Trauma/past relationship is getting in the way of my new future

From sixteen to eighteen I was in an awful “relationship” with what we call in my country a loverboy. Usually a loverboy manipulates you into falling in love with him first, then pushes you into prostituting yourself; you could call him a pimp, I guess. It was a really dark time I don’t want to go into too much detail about, but it scarred me. There was the prostitution obviously, there was a lot of physical and emotional abuse between him and me as well that I think about a lot, even now that it’s over and years in the past. I have been trying to get better, do better, heal.. Every step forward I take, however, I seem to be pushed back again by my past (and him specifically). I am working on getting a degree (which I am able to thanks to my parents support of me despite me ruining a good two years of their lives too), live on my own (again, thanks to my parents), I have a few hobbies and have recently gotten into the dating scene through a friend. I met a guy recently on a dating app who seems really genuine and solid. We’ve been talking for hours on end, went on a couple of dates and he has made it clear to me that he would like to be boyfriend and girlfriend. As I mentioned this guy is perfect for me–my parents even agree which I was afraid of–but something (something very obvious of course) is holding me back. I see it as a noose literally physically restraining me from actually starting a new life, this new future I have been dreaming of for so long. It just won't work. How do I trust this guy? He could be like my ex, he could be worse. He could beat me too if I happen to overstep. Then there's the fact that I'm probably not his dream girl at all, this guy only knows half of me. I will never be able to tell this guy what I went through because he will be disgusted with me, even though it’s not who I am anymore, maybe not even who I really was. He’ll never look at me the same way, and I’ll lose him. But I can’t lie to him either, I don’t want to “trick” him into being with me when he doesn’t even really know me. It just all feels so unfair. My ex is living a good life now, no one really knows what he put me through and no one would believe me since he had no need to prostitute me (his parents were/are well-off, he always got everything he wanted, so why would he need to push me into doing such things?). He gets to live a normal life, has a solid relationship with some girl who doesn’t know anything about him except what he’s turned himself into, and has a nice job. He probably loves hearing about what I’ve become: a pathetic puddle of a girl woman who can’t mentally move past eighteen. It all feels hopeless, you know? The past can’t ever be the past and sometimes I feel like I’d be better off not existing anymore. Less burden for my parents, he doesn’t have to ever face any consequences for what he did, and the guy I met can move on and find a decent girlfriend. I don’t even know.

Hi, OffPuttingGirl (haha, I doubt that, but allow me to be the judge) - and welcome! Apologies for the delay in response, however, please be aware that you're 100% welcome, as with any forum, to help yourself in chatting to other Original Posters (OPs/thread-owners) on their threads - or, better yet, giving your opinion whereever you can relate to their own problem (or even imagine being in their boat). Meanwhile, I'm duplicating this message to all whom likewise are still waiting, that they are perfectly free to do so on yours. :) Soulmate Moderator-Advisor

FYI, I'll be posting late tonight and most of tomorrow. Please can you give me a little reply so I know you haven't 'abandoned queue'?

