Failed again?

Hello! I have posted about my past relationship experience in great detail. @SoulMate I have missed you & I always remember you in my prayers. So, a month ago, I made a dating profile which is actually meant for marriage. The concept is that it is a religious app for singles to seek a partner. I got connected to some people but we our interests were different. 20 days ago, I matched with a person. He was charming, polite, and just amazing! He was so amazing that I was like this is too good to be true. He had all the right answers. Within 1 day he picked a nick name for me. He was calling me "Ma Cherie". He was very understanding. He said that he used to drink for 4 years. And that too on the second day. He told me that he has a bad relation with his father. His father was never there for him. His mother paid for all expenses and she did all of the upbringing. The parents still live together. He is 35. I am 28. He is in a different city which is pretty unsafe. So I had my concerns. He is saving up money. Doesn't have a car. Lives on rent etc. But is earning a bit more than me. Enough for 4 people. During the starting days, we starting asking about my past etc. I was honest about it. He consoled me and tried to be there. He asked me a lot of questions. Then he expressed how he wanted the finances to be open. He wanted a joint account. I got a bit uncomfortable. Because I do want the financial independence. I make hourly pay and I support my family. But I couldn't tell him that I support my brother & parents right now. Plus, joint account can be opened but after I can build a certain level of trust. He asked me if I would like to contribute financially if ever needed. I said obviously. And then everything was fine. We became very close. I sent his mother a cake on mother's day. I made him a guitar song on 2 weeks anniversary. Because for the first time I thought that okay, good people exist. But somehow, idk why. I used to tell him this too, that I feel like you are saying these words but I cant feel them. Not in his eyes. Not in his voice. And how can someone say "I love you" and "this is it" "You are it" in like 3 days? Well he said you should trust me and so I did. He would call me day & night. My work got really affected. We would talk for hours. He talked a lot about physical stuff too. But he said I have never been in a relationship, never had a girlfriend, never touched someone. I believed him. He did tell me that he talked to 60-70 girls about marriage. He also told me that I am very pretty and he is not even 5% as pretty as I am. He said he doesnt want a trophy wife. The wife should always work. Should always have a job/goals etc. He said that he wants a child in the first year since he is 35. I told him about my work that I run ads etc. He asked me if I could teach him. That was weird. Because in the past, I have been used a lot. He said that he wants to earn some passive income so maybe I can teach him. Well, I never did. because I was so sleep deprived. My hours weren't complete. Then yesterday, I asked him very clearly that what are his expectations from me. Because I could literally feel something was off. He said he has 3. 1. I should be head over heels for him 2. I should contribute financially. He will pay for groceries and basics. He will will also support his parents. I will pay for luxuries. Vacations, anything expensive, even clothes & shoes are luxuries to him. I said what. Clothes too? He said yes. 3. We will do everything together. Buy everything. Move to another country, hustle together. All finances shared. The thing is. I didnt have an issue. I have always believed in sharing finances. It is tough out there. But in our society. Men tend to exploit this. He asked me if it would be okay if in the future he earns less than me. or if he is a stay at home dad after starting a business. I told him that why is he always so pessimistic. Like we can always aim for a good future. The entire time he promised me and gave me his word, no matter what, he will sort everything and never leave. So, yesterday, taking a leap of faith. I told him it will be hard for me. To contribute equally or finances. Joint accounts. I would not always want to work. Like this is supposed to be a choice. Plus he wants a baby in the first year. And where I live & how I have lived, it is pretty comfortable. He said we will be partners. equal. You will give me 100% love and then I will give your 100% love. He also asked me about my extended family. And what were the family problems and issues. I was uncomfortable. My identity is what I know. I dont talk to my extended family. Anyways, I told him that I will make contributions where absolutely necessary. Buying groceries & a trip to China are not proportionate. So I asked him will that work. Because he said "everything is perfect". Well, this morning he said I want us to continue but you will have to contribute. And that I cannot make promises. I told him that again, very pessimistic. This isn't something that we cannot sort. Maybe plan better. Maybe he can invest because he is making more. or maybe he can start a business. He said that "we will start a business". I said look, you told me something, I gave you an answer. Please think about it. As a woman, that too in a super conservative country. I will have to take care of the household, the kids, maybe have some goals. But I cannot sleep every night thinking how will I pay for something tomorrow. Like why is he making everything so "room mate like". Again, I didnt tell him my actual views. I spend a lot. I am independent. And take care of my parents. He kept me waiting for 11 hours today. And said "No". I dont accept what you have said. Dont hate me. So, I just left. Was I wrong? Am I the problematic one? Is this my fault? I will go above and beyond for someone I love. But why can't someone else. He didnt even say happy mothers day to me for my mom. He didnt do anything. It was all talk. Dont buy me stuff. But atleast... actions should tell me something.... Is it my fault? Should I go back?

Hi again, HHK! Snowed under at the mo-, with you as soon as possible but now might not be until Wednesday. Remember you're allowed to say Hi and offer feedback/opinions/play interviewer to generate more clarity/important details, on other poster's as-yet-unanswered threads and vice-versa, while you're waiting? You wouldn't be a sweetie and show the waiting Newbies (I've just posted them a quick reassurer) how it's done (free-for-all), would you?

Hello! That is perfectly fine. I know life can get busy. I have replied to some threads & I will be replying to more. Just 1 more thing about me. My mother is really worried. She constantly tells me that I am turning 29 and still not married. That I am getting old. It breaks my heart and makes me anxious. I feel like I am old. I am no good. It stresses me out. It derails me. It is the reason why I jumped back into dating. That is why I connected to the person I mentioned above. Because I am scared that I will be too old for marriage. Should I feel like this? I want escape. I dont know what to do. She wants a prince for me. Where will I find that prince. I dont know how to. I dont want to celebrate my birthday. I hate it now. Because now, I feel like oh I will be 29 and then 30 next year. Still single.....

Allo you! Be with you shortly....have to feed the cat - am training a ferral...going excellently so far AND OMG SHE'S SO PRETTY AND TWEE AND SWEET-NATURED...and VERY fast to learn. (No, you can't she's mine haha.) Could see in her face/eyes she's been mistreated and/or abandoned. Well...she's getting a nightly 5-star restaurant and looking more and more "showcat" each week (been about 5 mths now)....Homemade Fish Stew tonight, with a bit of brocolli, spinach and potato blended into the fish water to make a slightly thick sauce...She bloody loves my cooking, she does.... (I'm all carrot and no stick...stick isn't necessary unless they 'go rogue')... and lots of cooing...and she's getting bolder with me, too. Me, I've just been playing it cool and unthratening...pretending, like, Nothing to see here, no biggie, not interested in anything but feeding/spoiling and respecting you, tum-tee-tum....'. She gave me the 'smiling' Cat 'I love you face' last night: sat just staring at me with half-closed eyes, paws under the body (not ready to flee) ....spent a good 30 mins mooning at me. I started to feel a bit "awks" after a while, ran out of cooing things to say... it was hilarious....'Yeah, alright, luv - doesn't mean we're engaged or anything', hahaha. But I rewarded her for her new-found trust with seconds (t'was my chicken casserole). The night before she got Fillet Steak, no less (doggy bag from lunch out...I didn't even want the steak, really...just wanted to spoil her...."Why, Am-bass-a-dorrrr, wiz zeze Ferrer Rocher yeu arr really SPOILING us!" LOL. It's paying-off, though. Takes the patience of a saint with the injured, but, I love training animals (used to live right next to the woods as a teen and made an animal rescue shelter out of one of the sheds) and showing them that not all humans are bstds. And I bloody adore cats, I do. They don't THROW themselves at you like dogs (nor dribble on you and lick your face right after... you know how it goes, I'm sure), but once you've got their trust and if you always treat them very respectfully (like you would another human, I kid you not) - you're IN and they're THE most affectionate, most human-like pet on the planet. Anyhoo - back in 10 or so... Haven't read yet - shall go in para by para as per... 15 if she wants seconds again.... Honestly, wish I could show you and everyone a photo. (Haha, just realised I sound like a new parent!)

