in closing yes I am better but not ready to move on.... Do I miss him... Yes the old him I miss.... Do I still think about it... Yes Am I still overthinking everything when I don't hear anything YES

Well he showed up to my door about 45 minutes ago and I went to the store with him (I needed cigarettes) and now I am back home and thinking... Thinking way to much... I just really want to know what he is thinking and why the hell I even care.... I am being pulled in two different directions.... On one side I have all this anger towards him and her mainly towards him but yeah she better hope I don't see her... anyway.... My anger is mainly about no answers to what the F**k does this bitch got I don't... And what kinda person would do this to someone they claim to love and not wanna hurt??? I told him earlier that I felt like an inch tall because I refuse to watch him do without I guess that is my big heart getting in the way or the friendship we had before coming in to play... I give and give and what do I receive? Nothing!!! I see the train coming and do I jump off the track... Nope I let that motherf***ker hit me at full blast Now the other direction I am being pulled in is... I have got to be strong and not let him see me get upset anymore... But I ain't built like that I can say shit don't bother me and yeah I can be his friend but can I really do it? I am not sure yet! If I could move on I would but I don't trust anyone right now and I don't want anyone right now... But I can't just sit at home go to work and come back home for the rest of my life... So I guess I will just sit here and have a talk with self and see what happens.... And hope for the best but expect the worst...

Well he showed up to my door about 45 minutes ago and I went to the store with him (I needed cigarettes) and now I am back home and thinking... Thinking way to much... I just really want to know what he is thinking and why the hell I even care.... I am being pulled in two different directions.... On one side I have all this anger towards him and her mainly towards him but yeah she better hope I don't see her... anyway.... My anger is mainly about no answers to what the F**k does this bitch got I don't... And what kinda person would do this to someone they claim to love and not wanna hurt??? I told him earlier that I felt like an inch tall because I refuse to watch him do without I guess that is my big heart getting in the way or the friendship we had before coming in to play... I give and give and what do I receive? Nothing!!! I see the train coming and do I jump off the track... Nope I let that motherf***ker hit me at full blast Now the other direction I am being pulled in is... I have got to be strong and not let him see me get upset anymore... But I ain't built like that I can say shit don't bother me and yeah I can be his friend but can I really do it? I am not sure yet! If I could move on I would but I don't trust anyone right now and I don't want anyone right now... But I can't just sit at home go to work and come back home for the rest of my life... So I guess I will just sit here and have a talk with self and see what happens.... And hope for the best but expect the worst...

