I love boyfriend but not in love, I stay so I won’t be lonely

We’ve been together for 1.5 years, he’s great, and I enjoy our time together, unfortunately I don’t think I’m in love with him. But I don’t want to finish with him because I’ll miss him, and I will have no one to talk to at all. I don’t have any friends as such, certainly no one I can confide in. I know it’s selfish, but I don’t know what else to do. I feel we are more like best friends than lovers. We never have sex, only oral. He has ED. We are both in our early 40s.

It sounds like you're facing a challenging situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling conflicted. It's important to prioritize your own feelings and well-being while also considering your partner's feelings.

Hey there!! Loneliness isn't a joke, and the thought of being alone can be scary! I think the answer here is simple. It might be painful in the way that removing a bandage can be, but in order for you to heal and move forward, it will benefit you to break it off with this guy if you don't love him. It isn't necessarily selfish to want to spend time with him; you're lonely and you enjoy his company. Did you love him in the past? It might hurt in the short-term, but I think you'll both be happier as friends in the long run. It sounds like you could use time to learn how to be alone with yourself and who you are, what you like, and what you want out of life. If you pursue things that interest you, you're almost guaranteed to find friends along the way! You just have to take that scary first step. Do you have any cool hobbies or have qny ideas of things you'd like to try? Give what YOU want some thought and put other people out of your mind.

It’s weird because before I met him I was single for over 10 years, but I guess having someone to talk to and have things in common with is nice and I don’t want to give that up. I’m having a really hard time with self esteem issues and depression right now, so the thought of letting the one thing that kind of helps go, is hard. I love him, but do I see myself growing old with him and moving in? I’m really not sure.

I don't think you have to take a scorched-earth approach to this, unless he wants to completely cut it off. If you didn't have friends during that 10 years before you met him, it would make sense you'd grow attached to him even if there wasn't a spark holding it together. Was there ever a spark with him? If you really want to make this work, you could try rekindling the relationship; go out dancing, see movies, have a picnic, a beach trip, whatever would bring the two of you together and shake things up a little. If you try that (or don't) and still think you'd work better as friends, tell him. If you get along it's a relationship worth preserving.

I agree with Grig! Who says you have to end it? Is HE complaining? Doesn't sound like it? Is being "cuddling/kissing friends" so bad, given the signs that that's all he seems to want, too? Or is it that you're missing having sex? Or missing romance? (Or both?) Alternatively (or additionally), was he your 'port in a storm' after the failure of a previous relationship? (Are you a divorcee, with or without kids, or unmarried?)