Am I jinxed?

Hello, hope all is well with you. I'm writing to you because I feel hopeless and ready to give up on everything. A little background story. I had my first job experience a year after graduating but that didn't work out as well as I wanted it to. I got depressed but then my older sister encouraged me to become a certified teacher. I did it and worked hard on my internships until I landed my first job as a teacher. I've been teaching for 5 years now but it did nothing but make my life even more miserable. I'm underpaid and I can't enjoy anything in life without worrying about money. Whenever I try to find better opportunities it feels like all doors are closed, I keep getting rejected. I became very introverted and got anxiety. I'm in my late 20s but I haven't lived, I didn't explore, I didn't travel nor did anything to remember when I'm older. I keep trying to do things in order to better my situation but nothing works out, not even lucky when it comes to relationships. I keep comparing myself to my friend, I know I shouldn't, and I feel guilty but I do feel jealous of how things work out for her without her even making the slightest effort.. She didn't get a degree but she landed an amazing job, she gets payed triple my salary and even though she's been the type to go for one night stands only and never thinks of serious relationships, every man at her job or outside that she meets get obsessed with her without her even trying (she doesn't dress well nor take care of herself in general). When I see how hard I try and nothing seems to workout I can't help but feel devastated. I'm worrying a lot about the future and I'm scared it'll get even worse. How can I deal with this? Am I doing something wrong?

Hi ATCHARATITIPON! (LOL, bit of a mouthful? I'll call you Atcha if that's alright?) "I'm writing to you because I feel hopeless and ready to give up on everything." Emphasis on FEEL. Obviously, your sensible, survivalist side is what drove you here, to ensure that you don't. (PS: Out of interest: would you still give up if you featured a Pause button that turned off your negative emotions?) "A little background story. I had my first job experience a year after graduating but that didn't work out as well as I wanted it to." That's not at all unusual, but I'm sorry to hear that. What happened? Or didn't happen? "I got depressed" Depressed or Anxious (about your future, where to go from there)? Were you diagnosed? "but then my older sister encouraged me to become a certiwfied teacher." What a good Big Sis! :) "I did it and worked hard on my internships until I landed my first job as a teacher." Well done! "I've been teaching for 5 years now but it did nothing but make my life even more miserable." OH. I'd best read ahead a bit... "I'm underpaid and I can't enjoy anything in life without worrying about money." Oh, God. Join the global club, mate. It's horrid to be financially insecure, it really eats away at you and your confidence, doesn't it. So many, many people are in your boat. (In fact, i've just been listening to LBC - Colin Brazier - about how shoplifting has shot up. (Hardly surprising when people are being squeezed too much.) "Whenever I try to find better opportunities it feels like all doors are closed, I keep getting rejected." Which country are you in? Again, this is happening all over Europe and bloody everywhere else as well, especially since Covid. Do you think you could try a specialist employment agency/consultant? Depends where you are, of course (RSvP). "I became very introverted and got anxiety." Just need to re-order your thought there: I developed Anxiety, which worsened, at which point I became very introverted. (Completely normal.) Let me straight away tell you: THAT'S OKAY. In fact, it's good. Please stop panicking, you're wasting precious energy. You're where you're supposed to be. You, like every human, have a finite amount of energy to share between body and brain (and whichever at the time functions). When you've suffered a huge disappointment - which basically is a mini-trauma - after years of looking forward to your internship and planning your future based on it - not only does your mind have to go through a grieving process (which is a HUGE mental filing, editing/amending/re-typing, and re-filing job!), but at the same time on your plate you've also "got to" think about what to do to better your financial sense of security. No you don't. Do your grieving so that your brain cylindry's performance returns to Optimum (or better and faster, given all the gym work it's just done!) and it'll come to you - POOF! - out-of-the-Blue! Your way is putting the cart before the horse, given that you don't strike me as a Fake It To Make It merchant (even IF you had full confidence at the mo). So you're having to Make It To Make It. Thing is, you'll think better and correctly if you endure for a while and allow that grieving period to take place and wash your mind clean, so to speak. Your brain knows exactly what it's doing to its host - whom, clearly, normally is a Little Miss Busy-Busy-Hyperactive (am I right?). (I must be because -) Your mind has had to *mutineer you* so that a bit of time spent on said re-filing heals your emotional and mental injuries - and in record time. I'm actually glad for you that it has mutineered you. Otherwise, you would definitely be a prime candidate for the Big One (40) - usually at The most inconvenient stage of your life. Which is NOT good; can completely and irreversibly derail one's whole