Hey again! Thanks for bearing-with... "Well I am better on somedays and worse on others! We (Him and I) have talked a few times..." Worse on others. Still allowing contact from him will be why. Google, How To Go No Contact - or - Grey Rock (to make HIM go away and be capable of slaying him if he dared try to slime his way back into your life - or even your consciousness!). "I looked up the difference in Love and InLove and sent it to him he claims He understood it but I have my doubts... " Probably, as is characteristic of anyone (-thing) doing this particular dance - he just doesn't give a sh*t enough to WANT understand, nor even if he actually does understand. HE DOESN'T CARE. Their whole love-life takeover campaign is based on keeping you conned (with Honeymoon Heroin aka Love-Bombing aka Priming aka "Idealize" - google) for only as long as is convenient to them and only them, that they "love you", even CAN love (nope, not poss without empathy and self-sacrifice skills). Also Google "Narc Future Faking". After your innings, he shouldn't be CAPABLE of "just falling in-love" with a third party! "Anyway this past weekend me and him has a long talk and I explained a lot of my feelings" It won't and can't work. Because he doesn't care how you feel, one way or the other! IF HE DID AND COULD - YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE WITH THIS REPORT OF HIS DISGUSTING-NESS AND WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION (see how that works?). If this was about, bumped into someone and fell in-love (rather than cruised behind your back hence had one he'd prepared earlier to whip out at warp speed!) - that'd still beg the qustion, How was that possible if you were at the time in-love or even still loved? If this were about his having gone off you then why not do the NORMAL thing in sitting you down, explaining and ending it....then getting over the relationship, same as you'd be doing...then getting used to being single again - well, put it this way: taking at least another 6 months to adjust to being single again....THEN, AFTER THAT, going back onto the dating-mating ground! See the diff? What I've described is how NON-narcissistic, i.e. healthy male partners, live-in or not but ESPECIALLY live-in, run a relationship breakdown and break-up. Worse - you'd have KNOWN things weren't right for him! He warmed up one of his "fan-club" behind your back. But anyway - let's read some more... "for example I asked him how can you move on so quick if you cared about me at all...." Good - it's a "Snap!", you and I. "He had no response" Case Closed. He's a Narc. When a woman needs badly to know WHY you're pushing her without warning off a cliff-edge and he refuses to give you a single answer - that is the height of cruelty. Pure Sadism of the 'petty', 'domestic' variety, emotional variety. Prolonging Your Pain. But I'll continue anyway. "also he admitted that the new is wearing off" LIE! NO SHE'S NOT. HE'S DANGLING THE CARROT IN FRONT OF YOU. THAT WAY YOU'LL BE PRIMED TO BECOME HIS "OTHER WOMAN" (as he forever "has trouble" ending it, despite really-really wants to (not)). DON'T BITE. "and he tells me he is not happy in all the departments of the relationship he claims their sex life is not interesting enough that she is boring..." Well, then, he should have thought of that. It's called, You made your bed - now you can lie on it (both meanings in his case), you dirty rotten cheating bstd. Plus it's rot. Would he really have you believe, that despite he himself just recently confirmed they had indeed had sex during yours and his relationship, he'd never had enough shag-fest sampling of her well before he jumped Lilypads? PFFF. YUH, RIGHT. No. It's just to make you think that if only you can compete against her and do better - he'll change his mind and pick you, and dump her. No he won't. No, he won't. And, no, he won't. It's all a con. To position you as his new mistress/conqubine. CAKE AND EAT IT (typical Over-Entitlement to astonishing Narc-Spath proportions). "But oh well... " He's NEVER going to cooperate with you, mate. He's not fit for a relationship because he can only do Master-Slave (which equals Power Over, not Equal Partners (as is vital for success)). You'd best have a surf about Malignant Narcs and see for yourself. It's Master-Slave or Incarcerator-Torturer-Slave - including Sex Slave. His ego bucket always needs ample filling - which is really re-filling - because there's a permanent, unfixable hole in his bucket. Narc-Sociopaths can have up to 15 duped Slaves/Mistresses at one time. You've been dating a loony-tune. The kind that can act nice, normal, even lovely - until you're hooked and they go, PUT UP WITH THIS OR THE PUPPY GETS IT (he abandons you to the pain of a broken heart AND pain at realising you loved a carefully crafted, wholly false, Nice persona to cover up what a nasty a-hole he in truth is most of the time. What NORMAL guy would even WANT a Harem????? "Also I asked how he can go home and look her in the eye after he has been with me...." Because he doesn't care about her as a person or how she ever feels, not least in response to his sh*tty treatment, any more than he does you and your feelings. A malig. narc cares ONLY, SOLELY about himself. That's it. Because they can't love - they USE and enjoy ABUSING instead. (Yes, indeed: Cuckoo!!) AND THE TARGET-VICTIM ALWAYS, ALWAYS FINDS OUT TOO LATE....when ending it will be "proper painful" (unless you surf up on them and realising that it wasn't personal because, as I've explained, their problem is they neither want nor are capable of getting personal). If he has ANY empathy, he'd have bonded to you by only 6 months max.. A 6mth max. boyfriend. I doubt you ever really felt safe and secure in that relationship. And that's why. "He said he don't feel guilty because he found out something she has done and she don't feel guilty so why should he...." Ollocks. The reason why he never feels guilty over anything sh*tty he does is because he COULDN'T CARE *LESS* for anyone other than himself and his Harem-Owning agenda. Bet she hasn't done a single thing. If he tells you he's dumped her - he's lying. Anyway, his new relationship (tell him) is none of your business. He dumped you for no reason out-of-the-Blue and that's all you need to know. Bye-bye. If a man isn't sure whether or not he wants me....or her....or me.....or her.... (ugh) then that is tantamount to NEITHER LOVES .NOR IS IN-LOVE NOR EVER WAS WITH YOU. OR HER. Remmeber this, from Taylor Swift's "Trouble"? "And the saddest fear Comes creepin' in That you never loved me Or her Or anyone Or anything Yeah" "The whole time he was out of town working last week he messaged and called me.... And I am a smart ass so I had to say things like I guess you done checked in with your 1st choice and now on to ya second huh... He would be like you are not a second choice.... Yeah right!!" This guy would deny that the sky were Blue if you let him! He's a Covert. They love Plausible Deniability and Passive- as well as Covert-Aggression (i.e. "Yes" says the mouth, "No" says the failure to do so, meaning, 'Scr*w you, b*tch, you don't tell ME what to do, I tell YOU, and I don't have to do anything I don't want to!' (THEN DON'T TRY TO BE A RELATIONSHIP *PARTNER*, THEN, says the uninitiated. But it's NOT a relationship, it's a Fauxlationship.) "But I have not talked to him in going on 3 days now..." GOOD. It'll give you time to identify and study up on him (REAL him/it). "Am I wondering what is going on..." As above explanations. If you mean, specifically - he thinks he's warmed Pan Of Milk No. 2 (now) sufficiently that he can return to do the same to Pan Of Milk No. 1 (now). HAREM. Or at least - two girlfriends, neither of which he has to commit to, both of whom he can torture as he uses and abuses (because their sick egos get off on it) (I know - call Matron). "Yeah but no cause he has no minutes on his phone but it is driving me crazy that he hasn't tried to contact me in anyway.... But in all honesty after our talk I am better because I see how he is already hiding shit and lying to her..." YUP. Ohhh, yup. "Do I feel bad for her HELL NO!!! I am the kinda person who if I know it bugs you I am gonna make sure it gets done.... I will get my payback against her... " No, no, no. Get your payback on HIM. *She*...is as much a duped kidnapee AS YOU. She is your co-victim; he'll be telling lies and ollocks to HER, too. (He's probably told her you're a drug-addict who abused him, blah-lie-blah, to get her to feel sorry for him and hate you (for him)). DON'T BITE. She'll realise soon enough. You and she would probably get on fantastically (two Givers - Takers NEED Givers). "So in closing yes I am better but not ready to move on.... Do I miss him... Yes the old him I miss.... Do I still think about it... Yes Am I still overthinking everything when I don't hear anything YES". Well OF COURSE you are, but, OF COURSE you aren't....OF COURSE you do....and yes, of course (albeit, HE NEVER EXISTED, HE WAS AN ACTED CHARACTER LIKE A SOAP-OPERA ACTOR but just without the trashy, over-dramatic, over-incredible, Daytime TV production crew).... And again, OF COURSE. All of that and over-thinking is where you are supposed to be. You're on the Recovery Path, but this time, it's way harder because you're having to straddle TWO Recovery Paths. The other is, I OF ALL PEOPLE, WOZ CONNED INTO THINKING HE WANTED TO BE MY ROMANTIC PARTNER. Conned AND your heart broken. But again - the antidote comes with talking and learning here, and on the web. Trust me, it'll suck you right in - the days will SPEED past! It's incredibly morbidly fascinating. Which is great, because it's like a mental BALM that helps you feel LESS pain and also feel better, faster. You'll see. :) Welcome to the Fauxlationship Club. Have a wander around here as well (usually under Relationship or Emotional). You'll be fine, honestly. Better than fine is the usual outcome. Don't worry about the fact you're grieving. There are countless coping and painkilling mechanisms on offer - if you know how. And that's where I come in. The good news is that they're like gym equipment for the mind. You'll come out of THIS failed "relationship" WAYWAYWAY stronger, mentally and emotionally... like (if you were a plant) someone fed you Baby Bio and suddenly before you know it, you're not only feeling better and GLAD he's out of your life, but blossoming. It's how it goes...which is another thing you could Google: why do Narcissists say and do the same things? - and see if it leads you to the fact that by his whole rotten functionality, YOU have a very common, narrow response-script too, i.e., this grieving and recovery path is the exactly same path that every ex-victim/survivor naturally walks. And once you're on it - BY CHOICE - which you are - there's no turning back, no reverse. But it won't be long before you wouldn't want to anyway. Stay away from him. He's a nasty, manipulative, greedy, grossly-shockingly-over-entitled, bully. Search Malignant Narcissist and/or Narcissistic Sociopath and see which he best fits. I think the former. Unless he leeched materially and financially off of you - RSvP?

