Relationship advice - I think I am living with a narcissist

I am just going to cut and paste an email I sent to my bf of 4 years. I am at my wits end with all his mind games. Anyway after my email I will cut and paste his response. Tell me if he is right. Maybe I am the narcissist. He makes me feel like I am losing my mind. My email: “ I am going to say something I will probably regret but I am going to be open and honest and put myself in a very vulnerable position. I believe that I do not apologize because the few times that I have you have gone on to make such a bigger deal out of the situation. You tend to continue fighting and arguing after I have apologized making me feel worse about myself. I don’t think I should ever feel bad for doing the right thing but that is exactly how I feel. I think for so long you put me upon this pedestal thinking I was perfect and never screwed up that once I did you reveled in it. It’s like once I made a major mistake and acknowledged and apologized for it you would not let it go. You kept saying things like I used to always think you were better than me but you’re not. You’re not perfect. Even though I never said I was perfect. But when I finally made the major mistakes that I made a year and a half ago you have acted this way when I make a mistake. When someone apologizes to you and is sincere and shows through their actions their sincerity by not repeating their mistakes the mistakes should be forgiven; not forgotten but forgiven. That’s not the way it happened with you. It’s like you got some sort of pleasure hearing me admit my mistakes and apologize for them. You then went on for weeks about how I am not perfect and how you knocked me off my high horse. You told me things like “how could you lie to me like this? I always thought you were better than me.” This went on for weeks. You made me feel so bad about myself that I never wanted to apologize for anything to you ever again. Unfortunately that’s what I have done. Even when I screw up I never want to be put through what I went through again for owning my mistakes and apologizing. When someone steps up and owns their mistakes and has the ability to be the bigger person and say they are sorry and they show their their actions that they are doing everything they can to not repeat their mistakes I was taught that they should be respected for owning their mistakes and forgiven. But with you that’s not what happened. I felt stripped of my dignity for admitting I made mistakes and you wouldn’t accept my apology at first which you had every right to refuse but this was the first time I had really messed up in a major way. This was after you had been cheating on me and lying to me while I was not even working anymore. This was after I have forgiven you over and over again for all the shitty things you had been doing behind my back. I made a series of bad decisions and you were ready to kick me to the curb, which you eventually did. This taught me a lesson and quickly that I should never own my mistakes and apologize for them because I will be chastised for weeks and most likely you will end our relationship over it which is the opposite of what usually happens when someone owns their mistakes and apologizes. So you are right I have gotten to a point with you where I stopped accepting my mistakes and apologizing for them for 2 major reasons: 1. Because you never did. You were cheating on me, sexting with other women, lying to me constantly and even when you got caught you would act so callous and cold hearted never admitting to anything. You just had this attitude about you that said you don’t like it then you can leave. I don’t give a fuck. 2. And also because of what I stated above because you took my apology and reveled in just the thought that I made a mistake and owned it. You made me feel like I was weak for owning my mistakes and apologizing to you for what I had done. I hope I did not make a mistake here by opening up and admitting to you that you are right I have refused to accept responsibility for things I have done which was wrong no matter what my reasoning for it was. I am not blaming you for anything. I just wanted to give you the details as to why I chose to stop taking responsibility for my mistakes. But I am owning it now and sincerely apologizing. I just hope you don’t take this as another opportunity to bash me for doing what I should have done a long time ago by admitting to not taking responsibility for my mistakes. I love you. And again I am sorry. ” Here is his response: “So you get to blame me for the mistakes you've made and now even blame me for not apologizing. But anything I've ever said that was similar has been thrown back in my face as bullshit excuses by you. I don't even know what mistakes your even referencing but I'm guessing that's the point.  