Havent heard from him in days

Hi all, im going to provide some context before actually delving into the issue. I met this guy last summer on a dating app we really hit it off but he was only in my city for the summer and ended up going back home. Since then we have texted everyday, we call, ive spoken to his family members, essentially our communication is really good. We arent “boyfriend girlfriend” but im so happy with whatever it is we are lol it works for us (or me at least). Lowkey im in love with him but thats not important. Just to note, whenever either of us are busy and arent texting very well we tend to tell the other so that we are reassured. Now to the issue, the last time we texted (well he texted me) was three days ago. I am very well aware that that isnt enough time to freak out but for some reason I have a really bad feeling about it all. He is not the type to just ghost anyone and i would like to think that he wouldnt ghost me for nothing after almost a year of talking. Realistically i know that something has probably just come up and hes fine and when he can he will respond but its all just really stressing me out. I have the number of one of his family members but i dont want to be rash and text them asking if hes okay, especially since im not his girlfriend and dont want to overstep. I dont know what advice im looking for if im being honest. I would just talk to my sister about this usually but shes just gone on a trip and i dont want to make a big deal out of nothing. Im just overthinking and want to know what you all think i should do. Do you think its crazy of me to text his family member? I really dont want to, but i am so anxious about this and dont know what else to do other than just wait it out and see if he texts me. Thank u guys for reading/wanting to help, i know this isnt very interesting lol but im just super nervous about it all.

Don’t message the family members!! That will look a bit weird. If you haven’t been blowing up his phone with texts, then I’d just casually text something like, Hey, haven’t heard from you in a few days, is everything ok? If you have been in communication every day, then I’d be worried too.

Yeah, I agree with Lil. Did you do it, RomanBlock? Did you get a response? What's happening?

Sorry guys for taking so long to update but here you go: I decided to text him the night of my original post to check in but he still didn't respond. Without having messaged them first, his family member actually texted me the next day and said that he was really sick and was actually in hospital (he is totally fine now just had a really really bad fever). They were saying that hes slowly getting better so I would hear from him soon and later that day he texted me explaining everything. He apologised for not keeping me in the loop but i told him he did not need to do that and that im just glad hes okay! I feel a little silly about it all but im just glad everything is good. Thank you both so much for trying to help me out, i genuinely really do appreciate it <3 I am so so glad i did not message the family member ugh can u imagine