PS: as well as attending to his newest (soon-to-be) Conqubine, he is punishing you with (Google) Narcissistic Silent Treatment for the fact that you wouldn't buy it, wouldn't crack and fall gratefully into his (now barely even part-time) arms. Trust me, he's mentally ill in the personality (DEEP!) and it makes him and everything he intends and wants, DISGUSTING.

PPS: He's a really, really bad liar, BTW. He obviously is particularly lazy for this type and hopes to rely on his "charms" and your (he hopes) desperate need not to get heartbroken in a headf**ked stylee. Well, you showed him, then. :) And his mind won't be liking THAT. Because it causes Narcissistic Injury. (You want revenge? You gottit!) See? You didn't know that, did you. Because this isn't "a bloke". It's a feral human that lacks what makes us human and humanitarian but which has learned to act and speak like one - in various roles (home, work, social, romance) - acted so repeatedly often over YEARS, that they're deemmed Bafta-level actors (and actresses). Not really, though. The role(s) is long beyond off-by-heart, and is second-nature now. Plus, their audience is drunk/high on "Honeymoon Heroin" (they make your brain make Heroin and/or Opium itself!). Plus, if he's a narc-Sociopath - they (unwittingly) have an hypnotic effect, fact. I'm going to make an educated guess that he is - or was - fantastic in bed. ? You may lack education (understandably) about what's up with him, how and why, etc., but I am REALLY liking your pride/self-worth, missus. Talk about unshakeable! You're going to be FINE. BETTER than fine. I'll even make a bet with you if you like? :)

BTW: if you DO do (shooby-doo) the correct thing in directing your anger AWAY from his other victim and on to HIM where it BELONGS - that, also, will MAJORLY speed up your healing and anaesthetise the pain. Normally, one shouldn't hang onto anger. But this isn't 'normally'. This is La-La Land....land of the Narcs. They don't SHARE worlds. They pull you into theirs (down the rabbit-hole). And theirs is sick and doesn't work right...everything upside-down and back-to-front... In La-La Land - what goes Up does NOT come down. And that's how if you stay, you can slowly but surely "Lose Yourself" until you go mad or turned into one yourself (that's why they liken them to Vampires and Zombies). In La-La - ANGER IS FANTASTIC. It's turbo. It's your shield from his 'forcefield'. With anger at him in the mix, his charms won't/can't work. Say it with me: He's a nasty, NASTY, COLD-HEARTED, EVIL BASSTD! And this: Poor cow. She hasn't got a clue what's coming. (That...is her punishment/lesson. Get it?) Now a potential shocker to consider: How do you know this conqubine didn't pre-date you and he? How do you know YOU weren't the mistress? Remember, you know NOTHING apart from what the liar-twister-manipulator is telling you. And we already know he is full of **it from that drivel up there.

"My anger is mainly about no answers to what the F**k does this bitch got I don't" She's more subserviant and compliant - and easier to dupe than you. You see? You've got to start surfing in order to realise that this is the OPPOSITE to how sane, decent, pleasant men think, behave and function. You've been dating a non-Sectioned nutter with a talent for pretending he's the opposite. LITERALLY happens to all the nicest people.

"And what kinda person would do this to someone they claim to love and not wanna hurt???" (All together now:) A MALIGNANT NARCISSIIIIIIIIST! They're NOTORIOUS for this whole 'screenplay'! Again: where have you BEEN these last 3-5 years while the whole globe's been calling-out Narcissists, starting with the "Me Too" Campaign???

You're going to heal/get over him and it, really quickly. Because you're naturally expressive with your emotions. 'Good venting, maaaan' :) I'd give it a good 6-out-of-10? But I do think you could do better. (Don't forget to asterisk your swear words - cheers.)

"But I can't just sit at home go to work and come back home for the rest of my life... " Trust me - that is not going to be your life. Every fresh victim feels like that. And yet it never, never happens. Plus, as I say, there are many-many ways to speed up your healing and detaching from him (it). When you END the relationship and act like it by 'never again speaking to your (NPD) Ex' - because Ex says what it does on the tin - which is (feels to you) tantamount to mentally jumping off a cliff and taking him down with you, what, surprisingly, ACTUALLY happens is, your (NPD) EX goes down the pan. Not you... (They're destined/mal-wired to go down anyway, the way they operate. They just grab you on their (normally slower than this) descent and try to take you (likewise bit-by-bit) down with them - or before them.) If YOU go first - if you get off that mountain descent path by jumping off the side, and thereby automatically grab him as you go over - and then let go - they keep descending. But YOU, THE INNOCENT VICTIM, FALL UPWARDS. Back up the rabbit-hole to where you where. (Ever seen Alice In Wonderland by Disney?) He does not. Without you, he falls down more dramatically AT SPEED. Mucho injurious. Near-fatal or fatal....depends if you know what you're doing or know someone who does (cough). PS: I equally would be happy to a place a large, monetary bet on you NOT ending up like that (hahahah, bless...but this is one of those instances where ignorance is NOT bliss).