Sherri I thank you for apologizing (even though idk what for & you've basically blamed me now for ur mistakes and not apologizing) but how is it fair that you've been able to do this to me and yet tou can't see how this type of shit has led me to make shit decisions and hurt you then vice versa! I have had to go thru my thought processes w you and you've been able to get confirmation on things whereas Idk what ur even apologizing for and have basically been told to just accept that you apologized and move on so that u don't regret doing it. Do you think you do the same for me? Because you don't. But fine thanks for the blanket apology w no specifics so I have no idea what you actually are admitting you did wrong. I feel so much better now.” Lastly my response to him: “ Wow. Yeah there is no winning with you. I am done. We are done. You really need to get some help. The way you treat people is so fucked up. I did the right thing in this email. I never blamed you. I explained to you why I did what I did. Why I made the decisions that I made. You would not have been happy if I had just apologized without giving you an explanation to help you understand why I made the decisions that I made. That would not have given you enough information for closure but closure is not what you are wanting. You just want to keep this toxic cycle moving. I am out. I love you. I have done everything I can do on my own. I see no other options. I am sorry. I will always love you but you are dead set on staying unhappy. I made the choice to quit for the good of our relationship and that still didn’t make you happy. You still bitched. So you are on your own to find the happiness that you are looking for because it’s obvious you do not want to be happy with me. It is 10:43am, I will not respond to anymore emails and texts having to do with us and our relationship. If you need to talk about anything other than our relationship just text me and I will respond but only if it has to do with anything except us. I love you”

'You were cheating on me, sexting with other women, lying to me constantly and even when you got caught you would act so callous and cold hearted never admitting to anything. You just had this attitude about you that said you don’t like it then you can leave. I don’t give a fuck.' It really doesn't matter what he is or what you are but this bit of your post says it all. Your relationship is buggered & basically done & dusted. You may walk away; you have permission to so because you can give yourself that permission without having to make excuses to & for him via email. You need to understand, the longer emails are, the less likely they get read & digested properly. If you can't speak to him face to face then don't bother. Your 'man' could be a lot of things, but if he's a cheater then just leave it be because once it happens, it'll always be likely to happen again & again. Ask yourself if you need the grief, then ask yourself if that's the proper way a successful relationship works. His manipulation & control of it all could well his way of explaining his behaviour, but you don't have to put up with it & be with a guy who barely respects you. 'It is 10:43am, I will not respond to anymore emails and texts having to do with us and our relationship. If you need to talk about anything other than our relationship just text me and I will respond but only if it has to do with anything except us.'....do yourself a favour & don't respond to anything from him full stop. Be kind to yourself young lady & walk away.

I haven't read yet - only Manalone's reply - but I understand the need to know what he is, so...let's have a hawk-eyed lookie, shall we?... (FYI: Deliberately not reading ahead further than a para at a time so that I can react with my fut first and analyse second...) "I am just going to cut and paste an email I sent to my bf of 4 years." You little beauty - excellent thinking! This is my forte...hearing you speak to him, even textually, (don't ask me how, but) I can climb inside your head really quickly and feel how he'd made you feel. Same for if you paste his replies (which would be even better) (hint-hint lol). "I am at my wits end with all his mind games." Well, already - that's a cast-iron strong piece of evidence for the prosecution, if ever I heard one! "Anyway after my email I will cut and paste his response." Oh, you HAVE done it. EXCELLEEEENT! "Tell me if he is right." Will do. "Maybe I am the narcissist." You've just eliminated yourself from the possibility with this statement AND the fact of your pasting-in (no Narc would do that - not without