Dream about another man

Last night I had the hottest sex dream about an ex and I don’t know what this means for my current relationship. I saw my ex in passing yesterday he was walking to the gym- he didn’t see me. I guess that meant he was on my mind. I would like to state that for the record I haven’t had any contact with this ex since being with my current man and me and the ex never actually had sex- the dream last night was purely fantasy, which is why I’m concerned. The dream included me sat on my ex [redacted by mod] saying I have a boyfriend [redacted by mod] which is why I’m so confused- it’s against my morals completely to cheat and I would never do that to anyone. The dream had my ex only worried about my pleasure- [redacted by mod]. I initiated the kissing and it only heightened from there- [redacted by mod]. It truly was a DREAM but I why was it my ex and not my boyfriend in my dream? I think it’s important to mention I haven’t seen my current boyfriend for a few weeks and I did consider breaking up with him due to him not even the bare minimum in a relationship e.g he stopped saying I love you and there was not any effort going into the relationship from his side. I love him and I agreed to stay if these things improved but it’s still not the best between us so I’m still wondering whether I am best off to leave. I want people’s thoughts on what they think this means for me and my boyfriend and whether they think this means I still have feelings for this ex (we ended things 2 years ago).

I'm sorry, RandomAnon - but this Opening Post is needlessly just that bit too sexually explicit; we get as young as 13 on here, probably even younger (lurkers). I'm going to have to have it deleted, and would ask that you write it again, using asterisks or avoiding the over-Blue language altogether (we adults all know what you mean, we don't need it spelt out). However, I've copied it for safekeeping, just in case you have trouble.

@Soulmate, thanks for flagging! I've redacted numerous sections of the original post.

Expertly and speedily done, Boss! Thank-you very much! :) Have a lovely Crimbo, tomorrow! PS: loving your little seascape profile-picture there. Me want one... PPS: Manalone's back, look! :)))