"and why the hell I even care" Because you're still under his influence because you're still speaking to and seeing him. Every time you interact, you see him as the lovely guy he convinced you he was, with whom you're still attached. Remember Dua Lipa's "New Rules"? "...Two: Don't let him in, you'll have to kick him out again Three: Don't be his friend You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the mornin' And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him I got new rules, I count 'em I got new rules, I count 'em I gotta tell them to myself I got new rules, I count 'em I gotta tell them to myself I keep pushin' forwards, but he keeps pullin' me backwards (Nowhere to turn) no way (Nowhere to turn) no Now I'm standin' back from it, I finally see the pattern (I never learn, I never learn) But my love (love) He doesn't love me, so I tell myself I tell myself, I do, I do, I do One: Don't pick up the phone You know he's only callin' 'cause he's drunk and alone Two: Don't let him in, you have to kick him out again Three: Don't be his friend You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the mornin' And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him." You continuing to give a sh*t relies on him prodding you intermittently - any time he can feel you getting over him a bit - via contact. To warm you back up/re-Prime you. Stop him from being able to access you and, you steadily, speedily won't. Truth is, you're addicted to that self-made (instigated and executed by him) Heroin. No Contact is Cold Turkey (but without the shakes and pukes) (much easier). Truth is also, you suffering more than necessary during this ending and aftermath relies wholly on you failing to get busy familiarizing yourself with "the Narcissistic/Sociopathic boyfriend" and thereby panicking and struggling with the process (which are the two things that cause you the most pain). You're probably not quite ready to see this yet. But by the sounds - you're NOT FAR OFF (hurrah!).

PS: "I love you but I'm not/am no longer IN-love with you" is a very old, very well-worn attempt by your cheating (always cheating) malignant Narcs to dupe the woman they've Devalued and are now Discarding (Google), into being left still believing that HE IS A NORMAL, HEALTHY PERSON. Because if you don't know what a secret nutter he is, you still have Hope. It's called An Old Chestnut.

PS: no need to panic again if I'm absent for a day or two. I live here, I'll always be 'home' at some soon point - no worries.... When, not If.

Ok let me give you a little bit of the background of this whole situation from the very first time I met him We met in October of 2014 he was going thru a divorce and I was just trying to outrun prison time... I was on drugs to kill my feelings of the real world of letting everyone I knew down.... He was on drugs to stop the divorce pain of the betrayal he had been thru.... So we did our thing till December of 2014 he just up and moved I went to prison in February 2015 got out in aug 2016 did great till 2018 when I wanted to stop the pain of a death of my favorite grandma that had Alzheimer's ( she was mean with it) so i went crazy for a couple of months... Anyway I was at a mutual friends house and he pulled up with his girl he had been with for about 3 years he said hi I said hi he went his way I went mine... But he asked that mutual friend for my phone number she didn't give it to him this was in early 2019 then in 2020 he pulled up in my driveway and well we talked as friends and caught up on stuff but he disappeared again then in 2022 maybe the end of 2021 he started coming around alot just to talk... Then about February or March 2022 we were not officially dating in his eyes but we were only with each other no label was put on it but we both knew.... We finally put the label on it for everybody else... So I think that is why I am so pissed and hurt he refused to label me as his girl friend and it took him awhile to tell me he loved me but he hasn't been with this b***h anytime and is calling her his girl friend and telling her he loves her!!! That hurts a lot..... I am starting to look back and see things that you have said.... Yes he always said he was gonna do what he wanted.... Nobody was gonna tell him what to do... The weird thing is I told him he was gonna leave me for this new person... I even told her that I didn't think it was right for them to be hanging out all the time she claimed she understood... But she gave him the sob story of how mean her husband was and how he had her on a short chain.... So me and my smart mouth told him he didn't have to be captain save a ho!! But apparently he did.... He was always thinking I was messing around on him and I wasn't never even thought about it.... He swore I was hiding stuff and anytime we would argue he would swear somebody was listening or watching.... That is a whole other story but anyway back to the matter at hand... Yes I have told him a lot in the past 3 months that he plays nice to get what he wants then when he gets it he is mean or changes again.... He always got mad when I would speak truth or when I wanted to talk about things... Everything I had to say was stupid or didn't matter... Just like today I said I refuse to be a side chick or a second choice and he said why do you always start gripping or bitching about stuff.... He does have control issues and if he ain't in control or in charge he ain't gonna do it.... I agree he is with her because she is weak and easy to control hell her husband did it supposedly so she is a easy target... And I have told him that he of course denied it but I see it.... anyway I am gonna go take my mind off this for a second and smoke a cigarette and just sit in silence for a minute Thanks for helping me and letting me vent

Sorry for the delay again. (I need 8 arms.) Be with you again either tomorrow or Friday latest!

I'm soooo sorry...I haven't forgotten you and I will get to you next, promise! :)