Rightie-ho, here we go... (unless it's another Narc and then it's - Earwigo)... Postez-inez-vous... "I have posted about my past relationship experience in great detail. @SoulMate I have missed you & I always remember you in my prayers." Ahh... :) But - don't YOU start! HAHAHAH. Or you'll get a portion of fish stew, hahahahaha! Wait up - .... Hey, maybe your prayers got me kittycat??? You never know? "So, a month ago, I made a dating profile which is actually meant for marriage. The concept is that it is a religious app for singles to seek a partner." But I thought you were coming round to the idea of pursuing your ambitions first? Or are you too gagging to start a family and THEN get into your career once they start full-time school? Fine if you are - best, most important, most involving, fascinating, rewarding job in the world, Mothering (and Fathering). I always say, If you think parenting is boring, you ain't doing it right. However, bear in mind that Narcs gets everywhere, and especially like infiltrating religious communities (well, after Victim Groups, e.g. Outreach Coffee Mornings) so you can't rely on whichever environment to do your self-protecting for you, it has to come from you and your newly-eyes-wide-open innards). "I got connected to some people but we our interests were different. 20 days ago, I matched with a person. He was charming, polite, and just amazing! He was so amazing that I was like this is too good to be true." I was JUST ABOUT to type - Red Flag, Red Flag (which, just so's we're clear, means, cause for concern, pausing, proceeding with the utmost of caution, rather than, condemned already). "He had all the right answers." Hmm. Riiiiight. Okayyyy.... ("Wow, - what were the ucking chances!?") (Answer: VERY RARE..takes 2 years plus to learn and cultivate all the right answers..and even then it won't be 'all', it'll be 'most' or 'enough') (PS: it infuriates me that Narcs mimic the otherwise possible (albeit rare) Love At First Sight. They ruin bloody everything good and sacred, they do. AS WE SEE WORLDWIDE RIGHT NOW, BIG-FAT-EH! Red Flag. " Within 1 day he picked a nick name for me." MASSIVE RED FLAG, RED LIGHTS, SIRENS, ARREST, POLICE CELLS, STATEMENT...SENTANCE, GAVEL ("BANG!" Take him down!).......CASE CLOSED!!! A MEGA example of Rushed (and Forced) Intimacy! I think that's the fastest I've seen, actually. And that's the problem with interweb dating sites. They're too perfect for players and/or pretenders, either gender, looking for someone to humiliate and bully. And a victim of his own Narc would NEVER fling themselves like that...too busy still hiding behind the sofa for starters! Good gal for coming here. (Don't mean to sound condescending, but, good woman doesn't cut it.) Anyway, now is just looking for confirmation...more supportive signs...and pinpointing his type (psst, newbie FckdupLil is understandably skeptical over whether I really can tell what they are, which type, what they're going to do/try next, over the ether. (Truth is - you should see what I can see and do if I get one of their text-exchanges or emails pasted-in! That's my forte.) Anyway, I should bring her over here, then, because, CLEARLY, so can you now! You see? It is NOT hard, even after just realising and reading/being tutored for a few weeks, after which, you know ENOUGH in terms of Red Flags. Now is just finding yet more confirmation. "He was calling me "Ma Cherie"." ....LIKE THIS ONE! Wow, he's REALLY trying to get under your skin and create false intimacy in record time! Just been chucked, has he?...wanting to plonk another blow-up doll into the other side of the bed before he has a nervous breakdown? If that's what's homing in on you from your profile then I think it'd be a good idea for you to post your profile blurb (not the stock data but the wordy bit, with all identicatory info. omitted, obviously). I'll check it over and suggest alternative wording. It could be a sign it's too soon for you, however. You can feel Recovered before you actually are, before you've naturally re-couped and re-adjusted your vocab and dialogue to suit Old You (With New Bells On). (TICK!) " He was very understanding." NOT! Just pretending....mimicking an understanding man. (TICK!) Because.......Understanding men don't throw themselves at you like that (refer to, still hiding behind the sofa). Could scare YOU off. Another reason a normal, sane and healthy man who thinks you're unique and special wouldn't DARE do that - in case he lost you before he'd even begun. He would would WANT to take things at their normal pace or even a bit slower than normal....and loads of other things 'n stuff. So - NO. NOT understanding. Conning. He's the predator so why would he be wary. He's the OTT opposite...coming at you like a nuclear BOMB already! New Mantra: "I know I'm gorgeous, but I ain't THAT gorgeous. No stranger is. (So cut the Pepe Le Pew bullshit!)". " He said that he used to drink for 4 years. And that too on the second day." The Pity Ploy STRAIGHT OFF THE BAT. Narc-Spath. (I told you - they're everywhere! Also - latest data - been a Covert into Spath explosion (know that some Spaths aren't narcissistic..conning, yes, mistreating - got more important things to do, e.g., like grift/steal some more). Makes dating harder UNLESS you go where Narcs don't go. OUTDOOFACE TO FACE before approaching!...where you've got the other 83 percent of sensory data signals to judge them by!...yes, that's right - verbal communication is only 17 piddly pcent of all human-human comms. So that's why Narcs love the web, where normal men do it because they lack time or are post-Narc and lacking confidence. This one is too fast too soon - "MWAAAP, MWAAAP, MWAAAP"....THIS BUILDING SELF-DESTRUCT IN T MINUS 20 SECONDS..."MWAAAP, MWAAAP, MWAAAP...". A RIDICULOUS PACE. Bet he's been chucked out of his ex's/Primary Supplier's house/flat. Meme: No-one falls in-love faster than a Narc needing a place to sleep or a permanent roof over their head. In actual fact, that's just a huge perk; these types would sleep up a tree or in someone's garage, quite happily, when in between prey....one which saves them funding their own rent and living. Secret Gigalos/Parasites. (Psst!....Ask him to list all his faults - especially those cited by his exes and nearest & dearest...Bet they'll be self-flattering per se or how they're put.... "Generous to a fault" / "Yeah? Ignore your faults rather than tackle them, do ya, Mr Perfect? Why - cos they don't hurt or hassle YOU?" :p") "He told me that he has a bad relation with his father." What are you - his free therapist? And this is why this is such a glaring Red Flag. A NORMAL man wants to (wait for it....this is ground-shaking news - not)....IMPRESS THE WOMAN (and vice-versa) on meeting and first-dating! Boo-Hoo, Mummy, Pity Meeeee, is NOT sexy, is NOT dating behaviour. It's Narc to degree of, Predator. "His father was never there for him." Probably a projetion. Or someone else's story. Maybe his last victim. Or a whole mish-mash of victim's stories. "His mother paid for all expenses and she did all of the upbringing. The parents still live together." NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS...THE OPPOSITE OF YOUR BUSINESS AT THIS PREMAPREMAPREMATURE POINT! "He is 35. I am 28. He is in a different city which is pretty unsafe." Yup. How much distance in Miles, please? He could be trying to find someone, quick, to distract a 'girlfriend' (or wife?) from how he's been misbehaving, by creating a threat (you, the nearly-Mistress), mutineer her focus onto avoiding (the beeping galling injustice!) of being the one to be dumped when that's HER right and only hers! "So I had my concerns." Well done. Seriously. You're a GOOD learner! (Haven't had a chance to read your thread replies yet, btw, but will do as soon as I've done this. :)) "He is saving up money." Yeah. Courtesy of you, I'll bet. NOW SEE FCKDUPLIL'S THREAD and wonder if it's him! Haha...you know what I mean...the rigid plot, screenplay, narrative and diaglogue every time, regardless of type/preferred luring style. "Doesn't have a car. Lives on rent etc. But is earning a bit more than me. Enough for 4 people." But not enough for a car. Yuh, right. He said, he said, he said ...'I asked the liar if he was lying and he said No...Asked him if he was telling the truth and he said Yes'. "During the starting days, we starting asking about my past etc." Casing 'the joint' before burglarising. "I was honest about it." In future, don't be. It's none of his business while he is still a STRANGER. Just as you become Steadies is when it's his business. Or you can wait until he's collected enough "Love Credits" in his bank account with Bank Of You, to know he's trustworthy and worth confiding-and-investing in. Meme: Anything you say to a Narc WILL be taken down and used against you at whatever point. "He consoled me and tried to be there. He asked me a lot of questions. Then he expressed how he wanted the finances to be open. He wanted a joint account. I got a bit uncomfortable. Because I do want the financial independence. I make hourly pay and I support my family. But I couldn't tell him that I support my brother & parents right now." TALKING FINANCES?! (AND wanting them "open"?!) WHAT THE SERIOUS UCK?! AND DOES HE WANT A KIDNEY AND THE KEYS TO YOUR FRONT DOOR WHILST HE'S AT IT???!!! ******* RUN!!!! ******* I hope you have already? Gonna read ahead now... "Plus, joint account can be opened but after I can build a certain level of trust. He asked me if I would like to contribute financially if ever needed. I said obviously. And then everything was fine." Sorry - what? Contribute? WHAT? "We became very close. I sent his mother a cake on mother's day." WHAT?! "I made him a guitar song on 2 weeks anniversary." WHAAAAT?!! WHAT WERE YOU DOINGGGGGG???? HE'S STILL MOREOVER A COMPLETE STRANGER! "Because for the first time I thought that okay, good people exist." Not THAT fast? (See above post re my ferrel kitkat!) "But somehow, idk why. I used to tell him this too, that I feel like you are saying these words but I cant feel them. Not in his eyes. Not in his voice. And how can someone say "I love you" and "this is it" "You are it" in like 3 days?" Someone who just wants a live blow-up doll, behind-closed-doors funder, someone to misuse, abuse and bully and make feel like shite so that his sick-sick mind can feel less like the Broken Loser-Parasite he is in-comparison. "Well he said you should trust me and so I did." Giant Red Flag. Trust has to be earned which takes TIME. Not piddly days and weeks. He's a stranger. And a dangerous one. " He would call me day & night." WOULD? - oh good, it's over - phhhhhhhhhhhhhew! "My work got really affected. We would talk for hours. (TICK! - NO LIFE, INTENT ON BAGGING YOU, DESPERATE, NO DOUBT BRASSIC...). "He talked a lot about physical stuff too. But he said I have never been in a relationship, never had a girlfriend, never touched someone." LIAR. "I believed him. He did tell me that he talked to 60-70 girls about marriage." NSPATH REVEAL RED FLAG! If he's talked to 60-70 girls then chances are, at least ONE of them would have let him touch them. But define 'touch'...The Covert is a wordsmith, he might mean touched as in, got into her heart (genuinely the right way). " He also told me that I am very pretty and he is not even 5% as pretty as I am." Now ask yourself: what was wrong with 'you are very pretty' FULL-STOP? (See? The faked Pedestal.) "He said he doesnt want a trophy wife. The wife should always work." Yeah, because she'd have to support HIM as well as herself and the kids (workhorse). WOW, HE WAS REALLY RUSHING WITH TRYING TO PRIME YOU. Talk about Tsunami?! " Should always have a job/goals etc. He said that he wants a child in the first year since he is 35." LIAR. (When I say that, it's because his attitudes and behaviours don't gel with his statement.) "I told him about my work that I run ads etc. He asked me if I could teach him. That was weird. Because in the past, I have been used a lot. He said that he wants to earn some passive income so maybe I can teach him. Well, I never did. because I was so sleep deprived. My hours weren't complete." Tell him (if you haven't, yourself, already) I said: 'Uck off, User-Parasite-Ruiner-Clown-Loser. And while I'm at it - WHO *ARE* YOU? Don't want MUCH for a stranger (and FROM a stranger), do ya!'