doctoring it to serve his/her false claim to innocence anyway....and if doctored - I'd definitely feel/hear it). You ALSO eliminated yourself from the possibility from the fact you WANT AND NEED other people to hear your otherwise private email exchanges. Anyway, I'll shut up now because I'm itching to see it! "He makes me feel like I am losing my mind." Prosecution: 2 Defense: 0 (so far) (Don't worry - you won't lose it...you're too tough and brave - it's obvious already. Means HE might, though, haha!) _________________________________________________________________________________________________________- My email: “ I am going to say something I will probably regret but I am going to be open and honest and put myself in a very vulnerable position." You shouldn't need a "One, two, three, JUMP" 'loin-girding' to get vulnerable with him. It'd be like, undressing and asking him not to kick you in an intimate place. The fact you do, speaks volumes. He's not encouraged trust in you and/or has been smashing whatever got built up, prior. Plus the fact you say 'something I will probably regret' likewise shows that it isn't outside the scope of possibility that your so-called Trusted One might well, in fact, use your bravery against you by responding in a way that seriously humiliates and badly chips your confidence. Translated, it means, For god's sake don't hurt me (again). (You don't sound even remotely like a Narc - opposite of, more like! - what on earth gave you THAT idea?) "I believe that I do not apologize because the few times that I have you have gone on to make such a bigger deal out of the situation." MONOLITHIC RED FLAG - CASE CLOSED! FINDING FOR THE PROSECUTION (you). That was easy? But from now, while I'm down there (at his level), I'll analyse the eff out of him for you... "You tend to continue fighting and arguing after I have apologized making me feel worse about myself." Shite, he's a big-un. Already sounding like, not just a Malignant Narc but the giant - the Narc-Sociopath (N-Spath/Narcopath). They plan (Machievellis) and needlessly crank up the stress and pain out of schadenfreud and sadism, to the point where they ignore your concrete evidence AND CONCRETE OLIVE-BRANCH - as you've just shown. Now I know why you're worried that EVEN YOU could go mad. Not if you get the eff away from "it" in-time...which it sounds like you're halfway towards (and who'd blame you...just these first two descriptives are telling enough at what a nasty-nasty human being he is). It basically shows you that he enjoys winding you up and stressing you out, so much so that he'll IGNORE any evidence or any sane obligation (in reaction to your sincere apology) to cease with the arguing and hostility in order to keep dragging it out. Sadist. HUUUGE psychological and emotional bully. It's his madness, not yours. It could infect you but as soon as you cut contact and go No Contact (zero), your spaghettified brain readjusts itself slowly and steadily as you grieve, back into its prior, correct state, yet keeping any USEFUL new neural pathways (like, how to know you've spotted or FELT a Narc if there's a next time) (it's purely a lottery, there's nothing wrong with you...any victim has anything 'wrong' with them, just makes their job that bit easier, that's all, meaning, they attract the extra-lazy controller-bullies. There's only "something wrong with you" if/whenever you're in the close company of a Narc. THEY are what's wrong with you and all other victims.... just thought I'd deal with that one because I know it'll have been bugging you). "I don’t think I should ever feel bad for doing the right thing but that is exactly how I feel." Well said. Very sanely said. AND...said LIKE A LADY. Very dignified, considering. "I think for so long you put me upon this pedestal thinking I was perfect and never screwed up that once I did you reveled in it. It’s like once I made a major mistake and acknowledged and apologized for it you would not let it go. You kept saying things like I used to always think you were better than me but you’re not. You’re not perfect. Even though I never said I was perfect. But when I finally made the major mistakes that I made a year and a half ago you have acted this way when I make a mistake. When someone apologizes to you and is sincere and shows through their actions their sincerity by not repeating their mistakes the mistakes should be forgiven; not forgotten but forgiven." Do you want a job as an advisor? You really are an amazing writer - anyone ever told you that? I can really hear your utter despair. This is his ACTUAL very last chance, isn't it. Your BESEECHMENT ("Pleeease - this time hear my heart so you will realise this is serious, you