I need help in my relationship

So i met this girl about a year ago. She was originally someone I went to for spiritual support/guidance. Well, we started talking and honestly within four months (we moved in together.) It was long distance, and we closed the distance. Her daughter and her, and me all live together. I know the move was fast, in retrospect. I get that, but she disagrees, she says that we didnt go fast and for her it all felt right. At the time I could say I agreed, but with the way things are right now, I look back and feel that we shouldve paced ourselves. Here’s why: We have been struggling for the entire time we moved in together. I have taken on a lot of the responsibility financially and that on top of becoming a parent and boyfriend has taken a toll on me and worn me down. I feel like im trying to stay afloat, and its all hard to get through. The issue is that we argue over everything. EVERYTHING. Big, small, it doesn't matter. We have been arguing non-stop. Theres always something we are at each other’s throats about. I am a person that gets drained in that environment and it causes me to withdraw. It makes it hard to reconnect with someone when I am drained and turned off by all the arguing. It makes me not want to be bothered. It makes her feel the opposite. She wants MORE affection and MORE interaction when we’re at odds. She is upset that I withdraw and we dont go on dates, but I am stressed and tired. Im in survival mode, and she is angry at me for not pushing through it and being romantic when I am genuinely exhausted. I have explained to her that all of these stresses have made it difficult, and at times I dont want to, because its a lot on me. Its not that I entirely hate the idea—its that its hard to see romance in an environment where there isnt even peace. She has told me that her life has been this chaotic and shes used to it—so she chooses to make time. She ultimately told me its my choice to not romance her. It made me feel even worse. Its like despite all of these things she doesnt see how tiring a situation like this is, she just sees that she isnt getting what she wants. Is she right? Am i just being a jerk? Please help.

Hi and sorry for the long delay! Forum regulars are too thin on the ground at the moment. It is a free-for-all public forum of the traditional/old-fashioned variety, though, so, according to how it's supposed to work, please would you post a reply or two (your impressions/opinion/advice or sympathy - or just say Hi and that you're taking an interest in their problem!) to the other thread-creators who are sat waiting with you? (And note this same message is going to all of you.) Once our regulars, including myself, are in a position to, they'll no doubt contribute as well. Thanks! Soulmate

Do yourself a favour & get the hell out of there; you guys will end strangling each other. It doesn't matter what she says, if you're not happy, then walk away & let things settle. If she's responsible, she can't expect her daughter to live in the sort of environment you describe. You guys will never work it out while you constantly blue with each other over evrything & anything & going by your post, you share bugger all values. She's correct, you have a choice, so make the right one for your own sake & walk away. Read your own post..you don't mention any shared love or respect for each other.

Agree! But it's not you who started this crappy dynamic, LostBro. So it's, she's strangling you and you've been strangling back (trying) or trying to stop her from strangling you, but now - because you're normal-healthy - you've had enough..into...had enough of having had enough. You went along with the rushing (using Intensity disguised as true Intimacy). But now you realise it wasn't a healthy start nor indicative of both parties being healthy (thus fundamentally compatible). She doesn't. She loves the drama. She NEEDS it. She calls it Romance (emotional blackmail alert!). Romance, my arse. Stunted child's addiction to having been raised in a warzone one minute and "loved" the next, back-forth-back-forth...sweet-mean-sweet-mean...this was her parents' marriage. It's her Normal. (What true age would you put her at to make her behaviour somehow seem to make a bit of sense?....terrible toddler or terrible teen?) You did not have a year's innings when you moved in. Long-distance means watered-down. Probably 6 months at the most. So you moved in after the equivalent of 6 months' dating and even took on the Stepdad position. After max. 6 months. Don't tell me - she's incredible in the bedroom, yes? (Or was?) Yeah - at the time, you were DRUGGED-UP on self-made Heroin (thanks to her pushing the right buttons during "Love-Bombing" stage ("Idealise" - Idealize, Devalue, Discard - google)). It's actually high Dopamine and other feelgood chems that get released and mixed, but the drunkenness isn't perceptible at the time, plus you've no experience, dating a personality-disordered (actual) Narcissist (yup, sorry - all the hallmarks present) And if you're not compus-mentis - yes, you WILL make rash decisions that you later find out you have cause to really regret, but which ("haha, yeah, what the hell, we love each other madly - let's go for it!") at the time feel good to make. And this is why they 'spike' you and rush you: because (on top of everything else) they're lifelong addicts of Dopamine. At her age - they know by now (history repeating) that after the Dopamine cocktail inevitably runs out, they'll revert to type and it'll all go t*ts-up (despite they don't know why....which is: this triggers their malprogramming and they start to resent you and all the things that they found attractive in you to begin with...and turn back into someone impossible to have a healthy, happy relationship with. They're never satisfied, want more, more, more...as you've been finding out. It's because their 'ego Inflateable' has a hole in it. If you get mad (argument) or very excited and happy, you ROUSE them...which they like because, again, they were used to living constantly over-aroused (and usually not in a good way). They (and you) also experience OTT Dopamine release when you make up after an argument. For them, it's almost foreplay. Pathological (incurable) Narcs are pathologically...Bored/frustrated all the time; Self-Deluded (which you have to help them with or you're the baddie); Envious; Resentful; Vindictive; Dishonest/Liars; Over-entitled; etc., etc. You can't reason with them. End Of. Not unless it's in their direct interests to pretend to be reasonable (which doesn't last so - End Of). They're in no way fit relationship candidates - and the very severe ones don't even care because they're only now in it for the power and control over someone (and to leech or steal money off of them, and to get to be "so clever" they can reduce or destroy someone's confidence, energy and psyche....they cause Mental Health issues in their victims...and then physical (ailments or injury)). It's Master-Servant - and guess which one you are? They can't do Equal. And equality including mutual respect is the No. 1 ingredient of Romantic-Sexual Relationship Pie. It was Over at Hello. All r-ships ("Fauxlationships") with an NPD all are. They're Impossible. And the NON-pathological narcissists, just shockingly selfish types, are still Too Difficult. It's never a two-way street. You give, they take (after having Primed you into the habit of giving to the power of 10 before they suddenly, sneakly, down their own tools, but whereby you can't stop...not until they slap you awake by insulting/disrespecting/using and exploiting you TOO FAR...your Line In The Sand appears). They exhaust you. You don't have time to look after yourself any more, do your job properly.... they keep stealing or manipulating you into giving them your "ego air"...so YOU are the always deflated one (this is why they're called emotional and/or social parasites). That way, they can get power over you more easily in order to start getting their way over yours, ALL the time. BTW, they're not genuine arguments. They're opportunities created by her via cooked-up charges, to kick or siphon some more ego-air out of you, to pump themselves up again. She's addicted to drama because it releases her Dopamine rush. AND it keeps your attention almost constantly on her-her-her. AND it has you starting to walk on eggshells in case you set her off. She's upset when you naturally and healthily withdraw because that's pumping yourself back up Time. Get it? And because, she hasn't finished with you yet. "Its not that I entirely hate the idea—its that its hard to see romance in an environment where there isnt even peace." Whom sane would feel like getting cuddly with the monster-under-the-bed when partners are supposed to be each other's PROTECTOR from the monster-under-the-bed? NO-ONE - THAT'S WHO! You are normal. You're reacting the self-protective and -respecting way. Ignore her. Then have a Final Talk with her. And keep following-through with your feet (failure plus refusal to act). "Im in survival mode, and she is angry at me for not pushing through it and being romantic when I am genuinely exhausted." Yes! Because she - SHE - likes it! And who cares how YOU feel or think? Not her. 'Me-me-me-me-me!'. You're the Slave, your needs and feelings don't factor. And that's why she wasted no time in tricking you at the speed of light, into thinking they DID and that she was therefore your perfect match. So she LIKES that you're exhausted because you're too tired to keep things fair and equal or stand up for yourself, and she doesn't CARE if it's eroding you (drip-drip-drip) and your joie de vivre. Tell her to get real (if she even can!) or f*ck-off. Or tell her I told her to. ENOUGH! Before you get ill. And I MEAN ill...this way lies numerous stress-inflammatory diseases INCLUDING CANCER and Fibromyalgia (etc., etc.). So - "Its like despite all of these things she doesnt see how tiring a situation like this is" - she does but doesn't give one. And ", she just sees that she isnt getting what she wants." Yup! And (Manalone) "Do yourself a favour & get the hell out of there;" YYYYUP. It was Over at Hello. PS: were it me, I'd verbally slap her hard around HER face, and then say: "Oh, well...if you don't like my brand of Foreplay then - no sex for YOU! But while I'm at it - I don't like your brand of Romance, either. Wanna strike a deal? But I probably wouldn't. There ISN'T any improving a narcissistic relationship (fauxlationship) so I'd be pissing into the wind, anyway, buying time (to get more beaten-up and flung around for no reason other than her needing a fix).