Hi there, thank you for letting me know.. and no, haven't abandoned queue. Thanks for your time x

Your past does not define you, however, it can attempt to hold you back in many different ways. It’s time to shed that part of your life and move forward from it. This was no man. This was a blood sucking monster. It’s time to end that episode of your life. You cant be on “rerun” forever... How will you know what the next episode of life will be like? I‘m sure your parents are dying to know what happens next for you! They love you so much! Until you’ve healed from this, date safely and freely. This isn’t something that needs to be told to just anyone. Definitely not someone you’re casually dating. This is something that is meant for the one you plan to marry and that man will love you no matter what you’ve gone through. So, don’t stress about telling this new guy. But let that scary episode end. You are worth more than a rerun of a trauma. It’s time to learn new things about yourself and flourish into the life you deserve. You will win in the end!! Monsters never win. xoxo

SwayingLily is completely correct (nice one!) - they never have yet, not in the entire history of mankind (or apekind, for that matter) (doesn't stop the barstools from forever, relentlessly trying, though...I say, trying, but it's their kaput wiring...think Out-Of-Order, biological/fleshy robot (out for blood, of course) that either knows not what and why it does, or does and gets a huge thrill and ego-boost out of it...or anywhere in between). However, you're obviously not yet at the post-Narc Healing Path's chequered flag (as leads seamlessly into Recovery Path then Thriving Path). And, therefore, you're still triggerable. So let's have a not-so-little look and expound to what SwayingLily knows and is nutshelling. (I don't read ahead, just your name and thread title)... "From sixteen to eighteen I was in an awful “relationship” with what we call in my country a loverboy. Usually a loverboy manipulates you into falling in love with him first, then pushes you into prostituting yourself; you could call him a pimp, I guess. It was a really dark time I don’t want to go into too much detail about, but it scarred me. There was the prostitution obviously, there was a lot of physical and emotional abuse between him and me as well that I think about a lot, even now that it’s over and years in the past. I have been trying to get better, do better, heal.." If he prostituted you, then, no matter what he pretended to be at first - PIMP, IT IS. Or independent Sex-Slaver? Question: what if you went into detail, coped - with your hand meanwhile held - with the 're-living it' aspect, and that meant the next time, you'd have less emotional disturbance, and repeat? After all, you must have had a friend, before, whom went on and on about the lead-up to the break-up with even a normal, actual boyfriend? You're SUPPOSED to go on and on about (C)PTSD, but AS you simultaneously learn properly - VIA said repetition (which is how we beans learn) - what and why and how happened to you (because he's an invisible nutter, basically...but why and how, etc.), as well as all the unknown-to-you, most effective coping aids? You need to bore yourself silly, basically. YOU need to be the one to say, "Aww, not that again...I'm bored of talking about him/it, anyway, can't we talk about something else?". THAT...is when you're healed and over it. So I take it this - your still, today, dread of examining it all - means you had no-one to help you become bored of it at the time? Or no-one who understood? Why was that? "Every step forward I take, however, I seem to be pushed back again by my past (and him specifically)." Describe, please? "I am working on getting a degree (which I am able to thanks to my parents support of me despite me ruining a good two years of their lives too)," Tsk. Don't be daft. Parents-to-be sign-up for that kind of tough time. Kids are hard, hard work. It's not a chore, however, it's a privilege. I speak as a parent. At least - I HOPE you're just being silly? A degree? With CPTSD? Woah. How many brains have you GOT in there?? Or is it your distraction aid? Trouble is, if it is -.... it's not really (cough-forum) working, is it (cough-forum). Shall we smite and exile it to, "Did that actually happen, because, it feels like a dream that happened to someone else, now" City? Shall we also turn that giant Lemon into a fantastic Lemonade De Luxe (like it's supposed to be - IF you sift through that baggage to know what to throw and what to keep)? Make it WORK for you, instead of hampering by your having to constantly be something you have to avoid looking at or going near? (...or, next, you'll be telling me you keep a live and free-range Spider collection