have to finally get REAL!"). (Been there, done that...as have most here.) "That’s not the way it happened with you. It’s like you got some sort of pleasure hearing me admit my mistakes and apologize for them." There we go! But not 'it's like'. As I said - HE DOES. You're really deeply intuitive and astutely insightful, aren't you. I'm serious - Please would you be an advisor here? (It's probably too soon to ask, but - think about it? Honestly, you are a fantastically articulate and emoto-communicative writer...VERY powerful.) (At least write a book? I'd buy it?) "You then went on for weeks about how I am not perfect and how you knocked me off my high horse." High horse! Case Even "Closeder"! ("Yooou perfect smug bizc!") Google - "Narcissist - Pathological Envy" / " Jealousy"...and about how the very qualities that initially make you ATTRACTIVE to them, then become - once their corrupt mental programme comes off its rails - the qualities that irritate and infuriate the eff out of them.) Bet you never used to make mistakes.... until you got involved with him (It). "You told me things like “how could you lie to me like this? I always thought you were better than me.” I'll tell him why! Because of how you over-react and make such a drama out of even the slightest things, ya tw*t. And because she's not suibloodycidal. And what's this, better than me shite anyway? What kind of man wants someone superior when everyone healthy KNOWS you've got to, overall, weight-for-weight, be EQUAL for any romantic - or any kind of partnership to get anywhere! Answer: a Narc. The more impressive or almost-perfect you are/have striven your whole life to be - the more satisfying it is to bring you down. Especially when you add in the height of that ruddy pedestal. "This went on for weeks." Oh, well, you got off LIGHTLY then! They can go for YEARS! It's like this: They need an excuse to keep having a go at you (henpecking...which isn't as harmless as the word makes it sound, you know). Trouble is - if you actually ARE a (human level) Angel, they either have to make stuff up...make something happen and make some convoluted, contrived crime out of it, or literally make up something insane. Example from my ex Dark Triad nutjob...he was (ref Sandra M. Brown's classification) "Combo Man" (narcissised and sociopathised, paranoid, Psychopath, yayy): "Well......You may not have cheated on me so far. But...one day you COULD..." And that's when I realised I was an Angel. He couldn't even scrape the barrel - there was NOTHING in there that he could fling at me - no dirt, no transgressions, nada! So he had to make something up, no matter how ludicrous! All in his endeavours to wind me up and keep me wound up (- failed...owned). But - have you ever heard anything so ridiculous in your life? Particularly when it's too obvious to everyone how anti-(gratuitous, needless) cheating I am... (whereas if it's your only available Taxi out of a fauxlationship incarceration with an N-Spath - go for it, is what I say! Who cares HOW the victim escapes, as long as they do!) "You made me feel so bad about myself that I never wanted to apologize for anything to you ever again. Unfortunately that’s what I have done." Well, of course it did and of course it is. That's what he's been trying to do - LOWER YOUR CALIBRE...turn you from an Angel into a very much tainted one who, just like him, lies (but because she has to) and doesn't ever apologise (but because she's been retrained to expect it to lead to tears). There starts the slippery slope (because, in time, the habit can expand and spill onto your other relationships). N-Spaths aren't just trying to make you FEEL bad (long-term), they're trying to LITERALLY BRING you down (hopefully permanently). Trying to send you down the plughole...drip by drip. "Even when I screw up I never want to be put through what I went through again for owning my mistakes and apologizing. When someone steps up and owns their mistakes and has the ability to be the bigger person and say they are sorry and they show their their actions that they are doing everything they can to not repeat their mistakes I was taught that they should be respected for owning their mistakes and forgiven." This aligns exactly, with the known symptoms of a Narc victim... there's a meme for it...basically says - If ever you find yourself having to explain, repeatedly, to another grown adult, how the world or relationships work - (I call it, teaching them to tie their shoelaces) - then, RUN. (Remember that and never do it again. Malignants know perfectly well, right from wrong. They enjoy being outside of any kinds of laws, including social. They don't need telling - they just get off on you believing they