past/present and future. Yours is a picnic in comparison. Think of it like a 'stitch in-time, saving nine'- So relax and cease struggling. FYI, It's the struggling that's hurting and doing the damage. Nothing is wrong here. This is Nature's way when the host won't pause for breath and do a 'taking stock'...just doesn't feel nice at the time. But "This too shall pass". You're just going through a mini life-crisis (- it's not the exclusive territory of your middle-aged, you know, you can have one every decade; in fact, doing so is usually what prevents The Biggie: MID-life crisis. ...So that's good news for you :)). Anyway, let me read on in case I get ahead of myself... "I'm in my late 20s" Late - ok. Thought so. So you're the oldest you've ever been, then...which, I'm betting, you're equating with not being young any more. Wronggggggggg. Madam, you are but a BABY. Certainly, career- and financial-security wise. You've got loads of time to start a new career. After decades of freelancing in order to sample 'everything' that interested me (TOO much!) - I didn't find the industry I wanted to stick with long-term until....(trying to remember).... 27? And I began working at late 17, so - 10 years. I certainly made up for lost time, though. Of course...because my 'legs' were by then a lot longer. "but I haven't lived, I didn't explore, I didn't travel nor did anything to remember when I'm older." Ah! There we go, then. Definitely in crisis. That statement of yours says nothing but PANIC-PANIC! It's not logical, though. After all - have you never heard of Summer holidays abroad, including cruises, or taking a career Haitus, or working your ollocks off to retire early? You've got loads of time to travel and see the world - LOADS, still! *Where - or from whom - is all this time-pressuring coming from?* Are you comparing yourself to your friends/peers or something? "I keep trying to do things in order to better my situation but nothing works out," Nothing works out BECAUSE you keep trying. As I've explained above: STOP. Take time off work, laze on the couch every day watching telly, reading, whatever...be really lazy, let that mind use up every little bit of juice. It'll process in the background...and particularly when you sleep (so nap a lot as well) (you're probably knackered already, anyway, yes?) If you can't take a week or fortnight off - be self-disciplined and go to bed earlier. An hour before Lights Out, with a good book or listening to music/radio...keeping the lighting low. "not even lucky when it comes to relationships." Course not. You're not ready. You're not qualified. Once you're happier with your day-to-day life and have it running like clockwork - THEN is when you're qualified for a relationship. (Again - cart before horse.) "I keep comparing myself to my friend," Ahhhhhhhh,...there is it. Scratch above question (sorry, I tend, deliberately, not to read ahead). "I know I shouldn't, and I feel guilty but I do feel jealous of how things work out for her without her even making the slightest effort.. She didn't get a degree but she landed an amazing job, she gets payed triple my salary and even though she's been the type to go for one night stands only and never thinks of serious relationships, every man at her job or outside that she meets get obsessed with her without her even trying (she doesn't dress well nor take care of herself in general). When I see how hard I try and nothing seems to workout I can't help but feel devastated. I'm worrying a lot about the future and I'm scared it'll get even worse. How can I deal with this? Am I doing something wrong?" Sorry, doesn't sound amazing to me. It leaves her neither the time nor energy to have a proper love-life. PS: the type of men who find a vibe of unavailability and over-independence attractive, tend to be highly (HIGHLY) narcissistic (and predatory). They LOVE to pull an outwardly successful and confident woman down a peg or 10...and, funnily enough, are the very type who are infamous for (you guessed it!) collecting notches on their bedposts (so you see how her lack of time for a personal life is working against her)? The more genuinely disinterested she is, the more they see her as a challenge. (Their type and their archaic misogyny believe she and you should be chained to the kitchen sink rather than 'stealing men's jobs and territory'.) So..yyyyeeeaaah...she's probably having a GREAT time. Not. Strange that she's not confiding about this typical career-woman pitfall to you, though? Anyway, I guess that's why you're thinking that, at least if you had a steady relationship, that would be SOMETHING to even your leagues? Forget it. Let HER make that mistake. It's not a balanced existence. And it's a psych fact that after 60k stirling/75k dollars, money no longer affects your happiness level. I think you should spend more time with older people. They can let you in on what is real and what is a cultural/governmental sales-job, and what's worth pursuing and when, v. not. Here's the truth: There is no such thing as "Having It All". It seriously is a con. You end up just DOING It All! And exhausting yourself permanently, prematurely. So. See who you are once you've given yourself that grieving holiday and what SHE wants to do. Fairenoughski? If not - can I borrow your crystal-ball after you, please? :) PS: google into which famous celebs and biz people were so-called late starters. You'll be surprised. PPS: Jesus was early 30s before he knew what he wanted/was compulsed to do. ;) Thoughts?

