Does it have a future
SADGIRL4748 - Oct 25 2023 at 07:09
Hi
I have been dating a guy for 7/8 months. At the begging I told him I want to develop a strong friendship and then we will see how it will go. He agreed. He never had interest to see me , I all the time had to beg him to meet me. He stated he doesn’t have anyone else his just meeting his friends on his free time.
One day I had enough and said him if he wants smth with me we need to meet each other more, of course if he has interest to do so and if he likes me. He agreed. However after then every two to three weeks he started to message me that his not good enough for me and I deserve more. I said that’s not true and asked where he gets those thoughts. He said that sometimes he is not sure if we have a future today. I explained every time if he likes me there’s nothing what can stop us , we always can find a solution. After telling that he always calmed down and everything is ok till one day he messages me the same thing again.
It’s worth to mention that he barely asks to meet, when we meet we do it once in two or three weeks even so he has spare time from work but rarly he finds time for me. Also when I messaged him to say that I spoke about him to my friend he laughter and said he never speaks about me to his friends. Finally, when I asked when he plans to start to mention me to his friends and family as we already know each other for around 7/8 months he said he doesn’t know but he definitely doesn’t plan to do it soon as Christmas is coming around and he doesn’t want to rush everything during the Christmas time.
Sometimes I feel like I’m just a thing for him. I like him but I start to feel I’m wasting my time with him.
Is that true? Any ideas what can I do? I want to have a future but is it worth my time with him?
Ps during the days we only message each other he doesn’t like that I call him .
Hi, SadGirl4748 - and welcome!
Apologies for the delay in response, however, please be aware that you're 100% welcome, as with any forum, to help yourself in chatting to other Original Posters (OPs/thread-owners) on their threads - or, better yet, giving your opinion whereever you can relate to their own problam (or even imagine being in their boat).
Meanwhile, I'm duplicating this message to all whom likewise are still waiting, that they are perfectly free to do so on yours.
:)
Soulmate
Moderator-Advisor
FYI, I'll be posting late tonight and most of tomorrow. Please can you give me a little reply so I know you haven't 'abandoned queue'?
Well, look, just quickly...
"I have been dating a guy for 7/8 months. At the begging I told him I want to develop a strong friendship and then we will see how it will go. He agreed. He never had interest to see me , I all the time had to beg him to meet me. He stated he doesn’t have anyone else his just meeting his friends on his free time. "
He lied. He had an interest in NOT going slow. Hence, you see that then borne out in his actions - or rather, 'strange' lack of.
And then he lied again.
And then tried emotional manipulation in a narcisisstic/player style: "his not good enough for me and I deserve more."
If you won't rush/sleep with me then you're telling me I'm not good enough for you.
(That's your exclusive decision, anyway, not his...although why bother pointing out what healthy blokes instinctively know, considering this one clearly isn't. But just reminding you of what's normal, equals, what's abnormal.)
No, he's NOT good enough for you.
He's working on other women as we speak. And Christmas is always Bumper Prey Time on your dating websites and apps. That's why. However, he doesn't want you to go TOO far away, hence isn't doing the natural, only decent thing of letting you go so AS to find your Mr Right-and-Healthy. No, no. His Christmas Period forays might not yield any satisfying results. So he's keeping you- not even 'WARM' but, 'INSULTED and PERPLEXED-aka-Intrigued-on-the-side'.
"Sometimes I feel like I’m just a thing for him."
Correct. Actions/Lack Of Speak Louder.
"I like him but I start to feel I’m wasting my time with him."
What's to like, now that you know.
Yes, you are.
"Is that true? Any ideas what can I do?"
Yup. And Yup: run! Be thankful that you have dodged a bullet using one of the most effective anti-Narc/narcissistic shields known to science: YOUR INTELLIGENCE AND MORALS.
Wonderful.
I know it doesn't feel like it now. But, give it time...it soon will.
(Phew! You didn't want to get involved with a Narc. Somebody up there clearly likes you.)
And finally:
" I want to have a future but is it worth my time with him?"
As above (timesed 100).
"Ps during the days we only message each other he doesn’t like that I call him .""
You call HIM. Yet another symptom of what you're dealing with.
He's trying to get you invested into hooked. Hearing his voice is more effective in that regard. And because you're the one who's 'deposited' an action into HIS Love Bank - you now have Savings that you and every other Normal-Healthy human isn't programmed to want to abandon.
What price getting to dodge a bullet? You've got off very lightly. That deserves to be celebrated! Well done you!
A healthy, normal bloke, particularly one who'd experienced being hurt in the past, especially due to being rushed like this creep's tryig - would be thrilled to have a woman of morals and integrity such as yourself.
Just keep swiii-mming, just keep swii-mming.... He's out there. It's just a number's game. (Or it is if you do it over the ether. A potentiall dangerous one as well.....don't get me started.)
Ugh...just imagine the STDs you could catch from this shallow sl*t...bleugh....all the women you'd be vicariously having sex with...UGH.
Here - tell him to meet you this Saturday at X place, X time or to forget it altogether. AND THEN DON'T TURN UP. (And block-block-block, of course.) That'd learn 'im....although it probably wouldn't (because he's highly shallow and immature and/or not right in the head). But it would be a harmless way for you to get your bank deposit back. Up to you entirely. Or just text him an UGH and block. Have fun with it.