do and wasting your breath...your energy... they like you knackered, unable to put up much of a fight. They enjoy making you cry...it makes them feel big and clever (how insane is that!...try it on for size and wonder in awe at the extent of his serious psychological disturbance - on ALL levels of motivation and wanted results. When WE make someone cry, we feel TERRIBLE and immediately try to reverse the situation and make up for it!). "But with you that’s not what happened. I felt stripped of my dignity for admitting I made mistakes and you wouldn’t accept my apology at first which you had every right to refuse but this was the first time I had really messed up in a major way. This was after you had been cheating on me and lying to me while I was not even working anymore. This was after I have forgiven you over and over again for all the shitty things you had been doing behind my back." Yup. "Narcissist - Gross Hypocrisy" (aka, Dual Standards....but not even dual: all the rules for you exclusively...they will create then break rules simply because it suits them and the present situation. E.g. the physical batterers will smack the innocent partner in the mouth for answering back, but the next day, smack the partner in the mouth for not replying. You can't win against a nutter who isn't party to reality (just gross delusions) and shuns the rest, basically. Which - note - is WHY he shunned and ignored your apologies...they didn't suit his need to emotionally and psychologicall beat you up again. This way, 'what goes up', DOESN'T come down...which is one of the anchors you rely on TO stay healthy-minded.) "I made a series of bad decisions and you were ready to kick me to the curb, which you eventually did. This taught me a lesson and quickly that I should never own my mistakes and apologize for them because I will be chastised for weeks and most likely you will end our relationship over it which is the opposite of what usually happens when someone owns their mistakes and apologizes. So you are right I have gotten to a point with you where I stopped accepting my mistakes and apologizing for them for 2 major reasons: 1. Because you never did. You were cheating on me, sexting with other women, lying to me constantly and even when you got caught you would act so callous and cold hearted never admitting to anything. You just had this attitude about you that said you don’t like it then you can leave. I don’t give a fuck." Did you find it too hard to believe him, due to how intense his pursuit of and craziness over you had for too long been before he inexplicably started to down tools?....and believed if you just kept working hard enough, you'd get Lovely Him back? That's usually why Triers, try, try, try, try, try, try again. They know that, NORMALLY, if you just keep battling away - you're bound to hit success, just a matter of time. ...Yeah. But not when whatever you're trying to crack involves a nutter, no. That's not 'normally'. You weren't to know though. One doesn't EXPECT to get bitten by a deadly Tarantula or Snake in the heart of a Siberian Winter - or mauled by a Polar Bear on a Caribbean island, eh. "2. And also because of what I stated above because you took my apology and reveled in just the thought that I made a mistake and owned it. You made me feel like I was weak for owning my mistakes and apologizing to you for what I had done." There you go. They twist your positives into negatives, and use your (normally) strengths against you by turning them (abnormally) into weaknesses. Another 'it fits'. (The Counsel for the Defence is now cringing in embarrassment and humiliation, FYI.) "I hope I did not make a mistake here by opening up and admitting to you that you are right I have refused to accept responsibility for things I have done which was wrong no matter what my reasoning for it was. I am not blaming you for anything." Well - unless you tell me you've ended up behaving like this in every single relationship you've ever held - YOU SHOULD blame him. He IS to blame. There is no Co-Creativity (- google) with a Narc. Therefore, you were allowed no responsibility. Therefore, you had none, ergo, it's not possible for you/any victim to be to blame. Not for ANY of it. Psychological FACT (no arguing!). "I just wanted to give you the details as to why I chose to stop taking responsibility for my mistakes. But I am owning it now and sincerely apologizing. I just hope you don’t take this as another opportunity to bash me for doing what I should have done a long time ago by admitting to not taking responsibility for my mistakes. I love you. And again I am sorry. ” You do NOT love him. Because Him doesn't exist. This, now, is what he was hiding at the start - until safely, irreversibly latched onto you / you safely hooked (and a Narc's hooks are abnormally huge and serious...and serrated). All I'm hearing is basically - please don't make me have to reverse out of this set of giant hooks if it's NOT necessary...before it's too late and I risk getting ripped open...if you really, really care? "Here is his response:" Okay, Houston - I'm going in...wish me luck! (Dons hazmat suit and helmet...) _______________________ “So you get to blame me for the mistakes you've made and now even blame me for not apologizing." Huh???? He's straight away twisted it, look! You've just explained in minute detail HOW he's to blame because how he treated your apologies giant-dissuaded you from getting a custard-pie (laced with acid) in your face each and every time (oh, what am I doing - I'M explaining how the world works to him now!...jeez, gimmie the gun - I see what you mean...HE'S ENFURIATING! He's just refusing to see it! He's too busy, too intent on, playing the victim. (The Sky is NOT Blue, it is Green with Purple Stripes.) DENIAL. "But anything I've ever said that was similar has been thrown back in my face as bullshit excuses by you. I don't even know what mistakes your even referencing but I'm guessing that's the point." YES, *DEAR*, BECAUSE *YOU* - UNLIKE HER - WERE NOT *JUSTIFIED* IN YOUR (COOKED-UP) DEFENCE! IS MUMMY THERE? CAN I TALK TO MUMMY NOW, PLEASE! Oh.....fffff......NeedHelp......JUST...CHUCK HIM, PLEASE! (And change your locks etc.) "Sherri I thank you for apologizing" TOO LATE IN THE EMAIL, LUV - TOO LATE! WON'T WORK NOW! But you know that, don't you, you mind-f**king little fire-starter. (Obviously, I'm talking to him, here). I hate him already. That's a super-giant Red Flag all its own. Anyway...the fact he's in instant succession, gone Kick....Lick... (typical Spath), shows me that he's ham-fisted (Spath).. and because of it, overshoots (Spath)....then has to do something to tone it down a bit (Spath). (Probably he'll crank it up again in a minute....) "(even though idk what for & you've basically blamed me now for ur mistakes and not apologizing) but how is it fair that you've been able to do this to me and yet tou can't see how this type of shit has led me to make shit decisions and hurt you then vice versa!" Blame-Shifting mixed with Projecting (and outrageous degree of Twisting). Spath stylee. Spath. Noticing his (fake) whingy tone (it's real with Covert-Vulnerables but deliberately copied by Overt-Covert-allvert N-Spaths). Noticing you've "done" to him. But that he's actually "hurt you" (which "you made him do"). Don't worry. Anyone who knows anything about NPD-AsPD can see through his BS perfectly easily. In fact, even anyone who DOESN'T will be unable to HELP but pick up on all the contradictions (but between distant angles - i.e. joining A to T - backwards, instead of forwards to B...if that makes sense..... probably not, because there isn't a language that CAN make sense when the Narc is THIS far gone from reality). How old is he? I mean - so far he sounds like a 13-year-old in terms of illogic and incongruence, but the way he speaks - about 30-somthing? So it's hard to tell yet. He sounds quite Chavvy, though ('this shit n shit') (use your Big Boy words, there's a dear). "I have had to go thru my thought processes w you and you've been able to get confirmation on things" Such as WHAT? NOTE, THEY NEVER SAY! He's had ample chances to do so but - nope, not once! Substantiation, to a Malig. Narc, means...well, f**k-all, actually! Again - sky is Greeeeeen. (Your - pffff! - boyfriend is utterly ludicrous and SO OBVIOUSLY incredibly immature. Wow, he must have had to act his SOCKS OFF during the Love-Bombing stage, to make you believe he was a genuinely grown-up man!) "whereas Idk what ur even apologizing for and have basically been told to just accept that you apologized and move on so that u don't regret doing it. Do you think you do the same for me? Because you don't." Whaat? Again - something specific would be helpful? Also...serious-serious email exchange, one would think? But he's using Idk and u. Normal people - even hard texters - don't do that. Maybe by text (if theyre 20yrs old). But not by EMAIL *and* it's serious, as in, Crunch Time (you'd think!). "But fine thanks for the blanket apology w no specifics so I have no idea what you actually are admitting you did wrong. I feel so much better now.” ****Well, that bit is or seems to be true, actually. What DID you do? RSvP (unless it's explained below).