Heya! Just a few stragglers from before: "I just really want to know what he is thinking and why the hell I even care" Because you're a particularly intelligence thus highly inquisitive woman, and it niggles majorly when you want to find out and understand something(s) but are being (deliberately) denied that knowledge to which YOU ARE entitled. This is one of the hardest points on the recovery path for victims of the madness known as NPD. Your heart and mind can't come to terms with something if it can't comprehend and identify what it's just been through ("relationship/loves or did love me really...fauxlationship/loves me not and never did, just pretended"). "Cognitive Dissonance' (plus not having a mind programmed for spotting, understanding, or dealing with... mad people (which proves it's too far from the natural/normal/healthy psychology)). The mercifully fast solution is to read up on "why do narcissists refuse to give you closure". Have a ganders and then ask me any questions. But asking yourself why you even care, is again part-and-parcel and really good sign that you've made huge progress up the path in very short time. I guess he must have been mistreating you and 'just not behaving right' for a good while in the run-up - correct?...as aligns with the Devalue stage as preceeds the Fake-Discard/Fake-Real-Discard/Real-Discard-(maybe not) (yawn)...and what you called 'arguing all the time' - no doubt about things that shouldn't even have been massive issues or issues full-stop - was actually you trying to defend yourself against his unreasonable, partner non-cooperative attitudes (and accusations?). You don't want him/it back. You just want to know how the heck a man can behave like that, even unprovoked. And you want back the chunks of your ego he stole and made off with (don't bother, it'll grow back..and he'll have eaten and poo-ed it out already because 'there's a hole in his ego bucket, dear Liza'. "Now the other direction I am being pulled in is... I have got to be strong and not let him see me get upset anymore. On one side I have all this anger towards him and her mainly towards him but yeah she better hope I don't see her... anyway.... My anger is mainly about no answers to what the F**k does this bitch got I don't... And what kinda person would do this to someone they claim to love and not wanna hurt???" If you're upset, you don't have to pretend you don't care and never cared....don't have to hide your FUNCTIONAL bonding programme, hide that you're a healthy specimen. He doesn't care how you are or how you feel and never did, anyway. His anti-loving actions says so. So it's imperative to keep him away, not let him keep poking and prodding you in your wound sites thereby keeping you from continuing to get over him (- he knows what he's doing, you see; if you get over him you won't stick around all hopeful until you eventually crack and agree to share him with another woman (yes, yes, I know you wouldn't, but he's crazy...and some women would...the type who are misguidedly too scared to be single (which is a futile fear since victims usually realise, fairly quickly, that daily life and keeping on top of things (like before you met/moved in) is FAR EASIER without them...you'll see...you'll realise you were single in that fauxlationship anyway...or like, you wanted a partner but, having bought his false 'advert' and 'test-drive' ended up in reality with a young, teenage (but nastier), kid...in a Grown-up Suit). The truth is, it's THEY who can't live without constant support and company. So in summary, giving you closure would help you to move on without them. And they can't have that because they might need to use you again for whatever perks and conveniences you supplied. So get your closure the better, faster, unemotional way: ze web... ((my double parentheses)) ___________________________________________________ https://www.marriage.com/advice/mental-health/getting-closure-with-narcissist/ "Is it possible to get closure with a narcissist? The answer is: NO. It’s because while you’re losing the person you loved and cared about, the narcissist is only losing their source of narcissistic supply. When a narcissist leaves you, they don’t feel any regrets as they don’t admit that they can be wrong. That’s why getting closure with a narcissist is nearly impossible since they may never accept the responsibility for their role in the breakup. They always have a different narrative of the relationship than you, where they twist the facts and play the victim. Wondering if a narcissist asks for closure? Well, you won’t see a narcissist looking for closure as they weren’t emotionally connected to you the way you were to them. Even if they agree to have a conversation with you and answer your question about why they treated you that way or left you, chances are their reasons will be trivial and vague. They may not make sense to you and make you wonder if the narcissist ever had any feelings for you. 12 ways to get closure with a narcissist If you are trying to figure out ways of overcoming a narcissist person and his impact on you, you need to take some necessary steps. These steps can help you combat the doubt, insecurity and pain that accompany waiting for a closure. The road towards closure can be challenging and confusing, so here are some ways to get closure with a narcissist and move on with your life: 1. Accept that they won’t give you closure It might not be what you want to hear right now, but it is the truth. Even if you reach out to the narcissist and try to have one last conversation so that you can make sense of what happened, chances are they won’t provide it to you. The sooner you accept that the sooner you can work on finding closure on your own. 2. Create closure within yourself As the narcissist won’t give you closure, you need to create it within yourself to move on. Otherwise, you may keep expecting the narcissist to come back (which they often do if they have no other source of attention). You might even take them back again. Ask yourself what you really need from them and find ways to get them yourself. You can write a closure letter to a narcissist to lay your feelings out, and it can help you release negative energy from your mind to get closure. 3. Cut off all contact Before finally breaking up with a narcissist, you might have gone through a few times when they’ve asked for one last chance, promised to change, and get help. Narcissists can be master manipulators, and you might have taken them back as their apology seemed sincere. That’s why meeting a narcissist to get closure is a bad idea, because they may use that as a chance to get you back. Block their phone number, stop texting, calling, or interacting with them on social media. Stop all sorts of communication with them from getting closure with a narcissist. However, going no contact with a narcissist may be tricky as they might show up at your house or work unannounced once you block them everywhere. Remove yourself from the situation and walk away instead of engaging with them in any way. 4. Get rid of everything that reminds you of them You can’t get closure with a narcissist if everything around you keeps reminding you of them. You need to detach yourself from them. That may mean deleting all the texts, throwing away the gifts, deleting the photos and videos you took together or moving to a new place if possible. Moving past a narcissist isn’t easy, but you need to do everything in your power to help yourself stop obsessing over them. DON’T stalk them. Not on social media, not in real life. 5. Take time to grieve A relationship with a narcissist isn’t all bad. They use love bombing during your relationship’s initial days, which is one of the most used narcissist manipulation techniques. Their thoughtful gestures and attention might make you feel like the most important person in the world. Research shows that levels of grief after a breakup differ based on who initiates the breakup, individual personality and level of involvement. So, ending things with them may feel like the death of a loved one. You need to mourn the loss to move on and find closure truly. Let yourself experience all the emotions. Don’t try to skip any of the five stages(denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) of grief. 6. Stop ruminating It’s natural for our minds to contemplate over things we can’t fully fathom. If a narcissist suddenly ghosts you, you may keep replaying the past over and over again in your head to understand what went wrong. To get closure with a narcissist, you need to shift your thoughts every time you start obsessing over the relationship. Distract yourself whenever you find yourself ruminating again. You may call a friend or family, watch your favorite TV show, or hit the gym to take your mind off the breakup. ((My own tack is - grieve and ruminate as much as you can stand whenever a grief and post-trauma wave hits....get it out...get it over and done with as swiftly as possible, and only distract like that IF the pain that day is literally unbearable. But talking about it as much as you need to is imperative so - keep venting, venting ist gut! But only with other ex-victims/those in-the-know. The (so far) Lucky Ignorants out there just won't get it and will end up the opposite of helpful. It's no different to springcleaning, really. If you do 3hrs per day rather than per week, and don't cheat and cut corners, you're going to be finished sooner. The other thing is, NOT to be scared of mere sensations, to grit your teeth and remember "This Too Shall Pass" and to be GLAD whenever a wave hits, taking the attitude of 'Excellent...one bucketful less, won't be long now!'...plus the more you read up and understand, the quicker your traumatic state disappears, which puts the pain back into pure heartbreak size as it should be, but which pain then shrinks again because you've realised you got romantically (pff) embroiled WITH A SECRET NUTTER!...which is a bit of a turn-off, eh!)) 7. Shift your focus to yourself Being in a relationship with a narcissist means giving all your attention to them. They might have made you feel guilty for having friends or hobbies as they needed your undivided attention. You may also experience anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem if you’ve been gaslighted frequently. Research has revealed too much focus on others can lead to mental exhaustion and burnout in the long run. Instead, focusing on yourself can enhance energy levels and satisfaction. To get closure with a narcissist, now you need to focus only on yourself and prioritize your well-being. Focus only on healing, building self-love, and growing self-esteem. 8. Take responsibility for your part While your narcissistic ex is responsible for playing games and manipulating you to fall in love with them, you can’t deny your responsibility for getting in a relationship with them. Attraction to a narcissist stems from unresolved childhood trauma." ((This one is behind the latest research so ignore it. Without partner equality there IS no co-creation and therefore no shared responsibility whatsoever...just complete dominance and corruption of everything that normally would work smoothly). It is not necessarily unresolved trauma any more than you could claim to someone that their scar site from that street stabbing two decades back can't really have been properly healed or otherwise that latest nutter wouldn't have been able to pierce that same skin and flesh with his dagger, it wouldn't have got through! (Duuh?) There is everything RIGHT with victims...certainly before THEY get their hands on you... but as for Co-dependency and all of that, if it does exist in the victim - those are not why they pick you, those are either just a cushy bonus that make re-moulding you easier and faster OR is simply the state they put you and then LEAVE you in. ...everything right with the victims and everything wrong with the perp who from Hello is first secretly then openly DOMINATING the proceedings. Here's another, simpler example: in the school playground...new kid asks you to play ball...you do it like it should be but said kid keeps throwing it painfully at your face and body....you tell your mum/dad after school and they say, Well it's partly your fault for agreeing to play ball with her, then...you must have been in the mood for pain. They wouldn't say that. Or you'd say, Yuh, but I didn't know she didn't work right because she wasn't wearing a warning notice and looked as normal as everyone else, plus I'M NOT TELEPATHIC! NOBODY wants a fauxlationship with an exploitative sharkish nutter. But neither do they want to leave the Original Nice Version. You have to learn online then accept, that there never was a Nice version, it was an act to get you to stick around long enough, with his off-the-charts wooing (usually) rushing you, to get deeply but artificially hooked. It's a headf**k, though, isn't it. They're SO INCREDIBLY convincing....especially as they're keeping you drunk/high during said 'Honeymoon'. You want to keep the Nice Guy BUT NO NICE GUY IS CAPABLE OF TURNING INTO A CRUEL, ABUSIVE MONSTER (it's far too far to walk!))) ******************************* Not finished yet so let me catch up properly with your latest...

