Can sexual orientation change after trauma???

Hi everybody, i am currently freaking out. i've been out as a lesbian for almost 4 years, known it for 7. i'm in therapy for other reasons and i'm starting to find out that i have a very messed up, complicated relationship with men due to me being abused online by an older man when i was in my early teens. that's the big reason but there has been some other minor instances where men touched me inappropriately or had comments about my body and my sex life. i get that this is something that sadly happens to all women, i'm not trying to be special here, i'm just giving the whole picture cause i don't know where else to turn to. i am absolutely confident in my sexuality and i am in a serious relationship with a woman. i love her and i love being in a relationship with her, but this thins in gnawing at me. i'm supposed to have a session with my therapist about my problems regarding my body image and i suspect that part of the problem is due to men sexualizing me too much from a young age. i'm afraid that, while solving this puzzle, i'm going to find out that i've actually always liked men and i just hid it because i was more afraid of them. because i felt like a prey to them. i am finally happy and comfortable in my sexuality after years of struggle and i just don't want to find out that i'm actually bi or straight, i don't want to lose the one part of me i've finally stopped doubting. now that i've gotten emotional i'm going to give you a really embarrassing detail that uhm, maybe is pertinent? dunno. here goes nothing...sometimes i get off watching videos of straight couples or guys alone, not because i find them attractive per se, actually i have no idea why i watch them nor why they work for me. maybe it's just penis envy and i should try using toys in bed, maybe it's an irrelevant point to the argument, maybe it's the key that solves it all. personally i don't have a clue so yeah, if you have any thoughts on my situation, personal experience, articles to link, anything at all to say please reply cause i'm desperately trying to make sense of it all. thanks🙏🏻

Welcome, Confused, and apologies for the delay. Someone will be with your shortly. Meantime, feel free to read others' threads and post your thoughts, comments and opinions (and I'm asking them to do likewise). :)

