I always cry at confrontations

I, female 18, always cry at confrontations, especially with teachers. I'm not even feeling bad or anything but I just start tearing up and I don't how to control it. Today a teacher catched me on my phone and wanted to talk to me after the lesson. And I immediately started tearing up and couldn't even properly speak because my lips were trembling and my voice was cracking. Like I had a good reason to be on my phone but I couldn't tell him because I couldn't get a damn word out. And then he continued to tell me how bad my mark is going to be as I'm not participating in the class and I said I did raise my hand two times today and he said I lied. I wanted to defend myself of course but again my lips were trembling and I couldn't speak properly. I had so much to say and justify myself but I could get nothing out and now that stupid teacher probably thinks I'm a liar who's feeling guilty. And I don't even know WHY I couldn't get anything out. I don't like that guy, I don't care whether he likes me or not as long as it doesn't affect my grade. And I knew I was not in the wrong, I had arguments to defend myself. I don't even care that much about the confrontation, it's surely not a fun thing but it's not the ending of the world so i don't freaking get why my body thinks it's so bad that I need to start crying. In the end i was much more frustrated about not being able to properly talk instead of getting a bad mark. And it's always like this. Teachers will speak to me in private about a not so positive thing and I'll always start trembling and tearing up. I don't even care that much about grades. It's like my body thinks it's supposed to be an uncomfortable and terrible situation and that's why I need to cry. But it's not that bad and I simply can't have proper conversations like that. These confrontations would be much better if I could actually speak up for myself. Help please, I just want to get my body under control and stop crying. I'm not an emotional person and I hate when my body does something that I'm not even feeling. I can be completely calm and happy but whenever I'm in such a situation, my body will act on it's own. As if my body thinks it's required to act like that in such a situation. I don't care whether it's normal to cry, I don't like it and I want to speak properly. And it's genuinely uncomfortable because crying makes my eyes swell and that hurts.

Hi Lyx! I'm not reading ahead and am just listing down everything of meaning, that jumped-out at me: "especially with teachers." "I'm not even feeling bad or anything but I just start tearing up and I don't how to control it." Do you mean - while tearing-up, you're not feeling bad; you just tear-up? What age did this start? "Like I had a good reason to be on my phone but I couldn't tell him because I couldn't get a damn word out. " SHOCK. You go into shock. Refer to previous question. "And then he continued to tell me how bad my mark is going to be as I'm not participating in the class and I said I did raise my hand two times today and he said I lied. I wanted to defend myself of course but again my lips were trembling and I couldn't speak properly. I had so much to say and justify myself but I could get nothing out and now that stupid teacher probably thinks I'm a liar who's feeling guilty. And I don't even know WHY I couldn't get anything out. I don't like that guy" YOU GO INTO SHOCK WHEN FACED-OFF BY AN INTIMIDATING, RAILROAD-ING, CHARACTER-ASSASSINATING, *BULLY* (whose job is Teacher). So I've answered my own question, then. You're (Spidey) sensitive to Bullies, and if they have you over a barrel (have power/authority over you), because you're NOT used to it in all other areas of your life - you go into shock. What would you have said to him, had he been just another, female student. Or if it had been your last-ever day and you were never going to see him again and he had non power/means to affect your final grade? __________________________________________ "it's surely not a fun thing but it's not the ending of the world so i don't freaking get why my body thinks it's so bad that I need to start crying" BECAUSE IT'S BEING BULLIED BY SOMEONE IN A POSITION OF INFLUENCE/AUTHORITY SO YOU'RE POWERLESS TO REACT WITH "FIGHT" AND "FLIGHT". So you use what's left: a mixture/switching between Fawn and Freeze. You go girlie-girlie as adheres with a bullying male's world view about women ("girls")...just a little fluffy-head. Playing Dead and Harmless, if you like. To TRIGGER his behaviour OUT Of aggressive and into just annoyed and frustrated with you (WITHOUT a cause, though, still). See it? It's just you doing what you can with what you've got in that moment. Bet if you'd had a pepper-spray or baseball-bat you'd have used it, though. But you didn't, so you were sensible and perfectly clever. Well done! Who cares HOW you escape from those confined spaces with them in bullying mode! Just as long as you do! I call what you do/your inner animal does, Pissing on their firework. :) I presume it normally works to calm them down a bit? But then, if you're made raw from the out-and-out bully teachers, you're bound to be extra sensitive to anything less than veeery kid-gloved touch by teachers whom simply are frustrated with you and not being professional enough in keeping their own emotions/moodies out of it. They're frustrated with practically every student, it's their job to (and is unavoidable anyway) - don't buy that silly 'you're lagging behind' kind of script; it's just their job to let you think it's just you. That guy you've mentioned, however, is definitely abusing his "authoritah" and going too far, into full-on verbal assault territory, though. Have you thought of reporting him to your school Whatever (which country are you in?). Have you enquired and compared notes with other students? ___________________________________ "These confrontations would be much better if I could actually speak up for myself. " Yet it's only with teachers you experience this. So you're NOT non-confrontational per se. You just lack enough confidence at your young age to dare stand-up for yourself nor do so with the force they bluster at. Correct? That's easily fixed. Just stick around here for a bit, answer some problems, see your self-esteem shoot up bloody quickly, and find yourself sticking-up for yourself without even thinking about it. But anyway, does that explain it? ...that, no you're NOT scared; you'd give them What For if you could. You're inner animal is mutineering you (as it does under that kind of duress) and showing you that it's best you don't with that particular person or at that particular moment. Tip to try: when he accuses you of lying, just gently nod your head No but with a "Sorry" face (Sorry, but no)...for as long as you feel like. So that guy is the main guy, then? List those teachers and mark each out of 1-10 for mildest-to-worst. "As if my body thinks it's required to act like that in such a situation." Ah - there you go - you worked it out! YES. :) It knows better than you. It's made up of bits of your lineage, those that lived harder, harsher lives than yours. You, clearly, can spot a bully / bullying pretty instantly. Maybe you inherited the Fawn response from (eventually) most of them and need to BREAK that gene-habit? Like... take offensive-defensive classes, judo, karate...? Or you can gen up on how it's THEIR problem - not the problem with you that they use an excuse to let off steam with (oh yess...they 'know' you'll take it). Ask if you want me to explain? Try to have fun with it. Pretend to be deadly sincere as you nod and agree with them all enthusiastically and exclaim, I KNOWWWW...it's TERRIBLE...I don't know what's WRONG with me lately. What do you suggest I do? Or do you think it's just because I'm young, still...haven't had a chance to acquire that adult skill?.... (and with that bloke) I don't suppose it could be PMT, could it?' (Watch him close the conversation faster than you can say - EW, "GIRL" STUFF, UNCLEEEAAAN. Bullies are Cavemen. Don't understand women a JOT. Hence don't like them. ....I could go on....). There's lots you can do to counter-manipulate a bully. You're not powerless at all. in fact, thanks to, e.g., this nasty man's latest demonstration, it's YOU who has power, over HIM - and his whole bloody career. But keep describing, going into more detail. We need to be SURE-sure-sure that's what he - and any others - are. (Bullier of Bullies at your service, little modom. :))