I honestly didn't think anyone would respond to my S.O.S so I was quite surprised to see this. I have to admit that I do panic a lot, I get pressured especially from my family, as I have mentioned before, I admit that my environment is very toxic. Ever since I was a kid I would get compared to everyone and that's why I, subconsciously, do the same thing. I do say that everyone moves at their own pace and that I'm trying my hardest and should be proud, but when things don't go according to plan and I hear hurtful comments from people who are to be supportive, it makes me feel a certain way. In other cultures late 20s is still young and deep down I do still feel young when I'm alone and not thinking about the future, I enjoy my age. However, people here see it differently! They keep commenting about how I'm not succeeding even after studying hard, not getting in relationships like other girls my age who half of them already have kids. So I started to see things in a negative way. It's like I started to believe that nothing good would ever happen to me. Or as my mother says "you'll live and die as failure" I'm not a fan of how my friend is living. And it's not exactly how I want my life to be. But as I said being compared to her (my family don't know the details of her life, they just see how successful she is) pushed me to do the same. To be honest, you said everything I needed to hear. I feel a lot better and I will try to push myself to do the things I want and live without listening to what they say. It's gonna be hard but I will do my best. I'll take this summer to reflect on a lot of things and shift my mindset. There are plenty of things and hobbies I used to enjoy when I was younger but completely ignored. I would like to go back to doing them. Maybe it'll be a good start to rediscover myself! Thank you so much for taking time to respond. I truly appreciate it 🙏🏻

Be with you tomorrow, bear with... :)

Sorry-sorry-sorry! There's only me at the moment! "I have to admit that I do panic a lot, I get pressured especially from my family, as I have mentioned before, I admit that my environment is very toxic." No, you didn't mention it as pressure, you presented it as if your sister had been doing it out of concern for you and wanting to help, not to pressure you into doing something-anything (which then proved a disappointment) (strange how other people picking your path for you never works out, eh; probably because it's their path or the one THEY would have wanted and are trying to shoehorn you into fulfilling their unfulfilled dream. How else Toxic? And no, not that I couldn't guess toxic influence were in the mix, but, you didn't mention your environment as Toxic, either. "Ever since I was a kid I would get compared to everyone and that's why I, subconsciously, do the same thing." Sure. So you've going to have to go on a diet, then, aren't you, and for sufficient time that you lose this silly habit. Or else, you're abusing yourself FOR them...they've delegated a portion onto you!...by having got you into the habit of being pinched and then pinching yourself. HARD. It's THEIR habit (literally! - they're addicted to abusing someone). Get it out (ugh, bleugh, unclean!). FACT: it's impossible for anyone to try to compare you to any other individual. That's what individual MEANS. So it's not logical. It's futile. ...Which just about sums up just about every Toxic or Narcissistic fauxlationship. "I do say that everyone moves at their own pace and that I'm trying my hardest and should be proud, but when things don't go according to plan and I hear hurtful comments from people who are to be supportive, it makes me feel a certain way." *hurtful comments from people who are (meant) to be supportive* I see the source of your confusion. Allow me to make a vital tweak: "Hurtful comments from Toxics and Narcissists - i.e. mental messed-ups/feral humans doing a convincing job of hiding it and appearing normal(-but-not-nice) who each occupy a familial role that usually involves taken-for-granted expectations to be supportive of me. THEY ARE NOT "PEOPLE". Ok? If they WERE - you'd be GETTING that support and INDEED taking it for-granted (because it's 'supposed to be' your birthright).' The family you get born into is a lottery. "In other cultures late 20s is still young and deep down I do still feel young when I'm alone and not thinking about the future, I enjoy my age. However, people here see it differently! They keep commenting about how I'm not succeeding even after studying hard, not getting in relationships like other girls my age who half of them already have kids." Maybe that's because those girls weren't systematically criticized, put-down, ....basically emotionally abused, growing-up, and therefore had empty mental in-trays (bar which Lipstick colour to wear). Yours had reams and reams of adult-sized ones...which you've all this time had to be wading through and trying to make sense of before inserting into the correct files - in the background (until now), but which obviously will make you a late starter. But as you'll be stronger-faster thanks to that overflowing in-tray, you'll be a super-fast catcher-upper and finisher. No worries. Tell them you're hard at work at the University of Life and to BUTT OUT of your business because they are NOT HELPING; in fact, they're doing the opposite. Gosh....we wonder why they're doing the opposite. Usual answer: you'd outshine them and show up their personality-defectiveness and inadequacy. Which their egos wouldn't be able to take...not off of you....their group, private toilet to rid themselves of toxins before being capable of facing "their (duped) public" whom, needing to keep impressed, couldn't possibly risk puking on THEM. They need you to STAY down there. But note how they make out that they want you to progress ("like this/that person")? Think about it: since when did encouragement consist