in your knicker drawer, just for thrills! ;D) Listen, Little Miss Degree Under-Fire: if you can manage that, you can certainly throw acid on this ghoul that rattles around in your head. Probably better to get it out of the way BEFORE you get too stuck into your studies. You don't want it escaping all-of-a-sudden, without warning, one inconvenient day - say, during your exams, right? It really isn't Rocket Science. Just FEELS daunting. Because that kind of trauma shouldn't exist, being a product of moral insanity, i.e. a mal-programmed would-have-been "human" thing/robot/evil a-hole/all of the above. "live on my own (again, thanks to my parents)," Normal, but - Good. :) "I have a few hobbies and have recently gotten into the dating scene through a friend." NO. Just No. "I met a guy recently on a dating app" Dating apps and websites....known playground for NPDs and Psychos, more than Normals....too risky.... stick to introductions by trusted friends with their trusted friends. But even then - NO. Just No. Or put him on ice? "who seems really genuine and solid." Yeah-yeah. They all present as genuine and solid. BUT...what they do that normal-healthy blokes don't, is: 1. "(We’ve been) talking for hours on end," 2. "went on a couple of dates and he has made it clear to me that he would like to be boyfriend and girlfriend." Too much - too soon! (Pt 2: normal bloke would make it clear toy ou that he would like a THIRD DATE, PLEASE. End Of. He doesn't want to rush into anything because (wait for it, waaaiiit for iiiit) HE DOESN'T WANT TO GET HURT, OR HURT AGAIN, EITHER. You SHOULDN'T feel he's really genuine and solid after only 2 bleedin dates and phonecalls during which he could say bloody anything he liked because you don't yet have enough experience of him to know whether it even SOUNDS like him. Why is he foie-gras-ing you like that anyway. Can't he let you discover him for yourself - and vice versa? After all, what does HIS opinion of him, matter? Or yours of you, for that matter? Do the pair of you want to DO it or just talk about it? Well, anyway... ****Red Flag, Red Flag! - Potential Love-Bombing Alert!**** I say potential, only because of your young ages. Although - you don't say how old HE is so - yours and his ages please? "As I mentioned this guy is perfect for me–my parents even agree" How do THEY know any more than you do? (Good God - have they learnt nothing?!) Question: did either of your parents ever once warn you, growing up, that monsters were real, but in boring human suits? Or did either one of you teach you to see good in absolutely everyone (underneath it all) (including the blood-soaked knife)? "which I was afraid of–" You were afraid your parents would agree? Huh? Explain why? "but something (something very obvious of course) is holding me back." YEAH. WHIFFS AND SHADES OF THE LAST ONE. IT'S HOW IT WORKS. A BIT TOO SUBTLE TO FEEL STRONGLY ENOUGH OR ARTICULATE. BUT WHICH RECOGNITION IS TRYING TO COME "UP" FROM INSIDE THE TAPED-UP MOUTH OF YOUR INNER ANIMAL, "BELOW", WHOM YOU WON'T LET TAKE YOU THROUGH THE EVENTS BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU CAN IGNORE IT ALL BETTER. Nope. Because you're not the human anomaly. The only thing in this universe that doesn't decompose after you bury it, is pain. And if it's NARC pain - you're now dealing with La-La Land laws, which is, spun 180 degrees/back-to-front/Opposites Day : it does THE OPPOSITE to decompose - it GROWS....and this "ignore-it-ignore-it and it'll go away" is the very childish - or (since you don't sound that), shall we say, First Grab...or even Mac coping mechanism as cam eventually lead to you developing Narcissism. And won't that be nice (puke). NPD is HIGHLY infectious, same as Covid, just a psych version. Breathe the same air for long enough and - bam! The very LAST thing you want is to keep those memories - all the not-yet-understood and disempowered bit - locked inside you, going round and round forevermore with no resting/processing place, i.e. no file or filing-cabinet that wants to let it in (because it's not sane information; it needs to fashion itself a SPECIFIC, NARC file and cabinet (quarantined from the rest)). But it can't do that until you unpack all the emotional data sheets, spread them on the floor, get them into coherent, non-threatening order, shove them in the cabinet, lock the bloody thing and NOW throw away the key (because you KNOW what's in there and why...see how it works? For every physical/tangible entity in this world there's a psychological equivalent - hence why it's a fact that you have a 'filing' cabinet in your head for Whitney Houston and every other individual pop-star or person you've ever met. You'd think their file would go into one general drawer called People