Do I tell

I've been with my husband for 12 years, about 20 years ago i had a one night stand with a friends cousin not an issue we would only see him occasionally if we were invited to friends house. but recently my husband has got friends with the cousin and invited him round for drinks. do i tell him about the one night stand. thanks

Hello AdviceNeeded, far be it for me to give advice to a person who has been married for 12 years. Kudos for that! My own marriage lasted less than three years but in total we were together for about 8 years. So I pondered your dilemma for awhile. This is just my outlook but here goes... honesty is the only policy. Even though it is a big risk bringing this sticky topic up. It was far in the past BUT... Trust in a relationship is the ONLY thing which will keep you truly bonded forever. Without 'trust' to me people are only 'playing' at being in Love. If you're always truthful (those little white lies aside such as 'does my butt look big in this') about the big issues then your partner can rely upon you. Honesty binds you together. If you're open with each other and know ALL the facts then nothing can easily tear something that strong apart. If it severs then I think there would be other underlying issues to be resolved. Awkward as heck though to be in the same room as a past lover with your present special somebody and they haven't a clue. Sort of makes a fool out of your partner. Knowledge is power. Nobody likes feeling deceived. I would not want to tell only because I don't want to hurt the person I love or make them feel insecure. It is very hard because if you are going really well and happy at the moment then you won't want to rock the boat nor risk a big row or potential break up. I would want to know. Communication is key. The other party might say something (even as a joke) and then Partner might feel betrayed or insecure. I wish you all the best.

Hang on a minute. Did I just read that correctly? I'm super tired so my comprehension is a bit off. You said 'not an issue we would only see him occasionally'. Oh Gosh that changes everything. Have you sat withholding and not releasing the truth for a long time? You've both been in the friends cousins company together (you and your partner) and you haven't addressed it until now? You've never opened the X Files? You haven't felt the need to come clean before? Yikes.