Ex-girlfriend confessed to real reason for breakup and I feel lost

Hi, im a 26 year old male and am dealing with the post breakup with my girlfriend (19). I will try to keep it very brief but i want to try and give enough information to paint the picture. 10 weeks ago, my girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue. She was away at college and we had been dating for a couple months by then. Throughout the duration of our relationship, we had no hiccups and everything was going extremely well. We had told each other we loved one another and everything was extremely real. For the first time in my life i felt like i found someone who is right for me and the one. I truly loved her and still do. Our relationship was long distance due to her school and we both knew it would be tough. She was head over heels for me. She would tell me how proud she was of me and how much she appreciated me. It was a 2 way street when it came to that. Like i said, everything was going great. We were honest with each other, loyal, and caring. After a couple of months being away however, she broke up with me and i was devastated. After the breakup, we didn’t communicate until she came home for thanksgiving break. During that time, me and her hung out a couple of times and everything felt right again. However, this left me confused and she even admitted she was confused too. Since then, she has been home for winter break and we have hung out a lot, including nights until 5 am. Again, everything felt right, but my heart still hurt from our breakup. She is truly an amazing girl that was my best friend as well. This past week we have had a couple talks and she has opened up to me even more than before. She told me she wasn’t healed from her previous relationships and told me i was more than enough for her. At first I didn’t believe her, but i have no reason not too. I trust her for the words she says. This past week however, she finally confessed that the big reason we broke up was due to her depression that she’s been battling with for years. She broke down for what seemed like the first time ever in her life and it broke my heart because it felt like a piece of me was hurt. I hugged her and told her i will always be there for her and that i am here for her. She is aa college athlete and i am a former college athlete and know how depressing and lonely things can get. She told me that it hurts her that i think i wasn’t good enough for her, because she says i am. I know this is truly a thing that she is going through and the driving force behind our breakup. What still confuses me is how much she still wants to be involved with me. For me personally, i would not want to see the person i broke up with, let alone spend hours with them and open up to them. I know she cares about me and these actions make me believe that it really is a bad timing thing, and not a compatibility thing. Our energies match, yet we always found ways to make each other better. I truly love her with all my heart and want the best for her. I am torn between letting her go and being there for her. I know depression is something only she can work out herself, but i also know its easier when surrounded by people who care for you. I too went through the same thing at her age, and it was extremely tough. I feel very lost with everything and know it is probably best to let her be. I will be honest my gut tells me we will end up together (my gut is right a lot of times about things like this), however i know this is a dangerous way to think. I appreciate you for reading this and am looking for any insight.

Hi JF1, sorry for the wait already. I'll be with you tomorrow unless any other poster beats me to it.

