Toxic relationship

Hi, I am in a long term toxic relationship with a women and I can't deal with the negative things she keeps throwing at me. What ever goes on with her I am the one who gets blamed. She accusses me of stuff that's not true and when she talks to me she repeats herself alot of times Constantly repeating. There is a load more too but I'll be writing this for hours if I put it down. We have a child too and that is one of the main reasons I'm staying. I do all the cooking, cleaning, trying my best to be as patient as possible with her but she never happy. Constantly giving out about other people too. I am a happy positive person and I'm been brought down and dunno what to do. I dunno what she could make up about me if I leave too. When an argument starts I try to get away out to my car for peace but she comes after me and calls me a child for walking away. She is pushing marriage on me too wondering why we are not married yet but I can't do it with way I'm been treated. The next day then she could be all nice and lovely to me after a row and apologises then same thing happens again. She is always in denial and if I say anything to her she says you didn't say that. Can't have a conversation with her. Dunno what to do. She says I'm the one who is destroying her when in actual fact she starts every single row. She also blames me for her Turning down jobs to keep me happy which is a joke because I've never once stopped her or wouldn't dream of doing so. My motto has always been what ever makes the person happy go for it.

Hi 909090, You're obviously no argument push-over if she has to keep scraping the barrel in repeating herself ("Narcissistic Circular Argument" - a favourite of your Malignant oh-so-subtle Coverts). And obviously you're her Scapegoat (human toxins toilet), to whom she Blame-Shifts and Projects (google); gets to do the Lion's Share of the house work or all of it (yup, typical). I DO put it down - for hours and hours! I'll return to this tomorrow re. what you do. Sorry, only had a brief window tonight and mainly just wanted to ask you to just bear with me a little longer (although hopefully someone else whose experienced a narc romantic Fauxlationship will dive in too). Don't worry, don't panic, there's plenty you can do. You're not powerless. You're the opposite. And that's why she's systematically tried to knock the confidence, high energy via your multi-capabilities. Your qualities and talents would make a Narc feel inferior thus ego-threatened. She has to pull you down - because she likes benefitting from said energy and capabilities - but she has to hobble you against leaving....So that you won't ever...despite you're at the end of your tether and would love nothing better if you could have guarantees over being able to do so safely, without untoward loss of anything beyond her. (Haha - wondering why you don't want to marry her, hahaha. Incredible, isn't it. Aren't they just beyond belief?)

Seriously, that made me laugh (you will too soon enough, no worries).... it's akin to someone covering their face in dog-poo before pouting up at you, going, "KISS me, Quentin, KISS me!". Er....no, thanks, luv, I'll pass. ROFL.

Hello 909090, sorry to read you're having troubles at home. Relationships are hard work. I do sympathise with your situation but I want to ask you and Soulmate something. Why do we jump straight away to using disparaging labels...eg Malignant Covert etc If a person reacts this way is it not fair to say a degree of it is 'self protection/preservation'? Has not some of her over reactions come from damage &/or past hurt? Rather than cut & run shouldn't a person love enough to stay and help her find herself again? Are we to dismiss this lady as a right off? Bolt. Like it is contagious or something. If she is mentally ill (has serious issues) then doesn't she deserve some empathy and understanding? Sorry...I'm probably out of line for saying all this but I base it off my own experience with my Mother. If you won't love her, stay, help then who will ever? Won't that add to her insecurities & depression? Aren't we all worth some bodies time, understanding, guidance, tolerance and help? Didn't 909090 love her once? What did he love? can't he dig deep and find that again. Talk calmly to her. Reason? Is she beyond help? Can this many people just be 'evil' so discard them and move on? Can a Narc or whatever not get Professional Help and be somewhat cured? There are drugs they use to change serotonin in the brain etc People aren't disposable. I'd ask 909090 why did he choose her? In my case it is my Mother. So had no choice. She was good enough to get with and make a child with. What about the child? Trust me...when Dad takes off & leaves kids to be raised by somebody 'left of centre' it is not a fair fight. You're an adult struggling to cope. Imagine the child's position and future alone dealing with Mum. Sorry all this will probably be deemed out of line or crazy talk. I just have tried to appreciate what Mum did do that was positive. Dad ran when the going got tough. Three kids were left with 'crazy lady'. Yet crazy lady did feed them, clothe them, work for money, keep a lovely (neat, tidy, perfectly clean) home over their heads. Bake cakes for their birthday. Make costumes for them. Walk town to get the colour plushie they wanted. To me if somebody is this damaged then who or what messed them up in the first place? You're going to say 'it is all chemical in the brain'. So 'love' can't conquer all?

You need to thoroughly read up on *Malignant* Narcissism. There's a difference. With Malignant Narcissism, if you act like you feel sorry for them, or try to help them, that enrages their sense of (baseless) superiority to you (and everyone), and they switch to despising you for it, and punish you for it (revenge). No, with Malignant Narcissism, 'love' doesn't exist as far as they're concerned so, no, "blah-blah-boring-bullsh*t-fairytale" can NOT conquer all. However, if they ARE helpable, they're not that high on the scale ('Benign/Classic') and, yes, CAN be encouraged to be better. So by all means try.

Are you still there, 909090?