Idk what to do anymore

I’m a 42 yr old female that’s been married for 15 years. My husband has bipolar disorder and mood disorders. I have severe anxiety and depression. Undiagnosed adhd or more. My so hasn’t worked since 2011. He is diabetic and got an infection in his foot and almost lost it and then couldn’t work for a few years. We have 2 kids that were just babies at the time and I had a steady job working for an attorney. So he became a sahd. We have been having lots of issues with mood swings and such. I let it go on for way too long. When it started effecting the kids I have been trying to remedy it. He’s been on meds and so have I. Here’s the problem. Whenever we have a fight which is at least once a week nothing gets resolved and it just goes back to the same stuff. He doesn’t have anything. No job, car, money, family, friends. I’ve told him that if we don’t start getting therapy as a family at the new year ( insurance reasons) that he needs to go. But how do I do that when he has nothing and nowhere? Everyone says it’s not my problem and not to worry but I will feel terrible. Idk what to do. It’s so tense and stressful

Hi We-......I'M NOT CALLING YOU "WET BLANKET"?!? You insult yourself, you ain't getting any help from me?! ;p Wet Blankets don't have the balls to post on a public forum, so - let's start again, shall we (and DON'T insult yourself in future....WHERE OR WHO DID YOU GET THAT BAD-THOUGHT/SELF-ABUSE-HABIT FROM, EH?)?... Hi WB! :) "I’m a 42 yr old female that’s been married for 15 years. My husband has bipolar disorder and mood disorders. I have severe anxiety and depression. Undiagnosed adhd or more." YOU have ADHD - or he does? "My so hasn’t worked since 2011." Woah! " He is diabetic and got an infection in his foot and almost lost it" Oh my beeping god! "and then couldn’t work for a few years. We have 2 kids that were just babies at the time and I had a steady job working for an attorney. So he became a sahd." Uh-oh... Sorry, but I happen to know this: Conscious Us have too many ideas above our station when it comes to defying our inner animals, our truer natures that have been genetically alive for FAR-FAR-FAR-FAAAR longer than our brain-Neocortices ("Me"). Pairbonding is a biological-computer-programme that is VERY ANCIENT... it doesn't understand Extreme Role Reversal. Cut a long story short - it seems like a good idea at the time but - cut a long story short - the (inner, hairy) male inevitably ends up feeling Emasculated - and the woman feels TOO MASCULINE (ergo, non-feminine, non-sexy) as well as deprived of her feminine urge to be the one in-charge of the kids. Me, I don't even agree with Mothers WORKING (if they don't have to or don't want to)... being a Mother IS a full-time job, in fact, mentally at least, it's 24-bloody-7! It suits governments, yeah (ker-ching!) to have you paying Income Tax as well as the male workforce - but what about the bairns? He's ill for starters, so he's NOT going to be able to be as good as a stay-at-home Mum. That again, will make him feel bad: not even good enough to do what a woman can do! (Me, I'd have from the start suggested he switch to part-time work from home, say, over the web? Just to keep his manly, instinctual urge to be Main Provider at least HALF-satisfield. ...But neither of you were to know that. You surf into it, you'll see...something like, the psychological effects of working women with stay-at-home husbands'. If no luck - tell me and I'll find it for you.) This is a 'nice', long spiral of Catch 22, isn't it, really, where you both feel constantly 'uncomfortable', 'wrong' and 'cheated'. And this will affect your mental-emotional states as will exacerbate your thoughts and worries as will in turn exacerbate the former....round, down, round, down... And now you're nearing the Crash. Something has to change. And asap (emphasis on p). "We have been having lots of issues with mood swings and such. I let it go on for way too long. When it started effecting the kids I have been trying to remedy it. He’s been on meds and so have I." What effect has it had on, as has been affecting, the kids? (free-of-charge, unwanted grammar-correction, haha - forgive me) ************ "Here’s the problem. Whenever we have a fight which is at least once a week" WOAH! Couples Counselling - quick! "nothing gets resolved" Uh-oh - potential Red Flag Alert!!! Go into details please....as lengthy as you like. How they start - who starts them - who refuses to cooperate - how the fights go....ALL OF THAT, please. (And BEFORE you find a counsellor....counselling may not be able to work, depending on what you tell me - be brutally honest, please.) "and it just goes back to the same stuff." Ditto Alert! "He doesn’t have anything. No job, car, money, family, friends." Potential GIANT Red Flag Alert!!! Details again, please... when and how this descent began, in context of his medical events. ************ "I’ve told him that if we don’t start getting therapy as a family at the new year ( insurance reasons) that he needs to go. But how do I do that when he has nothing and nowhere?" What do you mean? Sorry, didn't get that. "Everyone says it’s not my problem and not to worry but I will feel terrible." Again - huh, what? "Idk what to do. It’s so tense and stressful" Okay, don't worry - you're here now. Relax. We're not speedy (low on respondents) but replies are only ever a case of By When, not "If". RsVP (but have a good, long think and surf first).

PS: Important: Who calls or used to call you a Wet Blanket? Also: "My so" Tell me what's remarkable about that, what's missing, as in, as opposed to how it's normally typed. (Not a criticism, just a meaningful observation.)

Oh, wait - ""I’ve told him that if we don’t start getting therapy as a family at the new year ( insurance reasons) that he needs to go. But how do I do that when he has nothing and nowhere? Everyone says it’s not my problem and not to worry but I will feel terrible." I get it. Tell him to move out/get divorced. So you already know he's a "problematic element - non-curable - correct?.... And you recognise that, notwithstanding sympathy and understanding about his medical and emotional state - he has been basically indulging in it....milking it - yes?.... and through that, has been drip-drip-drip BRINGING YOUR FAMILY WELFARE AND FINANCIAL SECURITY DOWN - yes? Are you aware that ADHD usually makes you related to Aspergics? Cousins, if you like? And that Aspies are very much drawn to worklives that involve clear-cut roles and scripts (no tongue-tied ad-libbing and normal social improvisation required - all pre-written for you). You're a big Giver/Tolerator and he's turned out to be the distinct opposite - Taker/Zero Tolerance - yes? I notice you said 'had' a job. Do you still have it?