Am I becoming a misogynist?

Let me start by saying I'm in no means a good person; I have my dirt, done my wrongs but I try to better myself. I'm not looking for validation, sympathy or pity, just honest opinions. I'll be the first to tell you that I'm a miserable bastard, a paranoid pessimistic dick with mild trust issues (for reasons I'll explain later) but I don't generally hate anyone/anything. Hate is something I don't really waste my time on, I often don't care enough to do so but I find hating someone/something for a reason they can't control beyond ridiculous. That being said, I've recently begun to notice that I have at the very least a strong aversion to women, especially strangers. It became apparent at an old job where I basically ignored my female coworkers while almost exclusively speaking with the males. At the time, I attributed it to a lack of common interests and a preexisting beef between my brother (who also worked there) and a few of the girls. But now at my current job where I'm only one of only 2 straight male employees, I've basically become a mute as I rarely speak to anyone due to my discomfort. This is especially awful because I manage a staff of mostly teen girls who are genuinely good kids. I'm not above self reflection and there are clear sources for this behavior however I'm not sure if it will potentially morph into something more dangerous/extreme. In an attempt not to drama dumb, I'll just give the essentials: *SA’d by multiple fem relatives for the majority of my childhood, beginning at 3 (TMK) ending at 14. By 10, I was a willing participant (I am aware that it doesn't make it ok). Everyone involved were minors at the time (all adults now) & I think my mom knew more than she lets on hence the trust issues. *Family is mostly female, my immediate family is almost 2:1 ratio. Almost all single mothers with multiple kids by multiple people (including my own). They were/are very critical. *Boys and girls weren't allowed to play together so I had no one my age to socialize with. *I strongly suspect my math teacher in MS tried to SA me as well. She notes my love for drawing and repeatedly asked for me to stay after class to help design her logo for her side hustle. There were several people much better than me in the class. *Person living in the apartment above mine was murdered by an angry boyfriend for smashing his girlfriend. I've since stepped out of the dating scene (I moved here from a different state). On top of all that, as I become more in tune with what I'm tolerant of, certain behaviors I can't stand have been present in almost all the women I know personally. I've heard the horror stories of guys being used, lied to and ridiculed and while I know it's unfair to assume all women are like this it's more than what I'm comfortable with. I've seen these things happen in front of my eyes: bitter baby mamas, manipulative girlfriends, hell my only female friend cheated on her bf with ME! Not to mention growing tension between men and women, the false allegations and misunderstandings. I hear blatant misandry and my blood boils because I know if the genders were reversed it would be called out. AITA for feeling this way towards women? Am I becoming misogynistic? I hope to marry someday, I don't want to go into that resenting my SO for simply being born female. TL;DR: My past experiences with women have almost always been negative, AITA for now avoiding them?

Hi and sorry for the long delay! Forum regulars are too thin on the ground at the moment. It is a free-for-all public forum of the traditional/old-fashioned variety, though, so, according to how it's supposed to work, please would you post a reply or two (your impressions/opinion/advice or sympathy - or just say Hi and that you're taking an interest in their problem!) to the other thread-creators who are sat waiting with you? (And note this same message is going to all of you.) Once our regulars, including myself, are in a position to, they'll no doubt contribute as well. Thanks! Soulmate

