No sex

I’ve not had sex for four days. Been arguing with hubby and sleeping in separate beds. We Started talking again and I said, Get yourself ready for sex, He said whoo as if he wasn’t bothered. It really hurt me because I thought he would want it then he said, You can’t expect me to just go on as if nothing has happened. We did not have it and I know he was tired but I thought he would want it after so long. He reached out for my hand earlier in the evening but did not touch me anywhere else. I thought he would be thinking because he hasn’t had sex for four days he would want to touch me and want sex. We ended up arguing again because I felt neglected and not wanted and he ended up cuddling me in bed later on. He had fell a sleep on the couch earlier on when he reached out for my hand and I know he gets tired with work but I think he does not want me like he used to or he is cheating on me. He denies both snd says he wants me and is committed to me and us and he has never cheated. He is in his late 50s and I’m early 50s. I think I want sex more than him and think we might not be compatible in the bedroom. He used to look at porn a lot but denies he is doing it now. I think he might be and if he is he will not want it with me after looking at that has I’m not like them women in looks or body and he would be tired if masturbating over it. Would anyone else worry if there partner did not want sex if not had it for four days and wouldn’t they want to be touching there partner after so long? I feel ugly and not wanted by him.

Hi! I think for anyone here to offer any useful advice/feedback you're going to need to explain what the argument was about, what started it, who started it (and in what manner), and who reacted, and additionally, how long it had gone on for (saying whether non-stop or in bits) before you and he made peace. You're totally anonymous (too many "yous" in the world in your same situation, both present and recent past) so - go for it. :)

Four days without sex and/or intimacy is not really a long time although I suppose it does depend the needs and expectations of each person. I think there may be wider issues/s here in your relationship that dont have anything directly to do with sex or intimacy but may be affecting this part of your relationship. An open and honest talk with your partner about this in my opinion is a good first step if you havne't done this already and even seeking advise from a relationship expert or counsellor (or even good friend) if needed. From what I've heard and from what I imagine this is pretty common and I think there could be a lots of things that get in the way of an intimate relationship. An honest discussion with your partner I really recommend. If he is committed to you as you say this will be as important to him as it is to you. I would advise against making accusations or jumping to conclusions about this issue as this probably won't do either person any good in the long run and can just inflame the situation and make things worse. Being honest can help you identify any issues that are there that are hindering this part of your relationship. It may even be like you said he is often tired from work or he may simply not want to have sex as much as you are expecting or wanting it. There are ofcourse lots of other ways you can share affection and intimacy between you instead of actual sex and also how people show intimacy and affection is different depending on the person so knowing how your partner does is useful to know. To also touch on the issue of sexual compatibility you mentioned. Yea from what I've heard this is a very real thing, however I think if sex between you was something that was previously fine and this is more a recent issue then I don't think that it is that at all. If it was it would likely have been pretty evident early on in the relationship. Full disclosure I haven't myself been in a long term relationlship. I'm sure you will get responses here from people that are or have been or are. I'm just saying what is coming to my mind from hearing from people about relationhips over the years. Naturally I suppose you stay atuned to these things because you one day want to be in one yourself. I hope this helps in some way and wish you both the best of luck to work through it good luck

I still would need to hear the details. Otherwise - maybe he couldn't snap out of it as fast as you could because, say, the argument was too intense and slightly traumatised him, and, being more sensitive than you, just needs a bit more time and space. Or maybe he's Narcissistic and because he knows how important frequent sex is to you, is deliberately withholding as a more-subtle-than-usual form of Silent Treatment (punishment). Maybe he's got a worrying lump on his phee-phoo and just isn't ready to tell you thus make it real? Yup, more data please. PS: Thanks Sean, and please do more responses - that was good and comprehensive (in case it indeed is all perfectly benign)!

(PPS: Are you a Kiwi, Sean?)

The argument was started by me. We had gone to an out door swimming pool where there was 4 women in about there 30s. I saw my husband looking over a couple of times at them and even over my shoulder at them. I asked him if he knew any of them which he replied he did not. I felt he had looked to often and it was getting me down and he said. You’re not starting this again are you. He has looked at women before in front of me like I am invisible when I am with him and it makes me feel so insecure. He tells me he loves me and only wants me yet he still does it. He done it on holiday looking a cross at a woman and he pretended he was looking at the food. He had a smirk on his face at the time so I knew it wasn’t the food it was the women. He done it when we were out with our son and was looking across at a woman. She was looking back and it was like if I was not there. I wonder if I want if he would want to go with these women. It’s like he as no respect for me at all and whilst I know it is normal to look and find another person attractive you dont keep looking and looking like he as. It was bad enough to find porn on his laptop years a go and I told him to stop but he didn’t and carried on doing it. It hurt me so much to think he did not give a shit how I felt and what it done to me. He says he does not want anyone else and just wants me. He is grey haired, over weight and average height so no great stunner. The argument had gone on and off for the four days and it was him who said something like, Can we get on or I don’t want to argue anymore. I can’t remember which one. I don’t know if he is trying to make me jealous when we are out or he just wants to keep looking at women so much that he can’t stop and never will. Telling him how I feel does not stop him. Me looking at other men yo do what he does to me does not stop him. Sometimes I think he does it because he really wants to go with another woman. He tells me he wants no one else but you don’t keep doing stuff to hurt your partner when they tell you what it does to them. I don’t do anything to hurt him or get him jealous. I’m sick of what he as put me through and hes getting older so when will it ever stop. As for having a lump down there no he hasn’t and I don’t know why Soulmate you came out with something like that but he as had his prostrate removed years a go.

Any replies to my topic?

Be with you asap. Meantime - why are you posting as Timmons AND Totoy?