I Know and Celebrities I Sort-Of Know, but, nope. Whitney is taking up a whole cabinet to herself. And so, at the mo., is the monster. Whitney, however, doesn't make you ill. Diff/all the diff. Okay? So - what....Are you in a hurry, is that why you're grabbing for the MacSolution of hiding your baggage (this cabinet-load of sheets) under your bed rather than unpacking and examining it? It's your inner animal who needs to understand, but it can't do that IF YOU WON'T RE-READ THEM. Okay? Read that bit again. And then understand why you're attracted to this man who's ALREADY behaving according to the characteristic early warning signs. ...Another One....even if milder than the last...or worse but just better at hiding it. You might even have just attracted a Covert after your Overt; understand that Covert means, so subtle and missable, even the victim doesn't know or cannot say why - or even where! - they hurt. Coverts are insideous and closer to psychos in this deeply-deeply covert 'skill' (over-use, more like)). If by some miracle the warning-signs are pretenders, then, the outcome is the same because it just means YOU'RE not fit for a relationship (but because you're not healed, not because you're permanently, lifelong crippled and pretending not to be - diff all the diff, again). "I see it as a noose literally physically restraining me from actually starting a new life, this new future I have been dreaming of for so long." Sorry - see WHAT as a noose? Getting into a relationship - getting into one with him, specifically - the fact your parents agree? Or the fact you're still carrying that massive hold-all full of A4 sheets (WHICH could cripple you, just saying). "It just won't work. How do I trust this guy?" By not needing to. TA-DAA. Forgive me, but, I'm going to tell you precisely how, tomorrow, now. I've just noticed the time and it's half-past Five! And I've got to be up on-time tomorrow. So I'll lcontinue for another 5 mins and then carry on from there. "He could be like my ex, he could be worse." Phew - good! (Again - sorry - I deliberately don't read ahead, most times.) I thought you were being a bit dappy before I read that. PHUH-YEW! You're definitely off the Matrix, then. "He could beat me too if I happen to overstep." Not if you have a Constant the entire way...a secret weapon. Yupferit? I am if you are. I know little tricks for winkling out previews...knocking their little masky-waskies of sanity off just enough to get a really good flash of what lies beneath. The sort that a normal-healthy bloke WOULDN'T EVEN NOTICE, or certainly wouldn't see a problem with. So you can't injure a healthy. But you can whip off the curtain (if he's indeed a Wizard of Oz type). "Then there's the fact that I'm probably not his dream girl at all, this guy only knows half of me." Not even that, missis. You are NOT that non-complex. It'd take 2-5 years to even know you enough to START to know one wanted to be with you, but even that certainly wouldn't be enough to know it were sensible to. Unfortunately, you can learn only so much by peering into the box, let alone to avoid getting INTO the box. It wasn't your fault you ended up with Pimp Features. (Can we nickname him Pimple? Or Scarlet Pimple Hell?) Even respected therapists and psychiatrists end up with them - and having kids with them(!). It's never about being clever enough, not to get CAUGHT by The Child Catcher (google). ANYONE can get caught. Well,...anyone super-nice and super-strong like an Empath, that is, especially as we tend to be The Rescuers of this world... ("I can saaave the cute little bunny-aaaargh, it's got 10-foot teeth all-of-a-sudden!") (and it's not just women - men Empath Rescuers do it too). By getting caught, you're simply proving that YOU WORK RIGHT, according to your intrinsically healthy programme (the strong are SUPPOSED to look after and help the weak, INNIT)..anyway, I digress.. "I will never be able to tell this guy what I went through because he will be disgusted with me," You mean he specifically will? Or any bloke? A healthy bloke wouldn't. What's yer point? What you mean is, you have an in-built super-weapon called: LET ME TELL YOU THIS TRUE STORY AND SEE IF YOU AUTOMATICALLY ELIMINATE YOURSELF FROM MY POTENTIAL SUITER LIST! Which reminds me: why at your age/stage aren't you dating around (to-programme) if you're going to be dating at all? Is this all basically - Will this guy be a soothing bandage or another shackle? Truth is - he shouldn't be EITHER. That's not why we date (to find a relationship). So why do you want to date seriously rather than enjoy your youth now? "even though it’s not who I am anymore, maybe not even who I really was." Well, those are the opening lines of your speech before launching in, then. Simples! And