Taboo sex thoughts. Why am i like this?!

Ok this is really hard to confess too. When i (f) masterbate i think of my step dad. I seem to really get off on it. I’m not attracted to him, he is very old now. But he has been in my life since I was very young, I’m in my 40s now. And no as far as I’m aware he has never touched me in any way so it’s not like trauma making me do this. I must be really messed up in the head i guess. I just need to understand why I do it

Hey! I understand this is probably really worrying you, but you sound perfectly normal and alright to me. Power is sexy, and if that dynamic interests you there are plenty of safe, healthy ways to explore it, including the way you have been on your own, or any kinks (like roleplay) that catch your attention. Even if it feels a little weird, just remember: your fantasies are just that, and are completely harmless when they stay fantasies.