Marriage issues

I've been married 10 years. My husband is verbally, mentally, and financially abusive. There is questionable behavior with other women. There is so much information to give. The history is too long. I have gone to clergy, his family ( which tried an intervention), and therapists. The other night when I walked in on him on his phone . Looking at pornography. All I said is that causes viruses to computers. I already knew he was looking on his phone at porn. Now he has put a pass lock on his phone. I have not said anything to him. It makes me feel like he's hiding things. But. He is very non approachable. I have been told he is narcissist. - my son is to deploy to Afganastan in December . I don't know how to deal with both stressors ?