what do you MEAN, not who YOU are? Sorry - what did you do? YOU SEE? You don't even know this indisputable psychological fact: Slaves don't have equal say or equal anything. Slaves are powerless to change what the Master is predisposed to do to ANY slave (even Jesus himself if he were to land in their neighbourhood!). The point of being a Slave is that you have no choice. If you have no say then you are not an equal partner. If you're not an equal parter - worse- a slave - then you cannot take the normal 50% share of the blame or responsibility because YOU NEVER HAD ANY. The buck stops 100& with them, the Dominators. The nicer and more special/different/charasmatic/GENEROUS/self-sacrificial, all-round fine specimen you are, the more tasty you are to a Narc. It's the most massive, perverse, most (at first) unwelcome, compliment in the world because it means, not only weren't/aren't you "gorgeous" enough. You're almost TOO gorgeous. And Narcs are nothing if not looking for someone who makes them hate them for being such a fine specimen compared to their permanent (secret) cripple, so that they can enjoy catharcising (for all of 5 minutes) by taking it out on you and leaving you stripped of all that once made you almost-too-gorgeous. Plus, they get to sh*g you. Maybe get you funding their life. Stealing your friends...and your personality along with your You-isms and unique ideas/sayings....just anything you've got that they can take from you. They're allowed....because the world owes them. (Yup - call Matron and tell her to bring her hypodermic.) "He’ll never look at me the same way, and I’ll lose him. But I can’t lie to him either, I don’t want to “trick” him into being with me when he doesn’t even really know me." Good grief. There is so much you haven't had a chance to learn and which you're leaving to assumption or imagination, that I'm really going to have to pause now and continue tomorrow. This is not something for rushing. Don't go anywhere, you really do need someone to yank those wrong-coloured, upside-down glasses off your face for you - asap. Back on tomorrow...not sure when, will try for morning, though. Night! ****************************************************************************************************************************** It just all feels so unfair. My ex is living a good life now, no one really knows what he put me through and no one would believe me since he had no need to prostitute me (his parents were/are well-off, he always got everything he wanted, so why would he need to push me into doing such things?). He gets to live a normal life, has a solid relationship with some girl who doesn’t know anything about him except what he’s turned himself into, and has a nice job. He probably loves hearing about what I’ve become: a pathetic puddle of a girl woman who can’t mentally move past eighteen. It all feels hopeless, you know? The past can’t ever be the past and sometimes I feel like I’d be better off not existing anymore. Less burden for my parents, he doesn’t have to ever face any consequences for what he did, and the guy I met can move on and find a decent girlfriend. I don’t even know."

Back again! So on to the remainder... "It just all feels so unfair. My ex is living a good life now," That's not psychologically possible for NPDs. They're pathologically incapable of being content with ANYTHING for longer than "5 minutes". Nothing is ever enough (because unlike us, their wiring for it is ucked, plus they have a hole in their ego, meaning they're never satisifed nor satisfiable. If they can KID themselves they are (for a while), they manage to be satisifed for a while. But their life is boring as uck without said missing wiring as gives a human satsifaction and attachment to other people, and other people ARE life. They just PRETEND (their whole life) that they're happy, successful, in-love, all the things that make life worth living. Don't buy it. PS: They also have a truly miserable and frightening old age and "day of reckoning". " no one really knows what he put me through" Oh, trust me - we here do, myself included. There's no realistically workable solution when it comes to avoiding becoming attached, aka in their case, incarcerated, unless one NEVER wants to be able to relax and have fun on dates rather than keeping one's eyes peeled for Early-Stage Red Flags - dating's supposed to be FUN. For the large majority - psychiatrists included! (oh yes) - there's only, recognising you're being increasingly abused - most of the time, deliberately - and escaping at the earliest opportunity. (You'll find plenty of "dodged a giant bullet" stories on here, though, happily.) "and no one would believe me since he had no need to prostitute me (his parents were/are well-off, he always got everything he wanted, so why would he need to push me into doing such things?)