Relationship with a recovering addict

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 years now. A year ago we got engaged. Some may think it’s strange that it took such a long time to take this step but we met and started dating when we were still in school. We had to go through 4 years of long distance relationship while I studied abroad. So we got engaged shortly after I graduated and came back home. Now about my boyfriend’s addiction. It all started 5 years ago as something he did on special occasions. Then he began doing it once a week, then a few times a week and slowly that turned into addiction. Throughout those years he tried to quit several times, on his own, but kept relapsing. Before our engagement he promised me he would quit but couldn’t keep his promise. After we got engaged we pretended that everything was fine and didn’t even talk about the subject for a few months before we both had decided that it was time to do something about it. He tried to quit again and I was there the whole time, supporting him, but he still relapsed. We ended up getting into a big argument after which we continued to pretend like nothing was going on. A few months ago he lost his job and found a new one but was fired again after less than a month of working there (that was not related to his addiction in any way). In that month he got in a lot of debt and even took money from me and his parents which he has never done before. We stopped spending time together and I could barely recognize him. All his mind was occupied with were thoughts about getting his next fix. Finally he has decided to get professional help. We saw a doctor and got all the necessary medications that he had to take every day. Some of the medications made him very drowsy and unable to work. Remind you that he didn’t have a job at the time. As he lives with his parents, they eventually found out and we had to tell them the truth. His family went through a hard time accepting this but they supported him nonetheless. It’s been almost three months and it has not been getting easier. My boyfriend got distant both physically and emotionally. He says it’s how he feels and he can’t do anything about it. We still have our happy moments but his mood can change in seconds. He says he wants me to be with him but when I come over he doesn’t even talk to me, I’m usually the one who starts the conversation. We used to watch shows and movies together and now we rarely do. I can understand the physical part, since starting recovery he has been struggling with PE so he tries to stay away from even touching or hugging me. His family members say he acts the same way around them. And from what I’ve noticed, it’s not the same with his friends. He’s always on his phone talking with them, when he’s with them he’s happy and acts like his usual self, laughing and making jokes. I don’t remember the last time he was like this with me. I don’t know if I’m just rushing things. I realize that recovery takes time but I had these expectations that once he quits everything with get back to normal, or at at least will slowly get better. But now it feels like we’re running in circles and every time I bring this subject up he gets angry and in these moments I get scared he might relapse. I love him and I’m patient but it’s been a while since I’ve felt loved or wanted by him. Are these results of recovery and I should give space and time, or is he losing interest in me?

I've (unfortunately) been with two addicts and something that one of them said once always kind of bugged me a little, you have to go through recovery celebrate and single. I remember she explained why but I don't remember exactly what she said. It sort of seems like your experiencing the complications of addiction recovery while also trying to be in a relationship. My only personal experience with addiction myself was actually just with cigarettes and for me, what always made a huge difference was a change in who I spent time with. I quit cigarettes in 2019 right after loosing one really crappy job where everyone smoked and getting hired at a much better job. The two major differences were, no one here at my current workplace smokes and pretty much everyone who works here WANTS to be here. That second part made a much bigger difference than I expected. It was a much more positive atmosphere to work in and since no one smokes, there was no one to smoke with (and discuss how much we hated everything). I sort of tried picking up the habit about a month after that and I smoked maybe 2.5 cigarettes before just giving up because I wasn't enjoying them at all anymore. The other thing though, things might change when you go through addiction and then recovery. His feelings for you might change, for example. I don't know how drastically since I don't talk to either of my addict exes, but for me personally, quitting cigarettes just made me realize how negative my life really was when I was smoking: Crappy job, constantly surrounded by miserable and angry people (who WERE addicts), a falling out with a close friend (we're friends again), etc. All things that might "trigger" me and make me crave that little bit of self-destruction. I'm really not sure if this helps, especially since I'm not really an addict myself but maybe just hang on? He might be going through kind of a rough patch with his recovery and some addicts find that really difficult to handle. Some of the changes you see in him might be temporary but being in recovery, it might take a while. Addiction recovery, especially for genuine addicts like either of my exes could take a really REALLY long time and they might never be fully "better."

Are you still there, "TLABL"?