Ach - you got left waiting as well! Apologies again. "Let me start by saying I'm in no means a good person; I have my dirt, done my wrongs but I try to better myself." You've just contradicted yourself. People who are 'by no means a good person' don't try to better themselves (including, to atone). Why don't you let other people decide for themselves, rather than coming in, setting your bar and their expectations so low? That, what you've just done, is actually from the same vein as telling a new girlfriend that you can tell she's fallen in-love with you rather than you declaring you have and letting her reciprocate (or not). It's not your remit to tell people how to see you and what to think of you. It's for them to try you and see for themselves; they have their own minds and preferences. Know what that is? Beating yourself up before anyone else can do it...getting in there first, trying to premeptively avoid their becoming disappointed in or disillusioned with you. Why so defensive? Are you used to being told you're not a good person? By whom(s)? "I'm not looking for validation," Well, I know. That's what I've just said is obvious. "sympathy or pity," Again - don't dictate. If you need sympathy and pity, that's what you'll get. Because it's natural and healthy. "just honest opinions." HAHA! - how am I doing so far? "I'll be the first to tell you that I'm a miserable bastard," Oh, STOP. It's very unattractive and downright tedious. I'LL DECIDE. Otherwise, why did you come here? Let GO of staying in control, Mr Control Freak No. 6 Billion-and-Five! "a paranoid pessimistic dick" Yawn. " with mild trust issues (for reasons I'll explain later)" You don't need to. "but I don't generally hate anyone/anything. Hate is something I don't really waste my time on, I often don't care enough to do so but I find hating someone/something for a reason they can't control beyond ridiculous." If you mean getting whacked in the face by the shoed foot of a fit-ing Epileptic, then - no - agree. (I hear excuuuuu-seeeeeees coming....) "That being said, I've recently begun to notice that I have at the very least a strong aversion to women, especially strangers." Trust issues and OTT mental associations (women - bad - hurt - stay away). Yes. I'm ahead of you. "It became apparent at an old job where I basically ignored my female coworkers while almost exclusively speaking with the males. At the time, I attributed it to a lack of common interests and a preexisting beef between my brother (who also worked there) and a few of the girls. But now at my current job where I'm only one of only 2 straight male employees, "... (How many of the males are gay?) ..."I've basically become a mute as I rarely speak to anyone due to my discomfort. This is especially awful because I manage a staff of mostly teen girls who are genuinely good kids." TEEN girls, eh? Interesting... "I'm not above self reflection and there are clear sources for this behavior" I'll take a wild guess: SISTERRRRRR! (I'm not looking down, just going para by para.) "....however I'm not sure if it will potentially morph into something more dangerous/extreme." Not if you let it out here, it won't. That's probably all you need - people to vent it all out to. If it was from your childhood, that at the time censored, then self-suppressed resentment will have been festering and getting ready to INSIST its way out (with bloke-style acting-out). "In an attempt not to drama dumb, I'll just give the essentials:" 'Drama dumb'? Not heard that one! What does it mean exactly? *SA’d by multiple fem relatives for the majority of my childhood, beginning at 3 (TMK) ending at 14. By 10, I was a willing participant (I am aware that it doesn't make it ok). Everyone involved were minors at the time (all adults now) & I think my mom knew more than she lets on hence the trust issues. " Oh, good grief - modern text talk! I don't speak that. SA'd - what's that? And TMK. Hang on, I'll have to google... Sexually assaulted. Oh, sh*t. Okay. By FEMALE relatives, yes? (It wasn't your job to make it ok - you were the non-consensual minor. It's like blaming yourself for being a drug-addicte after you had been forcibly injected over years in an incarceration situation. Futile and nonsense.) So...family of malignant narcs (and no doubt helpless victims all busily trying to save themselves). "*Family is mostly female, my immediate family is almost 2:1 ratio. Almost all single mothers with multiple kids by multiple people (including my own). They were/are very critical. " (Yep - there we go, there it is.) (And thanks for describing a Narcissistic Family set-up and its after-effects. Do you suspect this already? YOu do sound as if you do?) So - double the females to males. And female-dominant (Narc attitude: Might is Right, aka, majority trumps minority (when there shouldn't BE any 'minorities' in the world and wouldn't be were it not for their type getting into positions of power!). "*Boys and girls weren't allowed to play together..." Que?? " so I had no one my age to socialize with." You mean you were forcibly isolated, courtesy of this stupid, family, no-mixing rule (no doubt made-up just for your detriment)? WHY weren't your sisters and you allowed to play together? (This, I can't WAIT to hear!) "*I strongly suspect my math teacher in MS tried to SA me as well." The experience marks you as a victim (how you walk, talk, behave...), meaning, other predators can pick you out from the other kids like you're lit in neon. They like you already isolated. Saves them a job. But if you're not, and they have the relational means, they'll ensure to MAKE you isolated (like, no mixing with your female sisters and relatives allowed). "She notes my love for drawing and repeatedly asked for me to stay after class to help design her logo for her side hustle. There were several people much better than me in the class." Yes, well, she won't have picked you for that, will she. Or maybe she did AS WELL? What happened? "*Person living in the apartment above mine was murdered by an angry boyfriend for smashing his girlfriend." SMASHING his gf? You mean, hitting? (I'll google...meh...) Oh, it means 'shagging' his gf! So clearly the boyfriend was psychologically disturbed, then? Narc-Sociopath, was he? Given to brawls, fights, creating OTT drama and chaos, all of that?...acted like he thought he was in a bloody trashy daytime drama?...thought he could murder and NOT get caught and banged-up for it?...or just didn't think that far ahead (typical Spath) (psychos do...Plan A, B, C, D...Z....cool as cucumbers...above violence (too clever, don't need it).) Oh, Malignant Narcs of the Thug variety are bloody everywhere, lately, isn't it wonderful. (Have you read the other threads yet?) " I've since stepped out of the dating scene (I moved here from a different state)." WELL, I'M NOT SURPRISED! (And I'm not surprised!) Don't blame you. (Ditto.) So YOU'RE still normal then? Stubborn, are you? Well, whatever mental qualities saved you - well done! And an intelligent decision to Opt Out! Well done! Yep. I think I'd feel ready to murder a baddie by now, in your shoes. Well done again (for coming here!...sorry again I'm late - been ill). "On top of all that, as I become more in tune with what I'm tolerant of, certain behaviors I can't stand have been present in almost all the women I know personally." Well, there's a hidden, valid reason for that. You got soft-programmed by the unhealthy all the way to corrupt programming they constantly downloaded into you via their behaviour and your empathy (it's like a conduit) (actually, it's not 'like' - it is). So I expect you shut THAT down, then? You've Had Enough of having had enough....getting well AWAY from the loonie-tunes (the ones who've convinced you you're not up to standard....pff... Google "Narcissist - Projection" and "- Isolation" and "- Belittling" (etc.) so that you can STOP introducing yourself as 'not a good guy'. You so ARE. You're just F***ING ANGRY! Good. Because it's the precursor for finally healing and breaking those chains AND your attractiveness to Narcs. FYI, you get treated like that when you threaten the Narc(s) or Narc-Sociopaths (despots) with your higher calibre thus adult potential (could show the up as inadequate or tell everyone the truth, that the family ISN'T perfect, but ick as uck) or fail to take after them in any flattering way or toe their unreasonable line (or fail to wither away to nothing) OR JUST LOOK AT THEM FUNNY (evil AND thick, they are). "I've heard the horror stories of guys being used, lied to and ridiculed and while I know it's unfair to assume all women are like this it's more than what I'm comfortable with." No, I get it (as above). It's just self-preservationist at this stage. You just need time and venting/exploring/discussing/learning (how it's all them, never you - no equality/rights, no share of blame, End Of - you're the victim here)...and then your mind will allow your currently over-broad brush (all women are emotionally dangerous) to grow finer again. You probably haven't had time to start healing before...were never NOT in the company and crosshairs of (pathologically envious) them. You can't heal while you're still being beaten-up, right? So you've put yourself into a self-made Emotional Hospital - and then come to an actual Emotional Hospital. I see nothing wrong with you and everything right about you so far. (Oh, noooooo, what do I do with thaaat, I'm not used to that! / Take it and get used to it, bizc, haha...it's the truth. I'm impressed.) " I've seen these things happen in front of my eyes: bitter baby mamas, manipulative girlfriends, hell my only female friend cheated on her bf with ME! Not to mention growing tension between men and women, the false allegations and misunderstandings. I hear blatant misandry and my blood boils because I know if the genders were reversed it would be called out. AITA for feeling this way towards women? Am I becoming misogynistic? I hope to marry someday, I don't want to go into that resenting my SO for simply being born female." Oh, for god's sake. DOUBLY 'no wonder!'. Get out of LaLa Land. You heal by going cold turkey - don't touch a DROP (of toxic people's toxins). But you're ahead of ME, you're already doing it. (Gold Star for fantastic instincts including survivalism.) "TL;DR:" Ah, I know what this one is: Too Long, Don't Read. But what actually does that mean (in plain English)? Listen...your long is my tiny. Stop apologising for yourself, it's not necessary - this is not LaLa Land, it's no Narcs allowed or I pulverise them (nicely). YOU'RE SAFE HERE. The male and female visitors and regulars are LOVELY with a capital L. I wouldn't have it any other way. SAFE. Relax now. 'Socialise' here while you're in your psychological hospital bed and re-grow your confidence and trust. "My past experiences with women have almost always been negative, AITA for now avoiding them?" I know this one as well - Am I The Arsehole. No. Non. Nein. No (spanish). Net. "Do wot, Lav - yeravin a LAUGH! (cockney). :) Parental hug: ((((((((HUG)))))))))))