Noooo, don't apologise - I've been furiously trying to find time to catch-up all this week, so, you leaving it a bit suits helps massively! Anyway, slow and steady 'wins the race' (when it's long-distance, which this stuff is). "I decided to text him the night of my original post to check in but he still didn't respond. Without having messaged them first, his family member actually texted me the next day and said that he was really sick and was actually in hospital (he is totally fine now just had a really really bad fever)." Immediately I smell a huge rat. Two of them. And they're bad actors... You text him again and instead of him responding, suddenly only THEN is it that the fam member shows the initiative that s/he could just as easily have shown you DAYS EARLIER. Yuh, right. You phone the Steady THE MINUTE he's taken to hospital. More respectfully yet - BEFORE taking him. So that YOU, the Steady with all the status that should bring, can go WITH him. What a crock. And why couldn't HE respond - on HIS phone? He got one of his (google) Flying Monkeys to do his dirty-work. To save him having to sound and act convincingly-enough like his story was true. And because he's busy with something or *someone* else and can't have any Con-blowing contact with you. Question: WHICH family member? And - back to - why couldn't HE be the one to respond, considering events proved it wasn't serious? Because - look how quickly he's bounced back. TOO quickly! You don't go to hospital when you have a fever, anyway. It means, a temperature. You take ibuprogen and paracetamol or codeine or aspirin or Night-Nurse, whatever. If a fever is serious - again - everyone knows to call the Steady. And you're ACTING like the girlfriend so have obviously been primed to FEEL like one. What....All the work and none of the perks (they're alll for him - including continuing to behave like he has zero obligation towards you/your feelings and sensitivities? But - stop press! They ALSO, EQUALLY know to call The Bessie Female Friend! So we've gottem WHATEVER way you look at this. Ergo, I do not believe him and his Flying Monkey. Wonder which one of them thought up that downright dense cover-story that contradicted itself all over the shop? Oh, are you not even worth the effort of a convincing fabrication? "He is not the type to just ghost anyone and i would like to think that he wouldnt ghost me for nothing after almost a year of talking." In other words - this feels too much like a ghosting AND YET. A Narc who felt they'd bagged you already would. You want something Casual. He wants to get away with 'murder' underneath the VEIL of Casual (for you alone, while he gets Steady). You SURE it was a family member? Again - which?? Did they say or are you quoting their (typically Narc) vagueness? Which hospital? Why don't you ring Admissions/Reception and ask if Mr X is still a patient (for his out-of-control (yet fast-to-sod-off and without after-effects) "fever"). See if they deny having had any patient of that name? "They were saying that hes slowly getting better" Yeah, but hang on. Don't forget THIS bit: "said that he was really sick and was actually in hospital (he is totally fine now just had a really really bad fever). They were saying that hes slowly getting better so I would hear from him soon and later that day he texted me explaining everything." Yeah...really sick...SLOWLY getting be- OH, WAIT, NO - HERE HE IS JUST A FEW HOURS LATER...SO FULL OF BEANS HE GIVES YOU THE FULL EXPLANATION! "He apologised for not keeping me in the loop but i told him he did not need to do that and that im just glad hes okay! I feel a little silly about it all but im just glad everything is good." Yeah-yeah, blah-blah, apology. But what was his EXPLANATION...for HIS (not his family!) having not kept you in the loop? Also - if a fever is 'admissable', rather than sent away with a prescription of said Temperature- and Inflammation-reducers, then, surely he'd have been admitted to Intensive Care? Which part of the hospital did HE say he'd been in? "Thank you both so much for trying to help me out, i genuinely really do appreciate it <3" Eee... Now I feel bad for having been the messenger of bad tidings. "I am so so glad i did not message the family member ugh can u imagine" Well, I don't personally get that. If it were MY Bestie, I'd definitely call them. Hell, I might even contact his Milkman! BUT, I get the meaning behind why Lil said NOOOO, and why I agreed. Because, again - only on the surface are you "just his friend", but UNDER the table, where he neither reciprocates properly (if at all) nor cooperates/executes his role-given duties - you're his Steady girlfriend. Seeing it? OTHERWISE!.... WHY DID HE FEEL IT NECESSARY TO ..........*APOLOGISE* LIKE HE KNOWS YOU KNOW HE KNOWS YOU KNOW (etc.) HE *SHOULD* AND *WHY*. Your Narc is either Low Functioning (thick as pig shite) or is not a Narc, just trying to play one for a while to see what it gets him ("no woman's ever gonna get the better of me again!......and my ex was Blonde so I'm never gonna date a Blonde, not neiver!...duuuuuh". (Solution - then buy her some hair dye - problem solved!) Well, he's either dumb or is playing dumb, in order to see what he can (whoops, oops) get away with. Can you see what I've seen, now? Really sorry if I've burst your bubble. Because, labels and his cheating (blurring lines) to have-his-cake-and-eat-it aside - even just a platonic, male Bessie (that was healthy-minded) would have thought of you and imagined you worrying at his uncharacteristic therefore very jarring, sudden radio silence. Certainly over 3 whole days. But his instantly making a full textual recovery is just....well, it's a DETAIL isn't it. And Malignant Narcs always-always drop the ball on that score. There again, they can do so deliberately when wanting to see how you react. That's manipulation AND it's cruel. With friends like him, who needs enemies?! Why does his (you initially thought) convenience mean so much to you at this juncture? Was your ex a Nex and you're not quite yet recovered? Or did the fauxlationship end only quite recently? This bozo's either a bit better than your Nex or quite a lot worse. Which, would you say? He's definitely finished "being convenient" ("How perfect he is for me, yayy!..............Oh, wait - where's he gone and who is THIS cruel, lying beepstard?!"). (PS: I'll give Lil the heads-up in case she didn't turn on the Alert button.)