Important PS: "I have taken on a lot of the responsibility financially" Details, please? If you mean, you're mostly supporting her and her child's all-round living expenses while she's showing her 'gratitude' by too-often, merrily AMBUSHING you for a fight despite you'll visibly be exhausted by now, then we're deaing with a Narcissistic Sociopath. The Big One. One under a psychopath and no laughing matter, but just that she's right now ONLY GEARING UP for the worse to come. RsVP.

PPS: "Am i just being a jerk?" Don't make me laugh! If anything, you need to be MORE of a jerk, or rather, START being one! But, not really....it's already doomed. No. It's this: Right Qualities (mine) - WRONG RECIPIENT (her). Welcome to enlightenment re. the fact you don't have to be a woman to get domestically bullied and abused. Narx is Narx...it's an Equal Opportunities mental corruption. So it's not male versus female or female versus male, it's Narc versus Non-Narc. End Of. Someone as hard-working, caring, self-sacrificial as you? WHAT A CATCH! There is life after her (it). Plus, if you end it now, that little girl won't be badly affected by the split for not having had ample time yet to get too attached.

I appreciate the responses guys! I just had to ask for outside, unbiased opinions. Someone asked for details: I have been covering rent on my own since 6/2023. I recently started getting help last month in november. December is the first month i got her half without a gripe. I never considered that narc tendencies or full blown issues could be there. Can i give examples and someone help me? -so she recently said she gave up on getting affection from me, and it was because of my “choice” to not be affectionate. She said we’re both dealing with stress, but her stress didnt get in the way of our relationship—mine did. However, she said that she realizes her picking fights and having emotional regulation issues created the rift between us, but it is still MY choice that i let other things get in the way of affection. -some time ago, she said that she felt “spiritually cheated on” because I received spiritual guidance outside of her. (She reads tarot.) i went to another reader for advice and she said she felt like I cheated spiritually. -she has said I gaslit her before about not recalling our cups being in the cabinet a specific way (it seemed like they had gotten moved but I dont recall—maybe i wasnt paying attention. When i disagreed, she said I was gaslighting, and then recanted when i laid into her about what that means. Intent is what makes a disagreement become gaslighting. She used the word on me and didn't know what it meant. -she just the other night said i was lovebombing her bc i ramped up affection…due to her saying she didnt know how to handle me being affectionate…when i told her that shes esentially calling me abusive, she said that she “doesnt think of the meaning of words the way I do” bc im an english major. She says that someone told her what it meant, and she never did further research about it. She didnt care to do the research to further understand and didnt want to because of all the other things shes dealing with. -we often argued about which directions id take when driving. If i took a road she didnt like or went a back way, or did something she didnt understand/agree with/think made sense, shed get visibly upset or ask why i would do it. she would often say “i dont understand how that makes sense to you.” -she has openly stated that in a lot of cases shes not actively thinking or considering how something she says or does could affect someone unless they tell her its an issue. -she has also said that when she is upset it makes it hard for her to empathize or sympathize with others. -shes also cannot often see another POV until it is explained to her. Im just lost bc she will actively admit when she is wrong (bc i am a very strong communicator) and back down, and then she goes into kind of feeling bad. One of the reasons that I feel bad or like I was a jerk is because whenever we fought, i would ask her where it came from, or i would tell her which parts of her trauma cause her to behave that way. I feel like maybe i did that too much or it was too mean or too harsh. I feel like I was beating her down. She mentioned several times that she feels like her issues trashed everything (except our romantic life—apparently that was only my choice and decision.) i guess i just feel like maybe I was too hypercritical… Was i?