Randy-I mean, Random (hahaha!, just taking the friendly piss), "Last night I had the hottest sex dream about an ex and I don’t know what this means for my current relationship. I saw my ex in passing yesterday he was walking to the gym- he didn’t see me. I guess that meant he was on my mind. I would like to state that for the record I haven’t had any contact with this ex since being with my current man and me and the ex never actually had sex- the dream last night was purely fantasy, which is why I’m concerned. The dream included me sat on my ex [redacted by mod] saying I have a boyfriend [redacted by mod] which is why I’m so confused- it’s against my morals completely to cheat and I would never do that to anyone. The dream had my ex only worried about my pleasure- [redacted by mod]. I initiated the kissing and it only heightened from there- [redacted by mod]. It truly was a DREAM but I why was it my ex and not my boyfriend in my dream? I think it’s important to mention I haven’t seen my current boyfriend for a few weeks and I did consider breaking up with him due to him not even the bare minimum in a relationship e.g he stopped saying I love you and there was not any effort going into the relationship from his side. I love him and I agreed to stay if these things improved but it’s still not the best between us so I’m still wondering whether I am best off to leave. I want people’s thoughts on what they think this means for me and my boyfriend and whether they think this means I still have feelings for this ex (we ended things 2 years ago)." It's very simple. BF isn't meeting your needs any more - he's been neglecting you, and is again. I mean, it's not normal for a steady boyfriend not to see you for weeks, nor (by the sounds) give you ANYTHING in weeks. A normal, healthy, committed BF wouldn't be so bloody rude for a start - NOR risk the relationship like he's doing (clearly!...you're fed-up). Plus, a normal-healthy bloke, which means DECENT - if he'd lost interest, he'd do the right thing and let you go. This one's 'gone AWOL', which could mean he's busily trying to find your 'replacement' before he dumps you...and/or, meantime, the insult might make you make it easy on him by dumping HIM.... or could mean he's trying to clear the work-decks in order to enjoy Xmas?... But neither of those are good...because the fact is - he's treating you like a non-entity, like you and your feelings don't matter....DESPITE YOU'VE ALREADY FLAGGED IT UP, DEADLY-SERIOUSLY. In other words - either Passive-Aggression or Covert (Narc) Agression. He's basically behaving so badly, you're missing your Ex. It's not just - saw him so now he's on my mind. It's - Ooh, look who's suddenly 'available' (as in, at-large).... He could be a buffer-type of painkiller for once the inevitable happens. PLUS, you and he never had sex, equals, unfinished business - this time you could ....hence in the dream you 'try him out' (in combo with sexual frustration...Exual frustration, haha...and, with wanting 'to slap your bf's face' out of justified resentment and need to get your pride back). Your opening post showed your boundaries and taboos have been seriously eroded, because other than that, you sound fine. I reckon you've been dating or mixing with Narcs, without realising...and that this once great boyfriend - now disturbingly too sh*t - showing too chasmic a departure from his previous character/behaviour - could be one...hence his being - in the context of exposed heart (yours) - so cruelly hurtful - AND AT A TIME LIKE THIS - XMAS. (FYI, practically ALL Narcs ruin their victim's special occasions, incl. Xmas and Birthday - go google something like, Why do Narcissists go AWOL at the worst possible times. Actually - Kim Saeed, I know, has got a good article (fantastic, long-established, Narc expert) - let me dig it out... And I'll just add this: Malignant Narcissist's exes, be they male or female, are vulnerable at Xmas... all mushy and in a goodwilling and forgiving mode...makes Narcs prodding and poking them back into 'activity', far easier than normal... "the ones who got away", for example (i.e. who 'dared' finally say, eff-off forever, you weirdo!, and meant it, making the Narc (the Ego-&-False-Pride-On-Legs) unstoppably furious, determined to get them back...just so's THEY can be the one to do the dumping/abandoning...or just because it gives them a huge kick to mess with their ex-victim's head and heart again ("yeah, baby, I've still got it"...pathetic, indeed). Found it! Here we go... ______________________________________________ https://kimsaeed.com/2015/12/12/why-narcissists-disappear-hint-its-not-just-the-silent-treatment/ "The early days with a narcissist can seem like the most exhilarating time of one’s life. They can be very charming, fun, and come across as soul-mate material. Love letters, poems, candle-lit dinners, dreamy getaways, and insane chemistry can leave even the most composed person weak in the knees and dreaming of a fantastical future. Everything seems like a fairy tale when—poof!–the narcissist vanishes. This disappearing act can last anywhere from a few hours, a few days, to a few weeks or more. At the beginning of the relationship, these disappearances might come after a lover’s quarrel, but in other cases, they happen for no apparent reason. When questioned, the narcissist may chalk it up to their phone being out of service or an emergency that had to be tended to. Over time, the narcissist disappears more and more, blaming you and your “intolerable insecurities, dreadful attitude, and lack of appreciation for them and the relationship”. It becomes increasingly clear that these disappearing acts (a.k.a. Silent Treatments) are designed to punish you. When you mention your desire that the two of you solve your problems in a more civilized manner, you’re pulled into unending circular conversations in which the narcissist plays the victim and has you apologizing even when you’ve done no wrong! (Which is a form of emotional blackmail). Unbeknownst to you, these fights are often fabricated so the narcissist can subsequently implement the dreaded Silent Treatment. You come to accept these frequent silences as a “normal” part of the relationship–though they set you into panic mode whenever they occur. Sometimes you resolve to give the narcissist a taste of their own medicine—ignoring their text and email tsunamis when they try to come back around–while other times you feel you might die if you don’t hear from them. While all of this chaos is happening, you are so busy wondering why the narcissist is always unhappy that you may be missing a very important part of the big picture — a picture that includes a lot more than your crazy relationship dynamics. The Silent Treatment and Secret Agendas You see, while you believe you’re in love and trying to work things out, tolerating the narcissist’s moodiness and their “need to be alone”, they are generally in one stage or another of relationship with other people. You may not even be aware of these other individuals since narcissists are adept at hiding their double lives, sometimes for decades. A few indicators that these clandestine affairs are taking place include your partner putting their cell phone on lock-down, their getting mysterious texts and emails at all hours of the day and night, or spending time with you 24/7 for several days and then vanishing for indeterminate periods of time. Additionally, the narcissist may refuse to update their Facebook status to “in a relationship” and forbid you from posting any pictures, or only doing these things begrudgingly if you threaten to leave. Another warning that the narcissist has another life (or lives) going on behind your back is their bringing up an ex who is obsessed with them or how they broke up right before you met and this ex doesn’t want to let them go. They may go as far as to say their ex is depressed or suicidal and the narcissist must let them down gently. The narcissist just needs more time until they can finally get rid of their pesky ex. What’s really going on is that the narcissist won’t let their ex go completely. Even if the narcissist was the one to end the relationship, they will keep most, preferably all, of their exes in the queue. Even more disturbing is that those “glorious” times when they spend ten-day stretches with you is the time they are giving the silent treatment to their ex; and when the narcissist subsequently disappears from your life, they’ve gone to hoover their other supply! The narcissist could well be dubbed The Constant Gardner because they are perpetually trolling for new targets, even though they always have a main source of supply. Furthermore, the narcissist is continuously ending relationships for various reasons, especially with those who require a lot of “maintenance” (i.e. normal human interactions) or have stopped giving the narcissist money or sex. However, narcissists typically don’t let go of their exes completely. They’ve been known to contact old flames out of the blue, sometimes as long as ten years post-breakup! If the narcissist in your life is playing these juvenile love games (e.g. disappearing, hiding their cell phone, accusing you of being overly jealous, etc.), then there is a very good chance that they are tending their Garden of Supply. But, you can turn the situation around by planting your own seeds of hope for a better future." ____________________________________________ Hope that helps, and come back with any comments, questions, further recountings, etc.