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How to get over first love?

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I had my first love when I was 14 years old. I don’t know if that's too young to like someone. He knew me through a mutual friend and found me cute. I didn’t really talk to him, but his mom passed away around that time, so I texted him to give him my condolences when I found out. We became good friends and talked all the time, about every topic under the sun. He confessed to me after 2 weeks and asked me to be his girlfriend. I rejected him because I just wasn’t ready, I guess. We remained friends. We had a massive fight later because he ‘didn’t want to be friendzoned’ (as said in his own words) and wanted me to be his girlfriend, not just his friend. I was stupid and didn’t respond properly, and we both blocked each other, then unblocked again. I had surgery at that time, and he asked my friend how I was doing every single day. We rekindled our friendship, wrote letters to each other apologizing. I started liking him a lot then. We had some arguments here and there, mostly because of some odd comments he made (which I don’t remember exactly now). Then, I don't know what happened. I was giving him signs that I like him and was planning to confess soon. And then he basically told me randomly that he still likes me a lot but he's focusing on himself now and doesn’t want a relationship. I was like, ok cool, and we grew distant, but I still liked him, and he liked me. We texted sometimes, and he asked my best friend occasionally how I was doing. Then we stopped talking forever. I'm still not over this guy. Every single time I have a crush on someone, I always compare them to him. I've been to different therapists, but those were for other issues, not for this, so I never brought this up. But it still affects me pretty badly. It's soon going to be two years since we last talked, and I still cannot forget him. I dated another guy officially after this, but it didn’t feel even half as meaningful. Some days go really good for me, but whenever I'm sad, my thoughts just revert back to him, and about what I could’ve done differently. In 2023, I got diagnosed with depersonalisation/derealisation disorder and OCD, so it was basically a bad year for my mental health too. I never really asked him how his mom passed away, thinking it'd be too sensitive of a topic for him to talk about, but I heard it was cancer. He is a very strong person mentally, and he always made attempts to remain happy despite his circumstances, but I know how hard it was for him. I feel like I added to his stress and burden when he was going through such a bad period in his life rather than being supportive. He told me he often cried regularly, started having fights with his dad, missed his mom a lot. I tried my best to listen to him, let him know I was there for him, basically spent entire days only really talking to him. I even used to sneak out of my house so that I could call him regularly lol. I read tens of hundreds of articles about how to make a relationship last, yet deep down I don’t feel like I did enough. He told me he loved me so much once out of nowhere, but I couldn’t say it back. I don’t know why, but I just couldn't, and I really regret it now. And I'm not the only one who supported him emotionally; he supported me a lot too during my surgery. I was really scared after the surgery, although it was a minor procedure, because it was my first time going through something like that, and he reassured me a lot. He is over me now, I guess. I don’t know how he's doing, but last I heard, he's studying to be a doctor. I have so many things to tell him, but I don’t want to approach him; it'll be too painful for me. I cannot even listen to the songs I used to like during that time period because I just associate those songs with him, and break down crying. I had a close friend who started to like him after I became close with him, and a few months after i stopped talking with him, they hooked up. Obviously, I broke my friendship with her. She used to gossip about me, spread rumours and try to turn all my friends against me during this period. She tried asking him to get into a relationship with her, and he dumped her, saying that he didn’t like her romantically. And that girl tried to become friends with me again, and since we have many classes in school together I just tolerated her till the end of the session in order to be cordial, and then I blocked her. She told me once that he told her that he hates me now and doesn’t ever want to contact me again, because he thinks I led him on although that was never my intention :(. And she is super possessive over him (basically claims him to be hers) so if I ever attempt to even talk to him all hell will break loose and she’d spread rumours about me all over again. How do I basically get over him once and for all? I do have hobbies and work on self-improvement, although everyone has bad days, and perhaps I'm just going through one such bad day right now.

How to get over first love?

