Ex has stopped me from contacting my child for 1 year

So here goes... I am the father of a 7 year old Australian Citizen. I am also a British citizen living in England. My ex has not facilitated contact between my son and I for 11 months. I am not on my son's birth certificate because ex told me she had aborted my son and maintained this lie until he was 1.5 years old when she cracked. She then invited me into his life, asked me to get back together with her so we could raise him together and then kicked me out and tried to stop contact once again. I am 100% certain I am the father, thanks to a DNA test. Until the pandemic hit I was having semi regular contact with my son via video calls and yearly visits. As of now I have not spoken a single word to my little boy since 27th September last year (2022). His mother has raised him to believe we are not related and her current boyfriend is his father. Brainwashing. These lies are going to cause my son huge emotional hurt when he learns the truth when he is older. I cannot afford court, but I am not going to give up on being there for my son. I don't know why I'm writing this on a forum but comments welcome. I keep this a secret in my daily life so it feels good to write it. Thanks.

Hi Joe, So sorry for the wait, thanks for your patience. :) You have my full symmpathy, that you're being kept from your son. That is TOUGH. Questions: Did Covid's disruption to 'normal services' mean that the Aus Police or Courts couldn't deal with your complaint and enforce custody? What reason(s) did she give (allege) for deciding to kick you out again? (Had she met matey here, already, behind your back?) And for stopping contact? And is it a case of 'not facilitated' or actually blocked? "His mother has raised him to believe we are not related and her current boyfriend is his father. Brainwashing." YUP. Major, major Gaslighting. "These lies are going to cause my son huge emotional hurt when he learns the truth when he is older. " Well, you don't have that crystal ball, but, yes, the chances are. However, I'd have then thought the joy of meeting up with you, his real Dad, would make up for it, given the hugely positive reception that awaits him. At the same time, son will be able to put the entire jigsaw pieces together into true picture (it always happens like that, it's inevitable). I always put it like this: The victim-parent gets the short-term pain for the long-term (till death!) gain. The Malignant Narcissist, especially the Narcissistic-Sociopath (but both 'stupid and self-destruvtive in a very clever way') gets the reverse. Your son will most likely choose to come and live with you once he works it out (they always do) and as soon as he's old enough, and then slowly but steadily start to have less and less to do with her. Unless you do something about it and get one or more free consultations with firms of international solicitors who specialises in such cases? I'd have thought the Australian Embassy or UK Law Society would be able to point you in the right direction (albeit you'd have to ensure the solicitor were very au fait with "Narcissistic Divorces" and/or Custody Issues). You have the DNA test and that should be all you need to reverse her lie on his birth certificate. Once you have the official advice, you don't then need any money to lodge a custody case at whichever Family court because you can represent yourself, which costs nothing (in which case, the judge assists and guides you wherever necessary). Custody issues are pretty standard stuff after marriage (with-paper or not) to an NSpath/Covert Narc. Meantime, see if she's described below on here ((double-parentheses are mine)). HOWEVER, bear in mind that not all experts agree yet (research is still in its infancy). Prime example here: the writer, Jennifer Smith (once-victim, now honorary expert), since I last looked, seems to have changed her prior belief, that Narcissists, Narcissistic-Sociopaths/Sociopathic-Narcissists, and Psychopaths, are separate entities, and now is talking as if they're all one and the same (just to varying degrees of severity)...all basically malignant Psychopaths. I disagree strongly with this. In my own (copious) experience there ARE subtle yet very important differences, such as, different reasons and motivations behind their same/similar actions and behaviours. It's the fact they all share over-narcissistic traits (whence the confusion comes from) to a depth so overblown it's actual Personality Disorder, type Malignant (includes self-awareness, malice aforethought and beyond cruelty, into sadism). Also - importantly - not all female sociopaths promise the normal-healthy victim babies in order to hook them. Some refuse point-blank to ever have them. However, what IS inarguable, is that the child will be born to be but a tool. This will answer your natural incredulity about how any mother could lie (double-lie!) to their own child to that incredible extent (i.e. because the female NSpath is nowhere near a normal, healthy, decent, loving, empathetic, nor, thereby, maternal person...They put on a bloody convincing act, though...until they no longer feel a need to). The main difference in etiology is