Recently got divorced, and I have conflicting feelings

Im 32. Mom of a 7-year-old beautiful girl. I recently got divorced. Thankfully, it wasn't messy like most divorces. And I have a good-paying job, so life isn't that bad for the two of us. I don't know if I feel free, happy, or sad. Either way, I'm exploring myself now. Mostly online. Talking with new people. Watching naughty videos (I didn't watch those when I was married). a new chapter in my life. enjoying myself alone. But I feel very lonely. And I don't know how to explain all this, but I thought this was a good place to get some advice. Last night, I was going to wash my daughter before bed. She is old enough to do it alone, so usually I let her do it herself. For some reason, she was too lazy to get into the tub and wash herself. I had to undress her and wash her. I haven't done it in ages. Understanding her, seeing her naked, and touching her. It makes me feel things I shouldn't feel as a mother. I don't know what to do or what to say. I thought this was the right place to get some advice. Please be kind. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I haven't hurt anyone in my life. Thank you.

Hi, Mara! No-one is going to be unkind to you on my watch (nor the invisible Moderators). No reason to, either - you feel bad about it. If you didn't - or did yet kept repeating it - THEN you'd have a problem. Plus, everyone here is a big Empath (with mental muscles); it'd have to be a passing troll (and still, they wouldn't succeed or get away with it). Relaxez-Vous. :) "I'm 32. Mom of a 7-year-old beautiful girl. I recently got divorced. Thankfully, it wasn't messy like most divorces. And I have a good-paying job, so life isn't that bad for the two of us. I don't know if I feel free, happy, or sad. Either way, I'm exploring myself now. Mostly online. Talking with new people. Watching naughty videos (I didn't watch those when I was married). a new chapter in my life. enjoying myself alone. But I feel very lonely. And I don't know how to explain all this, but I thought this was a good place to get some advice. Last night, I was going to wash my daughter before bed. She is old enough to do it alone, so usually I let her do it herself. For some reason, she was too lazy to get into the tub and wash herself. I had to undress her and wash her. I haven't done it in ages. Understanding her, seeing her naked, and touching her. It makes me feel things I shouldn't feel as a mother. I don't know what to do or what to say." Thirty-two: the female sexually-rampant years (increase in libido, can be even higher than 18-yr-old males). Used to having 'sex-on-tap' OR, conversely, used to being starved that way. Been through a trauma (never mind the non-messiness - it's still the No. 1 trauma (unless you're disorganised and then it's moving house LOL)), which can increase your libido MAJORLY (to do with the survival instinct when under threat - quick, spread more genes! - hence why birthrates are highest in war-zones). Result - one touch and you're instantly getting the urge. Divorce means the marriage was not good and high maintenance, which can take quite a chunk of your attention away from your kid...in your head, your kid kind-of stays the same age as just before the trouble started (called Stasis). Daughter wasn't being lazy. Divorce is far bigger/heavier for wee ones than adults, makes them worry (amongst loads of other things) that YOU'RE going to eventually leave them as well...They can regress into a more toddler state (e.g. "wash me, mummy"...sucking their thumb again, sleeping with a night-light...all of that) and are just desperate for more affection and vocal reassurance. I expect the bath incident/interest came from the fact it featured a little bit of a surprise to you at how she'd grown (since last time you bathed her), BUT, with you already being permanently turned-on - and factoring in how bad and expectant of a mob-mauling you feel, I'm concluding: BAD TIMING. Does that explain it?

(PS: You wouldn't have DONE anything. But with your big trauma, you'll be at the grieving stage that includes Catastrophising.) Anyway - thoughts?