"I appreciate the responses guys! I just had to ask for outside, unbiased opinions. Someone asked for details: " Guys? Someone? HAHA! - It was just me! - Soulmate - Mod-Poster - I sent all three. (...BOO!) You looking on your titchy-tiny phone screen or something? Yikes, I doubt I could do this on a phone-screen, you get it in chunks, don't you? That would drive me crazy! Nah, give me a big-screen any day... Well, anyway - yup - details welcome. I wasn't planning to leave it there, anyway. (PS: Maybe what you need is an iPad screen so you can see me properly? Have you got one?) _______________________ "I have been covering rent on my own since 6/2023. I recently started getting help last month in november. December is the first month i got her half without a gripe." Definitely a Malignant (actually Personality Disordered by it). Could be a female N-Spath because it involves quite a large sum of money when it all adds up. May I know how much total household half (or whatever was agreed) share of expenses of hers you've been covering, to-date? That'll help me differentiate. "I never considered that narc tendencies or full blown issues could be there. Can i give examples and someone help me?" HAHAHAHA!! Yes - I will. And I will! Me too! ;D "-so she recently said she gave up on getting affection from me, and it was because of my “choice” to not be affectionate." Well, she would, wouldn't she (google "Narcissist - Blame-Shifting" / "Projecting" / "Stealing The Victim Cloak"). It's never their fault - even when it undeniably is. And their crime against you gets turned around to become your crime against THEM (i.e. daring to complain/criticize, even constructively and for well-meant reasons). ...Even with concrete evidence that you shove under their nose: 'Nope...the sky is NOT Green, it's Pink with Purple Stripes - and now I refuse to discuss this further, good DAY!" - or - "- and now if you don't shut-up, I'm going to scream so loud your ears will fall off...and THAT'LL learn ya!" (Yes, dear...and now I'll call Matron for you, shall I?...yeeeess, that's right, dear, you have a little nap...). "She said we’re both dealing with stress, but her stress didnt get in the way of our relationship—mine did. However, she said that she realizes her picking fights and having emotional regulation issues created the rift between us, but it is still MY choice that i let other things get in the way of affection." That sounds like "Word Salad" to me. I mean, I don't call picking fights all the time, her stress not getting in the way of her relationship. Quite the opposite OR YOU WOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE (duuh to her). Yep, word salad. It's "Gaslighting". Other things? How vague. LIKE WHAT? And let's now NOTE - GIANT NOTE! - her Sociopathic Reveal! She cavalierly and missably states that SHE IS AWARE SHE HAS EMOTIONAL REGULATION ISSUES. She *is* A Rift. On Legs. ALL Narcissists have emotional regulation problems! Yes, so do BPDs (Borderlines), but they're NOT simultaneously trying to LEECH OFF YOU. That's the Spath (depending on the amount/severity that you promised to give me) (no, not you-you - the other you) (hahahahahaha!, couldn't resist). "-some time ago, she said that she felt “spiritually cheated on” because I received spiritual guidance outside of her. (She reads tarot.) i went to another reader for advice and she said she felt like I cheated spiritually." What a load of ollocks. No, mate, you simply wounded her extremely over-sensitive, puny EGO. You do something perfectly at-liberty and reawsonable to do - she, being unreasonableness-on-legs and always looking for insults and trouble (as an excuse to start a fight because she love-love-loves it). So she's so unprofessional that she brings your past, BUSINESS relationship - brief at that - into your now-romantic relationship? (Course she is - they don't DO "professional" or ethical...just ego-powered Everything. Even the seemingly pettiest, most trivial slight or insult can set these toxic "undateables" off. Either as revenge, punishment, or FUN and another surge of delusional Power Over (you).) She's beyond any shadow of a doubt, a Malignant Narc, IMO. Jury's still out on Narc-Spath. "-she has said I gaslit her before about not recalling our cups being in the cabinet a specific way (it seemed like they had gotten moved but I dont recall—maybe i wasnt paying attention)." What the actual, serious-Coercive Controlling eff?! Have you ever watched, Sleeping With The Enemy, with Julia Roberts and Kevin whatsisface? I think you'd better - and quick! ACtually, let me see if I can get you the clip(s)... I can - short and to the point, each of them! WATCH THESE NOW, RIGHT NOW, while bearing in mind that this N-spath spousal-bully's exertion of control over 'Julia', did NOT start at this outwardly menacing level. He'd have started WHERE SHE IS....accusing you of proving you don't care about her unless you do The Unreasonable, the Bending-Over-Backwards...the ridiculous. You, Walking On Eggshells. Using their physical presence (I don't mean muscles, just presence that triggers the negative associations!) to intimidate and force you to whatever. All of that. 1. Labels: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tUiESovgfw 2. Towels: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tUiESovgfw Creepy, right? And this isn't about, a man who finds himself dominated and bullied by a Narc, rather than "the usual woman", meaning the man must just be a wimp. (No such thing...every human has their breaking point.) Women aren't wimps, either. No gender will protect you - Narx is Narx. And they'll sleep with any gender anyway - even a dog or a pig if that's what it'll take to latch on to (or have some hold over) some "poor sucker" (- definition: simply healthy thus wants a loving relationship/friend/whatever, like he's programmed to). In fact, the NICER, KINDER, SWEETER, MORE GENEROUS AND HELPFUL AND HEROIC RESCUER YOU ARE - THE GREATER YOUR VULNERABILITY TO BEING CONNED INTO A CAGE POSING AS A RELATIONSHIP BY AN EMOTIONAL AND/OR FINANCIAL PARASITE. And what woman, normally, wouldn't want a man just like you with enough feminine side to him to make him manly AND a bit womanlike so as to be *palatable* to a woman! So it's perversely a HUGE compliment to your healthy-mindedness and overall calibre of human being - End Of. A wimp, on the other hand - well, they dump the Narc at the very first atom of trouble/abormality! (Think about it!) You're a marathon-runner. But this race is already showing you it ain't worth running because it'll cost you your (mental) legs. Cowards/wimps aren't prepared to endure as they fight hard for a relationship. Not that fighting in THIS case gets you anywhere except KNACKERED and YOUR NERVES SHREDDED (etc.), but normally would when paired with another normal-healthy who likewise genuinely wanted a love relationship (with compatible chemistry) have worked perfectly and you'd both be 'as happy as Larry' by now. And each time you do their pathetic, petty bidding (to accommodate thus TEnable THEIR problem, like it's yours or your duty to accommodate (er - NO?)) - the behaviour worsens because they've got away with it. And getting away with it means, YOU DIDN'T CHUCK THEM LIKE TOO MANY OTHER VICTIMS WOULD HAVE! They're the ones who aren't, amongst many finer human qualities, as loyal, earnest and empathetic as you. (BTW - sorry if I'm repeating myself from up there, but, actually I'm not - repetition aids faster learning, innit.) They drip-drip-drip shrink your boundaries and your ability to be bothered enough or have energy enough to PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND NIP ALL TRANSGRESSIONS IN THE BUD *as* they first appear. That way - if they HAVE means to hold their toxicity in (mild one), they will, but if they haven't (giant one) then they'll quickly see you as non-suitable as a tame-able, trainable Slave, and move onto the next, easier target. Otherwise, with an N-Spath, we're talking Life Takeover including financial status and security. They can ruin you as well as leave you emotionaly devastated. DOUBLE the fun of the 'plain' disordered Narc! A Narc does not say sorry (and mean it) because Sorry means, Wont do it again, whreas, they fully intend DOING IT AGAIN (and again and again) UNTIL you get to 'Kevin's' instigative stage and 'Julia's' (non-)reactive stage (easier to give in and not argue) (...NOOOOOT!...kick him hard in the nuts, luv, if that's all that's open to you - and hard enough that'll he'll never try that shite again...it'll just come out behaviourally and verbally instead ...you can't actually win). Check out these lyrics by Suzanne Vega. And VERY INTERESTINGLY - Luka cam be a MALE name, not just female! So listen with THAT in mind!... