Do I leave based on a "weird" feelin/doubts about me and my partner?

I'm into a 2.5 year relationship and recently I started to question the "health" and future of the relationship. There were issues dealing with my partner's unawareness of his actions and how those actions made me feel (seemed like he is selfish). The part that has me most concerned is about my grown daughter. Since I'm a widow, she is very opinionated and protective over me. She has been clear that I should steer clear of anyone "overtaking me" and instead, should have a companion. Now before you say "it's my life not hers"....I am very independent and refuse to be controlled by another, including my daughter or any romantic partner. Yes I think a "companion" at this point in my life is sufficient which gives me more freedom than living with someone but, part of me isn't sure. I really loved being married to my late husband for almost 30 years and in a perfect world, would be very lucky to get that again but I'm realistic. My boyfriend is pleading for me to stay. He thinks that his "selfish" behavior is in response to being "shut out" by me sometimes (i.e. no pics of him and I in my home but still have pics of my late husband everywhere - he said he understands having pics of him but expected to see pics of us too; I didn't invite him to certain trips I had visited alone with both of my adult kids out of state but he says he understands but hopes that will change; he was "hurt" when he and I visited my daughter and son and in law because he said he was left out of certain discussions, etc. and he was not welcome to a funeral of a very close family friend - I didn't think having him there was a good idea because my kids were grieving and I know my daughter doesn't feel comfortable with him and he didn't even know the deceased). He "blames" all of the above on "issues he thinks I have with moving on" rather than on his behavior. He is aware my kids come first no matter what especially since I am a single parent (he is divorced and his kids have both parents). Perhaps it's because I'm independent or maybe even I am having issues with "moving on" after 12 years of losing my husband, but shouldn't he respect my boundaries and take responsibilities for his own actions. He wants to see me tomorrow (we haven't been together for several weeks per my request for a break - he complained about that saying he was left alone in silence not knowing what I was thinking, etc.). When I told him I thought he was egocentric too often he went into a long winded conversation about how much he's done for me even when he wasn't happy necessarily doing it because "he loves me". I do miss his company but just want peace and no aggravation at this point in my life. He says he just wants to be part of my life - and not living together if that doesn't work for me. What do I do?

Hello Chances400 and Welcome to Peoples Problems. I'm known as DD here (no not drunk & disorderly which I just realised it could be taken as) but rather Doggydilemma. I'm trying out my new big girl pants as official meet and greet guide whilst you wait to be given the awesome advice that flows freely from SM or Soulmate. You may have a little wait for SM services as their in high demand. Truth be told there is a lull in respondents at the moment unfortunately. So for now you're stuck with me LOL The first thing I wish to say is I am so sorry to read that you lost your husband of 30 years. Kudos to you both for a relationship that went the distance and a love that is forever lasting. Hard act to follow. The second thing I'll say is trust me I know & understand all about adult daughters who have your best interests at heart whilst being a little OTT (over the top) with their opinions/feelings. I have one of those too. I agree a 'companion' seems the safer option at this point in your life. I can relate to that comment also as I've often considered this prospect myself many times. A mate of my Brothers I've known since I was 12 years old. Anyway, this isn't about me it is all about you so back on track DD. Yes you'll have more freedom and independence going the way of not living with someone but that can come across as little cold, dismissive, suspicious, mistrustful and guarded. All of these aspects might put your partners nose out of joint. Also, obviously things would be way less intimate than a live in Partner. Not just the romantic stuff but having that person there when you see something on the television and just want to make an opinion/comment and get a response. Most people need that type of relationship in my experience. Myself I acquired a beautiful dog when I found myself lonely post husband shot through and a busy live in adult daughter who comes and goes doing her thing. Hence doggydilemma being my handle. Adore the dog she's a great listener but not much of a conversationalist. So I'm hearing you. I get where you're coming from. Of heck I take issue with this comment you wrote: he feels shut out and annoyed you still have pics of your late husband everywhere. So you should still have pics of him everywhere and there is nothing wrong with that. I'm more a forever than a only until death us do part type. But, perhaps you could also add a few pics of partner? Hmmm...thinking.... Chances400 why haven't you? I'm curious. You sound very unsure. Hope this observation doesn't offend. Hang in there. I'll return soon. Issue I must attend to.

Sorry, I'm back. So you referred to this male in your life as 'selfish'. The first thing that pops into my head to say is that 'selfish' has become the next Pandemic. Disappoints me to say that it seems to have become the next 'it thing to be'. Fast taking over the World. I'm wondering what it is exactly that your Partner (he/she/they/them) sorry I'm hopeless at remembering to be mindful and use the preferred pronouns these days. I mean no offence to anybody I'm just old and stupid. I'm wondering does he constantly put his own needs, wants, desires before yours? Is he dismissive when you have an opinion? Have you found him to be untrustworthy? Has he changed since you first met him in a big way? Like that romantic stage is over and now he's showing his true colours. Do you feel you don't really mesh with him? Not on the same page. Not a real connection. Is he all about what he'll gain from living with you? Does he show that he actually cares about others needs such as your daughters? YIKES I read daughter doesn't feel comfortable with him! WARNING BELL RINGING!

Apologies...I just re read and you said it was a 2.5 year relationship. Sorry I'm a bit tired and over looked this fact. Intuition should NEVER be ignored. Sounds to me like your concerned enough to be putting the breaks on fearful of careening into a wall. Your worried enough to be writing on this forum page. Vibes should NEVER be ignored. Do you feel ill at ease or not relaxed when he's around? I had that feeling about my Stepfather to be honest a couple of years in. Everybody told me I was being a 'bitch'. I've noticed many little things over the years that made my senses tingle. Sounds silly but I'll give you an example: Often when myself and my daughter would visit Stepfather & Mum we'd all order Pizza Delivery together. I didn't have the correct change to cover my share. I gave him a $50Aud note. The pizzas for everybody (4 adults sharing) only came to $40Aud. He pocketed my change and when I asked for it (I was a young single Mum at the time) he said 'never mind that eat the pizza before it goes cold'. Mum was out of the room. This exact scenario repeated another time. I realised it wasn't a one-off. I told my Sister. When she visited she tried it out on purpose. They ordered pizza she gave him a $100aud and he didn't give her any change nor any reason why. She chose not to make an issue of it. Telling me oh well it is just money. Because she is wealthy. I saw him do deceitful things to my Mum. I heard him lie often! When I'd bring it up to other family members I got told 'I'm being jealous that my Mother has a man in her life'. These relatives never spend the blocks of time with him that I have. They are clueless. I've let so very many things go over the years. Now I TRULY regret it! Is it your gut telling telling you something or are you just afraid and overthinking it? Sorry to go on so but I want you to really think about why you have the feelings/concerns you do about your Partner/Companion. I'm hearing my dearly departed and greatly beloved Grandmother in my head. She was a kind, caring, wise lady. 'IF IN DOUBT DON'T!'.

(Nope, DD, you don't need me! You've got this. :))

Thanks for all of your thoughts. It's a tough one...thought I wanted a partner and ultimately live together but after being on my own for 12 years, that's not my comfort level any more.