Parents still argue about money

Hi everyone so my parents both retired however they are still arguing about money. My dad is getting state pension and he covers all the bills. My mum has previously worked for over 40 years so will be getting state pension + private pension soon. My mum's mobile phone bill is covered and her travel card is free as she is senior citizen. She demands money from my dad every every week as she says she needs to buy groceries. However all food is paid for by me(daughter) I take her to supermarkets every week and pay for weekly groceries. My dad is saying why should he give her weekly money when he is paying all bills and she has savings and money of her own in the bank. Any thoughts on this from the community and how this can be resolved? Thank you!

Well, it's obvious your parents have argued all their live about everything & anything, including money. There's not much you can do apart from letting them enjoy their twilight years the way the want to. Hats off to you for paying for their weekly groceries but it still doesn't shut your Mum up does it?

Newbie, are you trying to say, you're not sure, but have a sneaking suspicion your mum is financially exploiting your dad - or even vice-versa?

I just want them to be happy and to stop fighting. I don’t know how money is handled by other retired couples that’s why I’m posting here to see if anyone has any thoughts. I forgot to mention my dad also gambles everyday and has become an addict now -9-5pm everyday he is at betting shop. My mum says if he can throw away money why can’t he give it to me instead ? She said she has no income right now as she hasn’t got her pension yet and hence only has savings. My dad said he is getting very little pension and any money he has is from his inheritance.

Oh good grief - I'm so sorry - I forgot to turn on alerts for this thread! You still there? Let me just dive in (not reading ahead, just sentance-by-sentance). "I just want them to be happy and to stop fighting. I don’t know how money is handled by other retired couples that’s why I’m posting here to see if anyone has any thoughts." Marriage is about sharing everything, wealth and assets included ("all that I own, I thee endow", basically say the Marital Contract Vows). There isn't supposed to BE any 'this is yours and this is mine' (save for underwear ha ha). So they've never had a proper, healthy marital attitude in that regard, clearly. It sounds more like a (seemingly unfair) business deal. Saying that, unless you were an accountant, we don't know if your father agreed to it to make up for something "of his", do we. "I forgot to mention my dad also gambles everyday" OH. STOP THE PRESS! This puts a VERY different light on things. Yeah, if I were your Mum, I too would want to keep my money far away from his grubby hands, and, if he were frittering his share, would call my share 'mine' or, better yet, take control of the finances altogether. So that seeming discrepancy obviously would originally have been a reactive set-up, not active. Addicts are VERY difficult to have a relationship with. They basically behave like Narcissists. It's often quite hard to tell them apart. More so, given the fact that genuine Narcissists abuse THINGS, including money, as much as people (whom likewise are perceived as mere, unfeeling "objects"). So being addicted to gambling, drugs, over-eating/obesity-without-a-cause...whatever, is par for the course. (They're basically (stunted, angry) kids in adult suits. Like kids, they have no problem getting INTO trouble, but none of the adult maturity and and metal strength, skills, wisdom, competence...to get out of it again. Your mum is probably, secretly, HIS mum. How old REALLY would you put him at? "and has become an addict now -9-5pm everyday he is at betting shop." Jeez. Your poor Mum. Hasn't she dragged him to the doctors for a referral (which country are you)? "My mum says if he can throw away money why can’t he give it to me instead ?" Said like someone who doesn't have a clue about gambling or addiction, generally. WHY CAN'T HE? Because that's addiction. Either you Don't Care so you let yourself get addicted or you get addicted and all-of-a-sudden Don't Care. Which was he (if you had to guess)? " She said she has no income right now as she hasn’t got her pension yet and hence only has savings. My dad said he is getting very little pension and any money he has is from his inheritance." HIS inheritance. Okay. You need to tell your mum to go have a free consultation with a Family Law Solicitor so that she can find out NOW what her marital rights are so that IF/WHEN she has enough, she can just call said solicitor/lawyer and say, Go-Go.Go. How old are you, Newbie? Apologies again for having missed you - I'll make it up to you as best I can.

PS: Your mum doesn't have to DO anything after hearing a solicitor explain all of her (and your?) rights. She just needs to know what they are and what she's dealing with (divorce solicitors see cases like this ALL the time). So that she CAN deal with it (him)....really put her foot down. "HIS" inheritance. Giant Red Flag if ever I heard it. HE is the financial exploiter. And I'm betting he's got money squirreled away that your mum hasn't a clue about (or its amount). She could look it all up on the web, but it'd be far quicker, reassuring and CONFIDENCE-inspiring, face-to-face. She needs to get angry, wrestle him to the ground (not literally) and have his marital power of attorney curbed or taken away. He is LITERALLY just setting-fire to money. When did this first start (or more likely, come to light as his dirty little secret)? And how did the lack of money affect YOU growing up? Or is it only since you left home?

PPS: "LITERALLY just setting-fire to money." And YOUR Inheritance.