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiOtybFLoi4 ...and tell me which phrases leapt out at you. "When i disagreed, she said I was gaslighting, and then recanted when i laid into her about what that means." Typical. In her head she probably punched you in the face, but - she's still in mostly Covert mode, I note. "Intent is what makes a disagreement become gaslighting." ABSO-LUTELY! WELL DONE! "She used the word on me and didn't know what it meant." Don't you know they're the insta-expert on anything and everything, when convenient?...when they're so not? Being an expert takes blood, sweat and tears. Narcs want kudos and rewards FOR-FREE. Cheaters. In all senses and meanings. See how she tried it on? The minute you showed you WEREN'T ignorant on this topic like she hoped, she accordingly backed down because otherwise she'd have made herself look non-credible as a future accuser. She just wanted to see if she could get away with her ollocks. "-she just the other night said i was lovebombing her bc i ramped up affection…due to her saying she didnt know how to handle me being affectionate…when i told her that shes esentially calling me abusive, she said that she “doesnt think of the meaning of words the way I do” bc im an english major." THEN DON'T CLAIM TO SPEAK ENGLISH, IDIOT! Word Salad again (SOUNDS logical-plausible - isn't. It's just arrogance mistaken for confidence in their knowledge...it's their MANNER OF DELIVERY that makes it sound kosha...that's how you can believe them until you leave their forcefield, when suddenly, what they said either makes zero sense in hindsight or you can't even recall what or how they said something!). Can't substantiate/argue so just gives that avenue up. (But she'll get you for that, "meh, meh, meh, nyyyeeeah, you wait"). Nah. She doesn't want you to be affectionate because she's never been genuinely into it and can't keep pretending any longer...that's why racheting up the fights so that you get dopamine rushes from something she DOES enjoy! ...just by making up afterwards (oh, the relief!). "She says that someone told her what it meant, and she never did further research about it." Narcs think 'research' means looking a second time in the mirror to check for zits! :p 'Work' and 'doing things fully and properly' is not in their vocabulary. Yeah, and - SOMEONE told her. What - someone at the bus-stop? :p Accused her of, more like (and what did she care when 'psychology is a load of b*llocks' according to them. Well, they'd have to say that, wouldn't they, think about it.) "She didnt care to do the research to further understand and didnt want to because of all the other things shes dealing with. " THEN DON'T FLING ACCUSATIONS YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE FIRST IDEA ABOUT! (What a crock! Good god - who IS this one - bloody Del Monte? Never SEEN so much Word Salad in one sitting! And - oh - so she's interested enough to use it as a bottom-barrel-scraping insta-diversion tactic (not me, it's you and your (xyz)). Yet not interested enough to know WHAT she were flinging? How does THAT work? She'll say ANYTHING, won't she. Except - you're right, my bad, I'm sorry, now I know, it won't happen ever again. I'm starting to want to give her a Chinese Burn at the very least. And then say, 'Me? Try to hurt your wrist? NO, I merely noticed it looked COLD and thought I'd kindly heat it up a bit for you!....Aww, stop making such a fuss - it didn't HURT?!... Ermahgeeerd, stop being such a SHOP-LIFTER!" (:p) "-we often argued about which directions id take when driving." YEP! TYPICAL! That means you were a GOOD driver-navigator, and good enough that you (quietly) knew it. "If i took a road she didnt like or went a back way, or did something she didnt understand/agree with/think made sense, shed get visibly upset or ask why i would do it. she would often say “i dont understand how that makes sense to you.” Er... don't get that. You'll have to be specific about what, she reckoned, didn't make sense to her? Does she let you needlessly criticise HER perfectly adequate skills? Wait...don't tell me... SHE DOESN'T DRIVE. Correct? "-she has openly stated that in a lot of cases shes not actively thinking or considering how something she says or does could affect someone unless they tell her its an issue." What - so she can know to immediately give them Word Salad back? Great... That sounds as if she switched to backpedaling and showing her belly a bit. Realised she couldn't win this one and decided she'd wait to pick it up another time (without warning and when you'll be less on-form). "-she has also said that when she is upset it makes it hard for her to empathize or sympathize with others." Yeah? What about letting you foot her rent every month? Is THAT empathetic and sympathetic with this other (you), is it? OLLOCKS EXCUSE (Blame-shifting/avoiding accountability) AGAIN! (Christ, she doesn't half talk crap! Your brain must be in knots by now?!) "-shes also cannot often see another POV until it is explained to her." Yeah, cos that way, they get exhausted and she didn't have to lift a finger to wear them out. Sorry - not 'them' - YOU. Do you know why she said 'they'? Trying to kid you that she's NOT just like this with you, behind closed doors, but just everywhere she goes....so it's NOT PERSONAL... (bloody is). "Im just lost bc she will actively admit when she is wrong (bc i am a very strong communicator) and back down, and then she goes into kind of feeling bad." Yes. Doesn't win with the slipper to tortures you with a ruler instead. Her "feeling bad" (playing victim) makes YOU feel bad. innit. So that you won't want to push in future or else make the poor wickle monster FEEW BAD, OH NOOOO. (Not to tiny to bully you and try to mind-uck you, though, is she...yeah, funny, that.) Anyway - anyone can admit. But does she correct it by never trying it again? (Altogether now: "NO"). The admission in a manner of helplessness is supposed to suffice. In reality, the narc just does it again or something just similar enough but not SO similar that you can class it as the same nature of crime as last time and the time before. True? So she shuffles it around the plate a bit and passes it off as a new dish. "One of the reasons that I feel bad or like I was a jerk is because whenever we fought, i would ask her where it came from, or i would tell her which parts of her trauma cause her to behave that way. I feel like maybe i did that too much or it was too mean or too harsh." Why do you feel that? What - because she over-reacted like it'd been? Turned an attempt to fix something(s) into a drama of an issue? If so - well, it worked, then, didn't it. Basically, she made you feel like the baddie or one in the wrong or the one picking on HER. And, not knowing what you were dealing with, you naturally took her at her word. Yup. It's how it goes. "I feel like I was beating her down. She mentioned several times that she feels like her issues trashed everything (except our romantic life—apparently that was only my choice and decision.) i guess i just feel like maybe I was too hypercritical… Was i?" Which one of you is permanently overwrought and knackered. Is it her? Which one of you is asking for help on a public forum right now. Is it her? Which ones talks sense and tries to cooperate with the other as proof they want to fix things. Is it her? She's just the one going, 'Yeah, I know I've got this/that issue, but, I can't help it so...'. YOU'RE the one going - how do I help this (situation)!?! (Feeling silly yet? WELL, THEN.) And yes, I'm sure her issue DID trash everything. But her issues run so deep they ARE her. So SHE trashed everything. But - ah - no - it's her naughty-naughty issues, all their fault! They must have somehow escaped from their little Issue-Coop! (See how they con you with subtle word choices?) And lastly - what does this even MEAN? : "(except our romantic life—apparently that was only my choice and decision.)" Is she implying what I think she's implying - i.e. you're the only one who saved your (er) relationship from drowning because you were the only one who cared enough about whether it lived or died???? RsVP. (To all 3 of me, hee-hee)