PS: I want to stress this: WHY THEY PICK YOU: Because you have whatever variety of Je Ne Sais Quoi. And you're a Giver (Takers obviously need huge Givers). Nothing wrong with being a Giver, everything right...and two Givers together is bliss. They think they're special (because they can plot and manipulate....I know - they're crazy, what can I say?) and therefore, deserve special. In fact, they're mental and emotional - but crazily egotistical, self-aggrandising cripples. Normally, you wouldn't look twice at them because even WITH their best fake-Lovely/Nice personality, they're not in your league. They PRETEND to be on your level when in reality they're dysfunctional nutters but who are gobsmackingly over-entitled YET SELF-DELUSIONAL ON MULTIPLE LEVELS). But the day you got with them, YOU WERE, in whatever way, DOWN....DISTRACTED...STARVED THUS DESPERATE...not firing on all cylinders (hence can't appreciate the importance of the few drops of nutjob-ness (the mask slipping off howevermuch because acting 24/7 is exhausting) in an otherwise (during Love-Bombing/Honeymoon) vast ocean of perfect-for-you behaviour. They get you when you're down because that's their only chance to seize you. Same reason why they rush you 'to the alter'. They're trying to beat that moment when the mask falls properly off (and their actually huge lardy arse bursts out of their jeans). It's like they're the crazy twin who gets you to fall in-love with their sane and genuinely nice twin-brother (and you're unaware there are two of them). Then they, the abuser, suddenly materialises, locks the twin you fell in-love with in the basement, and tells you "do this, think that, don't you ever this, fetch my slippers, slave" if you want to see him again! You love the guy in the basement, but you DESPISE this horrid twin...but can't show him or Nice Twin gets it. YOU ARE TRAPPED. You can't bear the thought of running away and abandoning Nice Twin. So you set about earning approval and Brownie Points to buy a day here and a day there with Nice Twin. Then comes the day you somehow find out, Nice Twin is NOT in the basement; Nasty Twin killed him and just pretended he was still down there, alive. That's probably about the size of how you feel right now, yes? IF on the day you'd got with them, they'd revealed enough of their true selves to you - NO WAY would you have agreed to another date. You'd have thought, Ugh, eff-off you weirdo. And it makes it even more difficult if you were friends first because you seem to have all this prior evidence to say that he WAS normal, etc. No, it's just that as friends you're at arm's length. You don't see there's a mask until, by turning things romantic, your face is up-close to his. And it doesn't matter any more even if he was a good enough friend; now you've seen behind his mask - and once you've realised/healed/realised/healed some more - there's no way you'll want to be in the same room as him.