. There is Rushing Intimacy (with nothing but Intensity), and then there's THIS...specimen! "Then yesterday, I asked him very clearly that what are his expectations from me. Because I could literally feel something was off." God bless your gut-instinct! " He said he has 3." He hasn't done the long-road work to have ANY yet! (Over-over-over-entitlement alert!) "1. I should be head over heels for him" Not that we're taking any of his drivel seriously now, but - 'Him-him-him and what HE not just wants but INSISTS on! What about, he should be head-over for YOU? Strangely missing. I mean, if you're GOING to have that level of chutzpah, at least vice-versa it!? "2. I should contribute financially. He will pay for groceries and basics." No, he won't. You will. But he'll call it Us/We. " He will will also support his parents." No, he won't. You will. "I will pay for luxuries. Vacations, anything expensive, even clothes & shoes are luxuries to him. I said what. Clothes too? He said yes." Is he for-real?! "3. We will do everything together. Buy everything. Move to another country, hustle together. All finances shared." Hustle? He used the word Hustle? "The thing is. I didnt have an issue. I have always believed in sharing finances. It is tough out there. But in our society. Men tend to exploit this." Yes, because your culture's high on Narcs. The British Empire ex-pat influence, maybe? He asked me if it would be okay if in the future he earns less than me. or if he is a stay at home dad after starting a business." Yuck. Thinks you'll AGREE to be his lackey. Next he'd have been putting it as a condition in a Pre-Nuptual! So now you see....this 'serious' dating-site just enables your malignant, even predatory, Narcs, TO rush at this ridiculously face-paced like this - due to the expectation that you COME ready for all this hyper-over-intimacy (type fake). Talk about, saving them a whole heap of (nowadays boring) work. Called Wooing, Provindg himself as consistently nice, Earning Your Trust, etc. This site must be HEAVING with veterans who want an Insta-Victim, ye gods. In future, don't go on any site that doesn't do bona-fide VETTING of its members. And one where it's paid-for, not free. Just because you're looking for a spouse, doesn't mean you're a Sure Thing already. It's Arranged Dating (With A View), not Arranged Marriage, ffs. But really, I'm just indulging in going, EW! and YIKES! now. They never cease to morbidly repulse yet intrigue me. Be honest...did you let this nonsense run in order to see what would unfurl (or in his case, crash open)? "I told him that why is he always so pessimistic. Like we can always aim for a good future." His type doesn't need to. 'Romantic Relationships' (Fauxlationships) ARE his career job! "The entire time he promised me and gave me his word, no matter what, he will sort everything and never leave. So, yesterday, taking a leap of faith. I told him it will be hard for me. To contribute equally or finances. Joint accounts. I would not always want to work. Like this is supposed to be a choice. Plus he wants a baby in the first year. And where I live & how I have lived, it is pretty comfortable. He said we will be partners. equal. You will give me 100% love and then I will give your 100% love." 1. DAMN right! 2. He's thinking he has carte blanche to actually map out every area of your future! 3. It quickly devolved into not even just Priming, didn't it. Just DEMANDING! 4. He'll give you 100 percent misery and doing the work of two adults, unsupported in all meanings of the word. Cor, you really encouraged him, didn't you. I'm seriously thinking you did it unknowingly-deliberately...or even knowingly?...but blinkered yourself from that fact so as to see more. Seriously, this is the fastest and most full-on I think I've ever seen (bulldozer-ed by a Sherman Tank, anyone?) (Said I was going to read ahead but he keeps making me fall off my chair!) "He also asked me about my extended family. And what were the family problems and issues. I was uncomfortable. My identity is what I know. I dont talk to my extended family." Look at how he's putting the feelers out. He intended to take serious advantage of more than just you...your whole family and relatives! See? That's what happens if you seem to come "ready-roasted". They don't bother to slow-cook you in the saucepan of water (Boiled Frog Syndrome). They just TUCK STRAIGHT IN! "Anyways, I told him that I will make contributions where absolutely necessary. Buying groceries & a trip to China are not proportionate." HAHAHAHAHA - NICELY PUT! And, actually, quite a lot like confronting for the purposes of interrogating (yeah, I gotcha, Little Miss Morbidly-Inquisitive - the gig's up, haha.) "So I asked him will that work. Because he said "everything is perfect". HAHA! "Well, this morning he said I want us to continue but you will have to contribute. And that I cannot make promises." YEAH? WELL NEITHER CAN YOU! " I told him that again, very pessimistic. This isn't something that we cannot sort. Maybe plan better. Maybe he can invest because he is making more. or maybe he can start a business. He said that "we will start a business"." LIAR. Fobviously (sp intentional>), he has no intention, HENCE wanting to basically get you committed to being the sole workorse, when it comes to....EVERYTHING. Tell him you want a Dowry of XXX Thousand. That oughta do it. Or tell him you're pregnant. Especially if you haven't slept with him yet. And when he points that out, say, 'YEAH, I KNOWWWW....YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT THIS, AREN'T YOU!' (:p) "I said look, you told me something, I gave you an answer. Please think about it. As a woman, that too in a super conservative country. I will have to take care of the household, the kids, maybe have some goals. But I cannot sleep every night thinking how will I pay for something tomorrow. Like why is he making everything so "room mate like". " Am liking your confrontational, demand-bombing style A...LLLLOT. :) "Again, I didnt tell him my actual views. I spend a lot. I am independent. And take care of my parents." I think at that point, you kinda just did, actually. "He kept me waiting for 11 hours today. And said "No". I dont accept what you have said. Dont hate me." (No, do.) "So, I just left." HIGHEST FIVE! "Was I wrong? " Ah, come ooon. Course you weren't. "Am I the problematic one? Is this my fault? I will go above and beyond for someone I love. But why can't someone else. He didnt even say happy mothers day to me for my mom. He didnt do anything. It was all talk." Your fault in not bothering to interview him and give him a 3-month trial. But that's the underlying fault of the site and what it (is not qualified) to guarantee (good men wanting a serious relationship with-prospects). Nope, not the problematic one. But again, I suspect you, somewhere inside of you, let that run as long as it did, deliberately. Why? Answer: your sass and then the way you SO EASILY 'just left'. ('And you'd have got away with it too if it hadn't been for this meddling kid - hahaha...only joshing'.) "Dont buy me stuff. But atleast... actions should tell me something.... Is it my fault? Should I go back?" What - to finish your studies? Well, what do you think now I've responded? Plus, if you really wanted to go back, you wouldn't have presented this Narc-on-a-Plate to me, would you now. You just lack experience 'in the wild', that's all. But be more careful and slow it RIGHT down (2 years normal contact/dating before engagement...another 2 years engagement period). Make any man wait and hae to EARN it. Healthy men PREFER to work first, play after. It makes play after, that much more special and delicious.... "Look at my new that I wash and polish faithfully or hours every single Sunday. Cost me an arm-n-a-leg, it did....Have to do overtime for two whole years to finally get this baby!" He's a Reliant Robin with a wheel missing. You're a (in-the-making) Lambourghini. He's only crash you. And for you, he wouldn't get you from A to even A.01, let alone B...or Z. UGH. "Neeeext!"........... Let me see your profile. Something in it made you a target. Let's get rid of that vibe AND you letting them rush. SORTED! Next time (not that we're done here), tell me BEFORE you go on a dating site and use this as a daily diary of good and bad stuff. That was risky to say the least. You haven't just dodged another bullet, but a ....well, Sherman Tank, like I said. Have a lie-down - I would? HAHAHAH. And then afterwards, email him to thank him kindly for having offered his over-entitled, mad-as-a-pigging-lorry-load-of-fruitcake self as your free-of-charge, Narcissistic-Sociopathic aka Giant A*sehole, research test-subject (and that he's passed). :D And then wait for his head to explode. BUT NOT IF HE KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE. But - Hmm. You're clever without realising it. With your actions. Methinks you're all Spock and need to get he and Kirk re-acquainted. THEY'RE the ones need the relationship. Because you got feelings of huge misgiving all along there, but didn't really grasp why. That or you don't want to admit he was just homework because that'd make YOU a user? Hardly. Unlike him/it - you went onto that site with pure intentions. What a repulsive not-person, yeeeee-UCK. Worse than your ex. WAY worse! And yet the same. It's all about degrees, innit. I think you should forget about dating - unless you let me supervise/coach you. But it's better to just be ready, completely healed, not even any haemoglobin-releasing scabs, so that the sharks WON'T make a beeline (eh?) for you. Yeah? However, if you're acting-out your urge to research live ones - pray continue but, ditto. Without the all-round experience, you'll need a secret weapon, just to be really safe. But - HAHAHAHA - YOU CONNED AND PLAYED AN NSPATH!...while he thought he was priming you! Love it!