PS: Spiritual guide. PFFFF! She couldn't spiritually guide her own hand out of her own sleeve! What a pretentious con-merchant. For starters, the spirits wouldn't understand a bloody word she was supposedly saying! And Fate probably fcknates her by now. HAH! (That feels better - cheers!...needed that)

(Kevin KLINE! - that was it)

Can you, before replying to this latest, go back and answer those questions you missed before, for example, 'what real age would you put her at', please? Ta.

Hey, So thanks so much for your responses. I tried to go back and re-read. Updates: we broke up. however, we are still living together. the insults haven't stopped--and i dont think she even realizes that theyre insults. Answers: her entire childhood is fucked. the ages of 6-12 are most likely the worst. She has mentioned to me that I am not alpha enough for her, for not fulfilling her needs for physical touch and being "wined and dined." also, me putting her in her place is apparently too soft. us talking through where her bullshit comes from is not the right reaction for her. she wants me to "fuck" her attitude away. im not rough enough in the bedroom, etc. so essentially, i'm an unaffectionate wimp. now that we're broken up, i mentioned us splitting up rooms (being that we have a 3rd bedroom) and she basically got upset about not having a bed to sleep on: -I mentioned that she could take our bed (a sleep number mattress i bought for us when she moved out here) and take the payments, she said no; bc the idea of paying for a bed is crazy to her, she also cant afford it bc . [She also got pissy the first time i asked her to help pay because i didn't sit her down and explicitly say this was something we were going to split.) i told her she could take this bed and id BUY MY OWN. -I said she could sleep in the larger full bed with her daughter, she said no, she doesn't want to sleep with her kid. so now im sleeping next to my ex, who seems to refuse to leave this room bc she wouldn't have a bed....even though a bed she could've taken is here. The insults are also non-stop. just this morning, she asked me about detangler for her daughter's hair. i told her it worked great, and if she used the right brush, two hours of painful brushing could be done effortlessly in 15-30 minutes. dialogue: "howd this detangler work?" "it works great, i got her hair brushed in 15-30 minutes with the knot doctor brush." "15-30 minutes!? thats crazy!" "yeah if youd listen to me, itd be that easy lol" "its not that i dont listen, i dont have time for that. i dont have time to brush her hair! it was late at night!" "you were off that day..." "it was late that night and i didn't have time. also you could jump in--wouldnt hurt a soul." she implies that i dont help, or that im lazy, or something. it makes no fucking sense how often she does this type of shit. i just cant...