Noooo, don't apologise - I've been furiously trying to find time to catch-up all this week, so, you leaving it a bit suits helps massively! Anyway, slow and steady 'wins the race' (when it's long-distance, which this stuff is). "I decided to text him the night of my original post to check in but he still didn't respond. Without having messaged them first, his family member actually texted me the next day and said that he was really sick and was actually in hospital (he is totally fine now just had a really really bad fever)." Immediately I smell a huge rat. Two of them. And they're bad actors... You text him again and instead of him responding, suddenly only THEN is it that the fam member shows the initiative that s/he could just as easily have shown you DAYS EARLIER. Yuh, right. You phone the Steady THE MINUTE he's taken to hospital. More respectfully yet - BEFORE taking him. So that YOU, the Steady with all the status that should bring, can go WITH him. What a crock. And why couldn't HE respond - on HIS phone? He got one of his (google) Flying Monkeys to do his dirty-work. To save him having to sound and act convincingly-enough like his story was true. And because he's busy with something or *someone* else and can't have any Con-blowing contact with you. Question: WHICH family member? And - back to - why couldn't HE be the one to respond, considering events proved it wasn't serious? Because - look how quickly he's bounced back. TOO quickly! You don't go to hospital when you have a fever, anyway. It means, a temperature. You take ibuprogen and paracetamol or codeine or aspirin or Night-Nurse, whatever. If a fever is serious - again - everyone knows to call the Steady. And you're ACTING like the girlfriend so have obviously been primed to FEEL like one. What....All the work and none of the perks (they're alll for him - including continuing to behave like he has zero obligation towards you/your feelings and sensitivities? But - stop press! They ALSO, EQUALLY know to call The Bessie Female Friend! So we've gottem WHATEVER way you look at this. Ergo, I do not believe him and his Flying Monkey. Wonder which one of them thought up that downright dense cover-story that contradicted itself all over the shop? Oh, are you not even worth the effort of a convincing fabrication? "He is not the type to just ghost anyone and i would like to think that he wouldnt ghost me for nothing after almost a year of talking." In other words - this feels too much like a ghosting AND YET. A Narc who felt they'd bagged you already would. You want something Casual. He wants to get away with 'murder' underneath the VEIL of Casual (for you alone, while he gets Steady). You SURE it was a family member? Again - which?? Did they say or are you quoting their (typically Narc) vagueness? Which hospital? Why don't you ring Admissions/Reception and ask if Mr X is still a patient (for his out-of-control (yet fast-to-sod-off and without after-effects) "fever"). See if they deny having had any patient of that name? "They were saying that hes slowly getting better" Yeah, but hang on. Don't forget THIS bit: "said that he was really sick and was actually in hospital (he is totally fine now just had a really really bad fever). They were saying that hes slowly getting better so I would hear from him soon and later that day he texted me explaining everything." Yeah...really sick...SLOWLY getting be- OH, WAIT, NO - HERE HE IS JUST A FEW HOURS LATER...SO FULL OF BEANS HE GIVES YOU THE FULL EXPLANATION! "He apologised for not keeping me in the loop but i told him he did not need to do that and that im just glad hes okay! I feel a little silly about it all but im just glad everything is good." Yeah-yeah, blah-blah, apology. But what was his EXPLANATION...for HIS (not his family!) having not kept you in the loop? Also - if a fever is 'admissable', rather than sent away with a prescription of said Temperature- and Inflammation-reducers, then, surely he'd have been admitted to Intensive Care? Which part of the hospital did HE say he'd been in? "Thank you both so much for trying to help me out, i genuinely really do appreciate it <3" Eee... Now I feel bad for having been the messenger of bad tidings. "I am so so glad i did not message the family member ugh can u imagine" Well, I don't personally get that. If it were MY Bestie, I'd definitely call them. Hell, I might even contact his Milkman! BUT, I get the meaning behind why Lil said NOOOO, and why I agreed. Because, again - only on the surface are you "just his friend", but UNDER the table, where he neither reciprocates properly (if at all) nor cooperates/executes his role-given duties - you're his Steady girlfriend. Seeing it? OTHERWISE!.... WHY DID HE FEEL IT NECESSARY TO ..........*APOLOGISE* LIKE HE KNOWS YOU KNOW HE KNOWS YOU KNOW (etc.) HE *SHOULD* AND *WHY*. Your Narc is either Low Functioning (thick as pig shite) or is not a Narc, just trying to play one for a while to see what it gets him ("no woman's ever gonna get the better of me again!......and my ex was Blonde so I'm never gonna date a Blonde, not neiver!...duuuuuh". (Solution - then buy her some hair dye - problem solved!) Well, he's either dumb or is playing dumb, in order to see what he can (whoops, oops) get away with. Can you see what I've seen, now? Really sorry if I've burst your bubble. Because, labels and his cheating (blurring lines) to have-his-cake-and-eat-it aside - even just a platonic, male Bessie (that was healthy-minded) would have thought of you and imagined you worrying at his uncharacteristic therefore very jarring, sudden radio silence. Certainly over 3 whole days. But his instantly making a full textual recovery is just....well, it's a DETAIL isn't it. And Malignant Narcs always-always drop the ball on that score. There again, they can do so deliberately when wanting to see how you react. That's manipulation AND it's cruel. With friends like him, who needs enemies?! Why does his (you initially thought) convenience mean so much to you at this juncture? Was your ex a Nex and you're not quite yet recovered? Or did the fauxlationship end only quite recently? This bozo's either a bit better than your Nex or quite a lot worse. Which, would you say? He's definitely finished "being convenient" ("How perfect he is for me, yayy!..............Oh, wait - where's he gone and who is THIS cruel, lying beepstard?!"). (PS: I'll give Lil the heads-up in case she didn't turn on the Alert button.)