." Power and Control...including to know that no matter to what extremes he pushed you, you were well and truly psychologically stripped of your feet, or downright paralysed against trying to mount a great escape. "He gets to live a normal life," PFFFFFF! (Where are you getting all of this back-to-front information and Narc propoganda from? Be happy to know that you're wrong-wrong-wrong!) "has a solid relationship with some girl who doesn’t know anything about him" Then it ain't 'solid'. The 'building's' Foundation is a lie, an illusion. What do you think's going to happen when even a First Floor gets built on top of it? Just watch that Groundhog Day space... "except what he’s turned himself into, and has a nice job." Feel sorry for your replacement victim. Narcs are not horrid in one relationship and then suddenly lovely and marriageble in the next. We're not talking merely horrid, are we. We're talking MENTALLY ILL. That's why PDs are IN the DSM (diagnostic manual of mental illness) in the first place. "He probably loves hearing about what I’ve become: a pathetic puddle of a girl woman who can’t mentally move past eighteen." He probably feels less shite than usual, at most. Or he might not have given you a single thought since it ended. This weekend I'll paste you in some links. "It all feels hopeless, you know?" Yes, I do know. Almost everyone here knows too. And it's mainly an illusion and then an abnormally confused mix. The whole cocktail of feelings is simply too easy to misinterpret - due to our very limited range of emotions for today's emotionally far advanced life compared to our still-archaic/caveman wiring. Plus you're going through Cold Turkey on top...He repeatedly pushed the buttons it takes to get you addicted to him and the drama - Honeymoon Heroin I call it.. Etc. And those buttons aren't supposed to be constantly pushed as their the ones that cause havoc with YOUR wiring. Imagine you're in a really bad mood, really irritable. And punch (psych version - same effect as physical) your loved-one in the heart. And that makes you (a weird kind of) Happy as well as relieved. Yes, indeed - call the men in White coats! It would render you emotionally and mentally dysfunctional and therefore interpersonally/interrelatably DYSFUNCTIONAL. That poor woman will get the same treatment you got. It makes him feel important as well as makes him FEEL for a change! (His positive, humanitarian emotions are dead or may as well be.) It's the only thing - bar money and material objects - that can. You`ve got some self-educating to do, OPG. (I'm sorry, I refuse to call you an insult without any shred of evidence nor indication so far yet significant evidence (already!) to the contrary. "The past can’t ever be the past" What am I and so many victim-survivors (oh, yes, you bear the signs of the latter, too, already), before you - chopped Liver? You just need to be enlightened. Anyway - yours was clearly a Silver Spoon type of Narcissistic-Sociopath (two PDs for the price of one, much in-common with a psychopath, except for how thick and ham-fisted they are). After the lengths he went to - and the state you're in (TEMPORARILY!) - I don't even need to ask any more questions on that score. So that makes knowing which "pych meds" you need, easy-peasy lemon squeezy - particularly as mine was that type too!...co-morbid with Paranoid Personality Disorder, Passive-Aggression (as well as Covert-Aggression), AAAND Borderline PD. And he wasn't my first of his type, either. And what's worse? I'm such a study slut that I would KEEP them for however long, even after realising what they were: research-material-lovely-research-material, num-num-num (I'll just ignore the shards of glass). I must be the only victim alive who CAN say, it was (eventually) half my choice and responsibility. Otherwise - NOPE, not psychologically possible for any victim-slave to take any blame for having been targetted by a Master, lured and tricked them into their van, drive off to their isolated land and shoved down a hole (ref Silence Of The Lambs - physical version of what you've been through, but without your mother being the US President. It's a Con-Job and/or a Kidnapping. BASICALLY. Domestic CRIME. The minute he made flirty contact your brain went into Stunned mode, like an animal in the headlights, and thereby lost a MASSIVE-MASSIVE - I MEAN, MASSIVE 15 iQ points! What about that doesn't say effecitvely DRUGGED? See? There's nothing wrong with you but a heck of a lot right if you attracted an evil Spoiled, Nasty, Sadistic, Power-Obsessed, Disturbingly Self-delusional, BRAT in a grown-up's suit. They spend every day of their life convincing