Hi again! "So thanks so much for your responses. I tried to go back and re-read." Cheers! "Updates: we broke up. however, we are still living together." Er.... Why? Am I to presume 'the usual' these days - cost of living crisis, everything cheaper divided by two? What about your mind? Do you want that split in two as well? You might have to make a hard choice. If you don't, that hard choice will make itself for you (it's how it happens, it's your inner animal, it mutineers you and you find yourself doing the Impossible. Just be aware. A 'relationship' like this can't last already she's in Devalue You mode, and there's no telling how quickly she'll hit Discard or faked discard (to traumatise you and thereby remove the last of your confidence, bravery and forebearance)). But anyway, that you've chosen to or have to stay living with her, that'll be why this: "the insults haven't stopped--and i dont think she even realizes that theyre insults." Pay close attention now - I'm just going to grab a bit of your brain and manipulate back into proper place. Read this (not kidding) 10 times: She does not NEED to *realise* that they're insults. Because you have pointed it out to her that they are. And not only that - explained it to her. To the Nth degree and for the Nth time. She does not need to realise. She *knows*. Her problem is not that she doesn't know they're insults or that she's started systematically, emotionally chipping away at your health and mental welfare. (Ok, you've got a hard shell but sooner or later, even you'll lose your full cylindry. As this very need of mine to correct your attempt to defend her, proves has already begun. She *knows*. SHE JUST...DOESN'T....CARE. That is something you need to get your head around. I know it's a head-eff but, you can't afford to self-delude during an emergency. Wakey-wakeyyyyyy...? Fair feedback? You're going to have to read up on her mentality so that you cease thinking of her as a normal human whom accordingly has the same beliefs, attitudes, desires, intentions, motivations - everything - as Normals. They absolutely don't. Defend your situation, in terms of practical constraints from leaving her, by all means - (I mean - 'I can't afford it right now' is a perfectly reasonable, sensible, legitimate reason, as too is, 'I'm not nearly ready for that') - but for the sake of your sanity, i.e. you holding onto reality rather than the warped version she's trying to prime you with and into - *don't ever* make excuses for her CHOICE of behaviour. That she chooses it, over 'asking nicely'...that 'asking nicely' is anathema to her - is the illness. She chooses it and refuses to correct it when pointed out multiply. Her illness is NOT that she's a bit Forrestina Gump (nasty version). Understand: she has to bitch, moan bully *someone* (DAILY, some of them) is her compulsion - sure. But that it is you every time, is not. She could quite easily take it out on someone else. But - nay. Because she's on a (nefarious) mission. As I say - you need to read up on it to undersstand, that - She just. Simply. Doesn't/Can't. CARE...that what she wants/needs (a secret Slave & personal, toxicity-puking toilet) For ALL obvious all the way to undercover Narcissists - "Feelings Are Facts". (And that isn't the only tenet that's upside-down or back-to-front in their warped little minds that are almost constantly crowded-out by a sick-sick ego that's got the equivalent of Prada-Willi Syndrome featuring Pica (where they compulsively eat - even the carpet or underlay, kid you not). You could tell her literally a thousand times - and all in one day - and she'd still try to shoehorn you into being JUST LIKE HER, YAYY. This is why they get called Vampires or Zombies. (And FYI, now you know what Vampire and Zombie films have always tried to represent. Ain't Rocket-Science, it's lack of time these days to think, let alone long enough to join dots.) "Answers: her entire childhood is fucked. the ages of 6-12 are most likely the worst." Can you give me more than that? What do you mean by - most likely? Are you saying - allegedly, according to her? "She has mentioned to me that I am not alpha enough for her," Well - good! What a lovely compliment (despite she means it as an insult), best compliment a man could get (from a Normal, anyway), I reckon, given how their lot, either gender, are stuck back in prehistoric times or at VERY best (can't change-won't change - don't evolve), think they're Henry/Henrietta the bloody Eighth. REAL men (and women) ARE a balance of male and female - just *predominantly* male or female. They're not supposed to be solely macho or solely feminine (our wiring was laid down, generation by generation, during a life that never allowed that luxury if you think about it because women hunted too (proof out recently)), they're supposed to have a huge nurturing, side. ...Gentle Giant, not Taz of sodding Tasmania. (Barry The Barrister's okay, though. ;) All victims (future survivors) find they have to be that!...have to FIGHT to be heard and 'understood'...for the SIMPLEST of things: "The reason why I asked YOU to hold that bag and not kiddie is because.....yadder-yadder, and I present Evidence A, Your (stinky) Honour - NOW WILL YOU BELIEVE ME AND LAY OFF WITH YOUR RIDICULOUS NIGGLING/TIRADE!... You know how it goes.) "for not fulfilling her needs for physical touch" Well, that's what the bloody test-drive was for. She's deliberately talking shite, anyway. She's just desperate to find anything to fling at you to wear you down some more - and that's all she can bloody think of to say! Get it? Example of an NSpath Ex of mine: It: Blah-blah I'll bet you're cheating on me whenever I'm not around - or have before today, anyway! Me: I'm not thick enough, weak enough nor desperate enough to cheat and you know that so cut the crap. It: Well...you MIGHT cheat on me...at some point in the future! Me: Is that how angelic I am - that you're having to literally make UP criticisms and accusations - and of things that haven't even happened and are too improbable anyway? Wow - gimmie my halo! FYI, If I felt attracted to A N Other, I'd know what that meant so would just do the right thing by ending us and then insist on a suitable period of zero contact while I was getting over you, before we got together and even thought about getting romantic. It: Oh, so that means you DON'T love me because you could END US? Me: Oh, eff-off if you're going to be so ridiculous in your attempt to pick a fight (click-brrrrrr...). They're thick....in a very cleverly devious way. Like the stuned kids in grown-up suits they are. "and being "wined and dined." (Well, how's about you don't keep giving him a cold shower or slapping him every time he attempts to be affectionate, then?) Nah. You see? They'll say anything just to basically yell in your face this: you're USELESS, you're NOT A REAL MAN, yadder-yadder-ollocks-yadder - you're inadequate. As her slave and emotional punching-bag come toxins toilet - YEAH, YOU ARE! :) So well done! :) Tell her this (if ever you lose it or just can't any longer be arsed to argue but neither want her to think she's got the better of you): "Listen, luv. If someone as cuckoo as you RATED me - I'd have to be in serious psychological trouble! So keep the endless, petty criticisms and insults over nothing, coming - they're validation de luxe!" Message: your black magic doesn't work on me, try another sucker. (And that's one way of getting them to abandon you so that you don't have to risk bruising their wickle egos nor worry about Hoovering. Make as many little low-effort quips like that as you can. Start practising in your head, using the stuff she's said in the past that you had to defensively counter 'like a barrister'.) Wining and dining her wouldn't stop her, anyway. She'd just find something ELSE to complain about. Swat Narx Do. The complaint isn't the point - the constant pecking is. ("Narcissist - death by a thousand cuts".) "also, me putting her in her place is apparently too soft." Yup. She wants to get you into the habit of yelling. She wants to brainwash you (using mostly the stick and too little carrot these days) OUT of your gentlemanly training and pull you down to even lower than her level so that she can become the superior one (right now that's you) and from there, automatically become the boss of you....over e...very...thing. (It'd be like putting a toddler in the driver's seat of a sports-car, just because you can't take any more of its OTT tantrum-ing and acting-out. Near-fatal car-crash, anyone?) "us talking through where her bullshit comes from is not the right reaction for her." HAHAHAHAHAHA! No, because that way lies you winkling out the insane truth! "she wants me to "fuck" her attitude away." What is she - BiPolar? There are meds and therapists for that. What does she think you are - her free psycho-physiotherapist? "im not rough enough in the bedroom, etc. so essentially, i'm an unaffectionate wimp." How does that work when those two needn't necessarily even be related! Anyway - roughness takes passion which takes LIKING the person because they haven't been constantantly-constantly running you down and pecking away at you - eventually tantamounting her chucking freezing cold water on you. Mmm, yeah - sexy. But again - SHE knows this, so knows it's ollocks. Merely another giant peck. Merely trying to kick the Gentlemanliness out of you (or it could just be a matter of time before you might attract other, NORMAL woman and - bang goes her Golden Goose). Next she'll be criticising you for being Black :p. (How's your Jamaican accent? LOL) "now that we're broken up," Ish. Still an achievement on your part, and very rapid, though so you still get a Gold Star on your forehead ("thlup!"). Especially as I know you mean it. Won't stop her trying to undo it, though - which is why the Ish. You're still exposed to thus vulnerable to her tricks. There are many she'll be using on you that you haven't a clue about. For example: When you have more sex, rougher sex (of the Male Fantasy variety), your brain produces more Oxytocin - the mating/nesting/cuddling instinct. IT BONDS YOU. She wants you re-Supaglued because your glue's started dissolving. Spaths are thick compared to straight Covert malignants. Therefore they rely on Love-Bombing/Re-bombing to make your brain creaete Dopamine (and friends) and Oxytocin (and friends) to re-strengthen the bond (which goes from you to them - even gets you addicted to it - but isn't two-way) the easy-peasy-lazy-squeezy way (and which is more fun for they who are in Hate & Envy You To Death mode, than (having to fake) doing something helpful or self-sacrificial just for you). They do nothing unless they gain exclusively/partially/vicariously. That and their "hypnotic effect", exclusive to Spaths (google) keeps you basically too constantly drugged-up (on Happy juice) to rear-up, as well as (now/this stage) destabilized. "i mentioned us splitting up rooms (being that we have a 3rd bedroom) and she basically got upset about not having a bed to sleep on:" (My answer to that would have been - Yeah, nice try, luv, not nice enough - we'll bloody buy one, duuh? - or - Shoulda thoughta that, Scarlet because, frankly my dear, I no longer give a damn.) "-I mentioned that she could take our bed (a sleep number mattress i bought for us when she moved out here) (What's a sleep number mattress?) Anyway, that was incredibly gentlemanly of you, all things considered. GOOD. No idiot's ever going to take THAT strength away from you, eh! "and take the payments, she said no; bc the idea of paying for a bed is crazy to her, she also cant afford it bc ." She ALSO can't afford it? Pay attention here and recalibrate: Normal person: I can't afford it. If you can't afford it then where does 'crazy' even come into it? Nah, she's just refusing to cooperate, to the degree of Obstruction. There is nothing crazy - in THIS, your enforcedly crappy situation - about paying for a bed so that you can get her the hell away from you and have time to yourself TO THINK and TO START TO RECOVER and DETACH (clue as to why she's obstructing - see it?). PS: I know you know all this but it's good to have it validated - to clear up that typical 1% of self-doubt. "[She also got pissy the first time i asked her to help pay because i didn't sit her down and explicitly say this was something we were going to split.)" She didn't know how the world works. Yeah, sure. That's what a demotion to mere housemates - and then due only to financial constraints - MEANS. Separated incl- aww, what am I doing. She knows she's talking and acting ollocks. She knows it - I can tell you know it - and now I know it (which you definitely can tell, LOL). "i told her she could take this bed and id BUY MY OWN." ANYTHIIIIIING!... JUST TO GET YOU THE UCK AWAY FROM MEEEEE. Yup, I second that emotion. -I said she could sleep in the larger full bed with her daughter, she said no, she doesn't want to sleep with her kid." Interestink. How EXACTLY did she word that? "so now im sleeping next to my ex, who seems to refuse to leave this room bc she wouldn't have a bed....even though a bed she could've taken is here." Wait until she's out. Call a mate. And move it into HER room. You are now housemates only. It is wholly inappropriate to sleep in the same bed. Plus you are Exes. Even more inappropriate. Downright crazy. SHE may not appreciate that - but you and the rest of the world do and so that is that is that. (PS: Mark of an NSpath: you, basically feeling like you have to teach them how to tie their shoelaces and how the world works. She really fits that one, doesn't she. I'll bet she's as flakey as Hell, as well - correct?) If not - start farting in bed and claim helpless innocence (and the stress she's causing you by inappropriately refusing to leave the now EX-bedroom, i.e. YOURS.) Do NOT let her have sex with you - do not, do not, do not. It's not sex anyway, it's Priming. But I suspect you're unwillingness exists and shows, HENCE: "The insults are also non-stop. just this morning, she asked me about detangler for her daughter's hair. i told her it worked great, and if she used the right brush, two hours of painful brushing could be done effortlessly in 15-30 minutes." Not painful for HER. For her daughter. A 'butter-wouldn't-melt' style of daughterly abuse IN front of you, note, so that you feel you need to step in (which bonds you tighter to daughter as well as makes you too fearful to create a situation where her daughter is left constantly alone with her). "dialogue: "howd this detangler work?" "it works great, i got her hair brushed in 15-30 minutes with the knot doctor brush." "15-30 minutes!? thats crazy!" "yeah if youd listen to me, itd be that easy lol" "its not that i dont listen, i dont have time for that." She doesn't have time to do something that is guaranteed to save her three-quarters of that time? In the words of Jim Carey: AaaaaaaaaaalRIGHTY, THEN! (When it comes to Gaslighting - she's crap but copious, ridiculous but relentless...'Can't live WITH her - can't shoot her'.) "i dont have time to brush her hair! it was late at night!" We don't have time, Madam - we make time. Especially for something that important. Or we ask our 'friendly ex' now housemate nicely to please help. Or we cut the typical Damsel In Distress act (mm-hmmm) because we recognise when it's too little, too late! "you were off that day..." "it was late that night and i didn't have time. also you could jump in--wouldnt hurt a soul." See? You could just jump in uninvited SO THAT you've 'made an investment' (applied more supaglue to yourself) AND so that she doesn't have to make herself vulnerable in front of you by asking nicely when that could invite a 'No, sorry' (Ermahgeerd, ego deeeeaaath!) "she implies that i dont help, or that im lazy, or something. it makes no fucking sense how often she does this type of shit." Hopefully, it does now? "i just cant..." You just can't what?