PS: so WHAT if your sister's on a trip while her sister needs help? Oh my....Clues everywhere I look. I've seen ALL of this - all types, all characters, all roles, all ploys and behavioural packages per. And this "I woz in hospikal, no really I was" WITH Radio Silence AND Not At All Like Them AND an inconsistent storyline, is bloody typical. Note how you can't be mad at him because - OH, POOR, POORLY HIM, AWWWW....don't be MEAN to the ill wickle bunny or that'll make you a RIGHT cow! Aim, Fire, Bullseye. So now all he has to do if he wants to suddenly treat you like a Nothing that's not important FOR THREE WHOLE SODDING DAYS, is go, "Oh, but this drama happened, that calamatity - woe is mee, mummyyy" and he'll get off so slightly it's his getting away with it with no consequence. Me, I'd have rung this hospital to verify his 'stay'. BECAUSE it's a cheater's classic. Bet he's got LOOOADS of Bessies-with-bells-on, actually. And if he just wanted to be friends then why the sleeping together? And why be on a DA-TING SIIIIITE in the first place? NOTHING about this guy adds up. Caaaam on - spill, liddlelady? Who got you too used to being overlooked, duped, neglected in your past, whereby now, you're only JUST starting to think - Er - NO, actually, I do NOT want to be used and abused any more! Oh, and PSS. The fact you felt NERVOUS at the thought of doing what ANY Bessie would do when the person's been gone for what in context of his prior consistent behaviour makes it A BIG DEAL AND CAUSE FOR WORRY in that situation...(gaaaaasp!) is a glaring narc-victim symptom. Walking On Eggshells (go google, prefix "with Narcissist - "). They are everywhere, everywhere, everywhere, EVERYWHERE....they've all got over-cocky since Trump got voted in (rubber-stamped) as President, and now are luxuriating, unseen, in the long grass of global chaos, thick smoke and noise (AND distractio from everyone being worried thus a bit up their own a*ses), everywhere. *sigh* Sorry again, RomanBlock, but - join the club. What I suggest YOU now do is this: Take steps back. See/talk to him less. If he asks, you say something like this: 'I can forgive you, but I'm having trouble right now, forgetting. What you did really hurt me...would have hurt ANY best friend, even without the rest. So I need to step back a bit, give myself time to get over it. I'm sure you understand - right?'. A gentle, LOVING, but primarily SELF-LOVING message there.....as gentle as a cloud. You see, you don't need to be ANGRY to ensure you get around their emotionally-manipulated embargo against you giving them their deserved reaction/consequence. (BIG SELF-SATISFIED GRIN.) (Schtick with me, kiddo ;))