I seriously think you should think about becoming a Police Detective. Underneath the supreme femininity, you're one little roughtie-toughtie, aren't you. :) And too clever for Narcs. Tell your mother not to worry, that a proven talent-spotter reckons you're going to go far and do NOT need a man. (I mean - OBVIOUSLY there's two of you in there!) Which means you can just choose with total freedom what you WANT. And take your sweet time. Here's your comeback to all the 'worried' relatives when they ask, 'Why aren't you in a relationship/married yet?': Because I'm over-qualified. (*Owned* haha)

PS: I can see very clearly what your inner animal (and you) did, btw. You very quickly lulled him into a false sense of security - acting like you loved him and were his already - so that he felt he could drop the act (let you peek under the mask). Here - did he stipulate that you'd have to wipe his bottom every time he did a poo, as well? (Wouldn't have put it past THIS one.) You really "honey-ed" him out, didn't you. Changed my mind. Private Detective - including Honey Pot-ing. Loads of money, fast. Save up quickly, marry sooner, sprog sooner. Cake AND eat it, almost. (THAT would shut the nagging rellies up, wouldn't it, eh? Haha. ..."My neice is a Private Detective, doncha know......Oh, no - no boyfriend....doesn't have time for that yet....too many important cases to solve". (Rolls eyes.)

Sounds like you're doing an amazing job with your new furry friend! I can't wait to hear more about your adventures together. Give her some extra cuddles from me! Your messages really cheered me up SOULMATE! I wish I was this smart lol. Well, I cant say that I did trust my gut this time. But, no, my feelings were true. The app is a "Halal dating app" for muslim people for marriage only. So, my expectations were that only serious people would join. Plus it is being promoted so much right now. Yes, you are right in a way that I am the one to be blamed. I did let him do his NARC stuff. I allowed him. I kept my eyes close for 19 days. but on 20th day. I couldn't anymore. 3 reasons. 1. My family is worried about my age and they kind of pity me. My friends are married. All of them. So even though I really dont want to commit. I was somehow priming my brain to give it a chance. It is a safe space so I guess I can tell you that personally I am considering of moving out and going to the UK. I am working towards the plan. ON MY OWN. I dont want a husband for finances or location. 2. I liked the attention. Plus, I was like wow.... Was I missing this the whole time. I thought maybe because this is a halal app, the person is 35, he is serious for marriage... that coupled with all the romantic Mr. Darcy and charming British Characters I have seen, I thought this might be true... Or maybe I was telling myself. 3. He was so good with words. And had he not talked about finances, or told me that he wasn't in a relationship before. It was really good. Like if he was a genuine person. I might have attachment issues too. It is hard for me to let go. So, I got attached too quickly. Sending a cake & recording a song is very problematic. Kind of makes me desperate. But, I wanted to do it. Because he was good with words, and I believe in actions. So 3rd reason is that I did get attached. And... No. The fact that I cried when I blocked him and regretted. I am not that strong. The only, SOLE, reason why I didnt unblock him was because I was waiting for your answer. Every hour I would think of unblocking him. The irony is that you just said that "Well you cant make a promise about finances too, if he can't." This thought didnt cross my mind. I didn't even argue. Why did I leave so fast. I have deleted my profile. I dont want to do this. It is too heavy, too demanding of me. I feel like I am being auctioned. My Bio said something like "I want to work after marriage. It's not just about finances, it is about the mental freedom. Women can excel at everything so I would like to have that equal chance". This is one of the lines ^. Our culture can be very toxic, so I was putting it out there that I want to work. But where did I mention that my finances were theirs?? Or that I will contribute financially?? I also mentioned my education. So I have studied from one of the best universities in the world. It is super hard to get in. He was impressed. He was also impressed with my research on tech. I love immersive tech and he didn't know much. Also, I am a data analyst. So, he kept asking me what can be a good way to move out. What will be my plans. Sometimes it was sweet. Sometimes it felt like as if he wanted an answer for himself. Yes, I have felt lonely. But not because of myself. Because of my friends. They constantly tell me to get married, send me snaps, tell me stories of how fun their life is. And when I tell about my life goals. Well, they tell me how impossible they are. So maybe that made me feel uncomfortable. My Ex, he never showed me a quarter of the attention I received in 20 days from this person. Soulmate, actually, I think it was good for me. I got to know how actual attention, if I ever get, how would that be. That I can be positive about dating. Maybe there is an amazing person out there. somewhere. I did think of unblocking him, even though he is a manipulator. A bad one. Because somewhere in my head, I was like, maybe I can also be loved. Fake love, but still something. And, OMG, thankfully I didn't. This was going to be a quick fix. But in long term, I would have suffered. I would have been miserable. I always argue with my mom. Either you let me give myself a chance to build something better for myself. Or, you make me get married and see me suffer, build nothing, and see me broke. A single, secure life is better than a divorced, single mom life. And yes, I am gullible. But sometimes, Idk how, there is this voice that confronts. This time I really trusted my inner instinct. Because the last time, I ignored it until everything was damaged. Did you know. Are the start. Like when I connected with this person on the APP. It felt like I am cheating on my EX. Something is very wrong with my brian. I just want to run away now. I want my memories to go away. I want a happy peaceful life. Just a question Soulmate. Do you think that making a financial contribution is not good? For a wife? Or the timing of this discussion was wrong? What should be acceptable? What should be the roles? I am from a society where there is no difference between girls and cattle. I dont know what is a right ask. How much should I work or give, or invest in a relationship. So, what do you think? Should women contribute? If yes, then why, how, when? And what should the roles be like? And when a man asks, why do you want to get married. What should be the answer. Especially in a arranged marriage situation? I would really like you to coach me. Just letting you know that I dont want to use that App anymore. I deleted it. I am working on moving abroad. But, I want to know what you think. It might help me guide some of the women here. Because everybody has a right to life. If you are empowering me, I will empower others. Also, sorry, do you think I might become a NARC too? A manipulator? Nowadays I cant trust anyone. I really dont want to become one. I hope I am not taking too much of your time. Cats are amazing btw. I will get myself one when I am able to afford the expenses. Because a cat deserves the best life haha. They are like kids. Love them. Give your cat a pat from me. Again, thank you for being here. Will be waiting for you.