that an NSpath as a child was usually, sexually violated/downright abused/tortured by a trusted carer as well as the narcissistic rest, and/or their environment was unhealthy (immoral/over-tough/criminal). Tell me if you recognise her below. But tell me if not. Knowing which type is important in your case, in order to know what approaches to take, when and how: ________________________________________________________ https://www.truelovescam.com/female-sociopaths-children/ ((Extract)) In the experience of this entanglement, gender matters not at all. It’s just as dangerous, devastating and potentially ruinous whether you’ve been sucked in by a male or female narcissist aka sociopath. So…statistics say there are fewer female sociopaths than male sociopaths. But are there? Maybe. Or do they go under the radar in the stats count because we find them they ((sic - 'harder')) to spot? Is the female sociopath less likely to be recognized because, after all, aren’t all little girls made of sugar and spice? Not when they’re sociopaths. All sociopaths, male or female or any gender are identical in purpose: they want and need to make use of others for their own ends. Our well being, mental and emotional health, bank accounts, and the very highly compromised safety of our children are the fallout... ...In the escape and recovery, what we truly care about is getting away from the harm, understanding what just tore through our life, why, and how to never encounter this again – and how to keep our children safe if we’ve had them with this alternate type of human. Firstly, it’s important to accept that the female sociopath (narcissist) is driven by the wiring in her brain to do the same things a male sociopath (narcissist) does. Here are some manifestations and markers of that brain: Deliberately deceives others Tell lies even when they don’t need to Don’t realize that they could get the same result they’re after without the lie Out of context suddenly divulge some (odd) new bit of story about their life Present a sob story about their childhood or past Take a victim stance within their portrayal of their lives Let it slip by words or actions that they don’t mind that others are harmed It’s this way of thinking and behaviors that are indicators of this abnormal brain. Whether male or female, there’s no possibility of a sociopath (narcissist) making loving connections, they see the world and all things within it as a a pile of toys that belongs to them. Female Sociopaths, Male Sociopaths: All the Same Thing Here’s how female and male sociopaths are alike: All sociopaths think they’re superior beings to all other people They’re proud of not having emotions Sociopaths have flexible and genderless sexuality They mimic normal people in order to seem normal and to gain trust Sex is used as a tool or an animal release or fo rather entertainment They have lots of people they scam at one time Everything they say is a lie Everything they say is to manipulate in order to take and not be caught All sociopaths lie, steal, cheat, are violent and ruthless There is no positive emotional bonding with any human being They feel no like, love, care, concern or compassion for any living being Is This a Male or Female Sociopath Talking? Can you guess which line was uttered by which gender of sociopath? These are actual comments uttered or sent in messages and emails by various sociopaths to a person they had ensnared: You’ll never win, I can ruin you I’m not like you, I don’t care like you do I make everyone I date sick I’m not white or hispanic, I’m not any race or anything…I’m a gray skin You can’t beat me, I’ve been doing this since I was 17 That should be mine! What’s that!? We’re not using that!! We don’t need to, I can’t have kids I don’t know if you’ll even read this email… If you’d trust me, everything would be okay You don’t even know how many times I’ve brought other men/women in here You only think you love me, you don’t know me I’m not your average 22-year old Do you think we look like that couple does when people see us? I have them wrapped around my little finger I’m about to get physical, you don’t wanna see that I could make you jealous with women or men I can’t make you do what I want, but I can make you wish that you had If you knew who I really was, you wouldn’t love me so much I’m not emotional I don’t have empathy, I’ve tried to have it, but I don’t I’m done with you, you’re useless Male sociopaths use children, just as a female sociopath does, as a doorway back into their former target’s life whenever they feel a need to. Sociopaths Use Their Children for Cash Female sociopaths don’t seem to have the overwhelming desire to sprinkle the earth with their seedlings the way men do. Although there may be rare exceptions to this, the majority of female sociopaths avoid having many children. There’re only a few raw reasons a female sociopath might go through the trouble and pain of having a child aside from the normalizing mask it provides. Children are carried, born, and tolerated in order to gain alimony and child support or property rights. This is often done along with marriage, sometimes not. This makes a female sociopath parent without a