(Love your name as well - it sounds witty. What's a Goober?)

Sorry - I didn't finish: "Well, there's a hidden, valid reason for that. You got soft-programmed by the unhealthy all the way to corrupt programming they constantly downloaded into you via their behaviour and your empathy (it's like a conduit) (actually, it's not 'like' - it is). So I expect you shut THAT down, then?" The reason is the same as with that teacher. Lit in neon. The neon doesn't grow dim and go out until you've stayed completely away from narcs, long enough to heal. Two to five years if you don't have support. But you have youth in your favour so I reckon we can get you back to normal and hopefully scar-free in a year or so...which all amounts to: No longer attractive to Narcissists (they'll give you a wide berth). At this point in your recovery programme, however, you`re still 'tasty Narc Num-Nums', plus, you still find them (their infectious mental virus) threatening and thus feel "scared" of them even if you don't fear them (if that makes sense). Once healed - just plain ridiculous and downright pathetic and pitiful (and sometimes amusing) and wondering why the uck you didn't leave them sooner or couldn't see the others coming (there's an involuntary reason for that, too). No kicking yourself allowed from now on. I don't CARE if you don't agree (yet), that'll only be because with those idiots day and night on your back, growing-up, when you SHOULD have been free to discover and become best friends with yourself and found people in the world JUST LIKE YOU (a good egg) - your view of yourself is as forcefed as well as simply outdated. Healing time will allow you to catch up to and with yourself - no worries...happens automatically - just by No Contact (or in your case - Zero). Good! You're on your way. It's all good in the hood! :)