Nearly forgot!... Also, a normal man does NOT tell you what you should bring to the table. It's for him to tell you what HE would bring to the table - and then you (if judging him as having passed muster), telling him what YOU'D bring. If - on top of sexual chemistry - your luggage matches - you're a match IN THEORY and just need it PROVEN in practise, in reality,... repeated, sustained, and until he's so consistent he's mover-than-not, totally predictable. Predictable makes for trust. Unpredictable, including lacking the working-human regard, respect, understanding for social rules of conduct/interaction and even taboos, is the mark of the insane. Think Rabid dog. Not normal, not like other dogs - unpredictable = Mad AND Bad (as in Dangerous). PS: Did you actually ever MEET this guy or was this all over the net? I'm assuming you met him, but, these days it's hard to tell.

Hello Again! Hope the furry friend is fine. I left a message right before your last post. It has a lot of questions & details. Please if you get time, I would love your feedback. You are right. If I approach someone, I would always think about what can I provide. He was a NARC... It was always him him him. The same goes for my ex. No, I have never met him. He lives 1600kms away. I just matched on the app (Explanation in the last message), talked over call & video call. Roughly 3 weeks.

"No, I have never met him. He lives 1600kms away. I just matched on the app (Explanation in the last message), talked over call & video call. Roughly 3 weeks." EX-cell-ent... Before blocking him everywhere, text him this (to rub it in that YOU were the dumper, ec-tually, just shockingly cleverer and with more finesse about it than he could ever dream of...haha - Inferior, much?...OMG, he must have steam coming out of his ears, haha!!!). REALLY take the piss: "I'm pregnant and it can only be yours". Or even more subtly: "Was it something I said? ;p " Or - "Has anyone ever told you you're not of this century?" On a more serious note - you really ought report him to the owners of this app, as it's too obvious he's a romantic predator-conman-parasite. And you have typed proof, don't you? (That ought to finish him off in terms of smashing his evil mojo.) Oh wait - I've got it (what I was trying to coin): You switched the adoration to rope and kept feeding it to him, until he (inevitably) hung himself. (As per the Engrish saying, Give 'em enough rope and they'll hang themselves.) Here we go: You didn't go in with this intention, but - You've just out-conned a conman. (100 Gold Stars on your forehead.) SERIOUSLY think about going into Police Detecting or Army Special Ops or something? Anyway - have I addressed/answered everything? Oh wait - about pusscat: No, she's closing the distance between she and I - every day in fact - but I'm not AT touching her stage yet. I'm happy to take things very slowly. You have you with abused/betrayed animals. But she is the one making all the moves, now. Tonight after eating (fish stew, chicken biscuits, then salmon, then tuna mousse) (wonder if she's preggers?), she laid down on her side, really close to my sitting-room glass doors and just eye-smiled at me (and I'd eye-smile back). And then I'd turn my attention back to my lap top. But I kept getting that -being watched- feeling and, yup, sure enough - I'd catch her mid-studying me intently while I was typing away. It's my fatal charm, you know.... That or my whiskers? hahahah! I certainly will keep you posted! You've earned it. :)))))))))

Ah, no, I haven't finished. Right - I'll be back tomorrow!

Wait a min (brushing my teeth)....got the killer line: "Cor...Talked to 60-70 girls (under 12, were they?) and not so much as a fumble. Must be because they could tell you've just crawled out of the Dark Ages." or "Must have been somethings you said." Or this one: "Mother is SO disappointed. But not half as much as yours, if she knew what you were like" Or (cor yeah?)... "I need to come clean about something: I'm a Transgender." (Hand Grenade, anyone? :D) Or here's a pro-feminist one: "Women, they have many faults But Narc Men - only two: Everything they say And everything they do" (Thankyouyou'vebinnawon'erfulaudience)

...or "I've been thinking... (we women do that sometimes).... You should try, Find-A-Geisha dot com" (perhaps adding) "So that you can beep off and leave healthy women be, dot conman" (Feel free to join in at any time, btw? :D)

HAHAHAHAH.... Or this: "Oh, wait - when you said you'd pay for groceries if I paid for luxuries like a trip to China - did you actually just mean the local Chinese Takeaway?" (perhaps adding) "....(you luddy letard)". OR (I could go all night, me, haha): "Are you actually a transgender? Is that why you're so insistent on being a kept woman?" He was VILE, though, wasn't he?! Guh-ROOOOUGH. Or maybe he's an android and his programmer was getting on a bit...

..."Next time you see your best friend, Henry The Eighth - Tell him you want your money back cos it didn't work"

Oh for goodness' sake! I've only just realised that somehow a huge, long chunk is missing from my message - May 27 2024 at 01:57. (That's why I said, Have I covered everything.) Ach, I'll have to do it over. Will try tonight, otherwise late tomorrow night. Sorry about that. But, just for now - no: read it again - it wasn't you fault - it's the website's, via its marketing team and advertising agency, for having fed its customers a clearly HIGLY false sense of security like that, which makes it a case of "an ENFORCED error". I mean - come ooon! First bloke, and he's a (clearly abusive) Narc-Spath? And what an who wants a serious relationship would bother looking so far outside of his area! All YOU did was believe them! And as I say - how many MORE of their new customer base is this nasty predator corrently mid-duping? You should email them a complaint letter, insist on not only getting your money back but compensation for the very risky situation you could have found yourself in. If they're new, I doubt they'll want bad publicity. Check your country's Advertising Standards and Consumer Protection Laws. As they're a brand-new company, they might even chuck a load of money at you. Quite right too if they're going to make such foolish outright AND tacit claims like that. I mean, this bozo clearly didn't intend a RELATIONSHIP, let alone marriage. Just emotionally-enforced slavery hidden behind a label. Maybe they'll take decisions less lightly in future because of you. I would. Or even the Police. (Go on, gal - start a revolution! :))

PS: A Domestic Conman is still a Conman. Whether he snatches and makes your (health and) money in one chunk, or siphons it over a period of weeks/months/years - same difference. (WEEKS, the hurry this one was in!) Do coolly and casually mention to either authority, that you're a member of an highly influential, long-established, British-owned, International, non-profit-making (charity), webtsite Forum, and that its their senior staff who've advised you - ON your long-haul thread in front of 'everyone' - that the thing to do is to report him, woncha. That oughda do it (strokes White cat).

It's happened again! I KNOW I write 'makes *off with* your (health and) money' but now it's gone! (Gremlins.) Oh and also, that its members and lurkers are all waiting with bated breath to see how your country's Police deal with this and things like it (adds another White cat). And that we're all survivors and whistle-blowers. (3rd cat)

Bump! Haven't forgotten you - am still playing catch-up...

...And still (internet probs and guests) - be with you tomorrow!