themselves they're "All That". You think they want anything less than someone TRULY "All That" (and it's not about looks, either, trust me, that's a trivial bonus....AN AMAZING, GENEROUS, CHARMISMATIC soul is what they aim for, ohh, yes. You have and are EVERYTHING he can no longer be and so his pathological envy and ucked believing/thinking/feeling/vice-versa does the rest. The nicer, sweeter, more gorgeous and likeable/loveable you are - whether you know it yourself or not - the more convincing a "good guy" they appear by-association and the more WEAK (their perception) and too nice to stand up for yourself you will be. You need to learn that it's pointless caring what a Loony Tune thinks or doesn't think about you or anything else in this world. They're upside-down and inside-out. All they can see is (downwards) to their own arse. They're evil kids in permanent calipres or wheelchairs, who, just because those are the psychological/invisible version, use that invisibility to pretend they're a fully-functioning, healthy, loving, relationship candidate. Chucky or a Gremlin - in a wheelchair. They want anyone who makes them jealous, crippled and in a wheelchair too. That way, you'll never out-run and escape them. But they're not completely stupid about it - hence you have books like, "Too Good To Leave/Too Bad To Stay". Google the Narcissistic Cycle Of Abuse and Narc Sweet-Mean Cycle and Narc Push-You-Pull-Me Relationship (fauxlationship, actually). Anyway, this is a whole alter-world I'm trying to nutshell....probably too much to take in in one go so - take your time and google-google and read what I post. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. AND GETTING YOUR SENSE OF POWER BACK IS KEY TO "NVS" (oogle) HEALING INTO THRIVING. (They cannot STAND it if you do get back your health and functioning, and just being content, even with very little (for the short-time-being). It threatens their entire psyche! Now that's what you call Squishing a Narc!) YOU can heal and recover and fly higher thanks to all the Boot Camp training and strengthening of your wings. He ain't GOT any wings. He'll never recover. Pity the kid-into-adult he could have become. But not the adult. Becoming Narc is a choice. "and sometimes I feel like I’d be better off not existing anymore." Don't you dare! We Empaths need you! Safety In Numbers! The world would be far worse off without you - FACT. Join the movement as you recover. Put it this way, you don't effectively, tantamountedly bound, regularly beat-up and gag someone in your basement/dungeon if (1) you don't want to however-much destroy them or (2) because that person is a wholly non-threatening WIMP. Where's the need? You and all other victims in this day and age are the OPPOSITE of a wimp, whom could in fact mentally-emotionally *pulverise* the Malignant Narc secret cripple (always say Malignant, btw), were you only given the chance to realise WHAT they were and take remedial action - with or without support. Just logical. "Less burden for my parents," Burden - pff. Don't be silly (if you deep-down know that's what you're being, I mean - RsVP?). It's happening to parents' young-old adult children EVERYWHERE, lately. Plus - Oh, boy, what I wouldn't give to have my own "daily burden" still living at home with me. Oh, to wash his socks, cook is supper, generally spoil him and be there again when his own exes turned-out toxic...which ain't ever gonna happen a third time because he's met a genuine diamond to his own diamond. Which he might not have, had it not been for that experience. No experience is bad experience. Lack of experience is...and that's his and his kind's problem. Doesn't know what Happiness feels like or even Contentedness...nor gratitude, appreciation, LIKE, Love, Missing, Yearning, Amused, Interested, Involved, Symathetic, Empathetic, .... (fizz-pop-bang!, "Ex-terminate, ex-terminate!"). They know right from wrong...conscionable from unconscionable... THEY JUST DON'T CAAAAAARE. The world of health and decency is not the one they live in. He was trying to cripple you to his degree so that you'd never realise his true self and that you could, and otherwise inevitably would, do so much better (even with just a hamster, actually). "he doesn’t have to ever face any consequences for what he did, and the guy I met can move on and find a decent girlfrind. I don’t even know."" Yes he does. No he can't. No he won't - because he'll DE-decent her (if he gets his way). And I do. I really dooby-doo. HURRAH. :D GOOD NEWS FOR A CHANGE/AT LAST! There you go. You've landed. The rest is easy. Feeling a bit better? Might take 20 mins or more - give it time (chew slowly for ages before swallowing so that it gets processed and absorbed faster inside your system).