Very sorry for the wait, Confused! We've had a wee technical glitch whereby respondents weren't getting their alerts. All fixed now. "I've been out as a lesbian for almost 4 years, known it for 7." Thanks but means too little without your age today, please? "i'm in therapy for other reasons and i'm starting to find out that i have a very messed up, complicated relationship with men due to me being abused online by an older man when i was in my early teens." Yep, that'll do it. (,...the slimy generate.) AND if your dad wasn't around enough or a bad role model and, say, even unwittingly, tore you down instad of building up you and your standards & expectations... and idea of what's apparently acceptable to expect as treatment as a woman in a pairbond... and//or your mum/dad never giving you the talk about the nasties out there...all of that. It's not complicated to reverse but growing- plus healing-pains ON TOP, ARE painful, especially when that disruption caused a developmental-growth backlog which then rushes forward in-one...very condensed thus intense). But don't be scared of your human-archaic signalling systems. The pain is a vital INGREDIENT. No Pain, No Gain. Life gives EVERYONE growth- or contortion-pains here, there and everywhere (and your R&R is the antidote). So when was the last time you had FUN? I note you're still thinking and articulating clearly, though? "that's the big reason but there has been some other minor instances where men touched me inappropriately" Not men - normal, healthy, kind, decent. School creeps and delinquents all grown up (physically). Normal-healthy men don't DO that hateful nonsense, bullying under guise of sexual interest and lack of self-control (ugh). "or had comments about my body and my sex life. i get that this is something that sadly happens to all women, i'm not trying to be special here, i'm just giving the whole picture cause i don't know where else to turn to." Er. You ARE special. You are the only you that will ever exist since life began, Amen. (Did you not know that?) You're just not unique IN THIS life experience. Dr. Seuss Time: "Be who you are and say how you feel because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind". Inarguable life fact number 2! "i am absolutely confident in my sexuality and i am in a serious relationship with a woman. i love her and i love being in a relationship with her," Good stuff! " but this thins in gnawing at me. i'm supposed to have a session with my therapist about my problems regarding my body image and i suspect that part of the problem is due to men sexualizing me too much from a young age." Well done! Yes, having been groomed/brainwashed and had it normalised, when it was anything BUT. " i'm afraid that, while solving this puzzle, i'm going to find out that i've actually always liked men and i just hid it because i was more afraid of them." Here's why I need your age - and other details, like, your age when you realised you weren't hetero, how many men you'd dated/dabbled with beforehand, etc. "because i felt like a prey to them. i am finally happy and comfortable in my sexuality after years of struggle and i just don't want to find out that i'm actually bi or straight, i don't want to lose the one part of me i've finally stopped doubting." Well, you WON'T be. Because you're happy and comfortable. (shrug?) If you think it's going to de- or re-convert you, i.e. make you suddenly unhappy and uncomfortable - NO. BECAUSE - you're happy and comfortable. Listen, a cat doesn't get off his cushion by the fire to go sit elsewhere and be LESS comfortable, does it. It doesn't need to go looking or be receptive to the offer of some other place/position? He's found his comfy spot. Who CARES why the fireplace or cushion were purchased? Sing it, Sheryl: "If-it maakes yoou ha-ppyyy-yyy...it can't be that baaaaaaaaa-aa-a-aad". Common fear, though. She's a person. Whom you're happy and all-round comfortable with. In that very spot/situaton. So who CARES if something proved a catalyst, MAYBE (again - age data). Three Cheers - clink!/clink! - to the catalyst! Had it not been for that/this, you'd never have met her and found that lovely comfily-loving spot and spot-buddy, big-fat-eh. "now that i've gotten emotional i'm going to give you a really embarrassing detail that uhm, maybe is pertinent? dunno. here goes nothing...sometimes i get off watching videos of straight couples or guys alone, not because i find them attractive per se, actually i have no idea why i watch them nor why they work for me. maybe it's just penis envy and i should try using toys in bed, maybe it's an irrelevant point to the argument, maybe it's the key that solves it all. personally i don't have a clue so yeah, if you have any thoughts on my situation, personal experience, articles to link, anything at all to say please reply cause i'm desperately trying to make sense of it all. thanks🙏🏻" (I'll cover my eyes) ;D Because you're curious. Could be toys would (scuse pun) plug that gap? Won't know til you try. (Make it classy, though, yeh?...don't buy into the sleaze. Partner should choose with you.) You're perfectly insightful - you WOULD

SORRY - butterfingers! You WOULD have a clue. IF there were one to be had. COULD be you want a baby? No. I think you're transferring your fear of 're-visiting' your massivie, undeserved humiliation at the hands of Bully Boy, CLOSER-UP at this point of the 'disinterring' process. Doesn't your therapist make you feel completely safe? PS: Sorry - where's the embarrassing bit? Oh - you mean you being HUMAN like the rest of us naked apes. Fairenoughski, LOL.

PS: I used to mainline-train-and-tube commute. And Narcs and other bulles get everywhere. And they pick on the nice men, too, gay or not. All of this "you're this, you're that" is just an excuse to hide their effed-up compulsion for a-victim-any-victim almost EVERY DAY. "I recommend you and partner sign up for self-defence-attack classes (like, karate, kick-boxing, judo, boxing, Police- or Community-run night-classes...). If you knew you could pulverise any violator/attacker (EMOTIONAL-SPIRITUAL RAPIST!) without breaking much, if any, sweat, your confidence and trust in yourself and the decisions you've made/been made to follow (etc-etc-etc) and enjoy that very privileged position of being in a relationship with another human being - your bestie with bells on - will SHOOT UP! I think, re this aspect, you're feeling how it feels when you're feeling vulnerable and lacking in confidence. The abuse affects your trust in yourself and your decisions - just for a wee while on the Recovery Path. Don't worry, it'll come back. Thoughts?

(Tsk...the slimy degenerate - not generate)