Righto - back to the bits that went AWOL.... "Your messages really cheered me up SOULMATE! I wish I was this smart lol. Well, I cant say that I did trust my gut this time." Er......I've just finished doing a Scooby Doo sum-up of HOW smart you are! You don't even need your internal Captain Kirk to consult with Spock; they're sodding telepathic! You're all instinct, your self-awareness of what you're suddenly up to or why, doesn't even need to be involved! (I'm telling you - you come from a long line of victim-survivors of Narcs...and you're so incredibly furtive; in fact, invisible. You "Out-Narc The Narc" basically in your sleep! Intelligence is in the actions.... "But, no, my feelings were true. The app is a "Halal dating app" for muslim people for marriage only. So, my expectations were that only serious people would join. Plus it is being promoted so much right now." Yes, of course they were AT FIRST. That's what I'm saying: you just go with your instinct and feelings and say and do the natural responses and reflex reactions; you don't find yourself censored, but then, why would you NEED to, when you have such a ladylike way of countering their verbal nonsense. That (seemingly) Friendly Interrogation of yours...the way you put things... was genius...so much so you made him have to admit that if you *weren*'t prepared to "be defeatist with him" in taking it for granted you'd end up single-handledly supporting him as well as you and any kids (PRICELESS! :D...you reframed thus foiled his manipulation attempt by instead *insulting* his attitude from an angle/in a way that he *wasn't* expecting and hadn't been coming from, and clearly didn't like, which basically spelt this: 'You're underestimating yourself wildly, don't you think? I mean - you're not a Loser so why are you talking and plannig like one?'...cue Ego Injury! :D) (Yes, you are right in a way that I am the one to be blamed. I did let him do his NARC stuff. I allowed him. I kept my eyes close for 19 days. but on 20th day. I couldn't anymore.) (Dealt with/countered, already.) "3 reasons. 1. My family is worried about my age and they kind of pity me. My friends are married. All of them. So even though I really dont want to commit. I was somehow priming my brain to give it a chance. It is a safe space so I guess I can tell you that personally I am considering of moving out and going to the UK." YESSSSS! And you'll fit right in! You're WAY TOO advanced of your culture and peers to stay in it...Talk about sat on and kept small from all angles. "I am working towards the plan. ON MY OWN." YESSSSSS! "I dont want a husband for finances or location." And therefore, neither do you want a supersized baby who hides his dysfunction by making YOU do his share of chores, duties and responsibilities so that he can lie around, painting his nails like a kept (adulterating) housewife. Because if YOU can change your life with a brave move like that (- I've done it twice, once at just 20 and then again 3 years ago, so I know), then, what's wrong with HIM that he doesn't even HAVE a work ethic! ...except when it comes to making a woman his personal, secret, workhorse/lackey. Oh, THEN they can lift a finger, note! I shall rename you Beyonce The Second. :) But again - not YET you don't want a husband (which was not what he was offering, anyway, just servitude using the LURE of marriage for women like you who are (hahahaha!!!) "Old Maids" thus time-pressured). Where you're headed, career-wise, you need youthful energy on your side. YOU? You can afford to wait. Plus, with your natural, instinctive, DIPLOMACY, SUBTLY and SPIN-ABILITY as you out-play them at psychological Chess whilst under serious fire, as normally dumbs one DOWN but in your case sharpens you up - AND your love of hard work - you will do AMAZINGLY in business, especially London or Birmingham/wherever. You showed this one, just like the last one, that you could run RINGS around his manipulative playbook and in the absence of a normal, equal dynamic - if ANYONE was GOING to be in-charge, it was going to be YOU. You don't just pour water on their firework, you slather it with honey...laced with ego-poison. :) By the time your ovaries start nagging at you and forcing you to be see babies everwhere, etc., you won't "need" a husband AT ALL so you'll be free to bump into and fall in mutual love, NATURALLY, with a man you *want*, OR be a single parent who just has a perpetual, non-live-in boyfriend 20 minutes down the road from you and stays over/vice-versa...basically best of both worlds but NOT cake-and-it-eat whereby it's not 100% consensual. How cushy is THAT! ...'Wish you were as clever as me'... You already are, my luv, you already are...you just need to continue getting to really know yourself and your strengths so that you can self-analyse what you were up to, during or straight after, and won't need an interpretor (moi); you'll be telling ME how cunningly clever you were and I'll just be confirming and agreeing with you. And you're only...er, I've forgotten. Probably because you're no way your on-paper age, you're a classic Old Soul of a Fighter (in-disguise at first as Fawner), who was born endowed with the wisdom and flexibility of God-knows how many as-sharp-as-uck ancestors. Your Auto-Pilot is like a Chess champion. ('Don't be so negative - you're not a loser, ARE YOU?'. Love it, makes me laugh and air-punch every time I think about it.) Again, I'm too impressed. Even more so now you've done it twice in-a-row, meaning it was no fluke, just, YOU. :) "2. I liked the attention." Who wouldn't! Particularly as you'd been over-starved by the first one. That's when Narcs GET ya. Listen, Jesus himself got sucked-in, only to get betrayed (the duplicitous, weak-livered, greedy Judas) (and, ref stupid victimising lately of Jews on the basis they (pff!) killed Jesus - the Council members who put him to unfair trial, A FEW of whom happened to be Jewish, yes, were a whole Narc nest, and Narcs destroying anything and anyone do-gooding and sacred was the problem, not ethnicity or religion). So if even HE was fooled (for a bit) then betrayed, whilst deserving the exact opposite - what would make YOU so special as to be exempt when it comes to the psychological conning stakes? "Plus, I was like wow.... Was I missing this the whole time." Yup. Universally-common stuff. "I thought maybe because this is a halal app, the person is 35, he is serious for marriage... that coupled with all the romantic Mr. Darcy and charming British Characters I have seen, I thought this might be true... Or maybe I was telling myself." No, it seemed true. You don't tend to live every day eyeing every person you meet through a state of high skepticism, cynicism and suspicion, do you (and why should you when most people are normal) so, with that "lofty website's" tacit recommendation of him - how WOULD you have known except through sampling it? You will next time. You'll have faith in the fact you can handle ANY idiot so will just bear it in mind and be ready for it. Not that you even need to be ready for it, as I say, when you can 'shapeshift' on them like that through having a NUMBER of self-defence scripts/moves in your hard-wiring. But, as for the website: That's customer neglect to point of aiding and abetting a social predator-abuser. The fault is with him with the aid of that misleading website. For all you know, it's sold as easier for victims but, secretly - even subconsciously - is accidentally-on-purpose biased towards predators who are too lazy and self-entitled even to cast their fishing-line, let alone get themselves to the various fishing ponds, let alone doing the work to keep any fish fed and alive. (In fact, I wouldn't have put it past this one, if you HAD ended up married to him, not to have shouted, "Mummy, I'm finished!" from the loo every time, expecting to have his Royal Highness's bottom wiped. "3. He was so good with words." Yup, they are. But you're better. :) "And had he not talked about finances, or told me that he wasn't in a relationship before." No, they always tell you "the small print" AFTER you've bought and test-driven them (while in "FAKE", let alone "best", foot forward" mode). I.e. too late because you're dangerously hooked so it's going to cause injury if you back out and away. "It was really good. Like if he was a genuine person." *sigh*....Yup. I know. But, remember - it was good because he was faking being a male YOU..."Mirroring" you. You sampled yourself, parrotted and copied. AND IT FELT REALLY GOOD AND GENUINE (safe). Yeah...your fault he turned out to be a domestic nutter...yeah, sure.... (yawn). "I might have attachment issues too." You're attached to this forum, aren't you?...or so all the evidence says? So - no. It's just that cultural and family pressure (nag-nag-nag-nag-nag...repetition to that extent over that long a period, brainwashes and gets in and affects your thinking/decisions/actions). Try this: "People, listen up! Any of you nags me ONE MORE TIME, just ONE MORE TIME over my not being married yet and I'll deliberately stay a spinster just to piss you off! I'm ALREADY married! TO MYSELF! .....so come on - who's gonna try me?...". It was 'your fault' for being alive and just minding your own business, at the same time as he was alive and in the same place. There! Will that suffice? Hope so because - beyond that, I ain't budging. :p "It is hard for me to let go. So, I got attached too quickly. Sending a cake & recording a song is very problematic. Kind of makes me desperate. But, I wanted to do it. Because he was good with words, and I believe in actions. So 3rd reason is that I did get attached." I know. Because you ARE desperate, but only for someone to love and spoil because it makes you as well as the other person feel good. No, the way it played and the result show that you yourself had to keep yourself convinced so that you did those big gestures naturally thus concinvingly (and thus put HIM into a false sense of security). If you hadn't 'stayed convinced', you wouldn't have let yourself (unless you've stopped thinking of (google) "Reactive abuse" (which is self-defense in these cases) as Not Nice & Ladylike. Your inner animal/warrior ran the show again for the second time, and did the same, sudden but imperceptibly seamless shift in aim and agenda. Conscious You just hadn't received or read the Memo, that's all. Takes TIME to get with the programme/realise, when your inner animal's ahead of you (and of him). And, yes, he IS a giant Loser. And Dominator. "And... No. The fact that I cried when I blocked him and regretted. I am not that strong. The only, SOLE, reason why I didnt unblock him was because I was waiting for your answer. Every hour I would think of unblocking him." Oh, trust me - plenty DON'T wait and use my absence as their excuse to give into their impatience and lack of willpower. Because they don't want to, can't get with the real programme as instantly as you. So they can't. All you're acheiving with your insistence is, convincing me more when I don't even NEED any more convincing. Actions are the only reliable evidence and you deflated him and made him run away from YOU, haha! COURSE you cried when you blocked him. You had to push a madman off a cliff when you realised he had nefarious plans for you, like your ex, but that doesn't ignore the fact you'd beforehand become attached as well as a bit addicted. Just proves you're the healthy one. My point is - DESPITE you knew it would hurt, you did it.... interrogated him over a cliff. Doing the right thing no matter what, no matter if it (short-term) hurts YOU, is very rare and commendable, actually. (They really NEED your type in Y.U.K. right now - to tip the balance of power between real adults and these stunted, perpetually angry and jumped-up kids misguidedly given positions of power over people's happiness, that they of course misuse and abuse).) "The irony is that you just said that "Well you cant make a promise about finances too, if he can't." This thought didnt cross my mind. I didn't even argue. Why did I leave so fast." Again, that's my impressed point: you don't even need thinking time nor even to know what you're somehow carried-away with doing or why. You're effectively doing it in your sleep. What matters is this: your default is Lovely and Nurturing but you have an integral, really switched-on Bodyguard/Bouncer for if or when you need it. Don't be ashamed of that, be proud and accept it. Certainly don't admonish yourself for it by blaming yourself when - YOU WEREN'T THE ONE WITH BAD INTENTIONS WHO STARTED IT. You just finished it. ;)))) "I have deleted my profile. I dont want to do this. It is too heavy, too demanding of me. I feel like I am being auctioned." I'll bet. "My Bio said something like "I want to work after marriage. It's not just about finances, it is about the mental freedom. Women can excel at everything so I would like to have that equal chance". That was both reassuring for any normal equal-partner-to-be but simultaneously PERFECT for his evil little plan because that meant you wouldn't even have to be PUSHED into (Outdoors) servitude i.e. Be Da Man - you'd willingly walk. But his intentions and aims were the complete opposite to yours. HIS fault, and the website's for failure to vet and thereby live up to their marketing and advertising. But why even mention your work ethic that far ahead? They can ask you that DURING THE DATE, which is what it's for (Part 1 of the minimum tri-parted Interview). The first date is to see if the chemistry is compatible and there's nothing off-putting about them. Goals don't get discussed until joining lives is *actually* on the cards because they're ready to propose. In person or on a dating site: don't be so quick to tell and show a mere romantic applicant everything all in one go. Dispense these, as mere snippets, like choccie-drops in ongoing reward for proof of good behaviour. Trust has to be earned - by both EFFORT and TIME/PATIENCE. As you can see: in the wrong hands, perfectly normal disclosures about onesself can actually be you supplying them with extra missiles to bomb you with. At the same time, if the interviewee happens to be healthy, you won't take all the mystique out of it by 'handing yourself (comprised of everything there is to know about you) over on a plate'. Wait for him to ask. And then, if it's beyond his business at that point, say, all (mock) tongue-in-cheek, 'Ah-hah...right now - that's for me to know and you to find out!' Healthy men like to feel they've worked hard thus EARNED their rights and privileges, including knowledge about you. Keep your mouth as closed as possible because it's YOU who needs to know, get a sense of, work out, HIM. You're still Nature's Selector of the pairbonding duo (that part of our wiring's still 'caveman and cavewoman', never been updated to suit modern lifestyles (have happened faster than the wiring can self-alter) so that makes HIM the Interviewee. And THAT is why women in the 50s let the man do most of the talking while they mostly just listened. Because that's what the Interviewer does: asks the questions that the Applicant is expected to answer and pays bloody close attention to the answer, supporting (or not) body-lingo....all of that. You're SWEET and intelligent already so if you add Mysterious: wooooooaaaaaaah, what a combo! Even for interviewing. You're not the only one these days though, giving too much info away too early, just because it's not polite or whatever, not to answer or not to lay all your cards on the table when they SEEM to be doing so themselves. Change your thinking: where premature intel is concerned, think - who wants to know and why, given it's not your business yet because we're not about to get engaged already? "This is one of the lines ^. Our culture can be very toxic, so I was putting it out there that I want to work. But where did I mention that my finances were theirs?? Or that I will contribute financially??" NOWHERE. It's whether and how they can TWIST your words to mean. They interpret everything through their lens of uber-egotism and over-over-defensiveness ("Narc - Hit or be hit"). "I also mentioned my education. So I have studied from one of the best universities in the world. It is super hard to get in. He was impressed. He was also impressed with my research on tech. I love immersive tech and he didn't know much. Also, I am a data analyst." Ohhhhh, no wonder you don't have analysis left over for this crap! That dept in your head is already fully occupied. Oh well, then - carry on presenting and I'll carry on translating your inner (Good) Terminator for you. I'd be very happy to - I'm loving hearing about these Great White Shark (suddenly up-from-under/out-of-nowhere) style counter-ambushes of yours! So, he kept asking me what can be a good way to move out. What will be my plans. Sometimes it was sweet. Sometimes it felt like as if he wanted an answer for himself. Yes, I have felt lonely. But not because of myself. Because of my friends. They constantly tell me to get married, send me snaps, tell me stories of how fun their life is. And when I tell about my life goals. Well, they tell me how impossible they are. So maybe that made me feel uncomfortable. My Ex, he never showed me a quarter of the attention I received in 20 days from this person. Soulmate, actually, I think it was good for me. I got to know how actual attention, if I ever get, how would that be. That I can be positive about dating. Maybe there is an amazing person out there. somewhere. "I did think of unblocking him, even though he is a manipulator. A bad one. Because somewhere in my head, I was like, maybe I can also be loved. Fake love, but still something." Over-starved, enough to want to eat WAX fruit. Yes. That's just survivalistically resourceful in the absence of anything else. But it's your your mind working out all your options. You chose the star option, anyway. You analyse at lightning speed, compared to the average victim, and sleepwalk with one eye open. I seriously think you'd make it big as a Domestic and/or Serious Crime detective. Undercover Detective for-sure! They clearly wouldn't see you coming and you could talk yourself out of danger AND snatch their power like most people move their fringe out of their eyes. "And, OMG, thankfully I didn't." Yeah - can you IMAGINE?! "This was going to be a quick fix. But in long term, I would have suffered. I would have been miserable." See? Too intelligent to con, except for a wee bit (which has been foreshortened thanks to your first experience and the rate you learn at). "I always argue with my mom." Ah-haaah, there we go then - good practise! "Either you let me give myself a chance to build something better for myself. Or, you make me get married and see me suffer, build nothing, and see me broke." She CAN'T make you. Nobody could! Maybe you felt like she could before now. But - nah. Make way, Alpha mother, the new Alpha female is coming through! She'll have to accept your exceptional (oh nooo, how terribllllle). "A single, secure life is better than a divorced, single mom life." Nah. You could handle being a single mum just fine. You're two people in there. (Here - can you chat with yourself and get answers you didn't know you had in you?) You MIGHT, in fact, just be looking FOR relationships that don't last so THAT you don't have to be wed to have a child (WHEN the time comes). I mean, all Narcs come under sociopathy (little S) which DOES require being mishapen by human hands more than the (otherwise ever-dormant) genetic disposition. So you might just be looking for signs of great genes underneath all that conscious corruption? It happens. You want to think about finding a nice, gay guy best friend (SUPER-brave and rebellious, they are...have to be) who feels the same way, maybe. Loads in England so no wozzies on that score. "And yes, I am gullible." Just inexperienced. Were you gullible, we wouldn't be having this conversation. You're normal and healthy and exceptionally hardworking and capable - THAT'S what in Normal Land is a giant boon but in Lala Land is a Strength they use against you. AND nor would you have been able to get with the reality and switch your own 'screenplay' and script as fast as you did. Tsk. Stop running yourself down-ish. It's plain ridiculous and isn't borne-out in reality whatsoever. Yeah...Get away from that negative White Noise as soon as you can. I can keep supporting you if you make this your long-haul thread. Plus I'm really fascinated to see your personal growth and evolution now. Fancy it? Doesn't mean you have to post regularly, just before the 90 days is up...like Lily's doing, lately: postcards with updates on her Survivor path. I'll say it again: readers/lurkers need to see the END of this journey of you escaping your familial, cultural and downright misogynistic chains and running through fields of gold. They need to realise that, YES it hurts. But if you accept it's something you're going to have to deal with and DON'T have that Fear Of The Unknown/Future in your way - everyone's post-NPD-abuse grief will be SO much easier. AND faster. "But sometimes, Idk how, there is this voice that confronts. This time I really trusted my inner instinct. Because the last time, I ignored it until everything was damaged." Exactly. Normally takes three-in-a-row. You've become wide-awake in two, where you didn't even have to experience being trapped, living with them. Not EVEN two. More like two halves. "Did you know. Are the start. Like when I connected with this person on the APP. It felt like I am cheating on my EX. Something is very wrong with my brian." Your Brian is fine and so is your brain (hahahaha). There's only something wrong with your brain if you judge it by what a failure of a kidnap victim and personal slave you are on his territory (La-La Land/Opposites Land). "I just want to run away now. I want my memories to go away. I want a happy peaceful life." And now you'll get one. See how that works? "Just a question Soulmate. Do you think that making a financial contribution is not good? For a wife?" If you're both contributing what is proportionally equal, i.e. if your income is less than him, he pays a Tenner where to you a Tenner is a Fiver. See the diff? It should be according to your means and then (for bills and living expenses) put in a joint pot so that you have different Gross incomes but same half share of disposable income. Marriage or even just cohabiting is supposed to be an equal partnership... TEAMWORK. With Narcs, ones choice is solely between Master/Parent and Slave/Kid. "Or the timing of this discussion was wrong?" Which discussion? Oh, you mean his getting straight down to finances. YES - as above - none of his beeswax until it becomes his beeswax. "What should be acceptable? What should be the roles?" Have a google for Dating Without Drama. It may not be live any more but I think it's still all there. Wait up - let me look... Oh, excellent - she's (Paige) still going! : https://cyberdatingexpert.com/dating-without-drama/ "I am from a society where there is no difference between girls and cattle." I know. Whereas the Western World it's just a bit or better hidden within the patriarchy. But you wouldn't want to be a boy under that establishment, either. Misogyny shows malprogramming and abuse of the poor wee lad into nice young man he otherwise could have been. "I dont know what is a right ask. How much should I work or give, or invest in a relationship." Just whatever comes natural to you and, if he's your match, to your bloke, your true, non-corrupted, Like. Its then up to either of you to feedback immediately to them if ever you're not happy with the way something is and want the set-up altered. "So, what do you think? Should women contribute? If yes, then why, how, when?" It's up to the couple but, again, that type of indepth conversation, any mapping-out, belongs to Steadies whose next step is getting Engaged. "And what should the roles be like?" You both share the work and apportion lifestyle duties per each other's strengths - Tit for Tat, not Tat for Tat. And because you're both fair and loving keeping one another pleased/happy, ending up overall with the same WEIGHT of responsibilities and chores, despite you might hate taking out the bins and unloading the dishwasher wehre he might hate cooking. Because you love each other and want it to last forever, automatically you both maintain a balance. Your internal scoreboard shouldn't EVER come to the conscious fore, let alone resentfully, so if ever it does, that's proof enough that the responsibilities aren't being shared fairly enough and another adjustment has to be made...until you find that perfect, sweet, comfy spot and can practically read each others' minds (Torville & Dean). So - like best-mate housemates-for-life with the romantic-sexual element on top (until your hips seize up haha). "And when a man asks, why do you want to get married. What should be the answer. Especially in a arranged marriage situation?" 'Because I'm a normal-working, healthy human and it's what we're programmed above all or anything else to do. Duuuuh? Why do you want to breathe?' "I would really like you to coach me." As above - it would be my PLEASURE! Well - get the basics with Paige and then we'll take it into more detail and customistion for who and what you are (...a healthy Marta Hari, haha). "Just letting you know that I dont want to use that App anymore. I deleted it." Thlup! (Gold Star). Someone like you doesn't need apps anyway. Once you're de-slimed, you won't be able to walk to the shops without getting eyed or asked out - you watch! "I am working on moving abroad. But, I want to know what you think." As above. :) "It might help me guide some of the women here. Because everybody has a right to life. If you are empowering me, I will empower others." I know, and that's why it'd be my pleasure - IS my pleasure. This thread, like your last, is REALLY-REALLY empowering in itself. How To Corner A Narc Without His Even Realising (Until It's Too Late and HE has to be the one to get away from YOU before his ego deflates to nothing). :) "Also, sorry, do you think I might become a NARC too? A manipulator? Nowadays I cant trust anyone. I really dont want to become one." Tsk. NO. You don't need to. You're super-functional and super-brave so don't NEED to be underhanded and cheating until it ingrains in you. En Oh, spells, NO. Not even a risk of it. "I hope I am not taking too much of your time." Nope. Just life in Spain is. It's TOUGH out here compared to England. Particularly as a consumer. "Cats are amazing btw. I will get myself one when I am able to afford the expenses. Because a cat deserves the best life haha. They are like kids. Love them. Give your cat a pat from me." Once she lets me. She's been a 'dirty stop-out' again, just lately, though. Not coming when called but the food's gone the next morning so I'm waiting to see if she turns up again or whether, perhaps because she now looks so beautiful and shiny, someone else around here has started trying to make her theirs. Have now got a cute black one eating it or her leftovers. Will keep you posted on that score though. And PS: written like an A1 Mum-To-Be. "Again, thank you for being here. Will be waiting for you." Thank you for COMING here (again). Noo, yoooou / No - YOOOU, haha. Seriously, I can't wait to see where you go and what happens, I'm well excited for you!