of trying to make you feel inadequate and ruining your confidence? Who tells a race-runner that they really want them to win the race, by punching them hard in the stomach? Who tells the concert pianist to 'smash it' by breaking both their thumbs? Doesn't that prove the truth is the opposite? Isn't their claim/impression an Oxymoron? Yes - by Poxy Morons. :p "Pathological Envy/Jealousy" - go oogle on Google and you'll see that these nutjobs are jealous, competitive and resentful, even towards their own kiddies ("cuckoo!"). You'll find them. _______________________________________________________________________________________________ "So I started to see things in a negative way. It's like I started to believe that nothing good would ever happen to me. Or as my mother says "you'll live and die as failure" Do you mind the fact that right now I wish I could shoot your mother (at least)...but back when you were a baby? (...if I were a time-traveller)? "I'm not a fan of how my friend is living. And it's not exactly how I want my life to be. But as I said being compared to her (my family don't know the details of her life, they just see how successful she is) pushed me to do the same." You should just say, Trust me...if you knew what I know, you wouldn't be calling her successful nor wishing I were more like her. Or: "YAWN! Change the record already?!" You do not have to be polite to obnoxious psycho-emotional bullies. PS: do you live with your parents? _____________________ "To be honest, you said everything I needed to hear." Everything you needed to hear PHASE ONE, LOL. I ain't done yet. Why - are you?? "I feel a lot better and I will try to push myself to do the things I want and live without listening to what they say. It's gonna be hard but I will do my best." Do it on here! :) Make this your (interactive) blog! And then you can take other people (present and future lurkers/other posters with the same prob) up that path WITH you (and get Karma Kredits in your spiritual account which might well include career "leg-ups" when you most need them!). ____________________ "I'll take this summer to reflect on a lot of things and shift my mindset." Gorge on FUN and pleasing and spoiling yourself while you do it! You lack fun, it's obvious. And the freedom to do what you please. You need a big binge to fill that deficit! :) Fun is one of the antidotes to naggingly belittling sh*theads like your hammy family. Oh, and tell them life is not about competing with other individuals because there are just too many variables to make it a fair competition for either. It's about competing WITH YOURSELF. Seeing if you can do or become better and better each time...breaking your own performance record. It's called growing and self-developing. Narcs don't grow and enhance, albeit they can create the IMPRESSION by having a job that 'moves them around'...another reason to be jealous and want you to "join the miserable, Hamster-Wheel, Money Equals Prestige, cult". (Thick, mean, idiot kids in grown-up suits - they clearly know NOTHING about how life works!...but that's another functional inadequacy for these bozos, these worshippers of money and status/power and material things whose 'brilliant solution' never, ever in the history of man WORKED to make anyone happy with life and their own life both. Don't get me started...) "There are plenty of things and hobbies I used to enjoy when I was younger but completely ignored. I would like to go back to doing them. Maybe it'll be a good start to rediscover myself!" EXCELLENT INSTINCTS! ALSO...youtube all the pop songs you used to love dancing to when you were a young teenager, and bop your face off each night. That'll help put you back in touch with your more natural self. "Thank you so much for taking time to respond. I truly appreciate it 🙏🏻" You're exceedingly welcome, and, excellent manners and etiquette noted! (ANOTHER thing you've got that they don't but covet - *genuine* charm...the ability to give, thus a richer life than they will ever know....they're cripples, you see.........Oh, just - UP THEIR PSYCHOLOGICALLY DISTURBED BUMS AND ROUND THE CORNER! :p You just have to know that bullies pick on / and/or try to control and possess those who are truly unique and special as well as made for big things (but YOUR healthier version), either for their own direct gain/benefit (free passenger) or, as in your case, to avoid being shown-up by you about how in fact INADEQUATE *THEY* ARE, once you do succeed, BY KEEPING YOU DOWN!...of which, success-wise, the delayed-starting, plus the CAUSE of the delayed starting, together, are often the prime ingredients of...ta-daaa! It's tantamount to having been forced to grow up and live your life wearing weights around your ankles and wrists. Soon as they come off - suddenly you realise you're not just a 'quite fast runner', like you'd supposed. Without the weights to waste strength/energy on, you're now a human streak of lightning! See what I'm saying? Boot Camps don't feel nice and shouldn't exist BUT...they do work. They just mean you have to have a spell in emotional hospital for all the cuts and bruises. But EVEN THAT just adds to the incredible hot-house training. You come out temporarily sad and resentful but permanently RIPPED and ready to take on anything!....So it's all good. What's NOT good is that the boot camp was situated within your own FAMILY and you didn't ever sign up for it because you weren't ever given any choice. You'll be raising a glass to them at some point in the not-too-distant future. Prime example: go read "Mental". PS: Hmm....extrapolating using their own (er) logic: I wonder if, similarly, their idea of foreplay, turning each other on, is kneeing each other in the phee-phoos beforehand? Idiots. Thoughts again? PS: What about going/retraining for a job on a cruise ship or airline? Then you'd be working and earning money AND getting to see the world!