I don't know how to leave him

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of months. I come from a very religious environment where saving yourself for marriage is a big thing. When I first started dating him, he was okay with the idea of us not having sex. But after a while, we started having arguments that always led back to me not loving him enough because I wouldn't sleep with him. We even almost broke up at one point because apparently I was too stubborn since I wouldn't prove my love to him. I did not want to end our relationship so I gave in and we slept together. I never talked to him about it but since then I've hated myself a bit for giving in. Just last week, I discovered he was relocating in March to another country. He had known since before we met that he wasn't going to be here for long, and he still went ahead to have a relationship with me, knowing he'd leave me behind at some point. Despite knowing, he still pressured me into sleeping with him and I gave in because he was my first boyfriend and I thought he really loved me. I thought he really loved me, but I can't help but feel like he was using me to pass the time or something. And I won't ever get it back, I'll never go back to who I was before I met him, and when I eventually get married I won't have kept myself for my husband. He left to find somewhere to stay before relocating finally, but he'll be back in about 2 weeks time. We're still technically together but I can't help wondering if we should have split up by now. Should I break up with him when he comes back or should I just let him leave and cut him off?

Proved your love to him? nah, guys like him don't have the foggiest of what real love is. As for leaving him? just walk away young lady & never look back. Life's lessons can be harsh at times, but make sure that you love & accept yourself for who you are. Get your head up & move on.

In a way it really doesn’t matter if you break it off or not, as you have all the information now and know it’s going to end. As difficult as it might be, cool detachment is the best way to go now, he knows what he did so let him go without any contact, let him at least feel that boundary, know that he’s not a good person worthy of any further discussion. I’m sure if he just wanted to sleep with someone, there’d be easier options, he probably did like you and enjoy the relationship. Unfortunately it was selfish as he didn’t respect what was important to you, and clearly isn’t capable of the kind of care and humanity that would prevent a person from persuading intimacy, knowing they are not up for long term. Some people are just not emotionally evolved and only they can work on that. I’m not religious myself, but can understand the feeling that he’s took something you’ll never get back, as you have strong values surrounding this. But you are so much more that your status in terms of sex, you’re still the same person, just with some life lessons that I’m sure you’ll grow from and take into the next relationship, hopefully with someone great! You can grow even more if you’re able to take responsibility for the decision you made, even if you didn’t have the facts…you made it, own it, and cut yourself some slack, you’re doing your best❤️

Hi Anni, IMO, like everything in life, there are two parts to "giving" someone your virginity: the physical/intellectual and the emotional/spiritual (it's your inner sanctity, after all). You made the decision - meaning, both sides voted to say Yes - under *deliberately false pretenses*. It therefore can't be deemed consensual whichever way you look at it - neither intellectually/physically nor, obviously, emotionally/spiritually. In a team of two psyche-halves (think two co. founder-directors), only TWO OUT OF TWO YESES count as AYE/YES. Then there's the fact that there were two people, you and he. Only his vote was a Yes. Your Yes wasn't authenticated. Okay? That's the first bit... ...Because, by the way, considering the fact that if you had the chance to go back in time and do the episode over - knowing what you do now, you'd say a big-fat NO. And that is true to 100%- So tell me: since *in reality*, (albeit which you were denied) your vote was NO - what, really, makes what he did, different from Date Rape? Bar, lack of speed. Date Rape. Not prosecutable, but, if it were (and I'm sure one day that 'grey area' will be, like all grey areas inevitably do), I'm sure you would be pursuing justice. (I know I would.) You didn't AGREE nor GIVE away anything. You were intellectually and emotionally slow-raped. You tell your future husband that, and let him twist himself in knots trying to argue the opposite. Or even wanting to. Which I seriously doubt any man decent enough to marry, would. And I'll arm-wrestle anyone over that. And if my arm broke - I'd instantly substitute my leg! I hope you can see the commonsense truth in what I'm saying? I know that many, many solicitors/barristers, etc., feel the same; they just don't have that jurisdiction yet. But they're waiting..... YOU.... DID *NOTHING* WRONG. Okay?

PS: Welcome Lisa, as well! Good post, missus - thumbs-up. Have to disagree with just this tiny bit, though: "I’m sure if he just wanted to sleep with someone, there’d be easier options" Nah. Malignant* Narcissists (those types that know and don't care they're harming you, even with Malice Aforethought, the types who do THIS) are veteran narcs, who, factoring in their Pathological Boredom, like a Challenge. Furthermore, women in-love are better in bed (boom). They also give the man a lot of positive feedback...ego-flattering (boom). Sick, ain't it. But that was a really good post (and Mannie's, as usual), and you clearly know your creeps, so please stick around and keep responding? :)