PS: ""so now im sleeping next to my ex, who seems to refuse to leave this room bc she wouldn't have a bed....even though a bed she could've taken is here." Wait until she's out. Call a mate. And move it into HER room. You are now housemates only. It is wholly inappropriate to sleep in the same bed. Plus you are Exes. Even more inappropriate. Downright crazy. SHE may not appreciate that - but you and the rest of the world do and so that is that is that. " Seriously. Do that. "Well, you were being unreasonable so left me no choice but to do it while you were out so as to avoid another huge drama bursting with histrionics because, in case you weren't listening the first time - I can't take that from you any more". And ANOTHER reason you ought do it is this: She wants your room. She wants you to move into the spare room. If you're going to be Separated from her then she wants it to be as uncomfortable for you as she can get away with making it. I mean - COME ON! EARTH TO HOUSTON! SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY - LITERALLY SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY? Yeah, that's relaxing and aids restful sleep, uh-huh - famous for it. Ask "Julia" or the MANY, MANY MEN who rang into Shelagh Fogarty's programme today about having been the victims of Domestic Emotional and/or Physical Abuse. PERFECTLY manly, they came across as. One even sounded like a 7ft Lumberjack! ALL WERE NATURALLY AND/OR HAD BEEN REARED TO BE VERY...VERY....(wait for it)...POLITE. As a default. And that's their and your downfall when it comes to not leaving or distancing soon enough (not you, btw). Ditto your far larger (or larger-confessing) sector of female counterparts. Welcome to the club (wry smile). Starting now: Save your politeness and considerateness and thoughtfulness for your HEALTHY, NON-narcissistic loved-ones and friends (and your ex's innocent daughter). It's just another form of effort equals energy. Your lifeforce. Which is actually limited once arrives the time when you no longer can replenish it yourself like when you were young....which is when you need people who genuinely love you because they DO (mutually) replenish. It's called Reciprocity. Something Narcs aren't interested in doing. New Mantra: "I need Radiators in my life, not Drains". PS: Real Women find true Gentlemanliness - given time to realise that genuine, it truly is - veeeery sexy. Nasty little Romantic-Con-Merchant girls, don't, though. Even MORE incentive not to let her change your strength, your 'allure', eh!