"Ok let me give you a little bit of the background of this whole situation from the very first time I met him We met in October of 2014 he was going thru a divorce and I was just trying to outrun prison time... I was on drugs to kill my feelings of the real world of letting everyone I knew down...." Letting everyone down HOW? And prison time for what (what the heck was that like, btw??) Which drugs? But...So you were down. Yup. To-script. ""He was on drugs to stop the divorce pain of the betrayal" Did you ever see concrete proof of this betrayal or was this just his (common Narc-Sociopath) sob-story to extra-attract you via your inner mummy? Was HE the betrayer? Well, look - he is with you, isn't he. AND this second (soon to be even worse-off than you ever were) victim! (Question: was he always trying to persuade or trick you into taking it up the rear passage?) " he had been thru.... So we did our thing till December of 2014" (Two months) "he just up and moved I went to prison in February 2015 got out in aug 2016 did great till 2018 when I wanted to stop the pain of a death of my favorite grandma that had Alzheimer's ( she was mean with it) so i went crazy for a couple of months" It's called traumatised. (Condolences.) "... Anyway I was at a mutual friends house and he pulled up with his girl he had been with for about 3 years he said hi I said hi he went his way I went mine... But he asked that mutual friend for my phone number" Three years. I wonder how many extra women he had already, that neither you nor even she had a clue about. "she didn't give it to him" WHAT A GAL! (Are you still friends with her?) Noted, that you had a close friend with strong morals and high standards. :) "this was in early 2019 then in 2020 he pulled up in my driveway" Just turned up, unannounced. Typical NPD over-entitlement (me-me-meeeee). You're supposed to be FLATTERED that Their Highness has deigned to visit peasant-You, when in actual fact, they're supposed to have a bit of sodding respect and ask your permission like would a normal person. Next time someone does that when it would have been easier to have rung/texted to pre-arrange a visit - do yourself a favour and say, "Ohh, what a shaame you didn't ring - I've got company, sorry - ring me later and we'll make a date to meet up". Don't say you'll let them in this time, just this once. They might be a Narc and if so, there IS no just once (give 'em an inch, they take a mile) (10 miles). "and well we talked as friends and caught up on stuff but he disappeared again then in 2022 maybe the end of 2021 he started coming around alot just to talk..." So you weren't actually friends, you were acquaintances. In 2020 he ghosted you, basically. Yuh, great friend. (Were you short on company at that point?) So end Dec 21 or beginning 22, he started...what?....just turning up uninvited and unannounced again, but on a regular basis? (Did you live at a 24/7 petrol-station?) ...And, presumably, the conversations were mainly all about Him-Him-Him, yes? "Then about February or March 2022 we were not officially dating in his eyes but we were only with each other no label was put on it but we both knew...." How convenient for him. Without the Job Title there's no obligation to do the work associated with it. Did you think you preferred it that way too? If so - why? "We finally put the label on it for everybody else... " Can you explain? "So I think that is why I am so pissed and hurt he refused to label me as his girl friend and it took him awhile to tell me he loved me but he hasn't been with this b***h anytime and is calling her his girl friend and telling her he loves her!!! That hurts a lot..... " They know this hurts a lot. It's part of their Priming you into the Sex-Etc. Slave, called, "Managing Down Your Expectations" (google). He doesn't mean it. He doesn't feel it. He doesn't want to feel it. He's not interested in Love because he can't do even Friendship, let alone Loveship. He's just priming her and recognises that he'd better go at DOUBLE-double time with her because you're giving off vibes and showing signs (even if you don't mean to) (he's done this a hundred or more times before), that you're not QUITE firmly enough attached to the Tenterhook he's trying to keep you dangling from, that the hook has lost a lot of purchase, meaning, you could any time soon fall off to the ground and get far away from him (bang goes his harem of sex-slaves...all trying their best to get Mr Nasty out of the way so that Mr Nice can return and continue from where he left off). "I am starting to look back and see things that you have said...." You wait - there's loads more to come! (Repeat: not going anywhere...consider me your secret weapon...but delete your History each time if he ever used or got near your gadgets). (PS: Fewer, maybe, but - there are women acting just like your ex towards their bf/husband as we speak. NPD is an Equal Opportunities employer.) "Yes he always said he was gonna do what he wanted.... Nobody was gonna tell him what to do..." ((Awww, eff-off, you stupid idiot.)) "The weird thing is I told him he was gonna leave me for this new person... I even told her that I didn't think it was right for them to be hanging out all the time she claimed she understood... But she gave him the sob story of how mean her husband was and how he had her on a short chain.... So me and my smart mouth told him he didn't have to be captain save a ho!! But apparently he did.... " Oh, so he flaunted her ("vaguely") for a while first. AWWW...all of this is simply him trying to break and tame a stallion: YOU. He's obviously been putting the thumb-screws on you but because they didn't work, he's now put you on the Rack. You must be a really lovely partner, as well as cushy/convenient to a Narc. (Didn't have to be captain to save a ho? Is that an American saying? What does it mean? Captain of what?) "He was always thinking I was messing around on him" Noooo, he didn't. N-Spaths are ALWAYS accusing their 'lovers' of cheating. I've had it tried on me. It's Projection. THEY'RE always doing it, and it's easy...ergo, YOU must be. Also, it keeps your eyes fixed on behaving in ways that support your innocence RATHER THAN noticing what HE'S up to. It's to keep you on the defensive and trying harder...harder....harder to get him to see that you're a gem. One of my Spath exes tried that "I KNOWWW you're cheating on me whenever I'm not around' crap, multiply on me. My responses (because I was secretly done and waiting for the precisely right time to chuck him out without getting my house burned down(!), plus ensuring I got something out of it, which was, a live one to prod, poke and study) were to just have fun taking the piss, e.g. (rapid-fire), 'OOH, AM I? Who is he? Is he tall, dark and handsome? Got a photo? Has he got a big one? When am I seeing him? Tell-me-tell-me!...', or, 'Naaah, ain't got time, mate - you're too High Maintenance'. (He discovered he couldn't beat me up for my 'answers for everything' (yeah, they're called truth and reality) so all he had was his mouth and stupid duping actions...and those didn't work, either......BY GOD, thinking back on it, he must have been secretly seething at me the ENTIRE TIME, hahahahaha! But sort-of-luckily, Spaths are notorious for 'over-reaching' and under-estimating their 'stallion'; they get spat-out a lot; it's the Malignant Covert and Covert-Vulnerable NPDs, and Malig. Narc-Psychopath AsPDs, that can wear the mask tightly for decades without detection (eh, Rolf Harris)). "and I wasn't never even thought about it...." Course not. You're the gal with the upstanding friend (like attracts like)...but who hit a rough patch and picked the wrong medicine to self-medicate with. "He swore I was hiding stuff" That means he was. "and anytime we would argue he would swear somebody was listening or watching.... That is a whole other story" It's either because he has a co-morbidity with Paranoid Personality Disorder OR because he was deliberately trying to instill (via repetition and YOUR empathy (to absorb his attitude)) fear, insecurity, lack of safety, i.e. paranoia, in YOU. Mine tried this tack (*fail*). "but anyway back to the matter at hand... " No - go into that more? "Yes I have told him a lot in the past 3 months that he plays nice to get what he wants then when he gets it he is mean or changes again" Yes. They're only nice to get something or somewhere. Once they've got it - or once they can see they've warmed you back up to where you were - they no longer need to "be nice". Until the next time. (Saying that, they can have the odd, genuine Good Days too, when everything's been going their way for a period.) ".... He always got mad when I would speak truth or when I wanted to talk about things" Yup. That way lies you working him out and where you really stand. "... Everything I had to say was stupid or didn't matter..." Which is tantamount to that disruptive bully-kid in the playground who answers every admonishment from the other kids, with, "I KNOW you are but what am *I*!". It means, they haven't a clue or just aren't interested in explaining anything. Why would they need to fix a situation when FOR THEM it's a cushy set-up? "Just like today I said I refuse to be a side chick or a second choice and he said why do you always start gripping or bitching about stuff" ((BECAUSE, PAL, YOU KEEP GIVING ME THINGS THAT ANY SANE PERSON WOULD HAVE TO GRIP AND BITCH ABOUT!)) Anyway: Typical. There's even a meme. It goes - Narcissists want you to believe that your reaction to their abuse is the problem, not the fact they're abusing you. And another - Narcissists turn their crime against you into yours against them. Mine goes: PSYCHOLOGICAL CANCER ALERT - RUN!!! But - Isn't heee LOOOOVEEELLLLLY.... (puke) Ugh. UGH. 'DON'T FANCY YOURS MUCH, LUV!' (,,,and "Eez gurn 'ome in an amber-lance!") ".... He does have control issues" Really? How queer for a Narc-Spath. (:D) "and if he ain't in control or in charge he ain't gonna do it...." We call that, Spoiled Baby. Or Despot....Dominator.....Dictator.....Hitler (if they somehow manage to get into power)... (NOBODY GIVE THIS PRIZE A-HOLE EX A COUNTRY TO RUN!!!) He's foul. "I agree he is with her because she is weak and easy to control hell her husband did it supposedly so she is a easy target... " Poor woman. Can you imagine?....out of the frying-pan and into the NUCLEAR BLOODY EXPLOSION! He'll probably end up making her miss her ex! (See what I mean, though? *They get you when you're down*.) "And I have told him that he of course denied it but I see it...." Yup. Good. "anyway I am gonna go take my mind off this for a second and smoke a cigarette and just sit in s??ilence for a minute Thanks for helping me and letting me vent" No problemo, Senorina! I think you're pretty cool, actually. But even if I didn't, I'd still help...just because I BEEPING DESPITE THE BEEP OUT OF THEM! So the fact you're cool and interesting just makes it more fun, that's all. :) Do you smoke filter-tips or rollies?