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Hi Ruhi! So sorry for the long wait. Know that you can respond to other thread-owners, including those waiting in the queue with you? Whether you just say Hi and sympathise, take an interest by asking questions, of offer your opinion/feedback. That's supposed to be how this place works. :) And it's rapidly very good for re-building your confidence. Anyway, let's dive in... "I had my first love when I was 14 years old. I don’t know if that's too young to like someone." Nope. Not if you're a romance first-career second type, anyway (early developer or parental example, say). "He knew me through a mutual friend and found me cute. I didn’t really talk to him, but his mom passed away around that time, so I texted him to give him my condolences when I found out." Nice! :) "We became good friends and talked all the time, about every topic under the sun. He confessed to me after 2 weeks and asked me to be his girlfriend. I rejected him because I just wasn’t ready, I guess. We remained friends." (You probably wanted to get to know him first...a really thorough test-drive) (which is very mature for 14 so that answers your question: not too young for YOU.) What reason did you give HIM? "We had a massive fight later because he ‘didn’t want to be friendzoned’ (as said in his own words) and wanted me to be his girlfriend, not just his friend." Ah. But fair enough on his part. "I was stupid and didn’t respond properly," BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T READY TO. " and we both blocked each other, then unblocked again." Who blocked first - and why? (At least he played it straight...was assertively honest (I presume...I'm not reading ahead).) "I had surgery at that time, and he asked my friend how I was doing every single day." Okay, then, it was an ultimatum/pressure tactic to force you to be ready just because he was so gagging. Not liking that so much, but - COME ON...How old was he? Same-ish? "We rekindled our friendship, wrote letters to each other apologizing." Letters? Nice! Intrinsically a gentleman, then...except when faced with you because YOU'RE TOO IRRESISTIBLY CUTE, what can I say? :D "I started liking him a lot then." Yeah, me too (liking him better). Letter takes thought and effort. "We had some arguments here and there, mostly because of some odd comments he made (which I don’t remember exactly now)." TRY. Odd comments... - at least tell me about what topics? "Then, I don't know what happened. I was giving him signs that I like him and was planning to confess soon. And then he basically told me randomly that he still likes me a lot but he's focusing on himself now and doesn’t want a relationship." How soon after the letters did this happen? "I was like, ok cool, and we grew distant, but I still liked him, and he liked me. We texted sometimes, and he asked my best friend occasionally how I was doing. Then we stopped talking forever. I'm still not over this guy. Every single time I have a crush on someone, I always compare them to him. I've been to different therapists, but those were for other issues, not for this, so I never brought this up. But it still affects me pretty badly. It's soon going to be two years since we last talked, and I still cannot forget him. I dated another guy officially after this, but it didn’t feel even half as meaningful. Some days go really good for me, but whenever I'm sad, my thoughts just revert back to him, and about what I could’ve done differently. In 2023, I got diagnosed with depersonalisation/derealisation disorder and OCD, so it was basically a bad year for my mental health too." You just weren't THAT ready. Different growth rates. Mentally you were older, but not physically. To happen, it's got to be: Right Person, Right Place, Right TIME. Timing was off. Oh, well...feelings when real can be re-kindled (because your biggest puller, your chemistry, won't have changed any). Let's see what came next... "I never really asked him how his mom passed away, thinking it'd be too sensitive of a topic for him to talk about, but I heard it was cancer." OH: That would explain him wanting to rush...to combine girlfriend with Teddybear ("CUTE", right?). He needed the comfort. Aww. Still, it's no-one's fault. And you'd rather be just a girlfriend, not his free therapist (which never works because it's against that stage of the pairbonding programme; that kind of loyalty (from time-to-time I should add swiftly) is for when you're married). Two very separate roles and dynamics - oil and water, in fact. "He is a very strong person mentally, and he always made attempts to remain happy despite his circumstances, but I know how hard it was for him." Yeah. Poor lad. "I feel like I added to his stress and burden when he was going through such a bad period in his life rather than being supportive." Awwww. :( Don't worry though - his mental muscles will be even bigger for it. And clearly Fate wanted it that way (or you'd have met when it was the Right Time)." He told me he often cried regularly, started having fights with his dad, missed his mom a lot. I tried my best to listen to him, let him know I was there for him, basically spent entire days only really talking to him." Entire days? He did NOT get support from his dad, then? "I even used to sneak out of my house so that I could call him regularly lol." Pardon? Sneak out of the house in order to call a friend? Explain, please? "I read tens of hundreds of articles about how to make a relationship last, yet deep down I don’t feel like I did enough." No, because you're not a therapist whose time is paid-for. "He told me he loved me so much once out of nowhere, but I couldn’t say it back. I don’t know why, but I just couldn't, and I really regret it now." That's not logical. Past You couldn't say it. It's You NOW who can. "And I'm not the only one who supported him emotionally; he supported me a lot too during my surgery. I was really scared after the surgery, although it was a minor procedure, because it was my first time going through something like that, and he reassured me a lot." Ah, did he? Okay, that's good, I'm getting re-fond of him again, especially now I know he was secretly a huge, desperate, despairing mess. "He is over me now, I guess." Nnnnnnnnnnnnah. Doubt it. "I don’t know how he's doing, but last I heard, he's studying to be a doctor. I have so many things to tell him, but I don’t want to approach him; it'll be too painful for me." Why? Don't you think it'll be a relief, either way? "I cannot even listen to the songs I used to like during that time period because I just associate those songs with him, and break down crying. I had a close friend who started to like him after I became close with him, and a few months after i stopped talking with him, they hooked up." WHAAAAAAT???! Nice friend!...not. Or did he pick on her because he was trying to 'unstick you'? "Obviously, I broke my friendship with her. She used to gossip about me, spread rumours and try to turn all my friends against me during this period." Oh no, she's toxic. And he got lumbered/lumbered himself with her. Uh-oh... "She tried asking him to get into a relationship with her, and he dumped her, saying that he didn’t like her romantically." OH! Right - call him now! I mean, I'll read ahead but - crikey - this guy was ABSOLUTELY determined to get you! And, courtesy of the time-gap from then to now, at least he knows his little tricks and mind-games didn't work (he's probably grown out of that anyway). " And that girl tried to become friends with me again, and since we have many classes in school together I just tolerated her till the end of the session in order to be cordial, and then I blocked her." Did you explain you were about to block, and why? Or just do it...like a guillotine coming down on her? " She told me once that he told her that he hates me now and doesn’t ever want to contact me again," B*LLOCKS! She WOULD say that, wouldn't she! She wouldn't want you to succeed where she failed! What a crock. " because he thinks I led him on although that was never my intention :(." He probably said something like, '...and at one point I wondered if she was leading me on, but then...', but this toxic girl gave you just a sound-byte (or lied outright). "And she is super possessive over him (basically claims him to be hers) so if I ever attempt to even talk to him all hell will break loose and she’d spread rumours about me all over again." Hell would break loose? "How do I basically get over him once and for all? I do have hobbies and work on self-improvement, although everyone has bad days, and perhaps I'm just going through one such bad day right now." Get over him? Why? She's a liar. He's crazy over you - that's WHY YOU have to be the one dissuaded from making an advance on HIM. He probably told her stuff to mention to you as would ENCOURAGE you! Can`'t you phone him secretly and ASK him what he said - and tell him what she's actually said? But back to - hell break loose HOW?

How to get over first love?

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How old are all three of you now, btw? Important to know - cheers.

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