**** Well, anyway. He's already ADMITTED you (once) were (probably you still are) "BETTER THAN HIM" - and no victim feels that at the start; they believe they've finally met their EXACT EQUAL...their counterpart....soulmate (don't mean me, haha). So - what's he trying to prove, anyway? _______________________ "Lastly my response to him:" (Good! Otherwise I'd need to!) “Wow. Yeah there is no winning with you. I am done. We are done. You really need to get some help. The way you treat people is so fucked up. I did the right thing in this email. I never blamed you. I explained to you why I did what I did. Why I made the decisions that I made." True. "You would not have been happy if I had just apologized without giving you an explanation to help you understand why I made the decisions that I made." Wait a min because, to be fair, yes you've explained you apologised and still do, for WHAT you did but, he's correct that you haven't named the supposed crimes, specifically - e.g. after I found out you'd cheated, I got drunk and got-off with another bloke. Yes? So I'm still wondering what these crimes on your part were? Be honest with me. Did you write this, KNOWING you were going to post it here to see if any of us could see and appreciate what you could? Do you suppose he could SENSE that and that's why he's pissed-off that you're not NAMING your crimes? I must admit... I think, with their keen predator and prey-reading skills, he WOULD be able to tell it was written for witnesses. Certainly, I myself could (mine are even keener) (which is why I get out unscathed every time, as opposed to them), and did find myself wondering if you'd written it in such a way that a friend could check it afterwards?...but that they hadn't been helpful enough so brought it here to us instead? I think you're going to need to say. But you're too non-unique, putting it mildly, in a sea of zillions of people (we're international) to be identifiable so - confess away! "That would not have given you enough information for closure but closure is not what you are wanting. You just want to keep this toxic cycle moving. I am out. I love you. I have done everything I can do on my own. I see no other options. I am sorry." Aww. :( I do, wholeheartedly, know you're the genuine, healthy victim here because you're talking exactly like one and haven't dropped the ball even once, the way the guilty party does - bar what you did (but you qualify too much for benefit of the doubt on that, anyway). And I know how deeply from the heart that para has come because I can REALLY feel it and that wouldn't happen if it'd been written purely or predominantly from the head. It seems too much like it's not you, not even partly, let alone jointly. "I will always love you but you are dead set on staying unhappy." Universal INNOCENT Victim statement - there we go again with positive proof. "I made the choice to quit for the good of our relationship and that still didn’t make you happy. You still bitched. So you are on your own to find the happiness that you are looking for because it’s obvious you do not want to be happy with me." Ohhh. You quit weed or smoking. (Correct?) Well, it's pretty normal for them to drive their victims to SOME sort of crutch and way to even temporarily 'opt out' of the nightmare, not to mention, attempt to self-medicate. But I'll reserve judgement until you enlighten me on that score. "It is 10:43am, I will not respond to anymore emails and texts having to do with us and our relationship. If you need to talk about anything other than our relationship just text me and I will respond but only if it has to do with anything except us. I love you” Haaaang on a cotton pickin' minute. That was a cop-out at the end there. How is it Over if you're saying - my door is always open? You know darn well he'll just over-use that liberty. How is that you and he being Over? And ENDING WITH I Love You? Oh, come onnnnn. Are you serious about dumping him or not? If I'm not taking your so-called missive and conviction seriously now - how the hell will he be? EX MEANS EX. It's not - Oh, him, he's my E. Nor is it, He's my X. IT'S EX - every single contact avenue and alleyway, now CEMENTED CLOSED. *sigh* It was going so well and then you lost your bottle. Right, then: ONE question and ONLY one before I'll proceed: How many times so far in this fauxlationship or poisonationship have you: - said/threatened you would do it - end it - yet backed up or backed down? - tried to end it but folded because he persuaded? . thought about ending it? - planned how to end it. Respondez s'il vouz plait. We need to get you into the right frame of mind whereby you DO end it. Healthy relationships that go somewhere, don't feature this ludicrous emailing. It never gets to that, that's why. Even if it does a bit - they talk face-to-face or at least on the phone. And that's one of the diffs that makes all the non-toxic diff.