Hey-hey! "Hi, im a 26 year old male and am dealing with the post breakup with my girlfriend (19)." That's quite a gap at your age-stages. Are you young at heart or is she very grown-up for her age? Or half of each? "I will try to keep it very brief" Why? "but i want to try and give enough information to paint the picture." Damn right! Talk till your face falls off if you like? "10 weeks ago, my girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue." Out-of-the-(sodding, pigging)-Blue. I hear you, Houston. Giant Red Flag No. 1. (The relatively-speaking big age-diff is a Pink one.) HOWEVER. She is still young. You don't finish developing and growing into full adulthood till age 25. So that could be her extenuating factor but I'll reserve judgement either way for now... "She was away at college" Well, that explains out-of-the-Blue so - strike Flag 1, reset counter to Nil. "and we had been dating for a couple months by then." Oh, that's not long. Feels it, yeah, includig the suitcase full of pain and frustration, but, still not. "Throughout the duration of our relationship, we had no hiccups and everything was going extremely well. We had told each other we loved one another and everything was extremely real." For YOU maybe but she's still at first-round sampling stage. You're obviously ready for more serious - limbering-up for marriage. WHY did you pick someone so young? Or did she hit on you and manage to convince you she was older and, by the time you found out, were already hooked? "For the first time in my life i felt like i found someone who is right for me and the one. I truly loved her and still do." Awwwwwwwww. You're a sweetie, aren't you. Have a parental hug: ((((((((((HUG))))))))))) (lots of rocking and patting in there). I can relate to that, anyway. So crushing... " Our relationship was long distance due to her school and we both knew it would be tough." Even tougher when she's so less ready for commitment than you. You see? It all keeps coming back to her lack of age-based maturity. Eight whole years, i.e. still-teen versus legitimate grown-up... that's the equivalent of a 60-year-old man dating a 30-er ("Who the eff is Elvis?!"). "She was head over heels for me." And probably enamoured with the fact she'd bagged a real grown-up. "She would tell me how proud she was of me and how much she appreciated me." And maybe at the time she meant it. Or maybe not - maybe got carried away by the novelty-based infatuation. Usually, you need to disregard any vocalisations that don't align with the past/present/coming, confirmatory, ACTION(S). "It was a 2 way street when it came to that. Like i said, everything was going great. We were honest with each other, loyal, and caring. After a couple of months being away however, she broke up with me and i was devastated." They don't sit still for long at 19. Things change - feelings change. "After the breakup, we didn’t communicate until she came home for thanksgiving break. During that time, me and her hung out a couple of times and everything felt right again. However, this left me confused and she even admitted she was confused too. Since then, she has been home for winter break and we have hung out a lot, including nights until 5 am. Again, everything felt right, but my heart still hurt from our breakup." It's probably the lack of practicality...the distance. Most teens want someone down the road. So of course she's still going to share chemistry with you. PS: I hope you didn't get naked? That'll definitely put you back. "She is truly an amazing girl that was my best friend as well." The ultimate proof of that - or whether circumstances will even facilitate it - is if you take a suitable Time-Out to get over her in that way and then have a reunion meet-up and see. "This past week we have had a couple talks and she has opened up to me even more than before. She told me she wasn’t healed from her previous relationships and told me i was more than enough for her. At first I didn’t believe her, but i have no reason not too. I trust her for the words she says. This past week however, she finally confessed that the big reason we broke up was due to her depression that she’s been battling with for years." Okaaaay? Just how many relationships can a girl HAVE before the age of 19? And did this confession represent the taking-down of the blockade and you two getting back together? Let's see, shall we (I don't read ahead in opening posts). "She broke down for what seemed like the first time ever in her life and it broke my heart because it felt like a piece of me was hurt." You're a big Empath. "I hugged her and told her i will always be there for her and that i am here for her. She is aa college athlete and i am a former college athlete and know how depressing and lonely things can get." ("The Loneliness of The Long-Distance Runner". Ever read that famous book?) "She told me that it hurts her that i think i wasn’t good enough for her, because she says i am. I know this is truly a thing that she is going through and the driving force behind our breakup." Ok, so it seems she's return-empathic. "What still confuses me is how much she still wants to be involved with me. For me personally, i would not want to see the person i broke up with, let alone spend hours with them and open up to them. I know she cares about me and these actions make me believe that it really is a bad timing thing, and not a compatibility thing. Our energies match, yet we always found ways to make each other better. I truly love her with all my heart and want the best for her. I am torn between letting her go and being there for her. I know depression is something only she can work out herself, but i also know its easier when surrounded by people who care for you." (Wow. You're unbelievably lovely - did you know that? And you're SO emotionally mature - talented, actually!) (You're an original GenZ, aren't you? My definition of a "Snowflake": beautifully, impressively unique as a genre as well as each individual flake, but cold and not liable to melt - in a good way, not a wimpy way - unless the surface they land on or that touches them are themselves WARM. Otherwise, it's Siberia Time (hard bsstds). Fair observation?) "I too went through the same thing at her age, and it was extremely tough. I feel very lost with everything and know it is probably best to let her be." But you've just pointed out how it's NOT. You're torn, then, aren't you. "I will be honest my gut tells me we will end up together (my gut is right a lot of times about things like this)," Hell, I can see how. You're yet another breath of fresh air, you are, little matey! With YOUR level of super-sensitivity, I wouldn't be surprised if you had reignited your ancient skills of telepathy! (Here - what am I thinking? Correct!) (I am too, hahaha) "however i know this is a dangerous way to think." Er... bit dramatic? Or are you worried your desire (your Captain Kirk) thinks she's kosha while your sensible side (Mr Spock) thinks something iff is up? "I appreciate you for reading this and am looking for any insight." I appreciate you writing it! Stick around, matey - you're a real-live poet!