Answer my questios and ask me any questions you like. And then I'll follow-up with some links. Probably easiest to link you to prior threads wherein I've had to educate the survivor and posted numerous ace articles.

HAHA!..."Answer my questios and ask me any questions you like" Obviously that was a typo. Should have read: Answer my questios and ask me any questios you likio. (It's neary Sat nightio....that's my excusio.)

Oh, round objects...I just lost my long response about how not to need to trust a guy. ACH! I'll have to replicate it and be (oh no!) concise this time: Basically, it's a great and rare thing to be a truly sweet and lovely, giving, everything else, healthy-working, even shiny specimen. But, sadly, you'll attract resentment and jealousy from Narcs (or other issue-riddens) whereby they conningly get you on-side just to bring you down. The answer is not to hide your light under a bushel (we don't pander and change for ill idiots). It's to get acquainted with your own, personal bodyguard. Your inner (normal-healthy) psychopath...or inner She Ape if you prefer. (Seriously, the jury's out, it's now official: we have two of us inside every one of us.) If you can rely on YOU - to counter an aggressor's first-resort thug with your last-resort ninja - you don't have to trust anyone, not beyond the normal amount for any stage of acquaintance. Use this time to learn Self-Defense (and offensive-defence too, in case they're a real barrel-scraper/taboo-crusher). You'll more likely than not, never need to use it. These Malignants are closer to ferrel animal predators than civilised humans, underneath the almost 24-7 act. Learn to physically defend yourself and they can hear it in your voice and all other senses, that you could pulverise them with one punch/kick. That, and not let it go to your head whereby you make non-sensible decisions or wander down dark alleys, so to speak, and you'll be free to be as lovely as makes you happy to be. I'm lovely and scary at the same time. No Narc has ever tried more than the once to aggress or hit me. This is DOMESTIC Crime and unfortunately, no-one tends to have a Domestic Crime Unit living in their house with them. So in effect, this leaves you with Jungle Law. Ape to Ape. And the other good news is: the female of the specie is more deadly than the male. So the healthy female of the unhealthy specie duo, is more deadly by far. Bullies basically wait until they've tied our type to the wall - or when we're already weakened or on the floor. That's why they're labelled Cowards. They're more scared of us than we are of them. Their power is an illusion that cannot exist without our being convinced that they're something to be scared of, rather than pitied. After all, there are always rolling-pins and frying-pans. And this goes for male victims of (HAH!) female (not! - blokes with tits) Narc-Sociopaths/Psychos (hence the females and males are virtually indistinguishable, bar end aims. Basically -just the one: Male NSpath - wants to impregnante globally and run (what kid, where?). Female - ugh, kids, ugh...oh, wait - living meal ticket/leverage? - okay then! And that's it. DAMN right there are male victims. We see them here often. But anyway... all in good time. (I'm really glad he didn't get you pregnant btw.) So. Thoughts on how to tool yourself up? The weapon has been inside you all this time. It'd be a lot like this famous clip (where the Narc is the Arab swashbuckler): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YyBtMxZgQs It's a life-changer, OPG. You can be even LOVELIER with a Brown Belt under your...well - belt! :)