PPS: Check out your biggest leakage in your opening post - first sentance. "So i met this girl" Didn't you just. Also: No decent woman and mother would keep hurting her own 'baby's' scalp for TWO WHOLE HOURS like that! Let alone right in front of a third-party witness! See how over-cocky she is - this "poor, wee, constant victim"? (Her kid must be too used to it to have failed to "create a fuss" that you subsequently would presumably otherwise have mentioned. Is she?) Something else that wouldn't occur to you, especially when (at this 'relationship' stage) she's still subtle (or rather, the actions are covered in the copious chaos and dust she simultaneously, deliberately kicks-up (out of habit) to hide the fact, but - she has the biggest hallmark of an NSpath there is: (1) Prefering that you could conclude she's on-off a bit mentally backwards, than pick-up on her agenda - AND (2) manhandling her daughter at length like that, right in front of you. = NO SHAME! And what's one of the takeaways of that latter act, anyway? "Don't defy me or cease letting me lean on you or else the puppy gets it!"? Feels like it to me - what about you? (...Not rough enough - pff. I doubt any GENUINE, constant victim of genuinely narc boyfriends would want it any way other than strictly slow and tender EVER AGAIN!) (PS: I know she's fullosh*t. I'm just having trouble dealing with just how fullosh*t, and how non-stop, this one is!) ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ *******Google, "Narcissists (or "Narcissistic Sociopaths") - Pressing the Emotional Reset Button".****** Previews: "When narcissists try to press the emotional reset button, reinforce your boundaries even more strongly rather than backtracking on them. Remember – highly manipulative people don't respond to empathy or compassion. They respond to consequences." (- DomesticShelters.org) "Narcissists love to press the Great Relationship Reset Button. In pressing this imaginary button, the narcissist gets to waltz back into the relationship ..." (- thenarcissistpersonality.com) The Silent Treatment (gallingly misused/abused by them by not having the RIGHT to be the one sulking - that's you!) is a negative, even traumatising, Re-Set attempt, since the victim usually cracks and makes what should be the perp's apology first...anything for a quiet life (not in Opposites Land/LaLa Land with a Lalanian) (if only they knew to view it as a rare pocket of peace, including, in which to process themselves further out of the "Trauma Bond" (- google)...if only!). And one of the main ways - certainly for a "Somatic" sub-type (- google), is said "rough" (passionate and abandoned) sex to get your system going into Oxytocin & Friends-producing overdrive. Do you now see how, that 'you should shag me sweeter" statement was secretly back-to-front? ("Let's have sex to shut you up and put you happily back in your place or else I'll have to keep pecking you, which is time-consuming and boooring".) They think they can SH*G the smile back on your face! Although to be fair - while the NS still gives one about staying put thus has the Lovely Person mask ("Mask of Sanity/Respectability") firmly on - with most poor partners, it actually works. For a while. (Hence I say, no sex; that's not what normal Exes do. Ec means Ex. Renting Housemate means renting Housemate. You cease giving her ANY avenue of influence over your thinking/feelings/welfare, but especially that too-powerful one. Grit your teeth (and if she tries it on, hiss while making the sign of the cross, LOL...or keep some Pepper Spray by the bed, PMSL, that'd do it!). You say something along the lines of this to her: As we're now separated and demoted to renting housemate and live-in Landlord, that would be so incredibly inappropriate - no, thank-you but it was very kind of you to think to "offer. (Talk to her in the same tone you'd use if she were your local Vicar, popping round to say hello: 'More tea, Vicar? Lovely weather we're having, isn't it'. You do that despite she's started pecking for all she's worth and she'll switch to the Carrot - re-love-bombing you (which you must NOT take seriously as a sign she's "over her bad patch, finally" lest, again, and as per those extracts, it pushes your Reset button). Google "Grey Rock when you can't leave" because it's basically what you're trying to do - but can't, thanks to her deliberate sleeping-rearrangement obstruction attempts. Serously - order a self-assembly or already-assembled single bed via Ikea (or whomever's delivery-men will carry it upstairs for you) have her removed to the spare room, asap, Soldier- sorry - Officer! You've GOT to follow THROUGH. You SAID - separate rooms, meaning, separate beds: now do it. You don't - she'll think you're still no match for her. It's your right as her Ex now Just Housemate to do that and rightly blame her for having left you no other choice (shoulda thoughta all of this when you were pecking and accusing me of being less than a man, even useless, shouldn't ya, luv). I mean - how DARE your EX-partner who's spent god knows how long kicking the love out of you so only has herself to blame, now behaviourally refuse to move out of YOUR bed and bedroom! Who the hell does she think she is? DO YOU SEE THE GIANT ARROGANCE, SENSE OF SUPERIORITY OVER YOU ('I can MAKE YOU!...by flaunting myself nightly in front of you and beside you all night long'), AND INCREDIBLE OVER-ENTITLEMENT ('I'll do what I like')?!? Could YOU do that? I doubt it. Iknow I couldn't! "GAAAAAAAH!"....The utter TEREMITY of the womanish! (But that's n-spaths of any gender for ya). _______________________________________________________________________________________________ Try this too: Three Dangers of Female Sociopath (by site owner, once-victim, Jennifer Smith). https://www.truelovescam.com/3-dangers-of-female-sociopaths/ (Prelude to below article extracts: Your Ex hadn't got to the stage/tenure where she ripped her mask off completely, so you're only seeing still quite subtle-missable flashes of what lays beneath as overall feel quite mild compared to N-Spath's full-blown potential (so keep in mind the biggie identifier: NO SHAME). This article and others will show or help you work out you've got coming fo fail to put your foot down the entire way. And, NO, she CAN'T have your - YOUR - double bed. Again, buy her a perfectly adequate, inexpensive, single bed or modern-day futon/armchair-bed. If you buy her a double, she might do what they do when desperate to get you in a strangle-hold: shockingly-prematurely starting online dating in order to bring every guy home to torture and break you with (including, sh*g audibly over-dramatically, for hours and hours....So do have the Closing Credits Soundtrack to "9 1/2 Weeks" - or the Jerry Springer Show - available to play loudly once they're finished, LOL...taking the piss is mightily therapeutic). (And in future if someone wants you and she to cohabit (which stage, economy allowing, should normally take minimum 2 years to legitimately build up to) - it's NEW HOUSE OR RENTAL OR NO DICE, never yours...reason being what you're now finding out: YOU CAN'T WALK OUT ON HER because it's your house, and she'll do everything in her power - which, when Without Conscience, is a lot) to keep you from daring to insist SHE leave (and sod her rental because you instead can immediately get yourself a lodger or TWO lodgers thereby becomig better-off in many more ways than the one). You could tell her you could remain her platonic friend and occasional helper (so that you can keep an eye to ensure her daughter's okay. Alternatively, start Nanny-Cam-ing NOW to colllect evidence if necessary. And PS, brushing kiddy-typically-tangly hair is NOT rocket-science: you Condition well, 'divide' the head hair into left and right, and comb each side while wet from the ends up - inch section by inch section - better, still, using one of those new de-tangling brushes.) OR, you shift her into said spare room (2 singles, bunkbed, two armchair-beds, put a dividing curtain up) AND move a lodger into what was daughter's room. Reckon it wouldn't be too long until she found some poor online sucker to even ore prematurely move-in with. Again - poison the well (and be boring...fail to provide any Narc Supply...Grey Rock). That's how you get rid of irritating, disturbing Ticks of the insect variety, and it works for the sub-human types too. Anyhoo - back to Jennifer on Female NSpaths - extracts: "Female sociopaths exist. Big time. In their empty souls they’re the same as any sociopath. They do use feminine charm to take and to ruin. Female sociopaths aka narcissists and male sociopaths possess the same malfunctioning brain that leaves their hearts barren. They have no love, no genuine care or concern for anyone besides themselves. It’s a reality, no matter what century we’re in, no matter the culture, though in some cultures far more than others that we expect women to be loving and nurturing mothers and loyal and monogamous and assume they are. The unexpectedness of encountering a woman who is the antithesis of all this to the point of bare evil is traumatic. It sends us spinning into a prolonged state of disbelief. To be fair, encountering any sociopath is traumatic: even when we don’t know that they’re a sociopath. There is undeniably an extra jolt when we do realize the person in front of us is a sociopath and female. This natural and normal disbelief on our part, buys them further time to wreak havoc in the lives of their prey. That expectation of women beign sweet and lovig and sugar and spice is used as a tool by female sociopaths. Let me give a shout out to what’s real: most women are nurturing and loving. And – news flash – so are most men. Normal Sees the World Through Normal: That’s Normal The gorgeous humans, who fall into the traps of a sociopath aka who fall into the traps of a narcissist, are some of the most amazing humans on the planet. he men who fall into this hell are incredible – as are the women… this though, is a case for so many of us who feel “there are no good men out there“. I’m here to tell you that there are. There are indeed good men. The one’s who I work with in recovery sessions blow me away with their kindness, their pride in monogamy, their respect for women, and their huge hearts. Good men exist – and the female sociopaths who prey upon them count upon this goodness to twist them around. – This is how every sociopath works. Our normal, our innate goodness and human qualites are snatched up and used to swing us like a cat by its tail." Writer-site-owner Jennifer Smith was unfortunately targetted and wed by a BIG scammer, but a Silver-Spoon type ...or pretend silvr-spoon type, more like. You have to have been brought up by narcs in a sociopathic (petty crook/scammer) neighbourhood to become a narc-spath...surrounded by aholes and immoral sharks - usually sexually abused by a trusted parent/guardian/relative/family friend on top (and not believed, usually because the other parent is already constantly too overwrought and overloaded to be capable of taking it on and dealing with it, added to which, hasn't yet realised/found-out their 'Prince/Princess' is NOT ONE IOTA the angel they pretended too convincingly for too long to be, including the damn, seemingly giantly-committing actions). (Not all experts agree, NPD research is still in its infancy, so I would advise to ignore for now her belief (or new attempt to Keep It Simpler?) that all Narcs are Narc-Sociopaths and it's just about degrees of severity. Nay. It's not a sliding scale, it's Floor One - Toys - 'promoted' to Floor Two - D.I.Y., 'promoted' to Floor Three - Construction Equipment (don't ask, LOL), with 'deteriorating' brains as a result (new evidence: already half-demented, malig NPDs have a tendency to slide into full Dementia). And N-Spaths are nothing like the cool-cucumbers that are Psychopaths (this case, turned bad). (It's so easy to break a kid's brain like that and yet any sick idiot is allowed to produce a kid. Makes me so mad.) Aaaanyhoo - hope that helps you and any lurkers in your stinky boat? What's her kid like, in your opinion?