In my head or reality

Have you ever felt like you're completely detached from everything and everyone in your life, while you still do all the same things with the same people? Lately I feel like I'm so in my head (thinking about how nothing is the way it's supposed to be and that I'm doing everything wrong) that I've started to become terrible company and to subsequently push people away. I think through everything my friends are saying and focus on the worst case scenario - like they don't care or they purposefully make me feel excluded. I don't know if the problem is in my head or actually happening. The main problem are my two best friends, who seem to care a lot more about each other rather than me, at least that's how I've been seeing it lately. I guess I'm trying to figure out if I'm losing it or if this is actually true and I don't know how to start :/

Hi Trymill, Sorry to you, too, for the wait (there's only me at the mo, so please feel free to give your feelings and opinions to other OP's posts if you like? It'll be helping me out AND will give you a big shot of confidence...which you sound like you badly need.) "Have you ever felt like you're completely detached from everything and everyone in your life, while you still do all the same things with the same people?" That spells Bored. And disinterested. (Either order.) "Lately I feel like I'm so in my head (thinking about how nothing is the way it's supposed to be" Like what? Can you write me a little list ("It's like This but was supposed to be like That"), please? "and that I'm doing everything wrong)" What if the truth was, you're doing everything wrong, right? Pause on that for me, will you? "that I've started to become terrible company" How so? "and to subsequently push people away." Ditto? "I think through everything my friends are saying and focus on the worst case scenario - like they don't care or they purposefully make me feel excluded. I don't know if the problem is in my head or actually happening." I will. Tell me. All of it. "The main problem are my two best friends, who seem to care a lot more about each other rather than me, at least that's how I've been seeing it lately." Ok. Can't say I'm surprised to learn this - I could hear it in your voice right from the off, even before I hit 'doing everything wrong'. You're not imagining anything. What you're having trouble with, is understanding why they are and thereby accepting why they are. They're not telling you anything. You're picking it up in their behaviour. If you were imagining it - you wouldn't sound as you do (see how that works?) "I guess I'm trying to figure out if I'm losing it or if this is actually true and I don't know how to start :/" Start with my questions. :) And - No, you're not losing it. You're *gaining* it. GREATER AWARENESS....taking stock... realising there's a problem with the company you've been keeping. What put you to half-sleep, and when? Before - or even during - these friendships, I mean?

Also: Trymil - meet Jane. (Jane, meet Trymil.) https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13451/Feeling-like-im-being-forced-to-choose-between-friendships :)

Hey Trymil, You haven’t given us tooo much info so I can’t really help you find an answer to your problems. But I assure you, that it’s anything but an uncommon feeling. If you’re pushing people away that you love and care about, sometimes the best way to navigate it is to just say ‘Hey, I’m going through a tough time right now so it’s hard for me to be present’ people will tend to understand, and out of their concern for you they’ll be more lenient. On the other hand, if these are people you’re slowly realising that aren’t really ‘your people’ then it’s best to slowly move away. It hurts, and believe me I know since I’m going through it right now, but it’s only temporary and it’s part of life that people will come and go. Getting used to it isn’t the worst idea. Regarding your two best friends. If they’re truly your best friends then you should be able to tell them that you feel like you’re being excluded and they won’t shame you or make you feel bad about it, and will *try* to make an effort to include you more. If you don’t feel safe saying that, then ask yourself why. Are you just nervous? Or are your best friends not actually your best friends. People will never notice that they’re excluding others. Only the person getting excluded will. It’s likely that they may be unconsciously excluding you after all. You’ll either have to give us more info for our output, or you’ll have to ask. I truly hope you start to feel better soon.

Hello Trymil, I just read your thread and believe me when I say...I could so relate to everything which has been bothering you. It is a foggy feeling, a floating through each day and never touching the ground. Total disconnection from those you held nearest & dearest. Just can't seem to relate to them anymore. Suddenly seeing them more clearly. Wondering why you never noticed/realised it before. Sitting there listening to all the banter going on around you and thinking...they really don't get life do they? they are really missing the point. Like you're outside of yourself watching it play out. It is a freaky experience BUT I can reassure you with this...you've finally found yourself. Hello 'YOU'. You've been so busy trying to fit in, super busy pleasing others. You some how lost 'YOU' along the way. You don't fit in anymore because they haven't gotten to that point you've reached in life yet themselves. They're still plodding along in Trudgeville. Playing the game. You are now ahead of the game. The realisation is a scary one. I'm struggling with it also at the moment. But I want to find 'my people' I really do. So hard to let go of the familiar & enter into a period of 'void'. Soulmate is soooo right with this statement: No, you're not losing it. You're *gaining* it. GREATER AWARENESS....taking stock... realising there's a problem with the company you've been keeping. Trust me I'm going through it also right now. I've been to the darkest places in the recesses of my brain. I've cheesed off many people along the way. Never was it my intention to do so. Just part of the journey. Hang in there...I have faith 'my type of people' are still out there. That means yours are also!

(Quick interjection) Wow! I am so chuffed and proud of you two right now. Jane, I didn't know you were going to be quite THAT good!?! - and DoggyDilemma, your reply blew me away just as equally! Even more interesting to note was the fact that the combo of you two posting made them extra powerful. You've got it, both of you. AND you both easily 'get' Narcissism! (- praise dee Lawd - my prayers have been answered...finally!) Please with bells on, both of you - whether posting separately and/or partnered-up as a posting duo (we do that sometimes) - answer some more and become regulars? Those were pure class, covered every necessary angle. Could NOT find a single 'fault' with either of them - seriously. Not one. I just bloody hope Trimil is still reading. There again, if she's not, plenty of lurkers in her boat will be. As for your own threads and others - I'll get onto them tomorrow as it's 5am here, only just got back from a friend's birthday bash! I only logged in to have a quick peek at the state of the queue, but, I just had to post my thanks, appreciation and downright delight! You two have seriously just made my day. :) And PS: I'm sober. Night! (er - Morning!)

PPS: "But I want to find 'my people' I really do" Oy - what are Jane and I (and probably everyone else here) - chopped liver? ;p (Ketchup, Baby Tomato? :D)