Should I buy a ring?

My girlfriend of 7 years has made it obvious that she is dissapointed that I haven't bought an engagement ring and proposed. We bought a house last year and both work full time. A big part of my paycheck goes towards mortgage payments and she pays whatever she can/wants to every month to go towards the principal. (The house is only under my name and I don't ask her to help pay toward the house.) I have less that 4000 in savings and I don't feel able to purchase a ring that I feel she deserves and still have money saved up for emergencies. The economy feels rough and we live in California so I feel pretty strapped with money. I love her and completely intend to be loyal and marry her eventually. I still feel bad about not buying a ring and don't feel comfortable taking on debt right now to buy a more expensive one. I also don't feel comfortable buying a cheaper ring that might not hold its value for the long term. What should I do? Thank you

Hi 5678, (Ha-ha...reminds me of that joke: Why was 6 scared of 7? Answer: Because 7 8 9.) Anyhoo...not reading ahead... "My girlfriend of 7 years" That's interesting! You create an alias featuring 5678 and then immediate point everyone to the number 7. Is that a Freudian contextualising, I wonder? Gonna think about that... "has made it obvious that she is dissapointed that I haven't bought an engagement ring and proposed." Compare: 'has told me that she is disappointed that...' What do you mean MADE it obvious? You mean, by acting-out? Or by vocal repetition over time? "We bought a house last year and both work full time. A big part of my paycheck goes towards mortgage payments and she pays whatever she can/wants to every month to go towards the principal. (The house is only under my name and I don't ask her to help pay toward the house.)" What do you mean by 'we' bought? What percentage of your paycheck? Why does she pay no regular rent? Whose idea was that? And define 'toward the house' - you mean repair and maintenance costs? Who put up the deposit? "I have less that 4000 in savings and I don't feel able to purchase a ring that I feel she deserves and still have money saved up for emergencies. The economy feels rough and we live in California so I feel pretty strapped with money." Fairenoughski. And at the mo, one needs 5K for 'a rainy day', so you're a Grand short (but not doing badly, compared to most). Here, why don't you buy her a simple 24-carat Gold band, but have it engraved all over, with the most personal sentiments etched on the 'skin side'? Wouldn't that be a ring she deserves?? 'It's the thought that counts', means, the amount of time and trouble that went into it. I think that's a brilliant idea, actually (albeit, I'm biased, haha). No but seriously: soooo romantic! And that's what it's about, isn't it: the bond. Not the flashing-the-cash. Is she romantic / does she go gooey whenever you do a Pepe Le Pew? "I love her and completely intend to be loyal and marry her eventually." Well, then, that's the other bonus - a wedding band instead of an engagement ring - but which is so incredibly heartfelt it trumps a mere 'rock' - does symbolically stand for 'I am definitely going to marry you, look'. PLUS...come the time to get the wedding band, the economy might be even worse and your savings even lower (hope not, but, always best to err on the side of caution). I can think of LOADS of words and sentances you could have etched. I expect you can, too, eh! (See if you can even make her cry when you present it! :D...but don't forget the magnifying glass!) ..And then, if you can afford the band when the big day looms, and want her to have that hockable item in case a grand piano ever falls on your head (which is the main point of the rings) - have a precious jewel set into it LIKE an engagement ring. What do you think - is that a cunning plan, Stan? PS: Most of the women I know confided that they found their engagement rings a right pain in the arse, not least because the setting would always catch on their nylon tights and create a ladder, when they were in a mad hurry to get to work/catch the train in the mornings.

Bloke, you're with the wrong woman if she disappointed with you for not proposing & buying her a bloody engagement ring. You're buying a house which is in your name, you pay a big slice of the mortgage & you still cluey enough to have some dollars left over for emergencies which can happen at the drop of the hat. Yep, the economy is crud & globally buggered as well. Your woman is either selfish or doesn't understand her priorities for a successful relationship to work. If she was 100% loyal to you, she wouldn't give damn about a ring. Yeah it'd be nice to have, but that a ring, no matter what it costs is a mere token; it's an expression of your love & your loyalty etc, so it doesn't matter what it costs, if you guys make it in the long run, the ring will mean more than the dollars it put you back. But on the other hand, there's plenty of couples whom I know of, who have done the hard yards, bought houses, had kids etc etc all without an engagement ring to go with the wedding band...& some I know have even been de facto all their lives; no wedding, no bs rings but plenty of love & a shared & successful life together. So, it's up to you to decide if the woman is worth your love & time & never mind the ring; or you're actually spoiling her by providing for her big time without even proposing to her..Wtf is she thinking? what is she missing? Does she expect it on a platter all the time? Your name is against the house; it's your responsibility on the line no matter what she puts in or expects from you. You are doing the right thing, trying to get ahead & 7 years of your life is a fair chunk, but is your woman walking beside you? is she sharing your plans & dreams? surely you know your woman's values & standards by now?..hello?

From very personal and recent experience I would advise that if you are not ready then don't. Have a look at my thread on here. https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13622/proposal-ultimatum-am-i-overthinking-or-in-toxic-rel...

5678, Given Mannie and ABCD's take on things, which certainly is completely reasonable on-paper, I have a couple more questions to see if there are any nuances that make a difference: Is your salary and any other annual income (e.g. share dividends) significantly greater than hers? And is the amount she contributes roughly on a par with what she'd be paying if she rented in your area as a single person? Or, if not, are you just a very generous type who loves the warm glow of spoiling your loved-ones rotten?