Here - let me test what your evolutionarily-shunted jello can do: "Hi, im a 26 year old male and am dealing with the post breakup with my girlfriend (19)." Compare: Hi, I'm male (26) and am dealing with the post breakup with my girlfriend (19)," or Hi, I'm a 26 year old male and am dealing with the post breakup with my 19 year old girlfriend. So tell me what your subconscious was trying to sneakily tell me/the reader via the stark difference in how you presented your ages. (Don't have to...just a wee experiment, say Nay if you want.)

PS: I'm a bit suspicious, though... "This past week however, she finally confessed" Why finally confessed? You two grew quickly close and purportedly transparent - and you're clearly a huge empath whom is exceptionally approachable on that score at least, so - what would have stopped her from having confessed that during the courtship? Or what would have stopped her from citing it during the "Dear John" speech to have avoided leaving you feeling ambushed and in the dark until just recently? Doesn't that smack of denying you your Closure and ability to heal and move on from her? My worry is that she met someone else, like students tend to do when introduced to a whole new ad exciting, vast pool, so has been too busy getting to know him to have time for you - bar this Xmas holidays when he wouldn't have been available anyway (home for Xmas), leaving time for you for the first time in months... and, that in case this new relationship doesn't work out, by re-warming you, giving you Hope for starting back up as a couple - you'll do just that: keep yourself single and waiting...."Warm and waiting on-the-side" (think Fish & Sausages displayed on the heater cabinet shelf ready for the freshly-cooked chips). That's my worry. What do you think? (Be brave - I'm here - I live here - it's only ever When I'll be back on, posting, not If.)

"however i know this is a dangerous way to think." Er... bit dramatic? Or are you worried your desire (your Captain Kirk) thinks she's kosha while your sensible side (Mr Spock) thinks something iff is up?" (*Iffy) Yeah...No.... It's not dramatic, is it. You sense what I've sensed could be the case - that she's pretending to be like you - Lovely. But meanwhile, is playing you to position you as her back-up safety-net, her Consolation Prize. And why would she need THAT? If you then judge it in the context of her already by the still-young age of 19, having had relationshipS-plural!, that were intense and serious enough to have left her with negative aftermath. HMMMM........ Can't stand to be single and in her own company? Methinks if it had really added-up and sounded genuinely convincing, you'd be happy and carefree - and very relieved - now, not asking for a second opinion here. Fair comment? You are very emotionally deep and that powerful mindset could well be affecting your normally sound judgement. (Different when it's your own woods that you can't see for the trees, eh...like trying to see the back of your own head without a mirror/reflective surface in sight...gotta get someone else to look, huh.) Again: why confess her No. 1 piece of evidence for her own Defense until alone with you months later at a time when "he" wouldn't be 'available to play'? Who was mean to you growing-up as cultivated and brought that huge empathy of yours to the fore, and whom she reminds you of?

...."I too went through the same thing at her age, and it was extremely tough." And she'd KNOW that, wouldn't she. So what a coinkydinky the minute she needed an excuse that'd get you relaxing your guard and re-opening up to the idea of MAYBE getting back together. It's how player Narcs do it. The Malignant Coverts. Highly slick. So damn believable. Seemingly so refreshingly different and honest at-first - NOTHING like any stinky exes (or past fake friends/bullies). Seemingly. I mean - you sound uber-lovely. And she sounds, the way YOU relate it - UNCANNILY SIMILAR TO YOU. Mirroring? Awwww... now I see why your reservation and why you're pulled. It's not by her and her seeming qualities, etc. It's one of two possibiities: 1. That your inner animal needs to re-enact an unkind, unfair-to-you relationoship by choosing a doppleganger and continuing the past relationship from where you left off in order to understand that it so was not your fault but their issues/illness as made them that way towards you (because you're understanding and tolerant and therefore would stick around rather than reject and skidaddle), or 2. You unwittingly fell deeply in-love with yourself, as a person and romantic partner, in female form because this girl Mirrored YOU back to yourself but with her face and body. I think *both* but especially 2. See how lovely and lovable you are? You're powerful stuff, mate. Hence you were and still are smitten! Thought you'd met your soulmate, huh. Yup.... Do tell me if I'm wrong though? But think it through first, don't knee-jerk - or discuss it through with me, first. Just give this theory a proper hearing in your head.