conscience stick tenaciously to their biological children as a meal ticket. Having a baby or babies in lawful marriage leaves the female sociopath in a position of power to divorce and take alimony, property, and child support money that is meant to be all for herself. ((As you didn't marry her, she instead is using your son as a way to trap men so that they will support her along with 'their' kiddie.)) When the Kids Are No Longer Useful These children become less than adorable normalizing accouterment as they get older. Older children expect more, ask questions, and notice and can be outspoken about the unkept promises, mistreatment, neglect, and abuse from a sociopath parent. They suffer trauma and post-trauma, cognitive dissonance just as adults do. They too, try to fix it and to figure it out. This is dangerous and annoying to the sociopath parent. This renders the children less useful and more of a liability once they reach puberty or early teens. And there’s that magic number of age-18 often means no more paycheck. As soon as the child maintenance is no longer coming in that kid is not worth much unless the child happens to be a huge fan of the sociopath and sticks by that parent’s side. Sadly, this means the child has remained deeply ensnared. Unless a particular child is entrapped and mesmerized by the sociopath parent, mostly staying quiet about that parents lack, then ultimately the sociopath discards the kids, discredits them, smears them, and can outright demonstrate hatred for them. Another reason for dropping their kid from their life is similar to how they handle adult prey; their interest wanes when the emotionally malignant parent is simply bored. Think it sounds impossible? Read here – the clear and words of a self-proclaimed female sociopath about children: I find… children to be completely intolerable. It can be very difficult dealing with… children because they behave so selfishly and unreasonably. If it were just up to me, no problem, I could just ignore or terrorize them. ~ Words of a Female Sociopath" ________________________________________________________

PS: You try imaginging being that bloke, the day he finds out that your son is NOT his. Woah. The GOOD news in the meantime, is, he's her Victim - nice, normal, empathetic, like you. And he must like kids. Phew. And don't worry, he WILL be doing most of the parenting and raising from now on, not her, she'll just increasingly delegate (phew-phew-phew!). Trust me - Fate's done you a favour, got you a decent 'childminder' to keep your kiddie clear and confident in the meantime. Hurrah! But, god, you've got to feel sorry for him, though. He'll undoubtedly get worse than you did, as well. (Ask and I'll explain.)

If you were my friend I would tell you to live your life knowing that you could have a son. The thoughts, feelings, and dreams will give you LIFE. The belief you create will give you a lot of balance in life too as your energy will always be connected to something wonderful. (leaving less room for things that don't matter that could bother you) I would write down all of the facts so that you don't forget them and put them in a beautiful box. Whenever you have something you wish you could share with him, something you would want him in....put it in the box. One day he might come to you wondering if you have thought about him, missed him. You will have proof. You will have a collection of all of the things you wish to share with him. He will be very curious about you, so you might want to create another box, or set of journals that help him understand you. You want to include things like... Definitions, ancestors report (incuding health information is helpful) reflections of art, music, film, books, arcitecture, travel, biography pages, recipies, how to DIY, lists of your favorite this and thats, keys to success, the best experiences of your life, life lessons,.... there's no wrong way to do this. WHATEVER MAKES YOU FEEL ALIVE. Whatever pieces of puzzle that are on your path that he might appreciate. The thing to be careful here is that you EXPRESS WHAT IS IN YOUR HEART. You don't have to push yourself and I think that it is important that you don't focus on it tooooo much because you might grow a sense of longing and then feel pain. Or he might end up not being yours. But if you think of him, guide your thoughts to a positive place and be creative. You might have another child in the future and you could be prepared with a mini manual, having collected reflections you want to share. Experiences create life. Have wonderful ones yourself and semi prepare for what could be in the future. Try to be a positive person to his mother so that she knows that the door is always open, be peaceful and she will naturally trust you. Your only focus is for the boy to grow up healthy and peacefully. Nothing else matters. Life changes in an instant, you don't know what will happen, but if you stay true....you will be ready for anything. -Also, I might see if a law student will help you out, or legal aid. You do need to get the DNA test done. And if the mother is unfit to raise him... maybe you should be sharing custody so that you can raise them both sort of speak.