PS: "They know this hurts a lot. It's part of their Priming you into the Sex-Etc. Slave, called, "Managing Down Your Expectations" (google)." And, destroying your confidence...the thing that stands between him and finally getting you to wear a saddle and let him ride you.

PPS: I don't care if you hit a rough patch (or rather, the rough patch hit you) - THIS is real you: ""Anyway when he finally admitted to sex he was actually trying to hook up with me.... And I shut that down real quick" WOOHOO!!!! Well done!!! FIVE GOLD STARS AT-ONCE - A NEW RECORD: Thlup!....Thlup!....Thlup!....Thlup!....Thlup!" Start surfing and pretty soon you're going to realise how RARE it is for victims to immediately jump to moralistic arms like, to become SHARPER-minded under serious pressure (AND temptation). VERY. You could be a Narc-slayer. Cool as uck. Once you've stopped limping, you're going to squish him. :)

I think he lost feelings for you and couldn't express towards you and he's probably in love with the other person. My advice to you even though you love him still and won't be easy but the best thing to do is to move on after what he has done already and find somebody else that truly can give you what you deserve.

Hi Selton, In-love with the other person? You must have missed this bit: Peerow wrote: "Anyway this past weekend me and him has a long talk and I explained a lot of my feelings for example I asked him how can you move on so quick if you cared about me at all.... He had no response also he admitted that the new is wearing off and he tells me he is not happy in all the departments of the relationship he claims their sex life is not interesting enough that she is boring." Even if all those complaints about the woman were completely made-up lies (probably) or over-exagerrated out of all recognition, designed and contrived to make Peerow feel she ("Ooh-ooh!", not) still has a chance to "win" him back (if only she succeeds in all the ways that the newbie is failing (not))... Even if - What kind of person trash-talks about the woman he left Peerow for, to another person like that, let alone when the other is his (alleged) said-same ex? (Cuckoo!) He doesn't love anyone but himself. And even then, all he loves is his own, fabricated persona and public image but hates the person inside whom he used to be/show. Where building and sustaining relationships with other humans is concerned (at the least): He's broken. His programme's seriously corrupted (fizz, pop, bang!). End Of. He'll meanwhile be trash-talking to the newbie about Peerow. It's what Malignant Narcs do. You don't even have to be in a romantic relationship with them. A Narc Boss will do it ("Triangulation" & "Managing Down Expectations", Golden Employee pitted against Scapegoat Employee, a Friend, Find in a Group, a Sibling... even as 'parents' they do it ("Golden Child" v "Scapegoat Child")).... ************** Peerow - any update? Forgot to say - mucho importante: best to cease telling him how you think and feel. 'Keep your powder dry'. All you're doing is teaching him where he's going wrong... not lying or covering his tracks well enough, whereby he'll know to improve them. Teaching him how to be a worse Narc and con-merchant, basically. Say nothing, keep him away from you, and 'watch? him self-destruct.

Or better yet (if he makes No Contact too difficult, just turning-up, catching you on-the-hop: Tell him to go home to "his missus". SHOVE THEM TOGETHER and KEEP shoving them together. By refusing to play ball, or even, giving the new relationship your blessing and defending and protecting it for her - you'll put him into Narcissistic Rage, she'll then be converted in his mind to the Narc's Rebound 'Relationship'....and they rebound VERY HEAVILY AND CONDENSEDLY, meaning, the Rebound can't help but see what lies beneath, gets rid quicker (within 6-ish mths usually), abandons new relationship forever-amen. He'll have had too much plate-spinning to do in that meantime to have had the time to set up a third potential conqubine, so he'll be threatened with, into, forced to live with THE DREADED SINGLEDOM (hiw own company and no human toilet to puke his toxins into). And you aren't interested any more and tell him to 'do one'. Narcissistic Collapse. ?