PS - important attitude-changer (you're living by Narc propaganda meant to stop people from feeling perfectly normal and natural about crying). Crying whenever you need to and letting IT stop, not you stopping IT before it's finished, is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of self-love. Crying is NOT "getting upset", crying is you "DE-upset-ing". Which is why you feel better after a proper, long, top of your lungs sobbing session. Ain't rocket science when you reorientate Narc Gaslighting (turning things on their head...Opposites Day Land), is it. Crying is super-healthy and super-healthy is another word for Strong (and Fit). (Sing along: ...It'szzz my-paaaar-ty and I'll cry-if-I want to, I'll cry-if-I want to, I'll cry-if-I want to.... You-would-cry toooo if-it-if-it-ha-penned to-ooo............yoooooooo-OOOOOOOOUUUU!) Example of Narc peer-pressure: Them: "Awwww, too chicken?" Me: "Ab-so-f**ing-lutely! - so what's wrong with YOU lot that you AREN'T?" Them: "........................" (Firework and Piss On). Don't waste your time - nor insult your own intelligence - giving a shite what other people think of you when ACTUALLY, what they're thinking is - Wonder what she thinks of me? Psychological FACT! Chuck that chain in the bin where it belongs! Here's another response to the nosy naggers and misguided worriers (mam): "That's VERY intrusive, you know? I mean, would you like to examine my hymen while you're at it?" (I'm quite sure no-one will will say, yes. Call it a hunch, pmsl!)